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A COQUETTE. “Coquette, f. A prattling or proud gossip; a fisking or fliperous minx; a titifill or flebergebit.” - Cotgrave, A.D. 1611.

When one meets with a damsel provoking,

Who playfully ventures to set
Her cap at one-only in joking,

One calls her a naughty coquette.
But one little reflects on it, what grave

Aspersions are cast till one thinks
That the term means, according to CotgRAVE,

“A fisking or fliperous minx.
Of course, if she's false and delusive,

She ought to be punished, but, oh!
Not in language so wildly abusive,

It's meaning you really don't kriow!
Though you may owe her one," from a debit

So savage your manliness shrinks,
As a “ titifill,” or “flebergebit,"

A "fisking and fliperous minx.”

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THE LAMPLIGHTER.

BY A Fogy.
The Lamplighter, the Lampligliter!

How well in days of yore,
Can I recall his figure tall-

The ladder that he bore.
How nimbly 'gainst the post 'twas set,

How nimbly up he ran:
Oh, no! I never shall forget

That old lamplighting man !
The Lamplighter, the Lamplighter!

He's greatly changed, I trow!
With sad surprise I recognise

How he is altered now!
No more does he a ladder bear

To raise him to the wick;
To set the gas-lamps in a flare,

He has a longish stick.
He turns the tap, he lights the jet,

It is a simple plan :
But, oh! I never can forget

The old lamplighting man!

RATHER A STICKER I
First Juvenile (audibly to young friend) :—“OH, CRI, Bill! AIN'T HE GROWED.

BINCE HE BOUGHT THAT 'ERE CANE!"

TO THE EDITOR OF FUN.

«« fair sex

“ BY APPOINTMENT.”

A CANDID CONFESSION. There has been a great deal of unnecessary talk about certain recent promotions, and the most unblushing attempts have been made to bring their propriety into question for the mere purposes of party.

SIR, I see that a number of individuals belonging to the so-called The public, we feel assured, will be satisfied that all has been done that we men shall be taxed for remaining bachelors. Well

, sir, I am

" have been petitioning Parliament (or are going to do so), with the utmost propriety, when we mention that Competitive Exami- not unreasonable. I have been a confirmed bachelor ever since I was nation—that most searching of all tests-has been in every case applied. In proof of our statement we give a few extracts from the

born, but I don't object to being taxed for it. I have always held that Examination papers in one instance, The Inspectorship of Fisheries.

we ought to be taxed for luxuries. There!

Yours,

CONTENTED CURMUDGEON. “The candidate for this appointment was questioned as to his fitness for the office. He stated that he knew & salmon intimately by

"And Who" Again! sight, having frequently observed the fish on Groves's elab, in Bondstreet. He supposed he should know a salmon-ladder if he saw one, We have long been pointing out whither "and which” was leading especially if somebody told him what it was. He knew, as he had those unhappy scribes who indulge in it. Now we have a terrible inalready stated, what a salmon was, and he also knew what a ladder stance of it, that we clip from the Court Circular, by which it is no doubt was, and could, therefore, see no reason why he should not know what quoted from elsewhere :a salmon-ladder was. (Several marks in logic were awarded for this Miss Marie Harris, daughter of Mr. Harris, who arranged the whole business for answer.) He had been for some years a private Secretary in the War

Mr. Knowles and Miss Southern in Paris, and who is already known to the Paris Office. Had there had some experience of the fishy way in which public for her simple, ladylike style, will be included in the cast of the “ American public business is conducted: Would bring that knowledge to bear; if If Mr. Sotheby, is surprised to find himself “ translated.” into Miss appointed to the inspectorship. Had heard the well-known definition Southern, MR. AUGUSTUS Harris will no doubt be equally astonished of fishing. Thought that according to that he might claim to be a fisherman, though not a practical one. On being questioned in what to find he has been changed by this “and-which-ery” into his own his peculiar fitness for the office was supposed to consist, he mentioned daughter--for it is he, and not she, who is bere described as already that his father was a member of the Ministry. Qualification at once

known to the Par's public for a simple and ladylike style. admitted, and applicant passed.”. We are delighted to have this opportunity of proving that this ap

That's about it. pointment was not a mere job, that the present Inspector is not one of those who dressed in a little brief authority are likely to“ play (limited), says that the "circulars" of many companies are nothing

A FRIEND, who has been a severe sufferer by joint-stock operations such fantastic tricks before high heaven, as make the angels"-and Home Secretaries—"weep."

more nor less than a “round robbin'."

