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Colonel T*yl*r :-"A SPLENDID HAUL! ONE-AND-TWENTY AT LEAST!”
D*8r**li (Aside) : -"SOME ONE COMING! (Aloud) I KNOW NOTHING OF YOUR NET PROCEEDS.”

[Enter P. C. Osborne. Sensation.

SONG.

BULWER, G. E. E. L. B. By LORD LYTTON. The Baron and the

Baronet are One. The classic words of the Poet are sweetest from the Sung by Dodge-ero (COLONEL T-YL-R) in the Burlesque Play of The Reform Rovers."

wreathed lips of the Peer. Poesy, thou art Patrician, 'tis of thy

nature, as it is to be Immortal. The Novelist of Yesterday is the It is a most provoking do!

Noble of To-Day. The Inspiration drawn in bye-gone Æons from To think that I was potting 'em

Castalian 'springs—’tush, I have found it as I mused, upon the The guileless Dillwyn and his crew,

Terrace of the Thames, weary of the Plebeian Babble of the Lower When who should twig us but the hu

House, and sighing for the Senato's classic atmosphere where the Sage morous M.P. for Nottingham

can Rest. The creative Imaginings of Art, as they issue, like MINERVA, morous M.P. for Nottingham.

from the brain of Jove, full-armed, from my Own Bright Intellect, are [Weeps and pulls out a true blue Reform bill. Gazing tenderly at it, he Various—and yet One. The Truthful and the Beautiful—at least, I proceeds

don't mean that, you know! Pelham and Paul CLIFFORD, GAWTREY Sweet Measure! checks of truest blue

and EUGENE ARAM, are Several ; So are Others; yet, by the Unity of They soon had found garotting 'em,

plastic Genius, the sacred Type remains. O Isis and Osiris! Likewise, If they had helped to pass you through,

O Brethren of the Rosy Cross! Leave me, leave my day-dreams, and Without detection by the hu

leave, oh leave, my visions in the Dead of Night. Ő Eros, young God morous M.P. for Nottingham

of Love! I was born in the year 1805. I have written many good morous M.P. for Nottingham.

Books; and also, the Critics say, some atro sly Bad Ones. The

Critics lie. Avenge me, Spirits of the great ARCANA! Tear them, [At each repetition of this line Dodge-ero cracks his whip ina cadence. Limb from Limb. This is a Strange Story

I do not know Bah! Bah! As RAREY trotted Crui.

precisely what I mean.

I was once Colonial Secretary. ser, I was calmly trotting 'em,

Oh, Colonos!
When, hang it! who should enter-who?
But that confounded pest-the hu-

ODE TO AN ENGLISH EASTER.
morous M.P. for Nottingham-
morous M.P. for Nottingham.

(After a Muscular Poet.)
The very form, in which they drew

WELCOME English Easter,
My words up, clearly spotting 'em,

Cowards should we be,
He offered to the House, as scru-

Loving our vacations
tineers-he did indeed, the hu-

Not to sing to thee; morous M.P. for Nottingham

Welcome English Easter morous M.P. for Nottingham.

When we long to roam,

O'er the heights of Dover,
My eyes! (with soda corks, it's true,

Far away from home.
I have a way of dotting 'em

Tired we are of working,
At awkward times)--a rare to-do

Sick and ill with care,
Was thus created by the hu-

Weary of Reformers,
morous M.P. for Nottingham-

House of Commons air!
morous M.P. for Nottingham.

Sweep the busy city
And since they can't escape the cru-

of the dust of years.
el sentence he's alloting 'em,

Prime with pluck and muscle
Their only chance is to abu-

All our volunteers.
se, and heap strong terms upon the hu-

Shriek, ye snorting engines, morous M.P. for Nottingham

With your loads in tow, morous M.P. for Nottingham.

Worried station-masters

Give the word to go! [During the last stanza Dodge-ero perceives that he has run his head

Shriek, ye puffing engines, against a wall, so hard as to produce a visible confusion. The curtain

For we want to see drops.

