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IRELAND'S OPPORTUNITY. Erin (to Mercy) :-“SURE IT'S MIGHTY KIND OF MY SISTER ENGLAND—BUT I HOPE IT'S NOT ALL SHE'S GOING TO DO FOR ME!”
[And perhaps if England would do her Justice, we should hear no more of disaffection.
VOLUNTEERING ADVICE. Fun (to Sir John P*k*ngt*n) :-"COME, SIR, THE VOLUNTEERS WERE NOT INTENDED AS TOYS FOR POLITICAL PARTIES. HADN'T YOU BETTER TEAR UP THAT CIRCULAR OF YOURS ?”
CLINCH.— I came out here to take up Darcus for attempting to hocus ACT I. SCENE 1.- Mrs. Murray Seymour's Fête Champêtre on the a horse. I'm not quite clear about the law on the subject, and it cerThames. Enter CAPTAIN MOWBRAY DARCUS.
tainly don't seem quite worth while—but (nerving himself) this is weakCAPT. DARCU8.—I am a Polished Scoundrel, and I get my living by
Enter MADELINE. betting against Derby favourites and then hocussing them. When passing under the name of Goodge I tried it on with Flying Scud, but
MADELINE. I came out here with Mr. Seymour, my, supposed
father. failed. Here comes my minion, Duck-fingered Joe.
Re-Enter All the Characters.
ALL THE CHARACTERS (to each other).--YOU here !!!
DARCUS. Tableau.) apart.) Darcus.—No matter. Have you hocussed the next Derby favourite ?
ACT III.-At the Diggings. Enter CLINCH. JOB.—I have ! [Points with both his forefingers.
CLINCH.Darcus is somewhere in the bush, and so am I. So he can't DARCU 8.—Then go into that summer-house.
be very far off. (Exit DUCK-FINGERED JOE into summer-house, holding cigar between
Enter SAM. first and second fingers.)
SAM.— I will dig a hole (does so—finds a gold mine). Ha! a gold Enter Hon. SAM STRANGEWAYS, and Miskin, his groom, in a page's hat. mine! This is indeed lucky. SAM.—Darcus, I am your accomplice.
Enter SOMEBODY, frightened.
SOMEBODY.-Save me! DARCUS.—You are, Honourable Šam. The horse is hocussed.
SAM.--I will! SAM.-It has just occurred to me that it is hardly fair to hocus a horse against which you have laid heavy odds.
Enter some diggers. DARCUS (curling all over with sneers).-Milk-faced gyurl
DIGGER8.-Give him up!
All. Then away to Dead Man's Gully!
SCBNB THE LAST.—Dead Man's Gully. SAM. This shall to the executive.
Enter All the Characters. Enter GENERAL MONTHERMER and CLINCH, a detective.
ALL THE CHARACTERS (to each other).—YOU here !!! SAM.—General, your horse has been hocussed, and the villains are
CLINCH.—The moment has at length arrived! (to DARCUS) Villain, concealed in that summer-house.
you are my prey! Gen.-Ha! Have at them?
[Pitches him into a waterfall [Is about to rush into summer-house. CLINCH (Detective).-Hush. Not so. What would you do? (Everybody discharges pistols. General engagement. Defeat of both sides. Gen.-I would give the villains into custody !
and concluding tableau suggestive of the TRIUMPH OF PHYSICAL, CLINCH.-Ha! ha! No, no, sir-that's not the way to do it. I'll
SUPERIORITY. Curtain. show you how to catch 'em. Away, away with me, two or three OURSELVES.-Disconnected nonsense, made up of Never Too Late to counties off!
A[end, Flying Scud, and the tossing halfpenny from Box and Cox. Very (They away together and of course CAPTAIN DARCUs escapes from the well played by Mn. Emery, but he should remember that he is ducksummer-house immediately.)
fingered ; nicely by Mr. E. PRICE, pleasantly by Miss E. TERRYDARCUS.—Discovered! But I have a skiff handy, on the Thames, poor Miss Saunders, the cleverest lady-low-comedian on the stage, has and I will now to Canvas Town, with a distant view of Melbourne. nothing to do. Piece very handsomely mounted, and scenery all good.
[Gets into skif'and rows to Australia. Enter MR. SEYMOUR and the GENERAL. Seymour. My name is really C. Moore. I was a convict once, but
Iron-ical. made a pot of money in Australia.
A FRIEND of ours has been reading the prospectus which was Gen. - I have just been appointed to an important post in Canvas wrapped round his bottle of Diastatized Iron. In it he has found it Town, with a distant view of Melbourne, and must start at once. stated that the preparation in question is produced by making a certain
[Exit to Canvas Town. vegetable seed absorb a solution of iron prepared in such a manner that Enter DUCK-FINGERED JOE from summer-house.
the iron is made organic-become vitalized by the diastasis of the JOE.---Now to escape to Canvas Town. [Interlaces his fingers. germinating grain. Struck by the novelty and simplicity of the Seymour.-Ha, I perceive that you are duck-fingered. (Mournfully) operation, he has sown some of the preparation in his garden and is I had a son who was duck fingered !
looking forward to a crop of nails or a growth of fire-irons. Joe.- Then I am he.
[They embrace. Enter Mrs. SEYMOUR and MADELINE, and guests.
Put that in your Pipe ! Seymour.—Behold our son! By the way, I forgot to mention that I have just lost my colossal fortune, so there is nothing for it but to go poisonous flies in Transylvania, and stated that the farmers have to
The Advertiser the other day gave an account of the appearance of back to Canvas Town, with a distant view of Melbourne, and make | keep their beasts shut up, with large fires burning round their sheds to another.
Mus. Seymour.-Away to Canvas Town, with a distant view of keep off the winged pests. It added :-“The men in charge of the fires Melbourne.
have the greatest difficulty in saving themselves from the venemous MADELINE.—To Canvas Town with a distant view of Melbourne, will Dean Close say to that? Perhaps the discovery may convert
attacks of these insects, and find tobacco the best preservative." What away!
him. We should like to see " a wreath "-of smoke—“ so gracefully (Guests cheer, and imply, in pantomime, that they are prepared to accom
curl" around his head--and no flies !
In these days of realistic dramas, we think it would not be a bad Town with a distant view of Melbourne.
“sensation” for the proprietor of the Holborn Theatre to arrange the Enter MISKIN.
performance of the Antipodes so that the actors should walk about Miskin. I have left the Hon. Sam's service and have engaged inhabitants of the Antipodes are doing so at this very moment, as we
head-downwards, à la Olmar. There can be no difficulty, as the with the General. That's how I'm here.
[Exit MISKIN. Enter CAPTAIN DARCUS.
should see if we could look through the globe beneath us. There DARCUS.--I came out here to get out of the way of Clinch.
would be nothing in this that the audience could object to, since they [Exit DARCUS.
do not know, owing to the confused construction of the piece, whether Enter MR. SEYMOUR.
they are standing on their heads or their heels. We gladly place the SEYMOUR.-I came out here to make more money.
suggestion at the disposal of Mr. Tom Taylor, who, it is notorious, is
[Exit Mr. Seymour. always ready to take a hint-or anything else he can get-from any Enter DUCK-FINGERED JOE. (Pointing with forefingers.).
one (foreigners not excepted) for his "original" dramas. JOE.—I came out here with my new-found father. [Éxit JOE. Enter Hon. SAM STRANGEWAYS.
VERY APPROPRIATELY.-If Greece and Rome are represented at the Hox. SAM.-I came out here because I lost money on the last French Exhibition, might not their productions be appropriately Derby.
[Exit Sam SrrangEWAYS. ranged in "class six"?