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'Tis well to praise our English maids,

For eyes and bright expression,
For hair arranged in dainty braids,

For feet-this is digression.
For merry voices, winning ways,

Clear faces, ringing laughter ;-
Your perfect beauty seldom pays,

For how about hereafter?
I have a maiden in my eye-

My mind's eye-don't mistake me-
For whose affection I shall try,

Unless weak tromors shake me,
Come, drink her health! Wilt take a pull ?

A bottle ? come and crack it!
For, oh! she looks so beautiful

When cutting out a jacket!


The course of events may be trusted,

Howe'er it may happen to run;
And I'm not altogether disgusted

With anything under the sun.
It is folly to be a regretter

That Fate seems a little perverse, –
When I fancy things might have been better,

I know that they might have been worse.
Let the luck of a life be collected;

You'll find, if you reason it out,
That if one thing is worse than expected,

The next will be better, no doubt.
So let me suggest to the fretter,

Who thinks Disappointment a curse,
That if many things might have been better,

They certainly might have been worse.

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The Write Way to Do It. An Irish paper states that MR. WHALLEY is 80 popular among the peasantry that he is inundated with letters asking for his autograph, and feels obliged to keep three clerks always at work to supply the required article.


Mddle. ERACLEO are the vocalists ; the latter, who is very pretty, has

one of those extraordinary Spanish voices which never will keep in In the Hunchback, M188 TERRY, appears to much greater advantage tune, and the former has that Italian style which never will keep in than in Much Ado about Nothing-in fact, we consider Juliu one of the time. lady's best parts. Putting certain mannerisms of action out of the question, it is a fine performance, and we agree with Miss Terry's

Reason and Rhyme. idolators that no actress on the London boards could play the charac- REALLY our provincial contemporaries should be more careful of our ter better. The younger Miss TERRY is a delicious Helen—a coquette common language-by ich we don't mean vulgar language, for that with a heart, and a romp without an atom of coarseness. Her front our friends deal in. Here's an extract from the Scarborough Merscenes with Modus, bring the house down with a run. Mr. STUART, is

cury : a long-winded and guttural Master Walter ; and Mr. Neville plays

“The usual loyal and complimentary toasts were given by the chairman; Mr. Clifford respectably. In the fourth act he should make the pride of William Hodgson ; Mr. Auburn, Hunmanby; Dr. Cross, Scarborough; and Mr. Sir Thomas more dignified and less sullen; he looks a little too fero- Smart, Aberford; which was briefly responded to by Messrs. Staveley, Kilham, cious and vindictive. Stage management as usual; wedding guests Atkinson, and

Smart. The Scarborough

Volunteer Artillery Band was in attendgorgeous in apparel and unembarrassed in attitude-scenery full of of the scene."

ance during the day, and whose lively strains DONE much to enhance the pleasure humour.

The Covent Garden Concerts go swimmingly. Strauss is the hero It would be useless to reason with the S. M., so we'll rhyme :of the evening:—"like CERBERUS, three gentlemen in one"-composer,

Such grammar as Scarborough's conductor and leader. Mr. J. M. Wehli is a pianist of the pyrotechnic

Really is barbarous ! school; one of those players who tear a pianoforte to rags—to very tatters—to split the ears of the groundlings in the Promenade. As

From the Colonies. regards execution, Mr. Wehli's playing is remarkable; he has great power in the left hand, and is peculiarly dexterous at octaves. A of the Legislative Assembly will have to be promptly enlarged to

RABBITS have increased so plentifully in Victoria, that the buildings selection from Gounod's Romeo and Juliet is admirably played by accommodate the representatives of the numerous burrows that have SIGNOR Bottesini's orchestra, and gives us a meaner opinion of the composer's talent than ever. The music is dancy and showy, and that's a colonial journal, “ in places where they were not expected to be.”

English hares have also shown themselves," says

sprung up there. all. A blatant fanfare leads us in one part to a scrap of diddle-dum, Three were discovered on the right cheek of a young gentleman of that is hardly worth remembering. There is a mild infusion of sixteen, who has devoted half his life to the cultivation of whiskers. MEYERBEER in this music which is not unpleasant; but we prefer The Acclimatisation Society is reported to be greatly delighted at this taking our MEYERBEER neat. The Ragoczy March, arranged by Berlioz, result of the importation of Macassar. and performed by the band, is a feature in the programme. Mr. LEVEY, who has been called PAGANINI redivivus-plays a dull solo on the violin. PAGANINI appears to have got out of his coffin in such a WHY WERE THE DAUGHTERS OF MOSES VERY “SWEET GIRLS"?hurry as to have left his brains behind him. Mddle SAROLTA and Because they were Mo' lasses.

London : - Printed by JUDD & GLA83, Phenix Works, St. Andrew's Hill, Doctors' Commons, and Published (for the Proprietor) by W. ALDER, a. 80, Fleet-street, E.C.

August 31, 1567.

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What, CUPID! at your thefts again!

