E are rapidly approaching that bourne from which every traveller sets out for his or her autumn trip. The park is thinning. The opera is closing. The Houses of Parliament will shortly put up their figurative shutters, and the dead season will begin. Well, we have had quite a surfeit of novelty, pleasure and excitement in the last few days. So let us, by all means, have the meditation and quiet of the blank season for reflection. We have one or two things to reflect upon. We may recall to memory the greediness and snobbishness of our Corporation, as exemplified, imprimis, by the spectacle of gorging Common Councilmen and hungry guests at the Belgian reception. Then we may chew the cud of bitter fancy at the utter breakdown of our boasted police-system before the least extra pressure of an unusual kind, as was shown on every possible occasion during the last fortnight or so. The City police, whom SIR RICHARD MAYNE treated so ungenerously at the time of the arrival of the PRINCESS OF WALES, are avenged. Scotland-yard, which was so nearly swallowing them bodily, has "bust up," like the veriest bubble that ever registered itself as a joint-stock company. In the last place, we may dwell, with what admiration he deserves, on the "rough" who has so distinguished himself of late. I mean not only the Whitechapel rough, or the rough of Seven Dials. I mean the rough who wears cheap gloves and a low-crowned hat; who carries a sixpenny cane, and smokes a three-halfpenny cuba; who makes it impossible for a woman to walk out alone, and renders it unsafe for her to travel by rail by herself. It is this rough who, by example, encourages the rough in corduroy, until the result is the disgraceful scene that took place at Wimbledon after the SULTAN's review. And here permit me to take off my hat and make a low bow to LORD GRANVILLE. His minute and a-half's set-to with the ruffian he polished off so nicely has cleared the atmosphere considerably. Nobody can chaff our hereditary aristocracy very happily while the memory of that "onetwo" of his lordship's survives. There can't be very much wrongthere can be very little decay and deterioration-when a nobleman, who was well, considerably more than one-and-twenty on his last birthday-can polish off a man as briskly as if he had but yesterday quitted Eton, and was fresh from practice on the copora vilia of bargees. If anything more is wanted to bring back the, of late, somewhat departed lustre of our peers, it will be found in the polished and splendid speeches which have marked the progress of the Reform Bill through the Upper House. The old boys can talk like the scholars and orators of the past, though they are a little inclined to sleep on their fame.

THE TICHBORNE case which has for some time past been winding its slow length like a wounded snake along, has latterly raised a collateral issue or two. Not the least interesting side-case was the application touching the publication of some of the affidavits by several daily and weekly journals, with comments upon them in anticipation of the trial. The course was certainly unusual, and more than questionable. It is impossible to avoid a suspicion that this was nothing less than an attempt to influence a case while it was yet sub judice. Rumour assigns the origin of the esclandre to a writer who has more than once figured in similar transactions in the Times and the Cornhill, and who has been distinguished rather for brilliance and boldness than for accuracy and impartiality. But I don't blame him so much as the editor who allowed him to play his fantastic tricks to the injury of the paper's credit.

I SUPPOSE we shall hear no more about the expenses of the ball at the India House. Somehow, whenever a very flagrant bit of jobbery or injustice crops up, it is sure to be spirited away with a rapidity that would make ROBIN sigh with envy. But is it not a shame that the Indian revenues should be taxed for this very agreeable entertainment of a select few? Why should a people which has nothing in eommon with Turkey-whose race and religion are indeed inimical and opposed to those of the SULTAN-be called upon to bleed-by which I mean shed their shillings-for that potentate? It is one of the very clearest cases of putting the saddle on the wrong horse that it has ever been my fate to meet with.

FATHER IGNATIUS, or rather the young gentleman who masquerades under that title, has been expressing himself about the reception of the SULTAN. He was pleased to consider it abominable that the bells of

Christian churches should ring a welcome to a heathen monarch. The young gentleman, in my humble opinion, is talking nonsense-but that doesn't surprise any one. There is no reason why the bells should not peal for a distinguished Royal visitor as well as for a successful election or the news of a victory. A peal of bells can scarcely be looked upon as a religious ceremony. An objection to the investiture of the Garter in the SULTAN's case would have some foundation of sense, or a logical person might with sufficient show of reason press the question how far the Christian Times carried out its programme by giving a portrait of the SULTAN, who is not quite one's beau-ideal of a representative "clergyman of the Christian Church," such as the C. T. promised at its outset to present to its readers.

MR. H. J. MONTAGUE, who is, beyond doubt, one of the best jeunes premiers on the stage, and who shows promise of yet better things, takes his benefit to-day at the Olympic. The bill of fare is a tempting one indeed:-A new comedy, the Liar, Cool as a Cucumber, the last act of the Critic, and the farce of the Trumpeter's Daughter. If that does not satisfy a playgoer of more than ordinary assimilative powers, don't know what will. I can only say I hope the public will liberally support so earnest and conscientious an actor as MR. MONTAGUE always shows himself to be.

