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HE bravest names for

fire and flames, And all that mor

tal durst, Were GENERAL JOIN

and PRIVATE JAMES, f the Sixtyseventy-first.

Said GENERAL John, “Upon your claims

No need your breath to waste;
If this is a joke, FULL-PRIVATE JAMES,

It's a joke of doubtful taste. “But, being a private of doubtless worth,

If you feel certain quite That we were probably changed at birth,

I'll venture to say you're right.” So GENERAL JOHN as Private JAMES

Fell in, parade upon; And Private James, by change of names, Was MAJOR-GENERAL JOHN.



a soldier tried, A chief of warlike

dons ; A haughty stride and

a withering

pride Were MAJOR-Ge

NERAL John's.




A sneer would play

on his martial

phiz, Superior birth to

show; “ Pish!”

favourite word

of his, And he often said

“Ho! ho!" FULL-PRIVATE JAMES described might be

As a man of a mournful mind;
No characteristic trait had he

Of any distinctive kind.
From the ranks, one day, cried PRIVATE JAMES,

“Oh! MAJQR-GENERAL JOHN, I've doubts of our respective names,

My mournful mind upon. “A glimmering thought occurs to me, (It's source I can't

unearth) But I've a kind of a notion we

Were cruelly changed at birth.
“I've a strange idea that each other's names

We've each of us here got on.
Such things have been," said PRIVATE JAMES.

“They have!" sneered GENERAL John. “My GENERAL JOHN, I swear upon

My oath I think 'tis so "Pish!" proudly sneered his GENERAL JONN,

And he also said “Ho! ho!”

I too-berlieve ye, my boy! We are told by the papers that a woman residing at East Lolworth some time ago accidentally lost her wedding-ring, but the other day, while peeling a sort of double potato, discovered it in the middle of that vegetable. We confess we can hardly swallow the potato in question. Some conjuror must have had a finger in that ring ;-at any rate, it was no common-tatur that thus restored it.

From Heralds' College. The papers are parading the fact that her Majesty has conferred on SIR BENJAMIN GUINNESS the hereditary right to bear supporters in the family arms, "a distinction," so say our contemporaries ; " limited, except in special cases, to peers of the realm." We can see nothing wonderful in this—sovereigns, of course, take precedence of peers of the realm, but sovereigns are inferior in value to guinness :- besides, the community have long been the stout sup-porters of the great GUINNESSES.

News from the Gal-leys. It is stated that six female compositors, with blue ribbons in their hair, attract much attention in DUPONT's printing office, at the Paris Exhibition. We suspect they do less in the way of composing than of discomposing the visitors, who, we understand, do all the making up," though with what success we cannot say. Of course the admirers of these fair“ typos” cannot complain if the latter “cast them off," for that is simply in the way of business.


They won't Wash! The French laundresses have struck! Paris is terribly upset by this soap-sudden calamity. The friends of religious liberty even are startled by this declaration of the freedom of wash-up; but the prisoners in the various jails have heard with delight that the washerwomen are about to knock off their irons. Their expectations are, however, not warranted by the facts of the case, as the rebellious laundresses do not display any dangerous tendencies--no leanen' at all, in fact.

Pish, tush, pooh, bah! The latest announcement touching the Paris Exhibition is to the effect that it is to be visited shortly by the Persian potentate:-in short, it has been pooh-poohed so often that now it is to be Shah'd as well.


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Theatrical. Wuy ought hen-houses to be built upon Shakesperian principles ? - Because they ought to “have their egg-sits and their entrances.”


I saw it soar into the vault of night

Eclipsing all the splendour of the stars,
A roaring rushing serpentine of light-

A very comet, ruddier than Mars.
And then it burst and shed a shower of fire,

Golden and crimson, purple, green, and blue,
Which, slow descending, slowly did expiro.

When lo! another radiance upward flow!
Another rush! Another glittering trail !

Another rain of scintillating sparks !
And as their evanescent glories fail,

A third resplendence cleaves the upper dark.
And thus, I said, upon this busy earth,

First gleams, then glooms, the fate of noble deeds! A death illustrious-an illustrious birth

One date for both :-80 worth to worth succeeds.
Alas, the new blots out the older star,

Too soon the memory of greatness goes-
But when my meditations reached thus far,

A rocket stick descended on my nose.


Nottingham Lamb and Mint-sauce. We are enabled to state that a blue-book will shortly be placed in the hands of hon. members, containing valuable information, elicited by the Election Com. mittees, on the practice of bribery and intimidation at elections. It will be enriched with copious ex-planetory notes by the Man in the Moon.

