OUR FUN-DONE LETTER.

HE poor “engineer" who was "hoist with his petard" in the time of SHAKESPEARE has been had up so frequently since that it almost ceases to be "sport" to see him-as little sport, in fact, as pigeon-shooting-or I should be tempted to quote him again, as one of the engineers of the Southern Railways. Last session the South-Eastern and Chatham and Dover Companies combined to promote a line to Brighton, which, however, was subsequently abandoned-but not until a mass of evidence in favour of a new line had been provided. That mass of evidence will now tell in favour of the new scheme for a "people's railway" to Brighton, which will be brought before the new Parliament. There are many new and excellent features in the plan, which is to be carried out on economical principles; but the best of all is a clause by which the company binds itself to a scale of fares very much below the present rates, and binds itself never to change it. An eminent engineer, notable for the economy with which he has carried out several great works in England and abroad, will superintend the construction, and there will not be a hundred yards of tunnel on the whole line. There ought to be no difficulty in the way of such a scheme's passage through Parliament, if the constituencies have but weeded out a few of the Directorial M.P.'s, who never represented anything but their "Company," and whose "room" would be infinitely more acceptable to the nation. I most sincerely wish the new line success, and shall hope to see the Southern Confederacy beaten by the very evidence which a portion of it has supplied.

THERE is always some new notion started about Christmas time for the amusement of the drawing-room. Unfortunately, the amusements are not always safe or innocuous-witness the poisonous "Pharaoh's Serpents "it is satisfactory, therefore, to learn that the new notion, "Magic Flowers," is perfectly harmless. It will give parlour philosophers a pleasant task to puzzle out why something that looks like a scrap of quill pen should on being dipped into water spread out into a full bloom.

THE Argosy has a remarkable picture this month, representing LORD RUSSELL introducing the dummy out of a linen-draper's window to a distinguished Ethiopian serenader. "Johnny Ludlow" is much missed, and "My Chemist Lodger," though sensational, does not supply the want. MRS. WOOD's story approaches its close. By the way, if she were writing incog. how easy it would be to guess, the work to be a woman's. The petticoat peeps out so-at all events, the "gathers" would betray her-she is always telling us how Mr. Chandos "gathers" Anne Hereford in his arms, or to his heart, or breast, or something of the sort, as if the young lady were an unbound faggot of sticks. I wish, too, the author would explain the meaning of the passage "I stole away with my crimsoned face, with a crimsoned brain, I think." Ronge will explain the first crimson, but anatomy and physiology throw no light on the second. It is to be hoped that before the novel appears in three-volume form it may be weeded of solecisms at any rate, that in deference to an age that objects to Swinburne, the passage in the last chapter in this number may be toned down with regard to certain "bounding pulses," "thrilling eyes (')," and "hot, sweet, perfumed kisses."

THIS month's Science Gossip is full of information, and contains some good cuts. The Naturalist's Note Book devotes much space to the discussion of that old question, “Do insects feel pain?" I rather incline to think they don't-but then reflect what a disappointing theory that is for the sleepless wretch who has spent hours in pursuit of a musquito -and who, having caught him at last, and being prepared to immolate him, remembers that "insects do not feel pain." If they did, perhaps they would not be so ready to inflict it-some might say!

I DON'T know what better present one could give a child at Christmas than such a portfolio of pictures as now lies before me. They are German plates imported by MESSRS. MYERS, of Bernersstreet, and are of endless variety. There are some capital groups of costume, pictures of animals, illustrations of nursery and fairly tales, comic stories, views of foreign lands and races-altogether a most amusing and interesting collection. When I say that OSCAR PLETSCH and WILHELM BUSCH are among the artists, it will be a guarantee for

excellence.

THE Gardener's Magazine has what appears to me a new feature this month-at any rate it is invaluable. I mean "Notes of Observation," which contain those hints and wrinkles of which the amateur gardener so often stands in need, but knows not where to seek. Le Follet gives us the autumn fashions, which I am sorry to see do not seem warm enough, especially as small bonnets-the fruitful source of neuralgia and tic-continue in vogue.

I AM glad to see that the interregnum of disorder is over, and Woman's World comes out with a capital illustration, well-printed, and

on good paper. It contains a pleasantly varied selection of very readable papers, especially one on "The Woman Question," by the Editor, which, though going-in strongly for woman's rights, is moderate in allowed to pass. It was not BYRON but WORDSWORTH who said. “The tone. There is a slip in "Our Gossip" which should not have been world is too much with us," and I don't think it can fairly be described as “sentimental nonsense," when spoken as WORDSWORTH intended it.

DOUBLE ACROSTIC No. 90.
WHAT politicians strive to gain

At any time, with might and main,-
But most when polling booths and hustings
Declare the House's re-adjustings.

