A MAN OF LETTERS.

AT the time when adventurous CADMUS, he
Gave us the alphabet Greek,

I often have wished that he had "mussy"
Shown to the poor and the weak!
Think of the time when one little is,
Connoing the book on one's knee,
Think of the rod that to "tittle is '
Those who can't say A B C.

Spelling at school somewhat later comes,
Up to six-syllable words;

Next in the list Alma Mater comes,
Bringing examiners' girds,

Who, scanty credit allowing you,
Sneer at whatever you say-
Finish the matter by "ploughing" you,
Stopping you short of B.A.

Life with its cares next is vexing ns-
Letters it brings in its train-
Letters for ever perplexing us-
Letters that fill us with pain-
Letters of duns, and on business--
Letters from lawyers, a few-
Letters productive of dizziness,
Namely, these three-I.O.U.
Hunted by letters unceasingly,

What can one do to be free?-
Troubles assemble increasingly,
Comfort and happiness flee.

I can see only one end to it,

Straight to Death's door I must go And bidding farewell to Life, send to it, Writ on my card-D.I.O.

The Old-Faced Type.

Ir is reported that the negroes are about to start a Paper in Kentucky. We presume it will be printed in black letter. "Uncle Ned" will, of course, at once suggest himself as an (n) editor, though his well-known baldness may be a drawback to his appointment, as fears would be, not without reason, entertained that he might go a-wool-gathering occasionally, and an editor should have all his wits about him, even though he be not editor of a comic paper.

WHAT birds are most pugnacious ?-Sparrers. 7

A Hint to the Song-Writers.

EXPERIENCE.

THOSE delightful poets, who are for ever wishing themselves either daisies or birds, have a fine opening now. The Melbourne Age says, that fruit is so plentiful in that locality this year that "people are on the look-out for pigs to eat up the quantities of peaches, apricots, plums, etc., which will not pay for the gathering for table." The song writers will feel quite at home in Australia, which it will be remembered is now overrun with thistles, imported by an enthusiastic Scot.

Shall the bulbul be silent when the rose is near? Where there is a plenty of Carduus benedictus shall the nightingale of British song be mute? Forbid it heaven-and the music-publishing trade!

Auswers to Correspondents.

[We cannot return rejected MSS. or sketches unless they are accompanied by a stamped and directed envelope.]

time the old sell" Fine day for the race ?" "What race?" The human A CORRESPONDENT who writes to express his joy at hearing for the first race" is hereby congratulated. He must have a great many surprises and sensations to look forward to!

AMOR.-No more, please!

T. G., Duke-street, Adelphi.-Too late for insertion.
PALE ALE, does not exhibit a bit-o'-beer-able wit.

P. Y., Trumpington-street.-Why do you call your six-line paragraph

a pamphlet ? To be sure the matter is heavy enough for three vols.

W. P. S. N., Heavitree.-Heavy, tree-mendously!

J. C. H., Benwell-road.We fear that joke is not your own.

A CALCULATING BOY should have sent us the newspaper referred to.

We might have read that but we cannot decipher his letter.

COPE.-A sketch, but not a Sepia sketeh-non accepimus!

NEMO.-"Go, get thee to a None-ery!"

"ONE WHO WAS BORN YOUNG" might have added" and foolish." J. B., Glasgow-Decidedly not.

SHEM.-Shem-fully bad of you to send an old joke like that! GLAD. We're sorry we don't think your suggestions happy. Declined with thanks.-Ipse Dixit; Cuckoooo; A. H., Dennington; H. E. V. D.; X. X. X.; L'apostrophe; Humpty Dumpty; Tom, Glasgow; "Course of the Exchange; S. G., Liverpool; T. R., York; J. W. Chadwell-street; W. E. T., Worcester; U. M., Pimlico; W. R., junr., Durham; C. S., Plymouth; Undergrad., Tadcaster; X. Q. R.; Browne; "To the Paris Exhibition"; E. K.; O. Y. G.; Sigma; F. B., Aldersgate-street; J. C., Union-square; H. N., Kew; R. D.; J. H. C., Moorgate-street; The Wonderful Swimmer; A. B. X.; C. S. B., Walworth-road; F. W. S., Caullowes-road; J. D.; T. H.. Hull; N. H. J.; R., Liverpool; Admirer, Bristol; Biddy Flanagan; P.'s and Q.'s; G. M.,

