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MRS. BROWN AND THE EGGS.
'em bein' a-readin'. But he never paid a farthin' through it bein' I'ADN'I been over the door, as the sayin' is, for more than three agin the laws for to ’ave them things on the pavement at all.
I went into a baker's shop as were close by, and a very civil woman weeks, and thought as the air were that balmy as I'd take a turn, not she was, as did the best she could in wipin' of me down, as told me as ever I trusts them mild days in March, as is not to be trusted, as that old rascal of a cheesemonger was a downright bad’un, and 'ad comes in like a lion o' pork and goes out like a quarter of lamb, as I turned his young wife, as ’ad been fool enough to marry 'im, out of remember did used to be said ; though I ’ave heerd say as arter illness doors, and would’ave left 'er to starve but for the parish as interfered. in spring you didn't ought to go out afore you can put your foot on six daisies at once, as I'm sure you can't do nowhere near London now, feller.” He says, ** 'Ave you got any witnesses ?" I says,
I was that savage that I says to BROWN “I'll ’ave the law of that
« That through the pavin’-stones as covers the place ; but, law, if you waits young man and the lady as lives opposite as was lookin' out of 'er for them things you'll never get out at all. So I dresses myself warm, parler winder.” and out I goes, and called in at Mrs. CHANDLIS, as only lives round “Well," he says, “do as you like, but I don't like law myself.” the corner, for to speak about the milk, as was what I call reg'lar sky- Says I“ No, more don't I, but,” I says, “one can't stand to be trod blue; but, bless you, she were as short as pie-crust, as the sayin' is, under foot by cheesemongers.” “Well,” he says, “ do as you please.” and says, “If you don't like the milk as I sends get it else
I don't know as I should 'ave took no further steps about it, for I wheres."
sent my cape to be cleaned, as wasn't much 'urt, and the gownd as I'd So I says, “Mrs. CHANDLIS, it's 'igh time as you give up a milk- got on wasn't of no great walue, but about ten days arter I was walk and kep' your carriage, as can't speak çivil to a customer, for a-walkin' past that shop and if the boy didn't holler out “There she though it is only ’arf a pint in the mornin' and a haporth of a arter- goes. Who stole the bacon ?” a-jeerin'at me. noon, with a little extra now and then for a puddin', it's not to be So I turns back and goes into the shop and there was that old despised, for we all knows as the sea itself is only made up of drops," wagerbone as was that bad with the gout as he couldn't move, a-settin' I says ; " and as to your eggs, there was three musty and one down, there a-grinnin' like a Cheshire cheese, as the sayin' is. right addled ; 80," I says, "you do not ought to talk, for we've 'ad
So I says, “I ain't thought it worth my while for to make you pay more milk lately, through Mrs. MUGGRIDGE a-stoppin', and 'avin' 'ad for them clothes as you spilte with your rotten eggs, but as you sets two or three to tea.” Not as I means to go on like this, for a spare that boy on to insult me now I will be down on you.' He says, “Get! room is a down-right nuisance, and’ave it no more I won't. Not as I out of my shop, you old bladder of lard, or," he says, “I'll give you wants to move, though the drains is downright pison at times, and I one for yourself with the butter spatters." don't fancy the 'ouse somehow, yet, bein' our own, don't like to part I says, “I ain't a-goin' to waste no breath on such a low-lived with it. Well, Mrs. CHANDLIS, she said somethin' about a grumblin' old fool, and crosses the road for to call on the lady as lives oppersite as 'ad
party, but,” I says, "you shall 'ear from my lawyer," and out I walks and walks into 'er back parler; so I thought as I were out, I'd look been a watchin' through the winder the day as I fell into the eggs. out for a fresh egg myself, and walks down the road to where the She come to the door'erself and says, " What is it?". shops is. I come to a cheesemonger's where there was chests of eggs I say's “What's what ?" "Why,” she says, "your business." put out with eighteen and twenty a shillin' marked.
"Well,” I says, “my business is to ask you for to speak up as to I says, "They must be rubbish ; but,” I says, "'ave you got any what you see about a fortnight ago; when I was treated shameful fresh ?" The young man, he says, “There's beauties at twelve a shil. and knocked back'ards into a box of eggs by that old thief of a cheeseling, new laid. “Ah," I says, “ with a chicken in 'em no doubt."
monger oppersite." Ho turns away for to speak to another customer, and I takes up a “Oh," she says, “ you're the old woman, are you, as was that disegg in my 'and for to look at it, when a feller inside the shop hollers graceful intosticated as was downright scandalous, and made all the out to me, “Put them eggs down, none of that.” “None of what ?" row oppersite, as did ought to be ashamed of yourself ?" says I. “None of your purloinin' ways 'ere.”
