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Gave hints of who and who's together;
Then fell a talking of the weather ;
Last night was so extremely fine,
The ladies walk'd ull after nine ;
Then, in soft voice and speech absurd,
With nonsense every second word,
With fustian from exploded plays,
They celebrate her beauty's praise :
Run o'er their cant of stupid lies,
And tell the murders of her eyes.

With silent scorn Vanessa sat,
Scarce listening to their idle chat;
Further than sometimes by a frown,
When they grew pert, to pull them down.
At last she spitefully was bent
To try their wisdom's full extent;
And said she valued nothing less
Than titles, figuro, shape, and dress;
That merit should be chiefly plac'd
In judgment, knowledge, wit, and taste ;
And these, she offer'd to dispute,
Alone distinguish'd man from brute ;
That present times have no pretence
To virtue, in the noble sense
By Greeks and Romans understood,
To perish for our country's good.
She nam’d the ancient heroes round,
Explain'd for what they were renown'd;
Then spoke with censure or applause
Of foreign customs, rites, and laws;
Through nature and through art she rang'd,
And gracefully her subject chang’d;
In vain! her hearers had no share
In all she spoke, except to stare.
Their judgment was, upon the whole,
—“That lady as the dullest soul !-"
Then tipt their forehead in a jeer,
As who should say—“ She wants it here!
She may be handsome, young, and rich,
But none will burn her for a witch!”

A party next of glittering dames, From round the purlieus of St. James, Came early, out of pure good-will, To see the girl in dishabille. Their clamor, 'lighting from their chairs, Grew louder all the way up stairs; At entrance loudest, where they found The room with volumes litter'd round. Vanessa held Montaigne, and read, Whilst Mrs. Susan comb'd her head. They call'd for tea and chocolate, And fell into their usual chat, Discoursing, with important face, On ribbons, fans, and gloves, and lace; Show'd patterns just from India brought, And gravely ask'd her what she thought, Whether the red or green were best, And what they cost ? Vanessa guess'd, As came into her fancy first; Nam'd half the rates, and lik'd the worst. To scandal next—“What awkward thing Was that last Sunday in the ring ? I'm sorry Mopsa breaks so fast: I said, her face would never last. Corinna, with that youthful air, Is thirty, and a bit to spare: Her fondness for a certain earl Began when I was but a girl! Phyllis, who but a month ago Was married to the Tunbridge-beau,


I saw coquetting tother night
In public with that odious knight!

They rallied next Vanessa's dress :
- That gown was made for old queen Bess.
Dear madam, let me see your head :
Don't you intend to put on red ?
A petticoat without a hoop!
Sure, you are not asham'd to stoop!
With handsome garters at your knees,
No matter what a fellow sees.
Fill’d with disdain, with rage inflam'd,
Both of herself and sex asham'd,
The nymph stood silent out of spite,
Nor would vouchsafe to set them right.
Away the fair detractors went,
And gave by turns their censures vent.
She's not so handsome in my eyes :
For wit, I wonder, where it lies !
“She's fair and clean, and that's the most
But why proclaim her for a toast ?
A baby face: no lise, no airs,
But what she learn'd at country-fairs :
Scarce knows what difference is between
Rich Flanders lace and colberteen.
I'll undertake, my little Nancy
In flounces hath a better fancy!
With all her wit, I would not ask
Her judgment, how to buy a mask.
We begg'd her but to patch her face,
She never hit one proper place ;
Which every girl at five years old
Can do as soon as she is told.
I own, that out-of-fashion stuff
Becomes the creature well enough.
The girl might pass, if we could get her
To know the world a little better."
(To know the world! a modern phrase,
For visits, ombre, balls, and plays.)

Thus, to the world's perpetual shame, The queen of beauty lost her aim; Too late with grief she understood, Pallas had done more harm than good; For great examples are but vain, Where ignorance begets disdain. Both sexes, arm’d with guilt and spite, Against Vanessa's power unite : To copy her few nymphs aspir’d; Her virtues fewer swains admir'd. So stars beyond a certain height Give mortals neither heat nor light.

Yet some of either sex, endow'd With gifts superior to the crowd, With virtue, knowledge, taste, and wit, She condescended to admit: With pleasing arts she could reduce Men's talents to their proper use : And with address each genius held To that wherein it most excellid; Thus making others' wisdom known, Could please them, and improve her our A modest youth said something new She plac'd it in the strongest view. All humble worth she strove to raise; Would not be prais'd, yet lov'd to praise The learned met with free approach, Although they came not in a coach : Some clergy too she would allow, Nor quarrell'd at their awkward bow; But this was for Cadenus' sake, A gownman of a different make;

2 I 2

Whom Pallas, once Vanessa's tutor,
Had fix'd on for her coadjutor.

