OW the Government could be so short-sighted as to oppose MR. MILL'S motion for enfranchising women I cannot

understand. It would have

added thousands to the number of their supporters, for women are, as a body, Conservative to the death. If any one doubts it, I can only say I wish he had been at the Crystal Palace Flower Show the other day. It was very chilly, with a good persistent east wind and not a glimpse of sunshine, but there the dear creatures were, all in white-the thinnest of muslins and most cobweb-like of lace shawls-and more than that, I observed that they indulged in ices! The show was a remarkably good one, the roses in particular were very fine, and must have sent a pang to the heart of many a rose-grower, who has, as I have done, lost all his best plants. Pelargoniums and orchids showed in full force, and the display of geraniums with variegated leaves, à la MR. POLLOK, was charming. Some very delicatelycoloured kinds were sent by MESSRS. CARTER, and in my opinion, deserved more than they won, for the mottling of hues was thoroughly artistic. I was so delighted with them that I have since paid a visit to their nursery, which is not far from the Palace, and was well rewarded by the sight of some magnificent varieties-though rather startled on being told by the manager that half-a-dozen pots which he placed before me would not be parted with for a couple of hundred pounds! If I could not be the rider of a Derby winner, I should not mind being a raiser of variegated geraniums!

LORD DERBY is to be congratulated not only on possessing a leader in the Commons who can persuade his followers to eat their principles with a cheerful countenance, but also on having sufficient courage to turn a deaf ear to those of his supporters who wished to glorify the Fenian fiasco with a martyr. To have hung BURKE would have been to give this miserable plot a niche in history; and history is plentifully supplied already with instances of the ill effects of our misgovernment in Ireland, and does not require a blood-stamped page to emphasize the necessity for a better order of things. The Conservatives have. brought in a Reform Bill-after that they might surely inaugurate a better system of Government in the sister isle! But LORD DERBY must remember that "muzzling" is not a conciliatory measure. for BURKE, I am half-inclined to think a whipping at the cart's tail might be salutary.

As

A CASE in the police reports lately, might commend itself to MR. MILL'S attention. A MR. BoоTH gets into an omnibus in a state of intoxication, and while there insults an actress who is returning home with her sister after the close of her professional duties for the night. He is given in charge, and then, instead of making an apology, tries to compromise the plaintiff, and to induce her to withdraw from the charge. The line of defence MR. D'EYNCOURT very properly condemned, and the "gentleman" was sentenced to fourteen days' imprisonment. He has appealed to the HOME SECRETARY, with what result has not yet appeared; but as MR. WALPOLE has retired in favour of MR. HARDY, there is some hope that the office will not be made ridiculous, as it has been of late in the case of similar appeals. If, on investigation, the charge is established, I hope the SECRETARY OF STATE, who ought to have a power to punish as well as a power to pardon, will add to the sentence, for women who are professionally compelled to go about unprotected, to a great extent, ought to be defended against ruffianism. I know nothing too severe that can be done to correct a popular error, much indulged in by "persons who," as the police reports say, "are described as gentlemen"-namely, that the character of an actress is public property.

Or the magazines, only two have reached me at this present writing. The Cornhill contains an illustration, by MISS EDWARDS, to the new story, "The Bramleighs of Bishop's Folly." It is better drawn-and very much better engraved than the pictures to "The Claverings." MR. WALKER has a charming picture to " 'Beauty and the Beast." The initial is really exquisite-I should like to see it, painted as MR. WALKER could paint it, on the screens of the Old Water Colour Society. The literature seems a trifle less ponderous this month. London Society is very much better in the Art department this month. The little cut of "Interrupted" deserved a place among the illustrations on toned paper-it is exquisitely graceful, and has a rare touch of humour. Toned paper might have been awarded too to poor|

CHARLES BENNETT's clever "What's in the Papers ?" The literature is not startling, but there are some musical "verses of society" to MR. SECCOMBE's block that are much above the L. S. average.

Now the hunting season is over, the Nimrods must be in want of Occupation. I would suggest to them that they should try to run to earth the mild-dispositioned individual who advertises to farmers that he will guarantee lands against being hunted over-and that his invention can be used "either with or without danger to the lives of sportsmen." The charges are four guineas and two-I suppose four if you kill your sportsman, and two if you don't. I should fancy this offer to injure, or possibly kill, people amounted to an offence at law it might be worth the while of some ardent sportsman to try the matter.

