ds are lost! d! LORD S.-Didn't he bore our life out with his confounded rhymes? LORD S.-Was he even worthy of a pension from the Civil List? LORD S.-Then does it not serve him right to give him a statue ? [They uncover the statue. Derisive cheers. SIR G. (with a good deal of proper feeling).—Well, really, the poor man is dead and gone, and it s too bad to publish that caricature of the unfortunate old bore. It is indeed! Enter JAMES HAREBELL, an idiot, and altogether a good deal fallen of since the last act. JAMES H.-Eh! It's my statue! ALL.-Ha! It is James Harebell, gone daft! JAMES H.-Eh, yes, it's Jimmy Harebell, gone daft from reading his own poems. SIR G. (to LORD STEELMAN).-If we keep his poems from him he may yet recover. LORD S.-He may; nay (re-assuringly to audience), he will! JAMES H.-I am better already (recovers his intellect by a violent effort), and if our friends in front will explain to us why this piece is called the "Man o' Airlie," a painful feeling of doubt will be removed from our minds, and there won't be a happier party in all Scotland than SIR. G.-The lover, CURTAIN. OURSELVES.-It's a remarkably well written piece, rather clumsy in construction, much too long, and much too Scotch; but with a good deal of thinking in it; and, on the whole, immeasurably superior to the general run of modern dramas, original or adapted. Admirably played by MR. VEZIN and MISS MOORE, very well played by MR. FORRESTER and MR. MACLEAN. Treason Felony. THE Belfast News Letter has hitherto borne an excellent character as a loyal and respectable journal. It is with deep regret, therefore, that we bring against it a charge of treason committed in its columns of the 17th ultimo. We quote the paragraph, under protest: THE QUEEN . M'GURK, "This was a case of alleged robbery. The prosecutrix admitted on crossexamination by the prisoner that she was a returned convict, which led the jury to regard her evidence with less favour than they otherwise would have done, and they Lord Steelman's secretaryship. accordingly acquitted the prisoner of robbery. They found him, however, guilty of Are you an embezzler ? [He goes. zzler! Then I will go mad! [Tableau-HAREBELL going mad. Statue to James Harebell, covered any years have elapsed.) RS and CROWD. a common assault, which formed the subject of a different indictment not then before them. "The result was received with much laughter." A SOCIETY has been formed at Munich for the collection of cigar-ends. It puts forth an address to all smokers in Bavaria, and begs them to give their cigar-ends to the society, as means to the end it has in view, for it means to apply the proceeds of the sale of these unconsidered trifles to the clothing of poor children. It is calculated that upwards of £500,000 a-year may be obtained in this way. This is making wha wi' pae wi' wha, wi' Wallace smokers "stump" up with a vengeance. But FREDDY tries another style, He knows some graceful steps and does 'em A breathing Poem-Woman's smile- Now FREDDY's operatic pas— Now JOHNNY's hornpipe scems entrapping: Now FREDDY's graceful entrechats Now JOHNNY's skilful "cellar-flapping." For many hours-for many days For many weeks performed each brother, For each was active in his ways, And neither would give in to t'other. After a month of this, they say (The maid was getting bored and moody) A wandering curate passed that way And talked a lot of goody-goody. "Oh, my!" said he, with solemn frown, "I tremble for each dancing frater, Like unregenerated clown And harlequin at some the-ayter!" "Decide!" quoth they, "let him be named, Says FREDDY, "Here is goings-on! Bal He showed that men, in dancing do With Firstly, Secondly, and Thirdly! Bal But while they read for it, these chaps, The curate booked the maiden bonnyAnd when she's buried him, perhaps, She'll marry FREDERICK OF JOHNNY. Mol-Asinine! THE British Medical Journal states that "Royal letters patent" have been granted to M. ZIEGLER as the inventor of a method of producing vital force. M. ZIEGLER asserts that a vital fluid is disengaged whenever azote and carbon are brought in