THE GREAT FRENCH EXHIBITION.
THE OMNIBUS RESTORATION

IN THE AVENUE RAPP, PARIS, FRANCE. DEAR 'LIZA,-I don't know as I shall ever again talk contempshus of French kickshaws becos, after all, give me the thing as is native to the country where it grows, which if BOB hadn't been all for pale ale an' Cheshire cheese with sallary and roasted surline of beef he wouldn't ha' been but there, it was that gal as done it, FREKILLINA, as he called her, which what do you think if she wasn't well known to both of us after all, as one of the barmaids as used to be at the Three Bucks, which she's been and died her head of 'air-as the French calls a shevoelure-a pale straw colour as with a false tooth where the one was knocked out through the sudden lettin' go of the handle of the beer engine, reg'lar disguised her. I found it out all of a sudden as I was a-settin' waitin' for Boв who would go in for his half-an'-half as we see nothing of the Exhibition in consequence: and up to her I goes and says, "What's the last news from Gresham-street?" as made her face change colour quicker than her 'air had, I promise you. BOB's been as much agin' the English sexion ever since as he was all for it before, and nothing does now but we must dine at the Rooshian place where they make tea in a urn that reminded me of the meetin's that used to be in the Centenary Hall, Bishopsgate, when the Methodies Conferences was on. Now we come here every day. I fought shy for ever so long, for, says I, no more of your train oil and black bread for me, an' espescialy when I see down on the cart, which is French for bill o' fare, horse d'oofer. A cow-heel, I says, I have partook of in poor father's time as was partial to 'em as well as pettitoes as I've fetched pretty frequent from Leadenhall, but none of your horse 'ooffers for me, I says, as this ain't the sort of a cart for to put a horse in. BoB he laughs and says as it was only another name for somethink substantial, and blest if he wasn't right, for what should it be but biled beef and cabbage, not dear neither at half a franc; but there, I'm blessed if I care now what I eat and drink, nor see either, for that matter: I'm gettin' tired of it, there's such a precious lot of veeve l' uproar and other rows, and such confusion. Where should I find myself yesterday but standin' in a place before a thunderin' big statue, and whether I dreamt it or not I fancied I was at MADAME TUSSAUD's, and that the EMPEROR had got out o' bed and was settin' up in his easy chair. At any rate, there he was with his map on his

knee, and a whole host o' Frenchmen in hats, as seems to me to grow taller the shorter they are themselves, a-gruntin' and hollerin' with their "Grond'omms" and "Tea Corporals" and "Glowrs," and all the rest of it till I'm blest if I could stand it any longer, so I puts my thumb to my nose and sings out "Yah! Waterloo!" and a sourjohn devil, which is all one as a policeman in a cocked 'at, comes after me, and I had to dodge him under the legs of a statue as reminded me of a geography book as we used to have at school with a picture of the Coalossus of Roads. I say I dodged him and so I did, but I was twigged afterwards, and now I'm a marked man, leastways I should be if I didn't go about disguised in a turban and top boots, as I'll perhaps tell you of in my next.-Your miserable

Theatre Royal, Haymarket.

SAM TROTTLE.

By Kind Permission of J. B. BUCKSTONE, ESQ.

A MORNING PERFORMANCE for the Benefit of the Widowed Mother of THE LATE PAUL GRAY, Two o'clock p.m., when will be produced a New and original Comedy Will take place at the above Theatre on Saturday, the 6th July, at by ARTHUR SKETCHLEY, entitled

ESTELLE'S BIRTHDAY.

Characters by MISS NELLY MOORE, MISS CARLOTTA ADDISON, and MESSRS. H. J. IRVING, J. HARE, H. J. MONTAGUE, and J. CLAYTON, who have kindly given their valuable services.

To conclude with the New and Original Burlesque, ROBINSON CRUSOE. Supported by MISS FURTADO, MRS. BROWN (her first and only appearance), MESSRS. ARCHER, BROUGH, BRUNTON, BARNES, FURTADO, GILBERT, HOLLINGSHEAD, HENLEY, HOOD, LEIGH, MOLLOY, "NICHOLAS," O'CONNOR, PROWSE, ROBERTSON, SCOTT, SKETCHLEY, A. THOMPSON, J. G. THOMSON, THORNBURY, THOMAS, and others, with power to add to their number, forming a list of well known names so long that it is to be continued in our next.

Private boxes, £5 5s., £3 3s., and £2 28.; Stalls, 10s 6d.; Dresscircle. 78. 6d.; Upper boxes, 5s.; Pit, 38.; Gallery, 1s. Tickets may be obtained at the FUN Office.

DISILLUSIONE D.

BY AN EX-ENTHUSIAST.

see

to me

SPORTING INTELLIGENCE.

NICHOLAS ON BRITISH HOSPITALITY.

ORIENTAL REPOSITORY (LIMITED), HORSELAYDOWN.

MY DEAR YOUNG FRIEND,-My relative, who is not a fool, whatever else he may be, have suggested that remarks of a vaticinatory and even prophetic character might be applied to many other events besides those which are mixed up with my country's Turf; and he have hinted that, at my time of life, NICHOLAS has a right to express his own opinion on any subject in the world, bar none.

The Prophet is, therefore, game for to make the following announcement, which MESSRS. JUDD and GLASS will please for to put it in the ro- customary form, it being

Awaking from a gin-born nap,

With pipe and sloven dress :

Amusing chums, who fooled his bent,
With muddy maudlin sentiment,
And tipsy foolishness !