I was that took a-back as I didn't know what to say, and afore I I says, “You're a insultin' blackguard. Who's a purloinin' your could get my breath she slammed the door in my face. I see the good eggs? as wouldn't be worth stealin'; as is a rotten lot, any one can lady at the bakers as 'ad been that civil, a-beckonin' to me and went. see with 'arf a eye." Out he comes a bustlin', and says, “Now you across. walk on; you're sent here by my wixen of a wife to annoy me.' “Law," she says, "why ever did you go there ? “Why," I says,
I says, “Me sent by your wife? Why, I never set eyes on your "I see 'er a-watchin' everythink as 'appened the week afore last, and wife, nor you neither, afore." He says, “I knows better; you're the wanted 'er for a witness, as I means to 'ave the law agin that old old woman where she lodges."
feller.” “ Law," she says, “ that's Mrs. WINDUs the publican's widder I says, “ Me a' old woman; you must be a born fool, as well as a' as 'as caused all the words atween old HASELwood and 'is wife, for she insultin' blackguard, to talk like that. I don't let no lodgin's to the wanted to 'ave’im 'erself. So," she says, "you did go and wake up likes of your wife; as must be a beauty if she's anythink like 'er husband.” “ Now," he says, “I won't 'ave you a-comin' 'ere, so walk;"
the wrong passenger, as the sayin' is."
I says “I'll wake 'em all up afore I'm done, and they shall rue the and if he didn't take and give me a shove.
day as they ever insulted me that gross, for to dare to say as I was Well, I'm a 'ot temper when provoked, so turns round sudden and intosticated." She says, “I can swear, mum, as you was as sober as fetched 'im a good swipe across the legs with my umbreller, as come
a judge, and will do so with pleasure anytime.". down pretty sharp on 'is foot, as were a gouty one, with the shoe all
I says, “So you shall," and wishes 'er a good day and 'ome I goes, cut, as I didn't see afore. The roar as he give lions was a fool to, and a-wowin' wengeance agin that old Haselwood and the widder too, as he give me a wiolent back'ander in the chest, as knocked me backards is a foul-mouthed couple, and did ought to be 'ung by the 'eels to slap into that chest of eggs. I heard 'em a-crackin' and 2-crashin' teach 'em not to be a-lyin' and a-slanderin' as is ways I don't ’old under me, and the more as I struggled to get up, in course, the more | with and never gives in to. they broke. There was that young shopman and a boy a-laughin' like mad, and couldn't pull me up; and that old cheesemonger a-stampin' and swearin' like mad.
The Poet " Bartholomew." I thought as my back was broke through a-comin' with that force agin the division as there is in them egg-chests; I give another
Since the publication of the celebrated Sultan's Ode, lately sung on struggle and if I didn't slip chest and all on to the pavement, and if it the occasion of the State visit to the Opera, LORD DERBY has been 'adn't been for two ladies as pulled at me with all their strength, I inundated with letters recommending MR. BARTHOLOMBw for the next don't know where I might not ’ave gone to.
Civil Pension. Says that cheesemonger, “Oh, you wile old ’ussy, you did it for the
The author of the lines :purpose." "Did it for the purpose,” says them ladies, " and ruin a
“0, may thou continue great, beautiful welwet cape like this,” as was covered with 'is beastly eggs.
of thy nation's love secure, I says, “ Ladies, don't say a word to the old reprobate as I'll punish.”
On thee may all blessings wait,
And remain for ever sure!" He says, “I've sent for a policeman.” I says, “ Ave you, I'm glad
“God of all glory, Well, up come the police as said he didn't see the assault, and
Power and renown, couldn't do nothink. I says, “Of course you can't, policeman, but I
Grant he before Thee can and will too, for I knows the law as you ain't no right for to go
May still wear a crown." a-layin' your eggs all over the pavement like this, and I'll make you will surely not be forgotten when the next promotion is made to the pay for it as sure as eggs is eggs.” For I know'd it well, through a regiment in which Close and the Orange Poet have so worthily served. fust cousin of mine as was a-walkin' through by London-road with a clump foot, and was that unmanageable as he kicked over a preambu
An Inci-dental Allusion. lator and two children into a lot of crockery as was spread all over the pavement, and a pretty smash it was, and a mercy as the children When did HAMLET intimate that he should be armed to the teeth ? wasn't smashed as well, through the drab of a gal as was a-driyin' of When he said, “I will speak daggers.”
