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ATHLETIC SPORTS AT SYDENHAM.

BY OUR OWN GANDIN.

that I take to myself a new rôle. Comprehend me. I am now no
longer the flâneur, the bon-vivant, the gandin; but the athlete, the
apostle of muscularity; the disciple of the agile trapeziste, the coureur,

ONCE more I render myself in this atmosphere at the same time the leaper, the boxeur of the English.
torrid, humide, brumous, all that can be made of change.
But let me be veritable.

The climate even of Paris makes to itself all that there.

In these days there is nothing which we do not exchange we internationals. The Treaty of Commerce is an accomplished fact. Therefore among the rest foggs; rains; fleuves Noahique. That goes without telling.

But one must suffer if one would live. I myself have succumbed; I, your Gandin-flanêur indifferent, philosophique, stoique of the Boulevard and the Bourse. And with a veritable passion, a pain to the heart. That, too, was international, commercial, and, like the treaty of our great nations, gave all to one side.

I speak now nothing of our Grande Exposition. All the world knows it. They have there a bar Britannique, a restaurant of the English, and who but I know well how to advise myself of it! I who am myself saturated with the customs of your country:-the cattle show, the market for beastails, the rosbif, the publicous. I who know to sing even your ballade of the lowlife, your Sevendial, your musicall, nous sommesencore ici. We are above everything jolidogs. Your English flagon, your quart pot, has a bottom of glass. Mirror through which to look at the world. Through that I saw her. Angelicfaëresque-blooming of a thousand charms, the belle Anglaise Dryade, Nereide, Mermeide, Barmeide of the restaurant

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I have joined the Turn Verein Institution Germanic Vehmgericht, which sets itself to kill the tyrants of humanity-sloth, gourmandism, and the too profound sentiments of the love. Behold me, then, in the costume, picturesque and unembarrassed, of the gymnasium. I wield the club of the Indian, I throw myself at the bar horizontal, I think of that other bar in Paris, and come with empressement on my back. Let that suffice. The practices make the perfection, as your insular proverb teaches, and I am sailing through the air, bird-like, of the trapeze: "Ya-ho-go it, you jolidogs! Who can stay when he has once launched himself? There is but one way to reach again the earth. It is to let go! What if you again fall on your back! Bring to us the pale ales and the shandygaff, and we will be of the boxeurs. "Ponch my head, my friend. Thank you, Sir; I have give myself one for my nob, and you take back a stinger of your moggs with my left. Ha ha! Thank you, Sir." Yes, it is to learn the technique of La Belle Life. Vive la Vie des Belles! vive les Belgians! vive la bagatelle! Vive GUILLAUME TELL, Vive THURTELL, Vive VATEL, Vive MARTEL!

Thank you, Sir!

For, dear boy! for, dear boy!

Il est mon ami! Il est mon ami!
Ma chou-chou, ma chou-chou.

He's palealeo'mine, he's palealeo'mine.

Oh yes, you have give me the coup that leaves

A Pretty Turn-out!

But in this Dryade, Nereide, Mermeide, Barmeide, are one. They me of the most groggie. mock themselves of your love; when once you are in the tourbillon, the poolwhirl. So I render myself each day at the English restaurant. I drink, I am in a deluge of beers, and not till I am embloated, my figure on which I justly pride myself, and vanished in its place a tonneau, what you call baril-cask; not till that supreme calamity,

does she mock herself of love.

I also mock; but I fly.

I set myself to cure this maladie of the mind and of the body at once by the same stroke.

I find the remedy: the grand medicine on my way to England. It

having reduced the rate of fares, the men have adopted the plan of
THE car-drivers of Cork are on strike. The municipal authorities
not plying on Sundays. Of course, like true Irishmen, they call the
strike a "turn-out," for the obvious reason that they don't turn-out!

FUN LIBRARY.

The Fifth Edition of the First Volume of the "BROWN PAPERS"

is here at your vast Exposition of Sydenham, your Crystal Palace, is now ready. Price One Shilling.