contact, and gives the following arrangement for generating it : "A porous cell containing caustic ammonia is immersed in molasses. The end of a silk thread connects the treacle with the ammonia, and then, the circuit being closed, the current of vital fluid passes. It produces on an animated being very considerable effects." This is interesting! After all, the true Fountain of Perpetual Youth is a jar of Golden Syrup! Its waters do not trickle-they treacle! We are inclined to think that the experiment might be simplified considerably. A caustic remark might be dropt on the asses without the "mol" with quite as much effect, we fancy. A HACKNEYED EXPRESSION.-"Riding the high horse." FROM OUR STALL. In Ar the Princess's-which theatre is for a time under the control of MR. HERMANN VEZIN-a four-act piece called The Man o' Airlie has been produced. Its author, MR. W. G. WILLS, made an enormous mistake in Scotticising his drama; the scene should have been laid anywhere but where it is. To see a canny Scotchman lend three hundred pounds without any security whatever is to see a miracle; and when have Scotchmen raised a statue to any poet but BURNS and SCOTT? Some of the characters discourse in such broad Caledonian, that it is difficult for a Southron to understand what they say. parts of the play this is not much to be deplored, as the talk now and then becomes tediously prolix. Three acts, or even a couple, would have been enough to tell the story in. With all its faults, though, The Man o' Airlie is interesting, and has the advantages of pretty scenery and good acting. MR. HERMANN VEZIN completely took us by surprise; we never believed him capable of such a masterly performance. His James Harebell reminded us, in the fourth act, of MR. JEFFERSON'S Rip Van Winkle; can we give much higher praise than that? MR. MACLEAN was admirable as a dry and cautious old servant; he made a complete picture of him, and came near sharing the honours with MR. VEZIN. MISS NELLY MOORE had little to do beyond looking excessively pretty and graceful-and that never gives her the least trouble. MESSRS. FORRESTER, PRICE, and GRESHAM played small parts effectively. We hope The Man o' Airlie will run, but it wants the pruning knife sadly. A two-act adaptation from the French was produced the other evening at the Olympic, when MISSES MARIA and NELLY HARRIS took a benefit. The piece is called Human Nature, and illustrates the old saying that we go a long way to look for what is close at hand. It was briskly played by MISSRS. HORACE WIGAN, ROBERT SOUTAR (glad to see you back in Wych-street, MR. SOUTAR), and H. J. MONTAGUE. The two MISSES HARRIS and MISS AMY SHERIDAN looked bewitching as brides in esse and in posse. "Hi've an Idea!" A FEW days since a hive of bees was being conveyed through the High-street at Winchester, in a South-Western delivery cart, when the cover of the hive was by accident shifted. The bees in escaping became enraged and stung the driver of the cart, and he, being enraged in turn, turned the hive into the street, where the bees stung a number of passers-by, who fled in all directions. It is very evident that if the bees did not know how to be-hive themselves, the driver didn't in the least know how to behave himself, as behove, or he would not have allowed the boe-hive to be heaved into the street as described behuve-we beg pardon, above! "The Poet." We suppose the Times, with that marvellous adaptability it possesses, sent a gentleman of thoroughly "corporate" mind to notice the Corporation display at the Guildhall. As of course City magnates know more about turtle soup than about Heliconian springs, prefer green fat to green bays, and think a poet a very inferior composer to a cook, the Times reporter left his literature at home, and we are accordingly indebted to him for the following charming novelty : "The poet Wordsworth has somewhere said- 'A thing of beauty is of joy for ever."" We are a little afraid that if "the Poet WORDSWORTH" ever said anything at all like that line anywhere, it must have been in KEATS'S Endymion, which is generally believed to have been written by "the Poet KEATS," not "the Poet WORDSWORTH." At any rate, KEATS wrote: "A thing of beauty is a joy for ever." A GOOD IDEA. Of all proverbial twaddle Whereby folks urge you should Must count it understood, That when the masters whacked yon, "They meant it for your good!" My landlord, but this morning- I cried. They showed their warrant"They meant it for our goods!"' A Divided House. HERE'S a strange announcement from the Hackney Gazette :FURNISHED or UNFURNISHED.