Latest from the Laughing-Gas-ometer. WHEN “ Our Own Correspondent" in his lotters to the daily journals speaks in terms of disparagement of the French Exhibition—and he generally finds some point to cavil at-his statements should be received with the utmost reserve. It would be idle to expect an impartial report from a writer whose pen is dipped in Gaul.

Sabbatarian (to driver of Sunday cab) :—BUT IF YOU DON'T KEEP THE SABBATH,


Botanical Note. We believe that the shepherds of Scotland describe the dog-rose as a colley-flower.


description of a firework display rather disappointed us, although Two or three revivals have taken place during the past fortnight. cleverly rendered ; it should have been given musically. The glee of The Princess's has dished up Antony and Cleopatra with great care, we

Mother Hubbard was charming. are told; but we have seen Miss Glyn perform in this tragedy so many The performance in aid of the fund now being raised for the widow times that we must excuse ourselves for not having visited Oxford- and family of poor CHARLES BENNETT, was a success in every way ; street to see the play again. Of course, we will take the splendour of and deservedly so, whether on account of the object of the performance, the scenery and the talent of the acting for granted.

or the spirited manner in which the intentions of its promoters were We are happy to see Patter versus Clatter before the public again. carried out. Independently of the good cause in which the sympathies MR. CHARLES MATHEW8 has lost little (if any) of his old vivacity, and of the audience were enlisted, the performance possessed several features seems to dash through the laborious part of Captain Patter at a single of special interest, which were almost sufficient in themselves to justify breath. His delivery of the famous “ When a Man Travels”—which the high prices at which the seats were rated. Rumours of a charm. was written for the elder Mathews by JAMES SMITH, by the way—is as ingly operatized version of Box and Cox, written in Mr. BURNAND'S rapid and as distinct as ever, in spite of the confusing manner in which wildest vein, and set to some of Mr. SULLIVAN's most exquisite music, it is accompanied by the Olympic orchestra.

and which had been performed with the greatest éclat in private Ar the Adelphi, Henry Dunbar has been revived. Nothing shall circles, had reached the public ear, and the public ear began to feel no induce us to go and see it.

little curiosity to hear more about it. Beside this, the programme The inimitable John PARRY has given us a new musical sketch. He contained many names of gentlemen who are known to fame as dranow takes us to the country seat of the Roseleaf

couple, and brings matic authors, journalists, and artists, but whose personal appearance before us the details of a village merrymaking. The fine pianoforte is, to the general public, a matter of profound mystery, and at the playing of John PARRY fascinated as great a man as Felix MENDELS- same time, a matter of pleasant interest. Mr. BURNAND's version of BOHN; it fascinates us deeply, and we are not ashamed of confessing our- Box and Cox—which he calls, “ Cox and Box"—is capitally written, selves a little inferior to that well-known composer in point of musical and MR. SULLIVAN's music is charming throughout. The faults of the gonius. JOHN PARRY might have been amongst the most brilliant piece, as it stands, are twain. Firstly: MR. BURNAND should have pianists of the day if he had not been one of its most genial humourists. operatized the whole farce, condensing it, at the same time, into the His delicacy of touch is wonderful; THALBBRG himself scarcely plays smallest compass, consistent with an intelligible reading of the plot. ornaments with a higher finish. He has the mysteries of the staccato Mr. Morton's dialogue can only be properly given by Messrs. at his finger-ends, and contrives in some unfathomable way to perform BUCKSTONE and Compton, and in the mouths of any other actors it is, to & pianissimo passage without even putting his foot on the soft pedal. those who have seen Messrs. Buckstone and COMPTon in the parts His manner of mingling airs has made the fortune of a good many in- (and who has not ?) a bore. Secondly: Mr. SULLIVAN's music is, in different burlesques. In his last entertainment, MR. PARRY gives us many places, of too high a class for the grotesquely absurd plot to too little playing; but his sketches of character are most artistically which it is wedded. It is very funny, here and there, and grand or drawn, particularly the portrait of a commonplace conjuror. The graceful where it is not funny; but the grand and the graceful, ha



we think, too large a share of the honours to themselves. The music “With a tow-Tow-row-row, etc., the Belgian Volunteers.” was capitally sung by Messrs. DU MAURIER, QUINTIN, and Blunt. The Moray Minstrels followed with many (too many) glees and madrigals ; and MR. SHIRLEY Brooks spoke an address. The Sheep in SIR, -As a citizen of London, I feel positively indignant at the Wolf's Clothing followed, and the performance concluded with Les scanty programme sketched out for the entertainment of the Belgian Deux Avengles with Messrs. Harold Power, and Du Maurien in the volunteers. I trust, Sir, you will not permit the occasion to pass withtwo characters. The performance was in every way a complete success, out calling the attention of the Reception Committee to some of Engand the sum realized by it falls little short of five hundred pounds. land's brightest spots which appear to have escaped their memory.