For this they strive, and push, and squeeze: This time, I think, 'twill fall to these. 1.-Crooked and crumpled but good at a pinch, Come from the land of the loch and the inch, "Tis a thing, which on striving to make, you would find, If you made it, 'twould be of a different kind. 2.-When CESAR of yore

Swam boldly to shore

And his works in his jaws like a water-dog bore; On the very first page

There was writ, I'll engage,

The name of a people well-known in that age. 3.-Come hoist the sail to the merry gale,

And let us away to sea,

Our bark shall breast the wave's white crest
And scatter the foam so free.
Whenever, I trow, it breaks on our bow
This canvas shall wetted be!

4.-If it is sweet to dwell in unity,

This must indeed for ever happy be, Because it ne'er exists elsewhere, you see. 5.-A man who wanders here and there, And never stays long anywhere, May be described as this, I swear

And so was DR. JOHNSON. 6. In this locality, most antiquated, Once on a time was Paris situated. 7.-It may be great-it may be smallIt is the whole, but that is all.

8.-Not living beings, though they die,
They have no wings, but how they fly!
And though they all of them are brothers,
Not one in age exceeds the others,

But spite of the fraternal tether,
No two are ever seen together.

SOLUTION OF ACROSTIC, No. 88. — Ninth, Mayor: Nepotism, Infanta, Ninny, Tomato, Housebreaker.

CORRECT SOLUTIONS OF ACROSTIC No. 86, RECEIVED Nov. 18th.-H. A. L.; Romanelli.

POOR PILLICODDY.-We cannot recollect the reason why that particular solution was rejected, but it was possibly for neglect of one of our rules, see No. 97, New Series.

Moveables.

A CORRESPONDENT of the Builder writes, in reference to the subject of numbering houses, to suggest "to a few enterprising fellows how they might promote the convenience of the public and at the same time benefit themselves." He observes:

"Miles of houses in London and its suburbs are fitted with fanlights over the door, which are illuminated by the hall gas at night. Let a man call with the requisite materials-say moveable figures, with cement for fixing them at every house, and I believe a very large proportion of occupants would be only too glad to have the work done at once. The cost could not be great.”

The suggestion has only one drawback. It is possible that "a very large proportion of occupants" might object to the admission of "enterprising fellows" anxious to "benefit themselves." Their figures might be only too moveable, as might also the figures of the hall-clock, and umbrellas wero to disappear too, we can imagine the “ so moveable as to carry away the clock with them. If the great-coats that the duped occupants would cut. 'figures"

MILL'S POLITICAL ECONOMY:-Expecting the electors to pay the expenses.

A CANNIBAL COUNTRY.-Man-chu-ria.

THE POLLING BOOTH.

REFLECTIONS BY OUR OWN COMMITTEEMAN.

MR. EDITOR, SIR,-Wot's the hods so long as you're 'appy; and wot signifies, more or less, of pelting with yaller ochre and brickdust, if principals is triumpant? All the candydicks is convinced that the state o' things is a proof as they're right, and does credit to all the constitwenses, and wot could be better? Nothink could better show the prewailance of Libral opinions, says one than that here I am returned a top of the pole; and nothink could more suttinly convict our opponents of aggerawated falsity, says another, than to find that here I am with no end o' wotes, as I scarcely ever took the trouble to ask for, notwithstanding I ain't elected, through bribery and cruption. If only you'd ha' forgive MR. MILL for colloguing with BRADLAUGH, and elected of him, says the galliant capting, happiness would ha' been mine. And if only it hadn't a been for a purfest Libral as come in an' did me out of nigh three hundred wotes, says the blatant barrister, purity would ha' been windicated, and a Guv'ment shipbuilder would not ha' been highsted to a pinnercle as is the lowest depth o' degradation to whom any one not with the black heart o' Toryism under their three-an'-ninepenny kid gloves could aspire.

Nothink could have exceeded the pleasure I have alwis felt amongst you, says a hon'rable candidat—amidst a shower of cabbage stumps, clay, brass buttons, kidney beans, gutta perker soles, dirty sox, soft soap, an' spinnige-except to find myself in the present envyable position, which even the orginised ruffinism as I see everywhere around me is impitent for to mitigate. And if MR. HOMER hadn't a been suppeeneyed to Westminster Hall-one o' the Judges wantin' his adwise on a particklar pint o' law-he'd ha' come here and said so hisself. If it warn't fur the ogus inwentions of a wore-out an' effete literatur. says another hon'rable gent, me and my lot would ha' rode triumferant this day, as far as the human eye can soar; but while the noosepapers is ever open to the most scand'lous libles on such-what garuntea has one amongst yer fur the constitooshunal privileges that was secured to him by his own inalennable buthrite?

