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What a painful thing is shyness
An endowment to deplore, of a MORPHEU8, combined with the eyes of an ARGUS (by whom I do
To a beggar or a Highness not mean the sportive correspondent of the Morning Post, though
It is equally a bore. here is wishing him no harm)--and if you were likewise for to endow
It produces a depression the Old Man with as many legs as used to meet in the Ruins, it would
Very difficult to raise, still be utterly impossible for NICHOLAS to cope with the rush of events,
And this want of Self-possession all demanding of either sportive or prophetic treatment.
Is embittering my days! NICHOLAS, Sir, is a Prophet, and the best as ever prophesied, bar none; but I am likewise a British citizen, and-especially since the
It would really be delicious establishment of the Repository, than which I am sure a more
To be otherwise than shy, excellent emporium though a little not much patronised
Opportunities propitious as it onght to be-I have taken a warm interest in public
I have passed unheeded by! affairs. I have as much right to do so as any other man, bar
At the Bar-my own profession-
People“ write me down an ass," and taxes--or, to speak more accurately, the collector have twice
For I want that self-possession threatened to summons me for not doing so, and I really believe as he
Which is designated " brass." would have done such had it not been for my timely stratagern of going to a foreign shore, meaning the Exposition. I am eligible for
TOMKINS came for an opinion, to sit as a jury; and which, my time being valuable, it is the firm in
On a very simple point;
Whether “Cowcumber and inion” tention of NICHOLA8 for to find every man guilty right off, Under the new Reform Bill, I am not at all sure as I shall not stand for Parlia
Should be eaten with “the joint.”
I've a sort of an impression ment-either for the London University, or Hackney Wick, which I
Which develops by degrees, am told by the public prints as they are two of the new constituencies. There are many Turf topics upon which NICHOLAS have keep his
That my want of Self-possession eyes-not meaning that the Prophet takes out his orbs every night,
Made my answer not "the cheese." like false teeth, and puts them down on a turf topic, but only imply
Would I win at public meetings ing that the gaze of the Old Man, which is not unlike that of an eagle,
Oratorical renown, has been hovering, so for to speak, over Goodwood and such. In
Groans and hisses are my greetings cricket, again, the heart of NICHOLAS bave been filled with honest joy
And directions to “ sit down !" by the way in which we Gentlemen beat the Players, and will do so
Of caloric an accession again. Come on, ye Mercenaries! The ancient aristocracy of Great
Makes me hot as in Cabool, Britain, with their fine or Prophet for to back 'em up, are ready and
For my want of Self-possession eager for the fray.
Quite prevents my being “cool.”
Once I ventured to the Derby
I had never been before (From the Prophct's own Penny-a-liner.)
Could I Emperor or Czar be, Considerable excitement was recently occasioned, not a hundred
I would never venture more ! miles from the neighbourhood of the Oriental Repository, kept by the
Drag and cart in quick succes ion well-known MR. NICHOLAS, in Horselaydown, by the appearance of a
At me always raised a laugh, large number of the Belgian Volunteers. From circumstances which
For my want of Self-possession have since transpired, it is fully believed that had an alarming con
Makes me impotent to "chaft." flagration broken out at this moment, the flames would have lit up in bright relief the steeples of the neighbouring religious edifices, and
With a contumacious “cabby". that much praise would also have been due to the police for keeping
If I get into a row, off the pressure of the crowd. Fortunately, the devouring element
I'm as helpless as a "babby," was otherwise employed.
And I pay him--anyhow ! [NOTE BY NICHOLAS.-Of course it was. There was a dinner at the
For my power of expression, fansion House. That's the place that really stood in danger from
Is 80 miserably weak the " devouring" element, not the Repository, where it is but little as
From my want of Self-possession,
And my insufficient a cheek!”
I'm in awful trepidation, particular order of architecture-the Belgians were most warmly
For I dote on dearest Rose, received by their entertainer, who addressed them in the French
And on every next occasion language with great fluency, and which, when it was interpreted to
I determine to propose. them, they expressed themselves much pleased with his truly intro
But, alas, for my confession, national sentiments. The distinguished host stated his regret that he
I can never get it said: could not entertain them all at once; but added, that if they would go
And my want of Self-possession round to the.“ Admiral Keppel” in three distinct bodies, he would
May prevent my being wed. personally accompany each detachment, and make sure that the liquor
I've been very shy this season, was good by tasting it himself. This proposition being received with enthusiastic cheers, the first
And not self-possessed at all! distinct body set out upon its march, accompanied by NICHOLA8 and
Is it she who is the reason ?your Reporter. The proceedings at the " Admiral Keppel” were of a
For I'm wholly in her thrall! very satisfactory kind very satisfactory kind—especially the rum
I will plead for a concession and water.