But Cupid, full of mischief, longs
To vindicate his mother's wrongs.
On Pallas all attempts are vain :
One way he knows to give her pain;
Vows on Vanessa's heart to take
Due vengeance, for her patron's sake.
Those early seeds by Venus sown,
In spite of Pallas, now were grown;
And Cupid hop'd they would improve
By time, and ripen into love.
The boy made use of all his craft,
In vain discharging many a shaft,
Pointed at colonels, lords, and beaux :
Cadenus warded off the blows;
For, placing still some book betwixt,
The darts were in the cover fix'd,
Or, often blunted and recoil'd,
On Plutarch's Morals struck, were spoil'd.

The queen of wisdom could foresee,
But not prevent, the Fates' decree :
And human caution tries in vain
To break that adamantine chain.
Vanessa, though by Pallas taught,
By Love invulnerable thought,
Searching in books for wisdom's aid,
Was, in the very search, betray'd.

Cupid, though all his darts were lost,
Yet still resolv'd to spare no cost :
He could not answer to his fame
The triumphs of that stubborn dame,
A nymph so hard to be subdued,
Who neither was coquette nor prude.
“I find," said he, "she wants a doctor
Both to adore her, and instruct her:
I'll give her what she most admires,
Among those venerable sires,
Cadenus is a subject fit,
Grown old in politics and wit,
Caress'd by ministers of state,
Of half mankind the dread and hate.
Whate'er vexations love attend,
She need no rivals apprehend.
Her sex, with universal voice,
Must laugh at her capricious choice."
Cadenus many things had writ:
Vanessa much esteem'd his wit,
And callid for his poetic works :
Meantime the boy in secret lurks ;
And, while the book was in her hand,
The urchin from his private stand
Took aim, and shot with all his strength
A dart of such prodigious length,
It pierc'd the feeble volume through,
And deep transfix'd her bosom too.
Some lines, more moving than the rest,
Stuck to the point that pierc'd her breast,
And, borne directly to the heart,
With pains unknown, increas'd her smart.

Vanessa, not in years a score,
Dreams of a gown of forty-four;
Imaginary charms can find
In eyes with reading almost blind :
Cadenus now no more appears
Declin'd in health, advanced in years.
She fancies music in his tongue;
No farther looks, but thinks him young.
What mariner is not afraid
To venture in a ship decay'd ?

What planter will attempt to yoke
A sapling with a falling oak ?
As years increase, she brighter shines
Cadenus with each day declines :
And he must fall a prey to time,
While she continues in her prime.

Cadenus, common forms apart,
In every scene had kept his heart;
Had sigh'd and languish’d, vow'd and writ
For pastime, or to show his wit.
But books, and time, and state affairs,
Had spoil'd his fashionable airs :
He now could praise, esteem, approve,
But understood not what was love.
His conduct might have made him styl'd
A father, and the nymph his child.
That innocent delight he took
To see the virgin mind her book,
Was but the master's secret joy
In school to hear the finest boy.
Her knowledge with her fancy grew;
She hourly press'd for something new;
Ideas came into her mind
So fast, his lessons laggd behind ;
She reason'd, without plodding long,
Nor ever gave her judgment wrong.
But now a sudden change was wrought:
She minds no longer what he taught.
Cadenus was amaz'd to find
Such marks of a distracted mind:
For, though she seem'd to listen more
To all he spoke, than e'er before,
He found her thoughts would absent range,
Yet guess'd not whence could spring the change
And first he modestly conjectures
His pupil might be tired with lectures;
Which help'd to mortify his pride,
Yet gave him not the heart to chide :
But, in a mild dejected strain,
At last he ventur'd to complain ;
Said, she should be no longer teas’d,
Might have her freedom when she pleas'd;
Was now convinc'd he acted wrong,
To hide her from the world so long,
And in dull studies to engage
One of her tender sex and age;
That every nymph with envy own'd,
How she might shine in the grand monde :
And every shepherd was undone
To see her cloister'd like a nun.
This was a visionary scheme:
He wak’d, and found it but a dream
A project far above his skill ;
For nature must be nature still
If he were bolder than became
A scholar to a courtly dame,
She might excuse a man of letters
Thus tutors often treat their betters.
And, since his talk offensive grew,
He came to take his last adieu.

