A MAN OF LETTERS. Ar the time when adventurous CADMUS, he I often have wished that he had "mussy" Spelling at school somewhat later comes, Next in the list Alma Mater comes, Who, scanty credit allowing you, "you, Life with its cares next is vexing us- What can one do to be free?- I can see only one end to it, Straight to Death's door I must go And bidding farewell to Life, send to it, Writ on my card-D.I.O. The Old-Faced Type. Ir is reported that the negroes are about to start a Paper in Kentucky. We presume it will be printed in black letter. "Uncle Ned" will, of course, at once suggest himself as an (n) editor, though his well-known baldness may be a drawback to his appointment, as fears would be, not without reason, entertained that he might go a-wool-gathering occasionally, and an editor should have all his wits about him, even though he be not editor of a comic paper. WHAT birds are most pugnacious ?-Sparrers. 7 A Hint to the Song-Writers. EXPERIENCE. Young Quiller (author of twenty-four hours' standing) :-"YOU HAVE NO IDEA DOWNIE, OF THE SENSATION WHICH SEEING ONESELF IN PRINT PRODUCES." Downie:- -"WELL, I AIN'T 80 SURE O' THAT. I SEE MY OWN NAME IN PRINT ONCE-GAZETTE-LIST O' BANKRUPTS, YE KNOW!" THOSE delightful poets, who are for ever wishing themselves either daisies or birds, have a fine opening now. The Melbourne Age says, the look-out for pigs to eat up the quantities of peaches, apricots, that fruit is so plentiful in that locality this year that "people are on plums, etc., which will not pay for the gathering for table." The song writers will feel quite at home in Australia, which it will be remembered is now overrun with thistles, imported by an enthusiastic Scot. Shall the bulbul be silent when the rose is near? Where there is a plenty of Carduus benedictus shall the nightingale of British song be mute? Forbid it heaven-and the music-publishing trade! "I would I were a pig In far Austra-li-a! To eat plum, peach, and fig, And apricot all day!" There! there's a start for them. Draw it mild! THE Inman steam ship, "City of Cork," which lately arrived in Liverpool from New York, can boast of an achievement which completely takes the wind out of the sails of the "wee craft" the Red White and Blue. She was navigated across the Atlantic with a Cork's-crew! Hard Ware. Ir is very strange that although you may procure tenpenny nails in the pound, no ironmonger ever thinks of supplying you with income tacks. Auswers to Correspondents. [We cannot return rejected MSS. or sketches unless they are accompanied by a stamped and directed envelope.] time the old sell" Fine day for the race ?" "What race?" "The human race"-is hereby congratulated. He must have a great many surprises and sensations to look forward to! A CORRESPONDENT who writes to express his joy at hearing for the first AMOR.-No more, please! T. G., Duke-street, Adelphi.-Too late for insertion. P. Y., Trumpington-street.-Why do you call your six-line paragraph a pamphlet ? To be sure the matter is heavy enough for three vols. w. P. S. N., Heavitree.-Heavy, tree-mendously! J. C. H., Benwell-road.We fear that joke is not your own. A CALCULATING BOY should have sent us the newspaper referred to. We might have read that but we cannot decipher his letter. COPE.-A sketch, but not a Sepia sketch-non accepimus! NEMO.-" Go, get thee to a None-ery!" "ONE WHO WAS BORN YOUNG" might have added "and foolish." J. B., Glasgow-Decidedly not. SHEM.-Shem-fully bad of you to send an old joke like that! GLAD. We're sorry we don't think your suggestions happy. Declined with thanks.-Ipse Dixit; Cuckoooo; A. H., Dennington; H. E. V. D.; X. X. X.; L'apostrophe; Humpty Dumpty; Tom, Glasgow; "Course of the Exchange," S. G., Liverpool; T. R., York; J. W. Chadwell-street; W. E. T., Worcester; U. M., Pimlico; W. R., junr., Durham; C. S., Plymouth; Undergrad., Tadcaster; X. Q. R.; Browne; "To the Paris Exhibition"; E. K.; O. Y. G.; Sigma; F. B.,. Aldersgate-street; J. C., Union-square; H. N., Kew; R. D.; J. H. C., Moorgate-street; The Wonderful Swimmer; A. B. X.; C. S. B., Walworth-road; F. W. S., Caullowes-road; J. D.; T. H.. Hull; N. H. J.; R., Liverpool; Admirer, Bristol; Biddy Flanagan; P.'s and Q.'s; G. M., THE DESERT OF (AUNT) SA-(HA)-RA.