MR. CHARLES WATKINS, of the firm of J. AND C. WATKINS, of Parliament-street, has opened a studio at 40, Charing-cross, and is about to start in business alone. I have seen some sample cartes which are turned out with taste, and will, I doubt not, secure extensive patronage for a business conducted by a photographer of such long practical experience.

DOUBLE ACROSTIC.

No. 21.

'Tis strange how a prelate in ages gone by, Can rule by his birthday the smiles of the sky; Can give us fine weather or quite the reverse, With promise for forty days after of worse.

1.

I thought myself a happy man,

For she was such a lovely creature, And never since the world began Was greater excellence of feature. An economic habit too,

She had, and did it most divinely; 'Twas pleasant when I went to woo, To see it executed finely.

2.

I went straight down upon my knees, And dusty was the Brussels carpet, said, will you be something, please, For dear to me you surely are, pet:

3.

She granted all I asked, and then,
I wish'd my own canoe I'd paddled;
She hadn't one of these and when

I tried her brains I found them addled. 4.

An appetite for these she had,
And ate them fast in every season;
5.

Her base restrictions drove me mad, Just one at night's not out of reason. 6.

Her hair as every one confessed,
E'en to this day in colour this is;
7.

But what I like about her best,
Is what accompanies her kisses.

SPORTING INTELLIGENCE.

THE ORIENTAL REPOSITORY (LIMITED), HORSELAYDOWN. NICHOLAS ON A BROTHER PROPHET.

CHOR-1-US AND CURIOUS.

Sta, A good song should always have a chorus. Unfortunately, most choruses-the sing-able ones, at least-have no meaning what

nous avons changé tout cela, as we French scholars say--and when I say nous, I mean myself, "I alone did it, boy!"-meaning, without any disrespect, that the author of the following "Song-and-chorus " is-Your obedient servant, VACUUS VIATOR.

And yet, Gentlemen, after all it is not much as ye have lost thereby. The prophetic instinct of the Old Man is still in good form, and equal to any other sportive writer of the age, bar none;-but there are things. Gentlemen, with which not even NICHOLAS can always be familiar. I know a horse-in point of fact, of course, says you, I know a many horses-but what I mean is that I know a horse when I see one, and can give you a fair and a valuable opinion on his merits. But, Sir, with all my intimate knowledge of the human heart, I will not pretend to say off-hand whether or no that horse's owner is a swindler. All I will say is, that in nine cases out of ten the odds against such being the case are by no means the VICEROY OF EGYPT's cash-box to a bad fourpenny-bit.

No, Gentlemen--it is the owners, and the trainers, and the jockeys that one has now to study; and at times I get so sick of this wicked world, especially after dropping a little of the ready on a favourite, that I feel inclined to retire altogether from the pollooted Turf.

If me and the Admiral really was to do so, farewell the racing glory of old England!

Before resolving, however, on a step which might impoverish hundreds of families, not to speak of bringing down the National Funds, NICHOLAS will introduce ye all to a racing prophet of the new school.

This is MR. RICHARD WOOD, which he is obviously a scholar and a gentleman, for he have a crest; and a very rum crest, too. Around a lion's head, as is grinning on the top of a crown-by which I mean not five bob, but a diadem-there is this here remarkable inscription, "Deus mihi soi."

Well, Sir, I thought as it could not be right, so I consulted a friend of mine as was once in the Church, though now driving a cab owing to intemperate habits; and which he said as it was utterly ridicolas, being a jumble of Latin and French, like, “Non est iuventus encore plait-il ?'

But MR. WOOD, Sir, he has a "Turf Commission Agency," like me with my Repository, only he is a deal more definite in his address than what I have hitherto found to be prudent in my own individual case personally; he lives-or perhaps he only has his letters left at 59, Wilson-street, Finsbury-square, London.

It was in the year 1863-when we was most of us four years younger than what it is our actual lot to be now, just at present-that MR. RICHARD WOOD discovered "a principle of backing horses by which winning to any amount is reduced to a certainty."

Well, Sir, so have I, only it is rather dangerous. You get all the money they will give you, from all the fools you can gull; and under pretence of "backing horses" you put it in your own unmentionables pocket. But there are two objections to this course-and both are serious. In the first place, it's robbery; but, what is worse, in the second place, you are decidedly apt to get lynched, like a welsher.

He says, does MR. WOOD, that he "started with £100 capital." I have no doubt he would-just try him, gentle public, with £100-and he will start, for New York.

Also does MR. Woon remark, that in 1864 he won £30,600; in 1865 he won £28,400; in 1866 he won £29,000. Well, Sir, then all I say is, that he is a greedy old hunks for to want any more. He have won, he says, £88,000 in three years; can't he live upon that? Why, of course he can. I could do it myself!

He is, however, ready to tell anybody the whole secret for £100. Perhaps ye would like to speculate, my dear young Friend? And yet I wrong ye. No!

But if you will trust him with £10, he promises you £60; if you will

trust him with £50, he promises £700.