-A front room in a small Christian family. Suitable for an elderly lady. Pleasantly situated.-13, B-Cottages, Mroad, Dalston. Convenient for Omnibus. Of course, if there's a front room, there must be a back room; and then, as a natural consequence, there must be divisions in the family. But if there are divisions in the family, how can it be a Christian family? In the name of the elderly Christian lady for whom this trap is laid we pause for a reply. Answers to Correspondents. [We cannot return rejected MSS. or sketches unless they are accompanied by a stamped and directed envelope.] J. B. B. (Woodridings, Pinner).-We fear that we should be more likely to be "soon shut up" by printing your contributions than by your sending them elsewhere. S. F. C. O.-You were right to head your contribution "Feeble attempt to make a pun." We should not have known it was that, even, without the light thus supplied. A FOREIGNER is evidently no stranger to our back numbers, from which he reproduces the figures in his sketch. TEA-CHEST.-Your notions are sloe. J. F. C. (Glasgow).—The advertisement you send is a local personality, and, therefore, of no use to us. "JAMIE PRINGLE."-Declined with thanks. We can see nothing marvellous in the fact that your writings have not "seen light through printer's iuk." It would puzzle you or any other man to see light through it. SPERANS.-Your lines to A. Patti seem to be inspired rather by a pastrycook than by Apollo. "AN IN-DOOR PATIENT IN THE HYDROPHOBIA ESTABLISHMENT ' (Redcar) should have his discharge at once and be sent to Earlswood. LORD HORSE (Wolverhampton).-Surely some relation to Baron Hase! MARO.-Such licences are permitted to give variety to blank verse only. D. A. S. (Mincing-lane).-You have contrived to get more old jokes into ten lines of copy than we should have thought possible. CATO.-Evidently not Cato the (Common) Sense-er, or he would have known that the "vile and helpless deformity" was only an artist's layfigure. E. M. F. sends us a “joke!” and says we may send anything we think it is worth enclosed in an envelope to Eton. But we can't put nothing in an envelope! B. J. M. M. says, "if we like this mad effusion we are welcome to it." We consider it simply idiotic; to be mad it must have had some sense to What a pity that the picturesque reporters of the Times are not always lose. things of beauty! Declined with thanks :-II. S., Bonnie; J. G. H.; C. N. Fulhamplace; I. B.; A. C. H., Richmond; W. T., Fisherton; A. H., Waterloo; P. W. H. J.; The Foxhunter: Doubtful; Shamus, Cork; M. R., Ostend; A. I., Buxton; J. R. C. F.; Bumptious; Bromley; J. M. T, Tredegar D. E. E. W., Pertsmouth; W. E. G., Herbert-street; Thomas Treacle; J. W. B., Godalming; W. G. & II. D.; Eljadee, Eastbourne; C. F. C., Brighton; C. M., Bloomsbury; Borra Bungalee Boo; (1, 2, 3); Epsilon; L. C. D., Birkenhead; J. Y., West Bromwich; F. H. W.; Cabby; II. L. H.; E.; R. T., Manchester; H. B., Henrietta-street; Armstrong Gun, Warley; Greek; R. R.; J. W., Cursitor-street. "Humph! Not a bad set of men. Some of 'em really fine fellows. But I doubt whether that uniform is quite the thing for business. I suppose they have better weather than we have. A week or two of rain at Wimbledon would take the shine out of those silver epaulettes, rather, I'm thinking. BELGIAN VOLUNTEER. "Heep, Heep, Hurrah! "What a many's of peoples. What funny peoples! "They is very hospitables-especially to themselves. I did not get very mosh to eat in the Hotel de Guild, but there was a very fine banquet there-for themselves. Oh, they is very hospitables! "The little boy Britannique