MILK IN

MANCHESTER.

WHEN the children you've been kissing,
And the urn is softly hissing,
And no breakfast-dainty missing,

You have trifled with the ham;
Found the Strasburg páté pleasant,
In the season tried cold pheasant,
And the tongue that's ever present,

Flanked by crystal pots of jam.
Then your wife with freshest cheek, a
Dress adorning her called piqué,
With all deference I speak, a

Charming morning nymph is she;
Sits serenely at the table,

And frowns down the children's babel,
And with dainty hands and able,

Makes your coffee or your tea.

When she pours hot milk before you,

To your coffee, comes there o'er you

A suspicion that would floor you,

Were your nerves not strong and stout; That a foul adulteration,

Of the product of lactation,
Has made such abomination,

Of the fluid she deals out?

There is water, salt, annatto,
Can your children e'er get fat, O,
Wives of Manchester on that, O,

Sagest judge the man to fine!
Who, devoid of upright feeling,
Had such dirty ways of dealing,
'Twas the one way of appealing
To his conscience, 1 opine.

HENLEY

FIDDLE-DE-DEE.

FROM OUR STALL.

MR. TOM TAYLOR's Antipodes; or, the Ups and Downs of Life is a piece of patchwork: the first act, which is placed in England, reminds us vividly of Flying Scud, and the remainder of the drama, which is placed in Australia, reminds us more vividly still of It is Never Too Late to Mend. Nearly all the characters are unpleasant people; not even the hero and heroine can excite much interest as to what becomes of them, and the other folks might be swept off the stage by artillery for all that the audience cares. The play is much too long-a fault which is not atoned for by the character of its dialogue. Here and there, to be sure, the author gives us a good thing, but the talking is generally unrelieved, and consequently tiresome. Everybody meets everybody else at Melbourne in a wildly improbable manner; and a nest of nuggets is discovered by about three strokes of the pick-axe in a way that rather excites our incredulity. The piece was well played, particularly by MRS. WATTS (née MISS E. TERRY) and MR. E. PRICE, who are new to the patrons of the Holborn; the lady is ladylike and the gentleman gentlemanly. MR. EMERY acted with considerable vigour, but fell short in the matter of pathos. The part of Clinch, a detective, was quietly and effectively rendered by MR. R. THORNE. Some admirable scenery has been painted for the drama by MESSRS. TELBIN and HALL; the views of Canvas Town and Dead Man's Gully are very striking. The piece must be cut a good deal before it can be listened to with patience: its reception on the first night was decidedly of a mixed kind.

Answers to Correspondents.

[We cannot return rejected MSS. or sketches unless they are accompanied by a stamped and directed envelope.] FISHY.-We have read your lines "1 would I were a fish" very carefully and, if you think, as you say "Without a thought,

There's nought so sweet as this," you ought to be happy-for no thought detracts from the sweetness of your versification. You can't play your fish in verse-try music, the scales would assist you. lacking in point and pungency as well as in kindliness and heart. THE author of "a cruel and heartless epigram" is informed that it is "LETTERS FROM HIGHLAND LATITUDES."-The breadth of the humour is not equal to the longitude of the copy.

J. B., London.-We cannot see that the hot weather is any excuse (though you plead it) for the contemptible nonsense you send-the weather may be hot-we want no rubbish (e) hot here.

W. B. sends us some "jokes" which he labels "Believe unanticipated." Well, we have had some experience, but we never anticipated such nonsense as this.

G. W., Nottingham.-Our opinion does not coincide with yours. C. C. R.,-Your ode to a "hashed dace" isn't even dace-ntly passable. "A CANNY SCOT."-Try a canna Scot."

Declined with thanks,-"An Incident in the City;" An Indignant Parson; S. B.; W. Phlor; W. S. B., Old Square; R. S., Tottenham; A. B., Derby; N. B.; X. X. X.; H. E. V. D.; Philopægmor; Julia; M. R.; J. H. G., Charles-street; A Contributor (signature illegible), 39, Morton-road; V. J. D.; Diego; Fitz-Ivan; F. E. T., Eastcheap; Gmos; Birmingham; W. J. H.; C. F., Bolton; C. P. D., East Moalsey; A Rural Miss J., Rugby-road, Leamington; J. H. S., Commercial-road; J. B., Volunteer; G. E. Y., City-road; J. F. M.; Hold Tight, Hackney-road; E. A. J.; Etak; J. M. G., Glasgow; W. G. C, Poplar; W. B. S.; J. V., Castle-street, Dublin; C. C., King's College; Ap Ivan.