SPORTING INTELLIGENCE.—Should “ Boots for the Moors” be made of Morocco leather?"

BETWEEN YOU AND ME AND THE POST-OFFICE.
A Test LETTER.-H.

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OUR CHARLIE CHAMPAGNE.

[4fter a Modern Poet.] RED whiskers that typify swelldom,

Rough hair that resembles a mat, The heavy dull eyes and the seldom

Clean shirt, and the villanous hat; When these have all lost their attraction,

What shall rest of thee, then? what remain,
Oh, king, of a dubious faction,

Our Charlie Champagne !
Nine lives are not given to mortals,

But alone to conventional cats,-
What is one worth by publican's portals,

And vicissitudinous vats ?
Fast midnights and head-aching morrows,

And the love of a lamp-breaking lark,
Change to yawns at the desk and to sorrow,

That wear out the clerk.
O garments of colours that frighten-

O trousers made straight to the knees -
Short coats, slimmest figures that tighten,

And neckties as green as the trees.
O hands free of gloves and of water,

That dangle a limited cane.
O beau of the publican's daughter,

Our Charlie Champagne !
Who taught thee thy slang then,-now mellow

With rank repetition and age ?
Were you innocent ever, young fellow ?

You must have been once, I'll engage.
Did you ever like cricket and rowing?

Were you ever a boy and at school ?
Why after your learning and growing

Go playing the fool?
Were you sick of the tug and the tussle,

Of your life that you changed in a year,
From the mirth and the manhood of muscle,

To the froth and the folly of beer? Relinquish your cutaway clothing,

There's a turn to the lengthiest lane, Come back, and relievo us from loathing,

O Charlie Champagne !

PUTTING HIS PIPE OUT.
Acute Lad.-"Hi! BOBBY! INSPECTOR A-COMIN'—BETTER GIVE US YOUR
Pipe.” [And the Inspector wasn't coming, but the precocious youth wanted a bit
o' baccy.

FROM OUR STALL.

“Oh, Horrible-Most Horrible!” The revival of GEORGE Colman's Heir-at-Law gives us another proof Has body-snatching been resuscitated, and have resurrection-men of the Haymarket company's capability for playing old-fashioned arisen again ? We were alarmed to meet with the following advertisecomedy. The piece is conventional enough in structure, but the ment in the columns of a contemporary :sparkling dialogue would make any living playwright's reputation. DRAPER'S CLERK WANTED. Must thoroughly understand dissecting. Good We suppose it could hardly be better acted at any house in London

B., than at Mr. BUCKETUNE's theatre. The manager is at home in the A horrible thought strikes us that the practices of Burke and Hare part of Zekiel Homespun; but he should moderate his transports a have been revived at establishments which bear the outward semblance little in the last act. Zekiel is a rough creature, certainly; but he of draperies. People going to such shops for a few yards of calico, would scarcely rush, hat on head, into a lady's apartment, capering inay be supplied unexpectedly with their last linen- or sacking; they about wildly, and singing a comic song at the top of his voice to cele- may require muslin, and get a suffocating with a pitch plaster. If this brate the winning of a prize in a lottery. Mr. Compton plays Doctor be not the case, why, we ask, and we pause for a reply, -why must a Pangloss very funnily, and MR. CHIPPBNDALE is remarkably good as draper's

clerk thoroughly understand dissecting ** the temporary Lord Duberly: The only point on which we can compliment MR. FARREN is his dress ; he is decidedly one of the best

