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Mr. Bull (to the father of the lodger franchise"):-“COME, THOSE TWINS ARE NOT LIKELY TO BE ANY CREDIT TO YOU. YOU'D BETTER TAKE BACK THIS NEGLECTED CHILD!”

Vide Mr. DISRAELI's speech on the second reading.

AN UNAPPRECIATED CRICHTON.

St. Elmo, thinks no more of the grand old Scottish gentleman than of

the mail-clad knights of the Order of St. John. JONES has a party to night

AINSWORTH, WILLIAM HARRISON. BY MR. W-LLIAM H-RRISON But there's no invitation for me to it.

A-N8WORTH. Born at Manchester, in February, 1805. Spent most of People are cutting me quite ;

his early life, after once riding to York, in examining the Tower of I shall pay a few visits and see to it.

London, Windsor Castle, Old St. James', Old St. Paul's, Ovingdean True, I've a thousand a year,

Grange, and other ancient buildings. Spent most of his later life in And am reckoned the pink of propriety;

writing the most delightful fictions of the day. His descriptions of As to good-looking, look here !

furniture are particularly excellent. Yet I never get on in Society.

ALISON, SIR ARCHIBALD. BY SIR ARCH-BALD AL-son. Many

volumes will be required in the following endeavour to trace, with the "Tis not as though I were shy,

greatest possible succinctness, the career of an historian whose works Or unmannered, or not introducible,

will be remembered as soon as those of MACAULAY, CARLYLE, and Lower bred fellows than I

FROUDE shall be forgotten. At his birth, in 1792, Europe was just in Have triumphantly gone through the crucible.

the throes of the French Revolution, in eighteen volumes, of which an Many get polished in time

abridgement has been published for the use of schools ; nor would it At the cost of a little anxiety;

be possible to understand the principles that have chiefly influenced What's my particular crime

his career, without a curt summary of the Act of 1826, which, at the That I never get on in Society ?

time when Sir ALISON was still in the prime of manly vigour, inter

dicted the further issue of one-pound notes. To a brief analysis of Dance ?- Well, I think I may say

this ill-judged measure, the next three thousand pages will be devoted, I'm as graceful a partner as anyone :

and it will then be easy for us (No, it won't !-ED. Sir, I could caper away

BROWNING, Robert. By Mr. R-BERT BR-WNING. Not where grey To a whistle-though simply a penny one.

lichens crumble on the wall, Or lizards through the twisted grass-roots Sing ?-I could give you a list

crawl, Eyes quickly glancing when their sight perceives Insects swift Of enormous extent and variety.

fluttering through serrated leaves, Glaucous in colour as the weeds that Play ?—Let me show you my wrist;

lie In rocky basins by the ebb left dry Was MR. BROWNING born! Yet I never get on in Society.

Old nurses tell How the boy first saw light at Camberwell, And Hearing me talk is a treat,

stretched his arms, impatient, to the sun. Of many poems that he When I take a discourse philosophic up

wrote, the one Least understood and cared for by the herd Was hight During the tea, or repeat

“Sordello.” Critics, with absurd Indifference to merit, swore that it Little anecdotes over my coffee-cup.

Was unintelligible, every bit. He let them rail ; RABBI BEN EZRA If you've a passion for pun3

wrote:-“Star-blossoms,' earth-mocked, twinkle." Do you note ? I could feed you on them to satiety

Hence, for the moral of his verse, confess, Incomprehensible its lofti. New and original ones;

ness. So, there's my fable ended; for the rest, Blue-flowering borage, Yet I never get on in Society.

nitrous, is the best.
Two or three glasses of wine
Give a spur to good-humour and merriment;

SONG FOR MUSIC.
So that, wherever I dine,
I attempt the delightful experiment.

I HEARD your voice at early dawn,
Not that I drink till I lapse

When soft the breeze was blowing,
From the paths of the strictest sobriety;

And night's dark curtains were withdrawn
Still, now and then-why, perhaps-

By Phoebus' fingers glowing-
Yet I never get on in Society!