No foreigner should be allowed to quit these shores without having DOUBLE ACROSTIC.

The Thames Tunnel,

The British Museum,
No. 12.

SAGELY, at the council-table meeting,

The Statue in Leicester-square,
Speak the ministers of mighty powers,

St. Pancras Workhouse,
Interchanging many a kindly greeting,

The house in which Cole, C.B., was born,
STANLEY welcomes to these realms of ours.

The Banks of the Thames at low water.
While within are dodges diplomatic,

If time admits, he should also travel say about 300 miles-in one of
Outside there is heard the ceaseless storm,

our third-class carriages. These are the things to inspire foreigners BEALES AND Co., the spouters democratic,

with wonder and awe.-Yours, &c., And the people calling for Reform.



Hang it all!
They started off upon the Derby Day,

DURING the late discussion on Capital Punishment, a critic ob-
And merrily they trotted on the way,

served that “the ancient mode of execution, namely the administering Missing a something that they used to pay.

of a cup of poison, was more easy and more speedy than our present

method." If he had consulted the classic authorities he would have 2.

found he was in error as to the ancient mode. SOCRATES, like MULLER, The fair enchantress wove her spell,

perished by “the fatal drop."
And o'er him magic glamour cast;
He fought against her toils right well,

A Cooler.
And was rewarded at the last.

During the late hot weather, a youth waited on the Wenham Lake 3.

Company, and requested to be accommodated with a place in an ice Ah! hapless country, will the time e'er come,

well. The manager, with characteristic promptitude, replied that When thy sons in thee find a real home ?

the youth must be a nice swell himself to expect such a thing.
No longer flying from thy fertile breast,
To soek muncertain fortune in the West.


POPKINS was at a party the other evening, where he shone with his

accustomed lustre. Overhearing his host asking a lady to favour the Bravely did he fight for long,

company with a few airs from the Africaine, POPKINS interposed immeBut the foe was stout and strong;

diately, objecting that “You can't get'airs from the Hafrican, because Sad his fate had been, I wis,

'is 'air is wool!"
Had he never called for this.

Juswers to Correspondents.
From out the water came an awful sound,
And, lo! the fragments scatter'd all around.

[We cannot return rejected MSS. or sketches unless they are accompanied 6.

by a stamped and directed envelope.] He turned a something in his cheek,

MOONSTRUCK.-Why allow yourself to be struck by a “loon "? You Before he could begin to speak,

don't hit it exactly, though.

W. R. S., Brompton.—Your copy could not well be W. R. S.
And then a wondrous tale he told,

G. W. c. Bow, writes" I en close you a thought.” Is not this an inter-
Of battles in the days of old.

ference with the freedom of thought ? We will ask the commissioners for the

Enclosing of Commons-but no! Thought is uncommon. Stay! we have ANSWER TO ACRO TIO No.-10.

it. What G. W.C. sends is no doubt his Bow ideal.

TOBY, Gloster, is fated not Toby immortalised in our columns.
в Hip


“Should you think the enclosed worthy of publication Y Yokohami A

you are at liberty to do so." Well! we rather think Mrs. Browx long

ago laid down the maxim that “ thoughts is free."
D Dear

H. R. A., who sends us some lines entitled “The Poet's Home," is evi-
E Elk

dently not at home in his subject.

E. T., Stockwell-park-road.--Already declined with thanks once. CORRECT SOLUTIONS OF ACROSTIC No. 10, RECEIVED MAY 22nd :-Vampyre; Elise and Guss ie; Tsatlee; Hamish; Emma, No. 1.; Jib-jobbey; Three Fools; Cythrawl;

PISCATOR.--Your drawing is de-fish-ent. Ruby; The Future Mrs. F. L.; M. T., Aldershot; Query; Constance; Dunoon;

QUALIFIED_But not accepted. Sobersides, Three B. 4.'s; Owdashus Cuss; J. R; Lechuza; Garry; Ferragus. P.L.-"Out of the frying pan into the fire" evidently does not mean into Shorncli ffo-consult TENNYSON's "Grandmother," and the difficulty will vanish. the poetic fire.

