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General joy.

All partake of apples, which are handed about in LOST IN LONDON.

reckless profusion.

Enter SiR GILBERT. ACT I.-SCENE 1. JOB ARMROYD's Cottage. Enter Nelly.

Sir GILBERT.—I took this house of Ethel; or, Only a Life ; and it Nelly.—I am Job Arinroyd's wife. Ah, me!

was in this drawing-room that she died! It is a splendid room, in Enter JOB ARMROYD.

Danson's best style. Quite the Danson cheese! JOB.-Ay, lass, thee be. It be just thoct t'baccle nicht that Job

Enter NELLIE. Armroyd clacks t'ould mine to tak cammie thackle! [They embrace. Nellie.—Ah, I faint!

[Faints over easy shair. Enter TIDDY DRAGGLETHORPE.

Sir GILBERT (to attendant).- Do carry this tiresome woman away! TIDDY.—Eh, Job? Bock t'waite clacken taggie?

[They carry her arsay.

Enter Job. Nellie (mournfully).-Yes, Tiddy. (Aside.) I am the only person

SIR GILBERT.—Job Armroyd! in these parts who is intelligible, except Sir Gilbert Featherstone. Can my emotion at his presence be attributable to that fact? It

Job.--Ay, lad! Thees't gotten moi woife. Thackle bonnie barkie!

SIR Gilbert.-Tut! [Sighs.

[All tut.

Sre GILBERT (hospitably to guests).--Oh, I wish you'd all go into SCENE 2.Bleakmoor. Enter BENJAMIN BLINKER (a tiger) and Tippy.

some other room. I have business with this man. BLINKER.— Tiddy, have you got a biceps ?

[Guests bow, curtsey, and depart. TIDY.- Ah, lad !

[Bonnets him. JOB.--Give me moi wife!
BLIXKER, --True!
(Exit, thoughtfully.

Enter Nelly and SIR GILBERT.

NELLTE.-Ha! Job!

[Faints over grand piano. NELLIE.- Ah, me! Sir Gilbert, would you tear me from my home ? JOB-Nellie ! SIR GILBERT.-I would.

[ Tears her from her home. | Enter all the guests as if they had been listening at the keyhole. They Tiddy.- Eh? T'wold thockerfull dack t'bain clackie! I'll just all point NELLIE out to Sir GILBERT after the manner of triumphant gang tell Job!


fiends. SCENE 3.-A coal mine. Ten thousand additional lamps. Red fire. Sir GILBERT (annoyed). --All right! I see her!

[Tableau. Harmonic meeting apparently going on.

MR. P. BEDFORD in the chair. Chorus of convivial miners.

ACT III. Interior of a cottage. Enter TIDDY. JOB (reproachfully).—Ah, thockle, thockle!

Tiddy.—Ah, twockle bockers canna thwartle t'back!
[They all shake their heads.

Enter TIDDY down the shaft.

BLINKER.—I loves yer, for yer biceps !
Toddy.-Job, t'woife gangt awa' wi t'wockle Baronet !


[Kisses him. Exit BLINKBR. JOB.-Eh? Thot were wrang o' Nellie !

[AN swoon.

Enter NELLIE, very ill.

Nellie.--I am sick unto death! I have left Sir Gilbert and have ACT II. SCENE 1.- Regent's Park. Interior of Ferns Villa. Room come to live with Tiddy,

[Faints over coal-souttle. garnished with profusion of roses ; smiling corn-fields in distance. TODYEh! lass, t'best bork the bainst t'war! [Carries her out. Enter NELLIE, shivering.

Enter Job, determined. NELLIE.—How it is snowing without! I almost wish I hadn't run

JOB.—Sir Gilbert's comin' t'ould cottage to nicht. I'll wait.

Enter Sir GILBERT, cautiously, away with Sir Gilbert.. I really feel some remorse at having left poor

JOB.-Thee villain! Die! Job--and I express it by fainting over the furniture every quarter of

SiR GILBERT.-Nayan hour. But his dialect was so very provincial, that I could not stand

JOB,--Thees't tacken moi woife's love fra' me! bim. At all events, I can understand Sir Gilbert perfectly.