'Twas you, I know, cried “ Milk below"

And then I heard you going.

I hailed your voice, so sweet to me
OUR BIOGRAPHICAL DICTIONARY.

It has my pleasure's sum in it.
By Most OF OUR EMINENT AUTHORS.

• Until adown the street, you see,

Your voice comes, all is dumb in it; ABD-EL KADER (Sidi-el-Hadji Ouled-Mahiddin). By CAPTAIN M-YNE

For I await my milk at eight, R-D. Born in the early part of 1807, in the neighbourhood of Mas

Because I then take rum in it. cara. Valley of Oran, from my boyhood I have known theo well! Come, reader, let us seat ourselves on the snow-clad summit of the mighty Atlas. On every side of us are mountain peaks; in front, the

Very Extraordinary. tolerably fertile valley ; in the dim distance, the waters of the blue Mediterranean. Overhead soars the aigle (or eagle). Safe on our

A LITTLE while since, Rene LARTIQUE, a celebrated gourmand of cloudy pinnacle, and liberally provided with fire-arms, we defy thee,

Paris, who spent a third of his life at dinner, died of a fit of indigestion. thon tyrant of the air. Ha, ha, thou ravenous bird of prey ! Long

The Paris correspondent of one of our contemporaries describes him in resisted the armée Française (French army). Was captured in 1847.

the strongest terms : Imprisoned in France. Fair valley of the Seine, I know thee well!

"His dress was most wretched-his shoes broken, his trousers torn, his paletot

without any lining and patched, his waistcoat without buttons, his hat red rusty See; yonder goes the humble ouvrier (workman) to the cabaret (public

kman) to the cabaret (public- | from old age, and the whole surmounted by a dirty white beard." house). He quaffs the vin ordinaire (ordinary wine). What a fool he

It is a pity that so great a curiosity could not have beon prevailed must be! Released by Louis NAPOLEON in 1852. "Resides at Damas

on to survive until the Exhibition. We doubt not he might have cus, or somewhere else in Asia. Valley of the Tigris and Euphrates, I know thee well! Away, away!

realized enough to supply him with dinner all day long, by exhibiting ABERCROMBY, Sir Ralph. By MR. J-MES H-NNAY. Born in 1738,

himself to those who would pay to see a man with a dirty white beard a cadet of an ancient and honourable Scottish house, at Tullibodie, in I growing on the top of his hat. Clackmannan. Received a liberal education; ingenuas didicisse fideliter, eh, BRADLAVOH, my boy? Served against France during the ascend

Hey-Day! ancy of the first NAPOLEON- who fed the revolutionary mob' with Tue organ of Liberal Constitutionalism or Constitutional Liberalism blood, as you would offer a churl a black pudding SIR RALPH natu- ! (you pay your money for your journal and may take your choice-one rally resisted him, as became an honourable Conservative gentleman. term meang just as much, and as little, as the other) is ably written and Let us at least give our dads their due-not your dad, POTTER, my well conducted. It works the particular oracle of its party with tact, son! Let us be fair to them all, following the Ciceronian advice, and its criticisms and its literary department generally are good. It “ Neminem lædere, et suum cuique tribuere.(De Officiis.) Jolly old can also appreciate a joke. But when it did us the honour to adopt in M. T. C.! In 1801 received sailing orders for the Mediterranean. | its leader on Tuesday, the 2nd of April, our joke about Mr. Mill and The fine old Caledonian cock was in his sixty-fourth year when, after the Rat-catcher's Daughter Franchise, from our issue of the previous quaffing his final tumbler with much punctuality, he fought his last Wednesday, we should have better appreciated the honour if the battle, and thrashed the Frenchman in the classic neighbourhood of quotation had been acknowledged. Alexandria. Arms (after the fashion of “canting heraldry")—“A bear," regardant, a quartern loaf, crumby-“crombie,” Scotée. Was buried at Malta, where Fitz-Cad of the Teapot (gunboat), as he swills cheap

REFLECTION.-By a Toeletallor. champagne and chaffers with the Jews under the walls of the Castle of MODESTY is like a sober flower-it takes no more than its due.

