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bled in ta tapsalteerie Cotter's Saturday Nicht wi' eerie drone and

eldritch croon the bonnie blink o' Mary's e'e ! ACT I.--Drawing-Room in Lord Steelman's Country House. All. -Perhaps ! M188 STEELXAN and GEORGE BRANDON discovered.

[They intimate to each other that SAUNDERS is breaking rapidly.' Miss S.—George Brandon, we are engaged. I always hated you,


STEELMAN), and Shy FHIENDS. but for some reason or other, which isn't clearly made out, I am ordered to marry you.

LORD S. AND HIS FRIENDS. We always wear lavender gloves, tall Geo. B. (asidé).-She is rich and will pay my debts! (Aloud.) Miss hats, and patent leather boots in the Wilds of the Western Highlands, Steelman, you love Sir Gerald Hope !

because we are such aristocrats. Miss S.-Perhaps !

Loud S.-Say, wasn't James Harebell a great nuisance, with his Enter Lord STEELMAN.

infernal songs ? LORD S.-I wear brass buttons because I am a nobleman. Such

ALL.-He was! are the vagaries of rank !

LORD S.-Didn't he bore our life out with his confounded rhymes ? Miss S. - James Harebell, a local poet, has come to see you, to beg

ALL.-He did ! your name for his title-page.

LORD S.- Was he even worthy of a pension from the Civil List ? LORD S.-Oh, bother. Send him up, and have done with him.

ALL.--He was not!
Enter JAMES HARRBELL, dressed like Burns.

LOND S.--Then does it not serve him right to give him a statue ? JAMES H.—My lord, I will sing you a little thing of my own!

ALL.-It is a just retribution !

Lord S.-Uncover it! LORD S. (alar med.)-Oh, don't trouble yourself.

[They uncover the statue. Derisive cherrs. JAMES H.-Nay, but it's nae trouble at a'!

Sm G. (with a good deal of proper feeling):-Well, really, the poor [Sings a little thing of his own.

man is dead and gone, and it 8 too bad to publish that caricature of the Lord S.-Thanks. Now go.

unfortunate old bore. It is indeed ! James H.--Nay; but I'll just sing thee anither.

Enter James HAREBELL, an idiot, and altogetior a good deal fallen of LORD S-No, please don't.

since the last act. James H.-Then you will gi'e me your name for my title-page ? JAMES H.--Eh! It's my statue ! LORD 8.-Yes. Anything for a quiet life.

All.-Ha! It is James Harebell, gone daft! JAMES H.-Then I relent. (To BRANDON.)—Here are twa hundred JAMES H.-Eh, yes, it's Jimmy Harebell, gone daft from reading pound in potes, and the manuscript of my songs. Get them published his own poems. for me, and I promise never to sing to you again.

Sie G. (to Lord STEELMAN).-If we keep his poems from him he Geo. B. (jumping at the bargain.)-Done, with you! (Pockets notes. may yet recover. (Exit HAREBELL, kumming a little thing of his own, followed by Lord

LORD S.-He may; nay (re-assuringly to audience), he will! STEELMAN and M188 STEELMAN.)

James H.-I am better already (recovers his intellect by a riolent

effort), and if our friends in front will explain to us why this piece is Enter Sir GERALD HOPE. SIR G.–Pay me the five hundred pounds you owe me, or I will from our minds, and there won't be a happier party in all Scotland

called the "Man o' Airlie," a painful feeling of doubt will be removed denounce you to Lord Steelman as a beggar, and marry Miss Steelman thanmyself. It would be a contemptibly mean thing to do, but no matter. Sır. G.--The lover,

Geo. B. (giving HAREBELL'S notes).-Here are two hundred-you LADY H.-The lady, sball have the balance tomorrow!

JAMES H.—and the lunatic. Sır. G. (aside).-Confusion!

Staggers out,

Geo. B.-Harebell, lend me three hundred pounds.