SiR GILBERT.-Nay; she could not understand you !

Job.-Die !

[Is about to fire pistol, when enter NELLIB. SIR GILBERT (with his hat on).—I have invited crowds of dis- NELLIE.- Do not shoot him! tinguished guests to a ball this evening.

Nellie (with some show of reason).-
Really, Sir Gilbert, you should NELLIE.-Wow!

[Dies over three-legged stool. have told me there is nothing but cold mutton in the house.

JOB.-Dead! Well, well moight this drama be called Lost in

[Faints over a sofa. Lunnon! SIR GILBERT.-Ha! Again!

[Carries her out. Enter Tiddy and MR. EBURNB in a pair of pantomime whiskers.

(Tableau of everybody, all shaking their heads except NELLIB.)

Tiddy.--Ah, lad. Oi be come t'seek sitivation.

[Exit MR. EBURNE, with pomp.

OURSELVES.—Very bad piece, very well acted, and placed upon the Enter Nellie.

stage in the usual Adelphi style. Tmpy.--Eh? It be our Nellie. Oh! thockt, thockt (quoting good old saying), “ T'bockle wrackle maks thwockt pookle!" NELLIE (hysterically).- Tiddy-iddy-iddyiddy-!

The Rights of Woman. (Faints over ottoman. We perceive that Mr. DISRAELI, in explaining his fancy-franchises, SCENE 2.- Exterior of Ferns Villa by night. Snow.

took particular pains to show that the payment of twenty shillings Enter BLINKER.

annually would not admit ratcatchers. This is to be regretted, as we BLINKER.--Oh, what a biceps she have got ! [Writhes. Exit.

hear it was the intention of Mr. John STUART Mill to bring forward

an amendment in reference to a subject in which he takes a local as Enter Job, broken.

well as a purely philosophical interest. Mr. MILL was to have JOB.--Eh? Ah! T'waite pack ’taks t'ould thortle!

moved :| Adelphi guests arrire all at once at Ferns Villa, in ball dresses, trudging “ That in the event of the electoral franchise being so extended as through the snow. Enter BLINKER.

to include Ratcatchers, this House is of opinion that the privilege BLINKER (cmtemplating Ferns Villa).—Oh, dear me, who would have should be likewise conferred upon the Daughters of the said Ratthought that the magnificent saloons of Ferns Villa, with their cor- catchers, whether residing within the Parliamentary Boundaries of ridors, ball-rooms, ante-chambers, and so forth, could have been Westminster, or on the other side of the Water, which term shall be crammed into such a very ordinary-looking cottage ! It never taken and held to have reference solely to the River Thames. occurred to me before. (Changing the subject) -Oh, what a biceps she “That such Daughters of such Ratcatchers as aforesaid, if indepen. have got!

[Exit, writhing in great agony. dently engaged in the Sale of Sprats, or other Fish, all round and SCENE 3.-Anto-room at Ferns Villa. Enter all the SERVANTS.

about that Quarter, shall be entitled to a dual Vote in such capacity; BLINKER.-As there's a large party going on in the drawing-room, such dual Vote, however, to cease and determine in the event of such what is more natural than that the servants should emb: ce thé Daughters of such Ratcatchers as aforesaid ceasing to be Spinsters by opportunity of singing comic songs with choruses in the adjoining contracting Marriage with Vendors of Sand, liły-white or otherwise."

And yet there are people who sneer at MR. Mill as a mere theorist ! apartment ? ALL.- Nothing! [They sing comic songs for half-an-hour.

Contradictory. SCENE 4.- Ball room. Ade'phi guests, in Berlin glores, frock coats,

fancy waistcoats, and affable manners, discovered dancing. They It may seem strange, but it is a fact well-known to those who have expatiate to their partners on the liberality of the entertainment. but a slight and superficial acquaintance with science, that if you keep Ladies in pink net, inade skimping, and no gloves, express their delight a fire thoroughly coaled, you will probably keep yourself thoroughly in the usual manner.that is to say, by holding up their hands. , warm.