The time will come, skreams a disapinted, but still a beneviolent gent as has only polled a few dozen, when them 'as have acted with me this day will fail to see in what other way they could have showed to a listenin' world the heroism that prefers to linger in obskeurity than to plume its wings for a conflict than which no other armour will stand in the day of need.

The eye that can retrace its backward corse-says a great oritormay now take a firm stand up.n the eminence of a great occasion, and akeuratly delinny ate the warious steps of the jurney by which we have arrived to our present proud position. The way may ha' been long, the woyage one of pain and trubble, but the enemies that surrounded us was enwenomed in wain. Such weppins was powerless against the shield that had so long floted above us; its soreing folds inscribed with the charter, behind the bulwarks of which we d-fied competition, and trusted to the enlightenment of a generous public for a continiwance of their favours, as had already obtained for us a world-wide renown.

These bein' the sentyments of our new members, as well as them that has got the go-by, what's the hods, I say agin, so long as you re happy. We've all windicated everythink, and when Parlyment meets, and the pledges begins to be redeemed by all them as have not either lost or made away with their duplicats, we shall probably hear a good deal more to the same purpos. The only question is who's to do the work; becos it rally can't be expected as hon'rable gents won't take a month or so to hair their speeches in the House, and the cold weather's a-settin' in, and the poor's rates ain't equilised, and there's the police to look arter, and SIR RICHARD MAYNE for to be committed out to nuss, and White ross-street prison to be turned into a Refuge for the destitute poor, under the control of the Corporation, as have no end o' trust money for such a purpose; and there's the Sabbath dessykration in St. James's Park and the Zoological Gardins, and the Clubs of the upper classes to be looked into by the new bishop, and the water supply to be settled, and the Boards o' Works to be prosecuted, and the westries to be dissolved, and the Royal Exchange to be lime-whited throughout. I a'most wish I'd a-gone in myself as a workin'-man's candidick; but lor, there publick life don't suit me, except it is at a social board over a social glass, and then I flatter myself I can give an opinion, as other ways I shouldn't ha' been where I am, nor yet, sir, Yours for what you like to put a name to, THREE OUTS.

Don't he wish he may get it!

Ir is reported that BRIGHAM YOUNG has expressed his intention of retiring into private life. But how on earth will he do that, when he has quite a small village-full of wives? Poor fellow, when we reflect on his over-married condition we do not indulge in the oft-repeated wish-"Oh, that we were YOUNG!"

PREMONITORY SYMPTOMS.
WE'RE thoroughly clear of Folkestone Pier,
With a holiday all to come;

With a beautiful day and a porte-monnaie,
Containing a good round sum.

The waves are flecked with a foaming white,
As they gaily raise their crest;
And on we dash in a steam-borne flight,
With a breeze from the sou'-sou'-west.
Merrily, merrily on we go,

With many a quip and jest;
So happy are we on a tumbling sea,
With a breeze from the sou'-sou'-west.

We never were better in our lives,
And long for a hearty meal;
Though every now and then arrives
A shuddery kind of feel.
Tho' a shivery quivery kind of qualm,
Just shimmers our manly breast;
It's jollier far than a perfect calm,
Is a breeze from the sou'-sou'-west!
Merrily, merrily, &c.

A film is spreading all over your eyes,
And all the while you think,

It isn't so much in the steamboat's rise,
As at each successive sink!
The drop-down after a wave, you find,
Is the thing you most detest;

It leaves you, body and soul, behind,
When the wind's at the sou'-sou'-west!
Merrily, merrily, &c.

You find your tongue has attained a size
You never remarked before;
You're much relieved when you close your eyes,
You're shuddering more and more.

A sickening kind of warmth is felt
Just under your manly chest,

You never should wear too tight a belt
In a breeze from the sou'-sou'-west!
Merrily, merrily, &c.

You shudder and quiver and quake on deck,
And shiver and glow and freeze;

And you wish you'd nothing between your neck
And your inorganic knees.

The climax comes, with a wrenching pain,
It's agony quite, at best,

You swear that you never will cross again
With the wind at the sou'-sou'-west!
Merily, merrily, &c.

"Nascitur non fit."

A NOTICE of "The Simancas Records," in the Saturday Review opens with the quotation, "Parturiunt montes, nascitur ridiculus mus.” Should it not be rather "ridiculous mess"? Perhaps the writer of the notice will kindly scan the line for us-we can't. It is really too bad to have blunders in Latin in the Saturday Review, and we shall not see anything of the sort again let us hope-without any allusion to the HOPE who, according to the poet, "springs eternal in the human breast," or the House of Commons, or somewhere of that sort.