OURSELVES. ---It's a remarkably well written piece, rather clumsy in JAMES H.--I am only a poor Highland cottager, but certainly.

construction, much too long, and much too Scotch; but with a good

deal of thinking in it; and, on the whole, immeasurably superior to [Writes him a cheque for the amount. the general run of modern dramas, original or adapted. Admirably ACT II.-Harebell's Cottage.

played by Mr. Vezix and Miss Moore, very well played by Mx.

Mrs. HAREBELL discovered, with Saunders, a servant.
Mrs. II.-A'meel, a'weel, a'weel! There's a muckle mickle i th'
pockle piekle!

Treason Felony.
SAUNDERS.—Eh! t gowerin' bairn a nicht wi' Burns gin a body

The Belfast News Letter has hitherto borne an excellent character as auld lang syne cockaleekie haggis !

[Exeunt. a loyal and respectable journal. It is with deep regret, therefore, that Enter HAREBBIL.

we bring against it a charge of treason committed in its columns of JAMES H.-My book's nae published yet!

the 17th ultimo. We quote the paragraph, under protest :Enter BRANDON.

THE QUEEN V. N'GURK. Geo. B.-Your three hundred pounds are lost !

“ This was a case of alleged robbery. The prosecutrix admitted on crossJAMES H.- Eh, then I'm just ruined !

examination by the prisoner that she was a returned convict, which led the jury to

regard her evidence with less favour than they otherwise would have done, and they Gro. B.-Not so; I can offer you Lord Steelman's secretaryship. accordingly acquitted the prisoner of robbery. They found him, however, guilty of Take it, and be happy!

a common assault, which formed the subject of a different indictment not then Enter Mrs. HARRBELL and SarxDENS.

before them.

"The result was received with mnch laughter." Mrs. H.-A' weel, a' weel, a' weel ! SAUNDERS.-Eh, ilka laesie has a laddie o'er the hills to Gowrie.

Out of the Frying-Pan, &c. (To BRANDON) - Cam' ye by Athol ? Geo. B.-No.


Some days ago the Morning Star contained the following extra

ordinary apology: ACT III.-Library in Lord Steelman's House. Enter HAREBELL. "By a typographical error in our impression of yesterday, the Viceroy is made to JAMES H.- My wife is dead. I sang to her too much. The jury feel annoyed at the Christmas revels. The word employed by the writer was returned a verdict of "accidental death." Enter LORD STEELMAN, Miss STEELMAN, and Sir GERALD Hore.

We had no idea the worthy Pasha had been amongst us for so many Miss S.-I will not marry Brandon, to-morrow.

months. If the excellent writer is not responsible for the fact that the LORD S.-Ha! You might have mentioned that before.

Viceroy was “annoyed” at the Crystal Palace, what bright luminary Sir G.-Brandon is an embezzler.

of the Star is accountable for the blunder of asserting that he has been Enter BRANDON,

at Sydenham-bidden in the Egyptian Court, wo imagine-ever since LORD S.-Brandon, is this true? Are you an embezzler ?

Geo. B. (guiltily.)-I am!
Lord S.-Then go !

[He goes.

Charitable Ends. James H.-My Brandon an embezzler! Then I will go mad!

A SOCIETY has been formed at Munich for the collection of cigar-ends.

[Tableau-HAREĐELL going mad. It puts forth an address to all smokers in Bavaria, and begs them to ACT IV.- View of Highland Lock. Statue to James Harebell, covered give their cigar-ends

to the society, as means to the end it has in view up, is seen. (Ever so many years have elapsed.)

for it means to apply the proceeds of the sale of these unconsidered

trifles to the clothing of poor children. It is calculated that upwards Enter SAUNDERs and CROWD.

of £500,000 a-year may be obtained in this way. This is making SAUNDERE.-Scote wha bae hi wha wi' pae wi' wha, wi' Wallace smokers“ stump" up with a vengeance.

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Hal“ Decide !" quoth they, " let him be named,

Who henceforth as his wife may rank you."“I've changed my views," the maiden said,

“I only marry curates, thank you !” Says FREDDY, “ Here is goingg-on!