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THE C. P. AT A LEVÉB. “What" (the wondering reader will ask himself when he sees the heading to this chapter) can a young man of the C. P.'s practical good sense want to spend his time in kotooing to Princes for?” And if the C. P.'s reply to this reasonable question is rather hazy, its haziness must be attributed to the following facts :

1. An organ grinder is playing an air called “I choose to be a bird" under the C. Pi's window, and when the C. P. scowls at him, the grinder smiles a kindly smile, as though, having been the philosopher's chosen friend in days long since, he felt sure that his re-appearance would raise a host of pleasant recollections in the C. P.'s mind.

2. A very large band of very small boys, all alike, is blessing the PRINCE OF WALEs in the distance.

3. A neighbouring chapel sees some reason in the fact that this is Wednesday morning, for ringing a shrewish tinkling bell for one hour.

4. It is on Wednesdays that intrusive h's and p's make their appearance in the middle of the whords—words, that is--that the C. P. places on the blue-laid quarto (lined) upon which he is in the habit of recording his ideas for the benefit of an eager public.

8. There is a family next door beating carpets.

6. There is another family, at the other next door, playing Ascher's Then comes a general officer of the old school-one of those stern old Danse Nègre.

disciplinarians of forty years ago. He is a martinet in every sense of 7. A mastiff over the way is baying like mad.

the word, and will send any officer of his brigade off parade who To quote Mr. Dick SWIVELLER,“ Under such a combination of dares to show a watch-chain. He is a particularly disagreeable sbaggerers, no man can be considered a free agent."

old gentleman to youngsters, and is, I am afraid, as much disliked
The C. P. did not go to Court to kotoo to Princes, although the as he is feared in his district. He swears good round oaths at young
kotooing to Princes happened to be one of the incidents of his progress men of birth, and, somehow, the young men of birth put up with
through St. James's Palace. He went to Court in order to set at them. It has always been a source of wonder to the C. P. how it is
rhest-rest, that is confound those h's !—a question which for many that army men, who are beyond all doubt brave and honourable as a
years had sore perplexed him—that is to say, “Why do people go to class, bring themselves to submit to the language which certain
Levées ?” They cannot all go to see why people go, as the philo- foul-mouthed old seniors hurl at their subordinates on the smallest
sopher did. Of course he is well aware that there are some people provocation.
whose position in society demands that they should show themselves Here is a yeomanry
at these singular gatherings once a year, or so, but these form but a cavalry officer talking to
small portion of those who attend. They go as a duty, and as a very the last new Radical mem-
tiresome duty, and very bored they all look. What the C. P. wanted ber. The C. P. ventures
to know is, what ExsIGN PARKER, of the Barbadoes Militia, CORNET to think that the yeo-
TOMPKINB, of the Afghanistan Irregulars, Brown, the big brewer, manry officer, who is also

GREEN, the great grocer, can possibly want over a deputy-lieutenant, and
and over again at St. James's ? The C. P. is a colonel of militia, is a
bound to admit that his doubts upon these fair sample of a large
points were not satisfactorily set at rest. class of civil soldiers. #c
Neither did two collateral questions, not does not look much like
bearing directly upon Levées, but growing a warrior ; but his posi-
out of them, meet with satisfactory solutions. tion in the county re-
What do people want in Yeomanry Regi- quires that he should
ments ? and why join the Hon. Corps. of identify himself with its
Gentlemen-at-Arms? The C. P. does not institutions. He is a
refer to the Gentlemen-at-Arms under the gentleman of good family,
new organization, but to the corps as it was and a true Conservative
three or four years since. “WILKINS deter- in politics, and is listen.
mining to be a Gentleman-at-Arms” is a ing to the new Radical
sketch which the C. P. regrets he has not member's views on Re-
space for in this chapter.

form, with a quiet, gen-
The C. P. has invariably noticed that, with tlemanly affectation of
all their faults, Scotch gentlemen are more interest, which induces
accessible to strangers than any other inhabi- the Radical gentleman to
tants of the British Isles; so he took the gallant suppose that he is bring-
Highlander on his left into his confidence, ing the old Conservative
and requested him to pilot the philosopher round to his views. But
through the gilded salon that leads to the the old Conservative was
Throne Room-a duty which the Highland never yet brought round
gentleman discharged with so much twangy to anybody's views. He
urbanity, that the C. P. will say nothing ill. was born and educated in
natured about him-except that he cannot certain opinions, and to
possibly imagine what that gentleman could these he will stick until
see in a Levée to induce him to come up all death.
the way from Edinburgh to attend it.