R. T. W.-Not worthy of notice.

BRAINLES6, Banbury.--Apparently a case of " time was when the brains A Misprint Possibly.

were out, the man would die"-rect his attention to comic writing. THE Laboratory announces that it is about to publish an elaborate

B. H. B.-A fatal accident does not seem to us a fit subject for a joke. paper “ On the Higher Homologues of Chinoline.” This is a puzzler.

J.J. O., Plympton.—Under consideration. If the last word be a misprint for “crinoline," we can at once see the the joke which, as you tell us, you have sent simultaneously to so many

F. M. Westgate-street, Ipswich. We trust you will find a market for meaning of “homologue"-a log or clog for the genus homo.

papers. It appears to us as far-fetched as it is widely disseminated.

E. R., York. We are always ready to examine what is submitted to us. Turn the ob's on Him!

H. P. W.-Stamps for subscription duly received-thanks. We hear that a trial of fire-engines will take place during the season

Declined with thanks-8 Ward, Christ's Hospital; H. P., Henrietta in the grounds of the Crystal Palace. It is expected that this will street; T. Bull; W. M. P., Carlow; E. C., Ipswich; D.P. Liverpool; attract a large company, as, although it may rain in torrents every- Islington; ü. M., Cloglyordan ; M. M., Canning-place; D. D., Manwhere el se, "“MERRYWETHER” may confidently be expected at the chester; Á. C. V.; c. H. H, Lee; C. J. P., St. John's Wood; G. D., Palace.

Nottingham; V. X. E.; S. G.; E.' A., Birkenhead; P. D. A.; G. P.;

G. H.; B. D., Kilburn; F. J., Waltham; A Poll-ish Off-'is-'air; Charles, A SMODTH BORE.—Young HOPEFUL's chin when his beard won't Newcastle-on-Tyne; Little in Much; Query; B. L. S., Wood-street; grow.

Cotton-ball; W. H.





Momus's Derby Prophecy.

Gardening Intelligence. MOMUS “presents his respekful comps." to the vast multitude of OUR youngest, aged six, has pronounced on the strength of the noble and appreciative sportsmen who were acute enough to see that profuse blossom of our British Queens, that it will be "an exstrawby his lines

berrily fine fruit season."
“ The palm, or whatsoe'er they term it,
He'll carry off-s0 I'll affirm it,”

The Weather. he intended to indicate “I'll have Hermit.” He begs to acknowledge The chilly weather which has succeeded the midsummer climate of the following trifles forwarded to him by the gratitude of winners :- a week ago, has done much damage. All the chestnuts in our garden three landed estates, the next presentation to an archbishopric; a mine are quite horse chestnuts in consequence. The cold has not been felt in Golconda*; a cellar of selected wines; six Reform bills; a bill for so severely in the north, where the hills are clothed with firs all the three postage-stamps at three months; twenty-four diamond snuff- year round. boxes ; seventy-five shares in various joint-stock companies (limited); and a perpetual free pass to MADAME TUSSAUD's.

Cause and Effect.

The London General Omnibus Company have recently raised their Natural History.

fares for certain distances, from 2d. to 3d., or 50 per cent. This, we Miss BATEMAN, who has recently married Dr. CROW, is about to presume, is in consequence of the reduction made in the Mileage Duty, return to England. We commend this fact to the editor of Land and by Mr. GLADSTONE's last Budget. Water : we had no idea that Crows were migratory.


The house of FIBLD-MARSHAL BENEDEK at Gratz in Styria was WHERE are the friends of the negro? What has become of the entered the other night by thieves, who carried off all his stars and Jamaica Committee ? Why does not LORD BROUGHAM interfere? We decorations. It is not often that rogues display such a love of order. are all of a quiver to think of it. Here is somebody positively advertising “ The Freeman, strongly bound, price —.” And they call this

A Rail Patriot. the Land of Liberty!

The cost of new railings, etc., for Hyde-park amounts to upwards of

ten thousand pounds. Surely, after that no one will say that MR. Cit upon Him!

WALPOLB has failed during his recent tenure of office to endear himself A COUNTRY friend, who has been on a visit to London, says it ought to his country. to be called the "great sooty" not the "great city.”

Astounding Fact. • Sent, open at both ends, per book post; but the authorities at St. Martia’s-le

· The gentleman who saw the gigantic gooseberry last autumn has grand have had the meanness to charge for it at the letter rate of postage.

just written to say he has met with a nutmeg-grater.

London: Printed by JUDD & GLASB, Phænis Works, St. Andrew's HII, Doetors' Commons, and Published (for the Proprietor) by W. ALDER, at 80, Fleet-street, E.C.

June 1, 1867,

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