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A LEGEND.
The Abbot went to the Baron's hall,

And the chapel there he prayed in;
And he learnt the return of that Baron

tall
Who had been the late crusade in.
“Oh, tell me, Sir Baron," the Abbot

cried, As he sat him down in a chair there, “ Since you have wandered by Jordan's

side, Now tell me, how did you fare there ?” And the Baron said (gluttony being his

vice), "It isn't a good place to dine in, But a plenty of spice and tit-bits nice

There's the soup of Palestine in.” “Oh! say,” cried the Abbot, “Do you

return Quite free from all teaching mystic, Or did you agree with COLENBO, or learn

Any conjuring cabalistic ?” “I haven't learnt much,” the Baron

replied, “But I've learnt one thing will tease And he said in a sort of a comic aside,

“I can call up a devil, an' please you!" The Abbot_looked puzzled—the Abbot

looked queerBut at last determined to risk it, So the Baron at once bade the devil

appear And it did-in the shape of a biscuit. The Abbot he didn't like cartaway seeds,

So speedily homewards was steering, And on reaching the convent he told his

beads, But his beads were hard of hearing.

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you!

MADE DISHES.
Party consulting carte :-“WHAT SHALL WE HAVE NEXT? I say, WIGGLETHORPE, WHAT
ARE YOU FOR ?”

Wigglethorpe (who has been partaking freely of escargots," and has only just learnt that they are snails) :-"OH, I DON'T CARE-AT LEAST, IF IT'S ALL THE SAME TO YOU PELLOWS-A BMALL GLASS OF B-B-BRANDY, JUST—JUST TO GIVE MB AN APPETITE.

MORAL :-Don't try experiments on dishes you are not acquainted with.

Jewellon dial, on the night of Sater Lever Watch and

rewarded. ing it to Mr.

Beales to the Rescue.

The Derby. Let the Conservatives and MR. Lowe be under no apprehensions as

On Wednesday, the 22nd of May, the fate of thousands (of pounds) to the swamping of the Constitution. Let them frankly admit that the

| was Hermit-ically sealed! Had the better-men been wiser men they Chancellor of the Exchequer has not betrayed them. He no doubt has would have known that the place a Hermit would take must be a cell, been reading the Glasgow Daily Herald, and has gleaned from its

and that he was sure to separate himself from the rest of the race. The advertising columns a fact, which fully justifies his throwing open the

example he set was contagious, for we observed many a wreck-loose on door to the Working Man. Here is the announcement :

the Downs afterwards. SLEEPING CUSTOMS.-Different nations have different habits, and, perhaps, the beds differ as notably as anything does. In France there are no feather beds.

A Handsome Reward. In Russia, on inquiring for the servants' bed-rooms and beds, you are politely informed they are in the habit of lying anywhere. In Eastern nations the bed is 1. We call the following suggestive advertisement from a Glasgow often nothing but a carpet. In Germany, the construction of the beds gives one the impression that the Germans do not know what it is to lie down. Iu Britain, and, perbape, more so in Scotland a few years ago, as a rule, a working man or a servant

01 Reward.-Lost.-The Person having taken charge of Silver Lever Watch and "about to marry" considered a feather bed one of the grand articles to be provided ;

DI Chain, No. 8089, “Marshall” on dial, on the night of Saturday, the 27th ult., among the higher classes now, feather beds are disappearing fast-no doubt the

by returning it to Mr. - Jeweller, — Street, Gorbals, will be handsomely working man will soon follow-pronounced as they are by medical authority to be unwholesome, and that a Good Hair Mattress is the best bed in use. There is a feel This is a plain intimation that the owner of the watch was, on the ing that Glasgow is second to no city in the world in guiding the public, and supply night preceding “Sawbboth," in such a state as to justify some ing them well with this luxury for sleeping upon. Intending purchasers are respectfully invited to inspect our stock or Bedding and Iron Bedsteads. Price Lists,

guardian of the night “ taking charge" of him as well as the watch. Estimates, &c., on application, etc.

There is something peculiarly canny in saying that the person will be The heading “Sleeping Customs,” is intended, of course, to indicate

“handsomely rewarded ”—with twenty shillings. the “ quieta non movere" principles of that somnolent party, the Tories, who will be delighted to hear that their bugbear, the working man, is

Very Queries. disappearing fast, like feather beds. When we think of them,

Mar a ship's “best bower" be regarded as her 'anker-chief ? that is, the working men, not the feather beds—a fleabite, to

Was MR. MECHI the party of whom the poet originally sanguse one of MR. DISRAELI'S favourite terms, is the only word to express the theoretical admission of millions of them to the franchise.