This is an unpleasant Next is a type of young man which struck the C. P. as being sight. The elder officer pleasantly characteristic of the better class of army men. He is, as is a fair type of a bad the intelligent reader will perceive, a light cavalry, man; and, save kind of Army Man—the that he is rather shallow-pated, not at all a bad-looking light cavalry Army Man whose body man. He is not brilliant, but he is very gentlemanly, smokes good has grown old with cigars, bets rather freely, is not above crôquet, fancies he knows greater rapidity than his all about a horse, is not much too fast, is a good waltzer, and a care- tastes. He delights in ful but not a foppish dresser. Altogether, taking the army as a the society of anyone whole, the C. P. is disposed to think that the typical light cavalry who


B za


can tell

him a




“gw story," which, in his sense, means a very bad story indeed;

A SERENADE. and the C. P. fears that his companionship will not tend to elevate the moral tone of the raw young gentleman who is whispering the

COME down to the river, last scandalous anecdote to the disgusting old satyr. It is an un

My dearest, my dove; pleasant spectacle, and the C. P. will be pardoned for not dwelling on it.

Where the grey willows quiver Here is the latest Q.C.,

The wavelets above, talking to a very worthy

Where the stream's soft meander the shore gently washesdeputy - lieutenant. The

But, oh, since it's damp, dear, pray bring your goloshes. Q.C. is not quite happy

Come out in the gloaming in his silk robes and full

And wander with me, bottomed wig. He has

By moonlight our roaming had to give up a capital

So blissful shall be : juior's practice, and he

Oh, come, but your true-love, sweet maid, is no traitor, doesn't know yet whether

He prudently whispers one word—“respirator.” hin practice as a leader will approach it. He has

Though skies unpropitious “ taken silk” rather too

Above us shall lower ; soon, but he has a wife

To meet is delicious, whose dream it has been

Despite of a shower. for years to see him in a

So come to your love, spite of rain, mia bella, Q.C. wig, and she has

But of course you will prudently bring an umbrella ! hurried the good gentleman into taking a step

Spring. which, if he had been left to himself, he would not have taken for half-a

The poet went abroad in the country to look for the sweet foredozen years. As for the

warnings of Spring. He wandered in woodlands and through pastures, deputy-lieutenant; why a

over hill and dale: and everywhere he was saluted by tidings of the deputy-lieutenant is such an astounding anomaly, and altogether approaching gladness. All nature was singing. As he listened by such an unfathomable mystery, that the c. P. feels that he must the nest of the speckled thrush in the hawthorn tree, he heard one of content himself with merely giving his portrait. A deputy-lieutenant the eggs chanting its lay—“I would I were a bird !” and when he is too sacred a mystery to be profaned by such unhallowed hands as passed through the meadow, he heard the cow chanting in a low voice, those of a C. P.

"I know what I chews to be a daisy.” And the poet's heart was light, though the integuments which clothed his lower man were but

thin, and ill-calculated to protect him against the balmy Easterly HARD LINES.

winds of the welcome Spring.
No doubt I'm thought a horrid muff,
And bandy-legged as Quasimodo;

My hair is very often rough,
My figure squat as any dodo;

Nothing can be more clear to any observant mind than that the
I never sat for Romeo,

industrious portion of the Irish people have no share in the Fenjan Or slim Adonis-dainty creatwe!

disturbances. That the Fenian body is made up only of the idle and But still my eyes are straight, you know,

improvident is sufficiently proved by their late rising.
And I've a noble nasal feature.
But, on my honour, Jones's wife

Answers to Correspondents.
Is plain in face, in costume grubby ;
I never saw in all my life

[We cannot return rejected MSS. or sketches unless they are accomSuch fishlike eyes, a nose so snubby;

panied by a stamped and directed envelope.] She's what the women call “bad style,"

PHILOP@GMON will see we have, “more or less politely,” licked one of Her hair's the dingy red of carrots,

his notions into shape.
Her conversation's simply vile

CLODOCHR is thanked. His address will oblige.
Her voice far harsher than a parrot's !

