PARIS PENCILLINGS.

BOHEMIA-IN-PARIS.

DEAR SIR,-According to your wish that I should keep my eye on the British Tourist in Paris, I beg to state that I have had only too many opportunities of studying him. I am at present copying in the Louvre, where he most doth congregate. He comes in swarms and settles round your easel-stands in your light--criticizes your workmakes remarks on your attire, &c.-upsets your turpentine andvanishes! You will naturally ask, "Do these people not see you are English, that they so coolly criticize you? One would think that if they 'put this and that together' they would not pull you to pieces." No; the beauty of it is they don't recognise the elegant and refined Porrs in the person of a brigand in a felt hat and Wellington boots! Again, you will ask, "Why have you adopted this eccentric costume?" Sir, it is for the very reason of not wishing to appear eccentric, or to look peculiar, that I have adopted it. Living in the society of Parisian students it would never do to dress like a rational being. Were I to wear my hair a decent length I should be the laughing stock of a whole atelier-did they but know I ever combed it, I should be scouted from all Beaux Arts society.

My beard (hem!) I have let grow wherever it will. (Do you laugh at our beard?) An immense Rubenesque sombrero hat is stuck jauntily in my mouth, and a clay pipe is thrown carelessly on the side of my head. (There is some mistake in the foregoing-please correct.) My coat is seedy on the outside, the lining is dying a natural death on the inside; it is torn in several places, for, unlike the old gentleman in MILLAIS' picture, my time is not much taken up in "sewing tears." My boots I wear over my trousers. I have adopted a sort of slangy, shuffling gait. I carry a large wooden paint-box, and I sing popular melodies when walking in the street, which singing consists of a chronic "yodel" like a hobbledehoy's voice in a transition state.

V Vow

Alkali

W I

Union

B

Ban

A

Anne

N

Niebuhr

SOLUTIONS OF ACROSTIC No. 8, RECEIVED MAY 8th.-None correct.

One

Attired thus, I wend my way towards the Louvre. On arriving, the first thing to do is to look about for a good easel and carpet that have been carefully put away by somebody else. If you can't find one, lay hands on stool, easel, and carpet of some poor wretch who has gone to déjeuner, and bear them off bodily to your place. When, on his return, he finds the whole paraphernalia disappeared, he can't accuse you, as in all probability he procured them in the same manner. plan is to paint your initials in large and conspicuous characters on both easel and stool, but as nearly all the students practise this, some difficulty might arise as to who was the lawful owner. I will just give you an idea of a quiet morning's work. Supposing I have just begun in charcoal. Enter to me English family-pa, ma, two daughters, and one son. The pa is clerical, chokery, pompous, portly, and portwiney. The ma, sharp, strict, Sunday-schoolish, and souptickety. The daughters, pink, proper, booky, and bread-and-buttery. The son, fourteen, fat and freckly, with a tall hat and short jacket. All crowd round. Pa clears his throat, and commences a long jobation on painting in general, from the early ages down to the present time. All listen attentively except puffy son, who is staring hard at a stout lady with a fish's tail in one of RUBENS' pictures. He is reprimanded for not paying attention, and pa continues. He informs them that this person (meaning me, Sir) is copying a Titian (it being a Rembrandt), " a painter that was much thought of in his time," though he (pa) must confess that his (Titian's) colour always struck him as being "earthy." Eldest daughter asks why the "person" is "doing it" all in black (I have just commenced in charcoal). Is informed by pa that this is the great fault of the French school. They were "too gritty." Youngest daughter gushingly, declares that seeing pictures always made her die to be an artist. Is reproved by ma, who says that having had lessons at school, that was all "any young lady could desire.' "But, then," argues daughter No. 2; I only did heads and landscapes, and easy things like

thet." "And quite enough too, HENRIETTA!" is ma's reply. I thought so, too. Puffy son asks why artists "dress so jolly rum ?" Another long harangue from pa on artists in general, and French ones in particular, together with a novel and highly entertaining description of students and their ways of living.

"Taking this young man as an example," he observes, "I have no doubt but that he is of the lowest extraction. Perchance a mere peasant from the South of France. He comes to Paris-he is thrown into a whirlpool of gaiety and pleasure-he grows careless, and moustachios, and by degrees sinks lower and lower until he can scarcely scrape a few sous together by exercising his profession."

At this juncture I draw from my pocket a small publication. On unfolding it I display in large letters on the title-page, FUN, and with a sweet smile that is all my own, I fix my cold grey eye on the quartette around me, and sing softly, "Paddle your own canoe.' The effect is miraculous. They fly! and I am left-not alone though, for a newlymarried couple have taken their place; they are being dragged about by a guide. The gentleman gapes the whole time, and the lady, being an amateur artist, is severe in her remarks. I am no sooner released from them than a party of Cook's excursionists come up; and so on throughout the whole day.