THE PARIS EXHIBITION.

OUTSIDE OF THE ENGLISH RESTORATION,
PARIS, FRANCE.

DEAR 'LIZA,-Excuse this bein' wrote in pencil, but blest if I haven't gone an' lost Beв. Not as he's defunk, but there ain't no getting of him away from this place which is emigrated from Ludgate-hill, and sells pale ale and of all the gals well, there the least said's the soonest mended, as the City solicitor used to say when father wanted compensation for the glass that was broke at a Committee in the Guildhall arter a shampaign lunch. The fact is that it was that TUNEY'S corfy as did it, as I should say had opium or somethink in it, for BOB was that reg'lar mad as what do you think he done? There's a creetur here as is 'dizened out like a pet of the ballot at the Grecian, as calls herself the French for flower-gal, an' sells nosegays for five francs apiece, leastways that was what she charged Boв for a rose as I'd have bought many a time in Bartholomew-lane for threepence, but bless you he give in to her like nothink, as was got up with what they call here a coughewer, as means a lady's own head of hair, and things that short as showed her Hessian boots, torsals an' all, like the gentleman as used to go about in a pigtail in Fenchurch-street when the Queen of Spain's soldier used to sweep the crossin' at the corner. Boв was always a soft one, but little did I think to see him so took in as not to recognize her as the lady as come out in a style à l'Emperortrees after office hours, which she exchanges her dress reg'lar, and comes out a swell just like the crossin' sweeper aforesaid which dressed in a suit of black an' a gold chain o' Sundays. Worse than that, just as Boв ought to have stuck up for old England he goes and gives eleven francs for a bloom, for who should come along but a couple of distinguished parties as their names is in the Prayer Book every Sunday, a-follerin' a broad, bumptious gentleman as looked a beadle in private costume every inch on him; as I afterwards heard it was MR. COLE, C.B., which if it don't mean Considerable Bumptious, it ought to, that's all. I never did see nothing like the walk of that party, out of the dancin' academy as we used to go to in Bloomfield-street, Finsbury, not off the stage. He seemed to be swelled to twice his nateral size, and was a reg'lar King of the 'ole place, while the P. or W. and the D. or E. they walked behind him as though they was two of the three fiddlers in waitin', an' the johndamms and the confounded foreigners and the English looked as though he was the British Constitution bound in cloth, an' a good deal of cloth

he takes I should say, as SAMUEL BROTHERS Wouldn't get much to make his clothes by contract, except he was a advertisin' medium. Well, when he'd gone by I missed BоB, and after goin' all round the buildin' which the outside ring (it's like one o' them Chinese carved balls, the Expose-ition is) is devoted to the feed of all nations, I sees some English spellin' on one of the places, and there was a crowd a-pressing round a bar, and BoB a-goin' on that shameful as I was reg'lar took aback, with a heap o' Frenchmen a-listening to his goings on and him larfin' and talkin' to a barmaid, with a tankard o' bitter as I drunk myself to save appearances. It is now Saturday night, and BoB's been at the English bar which is emigrated from Ludgate station ever since Thursday, a-sleepin' on two chairs as he's concessioned for twelve francs a day, and says it's too hot to go home to the street of the little stables. The johndamms is a-tryin' to wake him up constant, but he shied his boots at one of em' and swore as nothink should separate him from Britannia the pride of the ocean, which he means the young person as I hear is the toast of the place under the name of well, I ain't a-goin' to write her name, but I've heard her called FREDERIKA, as Boв will act like DON QUICKSETT and has christened her FREKILLINA, though that may be a sort of pronunciation brought about by refreshments. I ain't seen no more than the outside of the Exhibition as yet, but if BOB ain't more amiable to reason to-morrow I shall hire a Bath chair and have him carted away to the pianoforte department amongst the musical instruments, for the Bath chairmen don't go nowhere else, and there's no refreshments to be got in that department.-Yours, SAM TROTTLE.