To bust myself with rage I'm ready." “I'll be a curate!” whispers JOHN

“And I,” exclaimed poetic Freddy.

But FREDDY tries another style,

He knows some graceful steps and does 'emA breathing Poem-Woman's smile

A man all poesy and buzzem. Now FREDDY's operatic pas

Now Johnny's hörnpipe scems entrapping: Now FREDDY's graceful entrechats

Now Johnny's skilful “cellar-flapping." For many hours-for many days,

For many weeks performed each brother, For each was active in his ways,

And neither would give in to t'other. After a month of this, they say

(The maid was getting bored and moody) A wandering curate passed that way

And talked a lot of goody-goody. “Oh, my!" said he, with solemn frown,

“I tremblo for each dancing frater, Like unregenerated clown

And harlequin at some the-ayter!"

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Mol-Asinine ! The British Medical Journal states that “Royal letters patent” have been granted to M. ZIEGLER as the inventor of a method of producing vital force. M. Ziegler asserts that a vital fluid is disengaged whenever azote and carbon are brought in contact, and gives the following arrangement for generating it :

“A porous cell containing caustic ammonia is immersed in molasses. The end of a silk thread connects the treacle with the awnionia, and then, the circuit being closed, the current of vital fluid passes. It produces on an animated being vers considerable effects."

This is interesting! After all, the true Fountain of Perpetual Youth is a jar of Golden Syrup! Its waters do not trickle-they treacle ! We are inclined to think that the experimen: might be simplified considerably.. A caustic remark might be dropt on the asses without the “mol” with quite as much effect, we fancy.


He showed that men, in dancing do

Both impiously and absurdly, And proved his proposition true,

With Firstly, Secondly, and Thirdly!

A HACKXBYED EXPRESSION.—“ Riding the high horse."


A GOOD IDEA. Ar the Princess's—which theatre is for a time under the control of

Op all proverbial twaddle MR. HERMANN VEzin—a four-act piece called The Man o' Airlie has

That vexed our youthful days been produced. Its author, Mr. W. G. Wills, made an enormous

(Confound that sage, whose noddle mistake in Scotticising bis drama; the scene should have been laid

Gave birth to such a phrase !) anywhere but where it is. To see a canny Scotchman lend three

Commend me to the fiction hundred pounds without any security whatever is to see a miracle;

Whereby folks urge you should and when have Scotchmen raised a statue to any poet but Burns and

Not wince 'ncath some inflictionScott ? Some of the characters discourse in such broad Caledonian,

“They mean it for your good!” that it is difficult for a Southron to understand what they say. In parts of the play this is not much to be deplored, as the talk now and

They said so when they plied you then becomes tediously prolix. Three acts, or even a couple, would

With drugs of nauseous taste have been enough to tell the story in. With all its faults, though, The

When something they denied you, Han o Airlie is interesting, and has the advantages of pretty

Whereon your hopes were placedscenery and good acting. MR. HERMANN VEzix completely took us by

They always urged the fact, you surprise; we never believed him capable of such a masterly perform

Must count it understood, ance. His James Harebell reminded us, in the fourth act, of Mr.

That when the masters whacked yon, JEFFERSON's Rip Van Winklo; can we give much higher praise than

“They meant it for your good !"" that ? MR BLACLEAN was admirable as a dry and cautious old serFant; he made a complete picture of him, and came near sharing the

My landlord, but this morninghonours with Mr. Vezix. Miss Nelly MOORE had little to do beyond

Most practical of jokers— looking excessively pretty and graceful—and that never gives her the

My prayers for patience scorning, least trouble. MESSRS. FOURESTER, Price, and GRESHAM played small

Put in a brace of brokers. parte effectively. We hope The Man o' Airlie will run, but it wants

“Why seize with greed abhorrent, the pruning knite sadly.

