puor, as is starvin' by thousands in this werry place, and nearly all of the Irish persuasion, as seems to me as bad off 'era as everywhere else, and all owin' to the drink, as they can't take in moderation, but must make beasts of theirselves, and always ends in a fight, as might be all jolly but for that, and always cheerful, too, not but what they're quite different 'ere to England. I'm sure MR. SHANDY come 'ome from that dinner that gone in liquor, as frightened MRS. SKIDMORE nearly to death for fear of fire, as is 'er constant terrors, as well it may be, with a wooden 'ouse as is 'ighly dangerous, I should say, and danced a jig for ever so long with a lot of companions on the door-step, and wouldn't be pacified till 'ticed indoors with the promise of a drink, tho' I should 'ave said 'ad 'ad oshuns aready.

MRS. SKIDMORE, she says, as MRS. SHANDY was only a-promisin', and did not mean for 'im to have no more that night; but bless you, he made all the lot as were with 'im come in, and drink they would 'ave, and a-singin' "St. Patrick's Day in the Mornin'," as is one of their songs, till I was pretty nigh drove mad, and goes to the top of the stairs, and puts my 'ead over the bannisters, and says to MRS. SKIDMORE, "Are we a-goin' to get a wink of sleep to-night or not?"

Evidently a bit of Buffo(o)nery.

TO THE EDITOR OF "FUN." STR.-Wishing to find a new occupant for a cage lately tenanted by a pet squirrel, I have searched in the Post-office Directory-but without success-for a list of those who deal in hyperbole, as a friend tel's me that a pair of them would just suit me. It has occurred to me that possibly you might be able to afford me the required information. I should also be glad to know what is the proper diet for a Zoëtrope. It is, I hear, amusing, and the cost of its keep insignificant. I am, Sir, Your humble servant, VAN TOON.

P.S.-I should have applied to the sporting papers but I am told they know little of "natural" history.

Ir I was not compelled for my living to toil,
If food, drink, and cloches were produced by the soil,
If ready-cooked dinners were borne on the gales,
And rivers of ALLSOPP flowed free through the vales,
If we all lived in caves in a primitive way,

I could live and be happy on twopence a day-
Twopence a day-

Twopence a day-
I could live like a prince upon twopence a day.

If I never was called on for taxes or rates,
And no paupers existed to burden our States,
If one never was called on to aid a poor brother,
And all in the world, one as rich as another;
Oh, if nothing at all I were called on to pay,
I could live and be happy on twopence a day-
Twopence a day-

Twopence a day-
I'd be kind to the poor upon twopence a day.

If the world had returned to the Season of Gold,
When nought could be bought because nothing is sold,
When the harvest spontaneously sprang from the ground,
And mutton and beef cost but no-pence a pound,

When beer's nothing a quart and you bring your own

jugs,

And gold, bank-notes, copper, and silver are drugs, I think that I really may venture to say

I could save something handsome on twopence a day.

Twopence a day

Twopence a day

I should prove quite a ROTHSCHILD on twopence a day!

Pallmallese!

THE author ot "Occasional Notes" in the P.M.G. has done much to enrich and amplify the English language, but he has seldom given us a more elegant example of his powers than the following (vide P.M.G. of the 22nd of April):

The names of the officers comprising the Court are as follows. We should have thought that anyone with the education of a housemaid, even, would have known that "to comprise" means to "include, contain, embrace, encircle ". in short to "comprehend" but not in the sense in which the writer of "notes" comprehends the English language.

Answers to Correspondents.

[We cannot return unaccepted MSS. or Sketches, unless they are accompanied by a stamped and directed envelope; but we do not hold ourselves responsible for loss.]

A WATERFORD CORRESPONDENT sends no name with his contribution, but as he called his sketch "Stupidity," perhaps he was right to avoid a repetition. SPECIAL.-Don't send us jokes out of our own back numbers. It's only waste of time.

W. R. B.-We don't see that the fact of your friend "having been a and taking a prominent part in public matters," necessarily proves that he surgeon in large practice, but being now retired, a magistrate for the county, is a comic writer.

APPLE-JACK-Means cider, we suppose, but is really very small beer. FIRE AND FURY.-Why this self-conscious signature? We cannot understand what your "tale told by an idiot" can possibly signify. A. D. (Chiswell-street.)-We have had such a suspicious coincidence of contributions about "Phayre and Merewether," that we believe not one of them is original. DECLINING AUTHOR.-Declined altogether. G.-something (Glasgow).-Illegible. ANXIOUS.-The Chancellor of the Exchequer.

J. G. G. (Lansdowne-terrace, Exeter).-The coincidence may be strange, but it is not likely that our rejected communications should find their way elsewhere-unless sent by their perpetrators.

Declined with thanks:-W. H., Liverpool; J. B. T., Brixton; J. A.; Tid; A. S., Redear; Bladders; H. D. H., Southwark; Nipper; J. S., Gracechurch-street; Brother Jonathan; .W. G. I., King Henry's-road; cynic; H. K. S., New John-street; Topsey; F. H. H., Carey-street; T. B., Gloucester-road; A. B.; Jenks; Tit; Dan; B. O'C.; J. H., Princes-square; S. K., Islington; Cloe; S. X.; D. G. C., Aberdeen; H. F. G.; E. M. F., Higham; Robin Hood; J. B. R., Erith; R. D. B., Clapham-road; Musicus; J. M., Kirkintilloch; A Lover of Good Music; A. J.; A. P. H. S.; R. O.; Y. A. H.; S. E.; Frizz; G. O. S.; Blue Gown; R. M. B.; W. T., Chester.