Chess and Christianity. dressers on the stage. There is only

one word by which we can accurately describe his performance of Dick Dowlas; the word is “fidgety.”. To been forbidden at the rooms of the Christian Young Men's Association,

Some one writing to the English Independent, states that chess ha keep one's eye upon him for more than half-a-minute at a time is to at Aldersgate-street. We are rather puzzled to see why chess should challenge an attack of St. Vitus's Dance. The ladies—MR. CHIPPEN be condemned while draughts and dominoes aro exempt. Can it be DALE, M188 CAROLINE Hill, and M188 Nelly MOORB—are genial, possible that the game is supposed to glance at the course of the graceful, and captivating respectively. The scenery is satisfactory; Episcopacy, because the bishop" moves in a slantindicular direction ? the "waits” are short, and the intervening music is well selected and well played. An àpropos farce on the subject of the Paris Exhibition has been

Going for a Song. brought out at the Strand. It is played with plenty of spirit by A Handy Book on the Law of London Cabs and Omnibuses has been Messks. THORNE and BELFORD, and Miss Eliza JOHNSTONE ; but there published recently. Its author is a MR. CHARLEY, of the Middle is nothing remarkable in the farce itself.

Temple. It lays down the law so sternly against cabby, that “Charley

is my Darling" is not like to be a popular song on the rank. “Swift Camilla ” and the Fenians.

The Missing Baronet. ACCORDING to the daily papers "the troops are still scouring the It is not unreasonable to suppose that Sir Hew POLLOK will be country after the Fenians." This is surely unnecessary.

The found in “ The Course of Time." country cannot be so very dirty, since the Fenians managed to get

• Perhaps in order that he may know how to cut up bodies-not human ones, but clean off.

calico oves.-Wife of our Bosom.

VOL.

Town Talk.

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in vain to discover what there is in it to justify the big posters awarded to it. I can see nothing in it different from the ordinary run of

magazine stories, unless it be the amateurish and impertinent use of BY THE SAUNTERER IN SOCIETY.

transparent disguises for living characters, such as “Sir Edgar VerNDOUBTEDLY the case of the Poet Moor man.

bockhaven and young Curtius Rock, the Monmouth after Marston

London Suciety is very readable this month. Society Young will be productive of good. in Japan" is a really delightful bit of Praedesque, and “ Les Jeux Major O'Reilly threatens to move Athlétiques” is a brisk and pleasant little paper. The Argosy boasts for an inquiry into the abuses of the

a capital illustration this month—a gem. “Shoemaker's Village" Royal Bounty; and if that step be continues to sustain its interest, and still abounds in quaint wise refollowed løy the trar sfer of that fund flections and digressions.“ Doctor Onofrio" is a strange and absorbto responsible officers, for distribution ing story. In the Cornhill there is a Spanish article with some lamentwe shall hear no more of Close and able little woodcuts, and the usual amount of rather dry reading. MR. Young scandals. Should this be the Leighton's picture is very nice, but the title is borrowed from a case, nobody will regret that the picture of Mr. Coopbt's in an early number of London Society; Temple “Ulster True Blue" managed to

Bar I haven't seen yet. Routledge's Magazine for Boys holds its own impose upon LORD DERBY. My well again this month; and the Gardener's Magazine is full of informareaders will recall, perhaps, the de- tion valuable at this time of the year. With this batch of brochures I fence of the grant in question by may class the Popular Railway Guide just published. It seems very Six H. Bauce, who did not seem to clear and comprehensive. Two new papers, the Chronicle and the see any great insult or injury to the American have appeared. Each seems well adapted for the line of literature of his country in the job, literature which it aims at taking. A brief correspondence has ensued

My prophecy about the boat race is-well, that I shall be on the between MAJOR O'Reilly and him, bank, with my colours (dark blue, with a tiny spray of forget-me-not and his letter to some degree explains in the centre-if you want one like it go to MR. SULTANA), and that I the reason of the course he took. A hope I shall see the dark blue win. gentleman who writes

“I do not admit that granting a pension
to Mr. Young was an abuse of Royal
patronage; and even if I did admit it, i

DOUBLE ACROSTIC.
cannot approve personal attacks, unless
drivin to it in defence, as the mode to

No. 5.
correct abuses,"

A MEETING of men of all nations, is clearly little indebted to English

To travel and chatter and stare; literature and composition-even in

Will it answer the great expectations the humble form of a grammar. It would puzzle LINDLEY MURRAY

Of those who the profits will share ? himself to explain the construction of the sentence I italicise.

