Page images
[merged small][merged small][graphic][ocr errors][subsumed][subsumed][ocr errors]

AWFUL CASE OF CLOWNOMANIA. Oh, no! AUGUSTUS Fizzi ETON is not naturally dishonest; but in his capacity as dramatic critic he has had to go the round of the Pantomimes in a week, and it has completely undermined his morals.

[ocr errors]



We gladly welcome The Era Almanack, full of the most recondite and
UR pantomimists appear to have somehow interesting information. The Calendar is compiled by Mr. E. L.

entirely overlooked one source of very BLANCHARD, whose knowledge of stage history is unbounded, and this legitimate fun in their comic business. valuable feature is supplemented by amusing and instructive matter of Limited liability companies have afforded every description. Mr. Bykon relates very comically the story of "The so very little amusement to those who have Rival Ritoorals," and Mr. MURRAY discourses pleasantly about Milan been unfortunate enough to become con- Theatres. Mr. Howe notes down ably the history of the Opera nected with them, that it is only fair that Season of Sixty-eight, and MR. SAWYER sings his “Fairy Love we should do our best to extract some fun musically. And in this way the contents are admirably varied, with out of them as a compensation.

regard to the utile et dulce. One of the funniest things in the But our clowns appear to have missed Almanack, if you only picture to yourself the narrator going through their tip on this point.

the adventure he relates, is MR. BUCKSTONE's little story of the We would suggest that the scene should Havanna. be the exterior of a city house of business. We have received the Musical Directory—or, as an eminent critic

Enter clown, who goes through a little of our acquaintance would call it, the Directorum Musicorum-and a dumb-show, expressive of his desire to fill his pockets with money; very handy and useful little work it appears to be, combining the conHe ihen takes the house of business by knocking at the door and tents of an almanack with a professional directory, very useful to lying down on the threshold. The landlord comes out and falls over those interested in musical matters. him. Clown jumps up and exit into building, slamming door in proprietor's face.

Girls of the Period: Then presently re-enter Clown, got-up very "respectable.” Dumb

A THEATRICAL dressmaker was summoned and fined the other day ehow expressive of great business-ability, and strict honesty. Enter Pantaloon, who desires to be taken into partnership.. Clown ment. Her defence was that she was making dresses for “Girls of

for employing workpeople beyond the hours allowed by Act of Parliaasks for testimonials of probity and solvency. Pantaloon winks and the Period,” and could not get them done in time without working slaps his pocket. They shake hands. Clown points to the blinds of the house and signifies that the firm of the period, we should have thought the dressmaker's time would not

overtime. From the description generally given of the dress of a girl requires a name. His partner assents. Clown throws a summersault have been very much taken-up in its manufacture. to signify that it is to be called the firm of “Overhead and Turney.".

Enter the British public, which deposits its money and receives bits of paper in return, which Clown represents to be shares.

A HINT TO THE COMMISSIONERS OF INCOMB Tax.-Wanted to knowFinally exeunt Clown and Pantaloon with all the cash, followed by what is the amount returned by the “property-men" of the pantoBritish public calling out “police."

mimes ? We think this might be introduced into one of our present pantomimes with considerable effect.


[blocks in formation]

“Two little babes dwelt in her hun ble cot,

One was her own—the other only lent to her:
Her own she slighted. Tempted by a lot

Of gold snd silver regularly sent to her.
She ministered unto the little other
In the capacity of foster-mother.
"I was her own, oh, how I lay and sobbed,

In my poor cradle—deeply, deeply cursing
The rich man's pampered bantling, who had robbed

My only birthright-an attentive nursing ! Sometimes, in hatred of my foster brother, I gnashed my gums—which terrified my mother.




EARY at heart and extremely ill In a dirty lodging, with fever down, Close to the Polygon, Somers Town. PALEY VOLLAIRE was an only son (For whyP His mother had had but one) and Paley herited gold and grounds Worth several hundred thousand pounds. But he, like many a rich young man, Through this magnificent fortune ran, And nothing was left for his daily needs But duplicate copies of mortgage deeds. Shabby and sorry and sorely sick He slept, and dreamt that the clock's "tick, tick," Was one of the Fates, with a long, sharp knife, Snicking off bits of his shortened life. He woke and counted the pips on the wallsThe out-door passengers' loud foot-falls, And reckoned all over, and reckoned again The little white tufts on his counterpane. A medical man to his bedside came (I can't remember that doctor's name) And said, “You'll die in a very short while If you don't set sail for Madeira's isle." “ Go to Madeira ? goodness me! I haven't the money to pay your fee! ” “Then, Paley VOLLAIRE," said the leech, "good bye, I'll come no more, for you're sure to die.” He sighed and he groaned and smote his breast, “Oh, send,” said he, "for FREDERICK WEST, Ere senses fade or my eyes grow dim, I've a terrible tale to whisper him!” Poor was FREDERICK's lot in life, A dustman he with a fair young wife, A worthy man with a hard-earned store, A hundred and seventy poundsor more.

“One day-it was quite early in the week

I-in my cradle having placed the bantling-
Crept into his! He had not learnt to speak,

But I could see his face with anger mantling.
It was imprudent-well, disgraceful, maybe,
For, oh, I was a bad, blackhearted baby!
“So great a luxury was food, I think

No wickedness but I was game to try for it.
Now if I wanted anything to drink

At any time, I only had to cry for it!
Once, if I dared to weep, the bottle lacking,
My blubbering involved a serious smacking !
“We grew up in the usual way-my friend,

My foster brother—daily growing thinner,
While gradually I began to mend

And thrived amazingly on double dinner.
And everyone, besides my foster mother,
Believed that either of us was the other.
I came into his wealth–I bore his name,

I bear it still—his property I squandered-
I mortgaged everything and now (oh, shame!)

Into a Somers Town shake-down I've wandered !
I am no PALEY-n0 VOLLAIRE—it's true, my boy!
The only rightful PALEY V. is you, my boy !
"And all I have is yours—and yours is mine,

I still may place you in your true position, Give me the pounds you've saved, and I'll resign

My noble dame, my rank, and my condition.
So far my wiekedness in falsely owning
Your vasty wealth, I am at last atoning!”

[ocr errors]

FREDERICK he was a simple soul,
He pulled from his pocket a bulky roll,
And gave to Paley his hard-earned store,
A hundred and seventy pounds or more !

VOLLAIRE, with many a groan,
Gave FREDERICK all that he'd called his own,
Two shirts and a sock, and a vest of jean,
A Wellington boot and a bamboo cane.
And FRED (entitled to all things there)
He took the fever from MR. VOLLAIRE,
Which killed poor FREDERICK West. Meanwhile
VOLLAIRE sailed off to Madeira’s isle.

[ocr errors]


FREDERICK came, and he said “Maybe,
You'll say what you happen to want with me?"
“Wronged boy,” said Paley VOLLAIRE, " I will,
But don't you fidget yourself—sit still.
“ 'Tis now some thirty-seven years ago

Since first began the plot that I'm revealing,
A fine young woman, whom you ought to know,

Lived with her husband down in Dram-lane, Ealing.
Herself by means of mangling reimbursing,
And now and then, at intervals, wet-nursing.

Mark time! Some people have sneered because the Premier represents so small a constituency as Greenwich. They forget that it is an appropriate representation of one who has just reached the meridian of his power,

Be Blowed! Of all pantomimic characters Pantaloon is most to be envied-he 80 often comes in for a “thumping” legacy.

[graphic][merged small][subsumed][ocr errors][ocr errors]
« PreviousContinue »