Now then, men of England, than whom, I am sure, a more speculative set, but not quite such fools as MR. WOOD seems to think, here's a chance for ye; but do not, oh, do not, all speak at once!

NICHOLAS.

An Anecdote. HOPKINS was dining with Popkins the other day. Popkins fell a-talking to Hopkins about his cigars, which, he said, were of a peculiar brand. Hopkins wished to know if Popkins got his wine at the same place where he bought his cigars, since he noticed it was "brandied" too. Mopkins, who chanced to be present, laughed; but Popkins didn't see the point. Do you?

There once was a man at whose birth
The Parca to miseries fated him ;-
He had more of misfortune than mirth
From the hour when they first "waccinated" him.
Chorus-Bang, folderiddle lol whack!

Bang, folderiddle diddle, didum, whack!
-cinated him!

Good Fortune deserted him quite,
So the World (which I'm told its character is)
Would treat him with scorning and slight,
And turn up its sneering olfactories!

Chorus-Ri tol lol, diddy iddy dol lol!
Ri tol lol, diddy dol lol!
-factories!

Though, when money he lent people, they
Ne'er would pay-as they'd solemnly vow it him :-
To him, e'en when paying his way,

As for credit!-they ne'er did allow it him!
Chorus-Fal lal, de diddle diddle,

Fal lal, de diddle liddle, liddle diddle!
---low it him!

But at last, seeing nothing at all

He by being obliging and humble got,
He grew proud-and, since pride has its fall,
He a most undesirable tumble got!

Chorus-Rum tum, ti tum, tum, ti tum!
Rum tum, ti tum tum, tum tum !
-ble got!

Strange things heroes do, I am told,--mine
Not singular was- -(yet not plural)—–

For he bolted away with a gold-mine

From the mountains, best known as the Ural!
Chorus-Ri tooral looral, lal looral!
Ki,-tooral looral, la!!
Ural!

He was caught-tried-condemned to be hung:
But he said to JACK KETCH, "'Ere thou donnest tie,
Just allow me to say to the young-

The best policy's found but in honesty!"
Chorus-Sing hey nonny nonny, hey nonino;
Hey nonny, nonny, nonay, nonny
-n honesty!

MORAL.

Gentle reader, you're greatly my debtor,
For the moral this lay lays before us is,
That this new style of song is much better
Than those idiotic old choruses.

Chorus-Ri tum, tiddy iddy, tiddy iddy, tiddy iddy,
Ri tum, tiddy iddy, tiddy iddy

-otic old choruses!

Dedalus Secundus.

The following extraordinary advertisement has appeared in several daily papers. The advertiser, having little of the estimable quality himself, wishes to guide and control balloons of "common sense." See what he says:

LOCOMOTION IN AIR.-Means having been devised and proved for effectually

and guiding balloons on a principle of common sense, being pressure produced by their motion, the author will confer with a representative of any association or joint-stock company formed to promote their rise. Desiring no undue or unfair advantage if failing in this last endeavour to engage attention of his countrymen, it will be offered to foreigners. "It is as vain to try to check the progress of art as it were to attempt to stay the course of nature."-H. H., Author's Agent, &c., &c., &c.

"A principle of common sense being pressure produced by their motion" is good-very good indeed; and we can only hope the advertiser will get up his company. He may be an excellent aeronaut; but, us regards English composition, he "air a naughty man!"

THE GREATEST ATTRACTION IN HYDE PARK.-The "Ladie-s' Mile," of course!

I'm the last guest of England

Left wandering alone,

All my martial companions
Have left me and gone.
No soldiers of Belgium
To walk with remain,
And they've given up cheering
And standing champagne!

I'll not rest here, thou London,
To pine in my togs,

In thy climate unlovely
And partial to fogs.
'Tis useless to flatter,

Thou art triste and a bore,

Now my mates of dear Brussels Have sailed from thy shore.

So soon let me follow,

What reason to wait ?

Thy theatres vex me,

Thy Sundays I hate.

When balls, fêtes, and concerts,

And dinners are done,

Oh! who would inhabit

DUKE OF SUTHERLAND, PERHAPS HE'D LIKE TO KNOW."

Minis-tear-ial.

HOWEVER lightly Government may treat the claims of woman to the rights of the franchise, it is an indisputable fact that when that important event-an appeal to the country-occurs, a thoroughly feminine trait is displayed in the Ministerial character-they invariably get up "a good cry." We have no doubt that the Right Hon. Gentleman, the Ex-HOME SECRETARY, will fully corroborate our assertion.

WE believe there is no truth in the report that next year the organisers of the Dramatic Fête will supplement the Music Hall attractions by a "Judge and Jury" booth. A rumour that they would be proceeded against under LORD CAMPBELL'S Act for the sale of certain photographs is also without foundation. But we do believe that there will be no Dramatic Fête at all next year.

A HINT FROM DR. CUMMING TO LADIES ABOUT TO MARRY.-Beemaster.