My first all my second will gather, The Accidental Death Insurance Company seem to me to have made

Wherever its denizens roam; a great mistake in refusing to pay the premium on the policy of poor

And yet on my word I had rather, JEFFCOCK, the engineer who lost his life in the performance of his duty

Be peacefully staying at home. at the Oaks Colliery. The reason alleged is, that he met his death through placing his life in “voluntary danger.” This they state their clients are forbidden to do “under any circumstances," which ex

1. pression of course must include the calls of duty. To lay down such

The weary traveller wends his way, a rule is surely impolitic; but when the company goes on to add

Fast homeward with the dying day, " It is the true characteristic of nobleness that it be disinterested. It cannot be

And sees perchance a welcome sight, disinterested if the direct consequences be to secure pecuniary benefits which

My presence through the livelong night. under other circumstances would not accrue,"

2. it not only talks nonsense, but it talks pernicious nonsense, which flies in the teeth of the principle of Life Insurance. I should fancy, unless

Without philosophy, and reft a new line be adopted by the company, that the number of insurers is

Of poetry, what then was left, not likely to be increased.

When two Italians tried, men say, The Picture Galleries are beginning to wake up, with the fine

To spoil our SHAKESPEARE's finest play? weather. The Society of British Artists is open, and the exhibition

3. is the best that Suffolk-street bas boasted of for many a long year. There has been an election of new members, and the Society will re

Noble and having many friends,

Oft viewed with pride, ceive an undoubted accession to its strength in the choice of Messrs. LUDOVICI, H. Moore, Walters, and Heaphy. The hanging of the

And often used to basest ends, pictures has been very fairly done, and the pictures this year are of a

And sorely tried. higher degree of merit than ordinary. The French and German

4. Gallery is also open, under the management of MR. WALLIS. The col

He clasped her fondly in his arms, lection is as varied and excellent as usual, and will be one of the treats

And promised with a loving kiss, of the season. The Times' critic winds up his notice by declaring his

No other maiden should have charms gladness to observe that the Exhibition“ promises to be just as interest

For him, and then he called her this. ing in the hands of Mr. Wallis as it was while under the intelligent control of MR. GAMBART." This strikes me as a one-sided sort of

5. compliment. Perhaps if Mr. WALLIS were to give his critics a fancy

'Tis pleasant in the sunny summer time ball, we might in future hear less of his hands and more of his in

To lie thereon and make an idle rhyme; telligence.

And muse how, as men's footsteps onward go, The prosecution of Mr. Erre has failed so far. I must candidly

Of hopes above and loved ones far below. admit that I expected as much all along, and that I could almost wish the decision had been pronounced by some better judicial body than a bench of county magistrates. The result would, I believe, have been

ANSWER TO ACROSTIC No. 3. the same in any case, but of course as there was a risk, the governor's

B Barbara А friends were rigħt in advising the course that was taken. The pro

R Reveller R secution and their organs are no doubt angry enough, but they have

I Ingot

T conducted the case throughout as if they did not expect any other

T Tancredi termination. It is partly their fault if magistrates will not look upon

I Iris

S as a murderer, a gentleman“whose convenience the prosecution desired

S Soda

А to consult" so often. The Jamaica Committee may, however, comfort

H Historian N themselves with the reflection that though they have failed to hang

CORRECT SOLUTIONS OF ACROSTIC No. 3, RECEIVED APRIL 3RD.- None. the governor, his life has bcon taken-- and published by BENTLEY.