Of her self to me; and then The second distinct body was equally fortunate, and the proceedings
I may get my Self-possessionat the" Admiral Keppel” were still satisfaetory-still most satisfactory
With hers added 1- back again! —and where is he who can deny such, especially the whiskey-toddy? and where is he who can deny whiskey-toddy? But it made the Belgians as tight-as-a-drum, you know-tightsadrum. Me and old
Laying the First Stone. NICHOLAS, being used to it, wasn't even touched-even touched. But It has often struck us as being rather mean on the part of a disyou should have seen the third distinct body, Why, they were twice tinguished individual to "walk off" with the trowel after he or she has as numerous as the others; and not a man of 'em sober, except me laid the first stone of some charitable institution. What would be said and old NICHOLAS, in the third distinct-distinctive body.
of anyone presiding at a public meeting or dinner, were he, on leaving, (NOTE BI. NICHOLAS.— The account, allowing for a little exaggeration, as well as on arriving, “ to take the chair ?". is substantially correct; but where it says that he wasn't touched,” why, I had, being a householder-to bail him out!]
ANAGRAM (specially applicable to Sheffield).—Trades Unions, “Red NICHOLAE. stain on us."
THE PARIS EXHIBITION.
uniform as was M. C. looks hard at me I shakes my head an' hollers WROTE IN THE MORBEN AQUEERYUM, PARC DEL XPOSITION,
out “Pegwell Bay!" and he grins and bows and in I goes. If it PARIS, FRANCE,
hadn't a-been for that Jew Aries we should have had no end of fates, Dear ’LIZA,—Never, except in the “Arabian Nights," has anythink what I'm equal to, as he's been glad to come round, I can tell you,
but at present the fates has forbid, and I've been able to show Bob like
my adventures been wrote since my last letter, and all along of when he finds I've got the entry; and if we didn't meet old BOTTLEmy having dressed myself in a cognishow,
Italians, or some of Jack and his daughter Amelia in the Grand Vestibule the other day, them confounded foreigners, call it; though in my case it was a sort as was bein' reg'lar crowed over by a French corporal as old BOTTLE of Eastern disguise of a turban and settrer, as I told you before. The JACK hollered at a good one, but couldn't make him understand. fact is that this place is a reg'lar maskorade, more so than ever I see at Bob's rather
low, becos that gal I told you of, TREBELLINA, has run Highbury Barn that night as it was a benefit, when uncle took tickets away with one of the waiters at the Rooshian tea coantor, and he for us; and as to what used to be at the old Eagle in the City-road spends a good deal of time here along of me and the Sultan, I mean before it was altered to the Grecian, why it's nothing to the seens one in the Moreen Aqueeryum, which it reminds me of “Here in cool takes part in here. Before I can git any
answer at the Post Restorong grot,” as they used to sing at the Aldersgate Harmonic Union. It's I shall be in Aldersgate again-me and the Sultan of Tarkey and the pleasant, though a little too dull for my money, to set here and look Bashaw of Egypt, which I am in his suit-not in his clothes I don't at the sea fishes a-swimmin' about in plate-glass tanks such as I never mean, I only just wish I was, for they're covered with gold and pearls, i knowd anywheres, except in the cellar at PAINTBR's in Leadenhallhis best is-grander a precious sight than the Sheriffs' liveries, or street, where they keeps the live turtle. But lor' I shall be home soon, even the Lord Mayor's, as I'm proud to say I've seen here a-talkin' to and then we'll
show these precious Bashaws and such what the City the Sultan himself like one o'clock, and him reg'lar knockin' under and can do.-Yours, as you won't know when you see me, as polite as though butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. Which he's to
SAM TROTTLE. be at a bankwet at the Guildhall, but that's neither here nor there.