-Epsom Downs without the races. Portman-square. THE GREAT FRENCH EXHIBITION. THE OMNIBUS RESTORATION knee, and a whole host o' Frenchmen in hats, as seems to me to grow taller the shorter they are themselves, a-gruntin' and hollerin' with their "Grond'omms" and "Tea Corporals" and "Glowrs," and all the rest of it till I'm blest if I could stand it any longer, so I puts my thumb to my nose and sings out "Yah! Waterloo!" and a sourjohn devil, which is all one as a policeman in a cocked 'at, comes after me, and I had to dodge him under the legs of a statue as reminded me of Coalossus of Roads. I say I dodged him and so I did, but I was a geography book as we used to have at school with a picture of the twigged afterwards, and now I'm a marked man, leastways I should be if I didn't go about disguised in a turban and top boots, as I'll perhaps tell you of in my next.-Your miserable Theatre Royal, Haymarket. SAM TROTTLE. By Kind Permission of J. B. BUCKSTONE, ESQ. A MORNING PERFORMANCE for the Benefit of the Widowed Mother of Will take place at the above Theatre on Saturday, the 6th July, at IN THE AVENUE RAPP, PARIS, FRANCE. DEAR 'LIZA,-I don't know as I shall ever again talk contempshus of French kickshaws becos, after all, give me the thing as is native to the country where it grows, which if BOB hadn't been all for pale ale an' Cheshire cheese with sallary and roasted surline of beef he wouldn't ha' been but there, it was that gal as done it, FREKILLINA, as he called her, which what do you think if she wasn't well known to both of us after all, as one of the barmaids as used to be at the Three Bucks, which she's been and died her head of 'air-as the French calls a shevoelure-a pale straw colour as with a false tooth where the one was knocked out through the sudden lettin' go of the handle of the beer engine, reg'lar disguised her. I found it out all of a sudden as I was a-settin' waitin' for Boв who would go in for his half-an-half as we see nothing of the Exhibition in consequence and up to her I goes and says, "What's the last news from Gresham-street?" as made her face change colour quicker than her 'air had, I promise you. BOB's been as much agin' the English sexion ever since as he was all for it before, and nothing does now but we must dine at the Rooshian place where they make tea in a urn that reminded me of the meetin's that used to be in the Centenary Hall, Bishopsgate, when the Methodies Conferences was on. Now we come here every day. I fought shy for ever so long, for, says I, no more of your train oil and black bread for me, an' espescialy when I see down on the cart, which is French for bill o' fare, horse d'oofer. A cow-heel, I says, I have partook of in poor father's time as was partial to 'em as well as pettiTo conclude with the New and Original Burlesque, toes as I've fetched pretty frequent from Leadenhall, but none of your horse 'ooffers for me, I says, as this ain't the sort of a cart for to put a ROBINSON CRUSOE. horse in. BoB he laughs and says as it was only another name for Supported by MISS FURTADO, MRS. BROWN (her first and only apsomethink substantial, and blest if he wasn't right, for what should it pearance), MESSRS. ARCHER, BROUGH, BRUNTON, BARNES, FURTADO, be but biled beef and cabbage, not dear neither at half a franc; but GILBERT, HOLLINGSHEAD, HENLEY, HOOD, LEIGH, MOLLOY, there, I'm blessed if I care now what I eat and drink, nor see either," NICHOLAS," O'CONNOR, PROWSE, ROBERTSON, SCOTT, SKETCHLEY, for that matter: I'm gettin' tired of it, there's such a precious lot of A. THOMPSON, J. G. THOMSON, THORNBURY, THOMAS, and others, veeve l' uproar and other rows, and such confusion. Where should I with power to add to their number, forming a list of well known names find myself yesterday but standin' in a place before a thunderin' big so long that it is to be continued in our next. statue, and whether I dreamt it or not I fancied I was at MADAME TUSSAUD's, and that the EMPEROR had got out o' bed and was settin' up in his easy chair. At any rate, there he was with his map on his ESTELLE'S BIRTHDAY. Characters by MISS NELLY MOORE, MISS CARLOTTA ADDISON, and MESSRS. H. J. IRVING, J. HARE, H. J. MONTAGUE, and J. CLAYTON, who have kindly given their valuable services. Private boxes, £5 5s., £3 3s., and £2 2s.; Stalls, 10s 6d.; Dresscircle. 