L.-Your sketches once too L-ementary, are still in-L-igible.

H. T., Norfolk-street, must be off his head.
She always victimizes me,

F. G., Reading, is clearly not accustomed to writing, for he spells motto
Her tone admits of no denial;

with an “e." At home, one doesn't mind, you see,

« Great A” and “Little A are hardly worth saving.
In public she's an awful trial !

J. A. P., Woolwich.- We can scarcely credit it.
I never go to see a play

FATHER Tom.—We agree with you, but the paragraph is hardly suit-
But to my side she wildly rushes,

When JONES-slips, reynard-like, away,

H.-We grieve to check your aspiration.
And I've to drag her through the crushes

BLUEBAG.-Won't wash,

HOP T. T. is a complete mystery to us! 'Twas just the same the other night,

F. S, Gray's-inn-road.-Parodies on “I would I were a bird” are From Mrs. Jones I could not sever,

getting beyond a lark. Although the eyes of my delight

B. č., Newport Market.—“The Coffin Nail" is surely not a peg for Were watching both of us for ever;

comic verse. And when at last I got away.

C. Fitz-H.-Not one of the ideas that "struck" you appears to us to be To ISOLINE—(I thought I'd miss'd her)

AN OLD JOKER.-Should it not have been "a repeater of old jokes ?" To my disgust I heard her say, “So like! of course, it was your sister !

SCHOOLMASTER.—Evidently abroad,--at any ratē not at home in the comic line.

The author of “Situations not Wanted” will not get the situation be
Shocking Railway Accident.

wants in our columns, so it's all in keeping.
C. W. H., Birmingham.-Won't

The other evening as Dr. of -, in Kent, was travelling by Declined with thanks–E. S., Bayswater; S. G., Liverpool;

Angelica the London, Chatham, and Dover line, and shortly before the train Wiggins; W. C., St. Paul's Churchyard; W. J. H. Stone; H. B. B.; entered the tunnel which runs under the grounds of the Crystal Palace, Junior Athenæum; G. D. E. P.; W. 'D., Park Village East; An Uncomhis attention was attracted by cries of “Someone ill-Someone ill !! mercial Traveller; Blotting Paper; Ginger; Imprimatur; R. W. J.; With an alacrity, which speaks volumes for his humanity and pro- Robert, 184 B.; F. J. G. H.; $. C. J.,

Walsall; R. B., Manchester-street

C. L. K.; Champagne Charlie; Jolly Cold; D. M. P.; E. B.; E. M. S.; fessional zeal, he leapt from the carriage, and, declaring himself to be a

J. W. R., Edinburgh ; Mrs. C. Melksham; Í. M.; Johannes Asurus; medical man, offered to attend to the sick person. On inquiry, how-j. Y.; R'R. Y., Bishopsgate-street; Rustio; Pleeceman Z.; C. A. L.; ever, he learnt that it was only one of the porters crying out the name Litton; Devonshire Gloster; J. M. S., Limerick; G. H. S., Southsea; of the station, which he pronounced “Sy'nh’m 'ill" Unfortunately, J. P., 'Torquay ; G. J., Brigg; C. B., Alnwick; J. G., Camden-town; by the time the doctor discovered this, the train had started, and H. W., Elgin; 'w. J. P., Stanhope-place; Tomkins; D. L.; Hopeful; owing to this shocking accident he arrived home too late for dinner. Apollo Pipes.