Putting a Different Complexion on it.

A NEGRO, living in Lee County, Georgia, has killed his daughter, aged eighteen, for walking out with a young black man of the neighbourhood. His defence is that as she was only eighteen she had no right to be a-lovin', and that the arguments for the union of the young people were utterly illogical, since two blacks cannot become one wight. This is the line of defence-the line of the prosecution will probably be a hempen one with a halter at one end of it.

Rights of Common.

THE only fee'd that is allowed on Doctors' Commons, must, we presume, be a duly qualified practitioner.

A MODERN PYGMALION.

WHEN I have closed my door,

Selfish old bachelor,

Fast for the night,

I am alone, and yet

Somehow I can't forget
Someone's in sight.

Up to the mantel-piece,
Spotted with candle-grease,
I've but to walk,

Then I am safe to find,

In a sweet frame of mind,
Someone to talk.

Say I'm put out or vexed,

Wet through or sore perplexed, '
Worried to death.

From what the glass conceals,
Something like comfort steals
Eyelids beneath.

Maybe I've been in luck,

Fired with good wine or pluck,
Pleased with myself.

Still all alone the while

Somebody seems to smile

There, on the shelf.

I can but think upon

One called Pygmalion,

Who, as they say,

Made for himself a wife

Whom Venus breathed to life

Out of some clay!

Not near so clever, I

Trust to photography,
Still all the same.

I am contented when

Friendship comes now and then
Out of a frame.

A GOLDEN LETTER.-El Dorado.

INDIAH AVDBER

EARS

LARCE

SORTMENT

OUR LIBRARY TABLE. WE HAVE & heap of books lying before us which wait notice, and must have it too ere the magazines come. First comes "May Day and other Poems," by EMERSON, published by MESSRS. ROUTLEDGEa book we need not recommend, for all EMERSON writes is worth reading. Next, MESSES. CHAPMAN AND HALL'S "CHARLES DICKENS" edition of Pickwick-another book that needs no recommendation, save cheapness, the only thing wanted hitherto to make the book universal. Then Lilliput Levee (STRAHAN). That's a book we could linger over, and wander back to childhood:-the book of a man of genius who is at home with the children as only a man of genius-or a fool-can be::-a delightful book, full of poetry which will touch young and old alike. After this comes a series of "People of Paris," by F. BARNARD, published by MESSRS. BARNARD, of Oxford-street. The pencil of MR. BARNARD is familiar to the readers of FUN, and when we say it has seldom done better work, they will see how much that means. MESSRS. JOHNSON's latest edition of their "Guide to the Paris Exhibition" has also reached us. It is carefully revised and completed to latest date, but the chief point noticeable about it is that MESSES. J. announce in it that they shall be compelled to proceed at law against certain of the Boilers clique. Is it not charming that the Commissioner for England should so disgrace us by pettifogging that he is to be called to account by the very people whose interest he was supposed to guard! Oh, Fine Arts, what jobbery is perpetrated in your name

ONCE more we are at variance with our esteemed friend the Pall Mall a mere difference of opinion this time. The P. M. has been reviewing Miss INGELOW's latest poem, and notes "a bad rhyme" and a very bad one, viz., "abroad" and "board," which we should not call a rhyme at all, but then we don't write for the P. M. The critic says he mentions this lest others should get cheap fun out of it :-we can't see a subject for fun in it, but a reason to regret that a lady, who can write as MISS INGELOW does, is so lamentably deficient in ear as to let such "rhyme" pass. But that's not our point at present. Our quarrel with the critic is that he says he cannot scan Miss INGELOW's line :Fortunate countr.es of the fire-fly,

Now TENNYSON ought to be ashamed of himself, in our humble opinion, for cutting out the mute "e" in verbs like "tire" or "aspire," though he may (to help the unrhythmical ear) do so with "minister'd" where the verb has no final "e" mute. This is en parenthèse-to return to the question: if, as the P. M. G. critic suggests, "tired" is to be pronounced "tierd," why should not "fire" be pronounced "fier?" The fact is that the P. M. G. talks nonsense. There's "nothing gained" by saying "tierd" any more than by saying "fier-fly," but the critic had not the courage to say that the Laureate had-not for the first timedescended to a cockneyism, but that that is no reason why minor poets should follow him. Genius may overleap rules, but mere talent must abide by them, and this maxim as regards poets and versifiers is as the laws of the Medes and Persians.

