Page images
PDF
EPUB
[graphic][ocr errors][ocr errors][subsumed]

ATHLETIC SPORTS AT SYDENHAM.

that I take to myself a new rôle. Comprehend me. I am now no

longer the fâneur, the bon-vivant, the gandin; but the athlete, the BY OUR OWN GANDIN.

apostle of muscularity; the disciple of the agile trapeziste, the coureur, Once more I render myself in this atmosphere at the same time the leaper, the boxeur of the English. torrid, humide, brumous, all that can be made of change.

I have joined the Tum Verein Institution Germanic Vehmgericht, But let me be veritable.

which sets itself to kill the tyrants of humanity-sloth, gourmandism, The climate even of Paris makes to itself all that there.

and the too profound sentiments of the love. Behold me, then, in In these days there is nothing which we do not exchange-we the costume, picturesque and unembarrassed, of the gymnasium. I wield internationals. The Treaty of Commerce is an accomplished fact. the club of the Indian, I throw myself at the bar horizontal, I think Therefore among the rest foggs; rains; fleuves Noahique. That goes of that other bar in Paris, and come with empressement on my back. without telling

Let that suffice. The practices make the perfection, as your insular But one must suffer if one would live. I myself have succumbed ; proverb teaches, and I am sailing through the air, bird-like, of the I, your Gandin-fianêur indifferent, philosophique, stoique of the trapeze: "Ya-ho-go it, you jolidogs !' Who can stay when he bas Boulevard and the Bourse. And with a veritable passion, a pain to once launched himself? There is but one way to reach again the the heart. That, too, was international, commercial, and, like the earth. It is to let go! What if you again fall on your back! Bring treaty of our great nations, gave all to one side.

to us the pale ales and the shandygaff, and we will be of the boxeurs. I speak now nothing of our Grande Exposition. All the world “Ponch my head, my friend. Thank you, Sir; I have give myself knows it. They have there a bar Britannique, a restaurant of the one for my nob, and you take back a stinger of your moggs with my English, and who but I know well how to advise myself of it! I who left. Ha! ha! Thank you, Sir.” Yes, it is to learn the technique of am myself saturated with the customs of your country :- the cattle La Belle Life. Vive la Vie des Belles ! vive les Belgians ! vive la show, the market for beastails, the rosbif, the publicous. I who know bagatelle! Vive GUILLAUME Tell, vive THURTELL, vive Vatel, vive to sing even your ballade of the lowlife, your Sevendial, your musicall, MARTEL! nous sommesencore ici. We are above everything jolidogs. Your

For, dear boy! for, dear boy!

11 cst mon ami! Il est mon ami! English flagon, your quart pot, has a bottom of glass. Mirror through

Ma chou-chou, ma chou-chou, which to look at the world. Through that I saw her. Angelic

He's palealeo’mine, he's palealeo’mine. faëresque-blooming of a thousand charms, the belle Anglaise Dryado, Nereide, Mermeide, Barmeide of the restaurant

Thank you, Sir! Oh yes, you have give me the coup that leaves But in this Dryade, Nereide, Mermeide, Barmeide, are one. They

me of the most groggie. mock themselves of your love; when once you are in the tourbillon, the poolwhirl. So I render myself each day at the English restaurant.

A Pretty Turn-out! I drink, I am in a deluge of beors, and not till I am embloated, my figure on which I justly pride myself, and vanished in its placea having reduced the rate of fares, the men have adopted the plan of

The car-drivers of Cork are on strike. The municipal authorities tonneau, what you call baril-cask; not till that supremo calamity, not plying on Sundays. Of course, like true Irishmen, they call the does she mock herself of love. I also mock; but I fly.

strike a “turn-out,” for the obvious reason that they don't turn-out! I set myself to cure this maladie of the mind and of the body at once by the same stroke.

FUN LIBRARY. I find the remedy: the grand medicine on my way to England. It The Fifth Edition of the First Volume of the “BROWN PAPERS” is here at your vast Exposition of Syden bam, your Crystal Palace, is now ready. Price One Shilling.