Paris Exhibition.

Now that we are free.
OUR BIOGRAPHICAL DICTIONARY.

Let the lazy summer

Tempt us by and by
By MOST OF OUR EMINENT AUTHORS.

With its cosy pic-nics,
BEDFORD, Paul. By DOCTOR CUMMING. It was the year 1897, and

Ice, and pigeon-pie. the immediate end of the world was at hand. False prophets had

Lengthy expeditions, announced it regularly once a twelvemonth for a considerable period;

Put them off till then, and at length a distinguished soothsayer, addressing a crowd of the

'Tis this doubtful weather citizens near Hanover-square, had positively fixed the event for the

Pleases Englishmen! day after to-morrow. If, in this announcement, there was any mental

What's the sunny summer ? reservation, let us not blame the seer! The morning was bright and

'Tis the ladies' hour, The air was balmy with the soft breath of opening Spring.

Bringing lawns and crôquet, The bees—those living types of patient and useful industry—the bees

Tea and toast in power ; were out. So was an excellent work on their truly interesting habits,

But an English Easter chiefly reprinted from the Times. Wandering, with a flower in his

Often takes us in, button-hole, through the beautiful arcades of Covent-garden, an aged

And ’midst our enjoyment, man, upon whose face an almost youthful bloom still lingered; upon

Soaks us to the skin. whose lips an almost youthful smile still played— happened to en

Welcome, English Easter, counter the soothsayer. “You smile," said the prophet, "and yet

We must have our spree, the end of the world is at hand. Are you not afraid ?" Afraid po

Cheap excursion-tickets. was the answer," not a bit, not a bit of it, my dear children. Why

By the land and sea, should old Paul be afraid, eh, my bricksy-wicksy? No, no, quite on

Take us next to nothing the contrary, vice versa, nil desperandum, never say die! All the dear

There and back again, boys are fond of their old Paul, of their particularly popular predilec

Blow the doubtful weather, tion for old PAUL!" “Do you imagine, then, rash man,” asked the

Never mind the rain ! noble soothsayer, " that this beautiful world will still be in existence the day after to-morrow?" "Inquisitive ecclesiastic,” was the answer

A Stray Cast. of the comedian, “yes, I do! I believe you, my bo-o-oy!!"

The accusations of insincerity, so frequently brought against the CUMMING, DOCTOR. By NICHOLAS. The period of this party's M.P. for Birmingham, have, we fear, more truth in them than we have birth do not much matter, he being quite old enough to know better, hitherto been willing to acknowledge. We are assured that though but where it says as he is a legitimate foreteller of future events, such he would wish to be considered the last person who would be guilty of is a gross exaggeration, for he have no connection with NICHOLAS, playing tricks with the borough or county franchise, yet he is never nor would I let him do so, he never coming right in his prophecies, better pleased than when (north of the Tweed) he has either a six or and which such would injure the joint concern.

fourteen pounder “on a line."

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married are as much alike as people who are MEN WE MEET.

being born. A man sinks his identity on these

occasions, and becomes like unto all others in BY THE CCMIO PHYSIOGNOMIST.

similar predicaments. Man that is being mar.

ried is a shiftless, helpless, nervous, fidgety, The C. P. AT A WEDDING.

uncomfortable, perspiring

stutterer. Woman that is FEW days ago the C.P.

being married, is a shy, went to a wedding.

blushing, damp, red-nosed, He really couldn't

sobbing, trembling, heaving help it - it was

mass of white corded - silk morbid curiosity that

and orange-flowers. No took him there : he

man and no woman could went in an official

ever look to advantage under capacity, as a sort of

such circumstances. reluctant and tender

No. 1 is the gentleman hearted High Sheriff,

who proposed the health of to hand over the

the young couple. He is the miserable bride into

father of the bridegroom-a the custody of the

of fabulous wealth, officiating parson. She

owing much, it is whispered, happened to be a near

to Tallow. He is a jolly relative of the Philo

old boy with a fat unctuous sopher's, and the only

look about him, and a way one whose relation to

of treating the whole affair her warranted him in

as if it were a good joke to taking such a liberty.