Six to Four.

THE Factory Acts must be considered as only Unsatis-factory Acts if such an advertisement as the following is permitted by law:WANTED to ENGAGE a small, active BOY, four to six years of age.—Apply to WA H. E. D, 15, street, E.C.

are born if this sort of thing is allowed. Fancy a lawyer advertising We shall have speculative tradesmen engaging workmen before they for an articled clerk "aged six months, who has cut his eye-teeth," or telegraphic companies demanding children of two "who can run alone the present dearth of recruits will begin to enlist children in arms.

-on errands." No doubt the Horse Guards will take the hint and in

Post-ob(it)vious.

AN ambitious father is anxious to know if his son, by his having succeeded to the command of a mail steamer, is entitled to the rank of a post captain.

Town Talk.

BY THE SAUNTERER IN SOCIETY.

EW of us, I suppose, consider that up to this present date we have made much of a hole in our year. Thanks to the reluctance with which Winter left us, and the reluctance Spring displayed in coming, we are here close upon Midsummer-day before we know it. Idle people take no note of time, save by its loss-an observation which is YOUNG if not now; and busy people really haven't time to think about time. I won't say which class I belong to, but I'll own I was startled to find that we had already reached the half-year practically, and that in that moiety the National Lifeboat Association has done great work. Six months is not a long time to save four hundred and forty-three lives in-but the Association has done it! So, my dear reader, since time does fly so imperceptibly, don't lose it, but at once send that subscription you have so long been thinking about to MR. LEWIS, at No. 14, Johnstreet, Adelphi, and you'll feel an additional glow of pleasure when you see the balance of "lives saved" by the society during the next six months.

He re

SIR THOMAS MARYON WILSON is a gentleman who has hitherto been distinguished chiefly on account of his desire to curtail the workingman's breathing-ground by inclosing Hampstead Heath. appeared the other day as the president of "The Greenwich Conservative Association" (whatever that may be), having, perhaps, an eye to Blackheath as good building ground. I have nothing on earth to do with his political opinions, being rather Conservative myself since MR. DISRAELI has become Radical, but I must protest against the letters which in his presidential capacity (not to say incapacity) SIR T. M. W. has addressed to LORD DERBY and MR. DISRAELI. He may tamper with our heaths and commons if he can, but I cannot permit him to ravage the English language unnoticed. I don't suppose that SIR T. M. W.'s friends will consider I am too hard upon him when I take it for granted that he has received the education of a gentlemanbut how on earth could he sign letters which contain the following disgraceful and ignorant blunders ?

EXTRACT FROM LETTER TO LORD DERBY.

"They likewise consider that every member of the Cabinet in their respective positions are deserving the confidence of the country. Praying that your lordship may long be spared to wield the reins of government in support of that most noble cause, and which you have always espoused."

EXTRACT FROM LETTER TO MR. DISRAELI.

"May you be long spared and supported in the position as leader of that house, which has ever been the boast of Englishmen to possess, being assured that so long as the Conservative government remain in power the venerated institutions of the country are

It is useless to point out to SIR M. T. W., and his ignoramuses, the gross bungles I gibbet. It is needless to point them out to my readers-a charity-school-boy would detect them. Really, SIR THOMAS MARYON WILSON should be presented with a copy of Lindley Murray by his grateful admirers at Hampstead-but they must not forget that it should be a grammar for beginners.

THE Peers have been coming in for a share of the Thunderer's bolts of late; and as the Times is supposed to represent-echo, indeed,public opinion, I begin to shake in my shoes. Can it be that the Democratic Reform Bill of the Government already influences the very sensitive mercury in Printing-house-square? For my own part, I cannot see why repose and calm should be refused to a House to which no member of the Commons is by any chance admitted until he has become superannuated and effete.