“He was famed for deeds o' farms ?" It is like giving the Dodo a vote. “Feather beds are disappearingthe working man will soon follow." You can, therefore, admit him

A Plain O'dress. wholesale to the franchise, for as he no longer exists to exercise it, it We should think this advertisement will be speedily answered :doesn't, in the least, mattress—we beg pardon, matter.

WANTED immediately, or at the Term, a Kitchenmaid. Must be a good cook and

able to wash and dress well.-Apply, 30, — Gardens. Ink-redible !

Of course, everybody likes a cook who washes; but, as a rule, We see widely advertised a new compound called “Perry's Essence servants, nowadays, are quite ready enough to dress well without any of Ink.” This portable form of ink, we presume, is rendered essential pressing. by the desire of every traveller to write a book about his Perry-grinations and foreign ex-Perry-ences.

From COVENT GARDEN.—An ever-Green. Paddy, dear boys.

VOL. V.

Town Talk.

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SPRING.

of the race will give emo of the prophets considerable trouble in

slipping out of their false positions. I did not set up for a prophet; WELCOMB, sweet Spring!

and all I said was that, frim what I heard, D'Estouinel would win, We will your praises sing,

if he could only be got to start. So my tip is all right, but how about Because, as nervous folks like poets know,

NICHOLAS ?
You teach the hawthorns-and east winds—to blow.

The Literary Fund Dinner came off the other day. What a pity it 'Tis you

is that the reporters are admitted, for the speeches are not likely to do We know it-who

credit to literature. The old principle of “ca' me, ca' thee" is Delight the happy meadows to bedew

rigorously carried out, and every second-rate versifier is “a great With sparkling show'rs-and make the grass so damp, poet," every ordinary novelist “a remarkable writer of fiction,' every Source of rheumatic agonies and cramp.

minor scribbler “an author" on such occasions. However, if this You bid the awakened fruit-trees to assume

mutual admiration were the only thing the society did, it might pass. Their garb of bloom

The most objectionable part of it is its ostentation of alms-giving, as if And yours—at least, so my experience teaches

it were a board of guardians appointed for the relief of literary paupers. Yours are the silvery frosts that deck the mead

The only patronage literature requires is that of the public. It does With rimes—which rural poets seldom need

not need à Royal Society for the Diffusion of Shillings. The Civil To nip the little nectarines and peaches.

List ought to be the only fund of the sort-a national institution, not a

congregation of charitable busy bodies. To be sure, the Civil List Say from what distant quarter do you bring

Pensions are administered in the most ridiculous and disgraceful way. Your cutting winds, sweet Spring!

Pensions are given to scribblers without proper inquiry, and when Is it from Catarrh-lonia's plains, or those

they are conferred on those who have fairly won them are doled out Of Mocha, where luxuriant Coughy grows,

with a miserly hand. Here's an instance :-GEORGE CRUICKSHANK, Far o'er the ocean?

who has delighted and taught us all since the beginning of the century, Or do you bring these pangs that make us dance

is tardily rewarded with-pinety-five pounds a year! The scandal From that Neur-Algiers that is held by France,

has been duly criticised in the Sun in an article which everyone should Or regions Caper-docian ?

read. Sweet Spring-excuse your poet for declaring

*? What is to be the end of “The Hall of Science and Art?"-I beg Un simple if not laudatory rhyme,

pardon, "The Royal Albert Hall,” I should say, though it sounds like That something ails the Horologe of Time

a transpontine music hall. I suppose it will go to swell the honour Its Springs so want repairing.

and glory of the South Kensington Settlement, or Cole-onia. Poor Science! Art has never quite recovered the “assistance" rendered by the Boilers, and Horticulture has only just weathered the “benefits of the Gardens, and now Science is to come in for this killing kindness. As MR. REDGRAVE fosters Art, and MR. COLE, with the kind assistance

of friends, dandles Horticulture, it is not impossible that the promotion BY THB SAUNTERER IN SOCIETY.

of Science may be handed over to PROFESSOR PEPPER, in which case

we may at all events expect to be amused at the Royal Albert Hall. RIGHT was the promise of