London : Printed by JUDD & GLASS, Phan's Worts, St. Androw's Aml, Dootors' Commono, and Publiobod (for the Propriotor) by W. ALDER, at 80, Reet-stroot, B.C.

August 24, 1061.

[graphic][subsumed][ocr errors][subsumed][subsumed]

SOME MISTAKE HERE!
Birdcatcher (to our artist on a sketching excursion) :-—“'ULLO, MATEY! WoT LUCK 'A YBR ’AD ? SPARRERS OR FINCHES P”

KEEPING UP THE SYSTEM I

The Best Joke of the Season. Or, have you read the Saturday, and have you seen the Lancet ? The French dramatic authors have been petitioning Parliament to Lock up the wine and spirits ! Out of sight that pewter can set ! protect their copyright in their pieces against the plagiarism of the The present generation, old and young, too freely tipples,

English authors of new and original" dramas. A deputation of our And hence the lot of lunatics, of idiots, and oripples !

Dramatic Authors' Society waited upon LORD STANLEY at the Foreign For stimulants which people take for keeping up the system

Office the other day to support the petition of the French playwrights. The brains they craze or obfuscate, and, as for limbs, they twist 'em. Will it be believed that one member of the deputation was Mr. Tom 'Tis said that into babies' hands too soon the nurses stick cups,

TAYLOR! We understand that Mr. Bill Sykes is about to introduce With alcoholic mixtures in, to give the dears the hiccups :

to the HOME SECRETARY a deputation from Cribcracking-alley to petition That ladies—this appears the worst of all these most distressing cases— for increased stringency in the laws for the punishment of robbery with Have their private flasks of spirits-keep them in their dressing.cases : violence. Thus, a good example is never lost ! That doctors, too, are much to blame for giving, per prescription, It must not be forgotten, however, that Mr. Taylor is nothing Strong drinks, of which their patients they should bid a single sip shun: when he is not “new and original." The screaming farce of his That e'en young ladies at a ball, in this too fast and clever age, appearance at the Foreign Office on such a mission is "adapted,” no Prefer champagne or claret-cups to negus as a beverage.

doubt, from a comedy performed in the House of Commons at the In short, that in the matter, drink, our nation past all hope erts, commencement of the late Session, when a great contracting M.P. That men and women, boys and girls, both old and young, are topers. moved for a Committee of Inquiry into the financial mismanagement Good gracious! What a fearful thing to contemplate! Preserve us! of the Lendem, Cheatem, and Doem Railway. The very thought quite makes me ill uncomfortable nervousIn fact, I'd better-just a drop-to make my nerves more steady

B.A-sy! And not much water-thank you! Yes—I'm better, much, already! REALLY this advertisement is quite refreshing this hot weather. It Note.

acts like a refrigerator, it is so deliciously cool! Calm reflection whispers“ metum hunc dimitte tristem,"

A GENTLEMAN, aged, 24, B.A. of Oxford, of good family, but without means, Lo! the method I prescribe for keeping up the system.

desires (in good faith) marriage with a young lady of good family, who bas Remember that the scribes, those flaming articles inditing,

means sufficient to support both. She must be good-looking and good tempered,

and not older than 21; dark beauty is preferred. -- Address, &c. Were keeping up their system of sensation-leader writing!.

It is not every man who has the impudence to suppose that by the

outlay of a few shillings in advertisements he can secure a wife with A Conference Counterblast.

youth, birth, beauty, and amiability, not to mention a fortune! We THE Wesleyan Conference have set their faces against pipes and can't help thinking B.A. Oxon must be a quadruped of another kind ! cigars, and require all candidates for the ministry not to set pipes or cigars against their faces. The ordination of one candidate from New

6. That were a Consummation.” Brighton has been deferred for a year, because he loves his tobacco, A FRIEND of ours, who has been the victim of false prophets, says says the Conference, “not Wesley, but too well !"

that he wishes the turf were on its last “ legs.''