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The great question, "What shall we do with our convicts ?" has long Tax Chancellor of the Exchequer ought to have consulted us as to convulsed England—at least, if it has not convulsed it, it has given the clauses of his Reform Bill." We could have suggested a fancy rise to acute internal discomfort, in connection with which we might franchise which, without being at all likely to increase the electoral adumbrate the distinct medical definition, stomach-ache.” body, would have been based on a qualification of the most searching out a solution which struck us (simultaneously with a chill that has set

We cannot quit the subject of the British Museum without pointing and satisfactory character. If he had proposed to give a vote to every male, duly certified to have arrived at years of discretion, who could not but think that if the convicts were walked for an hour or two daily

us sneezing ever since) in the Statuary Cellars at the B. M. We canprove that he spent twenty-four hours every month in the British Museum, we think no reasonable person would have ventured to assert up and down the Sculpture Gallery at the British Museum,

and a readthat such a franchise would not be well earned, and in fact rather dear ing-desk were erected at one end, where a clergyman of the Established at the price.

Church should read TUPPER, and a platform were raised at the other If there be, according to Mr. Dickens, “ a repose about Lant-street, depends upon the stoyle in which it's done"-we cannot but think,

end, for a "comic singer” to descant vocally upon the amount that in the Borough,” there is a yet more profound calm about the B. M.a calm which is like an iced stagnation. We have been frequently and that, though the returns of the coroner for the district might be

we repeat, that the process would have a remarkably deterrent effect, informed by our regular readers that they visit the Museum on Thursdays, in order to repress the hilarious excitement

produced by the materially increased, the cost of maintaining our criminals would be perusal of our weekly issue. But even under these circumstances it is reduced in like ratio. not a stimulant (3) to be indulged in with entire impunity. One of our

N.B.—In the interests of humanity we would point out that the subscribers, who is very wealthy, chanced to be overheard to say that officials who would be required to see to the carrying-out of the he visited the Museum every Thursday, and that it did him good. punishment must be relieved at short intervals. It is just possible the Proceedings in Lunacy were instantly commenced, and if our publisher extra expense thus involved would exceed the saving effected by the had not gone to the rescue with the office books to prove that the

system. unfortunate gentleman took in Fun every week, there can be little doubt but that the Commissioner would have sent him to an asylum.

Clerical Intolerance. We have visited and inspected the Museum with the perseverance A GENTLEMAN who signs himself “ An Enthusiast in the People's and courage of another Sir Samuel Baker. We intend to publish a Cause," and whose real name is Bubb, writes as follows:-“Sir, -It detailed account of our travels, which will no doubt prove interesting was my fervid aspiration to christen my infant son after an eminent to the general public, throwing, as it will throw, so much light on a Reformer, as well as by my own name, ÉRNBST. The pampered priest comparatively unknown locality. It is a theory of ours that the ma- to whom I applied has coolly advised me to choose some other names, jority of attendants have been crossed in love ; that the mummies are if possible. He did not clearly state the reason why. Can you give the embalmed remains of constant visitors who perished of inanity, me, dear Sir, any clue to his real motives?" We can only say that we beg pardon, inanition-in the building; that the Sculpture Depart- we think the reverend gentleman was quite right. Imagine, if you ment is even more depressing than the New-road between Portland-street can, the misery, both at school and in after-life, of a hapless individual and Tottenham-court-road, and quite as solemn as the monumental named

· EDMOND BEALES E. BUBB!” suburbs of a cemetery; and that if the vocal Memnon could only arrange for an engagement at a music-hall, he would jump at the lowest NOTICE.—

Now ready, the Eleventh Half-Yearly Volume of FUN, being offer. When we last saw him, he was whistling "The Harp that Once,” in a depressed minor key, with as many flats as a house in THE FOURTH VOLUME OF THE NEW SERIES. Victoria-street, Westminster.

Magenta cloth, 4s. 6d.; post free, 58. Cases for binding, Is. 6d. each.

London : Printed by JUDD & GLASS, Phænis Works, St. Andrew's Hill, Duetors' Commons, and Published (for toe Proprietor) by W. ALDER, at 80, Fleet-street, E.C.

March 30, 1867.

