« PreviousContinue »
resort to such shallow devices for the purpose of taking you in) he MEN WE MEET.
celebrates his triumph with an irritating chuckle, like an ungrateful
conjuror who has invited a member of his audience to assist him in his BY THE COMIC PHYSIOGNOMIST.
delusions, and ends by making a public fool of him. This inconvenient donkey began his evil career at
an early age with a singular but SOME WAGs.
apparently harmless request that The C. P. is not a laudator temporis acti. The tempus actum was a when he said “I one my mother,” good sort of thing for its ago, but it was young, and didn't know any you would reply with the incoherent better. It had a great deal to learn, and as it grew up it made due remark “I two my mother," and progress. It was a good sort of boy in its way, but it was not an so on, through the early numerals infant phenomenon. It learnt its lessons slowly, but it learnt them, until you found that you had comand remembered what it learnt. It took a great many years to learn mitted yourself to the statement “I that blue paint was an insufficient walking dress—that shoes, with eight"—that is to say, hate —"my toes a yard in length, were inconvenient when their wearer was in a mother," at which undutiful admishurry—that, in the absence of umbrellas and hackney cabs, showy sion you were expected to be overfeathers, velvet doublets, and bucket boots were expensive things to whelmed with confusion and rewear in a heavy shower-that tights and pantaloons were difficult morse. He is fond of asking you things to put on and to take off-that coat collars coming above the riddles that have no
he ears were ungraceful additions to an ordinary walkirg coat, and bets you that he will make you leave that crinolines were inconvenient and indelicate nuisances. How your room between five and six in ever, it learnt all these things in time, so the C. P. won't be too the morning, and if you take his hard on it.
bet, he will write five on one door The C. P. will be accused of a daring innovation on received post and six on the other, and will opinions when he ventures to assert that in no respect has the then expect you to pay him. If any dala tempus actum so materially improved as in the matter of Wags, of his riddles have answers they are This is, he admits, a dreadful thing to say, and he is prepared of a nature in the highest degree for a shower of anecdotes about Oxford scholars, righte merrie uncomplimentary to yourself—you are unlike the head or tail of a jesters, certain wits, pleasaunte fellowes, cunning, wags, and so donkey because you are no end of an ass, or you are like a motherless forth, in contravention of his assertion. He will give you SIDNEY lamb, because you are not worth a dam. SMITH, he will give you THEODORE Hook, he will give you SHERIDAN, Here is a modest beginner. He lets out his he will give you STEELE, he will give you Oliver GOLDSMITH, he will little jokes in a timid, hesitating way, blushing not give you DOCTOR JOHNson, he will give you SMOLLETT, SWIFT, and and tingling all over, and especially down the STERNE, and, perhaps, a dozen others including, as a matter of course, back, if they happen to fall unheeded. He is the laté MR. WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE) as instances of wags who are the direct opposite of the gay blusterer who quite up to the modern mark of first-class waggery, and in some in- stands first in this paper, but there is no saying stances, considerably beyond it. But it must be remembered that many that he will not grow up into him, in time. It of these eminent gentlemen were working an almost virgin mine-they is a common device of his to try the value were shooting over a moor before the birds became scarce or shy. A of his jokes by putting them, in the first inhundred years ago there were fewer means of publishing the death of stance, as good things he has heard somebody a good joke than there are now, and two hundred years ago there were else say. He is a constant anonymous confewer still. If Mr. H. J. Byron had lived in the halcyon days that tributor to the waste-paper basket of this immediately preceded the manufacture of the riddle about a door being journal, and his contributions are invariably a jar, what a rollicking time he would have had of it! He could have accompanied with a pretty little complaint written a burlesque a day with the utmost ease. In point of fact, with which he supposes will have the effect of our ancestors of two hundred years ago a very small joke went a very tickling the personal vanity of an Adamantine long way, whereas, nowadays, a joke must be very new and very good Editor. Emolument is to him as nothing, comto go any distance at all. The 0. P. does not take into consideration pared with the distinction of descending to the very small jokes that go a very long way in certain burlesque posterity in "the humblest corner of this Adtheatres, because the people who howl with joy over them are the very mirable Journal.” people who encore break-downs, and they may, therefore, be considered Here is a good-natured old wag of, the old as entirely beyond the pale of sane society. As a rule, the best bur- school. He doesn't come out very strong at home, lesque jokes don't "go" at all; they are appreciated only by the most except when he is carving a joint at dinner, on intelligent and least demonstrative portion of the audience.
which occasion he throws in a few matter-ofThe c. P. finds himself straying into a
course jokes, the perpetration of which he looks dissertation on modern burlesques, which
upon rather as a duty to society – like the was not the task he set himself when he
grace—than as anything else. But it is when he is in a theatre, or in began this paper. He proposes to deal
a public conveyance, or on a race-course, or at a public meeting, or a rather with private than with public wags
review of Volunteers, or a Lord Mayor's show, that he comes out in - with those social swindlers who are con
fullest force. On these occasions he always contrives to place himself tinually wanting you to honour intellectual
on intimate terms with the persons who happen to stand or sit next to drafts on a bank at which they have no
him, and upon these much-suffering beings he pours forth the vial of effects.