[blocks in formation]

say I!

A DREAM OF THE SEA-SIDE.

No one, I am sure, can have read LADY WALDEGRAVE's wise words

at Wigton without taking off the hat of his heart, as an Irishman OR! daintiest darling in ravishing dress,

would say, to the good Countess. Her kindly-sensible speech should And incense that floats from each tremulous trees,

be printed and hung up in every national school in the kingdom, and With bottines bewitching, and smallest of feet,

might find a place in every kitchen in the land. She has said exactly And bonnet of rose-buds so pertly petites.

the right thing in a way which should not give offence to the most Will you welcome me back to the sea-side once more,

sensitive PHILLIS. But her Ladyship's word may find an echo elseAs you walk by the wavelet that curls on the shore ?

where than in the kitchen. A love of dress is the prevailing fault of Will you teach me the lesson, all others above,

the day, and Miss Middleclass may take a hint from the experience of As I learn one sweet tense of the dear verb "I love ?

fourscore years. All honour to the COUNTESS OF. WALDEGRAVE, st's stupid, carina, just now here in Town,

It seems no easy matter to find even a shadow of a reason for the And the trees in the Park are all dusty and brown,

extraordinary conduct of the Home SECRETARY with regard to the In Kensington Gardens so lonely I pace,

exercise of the prerogative of mercy. If the Home Office were a fancy And no flower in the parterre has charms like your face.

fair wbere condemned prisoners might dip in the lucky bag for blank In fact, dear, this London's consumedly slow,

pardons, the remissions of the capital sentence could hardly be more When I watch for your figure in vain in the Row;

unaccountable and capricious. If the power cannot be exercised with And I miss the dear clasp of a shy little hand,

better judgment it had better be revoked altogether, for it merely brings And I long for the sea-side and walks on the sand.

justice into contempt, and weakens the terrors of the law. The We'll stroll when the moon-shimmer sleeps on the tide,

question of Capital Punishment has been gravely and patiently weighed And I'll dream of the future with you by my side;

and debated, and the nation, which has devoted so much thought and And the stars will look down on the rose of your cheek, time to the inquiry, can hardly be expected to stand quietly by while a As you blush at the words of devotila I speak;

young and inexperienced minister plays fast and loose with the prinAnd we'll talk of the poets we both love so well,

ciples that have been the objects of so mueh argument and reflection. Of the strange verse of BROWNING, and TENNyoN's spell,

On the whole, the Hone SECRETARY has done little to increase the When his magical melody bears us along

public confidence in him. He has forfeited his pledges with regard to To the regions enehanted of eloquent song,

the great blot of our system-Pauperism; and he has done little save

introduce an obnoxious and ill-timed Bill about the Parks and then But away with the dream-you'll be walking, percharee, withdraw it when it had done all the mischief and none of the good it With some partner you favour'd last night in the dance ; could do. Such tactics have not even the merit of originality, for And I'm only remembered, false siren, as one

history records that the KING OF FRANCE with forty thousand men That you flirted with here till the season was done;

marched up a hill and then marched down again. Such adaptations And the nonsense we talk'd, as the reader may guess,

from the French are undesirable unless MR. HARDY wishes to be the Though it might be of love meant just nothing-or less; Tom TAYLOR of politics. I'll betake me to Paris and gay lands afar

Apropos ! There has been much emptying of vials of wrath on the “Ho! waiter, a 'cock-tail '—and bring a cigar!”

head of MR. HOLLINGSHEAD for bis article on Dramatic Critics in the Broadway. It is odd, by the way, that the two journals that are

angriest with him for revealing the names of drumatic critics aro Tobon Talk.

precisely those two whose crities were not named ! Well, I must say

I think that this revealing of the secrets of the press prison-house is BY THE SAUNTERER SOCIETY.