seems very fond of us. He is rather a ragged little boy, not too mosh wash! He climb about my legs, and wish to shake hands! "Shake hands! Oh, yees! It is the entente cordiale! "I am welcome to England by the little boy Britannique, who is short, and does not quite tall enough to reach up to my heep"Heep, Hurrah!" Fireworks. "I wonder whether they're good shots? Anyhow, here goes-nally appeared in a new weekly journal called Echoes of the Clubs, and Hooray!" CYNIC. "Why, on earth, all this row about the Belgians? What, on earth, have they done that we should go into a frenzy? Don't remember anything about them, except that they-well, they didn't win the battle of Waterloo for us. "Don't know of any other reason for this enthusiasm, except that people in difficulties go over to Ostend-that's an Ostend-sible reason, I suppose." "Now, then, move on! POLICEMAN. "Andsome uniform, them furreners. Why don't they dress us somethin' in the same style. Lor, wouldn't the girls admire us then! "Strange-lookin' lot-don't know English a' course. So, though I never see 'em afore, I shall have to be a semaphore by way of showin' 'em their ways about. "It's no easy job to tell a chap to 'take the first to the right, then to the left, cross over by the railway arch, turn down by the chapel, and then ask again,'-all without sayin' a word, by help of your arms and legs. 66 Come, now, you boys, 'ook it!" THE Pall Mall Gazette says, with reference to the rumoured mission of PRINCE GORTSCHAKOFF, on affairs in Ireland, that the report origi. "is merely a squib." We think our contemporary would have done better to call it " a cracker." London-Printed by JUDD & GLASS, Phoenix Works, St. Andrew's Hill, Doctors' Commons, and Published (for the Proprietor) by W. ALDER, at 80, Fleet-street, E.0.August 3, 1867. LORENZO DE LARDY. DALILAH DE DARDY adored, The very correctest of cards, LORENZO DE LARDY, a lord He was one of HER MAJESTY's Guards. DALILAH DE DARDY was fat, DALILAH DE DARDY was old- The flower of maidenly pets, His money-position was queer, And one of his favourite freaks Was to hide himself three times a year Many days didn't pass him before He fanned himself into a flame, ALICE EULALIE CORALINE EUPHROSINE COLOMBINA THÉRÈSE JULIETTE STEPHANIE CELESTINE CHARLOTTE RUSSE DE LA SAUCE MAYONNAISE. She booked all the orders and tin, Accoutred in showy fal-lal, At a two-fifty Restaurant, in He'd gaze in her eyes all the day, In the musical accents of France. A waiter, for seasons before, Had basked in her beautiful gaze, And burnt to dismember MILORE, He loved DE LA SAUCE MAYONNAISE! He said to her, "Méchante THÉRÈSE, Avec désespoir tu m'accables! Pense tu, DE LA SAUCE MAYONNAISE, Ses intentions sont honorables? "Flirtez toujours, ma belle, si tu ôsesJe me vengerai ainsi, ma chère, Je le dirai de quoi on compose Vol au vent à la Financière! LORD LARDY knew nothing of this, The waiter's devotion ignored, But he gazed on the beautiful miss, And never seemed weary or bored. TOL. V. He'd gaze in her orbit of blue, Her hand he would tenderly squeeze, But the words of her tongue that he knew Were limited strictly to these : "CORALINE CELESTINE EULALIE, Houp là! Je vous aime, oui mossoo, Combien donnez moi aujourd'hui Bonjour, Mademoiselle, parlez voo." MADEMOISELLE DE LA SAUCE MAYONNAISE Was a witty and beautiful miss, Extremely correct in her ways, But her English consisted of this: "Oh my, pretty man, if you please, Blom boodin, biftek, currie lamb, Bouldogue, two franc half, quite ze cheese, Rosbif, me spik Angleesh godam!" Bab The waiter would screw up his nerve, "How strange are the customs of France!" Well, after delaying a space, His tradesmen no longer would wait: He yielded himself to his fate. LORD LARDY espoused, with a groan, Her name and her newly found arms. The waiter he knelt at the toes At the Théatre des Variétés. MADEMOISELLE DE LA SAUCE MAYONNAISE LAS A Canny One. It is announced that PROFESSOR CHARLES DU CANN is giving magical soirées in the Isle of Wight. If he will come to Town we may be able to say what PROFESSOR CHARLES CANN Du in London. |