Vanessa, filld with just disdain,
Would still her dignity maintain,
Instructed from her early years
To scorn the art of female tears.

Had he employd his time so long
To teach her what was right and wrong.
Yet could such notions entertain
That all his lectures were in vain ?
She own'd the wandering of her thoughts :
But he must answer for her faults.


She well remembered, 'to her cost,

But, not to dwell on things minute, That all his lessons were not lost.

Vanessa finish'd the dispute, Two maxims she could still produce,

Brought weighty arguments to prove And sad experience taught their use ;

That reason was her guide in love. That virtue, pleas'd by being shown,

She thought he had himself describ'd Knows nothing which it dares not own;

His doctrines when she first imbib'd : Can make us without fear disclose

What he had planted now was grown; Our inmost secrets to our foes :

His virtues she might call her own; That common forms were not design'd

As he approves, as he dislikes, Directors to a noble mind.

Love or contempt her fancy strikes. “Now," said the nymph, “to let you see

Self-love, in nature rooted fast, My actions with your rules agree;

Attends us first, and leaves us last : That I can vulgar forms despise,

Why she likes him, admire not at her; And have no secrets to disguise:

She loves herself, and that's the matter I knew, by what you said and writ,

How was her tutor wont to praise How dangerous things were men of wit ;

The geniuses of ancient days! You caution'd me against their charms,

(Those authors he so oft had nam'd, But never gave me equal arms;

For learning, wit, and wisdom fam'd,) Your lessons found the weakest part,

Was struck with love, esteem, and awe, Aim'd at the head, but reach'd the heart." For persons whom he never saw. Cadenus felt within him rise

Suppose Cadenus flourish'd then, Shame, disappointment, guilt, surprise.

He must adore such godlike men. He knew not how to reconcile

If one short volume could comprise Such language with her usual style :

All that was witty, learn'd, and wise, And yet her words were so express’d,

How would it be esteem'd and read, He could not hope she spoke in jest,

Although the writer long were dead! His thoughts had wholly been confin'd

If such an author were alive, To form and cultivate her mind.

How all would for his friendship strive, He hardly knew, till he was told,

And come in crowds to see his face ! Whether the nymph were young or old ;

And this she takes to be her case. Had met her in a public place,

Cadenus answers every end, Without distinguishing her face :

The book, the author, and the friend ; Much less could his declining age

The utmost her desires will reach, Vanessa's earliest thoughts engage;

Is but to learn what he can teach: And, if her youth indifference met,

His converse is a system fit His person must contempt beget:

Alone to fill up all her wit; Or, grant her passion be sincere,

While every passion of her mind How shall his innocence be clear?

In him is center'd and confin'd. Appearances were all so strong,

Love can with speech inspire a mute, The world must think him in the wrong; And taught Vanessa to dispute. Would say, he made a treacherous use

This topic, never touch'd before, Of wit, to flatter and seduce :

Display'd her eloquence the more : The town would swear, he had betray'd

Her knowledge, with such pains acquir'd, By magic spells the harmless maid :

By this new passion grew inspir'd; And, every beau would have his jokes,

Through this she made all objects pass, That scholars were like other folks ;

Which gave a tincture o'er the mass ; And when Platonic flights were over,

As rivers, though they bend and twine, The tutor turn'd a mortal lover!

Still to the sea their course incline; So tender of the young and fair!

Or, as philosophers, who find It show'd a true paternal care

Some favorite system to their mind, Five thousand guineas in her purse!

In every point to make it fit, The doctor might have fancied worse.

Will force all nature to submit. Hardly at length he silence broke,

Cadenus, who could ne'er suspect And falter'd every word he spoke;

His lessons would have such effect, Interpreting her complaisance,

Or be so artfully applied, Just as a man sans conséquence.

Insensibly came on her side. She rallied well, he always knew :

It was an unforeseen event; Her manner now was something new;

Things took a turn he never meant. And what she spoke was in an air

Whoe'er excels in what we prize, As serious as a tragic player.