pot quite etiquette. But, then, at times strong remedial measures must

be put in force :-- quackery must be exposed now and then for the T Jast the Parlia- general good. I wish Mr. HOLLINGBHEAD would whip out his surgical

mentary shop is instruments once more, and lay bare the diseased organisation of the shut, and that present dramatic criticism of the Times, no longer written by the

nte prising scholar and man of letters who is named in the Broadway as the critic and obliging of the Thunderer. The Times of last Wednesday contained a column trader in mea- of the most gross and clumsy flattery of the MISSES TERRY-actresses sures,

MR. of considerable merit, but by no means deserving of the extravagant DISRAELI, can rant with which their injudicious eulogist damages rather than assists get away for their reputation. The article in question is a bungling attempt to his holidays, answer a very just, moderate, and well-written critique on Diss and no

man TERRY's Beatrice, which appeared in the Pall Mall. An unblushing deserves them puff of the revived Inequal Match (very new and original that!) more. He has followed the next day, and betrays the writer at once—there is only been always at

one man who would so puff MR. TAYLOR. The retirement of MK his post ready OXEN FORD would under any circumstances be a loss to the interests to supply any of the stage ; but when his gentlemanly and scholarly writing is article his cus. replaced by prejudiced and worthless nonsense, his retirement becomes tomers required a calamity. from House- I have been somewhat amused by the solemn way in which a hold Suffrage Glasgow paper I received the other day attributes the break-down of downwards, a Sunday excursion steamer to a special judgment, instead of seeing

and he has that vessels worn out in other service are generally told off for the Court

carefully in- excursion business. If every ship that sails on "the Sabbath" is to
spected the be wrecked, how is it that all vessels which make long journeys, say
stock of between England and Australia and America, are not lost? It is a
boroughs and pity that our "unco guid” friends don't see that. When they draw up
counties with a a list of steamers employed in the Sunday trade, and show how
view to dis- judgments" have destroyed several, and run up a bill for a thousand
covering which pounds for repairs already this season, they are doing something which
were the bad is dangerously like accusing PROVIDENCE of “rattening."
eggs. But his If one may believe the Totnes Times

, a gigantic feat was performed
task is accom- at the regatta held on the Dart at Totnes the other day. That able
plished at last. provincial journal, after praising the members of the committee,
He has restored adds-
the credit of “Also, Capt. D— cannot be too much extolled for his active exertions in
the establish- carrying out ibe holiday, and the Mayor also.”
ment-the old Surely some local APELLEs can be found to immortalize the athletic
firm of Derby, performance on canvas, to be placed in the Town Hall of Totnes.

DISRAELI, AND We would suggest, in the interests of that threatened borough, that Co., has taken a new lease, and “ hopes by a constant attention to the gallant Captain, having carried a holiday and a Mayor, should business," &c., &c., &c. I wish the CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER try to carry an election on purity principles, and so save

the reputation a pleasant holiday and lots of fine weather.

of his town.

[graphic]
[ocr errors]
[ocr errors]

CH,

,

CH,

[ocr errors]

SCIENCE IN SPORT.
DOUBLE ACROSTIC.

TO THE EDITOR.
No. 25.

SrR,—Comicals and chemicals must be nearly allied, they are spelt
At once in Land and Water 'twill be found

80 much alike. But no matter! What I would say is that, being in 'Tis stated also to exist on air.

the scientific line (I wash the bottles for Mr. Doseuam, that keeps the Although no good, 'twas no ill, I'll be bound,

chemist's shop in street), I should like to increase my earoings Where puzzled people asked “How came it there ?"

by writing for Fun.
All wond'ring gazed this apparition at,

What do you think of this :-
And some folks said'twas this, while others said 'twas that!

CH, CH,
1.

0
This word, to be curt, 'll

н
The love of the turtle
Imply—and green fat rather more than green myrtle.

1

H 2.

0
CH

II
For this beautiful bay of the Tropics
In the Northern Pacific you'll seek,

CH,
'Mid a group, that was one of the topics
of the Telegraph leaders last week.