THE International Society of Fine Arts, which has a spirited object in view the abrogation of the picture-dealer interest-has taken a gallery in Bond-street. Galleries are difficult to get, and so we must not complain if the I. S. of F. A. is not as luminously lodged as it deserves. But it merits support, for it introduces us to many foreign artists of talent and genius, who are, as a rule, unknown to the British

public. This is a novelty-for M. GAMBART, who deserves considerable credit for his foreign shows, did not startle us with novelties very often-was, indeed, frequently forestalled by the photographers. I can honestly recommend my readers to drop in at 25, Bond-street, to enjoy a feast of Continental art-and buy a picture at a reasonable price if they choose.

I SEE that the design for the Hall of Science and Art is exhibited at the Royal Academy-and a precious ugly building it will be! I can compare it to nothing but a Strasburg pie with a glass crust-I only hope the contents will be half as good. A scientific paper which is an undoubted authority, alludes to the statement in the report handed to the QUEEN, that "learned societies" have represented to COLE AND CO. the want of such an institution, and says that some of the most important societies have protested against the scheme, and have declined to take rooms in the building. Perhaps COLE AND Co. will name the "learned societies." The Laboratory hits a blot at once:

"The building will be admirably adapted for shows of an attractive character, but for purely scientific purposes it will be utterly useless. An ordinary lecturer could not be heard in this South Kensington Coliseum, and such experiments as we are accustomed to see at the Royal Institution would be invisible to nine-tenths of the people for whom seats will be provided."

CORRECT SOLUTIONS OF ACROSTIC No. 14, RECEIVED JUNE 19:-Frank and Maria; Snuff-box; Nanny's Pet; Brick-court; Benhill; Cerevino; Samoth Egatton Mangey; Old Trafford; Bumblepuppy; Constance; Ada W. P. L. A. T.; Elden Lily; Peter G.; Entrave; T. D. H.; Ledbury; Merabile Dick-Tu-rpin; J. S. L.; Kiel; R. C. O.; Young Australia; Irresistible; Two Clapham Contortionists; E. T.; Never No More; Hunkey Dorum; Bowwow; O. and Sons; H. R.; Breakside and Hamish; Nemorino; rissie; E. of T.; J. T. B.; Shorncliffe; Muckle Pickle; Varney the Vampyre; Penalverne; Warming-Pan; Ginger; sixty-Five; Horribildous; D. D.; Tri a Juneta; J. S.; Lechuza; Sphinx; Kuby.

"A NINE DAYS' WONDER."-That of the kitten, which wonders when it's going to see!

SPORTING INTELLIGENCE.

NICHOLAS ON THE RISING GENERATION.

THE ORIENTAL REPOSITORY (LIMITED) HORSKLAYDOWN. MY DEAR YOUNG FRIEND,-I have received your affable note, Sir, and it is quite right where it says, "NICHOLAS has established-goodness knows how!-a reputation as a moralist; and we want to hear what he may have to say with regard to the alleged deterioration in the tone of society, especially amongst the rising generation." Quite right, my dear young Friend, you are, and it is only natural that ye shouldest.

The Prophet himself is, as the British public are well aweer, no longer in that first flush of youth than which a period more certain to plunge a man into the wildest excesses, nor yet as a rule more difficult for him to get out of them, but very pleasant all the same and I wish as a good deal of it was to come over again.

Though NICHOLAS, however, can no longer claim to be considered a mere stripling, yet I was once as young as you, my dear youthful Friend; and I would even say as I was once younger but for being rude. That youth have insensibly diminished with the lapse of advancing years is unfortunately true; but he still takes an interest, does the Old Man, in the ways of the adolescent, and he has noticed with sincere regret that such is going pretty quick to the bad.

If you come to mere morality, mind you, the Old Man is not sure as you are a bit worse, you young men of 1867, than what he was himself at an anollogus period, he being accustomed for to carry on dreadful; and many is the officer of police which might even now recognise in the weather-worn countenance of NICHOLAS some resemblance to one who in formal years-but perhaps this is vanityglorious.

The peculiarity of young men just now-and in saying young men, the Prophet means from twenty to thirty, leaving out boys on the one side and steady old coves on the other-the peculiarity of young men just now is that they care for little and believe in nothing. In NICHOLAS'S Own time, even when a youngster was vicious, there was generally two things about him as was worth notice:-in the first place, he got something like enjoyment out of his vices; and in the second place, he was seldom so far gone but what he was ashamed of them.