Poor people's livelihoods ?" A two-act adaptation from the French was produced the other even

I cried. They showed their warranting at the Olympic, when Missza Maria and NELIY Harris took a

“They meant it for our goods !" bepetit. The piece is called Human Nature, and illustrates the old saying that we go a long way to look for what closo at hand. It

A Divided House. was briskly played by Messrs. HORACE WIGAN, Robert SOUTAR (glad to see you back in Wych-street, Mr. SOUTAR), and H. J. MON

Here's a strange announcement from the Hackney Gazette : TAGUE, . The two Misaks HARRIS and Miss AMY SHERIDAN looked FURNISHED or UNFURNISHED.-A front room in a small Christian family. bewitching as brides in esse and in posse.

suitable for an elderly lady. Pleasantly situated.–13, B-Cottages, Mroad, Dalston. Convenient fur Omnibus.

Of course, if there's a front room, there must be a back room; and “Hi've an Idea !"

then, as a natural consequence, there must be divisions in the family, A Few days since a hire of bees was hoing conveyed throngh the But if there are divisions in the family, how can it be a Christian High-street at Winchester, in a South-Western delivery cart, when family ! In the name of the elderly Christian lady for whom this the cover of the hive was by accident shifted. The bees in escaping trap is laid we pause for a reply. became enraged and stung the driver of the cart, and he, being enraged in turn, turned the hive into the street, where the bees stung a number of passers-by, who fled in all directions.

Inswers to Correspondents. It is very evident that if the bees did not know how to be-hive themselves, the driver didn't in the least know how to behave him. self, as behove, or he would not have allowed the boe-hive to be

(We cannot return rejected MSS. or sketches unless they are accompanied heaved into the street as described behuve-we beg pardon, above !

by a stamped and directed envelope.]

J. B. B. (Woodridings, Pinner).-We fear that we should be more

likely to be "soon shut up" by printing your contributions than by your Very Likely!

Bending them elsewhere. Look here, what we've found in the papers :

S. F. C. 0.--Yon were right to head your contribution “Feeble attempt A Respectable Family want PLACE, REXT, and FIRING free, in return for looking to make a pun.". We should not have known it was that, oven, without the after it.--Address.

light thus supplied. We know a great many respectable families who have been looking

A FOREIGNER is evidently po stranger to our back numbers, from which after something of the sort for a long time. We fancy when the ad" he reproduces the figures in his sketch

TEA-CHEST.—Your potions are sloe. vertisers have looked after it till they have found it, they will pro

J. F. C. (Glasgow). The advertisement you send is a local personality, bably get it, but not before, however much they may wish.

and, therefore, of do use to us.

"'JAMIB PKINGLE.”—Declined with thanks. We can see nothing mar“The Poet."

vellous in the fact that your writings have not "seen light through printer's We suppose the Times, with that marvellous adaptability it pos- iuk.” It would puzzle you or any other man to see light through it. sesses, sent a gentleman of thoroughly “corporate" mind to notice

SPERANS.-Your lines to A. Patti seem to be inspired rather by a pastrythe Corporation display at the Guildhall

. As of course City magnates cook than by Apollo. know more about turtle sonp than about Heliconian

springs, prefer (Redcar) should have his discharge ut once and be sent to Earlswood.

“A. Ix-DOOR PATIENT IN THE HYDROPHOBIA ESTABLISHMENT" green fat to green bays, and think a poet a very inferior composer to

LORD HORSE (Wolverhampton).-Surely some relation to Baron Hase! å cook, the Times reporter left his literature at home, and we are ac- Mano.-Sach licences are permitted to give variety to blank verse only. cordingly indebted to him for the following charming novelty :

D. A. S. (Mincing-lane). - You have contrived to get more old jokes “ The poct Wordsworth has somewhere said-

into ten lines of copy than we should have thought possible. A thing of beauty is of joy for crer.'"