London: Printed by JUDD & GLASS, Phoenix Works, St. Andrew's Hill, Doctors' Commons, and Published (for the Proprietor) by W. ALDER, at 80, Fleet-street, E.C.

August 24, 1867.

The

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Birdcatcher (to our artist on a sketching excursion):-"'ULLO, MATEY! WOT LUCK 'A YER 'AD? SPARRERS OR FINCHES ?"

KEEPING UP THE SYSTEM !

Он, have you read the Saturday, and have you seen the Lancet?
Lock up the wine and spirits! Out of sight that pewter can set !
The present generation, old and young, too freely tipples,
And hence the lot of lunatics, of idiots, and cripples!
For stimulants which people take for keeping up the system

The Best Joke of the Season.

THE French dramatic authors have been petitioning Parliament to protect their copyright in their pieces against the plagiarism of the English authors of "new and original" dramas. A deputation of our Dramatic Authors' Society waited upon LORD STANLEY at the Foreign Office the other day to support the petition of the French playwrights. TAYLOR! We understand that MR. BILL SYKES is about to introduce to the HOME SECRETARY a deputation from Cribcracking-alley to petition for increased stringency in the laws for the punishment of robbery with violence. Thus, a good example is never lost!

The brains they craze or obfuscate, and, as for limbs, they twist 'em. Will it be believed that one member of the deputation was MR. TOM
'Tis said that into babies' hands too soon the nurses stick cups,
With alcoholic mixtures in, to give the dears the hiccups:
That ladies-this appears the worst of all these most distressing cases-
Have their private flasks of spirits-keep them in their dressing-cases:
That doctors, too, are much to blame for giving, per prescription,
Strong drinks, of which their patients they should bid a single sip shun:
That e'en young ladies at a ball, in this too fast and clever age,
Prefer champagne or claret-cups to negus as a beverage.
In short, that in the matter, drink, our nation past all hope errs,
That men and women, boys and girls, both old and young, are topers.
Good gracious! What a fearful thing to contemplate! Preserve us!
The very thought quite makes me ill-uncomfortable-nervous-
In fact, I'd better-just a drop-to make my nerves more steady-
And not much water-thank you! Yes-I'm better, much, already!
NOTE.

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It must not be forgotten, however, that MR. TAYLOR is nothing when he is not "new and original.' The screaming farce of his appearance at the Foreign Office on such a mission is "adapted," no doubt, from a comedy performed in the House of Commons at the commencement of the late Session, when a great contracting M.P. moved for a Committee of Inquiry into the financial mismanagement of the Lendem, Cheatem, and Doem Railway.

B.A-sy!

REALLY this advertisement is quite refreshing this hot weather. It acts like a refrigerator, it is so deliciously cool!

A

GENTLEMAN, aged 24, B.A. of Oxford, of good family, but without means, desires (in good faith) marriage with a young lady of good family, who has means sufficient to support both. She must be good-looking and good tempered, and not older than 21; dark beauty is preferred.- Address, &c.

It is not every man who has the impudence to suppose that by the outlay of a few shillings in advertisements he can secure a wife with youth, birth, beauty, and amiability, not to mention a fortune! We can't help thinking B.A. Oxon must be a quadruped of another kind!

"That were a Consummation."

A FRIEND of ours, who has been the victim of false prophets, says that he wishes the turf were on its last "legs."

A DREAM OF THE SEA-SIDE.

OH! daintiest darling in ravishing dress,
And incense that floats from each tremulous tress,
With bottines bewitching, and smallest of feet,
And bonnet of rose-buds so pertly petites.

Will you welcome me back to the sea-side once more,
As you walk by the wavelet that curls on the shore?
Will you teach me the lesson, all others above,

As I learn one sweet tense of the dear verb "I love?"