Young Hopeful of the present day still talks about seeing life; but you would think as it was Death he saw, his eyes get so dull and fixed. Enjoyment, Sir? You come along of NICHOLAS to any place where they congregate, these young men; and your good and gifted old guide, Sir, meaning me, will turn round upon you with the majesty of a SOCRATES or even a PLATER, and bid ye answer whether ever in your life you saw faces more dull, more weary, more woebegone. They have ate their cake, these boys; and not only can they consequently never have such again, but it have made them far from well in their insides.

And now, Sir, about manners. They are not ashamed, these young ones are not, to behave in a way which NICHOLAS-though he do not like the word-is constrained to call "caddish." I am not myself of noble blood, though my family is respectable and always looks back with pride to the illustrious traditions of those grand old days when one of us was connected with Britannia's Custom House itself; but I should be sorry, such as I am, to behave in the way that is now common-I should just say as it was common, in a parenthesis!-amongst our young men, not merely amongst those who are fast, and consequently loose, but even amongst steadier ones.

There is a growing indifference to the claims of woman, sir, which is a sign of barbarical deterioration-Young England puffs tobacco, sir, in her face; he talks to her about subjects, the very mention of which is an insult for which an honest girl's brother would be quite justified in knocking him down; the gentle courtesy of the past is dead; and with the exception of a few cavaliers de la vieille roche-such as NICHOLAS himself-society is getting like a Cremorne with all the amusements left out.

These remarks, Sir, have been suggested to the Prophet by incidents which happened to him recently in Paris, where he thought himself justified, being still a bachelor, in a little flirtation with a young lady at SPIERS and POND's, and which the fair one and him was getting along as nicely as possible, when who should step in but a young whippersnapper, than whom I am sure his hat was only fit for a show, and as for his coat-well, the Prophet would not advise him for to show himself to his old schoolmaster in such, since the temptation might be too many for that pedagogue!-and which I could plainly hear him calling of me "a pottering old tout ;" and she laughed at

A Good Shillingsworth.

NICHOLAS!

Ir a man is only as "right as ninepence" he can hardly describe himself as "pretty bobbish." With threepence more, up he goes to the required standard.

A GIANT'S DISCOMFORTS. OH! RHUSKIBUSKHIBINGO

He was a giant great-
Outlandish was his lingo,

His height was furlongs eight.
His boots were seven league, you
Will guess-and more besides;
It really would fatigue you
To measure out his strides.

He ate per day-his stomach
From growing pangs to keep-
A score of beeves, with some ac-
Cidental pigs and sheep.

Each day a club he'd pick him—
An oak tree strong and sappy;
And nobody could lick him-
And still he wasn't happy.
And yet you'd think a giant,
Whom none to cross would dare
Of everything defiant-
Would sure be free from care!
But hapless RHUSKIBUSKHI

Was nothing of the kind,
His voice with grief was husky,
His eyes with tears were blind.
And you will all allow, sirs,

He had no cause for smiles;
Of course his coats and trousers
He wanted made by MILES.
But MILES he did gainsay him—
And sure a losing job

It had been, to array him
In "bags at sixteen bob."

And since they were unwilling

To build this giant's bags
For sixteen times one shilling-
He had to go in rags.

Next to supply his table

With roasts and bakes and pies, He found himself unable,

Though he did advertise

For "A Plain Cook;" for none were
Prepared to store his maw;

So since his meals undone were,
He had to eat them raw.

And since both he and dinner
Required a better dressing,
The end of him, poor sinner,
You'll speedily be guessing.
For insufficient clothing

Is bad beyond all question-
Raw food produces loathing
Which leads to indigestion.

Now he had rheumatisem
And indigestion. You
Don't think they're pleasant-is 'em?
The giant thought so too!

MORAL.

You this conclusion fit 'll

Deduce from what I state

If grief attacks the little,
It also stirs the great.

"Houses Painted and Papered."

A CYNICAL Critic observes, à propos of the supposed success of spectacular dramas, that a scene-painter ought to be ashamed of himself if he can't draw a house-on canvas.

Les Beaux Arts.

We believe there is no ground for the report that M. DU CHAILLJ has been elected Honorary President of the Toxophilite Society, as a recognition of his long (bow) services in Africa.