Still here she goes-and there she goes,'— "Well, if I would, the deuce is in it!" "Don't make us wait; "Hold!" said the Yankee, ready!" His wife surveyed him with alarm, The "Here she goes-and there she goes!" "Lawks!" screamed the wife," I'm in a Run down and bring the little girl; “Here she goes—and there she goes!” "Lawks! he is mad! what made him thus? The doctors came, and looked and wondered, The landlord wagged his finger steady, • He heard them running down the stair, His mother happened in to see "Here she goes-and there she goes!" Here she goes-and there she goes!" The next would an emetic urge, The eighth, just come from a dissection, His verdict gave for an injection; A certain cure for earthly ills; "I had a patient yesternight," Quoth he, "and wretched was her plight," "Here she goes—and there she goes!" "You are all fools," the lady said, I saw the servant take 'em off, What means that smile? what means that His soul was all in sixpences, shiver? The landlord's limbs with rapture quiver, And triumph brightens up his face His finger yet shall win the race! The clock is on the stroke of nine And up he starts-""Tis mine! 'Tis mine!" "What do you mean?" "I mean the fifty! I never spent an hour so thrifty; "Who?" "The gentlemen-I mean the two But mine was in the boots. And often in my nightly dreams But ah! one morn I saw a sight Which struck me like a stone; A great tall pair of other boots Enough, enough--my song is sung, CHARLES GODFREY LELAND. LADIES' BOOTS. THE TALL GENTLEMAN TO HIS Eternal love to thee; A little glove stirs up my heart, as tides stir Upbraid me not! I never swore All sorts of lady-fixins thrill my feelings, as I wonder, dear, how you supposed they'd orter, nothin' shorter! Besides, you must confess, my love, The bargain's scarcely fair: For never could we make a match, Although we made a pair; Marriage, I know, makes one of two, But there's the horrid bore, My friends declare if you are one, That I at least am four! "T is true, the moralists have said, That Love has got no eyes; But why should all my sighs be heaved 'Tis usual for a wife to take Her husband by the arm-But pray excuse me, if I bint A sort of fond alarm, That when I offered you my arm, Your highest efforts, dear, would be, I do admit I wear a glass, My wife will e'er "look up to me" Through Herschel's telescope! Then fare thee well, my gentle one, I must not break my back, to gain Nor will I weep, lest I should hurt The tears that fall from such a height Farewell! and pray don't throw yourself In a basin or a tub; For that would be a sore disgrace To all the Six-Feet Club! But if you ever love again, Love on a smaller plan, For why extend to six feet three The life that's but a span? ANONYMOUS. THE IRISHMAN. There was a lady lived at Leith, His face was no ways beautiful, For with small-pox 'twas scarred across; One of his eyes was bottle green, The rattling, battling IrishmanThe stamping, ramping, swaggering, staggering, leathering swash of an Irishman. He took so much of Lundy-foot That he used to snort and snuffle-0; And in shape and size the fellow's neck Was as bad as the neck of a buffalo. O, the horrible Irishman The thundering, blundering IrishmanThe slashing, dashing, smashing, lashing, thrashing, hashing Irishman. His name was a terrible name, indeed, He'd not rest till he filled it full again; The 'toxicated Irishman The whiskey, frisky, rummy, gummy, brandy, no dandy Irishman. This was the lad the lady loved, Like all the girls of quality, And he broke the skulls of the men of Leith, Just by the way of jollity; O, the leathering Irishman The barbarous, savage Irishman- WILLIAM MAGINN. His heart was true to Poll, TRUE TO POLL. I'll sing you a song, not very long, But the story somewhat new, Of William Kidd, who, whatever he did, To his Poll was always true. And the last words he uttered, His heart was true to Poll, 'Twas a wreck. William, on shore he swam, When a noble savage lady, of a colour rather shady, Came up with a kind of grin :"Oh, marry me, and a king you'll be, And in a