78. 6d.; Úpper boxes, 58.; Pit, 38.; Gallery, 18. Tickets may be obtained at the FUN Office. London: Printed by JUDD & GLASS, Phoenix Works, St. Andrew's Hill, Doctors' Commons, and Published (for the Proprietor) by W. ALDER. at 80, Fleet-street, E.C.June 29, 1867. DISILLUSIONED. BY AN EX-ENTHUSIAST. H! that my soul its gods could see As years ago they seemed to me When first I painted them; Invested with the circumstance Of old conventional SPORTING INTELLIGENCE. NICHOLAS ON BRITISH HOSPITALITY. ORIENTAL REPOSITORY (LIMITED), HORSELAYDOWN. MY DEAR YOUNG FRIEND,-My relative, who is not a fool, whatever else he may be, have suggested that remarks of a vaticinatory and even prophetic character might be applied to many other events besides those which are mixed up with my country's Turf; and he have hinted that, at my time of life, NICHOLAS has a right to express his own opinion on any subject in the world, bar none. The Prophet is, therefore, game for to make the following announcement, which MESSRS. JUDD and GLASS will please for to put it in the ro- customary form, it being The bard who could, all men above, Inflame my soul with songs of love, And, with his verse, inspiro The craven soul who feared to die, With all the glow of chivalry And old heroic fire. I found him in a beerhouse tap Awaking from a gin-born nap, With pipe and sloven dress: Amusing chums, who fooled his bent, The novelist, whose painting pen A real existence lends, Brain-people whom we rarely fail, Whene er we hear their names, to hail As old and welcome friends; I found in clumsy snuffy suit, In seedy glove, and blucher boot, With vulgar, coarse stockbroking face, My favourite actor who, at will With mimic woe my eyes could fill A being who appeared to me I found a coarse unpleasant man Of self-importance full: That reeked of gin and pipes and beer- The warrior whose ennobled name I found weak, palsied, bloated, blear; At bonnets in Pall Mall. Would that ye always shone, who write, Or that in darkness I had died To see you off the stage! Intolerance. A MEMBER of the U. K. A., who thinks it wrong and sinful to sup in moderation, though one does not get a skinful, has forbidden his son to participate in the enjoyments of the cricket field, fearing that he might handle a bat that was sprung. It would be difficult to find a parallel to this piece of despotism, even in an Imperial U-K-A-se. NICHOLAS have likewise been requested for to lend his powerful and world-wide aid on behalf of British Hospitality to our Belgian visitors. The Old Man cannot say that he knows very much about the Belgians. nor yet about Belgia itself, he having only been there once, nor do you find him so again. No, no, my brave young Belgic visitors; never no more will the Prophet cross the stormy ocean, except it be to Paris direct. NICHOLAS, however, is bound to say that when he was in Belgia he was treated with sumptuous hospitality and champagne wine all day; and NICHOLAS has great pleasure in coming forward, alongside of H.R.H. and the noblest of the land, to vindicate his country's character for hospitality. His country's character for hospitality ain't good. NICHOLAS will not pretend to know much about geography and the use of globes, though I will yield to no man of my age and weight, bar none, in estimating of the points of a horse; but NICHOLAS have been reading a good deal in the papers at the Repository, and rumours have reached him concerning of Pashas of Turkey (where Constantinople is, as the song was wrote about), and the Sultans of the Egyptians, and KING THEODOSIUS of Abbeysinia, and other monarchs, all of whom are likely for to visit Britain's shore. Gentlemen all, I have noticed that now these illustrious visitors are coming we don't know what to do with them. It is easy enough-though mean-to let 'em all take lodgings at à respectable public, if any such will admit the heathen; but some kind of State notice ought to be taken of 'em, and something done for to improve their minds. Accordingly, NICHOLAS WILL GIVE THE EASTERN POTENTATES TO VIEW THE ORIENTAL REPOSITORY (LIMITED). And, my dear young Friend, representing-as you do on this auspicious and momentuos occasion-the tax-paying public of Great Britain, I am sure that you will be only too delighted for to make good any little expense to which I may be put. Nor is even this the full extent of British Hospitality. NICHOLAS is prepared for to go further still, and to give AN INTERNATIONAL SOIREE. Programme. 