The novelist, whose painting pen
To legions of fictitious men

A real existence lends,

Brain-people whom we rarely fail,
Whene er we hear their names, to hail
As old and welcome friends;

I found in clumsy snuffy suit,
In seedy glove, and blucher boot,
Uncomfortably big.

Particularly commonplace,

With vulgar, coarse stockbroking face, And spectacles and wig!

My favourite actor who, at will

With mimic woe my eyes could fill
With unaccustomed brine:

A being who appeared to me
(Before I knew him well) to be
A song incarnadine,

I found a coarse unpleasant man
With speckled chin-unhealthy, wan-

Of self-importance full:

Existing in an atmosphere

That reeked of gin and pipes and beer-
Conceited, fractious, dull!

The warrior whose ennobled name
Is woven with his country's fame,
Triumphant over all.

I found weak, palsied, bloated, blear;
His province seemed to be, to leer

At bonnets in Pall Mall.

Would that ye always shone, who write,
Bathed in your own innate lime-light,
And ye who battles wage,

Or that in darkness I had died
Before my soul had ever sighed
To see you off the stage!

Intolerance.

1

THE OLD MAN'S TIP FOR THE NAVAL Review. Britannia, the Pride of the Ocean The Rest of the Universe NICHOLAS have likewise been requested for to lend his powerful and world-wide aid on behalf of British Hospitality to our Belgian visitors. The Old Man cannot say that he knows very much about the Belgians. nor yet about Belgia itself, he having only been there once, nor do you find him so again. No, no, my brave young Belgic visitors; never no more will the Prophet cross the stormy ocean, except it be to Paris direct. NICHOLAS, however, is bound to say that when he was in Belgia he was treated with sumptuous hospitality and champagne wine all day; and NICHOLAS has great pleasure in coming forward, alongside of H.R.H. and the noblest of the land, to vindicate his country's character for hospitality.

His country's character for hospitality ain't good.

NICHOLAS will not pretend to know much about geography and the use of globes, though I will yield to no man of my age and weight, bar none, in estimating of the points of a horse; but NICHOLAS have been reading a good deal in the papers at the Repository, and rumours have reached him concerning of Pashas of Turkey (where Constantinople is, as the song was wrote about), and the Sultans of the Egyptians, and KING THEODOSIUS of Abbeysinia, and other monarchs, all of whom are likely for to visit Britain's shore.

Gentlemen all, I have noticed that now these illustrious visitors are coming we don't know what to do with them.

It is easy enough-though mean-to let 'em all take lodgings at a respectable public, if any such will admit the heathen; but some kind of State notice ought to be taken of 'em, and something done for to improve their minds. Accordingly,

NICHOLAS WILL GIVE THE EASTERN POTENTATES
A Free Admission

TO VIEW THE ORIENTAL REPOSITORY (LIMITED).

And, my dear young Friend, representing-as you do on this auspicious and momentuos occasion-the tax-paying public of Great Britain, I am sure that you will be only too delighted for to make good any little expense to which I may be put.

Nor is even this the full extent of British Hospitality. NICHOLAS is prepared for to go further still, and to give

AN INTERNATIONAL SOIREE. Programme.

7 p.m.-March to Horselaydown by the Belgian Volunteers. N.B.Any of the Belgian Volunteers as may like to bring their own provisions will be allowed to do so.

8 p.m.-Opening of the Oriental Repository.

8.15 p.m.-Arrival of the Belgians, Egyptians, Turkeys, and Abbeysinias. N.B.-Any monarchs liking to come in their own carriages will be allowed for to do so. Gentlemen, the Repository is Liberty Hall! Should any King prefer the threepenny 'bus, he will be entitled for to receive back his fare on producing, at the Repository, a stamped receipt from the conductor—but NICHOLAS truly hopes that no foreign monarch will be quite so mean.

8.20 p.m.-Anybody anxious to present purses to NICHOLAS will be allowed to do so.

8.30 p.m.-Public Opening of Two Bottles of Sherry Wine. N.B.The Corks will be Inaugurated by Sir WentwoRTH DILKE and MR. HENRY COLE, C.B.

8.35 p m.-The Prophet will declare that the sherry wine is open. N.B. This will be considered as equivalent to a good deal.

8 36 p.m.-The Foreign Visitors will begin to wonder what it all means. Observing which, at exactly

8.37 p.m.-NICHOLAS will offer the Sultan a tumbler of sherbet. Great enthusiasm. No charge will be made for the sherbet.

9 p.m.-The Belgians will be allowed to send for what they like in the way of liquor. No charge will be made for this permission.

10 p.m.-The Old Man will make a gracious valedictory address, ending with the words, "Don't you think you'd better go ?" Greater enthusiasm than ever. The ceremony will then conclude by NICHOLAS singing of the National Anthem in the back parlour; and the character of British Hospitality will THUS be redeemed! NICHOLAS.