I overheard a conversation in the BONAPARTE room the other day. BROWN and JONES were gazing with reverence at the cocked hat, &c., of the late emperor. Says SMITH (half speaking to BROWN and half to himself), "To think that that hat has been worn on the head of the great NAP!" "Then," says BROWN, interrupting his friend's reverie, "Then I suppose that accounts for the Nap being worn off the great hat, eh!" Feeling unwell, I left. Yours,

A Modiste Note.

THE example set by the art-critic of the Daily Telegraph_who refused the other day to tell the public anything about the Society of British Artists because he considered there was not a picture worth looking at, is being conscientiously followed. The following paragraph appears in the Little Times, a penny sheet supposed to contain scraps of news:

"La France of to-day furnishes us with a programme of the movements of the Sovereigns. It is too long for our short columns, though no doubt to many of our readers it would be wonderfully interesting."

Thank you for nothing, most worthy sub-editor of the Little Times. After this we ought not to be surprised at seeing something to the following effect in a newspaper:-" Yesterday the Judge Ordinary was employed in trying one of the most extraordinary divorce cases that has ever come before him, but as it will no doubt be too exciting for our readers we will say no more about it."

Answers to Correspondents.

[We cannot return rejected MSS. or sketches unless they are accompanied by a stamped and directed envelope.]

F. W., Bristol.-We don't see the point of the communication.

R. T., Liverpool.-Was done some weeks ago in FUN.
SOAPSUDS.-Won't wash.

T. J., Wood-green.-But we don't think the public would grin too. "No. 1, ROUND THE CORNER."-We suppose the joke is there too, for we can't see it.

E. C., Ipswich-In this instance, despite the old saying, E. C. does not

TEASER.-Not quite, this time.

A SCOTCH READER.-Many thanks.

NEW-CROSS.-Thanks for the suggestion, but it is of no use.

A CRIB BITER.-Unfortunately we don't see the Bucks Herald, and so were not aware of your article.

COUNTRY COUSIN will find what he requires in our numbers every week. J. H., Hastings.-Our letter was not attended to.

M. S. P., Montrose.-Too late.

COMET. Thanks. We did not detect the erratic appearance.
CERBERN will find his rejection in our back numbers.

hill; Rodolph; W. O., Liverpool; W. S., Birmingham; E. L., SalisburyDeclined with thanks-W. P., Wimbledon; Sigma; H. H., Nottingstreet; Scotchman; U. Q.,; Adelphi; J. H. T., Dublin; W. P. T., Wallingford; H. R. R., Edinburgh; C. G. A.; H. W. S.; F. W. H., Belgrave-road; T. M., Dublin; "A man wot suffered;" R. L. P., Darlington; Machinist; L. B. E.. City; E. H. R.; H. S. J.; A. B., Manchester; E. W. L.; J. W; A Reformer; A. H., Newbury; H. Belgrave-road;

Musical.

THE last novelty in the Ethiopian melody line is "Black Hide Susan."

W. G. I, Islington; R. W., Manchester; Contra; P. G., Junior; X; W. T., Bayswater; D. I., Bridgewater; J. F.; R. F. B., South Belgravia; H. T. M., Waterloo; S. F., Bristol; "Veretas;" J. P., Camberwell; R. H., Glasgow; R. B. B., Westminster; J. W. S., Dublin; Tig; W. W., Stafford, J. P., junor, Whitehaven; A. Z.; Daphne.

DITBORDA

SPORTING INTELLIGENCE. NICHOLAS IN BUSINESS FOR HIMSELF.

THE ORIENTAL REPOSITORY, HORSELAYDOWN. MY DEAR YOUNG FRIEND,-To all those which may have inquired, some of them individuously, and others in the spirit of a brother man, concerning of my present locus in quo you are now in a position to reply that I may be found at the above address, where all the chief periodicals of the day are on sale, and the Times lent to read. I was absent from your cheerful columns last week, it is true; but, my dear young Friend, your classic lore will remind you as Rome was not built in a day, nor yet was the Oriental Repository, which I had to take it with some of the old stock, and between ourselves it has got a bad name, or they would not let me have it cheap. Your artist, however-than whom a more respectable young man for his position in life, and I wish I had had something better on the premises at the moment than half of a bottle of stout which, I am afraid, as it was a little turned with the hot weather-your artist, Sir, will tell you that NICHOLAS, who was once the glass of fashion, the mould of form, and the cynicrure of neighbouring eyes, is quietly converted into an honest British tradesman, ever ready for to sell you a penny Sunday paper, affable to the widow and the orphan, and not unlikely for to ultimately soar into the very loftiest parochial honours. You will naturally ask me where I got my capital. I got it, my dear young Friend, from the quarter where least expected. At a time when my frenzied appeals to you, Sir, for a ten-pound note was treated with derision-and, between ourselves, you would never have seen the money again if you had been fool enough to lend it!-at that time, Sir, who should come forward but my Relative, of whom I have frequently spoken in these pages, not always, perhaps, with that warm affection which it is his rightful due, but well he knows as I have always really loved him. His words were plain and blunt, which I will transcribe a few of them: "If left without any assistance whatever, you will probably take to Crime; and, although you have treated your best friends with scandalous ingratitude, they have no desire to see you in a felon's cell. You shall have another chance. You are not absolutely a fool; and with common care and attention you may pick up a decent living in the periodical line. Stick to business; keep yourself sober; and all may yet be well." Very plainly put, Sir, was it not? and so here is my relative's jolly good health, in a bumper! And yours, Sir! And we will let the bumper pass, whilst we'll fill another glass, to the athletic men of merry, merry England!