be chuckled over. He is From his earliest

reported to have done the years, he had been

handsome thing by his son,
accustomed to wield a

and to have expressed an
gentle authority over
No. 2. intention of disinheriting

No. 3. her; and he believes that he has, on various occasions, stood to her in

such of the bridesmaids as the several capacities of guide, philosopher, and friend. He had come happened to be his daughters if they ventured to cry. He has given to regard himself almost in loco parentis, for her relation to him placed diamond lockets to all the ladies concerned, directly or indirectly, all tender considerations out of the question, while, at the same time, with the proceedings, and has, in short, made himself generally her youth and her beauty would have made her an object of especial agreeable. interest to her earliest ancestor if he could have been brought to behold No. 2 is the best man,” who proposed the “Bridesmaids.". He is her. She was, in short, the philosopher's aunt. Not a scraggy old

a confirmed bachelor, and as such, an immense favourite with all young girl, but a maiden of nineteen summers, and consequently, by a freak ladies, on the customarily illogiof nature, considerably younger than the philosopher himself. And cal principles of ladies' logic. here the C. P. proposes to pause, in his playful way, in order to dilate He has an air of yielding a goodupon a consideration which has frequently struck him, and which may humoured assent to a harmless probably, have struck a good many others too. He has said that to foible, to which he is never likely this young maiden he has always stood in the light of either guide, to become a victim. He prophilosopher, or friend, or all or any of these. And this leads him tó posed “The Bridesmaids” in the consideration in how many different lights does the C. P. (or indi- words of facetious import, which, viduals at large-for the c. 8. is, after all, but a type of mankind) it need hardly be said, conappear to his various friends, his acquaintances, and his enemies. He vulsed the assembly.” The C.P. feels that to every person he knows, he must appear in a totally diffe- may mention, as a fact that rent light. To PARKER he is a quiet, reserved man. There is something, bears upon what he has already he supposes, in PARKER, to check confidence. To FARQUHARSON he is said about the different lights in a wag. There is something in FARQUHARSON that inspires the C. P. to which the same individual may pun. FARQUHARSON is weak, but appreciative, and upon him the C. P.be regarded by his various rehearses good things, to be finally uttered under circumstances of re- friends, that he heard this gentlemunerative publicity. To Cockerell he is a dull, heavy man. man alluded to, by different COCKERELL has acquired wealth by the invention of a putty of singu- guests at the ceremony, as a larly adhesive properties, and cannot take a joke from a poor man. To duck, a conceited donkey, a Boyle he is a man of clear, quiet intelligence—for he has, somehow, most agreeable person, a curlygot into a way of looking at questions propounded by Boyle, in brained idiot, a young man of quasi-logical light, which impresses Boyle, who is easily impressed, parts, a singularly well-informed To old Čolter, he is a sad young dog;

person, and an unmitigated

No. 4. to young BaInes he is a rascally old

duffer. scamp; to BARBER, he is the beau-ideal

No. 3 is a specimen of that blatant nuisance, the “ friend of the of what a young man should be ; and

family who has known the bride and bridegroom from their cradles." to TILLOTSON, he is the incarnation

This disgusting bore (about whom, the C. P. is bound to admit, there of a hopeless ne'er-do-well. And all

appeared to be no two opinions) talked for three-quarters of an hour this without any hypocrisy on the C. P.'s

about the early history of the bride and bridegroom, in a fashion which part—his conduct in the presence of

completely covered them with confusion. He recalled anecdotes of these individuals has been insensibly

their early years, their budding youth, and their final adolescence, and influenced by their demeanour to him.

then went on to picture their future, and all the possible blessings It is, no doubt, with them as it is with

which might surround it. He said him. There is, probably a circle which

“that the blessing of being a father considers COCKERELL a contagious wit,

was only to be equalled by the blessing and PAKKER's the very bosom of all

of being a son, and that when these others into which to pour the full tide

two blessings were combined (as he had of unreserved contidence. Only the

no doubt they shortly would be) in the C. P. don't happen to belong to it.

person of the young friend on his right Having satisfactorily disposed of this

—who was already a son—" (and who, consideration, the Philosopher will take

by-the-bye, was blushing loud enough the liberty of recalling his wandering

to be heard)—"Fortune could do no Muse to the subject of his aunt's

more for him." He was eventually wedding, and the people he met at it.

pulled down to his seat by a considerate Of the bride and of the bridegroom he

friend, and subsequently left in a has little to say. People who are being

No 1.
huff.