The magazines don't seem to be as flourishing this month as one would expect with this fine spring weather. Belgravia is not up to

MEM. BY A MEMBER OF THE MINISTRY. last month in either art or literature. I have looked through “Circe" The most disagreeable feature about an Opposition—the Noes.

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SPORTING INTELLIGENCE.

LEARNING THE VERBS. PASSAGES FROM THE DIARY OF AN OLD ENGLISH GENTLEMAN.

“ SIGNIFYING TO BE, To Do, or To Surfer."
I feel within my aged breast,

To be?" Well, I followed the track,
A power that will not be repressed;
It prompts r.y voicr, it swells my veins,

That gave me a chance of existence;
It burns, it maddens, it constrains !

But I honestly own, looking back,
Scott.-“ Lord of the Isles."

That it's prettiest viewed from a distance.
BELGRAVIA.

Just now it seems easy and bright,
Saturday, 30th March. Had an interview with my Gentleman of the

But I haven't forgotten my scrambles Press, and which he furnished me with the motto I have just wrote

Over horrible rocks, or the night down. It is full short ; but the respectability of its being one of

That I spent in the midst of tha brambles. Scott's lot makes amend, though I rather forget where it was as

At times from the path I might stray, " Lord of the Isles” was made a favourite. As to "swelling my

And thus make the journeying rougher; veins," a man is only too apt to feel so if he have been out late the

But still I was learning the way, night before. Memorandum. To write to my Young Friend and tell

“To Be, or to Do, or to Suffer!" him as “ Lecturer" is safe for to win the Northamptonshire Stakes on

“To do?" I have worked rather hard, Tuesday.

And my present position is cosy, Monday, 1st April. This being April Fools' Day, put a pot of

But I haven't done much as a Bard, money on "Lecturer," than whom a better nor yet a gamer little

And my prose—well, of course it is prosy! favourite. Forgot to write to my Young Friend. After all, too many

The schemes and the aims of my youth cooks spoil the broth, and he might be wanting for to get on himself,

Have long from old Time had a floorer, or telling his other countrybutors than whom I am sure a more stuck

And I doubt-shall I tell you the truth? up lot. Much better keep it to myself. To-morrow I shall be a happy

If the world be a penny the poorer! old man, if all goes well.

If you cannot your vanity curb, Monday night, 1st April. I am a happy old man! The Lecturer is

You must either, my friend, be a duffer, safe to win. Everybody says so. Have reached Northampton safe

Or you haven't yet learnt that a verb and sound, which I think as it is a delightful old city. People quite

Is “To Be, or to Do, or to Suffer!" glad to see the old man about again. It was “Well, MR. NICHOLAS, and how does the world use you, Sir?” or, it was “ Quite like old

“To suffer?" I took my degrees times, again, Mr. Nicholas, isn't it?" I might, without exaggeration,

Long ago in that branch of our knowledge have become aa tight as a drum if I had taken half the drinks which

Where our hearts and our hopes are the fees, they kirdly asked me for to put a tongue to. Backed “ Lecturer"

And the universe serves as a college. right and left. If I win this time, I'll be shot if I ever risk so much

I have bad, as it is, rather more on a single horse again. Seriously think of retiring altogether. Had

Than the usual share of affliction, a bad touch of rheumatism coming down in the train, through the

And that much is remaining in store folly of an illiterative old country parson, which he would insist on

Is my very decided conviction. keeping the window open, and Nicholas would have punched his head

But I find myself growing with years, for two pins but for my respect for the Church. I daresay as he was

Insensibly tougher and tougher; some pauper-struck old Curate, with a couple of hundred a-year, a

I can manage, I think, without tears, setting up for to be a gentleman and a-turning up of his nose at gents

“ To Be, and to Do, and to Suffer !" which could buy him up, over and over again. Told him as I could

I have stated the facts of the case, see he had had too much for to drink, and as I should mention it to the

But heaven forbid I should grumble; guard if he didn't mind his Peace and Cues. He changed carriages at

And I need not complain of a place the next station.