It looks funny, don't it? I copied it out of a paper the Governor takes

in. I could supply you with any quantity of this.--Yours, 3.

PILGARLIC. The food of love, by which I don't mean music:

P.S.—Please let the printers do it as I havo written—that is, if you
As an affair of fare 'twould soon make you sick.

pay per column. If not, it don't matter.
4.
She raised the deadly rifle,

A Terrible Want.
And a fatal bead she drew, some!

WELL may people complain of the dearth of servants if they advertise
On the man who'd dared to trifle

for domestics in such awful terms as those of the following notice, cut With the Indian maiden's boosom!

from a west country journal:And then-when she had thus contrived to pot him

WANTED, a Good Cook, as General Servant, whero another is kept., Must Named herself! “Oh, my aim! I-I have shot him!”

have an undeniable character, four in family, late dinner. Wages, £2) per

annum. Strictly economical, able to manage house during absence of family, milk 5.

and dairy, one cow, make broad, and live near a small town in North Devon.She inspires the pale lover his mistress's eyebrow

Apply, &c.
To praise in a sonnet.

“ Good cooks" don't often take “general servants," places, but it is She's a classical maid, and has genins's high brow

hard to expect that in addition to this, the applicant must have neither And bec in the boonet!

more nor less than four children, and a late dinner. The wages seem

* strictly economical,” as stated—especially when the poor creature 6.

will have to manage the house, when its inhabitants and the dairy and From these portals too oft will craft issue

one cow are away. “Make bread and live near a small town in North Yet cannot, I fancy, come back.

Devon" puzzles us. The sentences are so involved that we are not But the best craft that leaves them in this you

quite sure whether it is the dairy that makes bread or the cow that Will surely agree) is a smack!

lives near the small town, or both, or neither. We have put the 7.

question to the most acute intellect on our staff, and his answer is

Yes.”
If anatomy rightly
The structure unsightly

“ They Manage these Things Better in France."
Of these little urchins defines,
They must seem an enormity-

In England, when we raise any one to a peerage, we never think Quite a deformity !

of selecting a fitting title-by which we mean a title that does not Each one has several spines !

extinguish the identity of the new peer. LORD STRATHNAIRN is an

instance of this. In a short time few people will remember that this 8.

title is "the thing we call a " Sir Hugh “Rose;-by any other name" North of the Tweed of this, I grant,

-say Lord DAMASK or DOGROSE-we should be reminded of the They'd make a meal: but here we can't.

General's original nomenclature, and the distinguished services by

which he won his peerage. They manage these things better in 9.

France! The title of the Duc DE BOUILLON immediately supplies a This word by some peculiar force

hint-we might say a soup-gon-of his descent from the famous Makes those who utter it seem hoarse.

TURENNE!
ANSWER TO ACROSTIC No. 23.

Too Sharp by Half.
с Chit

We clip the following from a contemporary :-
А Ayah
H

“Great men make mistakes as well as little ones. This was illustrated once by P Plume E

Curran, who took the position that all men are not created free and equal.' Said T Taliafico

he, 'Only two men were created, and one of them was a woman.' I Ibid

“Great men make mistakes as well as little ones." Very true; but V Vero

the little men make the biggest blunders! Our contemporary is a E Ether R

case in point. He does not see the Irish and fine satire of CURRAN'S s Sneeze remark; and he forgets that “man

homo" as well as

"vir.” We will take CURRAN in this instance in preference to the CORRECT SOLUTIONS OF ACROSTIC No. 23, RECEIVED 21st August :--Ruby; 0. K. journalistic goose-berry which is always looked for at this season. (Brighton); Mr. W ; E. M. L. ; Nova Cruz; A. T.; C. L. (Liverpool).

WOODQUEST:-The change was made at the request of numerous correspondents in remote districts, whose solutions could not reach us in time under any other arrangement.