MEN WE MEET.

assume, as he assumed in 1863, that the

gentleman in the blanket is a popular
BY THE COMIC PHYSIoaxОМІзт.

actor, who is going to “make up" for
nine different characters. To accomplish

this, he has whiskers, moustachios, beards,
WIGS AND WHISKERS.

and imperials of several varieties, together

with the costumes necessary to his purT HE C. P. has by implication pledged him.

pose. The C. P. does not propose to dilate self, as it were, to provide each chapter of

upon the characteristics of his various
his work with something in the shape of

disguises. He has sketched them in the
an epigrammatic heading. “Wigs and
Whiskers" is short and alliterative, and

margin, and, after a few words of intro

duction, he proposes to allow them to tell
80 far it fulfils the conditions which such a

their own tales.
heading demands. But the C. P. is bound
to admit that as it stands it does not quite

He begins, say, with No. 1, who is a

decent mechanic. It is difficult to say why convey an accurate idea of the matters of

the decent mechanic prefers to shave his which he intends to treat in this chapter.

cheeks and his upper lip, and to allow the For “Wigs," read natural heads of hair;

hair to grow around and beneath his chin
and for « Whiskers," read the hair that

as it pleases, just as it is difficult to trace
grows on the faces of men, whether that
hair be allowed to grow in its native free-

the origin of any class custom so accurately

as to be able to assign a reason for it. ☺ dom, or whether it be trimmed into the

No. 2 is, say, a Cabinet Minister. The shape of whiskers, or moustache, or im

difference between the appearance of the perial, or beard, or all, or any of these.

Cabinet Minister and the decent mechanic is entirely due to such And the C. P. has often had occasion to remark that many gentlemen of higher

| causes as every actor has at his command. The C. P. has taken the

same bare head for both subjects, and the difference between them is consideration than himself, who have ac.

attributable entirely to wig, whiskers, and costume. quired a reputation for epigram, continually

find themselves under the secessity of supplementing their definitions with a dozen lines of explanation whenever they employ them as the texts upon which they found their discourses. Epigram is an intellectual short-hand which is tolerably easy to write, but extremely difficult to understand when once written.

There lies before the C. P. a volume which contains the crude notions on the subject of Physiognomy, which he gave to the world a few years since, and to which he has more than once had occasion to refer in contemptuous terms. In that volume, the curious reader may light upon a page which is devoted to the consideration of the very matters which form the subject of the present chapter. It will supply the curious reader with an interest. ing study, if he takes the trouble to compare the incoherent expressions of the C. P.'s then immature ideas on the subject with the sounder offspring of his ripened intellect, embodied in the chapter which he is now engaged in writing.

The C. P. proposes now, as he proposed then, to take a hairless man as the basis of his remarks. But the philosopher's in

| No. 3 is, perhaps, a getter up of public companies. The same head creased experience in the study of Man.

but with the showy hair, active, mobile eyebrow, and flashy whisker kind has taught him to take a much wider

of an ad captantum orator. view of the subject of hair and beard than

No. 4 is a Linesman. His whiskers and moustache are trimmed to he did on the twelfth day of December, eighteen hundred and sixty order. He has very little option in the matter. His hair is neces. three. It has taught him that the hair and beard, although they sarily kept short, and he is obliged modify the human countenance to an astonishing degree, must not be to keep his chin free from beard. taken by themselves alone. They must be taken in connection with Shave him, strip him, and wrap him in the general dress, figure, and physical

a blanket, and he is our friend in the bearing of their wearers, which are affected

initial. by the same influences as those which

No. 5 is a Civil Engineer, or, perhaps affect the disposition of the hair upon the

a Contractor. His full, rough beard head and face. There is a certain form of

is usually associated with rough, loose whisker which is associated only with a

clothes, and a rough, untidy hat. He particularly prim style of dress ; a certain