palace loll; Or we'll eat you, willy-nilly." His heart was true to Poll, THE NEW GENESIS. August, year unknown; time, Six o'clock in the morning; Sate in a tree an Ape; irrational; eating an apple, Raw; no cook as yet, no house, no shred of a garment; Soul, a blank; taste, nil; a thumb but slowly beginning; Warranted wholly an Ape, a great Jack-ape o' the forest, Jabbering, hairy, grim, arboreal wholly in habits. So he sate on till Noon, when, hushed in slumber around him, Everything lay dead; all save the murmuring insect, Whose small voice still spake, proclaiming silence. Awaking Suddenly then he rose, and thinking scorn of his fellows Longed to be quit of them all, his Apess specially. She, dear, Knew no dream, no vision; her apelet playing about her All her thought, her care! At Four, he finally left her, Went to live by himself, but felt a pang-'twas a conscience Budding, in germ! yet went; then stopped to bathe in a fountain; Away a twelvemonth sped, and a happy life Wow! What an ugly phiz! He saw and he led And he wore a pair of overshoes; shuddered; a Ruskin Stirred in his breast. Taste born! - the seed of a mighty Ideal, Rafaelesque, Titanic! Erect he strode through the jungle, Ile'd corals and knives, and twenty-six wives, Cleaving his way with a stick ;—Art's rise! Whose beauties I cannot here extol: One day they all revolted, So he back to Bristol bolted, For his heart was true to Poll. An implement-maker, Parent of Armstrong guns, steam-rams, et cætera ! The Spectator. A MIXED DECISION. At some of the bush races in Northern Queensland, a capital fellow was, by common consent, appointed to the responsible position of judge. He mixed his liquors pretty freely, and towards afternoon he was the enemy of no man. The last race of the day was a match between a black horse and a gray. They changed positions several times in the run in, and the finish looked like a "dead heat." There was a general rush to hear the decision of the judge, who stood calmly steadying himself by a friendly post. "Well," cried the excited crowd, "which was it? Was it the black? Was it the gray?" "You're all wrong!" said the judge, in his most judicial manner. ""Twas neither one nor t'other; the winner was a blessed smart piebald." ious services, asking the clergymen to decide among themselves which one would preach. Mr. Herford at once excused himself on the ground that he had been preaching steadily through his vacation and wanted rest. Dr. Brooks thereupon suggested that, as Dr. Ellis was the oldest, he ought to speak. "Oh, no," Dr. Ellis responded, "it would be nonsense for me to preach when everybody wants to hear you." And so with disclaimers and compliments the matter was turned over and discussed until it ended in there being no service whatever. "Well," sighed the captain to a sympathetic passenger, "I did what I could. But isn't it confoundedly singular," he continued confidentially, "three fire-escapes on board and nobody saved from the burning." DISTINCTION BETWEEN THE FORM OF PRAYERS. An old darkey who was asked if, in his experience, prayer was ever answered, replied: "Well, sah! some pra'rs is ansud, an' some isn't-'pends on w'at you axes fo'. Jest arter de wah, w'en it was mighty hard scratchin' fo' de cullud breddern, I 'bsarved dat w'eneber I pway de Lord to sen' one o' Marse Peyton's fat turkeys fo' de old man, dere was no notis took ob de partition; but w'en I pway dat He would sen' de ole man fo' de turkey, de matter was 'tended to befo' sun-up nex' mornin', dead sartin." SUSPECTED HER HUSBAND. An Irish woman applied to a lawyer to procure a divorce for her. 'Well," said the lawyer, "and on what ground do you claim a divorce? Has your husband ever beaten you?" "Divil a bit, sor; it's not the loikes of him that can bate me." "Or has he deserted and failed to support you?" 'Indade, sor, I only wisht he wad desert me. Shure, sor, I've supported him ever since we came to Ameriky." "Then have you any reason to believe that he has been guilty of infidelity ?" "An' phwat's that, yer honer?"" |