Upon my word, it is time the House of Commons were reformed, the dawn of the Derby. But socially as well as politically. There were or

socially as well as politically. There were one or two pretty little when day really broke, like a l squabbles in the lobby during the earlier debates, but they pale their great many other bankrupts, ineffectual fires before the latest disturbance. A couple of members he let in a good many who fall out in the lobby, and bad language is used by one or both; and had been silly enough to trust then they rush into the House, rip up the whole scandal with a happy him. A few years since the dispatch' worthy of Japanese civilization, and finally wind up the Picturesque Reporter was sigh- maiter by giving one another the lie in the papers. Really, Mr. ing for a wet Derby, as Alex- | SPEAKER, the lodger and the compound householder will hardly send ANDER wept for new worlds. you a more disorderly get of representatives to manage. He must have been in his 1" THE world, and not England alone will auf

| The world, and not England alone, will suffer a loss in the death element--or, rather, war of of CLARKSON STANFIBLD, the greatest of marine painters. Had he the elements--this year, for lived and worked in France there would be a cross and ribbon to there were both snow and hail. place on his coffin. In England he will carry to his grave nothing Nearly thirty years ago the but the regrets of a whole nation. Knighthoods and Baronetcies are snow had to be swept from the for Court Portrait-painters, or the secretaries of those advertising course for the great race; but shows, known as International Exhibitions. One would like to see picturesque reporting was not a national monument to such a man, only, as a rule, our monuments born then, so for once our friend are so bad. STANFIELD's pictures, after all, are his best monument, had an entirely new theme, | Why not raise a subscription to purchase all that are procurable, and and on the whole handled it I add a STANFIELD room to the new National Gallery-when we get it? well. The attendance was His death makes another vacancy among the R.A.'s it will be difficult naturally a little thinned by to find worthy successors for STANPIELD and PHILLIP. The Academy the weather, and there was no ) will hardly succeed in finding them-I'm afraid it won't even try. great excitement among the On Thursday last I went to the Crystal Palace to see the first firepublic about any particular work display of the season. The night was cold, but otherwise horse. The winner, indeed, | favourable for the show, as there was only just wind enough to drive was scarcely looked at, even away the smoke. I don't think any pyrotechnic display can beat the at the very moment when finalo, when the fountains are illuminated with coloured fires, and a

he was snatching the prize bouquet of thousands of rockets forms the background. I believe there from Marksman, for the cry had already risen that the latter was are to be many firework nights, and I should advise all my readers to the winner. That pleasant animal, D'Estournel, did not care about go and see the spectacle, for it is truly magnificent. the race, but seeing such a large concourse of people, thought it would be a fine opportunity for devouring one or two, and was with difficulty prevented from putting his design into execution. The Rake ran well for a time, but no one can be surprised that he fell off

Botanical Notes. after a short spurt, for his accident was very recent. So the race went

We cannot state as a certainty, but we believe that the mountain to a comparativo outsider, though he had been high in the betting at

| ash was imported from Vesuvius. one time, before he met with a similar accident to that of The Rake.

A correspondent informs us that the chances of a good crop of Of course, the joy of the bookmakers is crent. -- with which I don't black currants can be best ascertained by learning the time of the high sympathize; but everyone will be glad to hear that Mr. CHAPLIN, the

tide at London-bridge. owner of Hermit, had supported his horse gamely, and won con

The easiest way to train fruit trees is to dig them up, and send them siderably. If one report I have read be true, the jockey who steered

to the nearest railway station. But if you require full erops from Hermit to the post gets a bonus of eight thousand pounds for his two

them after this, we fear you will have to fall back on your fowls. minutes and fifty-two seconds, in which time Benson's chronograph registers the raco as run. If he had been a sensation novelist, he A MOTTO POR LORD GROSVENOR (LATE PROPRIETOR OF THE “Dar.") could not have made the money more rapidly or easily. The result | “Perdidi Diem."

SPORTING INTELLIGENCE. THE ORIENTAL REPOSITORY, HORSELAYDOWN (LIMITED). “ I will be Correspondent to command,

And do my spiriting gently."-SHAKESPEARE. Ariel: Tempest. (Dick's Shilling Edition is kept in stock at the Repository.)

A HISTORY OF CIVILIZATION.
Oh, NOODBLYWHANG, of Niddelywhing,

Was king of a naughty nation,
And if you'll listen, I'm going to sing

The tale of his civilization.
Both he and his people were black as sloes,

For the zone they lived in was torrid,
And their principal clothes were a ring through the nose

And a patch of red paint on the forehead. Their food consisted of fruits and fish

Their drink was the limpid rillet;
Their cookery knew but a single dish,

Which was barbecued enemy's fillet.
And ench man might take to him wives a score-

He had nothing to do but to catch 'em;
And whenever be found they were getting a bore

He could just take his club and despatch 'em.
They worshipped mere stocks and misshapen blocks-

