Necessary Losses: The Loves, Illusions, Dependencies, and Impossible Expectations That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to GrowThe classic New York Times bestseller about the many forms of loss we experience throughout our lives, and the necessity of letting go. In Necessary Losses, Judith Viorst turns her considerable talents to a serious and far-reaching subject: how we grow and change through the losses that are a certain and necessary part of life. She argues persuasively that through the loss of our mothers’ protection, the loss of the impossible expectations we bring to relationships, the loss of our younger selves, and the loss of our loved ones through separation and death, we gain deeper perspective, true maturity, and fuller wisdom about life. She has written a book that is both life-affirming and life-changing. Drawing on psychoanalysis, literature, and personal experience, Necessary Losses is a philosophy for understanding and accepting a universal human experience. “One of the most sensitive and comprehensive books about the human condition I have read in a long time.” —Harold S. Kushner, author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People “Viorst has synthesized a vast amount of research into a very readable and generous whole.” —The New York Times Book Review |
From inside the book
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Page 23
... says that her earliest memories are of anxiously wondering what would happen next . " I am frightened , " she says , " of whatever is not fa- miliar . " She also is frightened of too much responsibility— " I'd like someone to take care ...
... says that her earliest memories are of anxiously wondering what would happen next . " I am frightened , " she says , " of whatever is not fa- miliar . " She also is frightened of too much responsibility— " I'd like someone to take care ...
Page 24
... says " wakes me up every morning of my life with a bad taste in my mouth and pains in my stomach . " It is anger , she says- " lots of anger . I think I feel cheated . " This thought is not acceptable to Selena . Why isn't she simply ...
... says " wakes me up every morning of my life with a bad taste in my mouth and pains in my stomach . " It is anger , she says- " lots of anger . I think I feel cheated . " This thought is not acceptable to Selena . Why isn't she simply ...
Page 28
... says , he first found a sense of belonging , of being cared for . At an early age Art concluded that life was " me against the world . " He also learned early to hide behind a smile . He says he quickly discovered that " if I put a big ...
... says , he first found a sense of belonging , of being cared for . At an early age Art concluded that life was " me against the world . " He also learned early to hide behind a smile . He says he quickly discovered that " if I put a big ...
Page 29
... says that in part his success represents " revenge on about ten people , all dead and buried . " He says that he understands about scars on the brain . Severe separations in early life leave emotional scars on the brain because they ...
... says that in part his success represents " revenge on about ten people , all dead and buried . " He says that he understands about scars on the brain . Severe separations in early life leave emotional scars on the brain because they ...
Page 30
... says that attachment has the biological function of self - preservation , of keeping the young safe from harm . By remaining close to mother the baby chimp finds protection from predators that might kill him . By remaining close to ...
... says that attachment has the biological function of self - preservation , of keeping the young safe from harm . By remaining close to mother the baby chimp finds protection from predators that might kill him . By remaining close to ...
Contents
15 | |
34 | |
51 | |
Lessons in Love | 66 |
THE FORBIDDEN AND THE IMPOSSIBLE | 81 |
Passionate Triangles | 100 |
Anatomy and Destiny | 115 |
Good as Guilt | 130 |
Saving the Children | 205 |
Family Feelings | 223 |
Love and Mourning | 237 |
Shifting Images | 265 |
Grow Old I Grow Old | 284 |
The ABC of Dying | 305 |
Reconnections | 325 |
BIBLIOGRAPHY | 413 |
Other editions - View all
Necessary Losses: The Loves, Illusions, Dependencies, and Impossible ... Judith Viorst Limited preview - 2010 |
Common terms and phrases
adolescence adult American Psychoanalytic Association analyst anxiety argues baby become Benjamin Spock boys brother called child childhood daughter dead death describes discussion dreams dying early ego ideal emotional envy experience fantasies father fear feel female friends friendships girls give Greenspan and Pollock grief grow guilt hate Hogarth Press human husband Ibid ideal identification identity infant inner James Strachey Judith Viorst latency let go Liv Ullmann live male marriage married means mid-life mother mourning narcissism narcissistic necessary losses never normal oedipal Oedipus complex old age ourselves pain parents passion patients penis penis envy person phase poem psychological reality Redbook relationship role says sense separation sexual sibling Sigmund Freud sister sometimes stage Standard Edition Stanley Greenspan studies superego symbiosis talk tell tion uncon unconscious Viorst W. B. Yeats wife wish woman women writes York
Popular passages
Page 396 - All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players: They have their exits, and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven ages. At first, the infant, Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms; And then, the whining school-boy, with his satchel, And shining morning face, creeping like snail Unwillingly to school: And then, the lover; Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad Made to his mistress...
Page 86 - And Abel, he also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof. And the LORD had respect unto Abel and to his offering: but unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect.
Page 396 - With spectacles on nose, and pouch on side ; His youthful hose, well sav'd, a world too wide For his shrunk shank, and his big manly voice, Turning again toward childish treble, pipes And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all, That ends this strange eventful history, Is second childishness, and mere oblivion ; Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans every thing.
Page 364 - The phases and life tasks, defined elsewhere in this dictionary, are trust versus mistrust, autonomy versus shame and doubt, initiative versus guilt, industry versus inferiority, identity versus role confusion, intimacy versus isolation, generativity versus stagnation, and integrity versus despair.
Page 411 - It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Page 145 - Nothing I cared, in the lamb white days, that time would take me Up to the swallow thronged loft by the shadow of my hand, In the moon that is always rising. Nor that riding to sleep I should hear him fly with the high fields And wake to the farm forever fled from the childless land.
Page 396 - With eyes severe and beard of formal cut, Full of wise saws and modern instances; And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts Into the lean and...
Page 396 - The sixth age shifts Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon, With spectacles on nose and pouch on side, His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide For his shrunk shank ; and his big manly voice, Turning again toward childish treble, pipes And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all, That ends this strange eventful history, Is second childishness and mere oblivion, Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.