It's stupid, carina, just now here in Town,

And the trees in the Park are all dusty and brown,
In Kensington Gardens so lonely I pace,

And no flower in the parterre has charms like your face.
In fact, dear, this London's consumedly slow,
When I watch for your figure in vain in the Row;
And I miss the dear clasp of a shy little hand,
And I long for the sea-side and walks on the sand.
We'll stroll when the moon-shimmer sleeps on the tide,
And I'll dream of the future with you by my side;
And the stars will look down on the rose of your cheek,
As you blush at the words of devotion I speak;
And we'll talk of the poets we both love so well,
Of the strange verse of BROWNING, and TENNYSON's spell,
When his magical melody bears us along
To the regions enchanted of eloquent song.

But away with the dream-you'll be walking, perchance,
With some partner you favour'd last night in the dance;
And I'm only remembered, false siren, as one
That you flirted with here till the season was done;
And the nonsense we talk'd, as the reader may guess,
Though it might be of love meant just nothing-or less;
I'll betake me to Paris and gay lands afar-
"Ho! waiter, a 'cock-tail '—and bring a cigar!"

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SOCIETY.

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T last the Parlia-
mentary shop is
shut, and that
nte prising
and obliging
trader in mea-
sures, MR.
DISRAELI, can
get away for
his holidays-
and no man
deserves them
more. He has
been always at
his post ready
to supply any
article his cus-
tomers required
from House-

No one, I am sure, can have read LADY WALDEGRAVE's wise words at Wigton without taking off the hat of his heart, as an Irishman would say, to the good Countess. Her kindly-sensible speech should be printed and hung up in every national school in the kingdom, and might find a place in every kitchen in the land. She has said exactly the right thing in a way which should not give offence to the most sensitive PHILLIS. But her Ladyship's word may find an echo elsewhere than in the kitchen. A love of dress is the prevailing fault of the day, and Miss Middleclass may take a hint from the experience of fourscore years. All honour to the COUNTESS OF WALDEGRAVE,

say I!

It seems no easy matter to find even a shadow of a reason for the extraordinary conduct of the HOME SECRETARY with regard to the exercise of the prerogative of mercy. If the Home Office were a fancy fair where condemned prisoners might dip in the lucky bag for blank pardons, the remissions of the capital sentence could hardly be more unaccountable and capricious. If the power cannot be exercised with better judgment it had better be revoked altogether, for it merely brings justice into contempt, and weakens the terrors of the law. The question of Capital Punishment has been gravely and patiently weighed and debated, and the nation, which has devoted so much thought and time to the inquiry, can hardly be expected to stand quietly by while a young and inexperienced minister plays fast and loose with the principles that have been the objects of so much argument and reflection. On the whole, the HOME SECRETARY has done little to increase the public confidence in him. He has forfeited his pledges with regard to the great blot of our system-Pauperism; and he has done little save introduce an obnoxious and ill-timed Bill about the Parks and then withdraw it when it had done all the mischief and none of the good it could do. Such tactics have not even the merit of originality, for history records that the KING OF FRANCE with forty thousand men marched up a hill and then marched down again. Such adaptations from the French are undesirable unless MR. HARDY wishes to be the TOM TAYLOR of politics.

Apropos! There has been much emptying of vials of wrath on the head of MR. HOLLINGSHEAD for his article on Dramatic Critics in the Broadway. It is odd, by the way, that the two journals that are angriest with him for revealing the names of dramatic critics are precisely those two whose critics were not named! Well, I must say I think that this revealing of the secrets of the press prison-house is not quite etiquette. But, then, at times strong remedial measures must be put in force :-quackery must be exposed now and then for the general good. I wish MR. HOLLINGSHEAD would whip out his surgical instruments once more, and lay bare the diseased organisation of the present dramatic criticism of the Times, no longer written by the scholar and man of letters who is named in the Broadway as the critic of the Thunderer. The Times of last Wednesday contained a column of the most gross and clumsy flattery of the MISSES TERRY-actresses of considerable merit, but by no means deserving of the extravagant rant with which their injudicious eulogist damages rather than assists their reputation. The article in question is a bungling attempt to answer a very just, moderate, and well-written critique on Miss TERRY'S Beatrice, which appeared in the Pall Mall. An unblushing puff of the revived Unequal Match (very new and original that!) followed the next day, and betrays the writer at once-there is only one man who would so puff MR. TAYLOR. The retirement of MR. OXENFORD would under any circumstances be a loss to the interests of the stage; but when his gentlemanly and scholarly writing is replaced by prejudiced and worthless nonsense, his retirement becomes a calamity.