No. 5.

[graphic]

Bab

No. 4 is the gentleman who remarked that it would be out of the

Edification. question to think of separating until the health of “The Ladies” had

We have heard a good deal about the rapid spread of education, but been drunk with the fullest honours. “It was they," he said, “who

were not quite prepared to find to what an extent it has been carried, nursed us in our babyhood, who comforted us in our youth, who kindly

as exemplified in the following :came and married us in our prime, and who smoothed our declining pillow (whatever that was) in our old age. He had not the advantage To be LET, a genteel

semi-detached eight-roomed convenient HOUSE, entitled to

education at the Free Grammar School, situate near the station, and within of being married himself, but that was not his fault-he supposed he forty-five minutes' ride of London.--Apply to, &c. had not yet attained his prime—but he knew somebody who had, and we shall expect to see SHAKESPEARE's schoolboy creeping to school that somebody said he liked it. He would, without further delay, very like a snail, with his house on his back, going to take its share of propose • The Ladies.' Amendment proposed by the father of the bride, and carried nem con.

education. The Government might turn the idea to some account in “ God bless 'em."

the Reform Bill. Household Suffrage, pure and unadulterated, they No. 5 is the couple who couldn't tell the philosopher, after the break- the basis of an extended franchise. Suppose they give a vote to every

would avoid, though they consider Household Suffrage of some limits fast, what any of the speeches were about. They were, in short; householder whose house can pass an examination in the three R's making so much weak love through the medium of pastrycooks' reading, 'riting, and 'rithmetic ;--the R's not calculated celare artem. mottoes during that meal, that the discharge of a six-pounder from the dinner waggon would hardly have arrested their attention. They will

A Bad Look-out for Brand. go home_dream of each other-dodge about after each other at botanical fêtes and horticultural meetings of all kinds; they will go in

IN COKE's Institutes it is stated that “if a lieutenant or other that search of each other to Zool cal Gar

hath commission of marshall authority in time of peace hang or otherdens and Crystal Palace, until August, when

wise execute any man by colour of marshall law, this is murder.” It they will each go their ways to different

is rumoured that the Jamaica Committee intend to use this against out-of-town places, fall in love again, and

LIEUTENANT BRAND, arguing that there is a slight misprint in the again, and again, until they come to speak

passage, which should run “execute any man of colour by marshall of each other as “that pleasant fellow (or

law." that rather jolly girl') I met at So and So's wedding."

A Puzzle. Last scene of all that ends this strange,

My Second was out in my First, eventful history, is second childishness and

And got such a soaking, poor soul, mere oblivion, in the person of the waiter

That his best clothes were soon made his worst, who was moved to tears by the speeches.

And looked all the hues of my Whole. He made two or three abortive attempts to address the assembled guests on the subject of matrimony considered in relation to fowls

A Literary Lord. and champagne, but a superior menial suc

IF MR. BERESFORD Hope had been raised to the Upper House as ceeded in extinguishing him before the

LORD BEDGEBURY, it is to be presumed that the Saturday Review would subject of his remarks had time to take a

have been created a peer-iodical. distinct form. He was banished to a remote portion of the kitchen department, but was discovered at a later period of the day in the

Ynswers to Correspondents. act of shaking the umbrella-stand in the hall, by one of its pegs, and assuring it that

(We cannot return rejected MSS. or sketches unless they are accommarried or single, it should always find a

panied by a stamped and directed envelope.] friend in him.”

