mind. If,' said the Squire, for instance, I fine Pet. Sykes to-day, for knocking down Job Bluff, that is no reason why I should fine Job Bluff to-morrow for knocking down Pet. Sykes, because they are entirely different persons. Human natur' ain't the same.' Contempt of Court,' the Squire often declared,' was the worst of all offences. He did n't care so much about what might be said agin' Jonathan Longbow, but Squire Longbow, Justice of the Peace, must and should be protected; ' and it was upon this principle that he fined Phil. Beardsley ten dollars for contradicting him in the street.

'Generally,' the Squire says, 'he renders judgment for the plaintiff,' because he never issues a process without hearing his story, and determining the merits. 'And don't the plaintiff know more about his rights than all the witnesses in the world?' 'And even where he has a jury,' the Squire says, 'that it is his duty to apply the law to the facts, and the facts to the law, so that they may avoid any illegal verdict.'

The Court, as I said, was convened. The Squire took his seat, opened

his docket, and lit his pipe. He then called the parties :

Philista Filkins!' Charity Beadle!'

'Here,' cried a back-woods pettifogger, 'I'm for Philista Filkins; am always on hand at the tap of the drum, like a thousand of brick.'

This man was a character; a pure specimen of a live western pettifogger. He was called Ike Turtle. He was of the snapping-turtle breed. He wore a white wool-hat; a bandana cotton-handkerchief around his neck; a horse-blanket vest, with large horn-buttons; and corduroy pantaloons; and he carried a bull's-eye watch, from which swung four or five chains across his breast.

'Who answers for Charity Beadle?' continued the Squire.

'I answer for myself,' squeaked out Charity; I hain't got any counsel, 'cause he's on the jury.'

On the jury, ha! Your counsel's on the jury! Sile Bates, I suppose. Counsel is guaranteed by the Constitution

right-let Sile act as your counsel, then.'

And so Sile stepped out in the capacity of counsel.

it's a personal

'Charity Beadle!' exclaimed the Squire, drawing out his pipe and laying it on his desk, ' stand up and raise your right hand!' Charity arose.

'You are charged with slandering Philista Filkins, with saying 'She warn't no better than she ought to be;' and if you were believed when you said so, it is my duty, as a peace-officer, to say to you that you have been guilty of a high offence, and may the LORD have mercy on your soul. What do you say?'

Not.guilty, Squire Longbow, by an eternal sight, and told the truth, if we are,' replied Bates. Beside, we plead a set-off.'

'I say 't is false! you are!' cried Philista, at the top of her lungs. 'Silence!' roared Longbow: 'the dignity of this court shall be preserved.'

Easy, Squire, a little easy,' grumbled a voice in the crowd, proceeding from one of Philista's friends; never speak to a woman in a pas

sion.'

'I fine that man one dollar for contempt of court, whoever he is!'

exclaimed the Squire, as he stood upon tip-toe, trying to catch the offender with his eye.

'I guess 't warn't nothing but the wind,' said Bates.

The Squire took his seat, put his pipe in his mouth, and blew out a long whiff of smoke.

Order being restored, let the case now proceed,' he exclaimed.

Ike opened his case to the jury. He said Philista Filkins was a maiden lady of about forty; some called her an old maid, but that warn't so, not by several years; her teeth were as sound as a nut, and her hair as black as a crow. She was a nurse, and had probably given more lobelia, pennyroyal, catnip, and other roots and herbs, to the people of Puddleford, than all the rest of the women in it. Of course she was a kind of peramrulary being. (The Squire here informed the jury that peramrulary was a legal word, which he would fully explain in his charge.) That is, she was obliged to be out a great deal, night and day, and in consequence thereof, Philista Filkins had slandered her, and completely ruined her reputation, and broken up her business to the damage of ten dollars.

Bates told the Court that he had 'no jurisdiction in an action of slander.'

Longbow advised Bates not to repeat the remark, as that was a kind of contempt.'

Some time had elapsed in settling preliminaries, and at last the cause was ready.

'We call Sonora Brown!' roared out Ike, at the top of his lungs. 'No, you don't,' replied the Squire. This Court is adjourned for fifteen minutes; all who need refreshment will find it at the bar in the next room; but do n't bring it in here; it might be agin' the statute.' And so the Court adjourned for fifteen minutes.