Too bad, by half, you little traitor.
But here your efforts will be vain;

Cantabit vacuus viator.
Yes; point the arrow-bend the bow-

At which your mother made you clever.
My heart's at home, Love; but I know

There's nothing in it whatsoever.
You stole—but I forgive the theft-

All that was ever worth your stealing,
You gave it CHLOE, and you left

No scrap of sentiment or feeling.
I weigh the joy against the grief,

And pardon you my fret and feyer :
For I consider Love the thief-

No worse than Chloe—the receiver !



SAUNTERING down the shady hollow,

Strolling o'er the sunny sands,
Letting fancy idly follow

Steamers bound for distant lands;
Watching through the distance hazy

Vessels standing out to sea,
Aren't we lazy- awful lazy ;

Lazier chaps there couldn't be.
Down to see the tide out-running,

Back to watch the tide come in,
This we think enjoyment stunning,

Hands on stick supporting cbin.
Meditations always mazy,

Not a thought among the three
Aren't we lazy-awful lazy ;

Lazier chaps there couldn't be.
What's the use of always thinking ?

Don't we over-tax the brain ?
After eating, after drinkiog,

Comes the time for both again.
Pitching stone and plucking daisy

Tire our fingers out, you see.
Aren't we lazy-awful lazy ;

Lazier chaps there couldn't be!

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long ago.

Not Worth so many Pins !

Answers to Correspondents. A Young man committed suicide in Paris the other day by running fifty pins into his bosom; stating in a letter that he did so because his

(We cannot return rejected MSS. or sketches unless they are accomlife had been a series of disappointments, and adding, that he flattered panied by a stamped and directed envelope.] himself his mode of suicide was quite original. At all events, if his

FITZADAM.–Send your address and we will return the letter to you. life was disappointments, in his method of quitting it he carried his You must excuse our declining to have anything to do with

the matter. point-and fifty pins' points besides.

TOURIST.–Need not have gone so far to fetch a joke that was imported A New Saint.

Plato.—Not a dish to our liking.

A., who apologises for wasting our time, has, we fear, wasted bis own. The Court Circular informs us that “The King and QUEEN OF POR

H. J. T. (Tavistock.)—We'll try to lick that into shape. TUGAL have arrived at Saint Ildefouza.” The saint is quite a novelty to

A CORRESPONDENT, who assumes the name of “Tom Brown," and sends u8! Has some great gun been recently canonised, or is this only the us copy, wishes us to state here" if there is anything in it." We observe Portuguese for our old friend Kafouzalem ?

several mis-spellings in it-but that is all.

Tullus-Rhymes with dullus, which isn't Latin, but might be English Olympian.

if we were not particular as to rhyme.

F. A. (Barnsbury.)—Under consideration. It is rumoured that the object which the Lessee of the Olympic had B. C. (Paddington.)– We'll see what we can make of it. in view in engaging the young American actresses now performing at ARISTOPHANES. -Good, but it is not one of the birds we can aim at. that theatre, was to cause a WEBB-stir.

A CONSTANT SUBSCRIBER (Herne Hill).-Can't you be satisfied wita the portrait which appeared in our last ?

LIONEL.– We are considering.
Highly Probable.

ZANY.-We don't see that there's (z)any point in it.. A COMPETITOR in the late full-dress race by members of the Serpentine GINGER.—You need not be an astrologer to look at the stars. If you're Swimming Club informs us that this useful accomplishment involves only an astronomer you'll do. bodily exertion of no ordinary character, indeed, before he had swum Egamorbeg ; Fenian; w. c. T., Billy

Barlow, Edinburgh; F. P.

Declined with thanks :-F. A., Reading; “Bethnal Green ;" J. R.; one hundred yards he had not a dry thread about him!

A. T. L., Liverpool; A Subscriber; Electra; D. M. n., Liverpool;

Hearty; J. C., Islington; G. B., Portland-place ; B. F. H., Manchester; Political Intelligence.

J. B. C., Liverpool; Tom, Mies B., Sheffield; Sophroniscus; J. M.,

Frederick-crescent; W. C., Liverpool ; A Funster; A Wiper, Sheerness ; We understand Mr. GLADSTONE has gone to Hawarden. We feel H. B. B.; E. O., Maida Vale; J. W.; X. P., Brighton; J. McJ., Glasquite snre that Mr. WHALLEY is not going to soften any more—that is gow; W. L. F., Yeovil; W.'W. R., Dublin; Oxonian, Spalding i H.; impossible.


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She'd order up beef and potatoes as well, And cut off the joint until senseless she fell : (She fed herself

daily all reason beyond To gaze all the longer at SPIERS AND POND.) But FANNY, that frolicsome frivolous maid (Whose tastes were more airy than JENNY's the staid), To BERTRAM AND ROBERTS would hie her away, And swallow plum-pudding the rest of the day: The best of her dresses Miss Fanny she donned (AS JENNY did also for SPIERS AND POND).