his fun. He would as soon think of throwing away a DoLLond's teleHere is a particularly horrible specimen
scope because he had once looked through it, as of discarding a joke of this misguided race. He is particularly
because he had once uttered it. He wears a wig, the C. P. verily horrible because he is not only guilty of the
believes, solely because it is a provocative of common dishonesty of his class, but having
sly jests, and it is not impossible that a similar committed the crime, he endeavours to lay
consideration init at your door. He will give birth to a
fluenced him when peculiarly aggravating jokelet, and then he
he made up his will affect to thrust you from him with a
to grow “Go along, you dog!” as if you, and not
stout. he, had been guilty of the offence. He is
Here is very angry with you if you don't see his
amateur ventrilojokes at once; and if you do, or affect to do,
quist, which means he will give you no mercy. The best
that he is a genopponent to a man of this kind is another
tleman who has of his own class—they will go on at each
acquired, with inother like those vindictive insects known to school-boys as “goldiers
finite pains, the and sailors," until both retire exhausted from the contest.
art of chuckling Here is another objectionable specimen of the Social Wag. He is
with the root of a wag who is continually preparing little intellectual pitfalls for you
his tongue instead to tumble into, and when you tumble in (which, as a matter of course
Ban that instrument. you do, not supposing that anyone could think it worth his while to
CHANTING HIS PRAISES. Dealer :" AH, IT'S A PLEASURE TO SHOW A 'OSS TO A GENT THAT'S A JUDGE. A HIGH CLABS ANIMAL LIKE 'IM, DIRECK FROM THE BREEDER, DON'T WANT NO TALKING ABOUT TO A GENT-YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, BIR-LIKE YOU : HE'LL SELL HIBBELF."
[So he does—and the little victim too.
You are required to believe that a chuckle produced under these circumstances can represent, at his will, a gentleman up a chimney, or in
Answers to Correspondents. a box, or in the act of expostulating violently while being gradually buried alive. In addition to this accomplishment, he will give you (We cannot return rejected MSS. or sketches unless they are accomimitations of popular actors without number, particularly MR. CHARLES panied by a slamped and directed envelope.] Kean and MR. BUCKSTONE, and he will kindly begin by telling you SPES.-Who would not like to gather his spes no early as this? But in the name of the gentleman he is about to imitate, so that there may this case they have not come up yet-at least not to our standard. be no mistake about it. But his favourite “effect” is an imaginary GLADIUS.-Should have "sword” higher. conversation between himself and a Hindoo widow in the act of being A CORRESPONDENT writes, “Dear Fun, make 'Fun' of the above. gradually buried alive with her deceased husband. No one would 0. Y.” Oh, how? it should be. suppose, from the inhuman manner in which he chaffs the unfortunate J. P., Camberwell.—The contribution you send as “an attempt to earn victim of superstition, as spadeful after spadeful of earth is thrown an honest crust" is so small that even if accepted it would hardly realize a upon her to smother her expostulations, that he is really not a blood- respectable crumb. thirsty miscreant when you get him at home.
H. R.—The paragraph you encloso contains H. R.ming blunder; but we have done it long ago.
C. M.-That * head scenter" again! This is going a-head, for it's more
than the 19th scenter-y we have seen. CHANGE.
S. T., Islington.—Those lines are not yours. If you can't write yourself, Do not think, forgetful FLORENCE,
do not wrong another. Now I've read you like a book,
Betsy H.-You can, if you wish, but we don't advise you to do so.
“ ONE OV 'EM” is thanked. That I hold you in abhorrence
F. B. H., Gibson-square, who sonds us "a tale of the drapery trade, For the silly course you took.
that you may use if it is suituable," is informed it is not suit-us-able. In the silks that he has drest you,
J. R. K.-Too disconnected.
P. R. Y., St. Helen's-placa, sends us an MS., and "regrets that on
account of the limited time at his disposal it is not by any means what he I can only pity you !
should like.” It is by no means what we like, and we are inclined to think
something more than his time is limited.
E. J. B.–We fear it bas been mislaid. Please send it again.
Declined with thanks—An Honest Man; Cantab; G. L., Coventry-
street ; G. F. N., Sevenoaks; Vance; C. B., Holloway; Ap Shenkin; I was foolish not to doubt you,
S. H., Bow; A. s. s., King's Cross, J. M. S., Glasgow ; Y. Y. B.,
Royton; J. K.; Nipt in the Bud ; Jack, Woodbridge ; T. G., Newton Lé When you said what wasn't true,
Willows; W. F., Batley; A. B., Bradford ; H. G., Bromsgrove; Sea Bee; Others say hard things about you,
Y. J. T. 'D. R.; L. L.; Blarney; G. E. P.; Neptune; F. J. W., South I can only pity you!
Hackney; J. F. H., Leicester; Á Bachelor, Liverpool.
While through the surging throng,
" And the sword that I value the most;
Of Rome's ancient splendour flew
He believed in all were true.