THE SULTAN AT SYDENHAM.
This rendered impossible the usual promenade, and caused an immeThe gathering at Sydenham to see the Sultan or the fireworks, or diate push for the doors, and then commenced a scene of the wildest both, was a wonderful sight, and must have brought grist to the mill confusion! The enormous number of carriages rendered it almost of the People's Palace, since it was a day on which season-ticket- impossible for those who had vehicles, to find them; quite impossible holders even had to pay for admission. The weather behaved very for those who had not, to procure them. Inextricable confusion and queerly in the morning, but it cleared off towards evening, so that lamentable delay were the results, and we fear many a lady will owa Beauty could display her rarest toilette, though not without occasional a severe illness to this long wait on a cold and dampish evening on the imploring glances at the doubtful sky.
brow of Sydenham-bill. The confusion and delay were chiefly due The SULTAN, with the composure of a despotic potentate, kept every to the inefficiency and bungling of the police. Anything more disbody waiting about three hours beyond the appointed time; and the graceful than thë blundering stupidity which characterised the whole crush inside the Palace was tremendous. As the crowd was a well- of the police arrangements we never saw. dressed crowd, with a large proportion of ladies, we need hardly say Within the Palace, the constables were in every place where they that it squeezed and pushed, and behaved with more than ordinary ill- were not wanted; without the Palace, they were not in any place where temper and rudeness. Very few, comparatively, listened to the con- they were wanted. Inside, if there was a narrow passage or a difficert-indeed, the noise and stir of so large a concourse rendered it an cult corner, there you were sure to find one or two burly fellows impossibility to hear the music.
blocking up space, but not assisting the traffic; and this was specially The Royal party entered the Palace viđ the ruins—an arrangement the case at the doors, which the departing, crowd found beset with to which the Cristal Palace Company is probably indebted for its gift grinning policemen incapable of giving either information or aid. of one thousand pounds. It was rather hard upon those who had paid Outside, there was scurrying to and fro of mounted police, and much for a peep at the Sultan that barriers were erected cutting off the gesticulation and purposeless running about of men on foot, all giving whole of the space from the first courts to the ruins; for standing different orders, and all leaving the one thing which alone could ground was terribly limited in consequence, nor was that all! When really dissipate the assemblage—the calling of carriages—to loafers the Royal party arrived they turned aside into the courts when so far and boys. The police idea of getting the crowd cleared off seemed to off that not a third of those present obtained more than a glance of a consist, first, in trying to prevent people from getting into their carred fez, or of the powdered heads of the Prince's footmen.
riages when found; and, second, in preventing their driving off when The Royal Visitors proceeded to the Royal box, the ante-room of they were in them. We may also add that in too many instances the which was, if possible, more charmingly decorated than at the time of "active and intelligent officer” treated ladies who were compelled to the Restoration Concert, although we cannot speak of our own know. wait by the road-side for their carriages, as it is his delight to treat ledge. We had the requisite authority to view the decorations, but the unhappy creatures who people Regent-street after nightfall. Any were stopped by the ignorant obstinacy of the usual Sergeant of the foreigner who happened to be detained (as every one was) for a half. A Division.
hour or 80 outside the Palace, must have been rather startled to find The concert over, the Sultan took his place in the gallery over that the chief characteristics of our much-lauded civil force are ignolooking the gardens, an l as soon as such darkness as a most brilliant rance, insolence, and brutality. moon would permit, set in, there was a most magnificent display of As we are in the mood for candour, we will close with a hint to the fireworks. In number and novelty the pyrotechnics surpassed any- Crystal Palace authorities. The British public is a much-enduring thing that has hitherto been done at Sydenham.
one, but it does not forget any apparent impositions played on it. We Unfortunately, when the fireworks were over, and the public ro- doubt if it be good policy to run the reserved-seats system too hard. entered the Palace, it was found that the chairs placed in the body of When BULL, after paying the price demanded for admission, finds all the building for the concert-reserved-seats had not been removed. I the best places railed off, and further pulls made upon his pocket for
THE LAST LOOK.
When joys have slipp'd one;
For thoughts that hipp'd one.
For Clara Luna ;
Degraded spoon, ah!
Four greys! a carriage!
By Jove, a marriage !
When full of fun, for
Is really done for!
And gloss of satin.
Your pipe put that in.
Maids fill the rumble.
Your servant humble ?
But often wary,
There's her canary!
the privilege of seeing that for a sight of which he has paid at the
Answers to Correspondents. door, he is apt to grumble; he is not very demonstrative, but he grumbles—and doesn't come again. The system has further disadvantages— waiters and such persons imitate it, and have established a panied by a stamped and directed envelope.]