Architechnical. BETSY H., cum multis aliis, writes to ask why we spell the name of the rainy saint with a "u"-Swithun. We must refer her to Notes and Queries, or the the Houses of Parliament, but there appears to be some mistake about

It was always supposed that the late Sır CHARLES Barry designed nearest archæologist.

it. The son of another distinguished architect has been what Mrs. Sporting Intelligence.

PARTINGTON might call im-Putin-ing the statement.
ALTHOUGH there is a very poor supply of grouse for the sportsman
this year, we believe that September will offer him plenty of birds.

Seasonable.
We are informed on good authority that a PARTRIDGE was seen in the What to eat, drink, and avoid just now.-Grouse! Champagne!!
neighbourhood of the Lambeth Police-court only last week.

and Work!!!

[ocr errors]

can mean

[graphic][subsumed][subsumed][ocr errors][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][ocr errors][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed][subsumed]

OUR NATIONAL PORTRAIT GALLERY.–No. 3. CHARLES MATHEWS.

LITTLE ADDRESSES TO BIG NAMES.

When a man travels the journey of life

He gets a few rubs in the bustle and strife;
OUR young Old Stager,

Gets, all his life,
I fancy one may safely lay a wager

A few rubs in the bustle and strife.
That half-a-dozen years will pass away
(Perhaps a dozen years, but that's no matter),

You, my CHARLES ! upon the stream
And leave you still upon the boards to play

Have danced as lightly as a bubble ;
Young Wilding, Plumper, Puff, and Captain Patter.

Lived your life as in a dream,
I may not lire to see them-or I may;

And never taken any trouble

To do as I and other fools are doing,
It's quite a chance, and where's the good of betting ?
I only know that, when—the other day-

Who save up sorrows of our own pursuing,
I came across you, all that I could say

And store them in our heart's most precious places,

As people store their butterflies in cases !
Was, "Bless my soul, how very young you're getting!"

Care (the villain)—Time (the thief),
May bring other folks to grief;—

Quite So!
You'll go on, it's my belief,
And flourish like METHUSALEM.

The Directors of the Electric and International Telegraph Company
CHARLES MATHEWS-ALEM!

in their half-yearly report refer to the rumoured intention of GovernMATHEWS-ALEN-MATHEWS-ALEM!

ment to purchase the telegraphs for the State, to be worked by the Old MATHEWS-ALEM

General Post-office. They allege that this uncertainty makes it diffiWas quite a fool to you, Sir!

cult for them to develop the system, but “they trust that they may be

able in their next report to give to the proprietors a more satisfactory When a man travels the journey of life

explanation of their position.' If they are sincere in the hope they He gets a few rubs by the bustle and strife ;

express, their course is an easy one. They need not develop the system. And if he's in want of a “Murray,” perchance

It will be quite enough for them to carry out honestly their present I can give him a sketch of the route at a glance :

arrangements. If they will execute their work with care, cheapness,

and despatch, the account they will have to render will be utterly Mammy's lap—coral and pap-fussery, nussery-cry, cry.

satisfactory. While they continue to deliver incorrect messages at Heaps of toys-racket and noise-hummery, drummery—fie, fie !

high rates and in a most dilatory manner, they will never get a good Off to school—dull as mule—fag away, drag away-slow, slow.

case for the proprietors.
Early love-coo like a dove-sighery, fiery-glow, glow.
Choose a career-prospects queer-failery, wailery-gruff, gruff.
Lesson learnt-candle burnt-flickery, wickery-puff, puff.

A Head-Saint-er.
Fussery, nussery, hummery, drummery, fag away, drag

away, sighery, The Court Circular informs us that “the EMPEROR of AUSTRIA has fiery, failery, wailery, flickery, wickery, laughing, chaffing, moaning, conferred the order of St. Stephens upon his Royal Highness the groaning, illery, pillery, doctors' billery, sad enough, mad enough, PRINCE of WALES.”. Perhaps, on the strength of this decoration, the glad when you've had enough.

PRINCE will re-consider his decision not to visit Dublin.

[graphic]
[graphic]
[graphic]
« PreviousContinue »