That suits my capacities humble. Tuesday morning, 2nd April. Glorious! A delightful morning

I have learnt how "to be"-well, a man: the sun shining in the terrestial hemisphere like a true Orb of Day.

How “to do "-well, a part of my duty: Managed to get a hundred or two more on the game little Lecturer.

And in "suffering," own that the Plan Ah, who would change the life of a free and happy Turfite for the

Of the World is all goodness and beauty ! Student's desk, or yet for the Warrior's camp? You travel about the

Still at times from the path I may stray, country, first class; you see the world, so to speak; you mingle with

And thus make the journeying rougher ; the noblest of Britannia's ancient aristocracy, and it is your own fault

But, at least I am learning the way, if you do not make it pay; and, with good information and an ordi.

“To Be, and to Do, and to Suffer!” nary amount of intelligence, you may really reduce betting almost to a mathematical certainty. Shall never put quite so much on a single horse, though, again--it being too risky. Thank goodness, however,

Coming to the Point. the game little Lecturer is safe to win ; and it is positively coining Tuz Jamaica Committee bad better turn their attention to Ireland, money for to back him. Deuced glad. I didn't tell my Young Friend, where the most dreadful atrocities seem to have been perpetrated which he might have forestalled me in the market, though I do not during the suppression of the Fenian rising. A most favage small-arm think as he knows much about it.

appears to have been supplied to the Irish con-stab-ulary, for we learn Tuesday night, 2nd April. Result. If my hand trembles as I write from the Standard that a witness examined before the Waterford Elecit down, it is not through drink. I wish it was! I wish there was tion Committee said: nothing worse than Drink!!! What's the matter? Ruin's the

“The police repeatedly charged the mob at the point of the bayonet, which was matter

continued for a distance of 2.0 er 300 yards." GarAT NORTHAMPTONSHIRE STAKES.

This terrible bayonet, fixed on an Irish firearm warranted to skoot Quick March

1

round the corner, might well alarm the Fenians ! Amanda colt

2 Lecturer

3

Latest from the Zoo. Smashed again, by all that's vexatious! Knocked over-bowled As a slight acknowledgment of the services of M. DU CHAILLU in clean out,-mo, NICHOLAS, a man as have known the turf for years, the exploration of the Gorilla Country, it is in contemplation to offer and all by a rank outsider!! Another blow like this will make the that gentlemen a seat on the Monkey Board-of an omnibus. Prophet non est. The only consolation is that I acted truthful and fair by my Young Friend, and did not involve him in my own mis

The Boilers Abroad. fortunes.

The money which has been so needlessly expended on our preparaWednesday morning, 3rd April. Back again in Belgravia, but I do not tions for the French Exhibition-which, by the way, bids fair to be a think as I shall be able to stay here long. It have already got about gigantic fiasco-was surely enough for England to sacrifice. But will as I have had misfortunes ; and on coming up in the train, who should it be believed that one of the chief objects to be exhibited in Paris as I see but my loathsome and low-lived Relative, perhaps the only man a sample of what we can do is--a model sixty feet square of the South on the course as had backed “ Quick Mareh," and which he openly Kensington Museum ? Fancy a large reproduction of the Boilers as an derided of me. As for the game little “ Lecturer," here is wishing as

example of English architecture. Oh, COLE, Cole! dear-particularly he was boiled alive—the brute !

NICHOLAS.

dear to your country, how could you disgrace her thus ? P.S.-I shall try and bring myself round again all right by backing Cambridge for the University Boat Race.

THE FLEET PRISON.— Racing stables during a hard frost.

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QUITE ANOTHER PAIR OF SHOES.
Head of Boot Establishment :-"Bɔught 'EM HERE TWO DAYS AGO, AND GONE LIKE THAT, Ma'am!
YOU WALKED IN THEM.”(Lady assents.)—“Ax! YOU SEE WE ONLY MAKE FOR CARRIAGE PEOPLE !”

I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT UNLESS- UNLESS

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