(We cannot return rejected MSS. or sketches unless they are aoconsort of reserved-seat system of their own, letting out chairs at prices
E. R. W. saya, "If you think the enclosed worthy of insertion please which would make a concessionaire at the Paris Exhibition sigh. And the evil does not end here people who let out chairs in this way
fall do so, and oblige yours, &c.” Unfortunately, we don't do so.
SMALLBOY ought to feel very little, into a way of thinking that everything must be paid for, and have to
A. W. (Silkstone).—It is coal'd comfort to tell you your MS. is screened be bribed into mere civility. We wish so well to the Crystal Palace from observation. that we cannot help speaking plainly on these points, and we have po W. H.-The ideas are comic, but the execution is downright murder. often expressed our hopes for its success that our motives in speaking 0. D. V. (Broadwioch).-Your acrostic is not a Co(8)n-ac-cepted. cannot be questioned.
L. D. Le MAN8.—You can send a sketch if you like.
EYEGLAE 6. - Your communication is illegible, even with the aid of a
microscope. A LADY having given MR. SPURGEON £20,000 for a charitable C. F. H. S. (Isle of Ely). Your course was quite correct, but we have purpose, has since sold her plate for the same effort. SPURGBON says, no opening for the article, being fully supplied. she's sets an example to those who have surplus and unused gold and
BULLDOG.-In that line we are catered for already. silver which ought to be put to better use.' How about people with
W. H. R. (Talke.) - Your Talkey-talkee is not original. superfluous brass ? and to whom do they set an example ?
A LOOKER-ON probably sees most the game he is after, we suppose, for we can't see his drift at all.
J. E. P. (Kilburn.)–Parody good—but can't be inserted for obvious A Quotation Slightly Altered. (Submitted with the most profound disgust to the frequenters of A PORTUGUESE has already been answered. BROADHEAD's tavern.)
Declined with thanks :- Etah; D. Q.; C, S., Notting-bill; G. D, E. P.; “Know ye the land where the BROADHEAD and T URTELL
W. R. S.; G. R. J.; J. Y., Lamb's Conduit-street; H. C., Erith; T. N.,
Liverpool; J. F. C., Glasgow; J. B., Newcastle-on-Tyné; C. W., Hol. Are emblems of deeds that are done in the clime?"
loway; H. B., Ashford; C. T., Guernsey ; X. U. Y.; H. B., Kensing
ton; Sultan; Mr. R., Now Broad-street; Aladdin; F. W. F., Bristol ; What is It?
E. W. F., Cambridge; F. H.; Civis; Joss; T. S. D., Cheapside; W. P.; A GERANIUM at the Brighton Flower Show is thus described : “ The Mensmang, Aberdeen; Slippery Sam; c. H. M.; H. C.; Rismenzi
Sigma; A. B. C.; W. T. R.; J. T., Birmingham; H. P., Bradford, Gathorne Hardy, a new flower, being something between a rose and a Ineszita ; 'B. 06,569, Manchester ; J. R., Rotherhithe; G. Modderst ; cherry." We can conceive there being a very great many things that F. A. F., Senforth; G. F. S., Eversholt-street; F. H. N., Laurel-grove, are between a rose and a cherry-small pumpkins for instance. Penge; R. S. C., Euston-road.
THE NAVAL REVIEW. There are some things we can't have enough of ;
“ Da capo," of them is our cry;
With only one laste, just to try..
That “ once in a lifetimne" will do-
A trip to a Naval Review !
You dress and rush off to the train,
So you fast while you hasten amain.
A wearisome journey, say you,
The thought of the Naval Roview.
For fear of your missing the treat-
The fact-you want something to eat.
Of course, there's a mess for the crew,
Thus bound for the Naval Review,
A bit of a snack by the way-
And wishing 'twere finer to-day-
But isn't:—your ship is a screw!
And sick of the Naval Review.
They tell you that that is the fleet:
To think it's a very great treat.
You're gazing, your telescope through,
And that is the Naval Review !
Why does a man with a wooden leg limp ?-Because he's hobbly-gaited.