I have been somewhat amused by the solemn way in which a hold Suffrage Glasgow paper I received the other day attributes the break-down of downwards, a Sunday excursion steamer to a special judgment, instead of seeing that vessels worn out in other service are generally told off for the excursion business. If every ship that sails on "the Sabbath" is to be wrecked, how is it that all vessels which make long journeys, say between England and Australia and America, are not lost? It is a pity that our "unco guid" friends don't see that. When they draw up a list of steamers employed in the Sunday trade, and show how "judgments" have destroyed several, and run up a bill for a thousand pounds for repairs already this season, they are doing something which is dangerously like accusing PROVIDENCE of "rattening."

and he has carefully inspected the stock of boroughs and counties with a view to discovering which were the bad eggs. But his task is accomplished at last. He has restored the credit of the establishment-the old firm of DERBY, DISRAELI, AND Co., has taken a new lease, and "hopes by a constant attention to business," &c., &c., &c. I wish the CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER a pleasant holiday and lots of fine weather.

If one may believe the Totnes Times, a gigantic feat was performed at the regatta held on the Dart at Totnes the other day. That able provincial journal, after praising the members of the committee, adds

"Also, Capt. D- cannot be too much extolled for his active exertions in carrying out the holiday, and the Mayor also." Surely some local APELLES can be found to immortalize the athletic performance on canvas, to be placed in the Town Hall of Totnes. We would suggest, in the interests of that threatened borough, that the gallant Captain, having carried a holiday and a Mayor, should try to carry an election on purity principles, and so save the reputation

of his town.

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WELL may people complain of the dearth of servants if they advertise for domestics in such awful terms as those of the following notice, cut from a west country journal:

WANTED, a Good COOK, as General Servant, where another is kept. Must
have an undeniable character, four in family, late dinner. Wages, £2 per
annum. Strictly economical, able to manage house during absence of family, milk
and dairy, one cow, make bread, and live near a small town in North Devon.-
Apply, &c.

"Good cooks" don't often take "general servants," places, but it is
hard to expect that in addition to this, the applicant must have neither
more nor less than four children, and a late dinner. The wages seem
"strictly economical," as stated-especially when the poor creature
will have to manage the house, when its inhabitants and the dairy and
one cow are away.
"Make bread and live near a small town in North
Devon" puzzles us, The sentences are so involved that we are not
quite sure whether it is the dairy that makes bread or the cow that
lives near the small town, or both, or neither. We have put the
question to the most acute intellect on our staff, and his answer is
"Yes."

"They Manage these Things Better in France."

In England, when we raise any one to a peerage, we never think of selecting a fitting title-by which we mean a title that does not extinguish the identity of the new peer. LORD STRATHNAIRN is an instance of this. In a short time few people will remember that this title is "the thing we call a" SIR HUGH "ROSE;-by any other name" -say LORD DAMASK or DOGROSE-we should be reminded of the General's original nomenclature, and the distinguished services by which he won his peerage. They manage these things better in France! The title of the Duc DE BOUILLON immediately supplies a hint-we might say a soup-gon-of his descent from the famous TURENNE!

Too Sharp by Half.

WE clip the following from a contemporary :

"Great men make mistakes as well as little ones. This was illustrated once by Curran, who took the position that all men are not created free and equal.' Said he, Only two men were created, and one of them was a woman." "Great men make mistakes as well as little ones." Very true; but the little men make the biggest blunders! Our contemporary is a case in point. He does not see the Irish and fine satire of CURRAN'S remark; and he forgets that "man' can mean "homo as well as "vir." We will take CURRAN in this instance in preference to the

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CORRECT SOLUTIONS OF ACROSTIC NO. 23, RECEIVED 21ST AUGUST:-Ruby; O. K. journalistic goose-berry which is always looked for at this season.