Appears a hero in our eyes : But those who aim at ridicule

Each girl, when pleas'd with what is taught, Should fix upon some certain rule,

Will have the teacher in her thought. Which fairly hints they are in jest,

When Miss delights in her spinnet, Else he must enter his protest :

A fiddler may a fortune get; For, let a man be ne'er so wise,

A blockhead, with melodious voice, He may be caught with sober lies;

In boarding-schools may have his choice; A science which he never taught,

And oft the dancing-master's art And, to be free, was dearly bought;

Climbs from the toe to touch the heart. For, take it in its proper light,

In learning let a nymph delight, "Tis just what coxcorbs call a bite.

The pedant gets a mistress by 't.

Cadenus, to his grief and shame,
Could scarce oppose Vanessa's flame :
And, though her arguments were strong,
At least could hardly wish them wrong.
Howe'er it came, he could not tell,
But sure she never talk'd so well.
His pride began to interpose ;
Preferr'd before a crowd of beaux!
So bright a nymph to come unsought!
Such wonder by his merit wrought !
'Tis merit must with her prevail !
He never knew her judgment fail!
She noted all she ever read!
And had a most discerning head!

'Tis an old maxim in the schools,
That flattery's the food of fools,
Yet now and then your men of wit
Will condescend to take a bit.

So, when Cadenus could not hide,
He chose to justify, his pride ;
Construing the passion she had shown,
Much to her praise, more to his own,
Nature in him had merit plac'd,
In her a most judicious taste,
Love, hitherto a transient guest,
Ne'er held possession of his breast;
So long attending at the gate,
Disdain'd to enter in so late.
Love why do we one passion call,
When 'tis a compound of them all ?
Where hot and cold, where sharp and sweet,
In all their equipages meet ;
Where pleasures mix'd with pains appear,
Sorrow with joy, and hope with fear;
Wherein his dignity and age
Forbid Cadenus to engage.
But friendship, in its greatest height,
A constant, rational delight,
On virtue's basis fix'd to last,
When love allurements long are past,
Which gently warms, but cannot burn,
He gladly offers in return;
His want of passion will redeem
With gratitude, respect, esteem;
With that devotion we bestow,
When goddesses appear below.

While thus Cadenus entertains Vanessa in exalted strains, The nymph in sober words entreats A truce with all sublime conceits : For why such raptures, flights, and fancies, To her who durst not read romances ? In lofty style to make replies, Which he had taught her to despise ? But when her tutor will affect Devotion, duty, and respect, He fairly abdicates the throne ; The government is now her own; He has a forfeiture incurr’d; She vows to take him at his word, And hopes he will not think it strange, If both should now their stations change. The nymph will have her turn to be The tutor; and the pupil, he : Though she already can discern Her scholar is not apt to learn; Or wants capacity to reach The science she designs to teach : Wherein his genius was below The skill of every common beau,

Who, though he cannot spell, is wise
Enough to read a lady's eyes,
And will each accidental glance
Interpret for a kind advance.

But what success Vanessa met,
Is to the world a secret yet.
Whether the nymph, to please her swain,
Talks in a high romantic strain ;
Or whether he at last descends
To act with less seraphic ends ;
Or, to compound the business, whether
They temper love and books together;
Must never to mankind be told,
Nor shall the conscious Muse unfold.

Meantime the mournful queen of love Led but a weary life above. She ventures now to leave the skies, Grown by Vanessa's conduct wise : For, though by one perverse event Pallas had cross'd her first intent; Though her design was not obtain'd, Yet had she much experience gain'd; And by the project vainly tried, Could better now the cause decide. She gave due notice, that both parties, Coram regina, prox' die Martis, Should at their peril, without fail, Come and appear, and save their bail. All met; and, silence thrice proclaim'd One lawyer to each side was nam'd. The judge discover'd in her face Resentments for her late disgrace; And, full of anger, shame, and grief, Directed them to mind their brief, Nor spend their time to show their reading She'd have a summary proceeding. She gather'd under every head The sum of what each lawyer said, Gave her own reasons last, and then Decreed the cause against the men.

But, in a weighty case like this,
To show she did not judge amiss,
Which evil tongues might else report,
She made a speech in open court,
Wherein she grievously complains,
“How she was cheated by the swains :
On whose petition (humbly showing,
That women were not worth the wooing
And that, unless the sex would mend,
The race of lovers soon must end)
She was at Lord knows what expense
To form a nymph of wit and sense,
A model for her sex design'd,
Who never could one lover find.
She saw her favor was misplac'd ;
The fellows had a wretched taste ;
She needs must tell them to their face
They were a stupid, senseless race;
And, were she to begin again,
She'd study to reform the men ;
Or add some grains of folly more
To women, than they had before,
To put them on an equal foot ;
And this, or nothing else, would do't.
This might their mutual fancy strike,
Since every being loves its like.