6

There was a rush to the bar-room, and old Stub Bulliphant rolled around among his whiskey-bottles like a ship in a storm. Almost every person drank some, judging from the remarks, to wet their whistle; others, to keep their stomachs easy;' some 'to Filkins;' others 'to Beadle,' etc., etc.

Court was at last convened again.

Sonora Brown!' roared out Ike again.

'Object!' exclaimed Sile; no witness; hain't lived six months in the State.'

Squire Longbow slowly drew his pipe from his mouth, and fixed his eyes on the floor in deep thought for several minutes :

6

'Hain't lived six months in the State,' repeated he, at last; ain't no resident, of course, under our Constitution.'

'And how, in all created airth, would you punish such a person for perjury? I should like just to know,' continued Sile, taking courage from the Squire's perplexed state of mind; 'our laws don't bind residents of other States.'

'But it is n't certain Mrs. Brown will lie, because she is a non-resident,' added the Squire, cheering up a little.

'Well! very well, then,' said Sile, ramming both hands into his breeches-pockets very philosophically; 'go ahead, if you wish, subject

to my objection. I'll just appeal, and blow this Court into fiddlestrings! This cause won't breathe three times in the Circuit! We won't be rode over; we know our rights, I just kinder rather think.' 'Go it, Sile!' cried a voice from the crowd; stand up to your rights, bust!

if

you

Silence!' exclaimed Squire Longbow.

Ike had sat very quietly, inasmuch as the Squire had been leaning in his favor; but Sile's last remark somewhat intimidated his honor. May it please your honor,' said Ike, rising; we claim that there is no proof of Mrs. Brown's residency; your honor hain't got nothing but Sile Bates's say so, and what's that good for in a court of justice? I would n't believe him as far as you could swing a cat by the tail.' 'I'm with you on that,' cried another voice.

'Silence! put that man out!' roared Longbow again.

But just as Ike was sitting down, an ink-stand was hurled at him by Sile, which struck him on his shoulder, and scattered its contents over the crowd. Several missiles flew back and forth; the Squire leaped over his table, crying out at the top of his lungs :

'In the name of the people of the State of I, James Longbow, Justice of the Peace, duly elected and qualified, do command you.' When, at last, order was restored, the counsel took their seats, and the Squire retired into his box again.

on.

Sonora Brown was then called for the third time. She was an old lady, with a pinched-up black bonnet, a very wide ruffle to her cap, through which the gray hairs strayed. She sighed frequently and heavily. She said she did n't know as she knew any thing worth telling She did n't know any thing about law-suits, and did n't know how to swear.' After running on with a long preliminary about herself, growing warmer and warmer, the old lady came to the case under much excitement. She said she never did see such works in all her born days.' Just because Charity Beadle said 'Philista Filkins warn't no better than she ought to be,' there was such a hullabalu and kick-up, enough to set all natur' crazy!'

'Why la! sus me!' continued she, turning around to the Squire, 'do you think this such a dre'ful thing, that all the whole town has got to be set together by the ears about it? Mude-ra-tion! what a hum-drum and flurry!'

And then the old lady stopped and took a pinch of snuff, and pushed it up very hard and quick into her nose.

Ike requested Mrs. Brown not to talk so fast, and only answer such questions as he put to her.

'Well, now, that's nice,' she continued. Warn't I sworn, or was 't you? and to tell the truth, too, and the whole truth.

I warn't sworn

to answer your questions. Why, may-be you don't know, Mr. Pettifogger, that there are folks in State's-prison now for lying in a Court of Justice?'

Squire Longbow interfered, and stated that he must say that things were going on very 'promis'cusly,' quite agin' the peace and dignity of the State.'

Jest so I think myself,' added Mrs. Brown. This place is like a town-meeting, for all the world.'

6

'Mrs. So-no-ra Brown!' exclaimed Ike, rising on his feet, a little enraged, do you know any thing about what Charity Beadle said about Philista Filkins? Answer this question.'

'Whew! fiddle-de-dee! highty-tighty! so you have really broke loose, Mr. Pettifogger,' for now the old lady's temper was up. Why, did n't you know I was old enough to be your grandmother? Why, my boy,' continued she, hurrying on her spectacles, and taking a long look at lke, 'I know'd your mother when she made cakes and pies down in the Jarseys; and you when you warn't more than so high;' and she measured about two feet high from the floor. You want me to answer, do you? I told you all I know'd about it; and if you want any thing more, I guess you'll have to get it, that's all;' and, jumping up, she left the witness-stand, and disappeared in the crowd.