P.S.-I should ha' liked to ha' seen LEWIS N.'s face when he was What I mean by bein' in the suit of their Highnesses is, that when I introduced to Alderman WATERLOO ! thought things had blown over and I shouldn't be reckonized, I went to see the Xposition again, and where should I find myself but in the
All's Fish that comes to the Net. Grant Vestibule, when a short fat dark portly sort of a gent, in a red skull-cap and a tight buttoned-up blue frock, goes by, and all the that they are taken by the waggon-load. Why don't our acute
It appears that the Hudson river has become so full of gold fish people looks at him and me, as I've let my beard grow and got up my complexion with warnut ketchup since to add to the delusion. Says 1 Transatlantic cousins put them into circulation ? Such net-profits to myself, “Sam TROTTLE, now's your game,” for I see what the would be better than greenbacks. people thought, and hears that the name of the short party was the VICEROY OF EGYPT, and others with him as was Bays-and precious
A Light Comedian ? green baize too I reckon, for they looked reg'lar comfoozled. Now We observe in the Era that a Glasgow manager wants a gentleman there was no law against my being a bay too if I liked, and so I jist of ability as “Heavy Lead." We are led to believe
or perhaps we follows 'em about, and everywhere that we goes the people makes way should say, we “zinc” he wants a man of metal. for us. Lor' I've seen everythink,—and more than that; there was I amongst the nobs when the EMPEROR give away the prizes, for I had
Ecco ! my turban washed, and put on a string o' beads like a mountebank, If we may judge from the fact that the two principal objects in the and takes my place close to the entrance, so as when the Sultan wrapper of a new journal are heralds, we should imagine that Echoes comes up I mixes up with a lot of other chaps, and when the feller in from the Clubs are trumps.
THE BELGIAN INVASION.
Uncle POPKINS is one of the Livery-
If you made of her now the “ diskivery."
Well! our Cits may be excellent traders,
The Belgians, our friendly invaders.
That to count one was wholly unable;
a true sense
that were good,
The Belgians, our ftiendly invaders
They are most of them portly and ruddy,
With ideas for a classical study.
They none of them look Abd el-Kaders :
Of the Belgians, our friendly invaders!
THE WARBLING WARRIOR OF WIMBLEDON.
A MERRY life the Volunteer
Upon the Common leads ;
His talk 's of martial deeds.
Ih bores of every kind.
Is one of them, you'll find);
In tented field to dwell;
Oh, isn't be a swell,
And lots of earwigs in his bed !.
A Poser for the C. S. Examiners.
A Spy-see Remark. Why does a satirist treat his victims like telescopes ?-Because be draws them out-sees through them--and then shuts them up !
or sketches unless they are accompanied
Balsam or Balm..
A MISTER-Y.-Why SNOBKINS will insist on calling himself Esquire. Here is a charming story ready to the hand of HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN :"The garden of the Middlesex Hospital was thrown open for the flower show of
Answers to Correspondents. the window-grown plants in the parish of St. Andrew's, Wella-street, on Tuesday, On this occasion the flower show for Christ Church, Down-street, was combined with it. The display of plants was very good, considering the badness of the bourhood. The prizes were distributed by Lady Mildred Beresford-Hope and the by a stamped and directed envelope.) Hon. Mrs. William Cowper-two out of a long list of patronesses. Among the prize-holders was one of the h-spital nurses ; and a prize was also adjudged to a
NO ARTIST.—The subject won't draw. balsam grown by a poor crippled boy by his bed-side in the Pepys Ward."
MADGE.—The queer English to which you draw our attention is not quite Even old Pepys himself might have been touched by this simple ment gratis, voyez vous ?
our own Madge-estic language, but we cannot give the parties an advertiserecital!_Such peeps into the diaries of the life of the poor should do “THB APOSTLE OF THE MORMONS.”As you say you are More-money good. Let us hope our quotation of the paragraph will benefit so you may be some slight prophet, but you are of no value to us. excellent a movement as that of “Window-grown Plant Shows." Delta (Liverpool).-Your Deltoid muscle is not a risible one.
SANDY MCPHUN cannot mak' any phun that we care about.
X. L.-Your joke would be X. L.-lent if you had not borrowed it. AT THE CAMP.
REFLECTOR. -A chap-we don't understand.
JACOB SCUD.-We can't find room for your ruminations, for you have It's pleasant to get from the dust of the City
been chewing someone else's (8)cud of sweet and bitter fancy. Those“ little That smothers the Park in the dnys of July;
bills all over dew" which you take up as your own have been accepted as an Though WHALLEY be tuneful and OSBORNE be witty,
old joko long since.
A. B. (Manchester-streets)--Must look at our rules. We do not return
M.S. save under the circumstances mentioned.