7 p.m.-March to Horselaydown by the Belgian Volunteers. N.B.Any of the Belgian Volunteers as may like to bring their own provisions will be allowed to do so. 8 p.m.-Opening of the Oriental Repository. 8.15 p.m.-Arrival of the Belgians, Egyptians, Turkeys, and Abbeysinias. N.B. Any monarchs liking to come in their own carriages will be allowed for to do so. Gentlemen, the Repository is Liberty Hall! Should any King prefer the threepenny 'bus, he will be entitled for to receive back his fare on producing, at the Repository, a stamped receipt from the aductor-but NICHOLAS truly hopes that no foreign monarch will be quite so mean. 8.20 p.m.-Anybody anxious to present purses to NICHOLAS will be allowed to do so. 8.30 p.m.-Public Opening of Two Bottles of Sherry Wine. N.B.The Corks will be Inaugurated by SIR WENTWORTH DILKE and MR. HENRY COLE, C.B. 8.35 pm.-The Prophet will declare that the sherry wine is open. N.B. This will be considered as equivalent to a good deal. 8 36 p.m.-The Foreign Visitors will begin to wonder what it all means. Observing which, at exactly 8.37 p.m.-NICHOLAS will offer the Sultan a tumbler of sherbet. Great enthusiasm. No charge will be made for the sherbet. 9 p.m.-The Belgians will be allowed to send for what they like in the way of liquor. No charge will be made for this permission. 10 p.m.-The Old Man will make a gracious valedictory address, ending with the words, "Don't you think you'd better go ?"__Greater enthusiasm than ever. The ceremony will then conclude by NICHOLAS singing of the National Anthem in the back parlour; and the character of British Hospitality will THUS be redeemed! NICHOLAS. ached domestics," but Frederick Fitzfipkin Jones, of B.N.C., Oxford, found it rather awkward to have MASTER FREDDY, HOW YOU be GROWN!"-especially as Miss Laura Binks could not repress a smile! FROM OUR STALL. THE French company now performing at St. James's Theatre is well worth going to see; nevertheless, it hardly realizes our own private anticipations. We believe that a good many of its members have been brought from provincial towns; at all events, we miss something of that admirable pull-all-togetherishness-we really cannot think of a shorter word for it-which has often delighted us in Parisian theatres. The list of pieces is varied and interesting; M. RAVEL and MDLLE. DESCHAMPS are the stars, and we think that MDLLE. S. BRUNET also deserves to have her name printed in large letters. This lady's performance in Les Idées de Madame Aubray is very dignified and graceful. The voice of MDLLE. DESCHAMPS is rather shrill, but she is pretty and ladylike. Both actresses dress magnificently. M. RAVEL plays admirably in the comedy we have just named; his continual bursts of passion on the subject of his conjugal misfortunes are delivered with great force and humour. A young actress, called LA PETITE GERARD, is highly promising. We cannot see much merit in Les Idées de Madame Aubray; there is too much talk about it, and the talk is generally improper. We fondly trust that nobody will be found audacious enough to adapt it for our own stage; we have no patience with mothers who are neither wives nor widows, when they sit calmly down to relate their adventures in speeches of sixty or seventy lines apiece. In the moral mirror which ALEXANDRE DUMAS, FILS, holds up to nature, the sides are as invariably reversed as they are in common looking-glasses-whatever is really right, appears not right, and vice versa. We observe some far better and healthier pieces in this French company's répertoire, and we shall decidedly take the present opportunity of seeing them. Sheer Nonsense from Sheffield. T |