(Brighton); Mr. W; E. M. L.; Nova Cruz; A. T.; C. L. (Liverpool).
WOODQUEST:-The change was made at the request of numerous correspondents

in remote districts, whose solutions could not reach us in time under any other
arrangement.

BETSY H., cum multis aliis, writes to ask why we spell the name of the rainy
saint with a "u"-Swithun. We must refer her to Notes and Queries, or the
nearest archæologist.

Sporting Intelligence..

ALTHOUGH there is a very poor supply of grouse for the sportsman this year, we believe that September will offer him plenty of birds. We are informed on good authority that a PARTRIDGE was seen in the neighbourhood of the Lambeth Police-court only last week.

Architechnical.

It was always supposed that the late SIR CHARLES BARRY designed the Houses of Parliament, but there appears to be some mistake about it. The son of another distinguished architect has been what MRS. PARTINGTON might call im-PUGIN-ing the statement.

Seasonable.

WHAT to eat, drink, and avoid just now.-Grouse! Champagne!! and Work!!!

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OUR NATIONAL PORTRAIT GALLERY.-No. 3. CHARLES MATHEWS.

LITTLE ADDRESSES TO BIG NAMES.

OUR young Old Stager,

I fancy one may safely lay a wager

That half-a-dozen years will pass away

(Perhaps a dozen years, but that's no matter),

And leave you still upon the boards to play

Young Wilding, Plumper, Puff, and Captain Patter.

I may not live to see them-or I may;

It's quite a chance, and where's the good of betting?

I only know that, when-the other day

I came across you, all that I could say

Was, "Bless my soul, how very young you're getting!"

Care (the villain)-Time (the thief),

May bring other folks to grief;

You'll go on, it's my belief,

And flourish like METHUSALEM.

CHARLES MATHEWS-ALEM!

MATHEWS-ALEM-MATHEWS-ALEM!

Old MATHEWS-ALEM

Was quite a fool to you, Sir!

When a man travels the journey of life

He gets a few rubs by the bustle and strife;

And if he's in want of a "Murray," perchance

I can give him a sketch of the route at a glance :

Mammy's lap-coral and pap-fussery, nussery-cry, cry. Heaps of toys-racket and noise-hummery, drummery-fie, fie! Off to school-dull as mule-fag away, drag away-slow, slow. Early love-coo like a dove-sighery, fiery-glow, glow. Choose a career-prospects queer-failery, wailery-gruff, gruff. Lesson learnt-candle burnt-flickery, wickery-puff, puff. Fussery, nussery, hummery, drummery, fag away, drag away, sighery, fiery, failery, wailery, flickery, wickery, laughing, chaffing, moaning, groaning, illery, pillery, doctors' billery, sad enough, mad enough, glad when you've had enough.

When a man travels the journey of life
He gets a few rubs in the bustle and strife;
Gets, all his life,

A few rubs in the bustle and strife.

You, my CHARLES! upon the stream
Have danced as lightly as a bubble;
Lived your life as in a dream,

And never taken any trouble

To do as I and other fools are doing,

Who save up sorrows of our own pursuing,

And store them in our heart's most precious places,

As people store their butterflies in cases!

Quite So!

THE Directors of the Electric and International Telegraph Company in their half-yearly report refer to the rumoured intention of Government to purchase the telegraphs for the State, to be worked by the General Post-office. They allege that this uncertainty makes it difficult for them to develop the system, but "they trust that they may be able in their next report to give to the proprietors a more satisfactory explanation of their position." If they are sincere in the hope they express, their course is an easy one. They need not develop the system. It will be quite enough for them to carry out honestly their present arrangements. If they will execute their work with care, cheapness, and despatch, the account they will have to render will be utterly satisfactory. While they continue to deliver incorrect messages at high rates and in a most dilatory manner, they will never get a good case for the proprietors.

A Head-Saint-er.

THE Court Circular informs us that "the EMPEROR of AUSTRIA has conferred the order of St. Stephens upon his Royal Highness the PRINCE of WALES." Perhaps, on the strength of this decoration, the PRINCE will re-consider his decision not to visit Dublin.

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