'I demand an attachment for Sonora Brown!' roared out Ike,' an absconding witness !'

'Can't do it,' replied the Squire; it's agin' the Constitution to deprive any body of their liberty an unreasonable length of time. This witness has now been confined here by process of law morn-a-nour. Can't do it: Be guilty of trespass! Must stick to the Constitution. Call your next witness."

Ike swore. The Squire fined him one dollar. He swore again. The Squire fined him another. The faster the Squire fined, the faster the oaths rolled out of Ike's mouth, until the Squire had entered ten dollars against him. Ike swore again, and the Squire was about to record the eleventh dollar, but Ike checked him.

'Hold on! hold on! you old reprobate! now I've got you! now you are mine!' exclaimed he. 'You are up to the limit of the law! You cannot inflict only ten dollars in fines in any one case! Now stand and take it!'

And such a volley of oaths, cant phrases, humor, wrath, sarcasm, and fun, sometimes addressed to the Squire, sometimes to the audience, and sometimes to his client, never rolled out of any other man's mouth since the flood. Ike commenced with the history of the Squire, when, as he said,' he was a rafting lumber down on the Susquehannas;' and he followed him up from that time. 'He could tell the reason why he came west, but would n't.' He commented on his personal appearance, and his capacity for the office of Justice. He told him he had n't only one eye, any way, and he could n't be expected to see a great way into a mill-stone; and he did n't believe he had as many brains as an 'ister. For his part, he knew the law; he had ransacked every part of the statute, as a glutton would Noah's Ark for the remnant of an eel; he had digested it from Dan to Beersheba; swallowed every thing but the title-page and cover, and would have swallowed that if he warn't mortal; he was a living, moving law himself; when he said 'law was law, 'T WAS law;' better 'peal any thing up from predestination than from his opinion! he would follow this case to the backside of sun-down for his rights.'

During all this time, there was a complete uproar. Philista's friends cheered and hurrahed; the dogs in the room set up their barking; Beadle's friends groaned, and squealed, and bellowed, and whimpered, and

imitated all the domestic animals of the day, while the Squire was trying at the top of his lungs to compel the constable to commit Ike for contempt.

Ike closed and sat down. The Squire called for the constable, but he was not to be found. One man told him that he was in the next room pitching coppers;' another, that the last time he saw him 'he was running very fast;' another, that 'he rather guessed he'd be back some time another, if he ever was, because he was a sworn officer; another asked the Squire' what he'd give to have him catched?' but no constable appeared; he had put himself out the way to escape the

storm.

A long silence followed this outburst; not a word was said, and scarcely a noise heard. Every one was eagerly looking at the Squire for his next movement. Ike kept his eyes on the floor, apparently in a deep study. At last he arose :

Squire,' said he, 'we've been under something of a press of steam for the last half 'our; I move we adjourn fifteen minutes for a drink.' 'Done,' answered the Squire; and so the Court adjourned for a second time.

It was now nearly dark, when the Court convened again. The trial of the cause, Filkins vs. Beadle, was resumed.

Seth Bolles was called. Seth was a broad-backed, double-fisted fellow, with a blazing red face, and he chewed tobacco continually. He was about two-thirds over the bay,' and did n't care for all the Filkinses or Beadles in the world.

'Heard her say she thought she run'd too much arter Elik Timberlake.'

'Any thing, Seth, about Filkins' character?'

'Now what do you 'spose I know about Filkins' character? Much as I can do to look arter my own wimmin.'

'But have you heard Beadle say any thing about Filkins' character?' 'Heard her say once she was a good enough-er-sort-a body when she was a-mind-er-be.'

'Any thing else?'

'Shan't answer; hain't had my reg'lar fees paid as witness.'
Squire Longbow informed Seth that he must answer.
'Shan't do it, not so long as my name is Bolls.'

The Squire said he would commit him.

W-h-e-w!' drawled out Bolls, stooping down, and putting his arms a-kimbo, as he gave the Squire a long look straight in the eye. "Order! order!' exclaimed the Squire.

'Whew! whew! whew uo-uo-vo! who's afraid of a Justice of the Peace?' screamed Seth, jumping up about a foot, and squirting out a gill of tobacco-juice, as he struck the floor.

Seth's fees were paid him, at last, and the question was again put, if