"The Oriental Repository," Sir, it is a name, or rather an appellation, which I have invented it all out of my own head, on account of Horselaydown being in the East.

CHAPTER THE SECOND.

A PARTING WORD WITH THE E. K. A. A. S. S. A. F. G. LOOKING over some of the old stock, Sir, what should I see but a East Kent Advertiser and Sheerness, Sittingbourne, and Faversham Guardian, which well-known print have recently been having words with me. To my delight, I find that the East Kent, &c., &c., &c., can at last see a joke. Give him a conspicious, position, MESSRS. JUDD AND GLASS, for the Prophet is old enough, and strong enough, and wise enough for to forgive, thanks be! The Sheerness Guardian, if he will look in at the Oriental Repository, I will say nothing about back numbers, but gladly pledge him in the rosy wine.

"THE SHEERNESS GUARDIAN.-After all, it appears that "Nicholas" must have visited Sheerness, and we beg pardon of "the old man honourable," for having insinuated that he came amongst us only in spirit, we had better, perhaps, say in imagination, or he may take the reference to "spirit" as a personal reflection. From his recent reverses, he is evidently somewhat out of spirits. We wish him better luck in his Derby vaticination. One thing we admire in the "old man's" conduct, is the sensible course which he took in purchasing a current copy of the East Kent Advertiser, and Sheerness, Sittingbourne, and Faversham Guardian, during his stay. Had he done this before he complained of the "sherry," a reference to our advertising columns would have put him in possession of information which would have obviated his complaint by directing him where to get some good

sherry. When the "old man" visits Sheerness again, let him ignore his ungrateful friend of former days, whose reception so annoyed him, and send in his card to the E. K. A., &c., we will gladly introduce him to a bottle of "Pale" or "Golden." that shall merit a character many degrees above "beastly." Moreover, we will show him that the Sheerness of the present day is a very different locality to the Sheerness of fifty years ago, and that a very enjoyable day, especially in summer weather, may be spent in strolling along the Sheppy Beach.

It appears to us that the reason "a very large section of our fellow-countrymen at a distance" view Sheerness as such a one horse" sort of a place, as a Yankee would say, is to be found in the fact, which we pointed out recently, that no step has ever been taken by the inhabitants to bring its real merits before public notice." Well, Sir, I dare say as the Sheerness Guardian is quite right; and thorh he do not catch me, not at the Prophet's present period, awalking along Sheppy Beach, yet I am glad as he have made things pleasant. But, Sir, there is a old cove in the same paper, which he actually signs hisself "The Writer of the Article on the Luxembourg Question," and than whom a more wicious old public journalist never tried to ruin a humble Prophet. This old cock, Sir, if such he may be ealled, is very angry because I said his literary style was exactly like mine, which it is, but he do not see the compliment. He imagines as I said as he was ungrammatical, whereas what I really said was that he wrote exactly like your Prophet. I ain't ungrammatical, am I? Just let this wicious old man, however, speak for himself, verbatim et

literatim.

the sentence to which be has taken an exception, he will recognise his own igno"If the contributer to Fun will only get some charity schoolboy to parse for him rance, and perhaps excuse us for surmising that he writes in the stupid style he has adopted because of is incapacity to use any other." Now, look here; I ain't a-going for to stand it! If the "Writer of the Article on the Luxembourg Question" will only get some charity schoolboy (standing him a drink) to spell for him the sentence which I have just quoted, he will recognise his own ignorance, and perhaps excuse me for surmising that when he spells "contributer" with a "e" instead of a "o," and "is" incapacity instead of "his" incapacity, he writes in the stupid style he has adopted because he don't know no better authorgraphy nor yet no better sintacks. There let him lay. I have advertised him gratis, and as he do not seem obliged to me I will not do so again. Never no more, ye E. K. A. A. S. S. A. F. G.