has a great deal too much upon his form of beard which is always to be found

mind to allow of his wasting a minute in company with a loose and slovenly

for the consideration of so unimportant costume, and so forth. Show the C. P. a

a matter as his personal appearance. man's face, and he will tell you how he is

Anything that is big and loose, and dressed. He may be wrong in matters of

will allow him plenty of room to move unimportant detail, but his general im

about in, will do for him. pression as to the man's dress will be

No. 6 is an artist, and belongs to a correct. Influenced by these considera

peculiar type of semi-fashionable artist tions, he has not only taken a hairless

which affects a French or Italian exman as his propositus, but he has taken

terior. It is difficult to understand a man who is not only hairless but un

how any Englishman, who has ever clothed. He has wrapped him, for pro

seen a Frenchman, could possibly wish priety's sake, in a blanket, and stuck him

to dress like one; but the C. P. acinto the initial T to this chapter, because

cepts the fact as he finds it. Artists, he is the text upon which the philosopher's

singers, and acrobats are the only discourse is to turn. The c. P. will

people, as far as his observation

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GEOGRAPHICAL “BOOK MAKERS." Il y a fagots et fugots; there are scientific societies and scientific societies. Some have for their object the advancement of human knowledge, or the utilization of such knowledge as has already been acquired. Others are devoted to the wiling away of idle evenings, by means of sensational novelties, or the glorification of tuft-hunting chairmen, who are always parading before the public their “most distinguished friends.”

The Royal Geographical Society is well-known for its fashionable evening amusements. Its managers endeavour to provide an attractive bill of fare for every evening meeting. Of late, however, the entertainments have been very slow, and the attendance of visitors proportionately decreased. But a tragedy, over which all England mourns, had been enacted in a foreign land. One of the bravest and best of her sons had been struck down by a savage hand, and LIVINGSTONE was no more. This was one of those occasions out of which capital could be made, and the members of the society were informed that they were to be favoured with a “LIVINGSTONE evening." After all, there was nothing to be said or done with which the public were not already acquainted, and the directors of the entertainment endeavoured to eke out the programme by adding a burlesque to the tragedy.

SIR SAMUEL BAKFR entered into the performance with great spirit, when he stated that the President, although he did not wish to win money, offered to bet a large stake that Dr. LIVINGSTONE was not dead. The inuendo was received with much laughter, which was greatly in. creased when SIR RODERICK MURCHISON corrected his “most distinguished friend,” and stated that he had only offered to take long odds against Dr. LIVINGSTONE's being alive.

Our readers must not think that we are fooling. These were the rites that were celebrated by the President and Members of the Royal Geographical Society in memory of one of the noblest and most fearless travellers that ever left the shores of England. If we must have pseudoscientific after-dinner meetings, let them, at least, be conducted with decency. Those of the Geographical Society are not held in any high respect by scientific men, who object to see the inarticulate Englishmen, that yet have surmounted dangers in every part of the world, dragged on their feet to be stared at through opera glasses like wild beasts; and this for no evident purpose but to enable the Chairman of the evening to claim thein as his “most distinguished friends."

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has extended, who, being Englishmen, wish to be mistaken for foreigners.

No. 7 is a literary beard, and a literary head of hair.

No. 8 is another artistic head, but of a totally different kind to No. 6. It belongs to a member of the vigorous and sensational school of artist. People of this school cultivate a semisavage exterior—fling aside the conventionalities of society as well as art, and clothe every simple action with an assumed eccentricity which is part of their stock in trade.

No. 9 is a whisker and head of hair of the truest policemanic type. Take this particular whisker, and this particular head of hair, and associate it with a bishop's lawn, or surmount it with a regal diadem, or send it out for a walk with a Roman toga, and you will find that its policeman's nature will assert itself as strongly as ever. It is a wig and whisker that could not exist except in association with a blue coat and a number on the collar.

Answers to Correspondents.

A TERRIBLE DISCOVERY. * FALSE ZARS of flesh colour-india-rubber-have been invented for the use of ladies with large ears. They are used in front of the real ears, which are drawn back and concealed under the bair."--Court Journal.