OUR LIBRARY TABLE.
rhymes are true ones, and her lines musical. It is becanse they are so
musical, indeed, that our attention is the more attracted when she falls The Story of Doom (LONGMANE, GRBEN, and Co.), by M188 JBAN INOB- into the error of making. "fire" and "hour" dissyllables. When she Low, is a more lofty and sustained essay in the regions of poetry than she has resolved to avoid this, and the repetition of some pet phrases-a has hitherto attempted. It is welcome as a sign of growing powers "sea-bight" for instance--the author of “Gladys and her Island” and a ripening reputation. It abounds in passages of exquisite fancy will have taken her stand indisputably among the long grasses and and happily-expressed thoughts. The story is the story of the Deluge, sweet thyme on the goodly mount—"It is the ħill Parnassus." and is woven-up of three interests—the human, as shown in the love THE CHARLES DICKENS" edition of the works of Boz, published of Jarket and AMARANTH; the Divine, in Noah's mission and his by M888Rs. CHAPMAN and Hall, has reached its second volumewrestlings with it; and the supernatural, in the imaginative treatment Martin Chuzzlewit. Who will not be glad to meet Pecksniff again, of the old serpent and the diabolical machinery. This last element is, and to wander with Mark Tapley in the city of Eden- or, best of all, perbaps, the most difficult to manage :- it is not the least successful to drink fair with Sairey Gamp once more ? It is like living one's part, however, of M188 INGBLOW's poem. In only one passage can we youth over again to re-peruse such a book as this. remember her making a mistake in its treatment—the passage in which, when the evil spirits seek an interview with the snake :
To be taken on Trust.
“ COMM BRCE and Liberty," says the Lord Mayor at the Guildhall This, it seems to us, is either making them rulers of Nature, or is Banquet to the Belgian Volunteers," are the watch words of the making her their accomplice. To make thunder an ovil power instead day:" A West-end tailor writes to us to say that so far as his exof a heavenly phenomenon is scarcely worthy of poetry. The language perience goes, the watchword of the present generation is— Tick ! is at times a little grating, owing to the studied introduction of archaisms and biblical expressions, such as, “Well is thee!" How NOTICE.—Now ready, price 18, and may be obtained at the Fux Office, Lacy's far M189 INGELOW's liberties with the character of MBTHUSELAI are Theatrical Warehouse, and all booksellers, warranted we cannot say, but they are calculated to startle even DR. COLENDO.
ROBINSON CRUSOE; Of the other poems in the volume, “Gladys and her Island" is far
OR, THE INJUN BRIDE AND THE INJURED WIPE. the finest. The "moral" reminds us of MRS. BROWNING, and shows A Burlesque by H. J. Byron, W.S. Gilbert, T. Hood, H. S. Leigh, Arthur Sketchley, flashes of a keen humour that is unusual in women. “ Remonstrance'
and “ Nicholas." is a gem of the purest water; and “Songs of the Voices of the Birds"
Performed at Theatre Royal Haymarket, on Saturday, July 6th. are full of beauty.
N.B.--The proceeds of the sale will be added to the Fund for the benefit of th Wo are glad to record that with scarcely an exception Miss INGELOW'S widowed mother of the lato Paul Gray.
London : Printed by JUDD & GLASS, Phænix Works, St. Andrews Hiu, Doctors' Commons, and Published (for the Proprietor) by W. ALDER, at 80, Fleet-stroom B.C.
July 27, 1967.
Who sang to us in sharps and flats,
My Parky. Let MEYER, HENSELT, RUBINSTEIN, And Liszt and THALBERG all combineThey've not a better touch than thine,
What a jingling and a tingling
Of the bells, bells, bells, bells ;
Of the tip-top swells !
What a rushing
And a crushing
To the portals
Near a fashionable square.
The whole of the congregation Rather impressed, and quite
inclined For something nice (of the Gunter kind)
In the way of a cold collation. Speeches-crackers—and sobs and sighs—
And a carriage and pair to Dover;
And the little affair is over.
"Not so Black," Etc. A LECTURE ON " Jamaica and the Late Outbreak” has been, so tho Star reports, delivered at King-street Hall, Long-acre, by a Negro, G. W. CLARKE by name. This “black gentleman" is reported to have described "with some piquancy” his own seizure and the Provost's “un-English " conduct. Of course our friend in the dark was anxious to give the whites a touch with the tarring brush. to bring his hearers to a similarity of view, or of hue, with himself. But we must be allowed to consider his statements as coloured ones.
The South-Western Serenaders. We observe that those well-known public entertainers, the Directors of the South-Western Railway, took the opportunity of the Review at Wimbledon for a display of their unpopular divertissement- a breakdown-which they performed with their usual aplomb. The spectacle was viewed by hundreds who were supplied with tickets—in the shape of the haives of return tickets to town, which were of no use for the purpose for which they were intended, but admitted their bearers to see the break-down.
A PRINCE OF Good Fellahs.—The Viceroy.