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The place of honour in the large room is, I believe, given to the “Beau's Stratagem,” by which E. C. BARNES, deserves it, for it is as

well-painted as it is original in treatment. The two rooms of waterBY THE SAUNTERER IN SOCIETY.

colours will prove very attractive, I think. Three pictures by the

late PAUL GRAY will be found there. AMUEL JOHNSON—or as the duffing About a veek or so since, the Pall Mall gravely inserted an article essayist delights to call him, “burly which announced the discovery of certain suppressed passages from SAM JOHNSON"-speaking of Ev- “Gulliver's Travels,” and gave a quotation. It professed to be a MUND WALLER's first appearance in portion of the visit to the Houyhnhnms, and in it Gulliver describes the Parliament, says, that in such matters malpractices of the Turf. The whole thing was a hoax—the passage there is an age before which few a clever forgery, which was detected by one of the sporting papers on men distinguish themselves much to account of the use of modern sporting slang. In other respects the their advantage." I don't know imitation was capital. But the matter does not end here. Our learned what the age of MR. HARVEY, M.P. contemporary, the London Review, brings its critical acumen to bear on for Thetford, may be—indeed, I am the passage, and pronounces it to be in “Swift's keenest and most ashamed to say I never heard of him masterly style.” Thereupon “M. F. T.” (those initials seem familiar !) until last week—but he certainly who takes in the L. R., but to his credit, the P. M. G. also, writes to

, in his speech on the Reform Bill. “Young man in the Temple,” who supplied the first, replies :Some people never know when they

“ I am just starting from my dad's place at Ballynabraggan, so that I can't write are making themselves ridiculous. anything immediately. If the public would like another suppressed passage or two Fancy a fraction of our collective from Gulliver, of course they can be done; but I am in doubt whether a man who wisdom gravely discoursing on Thet

is pronounced by so grave and acute a critic as the London Review to be as admi

rable a satirist as Swift ought not to set up on his own account, and wear his own ford, “ formerly the capital of East laurels. There is a fine opening for a satirist just now, and if the close and accurate

Anglia," and now boasting “a paper- critics of the L. R. can find no difference between my genius and that of the lamented mill and one of the largest manufactories of artificial manure !” Well Dean, I suppose I may count with certainty upon success with the mere public." might the House laugh at such a speech delivered on such an occasion. Poor London Revicw ! This is almost as good a blunder as that mistake The Reform Bill is under discussion—the whole nation is agog to about Johnson's preface, which was the death of the Reader. The hear what is to be done-the House of Commons is on tiptoe with Review will, I feel sure, survive the blow; but it will be so bruised, expectation, when lo! up rises a gentleman to make an important dis- that it will stand in need of a good supply of that "Christmas ointclosure about ancient history and artificial manure !

ment”—and no flies, this time of which it was so justly vain a little Ir is never safe to prophesy until after an event; and accordingly while since. I feel shy about speaking of the prospects of the Reform Bill, because The weather seems to have taken a turn for the better. It has been by the time these lines appear, some new complication or revelation a hard and long winter, but I hope a warm spring and dry summer may have taken place. But I think that there may be a chance of the will make up for it. The season has had many strange featuresmeasure coming to something, though the Opposition is beginning to amongst other things, I notice it has considerably deranged the show fight, and the Ministry seem inclined to stand at bay. One can't see ordinary course of the months in the north, for, as I write, I have, clearly how it is to end; but I think I may venture to predict that it lying before me a copy of the supplement to the Preston Guardian, is not impossible the result may be the same as that of the fimons which announces that it is “ for the week ending February 30, 1867.” Irish duel, when “one of the combatants was wounded in the ar n, the other fired in the air, and so the matter terminated.” Next Monday will be the Royal Academy sending-in day. The

THE TWO GRINDERS. exhibition, if the hangers display ordinary intelligence- or, that is more to the point, ordinary (I should, perhaps, say in their c ise ex

THERE is a grinder drives me madtraordinary) fairness-will be of unusual merit. There are some

A double tooth, so very bad, “whacking canvases FRITH has at last conta ived to

In vain my nerves I harden. tear himself from Railway Stations, Race-courses, and Royal M .rriages,

There is another grinder, who and is to give us a Charles the Second picture in his old style.