AH! fairest of maidens, with masses of hair,

Down-falling-80 classic ! to cover your eyes,
I know for my coming, dear, how you prepare,

And arrange for your curtsey and charming surprise.
When I bashfully greet you and enter the room

With a hope for your welcome that's tempered with fear
There's one thing that fills me with terrible gloom,

And there's that on the table I dare not come near.
I have loved you so long that each charm of your face

Is indelibly printed, sweet maid, on my heart,
I have watched you grow ever in maidenly grace,

And nothing my love from your image can part.
I am true to my word, but what's this that I see?

I am bound to adore you for ever, and yet
There's a sight on the table that's dreadful to me,

Your ears in the workbox !-explain it, my pet.
You say india-rubber, and own that you wear

That terrible thing where your ear was before,
How often devotion I've ventured to swear

To that ear so inanimate; now never more
My lips near the side of your head shall be placed-

Excuse a huge tear, but I've reason to blubber;
For never was man so undone and disgraced,

Ta think that I've loved and caressed india-rubber!

[We cannot return rejected MSS. or sketches unless they are accompanied by a stamped and directed envelope.]

SILENTIA must pardon us if we don't give consent.

“ THE LAY OF THE Boat RACE" is respectfully declined. “Odds on Oxford " is the lay we believe in

K.-Perhaps.
S. E., Luton.-But instead of "seluton" we must say adieu !
HUNGARIAN DEAK.-Deak-lined with thanks.
Ben, Holborn.-We could not do it, if you were Ben Nevis himself.
Dasl.-Not up to our standard-a bigh-fun.
JUSTITIA.- What do you wish to say fio! at ?
CALIBAN.- Cali-bani bed!
A YOUNG BEGINNER" had better leave off as soon as possible.
AN INQUI8ITIVE ROSEBUD.-We are not in a position, just yet, to answer.
PAISLEY.-We shawl not be able to use it.
H., Newport.-Too lato.
ROOVEE's jokes are too roodee-montal.

W. M., Winchester, writes that he "encloses A few riddles, and hopes they will meet our Approval,” and adds, “ An Answer will oblige.” We wish we could add another capital “ Aye" instead of a "No." GUSTAVUS ADOLPHUS.No use. STEREO A. A.-Don't!

SCRUTATOR.—Good boy! If you go on like this, you'll be qualified as a reader in a printing office.

C.C. P. says if wo "consider the enclosed worth inserting,” we are to “do 80 under the assumed name of Herminius." We do not see why we should assume that name-even supposing we were silly enough to insert the lines.

BRUM evidently can't see the point of a joke.
JACEKAT is not likely to suit, so had better save his time and oure.

W. L. G., Earl's-court, tells us that "little natural oozings manifest themselves from his humble brain." It must be softening, but that is no reason why he should send his oozings to be an-oozance to us.

Declined with thanks-Septimus Meek; Constant Reader; Diek; A Weekly Subscriber; W. P.; Pardy; A Lotger; A; Sligo; Fun Ma Coul;' W. G. T., Deptford ; XIT; A Customer; Anti-Intolerance; Moderation; R. B., Manchester; F. D.; “Harry Seymour; Eucliá Pipps; Horeb; A. S. S.; Mephistopheles; Q in a Corner; Walter; Cadmium Yellow; R. W.; Garottee; K. C. L. H.; T. S. B., Edinburgh; N. E, P.; R. K.; G. B. W.; Quiz; S. J. S. L ; Pool; J. J. Manohester; R. G., Bath; A. W.; “ Elizabeih Briggs;" Desmotes; R. J. L., Timperley; G. H. N. ; B. B. H. M.; W. W.; B. Y., Croydon; 8. T. Tig: 1. A, Charlton in Medlock; G. D., junr, Elinburgh; F'L M.; Prisoners' Base ; W. H. D.; H. . F.; B. W. M., Liverpool; 3. H. D., Dorset-square.

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