Cato.--Evidently not Cato the (Common) Sense-er, or he would have We are a little afraid that if “ the Poet WordsWORTH" ever said known that the “ vile and helpless deformity" was only an artist's lay

figure. anything at all like that line anywhere, it must have been in Keats's

E. M. F. sends us a “joke!" and rays we may send anything we think Endymion, which is generally believed to have boen written by“ the it is worth enclused in an envelope to Econ. But we can't put nothing in Poet KEATS," not "the Poet WORDSWORTH." At any rate, KEATS an envelope ! wrote:

B. J. M. M. says, " if we like this mad effusion we are welcome to it.” "A thing of beauty is a joy for ever."

We consider it simplý idiotic; to be mad it niust have had some sense to What a pity that the picturesque reporters of the Times are not always

lose. things of beauty !

Declined with thanks :-H. S., Bonnie; J. G. H.; C. N. Fulham

place; I. B.; A. C. H., Richmond ; W. T., Fisherton; A. H., Waterloo; Similia Similibus Curantur.

P. W. H. J.; The Foxbunter: Doubtful; Shamus, Cork; M. R., Ostend; This principle is now accepted by the most eminent professors in A. 1,, Buxton; J. R. C. F: ; Bumptious; Bromley; J. M. T, Tredegar; the French school of medicine. When the health of the Emperor is J. W. B., Gidalming; W. G. & II. D.; Eljadee, Eastbourne; C. F.C., all Ashy, they invariably prescribe Vichy waters for its restoration.

Brighton; C. M., Bloomsbury; Borra Bungalee Boo; (1, 2, 3); Epsilon;

L. C. D., Birkenbead; J. Y., West Bromwich; F. H. W.; Cabby; Tur ROCK AHBAD.-What a young husband foresees when the II. L. H. E.; R. T., Ísanchester; H. B., Henrietta-street; Arrestrony eradie in brought home.

Gun, Warley; 'Greek; R. R.; J. W., Cursitor-streets

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Heep, Heep, Hurrah !

“What a many's of peoples. What funny peoples ! THB STREET ARAB.

“They is very hospitables—especially to themselves. I did not get “ HOORAY!

very mosh to eat in the Hotel de Guild, but there was a very fine “ Here's a foreign cove. Let's shake 'ands with 'im

banquet there—for themselves. Oh, they is very hospitables ! “ Hooray!

“The little boy Britannique seems very fond of us. He is rather a " I say, guv'ner, buy a box o'lights ?

ragged little boy, not too mosh wash! He climb about my legs, and “ Hooray!

wish to shake hands! “ Chuck us a a'p'ny !

"Shake hands! Oh, yees! It is the entente cordiale !

"I am welcome to England by the little boy Britannique, who is BRITISH VOLUNTEER.

short, and does not quite tall enough to reach up to my heep"Humph! Not a bad set of men. Some of 'em really fine fellows. “Heep, Hurrah!" But I doubt whether that uniform is quite the thing for business. I suppose they have better weather than we have. A week or two of

Fireworks. rain at Wimbledon would take the shine out of those silver epaulettes,

The Pall

Mall Gazette says, with reference to the rumoured mission rather, I'm thinking,

of P&INCE GORTSCHAKOPF, on affairs in Ireland, that the report origi. “I wonder whether they're good shots ? Anyhow, here goes— nally appeared in a new weekly journal called Echoes of the Clubs, and Hooray!” Cynic.

" is merely a equib." We think our contemporary would have done

better to call it "a cracker." “Why, on earth, all this row about the Belgians ? What, on earth, have they done that we should go into a frenzy? Don't remember anything about them, except that they-well, they didn't

Proud of his Post. win the batile of Waterloo for us.

A BILL-STICKER in Dublin has dignified his profession by a new “Don't know of any other reason for this enthusiasm, except that title. He advertises himself as the “Champion Dead-wall Decorator." people in difficulties go over to Ostend—that's an Ostend-sible reason, This is neat! We suppose our posters will soon be enrolled as the I suppose."

Honourable Company of Hoardings-Hiders. POLICEMAN. “Now, then, move on!