CHAPTER THE THIRD. THE DERBY OF 1867.

FROM the spirited delineation, Sir, given by your Artist, the public will see as I had not fallen into a Prophetic Trance, but was a-standing at my shop door, with all my wits about me, and a leary smile upon those lineaments which, although at present confined chiefly to the neighbourhood of the Oriental Repository (for fiscal reasons), were once familiar to Britannia's Hope and all the rest of the Aristocracy. It was on one of the few warm days with which we have been favoured. The Old Man's heart, Sir, was full. The manly conduct of his Relative had touched him a good deal. He had likewise been having a little rum-and-water with a sea-captain. At such a moment, Sir, it is not unlikely as the prophetic spirit may have stirred me to my inmost depths. As usual on such occasions, it took a metrical form. Awake, Prophetic Harp! In Sixty-five

You sent them Gladiateur, who's still alive;
In Sixty-six was NICHOLAS a dolt,

Sending Lord Lyon and the Bribery Colt?
Gents, get your money ready, fair and free,

While the Old Man proclaims One, Two, and Three!

So, you see, I begin it as cocky as possible-though between ourselves
I cannot hope to be successful every year.

First in the line of sight appears Vauban,
One of the boldest as has ever ran;
Yes, just as I have written long ago,
Look, the "Rake's Progress" has resulted so.
I've pledged myself to eat him should he win,
But didn't say when feeding would begin;
And it would prove, Sir, an unpleasant dinner
For to devour a real "dead" Derby winner!
If D'Estournel his temper keep, no horse
Can match him on the trying Epsom course.
Van Amburgh, too, will earn a lasting fame, or
Not be described as a Lord Lyon-tamer!
Say, say! is Hermit always in the dark?
Or will the Marksman never hit the mark?
Will mighty Julius struggle still in vain ?
Nor Plaudit come unto the front again?
Perpend these hints; their hidden meaning scan,
And, if ye win, send stamps to the Old Man;
The minimum it will be half-a-crown,

At the Oriental Repository, Horselaydown!

NICHOLAS.

P.S.-Do not forget, "The Oriental Repository," Horselaydown. All works on Knurr and Spell kept in stock. Soda-water sold. The East Kent Advertiser, and Sheerness, Sittingbourne, and Faversham Guardian lent to read-charge, seven-and-sixpence every quarter of an hour.

THE ANCHORITE.

SPEAK, anchorite! Why dost thou thus avoid All human converse in this grotto lonely? With life's enjoyments has thy soul been cloyed, Or disappointed only?

Why seek this solitude, this frugal fare,

Remote from human ties, and human features? Oh, self-involved, how is it thou dost dare To shun thy fellow-creatures?

Not in this cell, afar from all mankind,

Thy fitting residence-thy destined place is! Speak! Say, if banished from thy selfish mind All interest in thy race is!

Replied the anchorite, when thus addressed, "All interest in my race? Alas! poor sinner, Once in a race I took great interest

But didn't back the winner!"

Moral Reflection.

BEFORE the day is over how many a youth will discover that one of the edged tools with which it is not advisable to play for fear of cut fingers, is a high-mettled racer.

WHY should fish always be the last course of a dinner?-Because they are the finnish by nature.

A DERBY CHORUS.-"Rum tiddy doll!"

R

Iser

Lorelei Oak

K

Runnymede E

CORRECT SOLUTIONS OF ACROSTIC No. 9, RECEIVED 15TH MAY:Lazybones; Brick Court; Two Phettid Phoozles; Birkenhead; Georgie; Ruby; M. T. Aldershot; Pighead; A. D. H. T.; Fosco; Bumblepuppy; Deepthought; R. O. T. B.; Chosé and Mamie; Petlein; Sheernasty; Nanny's Pet; T. D. H. Ruby, Dublin, we cannot now ascertain.

A For-Lorne State of Affairs.

HAD the Trip to the Tropics of LORD LORNE been as widely read as it deserves to be, we feel assured that the public would not have so readily laughed at the Jamaica Committee and its stories of the atrocities perpetrated in the island. What will our readers say to such a combination of butchery and brewery as is shadowed forth in the following quotation ?

"My informant has seen little flogging on the estate on which he was engaged. When they flogged, however, it was laid on pretty tight; the lash, a long flaxen thong, being so vigorously applied, that blood was drawn freely. Six hundred and forty hogsheads were made on the estate."

We cannot quite reconcile his lordship's statement about the small amount of flogging with the idea of the six hundred and forty hogsheads of blood made on the estate. Either the Jamaica planter behaves very badly to his African, or LORD LORNE treats his English with ignorance, that fruitful source of barbarity.