Dog Training the American Male: A Novel

Front Cover
Rowman & Littlefield, Oct 8, 2014 - Fiction - 272 pages
Meet Dr. Nancy Beach, a relationship counselor who hosts a local radio show called “Love’s a Beach.” One problem: The relationship guru can’t seem to make her own relationships work, sending her credibility and ratings into the toilet. Meet Jacob Cope—a walking thesaurus of phobias—a Lehman Brothers casualty who’s lost his job and swagger and now yearns to be a ventriloquist. When Nancy and Jacob are set up on a blind date and hit it off, their siblings, desperate to be rid of them, encourage the young couple to move in together. When the honeymoon stage abruptly ends, Jacob attempts to mend the fence by adopting a dog—a big dog—and Nancy flips out . . . until she realizes the dog trainer’s techniques can be used to housebreak Jacob and save her radio career.
 

Contents

Chapter 01 Nancy
1
Chpater 02 Jacob
11
Chapter 03 Vincent
14
Chapter 04 The Sunshine Hour
21
Chapter 05 Always Be Polite
28
Chapter 06 First Impressions
31
Chapter 07 WOWFAM
40
Chapter 08 Mother Cope
42
Chapter 30 Bad Dog
130
Chapter 31 Speed Bumps
135
Chapter 32 Spencer
137
Lesson Three Utilizing the Leash
140
Lesson Four The Stay Command
142
Chapter 35 The Alpha Dog
145
Lesson Five Dealing with Separation Anxiety
149
Lesson Six Breeding Rituals
152

Chapter 09 Moving Day
44
Phase One Nesting
50
Phase Two Routine
54
Phase Three When Does That Lease Expire?
57
Chapter 13 Foofie
61
Chapter 14 Sam
64
Chapter 15 Dead Man Walking
68
Chapter 16 The Cabots
71
Chapter 17 Patel
75
Chapter 18 Bitch Session
79
Chapter 19 Lord and Masturbator
82
Chapter 20 Ruby Kleinhenz
89
Chapter 21 Anita
92
Lesson One Conditioning
95
Chapter 23 Old Habits
98
Chapter 24 Old School
104
Lesson Two Ball Playing
107
Chapter 26 WOMB
112
Chapter 27 Managing the Game
116
Chapter 28 FauxPainting
121
Chapter 29 BlackTie Elephants
124
Lesson Seven Exercise
158
Lesson Eight Toys and Accessories
163
Chapter 40 Stray Dog
168
Lesson Nine Social Issues
171
Chapter 42 Distemper Issues
173
Chapter 43 Love Hurts
178
Lesson Ten Neutering Your Pet
180
Chapter 45 The Vagina Dialogues
183
Chapter 46 Male Bonding
189
Lesson Eleven Scent Training
196
Chapter 48 Blue Monday
201
Lesson Twelve The Shock Collar
207
Chapter 50 Ruby Tuesday
212
Chapter 51 Dry Hump Wednesday
218
Chapter 52 Shocking Thursday
225
Chapter 53 Freakout Friday
238
Lesson Thirteen Obedience Training
247
Lesson Fourteen Unconditional Love
257
Lesson One Becoming a Family
262
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About the author (2014)

L.A. Knight is the comedic pseudonym for thriller writer Steve Alten, the New York Times best-selling author of twelve novels, including the MEG series, The Omega Project, and the internationally bestselling Domain books. Alten is also founder and director of Adopt-An-Author, a free nationwide reading program for teens.

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