A CURIOUS HISTORICAL PARALLEL.

JACK WYSINGTON was the messenger-lad

Of a mercantile house in the City,

Five shillings a week for wage he had

That he didn't get more was a pity!

But how he grew rich is an anecdote which

You shall hear if you list to my ditty.

His possessions with ease I could reckon them up,

But I'll name only one thing-and that's

A bandy-legged, stumpy-tailed terrier pup,

Such a regular turk for the cats,

That old maids used to greet, as he walked in the street,

His appearance with numberless "drats."

But on all things of JACK's fell a Government tax

His food, and his drink, and his raiment.

Oh, the people of Somerset House were not lax,

But e'en for the puppy to claim meant,

For they taxed him, poor man, at twelve shillings per ann.—
Of the which he avoided the payment.

But at length one Government sternly designed
The tax upon dogs to be strict with;

They avowed that whoever to pay it declined,
Heavy penalties they would afflict with.

Said he, "To show my sense, I'll purchase no licence—
That dodge I'm too old to be tricked with!"

Next day to the Bank he had money to take
For the mercantile house in the City.

So he shipped him on board of the "Scaly-nosed Snake,"
Which lay in the docks of St. Kitty.*

And him for to rate as the cabin-boy's mate
He prevailed on the owner's committee.+

They wrote him down as the cabin-boy's mate

In the good ship's papers and books:

And furthermore, I am bound to state,

That struck, with the animal's looks,
They entered the dog in the vessel's log
As a deputy-help of the cook's.

Now the captain was terribly prone to rum-
His habits were truly a scandal,

So when a hurricane happened to come
He his ship was unable to handle-

And so she was lost, on a coral-reef tost,

Off the coast of Coromandel.

And out of the "Scaly-nosed Snake's" whole crew
(They numbered in all a score),

The terrier and JACK were the only two
That managed to swim to shore :-

For JACK, I suppose, was not one of those
For whom there is drowning in store!‡

But when JACK and the terrier reached the land,
To the former's consternation,

He discovered the natives, a mighty band,
Drawn up like a deputation,

With prompt designs (so he judged by their signs)
To make of him cold collation.

But he speedily found that his guess was wrong,
For they showed him the greatest civility,
And wriggled and writhed as they led him along
With a superabundant agility

To explain they would bring him at once to the king
To the best of their poor ability.

But when he arrived at his Majesty's court,

Where were seated the King and Prime-Minister,

He found them by no means addicted to sport,
But to wearing a countenance sinister;

For they both kept on keeping incessantly weeping-
Quite strangers their cheeks to a grinny stir!

The Minister greeted our friend with a tear,
And the King with a groan of “Alack!"
But" Shiver my topsail lee-scuppers, what cheer?
Look lively, my hearties!" cried Jack;
"Please your Majesty, don't get piping your eye
And he lent him a slap on the back!

* Supposed to be St. Katharine's Docks.

+ A legal term, implying the captain to whom the ship was entrusted.

A delicate allusion to the proverb, "Those who are born to be hanged will never be drowned."

Thereat the Prime-Minister gravely arose,

Looking fierce and forbidding as PHOCION,
Then sadly and solemnly blew he his nose,
With a view to conceal his emotion.

Said he, "If you'd know the cause of our woe,
I'll endeavour to give you a notion.

"And first, let me state, for your full information,
When our great-great-great grandsires were brats,
That from sunrise to sundown the whole of the nation
Was sorely infested with rats.

But at last of mus rattus a riddance we gat us—
And then our affliction was cats!

"One, WHITTINGTON, he was the man who brought
To our rat-eaten country a kitten.
When it cleared off our pest, how little we thought
With a new kind of plague we were smitten;
For about his good hap this imprudent young chap
To his friends and relations had written:

"And, lo! thenceforth every merchantman here
Brought a shipload of cats for a cargo;
Till, our cat-ridden nation beginning to fear
Such importing would rather too far go,
On ships that would deal-in commodities feline
His Majesty laid an embargo.

"But alas! the precaution was only a mockery!
For the cats now o'er all hold the sway-

They shatter our windows and throw down the crockery,
And carry our victuals away,

They kill our canaries, and clear out our dairies-
They keep us awake with their nightly vagaries-

And the cold loins of lamb they purloin from our 'aireys'

In fact there's the devil to pay!"

JACK winked his eye with a cheery smile

And, "Old fellow," he chuckled, "if that's

The only cause of your sadness, I'll

Effect a clean sweep of the cats!