Sporting Note. “'Andsome uniform, them_furteners. Why don't they dress us We regret to hear such bad accounts of the grouse. A disease has somethin' in the same style. Lor, wouldn't the girls admire us then! broken out among them which destroys them more rapidly than even

"Strange-lookin' lot-don't know English a' course. So, though I the usual moor-tality that commences on the 12th of August.
never see 'em afore, I shall have to be a semaphore by way of showin'
'em their ways about.
“It's no easy job to tell a chap to 'take the first to the right, then

Hitting It. to the left, cross over by the railway arch, turn down by the chapel, There is a good deal in a taking title, publishers aay: If so, the and then ask again,'-all without sayin' a word, by help of your arms new Yeddo paper ought to attract attention, for it is to be called the and legs.

Ban-Kok-Shin-Bur-Šhi. Of course it will be called the Kok-Shi fur “Come, now, you boys, 'ook it!"



Loddod :-Printed by JUDD & GLASS, Phædix Works, St. Andrew's Hill, Doctors' Commons, and Published (for the Proprietor) by W. ALDER, at 80, Fleet-stroet, 3.0.

August 3, 1867.

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The very correctest of cards, LORENZO DE LARDY, a lord

He was one of HER MAJESTY's Guards. DALILAH DE DARDY was fat,

DALILAH DE DARDY was old(No doubt in the world about that)


The flower of maidenly pets, Young ladies would love at his call,

But LORENZO DE LARDY had debts.
His money-position was queer,

And one of his favourite freaks
Was to hide himself three times a year

In Paris, for several weeks.
Many days didn't pass bim before

He fanned himself into a flame,
For a beautiful “DAM DU COMPTWORE,”

And this was her singular name :


CHARLOTTE RUSSE DE LA SAUCE MAYONNAISE. She booked all the orders and tin,

Accoutred in showy fal-lal, At a two-fifty Restaurant, in

The glittering Palais Royal.

He'd gaze in her eyes all the day,

Admiring their sparkle and dance, And list, while she rattled away

In the musical accents of France. A waiter, for seasons before,

Had básked in her beautiful gaze, And burnt to dismember MILORE,

He loved DE LA SAUCE MAYONNAISE ! He said to her, “Méchante THÉRÈSE,

Avec désespoir tu m'accables ! Pense tu, DE LA SAUCE MAYONNAISE,

Ses intentions sont honorables ? “Flirtez toujours, ma belle, si tu ôses

Je me vengerai ainsi, ma chère, Je le dirai de quoi on compose

Vol au vent à la Financière ! LORD LARDY knew nothing of this,

The waiter's devotion ignored, But he gazed on the beautiful miss,

And never seemed weary or bored.

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Bab The waiter would screw up his nerve,

His fingers he'd snap and he'd danceAnd LORD LARDY would smile and observe,

“How strange are the customs of France ! Well, after delaying a space,

His tradesmen no longer would wait: Returning to England apace,

He yielded himself to bis fate. LORD LARDY espoused, with a groan,

Miss DARDY's developing charms, And agreed to tag on to his own,

Her name and her newly found arms. The waiter he knelt at the toes

Of an ugly and thin coryphée, Who danced in the hindermost rows


Didn't yield to a gnawing despair, But married a soldier, and pays

As a pretty and pert Vivandière.


He'd gaze in her orbit of blue,

Her hand he would tenderly squeeze, But the words of her tongue that he knew

Were limited strictly to these : “ CORALINE CELESTINE EULALIE,

Houp là ! Je vous aime, oui mossoo, Combien donnez moi aujourd'hui

Bonjour, Mademoiselle, parlez voo." MADEMOISELLE DE LA SAUCE MAYONNAISE

Was a witty and beautiful miss, Extremely correct in her ways,

But her English consisted of this : “Oh my, pretty man, if you please,

Blom boodin, biftek, currie lamb, Bouldogue, two franc half, quite ze cheese,

Rosbif, me spik Angleesh godam!'

A Canny One. It is announced that Professor Charles Du Cann is giving magical soirées in the Isle of Wight. If he will come to Town we may be able to say what Professor CHARLES CAnn Du in London.


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