L. Y. (Post-office, Edgware-road.)-Your “Popular Parodies” are to
hand, but “Sham Complexion" was done long ago in “The Elixir of Love" And our Belgian friends a tremendons ovation
at the St. James's. We'll give, till the Camp 'mid the glad demonstration
Her A-DORA.—The only mystery we can see in the case is the lady's Is brighter with banners than meadows in May.
friends suffering such twaddle. We see no mystery about the dramatist's
J. G. A. (Swindon.)-Thanks.
S. H. (Post-office, Croydon) has done one of the funniest things we have
met with of late. He writes that he "forwards the enclosed in hopes of O'er ravishing bottines the nicest and neatest,
insertion; any reply can be addressed to S. H., Post-office, Croydon." The Our “Running Deer” now has a charm the completest
enclosure is, “Dear Sir, I forward the enclosed in hopes of its being inserted At Wimbledon Camp in the year Sixty-seven.
in your paper. Any reply can be addressed to S. D., Post-office, Croydon." The dates and handwritings are identical, but the second letter is addressed
to the editor of a contemporary, who no doubt received the joke in dupliAn Excuse.
cate! PROFESSOR BEESLEY has written to the papers trying to explain
R. B. W.-MS. awaits you at the office. away the impression conveyed in his speech about the Sheffield out
“Hair! HAIR! HAIR!"—Wants cutting considerably. rages. When we remember at what college he was educated, we can
GEORGE.—That joke, by George, won't do at all! quite understand that he occasionally is guilty of what Dundreary
G. S. (Crewkerne). -We cannot lend ourselves to your local squabbles.
Declined with thanks :-M. A. L. R.; W. P.; S. M.; Veritas ; Billy; would call a little senseless Wadham-ontade.
F. M., Sheffield; J. H. G., Putney; W. Brussels; W. Stoke; F. G. Č.,
W. G. S., Stanley-street; Vinegar Works; J. H., P- ; s. W. L.,
Wallbrook; H. E., Islington; W. T. Lythan; P. W.; A. H. Donnington; Wuensa man is as "cool as a cucumber,” may he be said to be in A. C. Alloa ; A. J., Mark-lane; J. C. P.; A. B. C. ; Sarah Ann, Minoa cucumber-frame of mind ?
ries ; R. V.'S.; Rich-berd Robins-son; Fox-dog; W. A. B.; C. Mc., Liverpool; A Student; E. S., Bridgewater; Poste Restante; J. H. N.;
J. B. W., Spalding; G. R. G., St. Andrews; A Poor Spinster; X. X. X.; MOTTO POR THE MONEY-BOXES AT OUR HOSPITALS.—“When you're C. J. C., Birkenhead; A Punster ; Bill Brown ; Bonne Femme; Qualipassing my way-drop in."
fied ; E. C., Bedford-row.
THE CUT DIRECT.ED. Elevated Being :-" Zıs'war T'LILL' DROPT'N ?"
Matron :-"Y88, BIR; STRAIGHT ON A8 EVER YOU CAN GO. E. B. (musingly) :—"; STRAI'ONZBV'BICANGO! THA'S NOT SAYIN' MU8H."
A night for Islington's "kick-up,"
Where all the world is going ; A night with E. T. Smith to sup,
Where Tamesis is flowing. A gorgeous day on Sydenham Height,
With songs and ice in mountains. And then a long delicious night,
Illuminated fountains !
Since all the guests have landed,
Alone or single-handed.
Most fascinating fetter-
There's nothing suits me better!
URBS REDIVIVA. OLD London is alive again,
Or will be by to-morrow, From courtly cups we quaff champagne,
Instead of sups of sorrow. If folks don't care for midnight hours
Or headaches—more's the pity, Belgravia scatters fruit and dow'rs
And calipash the City. The plan to give guests bed and board
Was found a difficult 'un;
A palace shields the Sultan.
All spruce and in high feather, We've found some cosy beds for some,
While some sleep on the heather. From day-dawn till the night is dark,
No time for care I'm thinking, To-day a feed in Windsor Park,
To-morrow lots of drinking. The next day off to Highgate-hill,
Where waits the Lodge's lady,
Their time in gardens shady.
Its forges and its stewings;
And nautical reviewings.
And "tramp o'er moss and fell, oh!” An opera visit
paid in state, To witness Masaniello.
Queue-ery! WABN is a forcing-frame like a pigtail that always gets in your way ?-When it's a-queue-cumbering you. N.B. This joke, raised from a frame, is naturally a little forced.
NOTICE.-Now ready, price 1s, and may be obtained at the Fun Office, Lacy's Theatrical Warehouse, and all booksellers,
OR, THE INJUN BRIDE AND THE INJURED WIFE. A Burlesque by H. J. Pyron, W.S. Gilbert, T. Hood, H. S. Leigh, Arthur Sketchley,
and "Nicholas." Performed at Theatre Royal Haymarket, on Saturday, July 6th. N.B.-The proceeds of the sale will be added to the Fund for the benefit of the widowed mother of the late Paul Gray.
ondon :-Printed by JUDD & GLASS, Pbænix Works, St. Andrew's Hill, Doetors' Commons, and Published (for the Proprietor) by W. ALDER, at 80, Fleet-street, E.C.