I have only seen two magazines as yet. Tinsley's second number is a decided improvement on the first.“Dr. Brady" is admirable, and there is a pleasant article on “Taking the Air"- '-in a balloon. There is more verse this month than last, but hardly as neat and finished, though “St. Ambrose” is clever enough. « The Rock Ahead” goes on well. “Aunt Anastatia " is rather a bore, and strange to say“The Fashions" is a smart and amusing article. In Cassell's Magazine the most interesting article is a paper on ALEXANDER SMITH, by HAN

There are also a chatty essay on "Front Seats by DUTTON Cook, some sound articles on "Old Clothes,” “Hair Markets," and topics of that sort, and some very pleasant verses by ARTHUR LOCKER, brother of the author of “London Poems.” The illustrations, with the exception of Watson's frontispiece, might be better, I think; but it is hardly fair to pass judgment on them, they are, as a rule, so very badly printed. But you can't have everything for sixpence, I sup

The theatres are most of them closed, or closing, or about to re-open. The Royalty still fills every night. The Strand opened on last Monday with Mr. and Mrs. HOWARD PAUL. I went to the Princess's to see Mrs. Vezin in “ Masks and Faces," and was pleased - as I always am-with her acting. MR. MACLEAN and MR. PRICE supported her ably, but I cannot say very much for the rest of the cast.



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The Restaurateurs didn't seem for to care
For JENNY's soft ogle or Fanny's fond stare.
Said JENNY, “ Don't let us be taken aback,
Were probably on an erroneous tack,
And BERTRAM AND RORERT8 of me may be fond,
While you are beloved by SPIERS AND Poxd!”
“Oh, BERTRAM AND R., are you dying for me,
Or am I the chosen of SPIERS AND P.?
Oh, which is the angel and fostering star
Which firm have I collared in VENUS's bond ?
“Perhaps if you cannot completely agree
Which of you shall have Fanny and which shall have me,
And you wish for to go for to do what is right,
You will go to the Bois de Boulogne for to fight-
It's the mode that is popular in the beau monde, -
But SPIERS AND Pond are but perishing clay,
So they gasped and they gurgled and fainted away-
The burden of BERTRAM AND ROBERTs's song
Was “Goodness! how shocking! Oh, please go along !
With neither for worlds would we ever abscond!”
And “ Ditto for us,” exclaimed SPIERS AND POND.
Said Fanny, “How bold, and how dreadfully rude!”
" These men are too forward,” said Jenny the prude.
“Such youth and such beauty as both of us own
Are safe in the walls of a convent alone,
We shall there be the coarse persecutions beyond

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А во

An Arch-or Viaduct-Remark.

A Note of Admiration. From the Columbian Press. in these days when 90 many comic papers are serious, and so many The Columbian, CAPTAIN Baker, a new steamship belonging to the serious papers are intensely humorous, we are not quite sure whether West India and Pacific Steamship Company, has made the run out to our scientitic contemporary Engineering is joking or not in the following Colon in the extraordinary time of twenty-one days, including stopparagraph, clipt from a recent number :

pages of four days. After this un-comma’nly quick passage it must "FAILURE OF A RAILWAY VIADUCT IN INDIA.- The largest viaduct over the Chane have been found necessary to come to a full stop at Colon for coalin' Ghaut incline, 160 ft. bigh, have given way through faulty construction, and two purposes. Let us hope that the captains of all our ocean-going trains thereby narrowly escaped construction."

steamers will take a lesson in punctuation from CAPTAIN BAKER. The grammar is a little obscure, so we must guess what “the failure of the railway" means. In England lines don't fail until after they are

Purse-picuity! made, and have raised all the money and more) which Parliament HERE is a curious announcement:permits. In India it would seem they "narrowly escape construction." They evidently want a “PETO AND Bente” firm, over there :-the lines F PNB: some time, anya PURSE, containing money and the person who lost a would not escape construction then!

description, and paying cost of advertising.--Apply at 56, C.-street.

A purse containing both money and the person who lost it-for so the No Whalley Received.

sense or nonsense seems to run-would be a curiosity indeed! The

advertiser must be an extraordinary purse-'un !
It appears that the late Mr. Puoin was really the architect of the
Houses of Parliament, but that he did his drawings for the late Sir
C. Barry because he thought it useless to compete himself, being a

International Courtesies,
Catholic. This idea was a national calamity. Had he competed, we

The Sultan and the Viceroy of Egypt will, no doubt, feel highly feel sure no obstacle would have prevented his winning, and then--the gratified on learning that many English gentlemen have declared that thought almost takes away our breath—Mr. WHALLEY would (if he is they will not fire a shot upon the Moors this year. consistent) never huve sat in the building !

“Serious Explosion at the Mansion-House." A Bit o' History.

We have been surprised to note that a paragraph under this heading We seo an Ecclesiastical History announced by a Mr. Stoughton. has been going the round of the papers. "Judging from the reports of Considering the subject and the author's name, we fancy that it will the speeches delivered by some of the City magnates on festive not be without a drop or two of the well-known'" Stoughton Bitters." occasions, we should imagine thut explosions—of a side-splitting Theological books generally go in for a little relish of the sort.

character-are by no means rare in that locality, making it a matter of surprise that the press should consider the circumstance worthy of

notice. Why should the clerks in the Patent Office be a humorous get ?Because brevété is the soul of wit.

CHE RE BRITI STANDARD.-22 carat gold.

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