But their principal idol was copper,
And history states that like fighting-cocks

The priests all lived—which was proper.
But into the bay there sailed one day

To the people's consternation,
The very first ship that had come that way-

A herald of civilization.
'Twas the good ship William and Jane, of Hull,

And was bound for the far Caparies; But the captain somehow had made a mull

On account of the wind's vagaries.
He stayed a fortnight at Niddelywhing

And accepted the people's caressings,
Then sailed, but vowed to come back and bring

Them civilization's blessings.
He returned to Britain, and there you'll guess

His discovery he related,
And at once was elected F.R.G.S.,

And a mighty sensation created.
But he shipped him trousers and crinolines,

A piano, a patent dairy,
Twenty hogsheads of rum, some mustard from Keen's,

And also a missionary.
And back he siled to Niddelywhing,

And reached it late in the autumn,
And he briefly explained to the chiefs and the king,

The various blessings he'd brought 'em.
And on shore he sent the Reverend gent,

The dairy, the rum, the piano,
And there on the coast he set up a post,
Which stated in Latin that thither he went
In (to make it plain) of KING GEORGE's reign

The vicesimo something anno.
Then the sailors made love to the monarch's wives,

Who in crinolines soon were adorning,
And all of the people drank rum for their lives,

And had headaches every morning.
They tried the mustard which proved too strong,

And then their amusements to vary,
They'd daily discourses some six hours long,

From that eloquent missionary.
For a month they went on with this sort of thing,

In that distant climate torrid,
Till NOOVELYWHANG, of Niddelywhing,

Felt existence was growing horrid.
And finding his subjects had also become,

Quite tired of this new vagary,
He seized one day on six puncheons of rum

And the reverend missionary.
From what we can gather 'twas his intent

To empty those purloined puncheons,
And he clearly meant that reverend gent

For breakfasts and dinners and luncheons. But before they began to cook their man,

They partook of their rum so freely,
That the national progress soon began

To be very unsteady and reely.
Then the captain Janded his galant crew,

And slaughtered the whole of the nation :
Which it seems was his view of what you should do

For the spread of civilization.

IMMENSE SUCCESS OF NICHOLAS, AND BRILLIANT TRIUMPH OF THE

OLD MAN! N.B.-MR. NICHOLAS is not in the habit of resorting to this method of advertisement, but is compelled to do so on the present occasion by a regard for the interests and feelings of his brother directors of the Repository, where periodicals may be ordered a fortnight in advance, and the East Kent Advertiser, and Sheerness, Sittingbourne, and Faversham Guardian lent to read.

MY DEAR YOUNG FRIEND, FELLOW-SPORTSMAN, AND BROTHERWINNER,—The heart of the Old Man is ful. Since that happy morning when you and me, Sir, talked it over in the back office, with nobody present but a large white cat and the fine old artist which have drawn my portrait-since we agreed that the tip should be Hermit, Marksman, and Vauban, the only gloomy feelings in the Prophet's bosom have been two-one that he had not the wealth of Creases for to back his selection, the other that perhaps we did not make it altogether quite so plain to the public as might have been desired. For that fault, bowever, if fault it were-I decline to hold myself responsible. It's your business, my young Friend, for to edit the paper and put things in proper order; and if, through not being much of a sportive characters-nor do I believe as you really know a racer from a radish- you mix up the horses' names which are sent you in accordance with your own crotchetty whims, or the suggestions of the printers, which have been a deal too free of late with the Prophet's copy-if you then mislead the fine old artist likewise, after he have drawn for you for the last fifty years, and get him to put Hermit second when I distinctly wrote, having the memorandum by me, and excuse haste of spelling-"you put the ermit fust, symbolifixing him by a old cove rather down upon his luck, and with none too much clothes for to wear"-if thus you act, the blame is not justly due to NICHOLAS.

Happily, however, for the interests of truth and justice, literary scriptures manent (Latin quotations kept in stock at the Repository, and a reference kindly allowed to CHARLES SCHRIFBER, Esq., M.P.), and my own poetic words will vindicate me with the public. I was fair, I was more than fair, to Vauban, and I take no shame for it. I said he was

“One of the boldest as has over ran;" and so he was, a good game horse. I then treated a few others with that happy mixture of good-humour and sarcasm which is now known throughout an empire on which the sun never sets as NICHOLASTIC; and having done so, I bust, so to speak-not as I mean your Prophet really flew asunder, with his head flying wildly into the air, like the cork of the soda-water bottle as hit COLONEL TAYLOR in the hi-and he keeps it in stock at the Repository—but I bust into this distinct and powerful prophecy :