J. M. H., Bury St. Edmunds.- If the acrostic is a sample of the stuffs you supply we had rather not deal.

W. H. D.-"A tale without much varnish" has too much size.
AD PERDITAM.

R. L. P.-We have our eye on the swindle, which shall be exposed by
I saw thee-loved thee! and believed that thou

and by.
Didst prize the love I gave. 'Twas early spring,

Com.- Uncommon bad !
Before the new-born buds were blossoming

Puix does not succeed in phixion.
To furnish wreaths to twine around thy brow,

K., Bayswater.- We have attempted over and over again to bring about
Or nestle in thy hair. But when the flowers

an improvement in the Queen's English of The Court Newsman, but in

vain !
Bloomed bright and sweet among their circling leaves,

A.S.-See last answer; and J. D. D., ditto.
So “grow like mushrooms” did this love of ours,

R. C. B., Lincoln's-inn, says, "Sir, I send the enclosed at your discretion.
That we, by that time, were “ as thick as thieves !”

Yours truly, etc.” R. C. B. seems to have modelled his style on that of the Then basking in thy sunny smile I lay,

burglar who wanted, the other day, to send his boot at Baron Bramwell's The nectar of thy rosy lips did taste;

“intellectual capacity.”
But ah! those precious hours are passed away,

BLUNDERBU88 may consider himself discharged with a caution.
And I have dipped into the bitter cup

PISCATOR.—That fish has been landed before, we fear.
Of disappointment,just a little sup!

Rob Roy sends us a joke about a chignon. Can he be Rob Roy

McGregarine ?
And now my arms enclose, not thine, but Memory's waste!

W. W. Crick. We have nearly got a crick in our neck, in our contortions to see your fun.

R. P., New Cross.-Since you don't wish us to give you pain, we will As you Plays.

only say declined with thanks. Among the preparations now making on a grand scale for the coro- CERBERUS.-Surely with your triple capital you can know little of the nation of the EMPEROR of Austria at Buda-Pesth, as King of necessity for “Going a Head.” We have not three heads, and our single Hungary, two fountains are mentioned, which will play the whole one is awfully muddled by your statement that your " present effort is day, one throwing up white and the other red wine. We trust this before your earlier attempts. mistaken policy is not to be taken as an omen that the EMPEROR still

A. Š., Great James-street.—If your friend Nives wants an advertise

ment he had better fork out. continues ignorant of the real wants of the people. To judge from

FLAME might have had more intelligence than to send us sporting ditto. the erection of these fountains, he seems to labour under the belief "The Ghost OF LORD BYRON” has not got the spirit of the poet, £0 that he is to be King of the thirsty, not Hungary.

we suppose he is only Home-made.

Lex.-We have inspected your sketch, and all we can say for it is Coming of Age.

“law!The Government measure of Reform, though rather a short measure

G. E. P.-You are an insidious party--but we can't!

Declined with thanks—W.G. S.; S. S. N.; R. R.; J. E. B.; Mann; for its age, has attained its majority-twenty-one. We are not sure P. S., Liverpool ; T. M.; W. T. C.; J. H., Liverpool J.C., Dorchester; whether it can be said to have reached years of discretion.

Amina, Belgrave-road ; V. C. S.; Sligo; B. Upper Close ; Prestich; Bep

Nevis ; A. V. C.; W. 0.; J. B., Elmore-street; E. D. T., St. James's; Theatrical.

Anonymous ; s. D. P., Edinburgh; R. E. H., Scalpless ; J. A. HaverIt is stated that the Long Strike is the Easter piece at the Ply: stockhill

; 1.1.7., Manchester ; E. E., Sloane-square; K.; H. E. V.D.;

H. J. T., Islington; Q. E. D., Kensington; G. E.C., Purton; Henry; mouth Theatre. We'll hope it will not be such a “brief hit” as it was W. H.; E. H.; E. G., Kentish Town Road; H. E. C., Ipswich; in London.

G. E. P.; W. M., Brighton.

Bob

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