Goes near to drive me crazy, tooMILLAIS is finishing “Jephtha and his Daughter.” CALD RON has

He's there in my front garden. painted a fine "Home after_Victory," that will be popular. MARKS has done the march of “Falstaff's Own;" YEAMES, T

His organ with a wheezy moan

"Nyckliffe sending out copies of his Bible ;" HODGSON, “Even-song;” and Wyn

By jerks is playing “ Bobbing Joan," FIELD), "The Last Moments of Cromwell," a picture that will attract

He grinds with many an antic. attention. Walker is finishing the “Boys Bathing," which was too

Meanwhile, in vain my tooth I stuff

With anodynes on cotton-fluff: late last year. LEIGHTON has a “Venus” ready, with som; other subjects. Of course LANDSEER, CRESWICK, STANFIELD, and oth' rs, quos

Such grinders singly were enough-

The two will drive me frantic! enumerare, etc., are to be represented.

Poor Livingstone! I fear it is no use trying to believe we may yet hear he is alive. The evidence is too strong the other way. He has

Literary News. done noble service as a missionary of civilization, and I do i't doubt his work will be carried out to the end. Some people may ask what

The “Royal Literary Fund” has issued its report, with the is the use of wasting such men on objects like African disc overies or usual amount of speechifying, self-laudation, and ostentation. The Arctic ones.

But these men are specially born for their work, and list of benefits conferred by the society-under the cheerful title of you might as well try to talk the needle of a compass into doing but

"authors relieved ”—affords food for meditation, and may be recomton-hole stitch instead of pointing northward, as hope to turn their mended for the consideration of those young authors who, adopting minds from adventure and discovery. LIVINGSTONE's death is a

literature as a profession, are not quite determined which branch of it national loss.

they shall follow :I have just received the first monthly part of Cassell's Magasine. It Classification of authors relieved.-Class 1, history and biography, 11 grants, improves vastly, after number one, in its appearance, and does not fall £460; Class 2, Biblical literature, 1 grant, £35; Class 3, science and art, 1 grant, off in its literary merit. “Ethel,” by J. D. Watson, is the frontis- £15; Class 4, periodical literature, 7 grants, £250 ; Class 5, topography and travels,

4 grants, £115; Class 6, classical literature and education, 2 grants, £80; Class 7, pioce, and is a pleasing little figure. The list of names of the con- political economy, 1 grant, £50; Class 8, poetry, 6 grants, £150 ; Class 9, essays and tributors to this part is good as a whole :- MESSRS. THORNBURY, tales, 11 grants, £315; Class 10, drama, 1 grant, £20; Class 11, law, 3 grants, £85; DUTTON Cooke, HOLLINGSHEAD, TURNER, SKETCHLEY, CLARKE, and Class 12, medicine, 1 grant, £30. Moy Thomas should concoct a good magazine among them. The From this it would seem that poetry is not a good line to adopt, as six Editor should look after his lady contributors though! Mrs. MALA- poets only received one hundred and fifty pounds among them, or fiveCHITE should not be allowed to talk of “a very hideous man and an and-twenty pounds apiece, whereas historians drew over forty, and a intensely pretty woman, neither of whom are," etc.

periodical-writer, even, got over five-and-thirty: Political economy The Exhibition of the Society of British Artists will be open to the commanding fifty pounds, we would recommend our young friends public a couple of days before this appears. It will be a very capital to stick to that, and leave poetry, and tales, and essays to men of show. MR. G. Cole has a fine landscape, and MR. A. H. BURR a fortune. clever figure subject. MR. Hayes exhibits some of his noble marine subjects, and Mr. Hemy some fine coast scenes. MESSRS. HARDY,

Epigram on Duality. SYER, LUDOVICI, HAYLLAR, BAYLISS, and BROMLEY will appear to The scheme is ingenious and crafty a few, advantage also, and so will MR. WALTERS, a rapidly rising artist. But in England, at least you can't make that two deux.


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