“But now, repenting what was done
She left all business to her son ;
She puts the world in his possession,
And lets him use it at discretion."

The crier was order'd to dismiss The court, so made his last yes!

THE JOURNAL OF A MODERN LADY. The goddess would no longer wait; But, rising from her chair of state,

Left all below at six and seven,
Harness'd her doves, and flew to Heaven.

It was a most unfriendly part
In you, who ought to know my heart,
Are well acquainted with my zeal
For all the female commonweal-

How could it come into your mind

To pitch on me, of all mankind,

Against the sex to write a satire, All travellers at first incline

And brand me for a woman-hater ? Where'er they see the fairest sign;

On me, who think them all so fair, And, if they find the chambers neat,

They rival Venus to a hair; And like the liquor and the meat,

Their virtues never ceas'd to sing, Will call again and recommend

Since first I learn'd to tune a string?
The Angel-inn to every friend.

Methinks I hear the ladies cry, ,
What though the painting grows decay'd, Will he his character belie?
The house will never lose its trade :

Must never our misfortunes end?
Nay, though the treacherous tapster Thomas And have we lost our only friend ?
Hangs a new Angel two doors from us,

Ah, lovely nymphs, remove your fear As fine as daubers' hands can make it,

No more let fall those precious tears,
In hopes that strangers may mistake it,

Sooner shall, &c.
We think it both a shame and sin
To quit the true old Angel-inn.

[Here are several verses omitted.] Now this is Stella's case in fact,

The hound be hunted by the hare, An angel's face a little crack’d:

Than I turn rebel to the fair. (Could poets or could painters fix

'Twas you engag'd me first to write. How angels look at thirty-six :)

Then gave the subject out of spite : This drew us in at first to find

The journal of a modern dame In such a form an angel's mind;

Is by my promise what you claim. And every virtue now supplies

My word is past, I must submit; The fainting rays of Stella's eyes.

And yet, perhaps, you may be bit. See at her levee crowding swains,

I but transcribe ; for not a line Whom Stella freely entertains

Of all the satire shall be mine. With breeding, humor, wit, and sense ;

Compellid by you to tag in rhymes And puts them but to small expense ;

The common slanders of the times, Their mind so plentifully fills,

Of modern times, the guilt is yours, And makes such reasonable bills,

And me my innocence secures. So little gets for what she gives,

Unwilling Muse, begin thy lay, We really wonder how she lives!

The annals of a female day. And, had her stock been less, no doubt

By nature turn'd to play the rake well, She must have long ago run out.

(As we shall show you in the sequel,) Then who can think we'll quit the place, The modern dame is wak'd by noon, When Doll hangs out a newer face?

(Some authors say, not quite so soon,) Or stop and light at Chloe's head,

Because, though sore against her will, With scraps and leavings to be fed ? :

She sate all night up al quadrille. Then, Chloe, still go on to prate

She stretches, gapes, unglues her eyes, Of thirty-six and thirty-eight;

And asks, if it be time to rise : Pursue your trade of scandal-picking,

Of head-ache and the spleen complains ; Your hints that Stella is no chicken;

And then, to cool her heated brains, Your innuendoes, when you tell us,

Her night-gown and her slippers brought her That Stella loves to talk with fellows :

Takes a large dram of citron-water.
And let me warn you to believe

Then to her glass; and, “ Betty, pray
A truth, for which your soul should grieve ; Don't I look frightfully to-day?
That, should you live to see the day

But was it not confounded hard ?
When Stella's locks must all be grey,

Well, if I ever touch a card! When age must print a furrow'd trace

Four mattadores, and lose codille! On every feature of her face ;

Depend upon't, I never will. Though you, and all your senseless tribe,

But run to Tom, and bid him fix Could art, or time, or nature bribe,

The ladies here to-night by six.' To make you look like beauty's queen,

“ Madam, the goldsmith waits below; And hold for ever at fifteen;

He says, His business is to know No bloom of youth can ever blind

If you 'll redeem the silver cup The cracks and wrinkles of your mind :

He keeps in pawn?"_" First, show him up All men of sense will pass your door,

“Your dressing-plate he'll be content And crowd to Stella's at fourscore.

To take, for interest cent. per cent.

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