“Say, say, is Hermit always in the dark,

And will the Marksman never hit the mark ?" Thrs BRACKETING TOGETHER THE ABSOLUTE FIRST AND SECOND !!! Whilst I added

" Perpend these bints; their hidden meaning scan,

And it ye win, send stamps to the Old Man !” And generously, Sir-nobly, lavishly-have Mh. CHAPLIN'acted up to such-if it be, indeed, to that honoured hand that the Prophet is indebted for a cheque-for a cheque which, after all, is outside the regular way of regular business, and, perhaps, accordingly, it had better not be made the subject of acrimoniacal discussion between you and me. It was sent to me, and it was meant for me; that's rhyme and it's reason, in sense and in season. You have no right to a sbare, and you shan't have one! You never offered to divide your Editorial salary along of the poor Old Man. Very well, then, don't you expect him for to divide his Prophetical commissions along of you.

As for my Relative, I have no particular cumplaint for to make against him just at present. I dare gay as he means well, and if he is far indeed from being a gentleman and a scholar, most of his friends going so far as to say he is a mean old hunks, why we cannot make a silk purse out of the ear of a female swine. He have recently been of great service to NICHOLAS, and so you see I stand up for him.

Me and some other gentlemen are a-turning of the Repository into a Company, which I daresay more will be heard of it.

NICHOLAS. P. S.-Do not forget the Oriental Repository (Limited), Horselaydown. The Old Man always at home, or may be found at the “Grapes," where the best of sherry wine. Lessons given in Knurr and Spell. Portraits of Nicholas, from a crown. Rats.

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Wisdom.
THE SONG'S ECHO.

BY A COMMONPLACE PHILOSOPHER.
Oh sing to me that ditty, oh sing it once again,

Some thoughts can never bear fruit in action. You cannot, for inThe tears you see upon my cheek are not the tears of pain, But those of glad emotion, for I cannot-cannot tell

stance, raise cucumbers in a frame of mind.

In spite of the assertions of human pride, the operations of science How I love such simple melodies as those of Claribel !

are limited. The electric telegraph, that triumph of science, cannot And now repeat the ballad you sang the other night

communicate ordinary intelligence to a fool. Believe me, I could listen for ever with delight.

Use is indeed second nature. The rattle of a thousand trains fails Oh, be the day far distant this bosom shall refuse

to awaken the confirmed railway-sleeper. To recognise the pathos and the power of Farnie's muse.

With some minds logic is utterly powerless. The delicate point of You ask me why I love them, these artless, touching lays ?

an argument will fail to pick a periwinkle out of its shell. They bring back hours of infancy-recall my childhood's days ! They remind me of the nonsense they used to sing to me

Appointment. As I lay, a little baby, on my tender nurse's knee.

MR. POPE HENNESSY, late M.P. for King's County, has been

offered the Governorship of Labuan and Consul-Generalship of Borneo, Hints for Youth.

with a salary of a thousand guineas. This may be regarded as HEN

NESSY-sary result of his devotion to the party. BEWARE of beginning your summer games too early. An attempt at croquet on a damp lawn may end in croaki-ness with a vengeance.

" Blush to find it Fame." A Card.

We cannot understand what MR. Quin, the Paris correspondent of “The railway excursion season being about to commence, MES&RS. the Laboratory, can be about. He writes—“MR. ALDERMAN Rosbexhibits TIMBERTOE AND Co. beg to call the attention of the public to their new colours, but we were, until now, unaware that his house manufactured and extensive stock of wooden legs and artificial limbs. N.B.-An

these articles.” Come, surely he onght to blush not to have met with attendant is in waiting on all excursion trains.”

| couleur de Rose statements beture this.

Art Mem.

Shutting up the Pike.

We have been requested to state that there is not the slightest We have, to oblige a correspondent who desires to shine as an artist, for

$t, foundation for the rumour that the Government have prohibited the consulted our dentist, and he is of opinion that for effectiveness there

circulation of MR. CHOLMONDELY PENNELL'S “Book of the Pike" in is nothing like stump-drawing.

Ireland. SAD EFFECT OF DRINKING CHEAP CUMPAGNE AT THE RACES.—Why Why is a franc fresh from the mint like grass just cut down ?-Beis Cupid like Blair Athol ?-Because he's a fashionable sigh-er. cause it's new monnaie (mown hay).

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Bull (to Derby):-“CONGRATULATE YOU, MY LORD! NEVER EXPECTED ANYTHING OUT OF YOUR STABLE TO PULL OFF THE “REFORM STAKES,” AND DIDN'T THINK THIS HORSE A SOUND ONE!”

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