July 20, 1867.
THE HUNGRY BRIGADE.
Riding to town slow,
Regiments to Hounslow.
Ride for your loaves, he said.
Regiments to Hounslow.
Somers had blunder'd.
Wretched six hundred !
Not a man plunder'd.
Stroll'd the six hundred!
Who could have wonder'd ?
Pall Mall and Horse Guards!
All who have blunder'd,
Not the six hundred !
Not a soul wondered ;
Wretched six hundred !
THE BELGIAN RECEPTION. It is pleasant to reflect, when one remembers how very badly matters have been managed generally during their stay, that our Belgian friends must have been flattered by their visit to the Alhambra, where, as they supposed, real Cavalry Colonels had been expressly engaged to receive them !
FROM OUR STALL.
treat-should not, in the Year of Grace 1867, allude to the press-gang A DOMESTIC drama from the pen of Mr. Henry Farnie has been and the Morning Chronicle as existing facts. The performance of the brought out at the Strand. The piece-by name Reverses—is in two Critic at the Olympic is, on the whole, satisfactory; but is it quite fair acts ; neatly written, and well constructed as far as the plot goes— to put SHERIDAN at the end of the bill and play people out with him ? which is not very far. Three or four of the sentences are quite MR. Horace WIGAN was the Sneer, Mr. CLAYTON the Dangle. Messrs. epigrammatic, and three or four epigrams form a very fair allowance for D. Murray, Vincent, and Montague, played the leading parts in the a domestic drama nowadays. MR. EMERY, M188 ADA SWANBOROUGH, tragedy; and Miss Farken fell in love-went mad—and wore the and Mirs E. JOHNSTONE are the principal performers in Reverses. MR prettiest imaginable dresses—as Tilburina. Emery is powerful, but coarse; his character is a brutal one, but he Miss M. OLIVER, who has persevered through two long and laborious exaggerates its brutality to a painful pitch. We dislike making personal parts for the last eight or nine months, has at last found it necessary allusions, but M188 ADA SWANBOROUGH must allow us to suggest that to yield her part in Meg's Diversions to M188 Carlotta Addison, and the enormous chignon which becomes her 80 admirably in the first act we feel sure that Miss Oliver is too firmly established in her position is utterly out of place in the second. Chignon, perhaps, is not the term as a foremost London favourite to feel that we pass any slight upon to apply to a head of hair which we have reason to believe natural; her when we say that the piece has neither benefited nor suffered by but the exuberance of locks which befits a drawing-room is rather too the substitution. Mi88 ADDISON plays the part in every respect as showy for a poverty-stricken cottage. Apart from this trifling in- well as Miss OLIVER—she does not play it better, because it would be congruity, the lady's performance is charming. Miss Eliza John. simply impossible for anyone to do that. Miss CARLOTTA ADDISON is STONB plays admirably as a stilted and Pharisaical companion;" and rapidly rising to an important place in her profession, and we venture MR. F. Robson-who reminds us more and more of his father every to predict that she will, before many months have passed over her time we look at him-throws plenty of humour into the part of a head, take a leading position in it. There is a fund of quiet fun in her servant. The first scene of the piece is very nicely set. Mr. Byron's comedy, and of deep, earnest feeling in her pathetic situations—a comFra Diavolo has been revived at this theatre, and follows the new bination which is rare indeed, nowadays. Miss OLIVER has it, Miss drama.
Nelly Moore has it, M188 Marie Wilton has it (as all who saw her We never grow tired of the Critic, though the satire of it is mostly play in the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet, at the Strand, some inapplicable to present theatrical circumstances. The breed of tragic years since, must admit), and M188 CARLOTTA Addison has it-and authors, like that of spotted dogs, is rapidly becoming extinct; and who besides? few people have taken the trouble to read any of the precious productions that passed for tragedy in the days of Sheridan. But the wit of the first scene remains as fresh as ever when a few judicious altera
“ COMMON" SEN8B.—What Sir T. M. Wilson is not troubled tions in the text have been made. By the way, MR. CHAKLES with. Mathews—whose doubling of Puff and Sir Fretful Plagiary is a real Tus STRAIGHT TIP POK FARMERS.— Tip-Tree Hall.