This bandy-legged terrier will soon make you merrier,

If he doesn't-I'll eat up your hats ?"'*

So his bandy-legged, stumpy-tailed terrier-cur,
Those cats he incited to worry.

There was spitting and scratching and flying of fur,
With a great caterwauling and scurry-

But the end of the fray was-the dog had the day,
For the cats had decamped in a hurry!

Then JACK he was loaded with silver and gold,
Pearls, emeralds, sapphires, and rubies-

Of the sum of his millions of millions, I'm told,
Twenty-seven exactly the cube is,

But he breathed in no ear how he'd won them for fear
Of the weak imitation of boobies.

MORAL.

He returned, it is said, to the City and there
Took a house, but, afraid of disgraces,

When he learnt 'twas intended to make him Lord May'r,
Disappeared from it, leaving no traces;
But, by latest advices, retails penny ices,
And was seen t'other day at the Races.

The Latest Fashion.

Ir is difficult to say what limit may be placed to feminine caprice and vanity. The false ears of india rubber, of which we lately heard, seemed to go far enough, but they are completely outstripped by a new whim which is incidentally mentioned in the Standard's account of the Oaks Day. It seems that the sex which has recently plagiarised a great deal of man's attire-his boating-hat, his yachting-jacket, and his stick-up collar-has now made another inroad upon the province of the male. What says our contemporary ?

"Take it all in all, the road, though less crowded than usual, was gay and lively and from the south side of Tooting, the dust was sufficiently great to whiten the whiskers and add to the powder on feminine cheeks.":

We do not know, after all, whether wearing whiskers is a worse offence in a woman than wearing powder. Perhaps the former fashion is merely an offshoot of the latter, devised in the hope that the combination of powder and whisker might give a miller-tary air to the

wearer.

• A safe undertaking, since the inhabitants of Coromandel do not wear hats, in the ordinary acceptation of the term.

THE PRESENT MR. BURKE.

(BY KIND PERMISSION OF THE LATE MR. MOORE.) When he who adores thee has left but the name Of his crime and his folly behind,

Oh, say, cans't thou think, without feelings of shame, On the convict at Portland confined?

For, though juries convict and though judges condemn, Yet reprieved I was certain to be;

And the worst of my punishment happens-ahem!-
To be thus picking oakum for thee!

With thee were the dreams of my earliest youth,
Every thought of high treason was thine,
And the Irish Republican notion, forsooth,
Seemed something remarkably fine.

My blood and my life it seemed easy to give;
And a martyr 'tis glorious to be;

But I didn't quite reckon on having to live,
And be kept picking oakum for thee!

Striking 'Ile.

It is a mistaken idea that the Falls of Niagara present the grandest coup d'eil which America contains. In this respect they are far surpassed by the oil wells of Philadelphia.

Historical.

WHY was GESSLER rather hardly treated by the Swiss ?-Because they rebelled against him when he (only wished to bag a TELL (a bagatelle.

A PART SONG.-"Good-bye, sweetheart, good-bye!"

A Personal Explanation.

D'ESTOURNEL has the honour to present his affectuous and respectuous compliments to the Editor of FUN.

D'Estournel has reason to believe that his conduct has been generally misconstrued, and that he (D'E.) is, at the present moment, far from popular.

D'Estournel, in self-defence, would beg the British public to reflect that he is a horse, but that he is not necessarily an instrument of gambling.

D'Estournel has no hesitation in saying that he could have won the Derby with the greatest ease; but D'Estournel would thereby have lost the opportunity of making a grand moral protest against the rascality of the Turf.

D'Estournel, by delaying the start for about a quarter of an hour, did all he could to frustrate the calculations of professional gamblers.

It has been stated that D'Estournel lost his temper, and displayed a disposition to attack the general public.

D'Estournel begs to give this report the most emphatic contradiction.

D'Estournel was in an excellent temper all the morning. He felt to think that the blackguards in question would have a hot time quite certain that the book-makers would lose, and he was delighted of it.

When D'Estournel (refusing to be made an instrument of gambling) took a line of his own, it was his fond ambition and his present hope to bite off the ugly nose of a notorious commission-agent. D'Estournel failed; but he thought he should have received at least the sympathy of the public.

In future, D'Estournel advises the public not to get near him. Accept, M. le Rédacteur, the assurance of my profound consideration. D'ESTOURNEL.