Cool Party (to monopolist of the fireplace) :-“IF YOU WILL PERSIST IN COOKING YOURSELF LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF THE FIRE, BIR, WE SHALL HAVE TO TRY YOU WITH A FORK TO SEE WHEN YOU'RE DONE !”
[N.B.-We dedicate this hint to those who like a share of the
fire at railway stations and other public places.
you a goneral account of the whole Exhibition, but I must defer that
till some other time. BOHEMIA-IN-PARIS.
Having so far clearly explained the cause of my perturbation of Dear Sir, I write in a state of excitement bordering on lunacy!! mind, I know you will pardon the wild and ecstatic manner in which I I have tasted bl- I mean beer!!! None of your sodariferous Stras- have commenced this letter! I should not have visited the Exhibition bourg! None of your bunged-up Bock Royal!! But beer, sir! 80 soon, had I not read in all the London papers and periodicals that Real beer! Bière Anglaise. "Drawn from a real beer-engine, and it was a "gigantic fiasco !" Now being curious to know what sort of handed to me in its native pewter by a Being! A beauteous ! blithe!! a thing a fiasco "
was, never having heard of one before, I went, bewitching!!! Being !!!!
and I blush to add I have not yet discovered, unless it is the Italian Pardon my notes of admiration. Only stop for one moment across
for gasometre. the channel into my shoes, and I will explain all. In those cases I did visit the picture galleries, and was much struck with the gawdy imagine that you for the last six months had been banished from your and vulgar appearance of the English school! There are a good native land, and had exchanged the society of well-beloved fellow many old favourites though. There is some "Scented Soap and students for the company of grubby, shock-headed étudiants of the Spinach” of Leighton's; and Millais' “PEPPER’s Ghost Going to odoriferous quartier Latin. That you had in vain looked for the un- Bed causes much wonderment among foreigners who are not used to affected charms and real colour of an English girl and found no better it. I overheard a veritable Yankee ask “Who that gay old rooster substitute than the trim, chic, and painfully conscious “ Blondinette !" was “a-lettin' out a reef,".
'-a vulgar but forcible description of the Tho' I must own her colour is magnificent!! or I'm no judge of paint- Eve of St. Agnes." WHISTLER'S “Little White Girlhas been ing! Rosy! I believe you! It's like her cheek! I say, sir, imagine ironed out flat since I saw her last. that this, had happened to yourself, and that, in the midst of your Of course the place swarmed with noble Britons. By-the-byè, how despair, you had heard rumours of a Grand English Refreshment is it that all the Englishmen with red whiskers and projecting teeth Buffet at the French Exhibition—where the most lovely daughters of like tombstones will come to Paris ? It is high time the French had Albion preside over the taps!! Well, well may the Siècle talk of something new in the way of a caricature of “Le triste Anglais.” “les belles déesses Anglaises tronées au comptoir !"
SureLY some of MR. VANCE's gwells that strut about would answer 'Tis indeed a sight, I assure you, to stand at one end of the room the purpose well!
Yours, and look straight down the counter and observe the expression of
Paint Potts. spooniness on the faces of all nations.
You ask for some notes on the Machinery Department. People may talk of the Great American Engine there! I say, go and see the
"FUN" may be obtained in Paris every Wednesday of Mesore. Beer Engine in the Refreshment Department! I had intended giving | KIRKLAND AND Co., No. 27, Rue de Richelieu.
BY A CAD.
I like to spend an evening out
In music and in mirth;
The finest fun on earth:
The gay and giddy throng,
The revel, dance, and song:
I'm parlial to the British stage ;
And-spite of its decline-
Has been a love of mine.
And why I always sit
(The second of the pit);
I hate the habits which denote
The slave to Fashion's rule;
Which makes one look a fool.
(Collapsing with a spring),
And nearly everything,
My razor gives a slip,
Or else upon my lip;
A lot of mud or dirt
Or else upon my shirt.
make a mess
A MATTER-OF-FACT WOMAN.
FROM OUR STALL.
broad for Mr. BROUGH's polished style; but with very good scenery
and dresses, and pretty good singing and dancing, the burlesque trips We can scarcely decide whether Mr. BEVERLEY's charming pictures along smoothly enough. of London scenery have done MR. ANDREW HALLIDAY's Drury Lane The Olympic extravaganza is from the pen of Mr. F. C. BURNAND. drama, The Great City, more good than harm, or more harm than good. Nearly tho whole of its weight-and it is intensely heavy-falls on They form, it is true, a splendid setting to the piece; but, for that very the shoulders of M188 FARRBN, who is always quite equal to an emerreason, they seduce the attention of the spectators from the piece. A gency of this kind. Her dress is lovely; in fact, all the ladies' dresses frame should never be so gorgeous as to distract one's interest from are more or less lovely. Miss Louisa Moore and Miss Amy SHERIDAN the work of art enclosed in it: Our theatres are turned into pano- shine conspicuous amongst the goddesses; MR. D. MURRAY does his ramic exhibitions nowadays; for our own part and we are not at all best with the character of Minerva ; Mr. MONTAGUE, as Mars, shows ashamed of being in the minority-we look on the playhouse as a place a good deal of cleverness in a new line; and M&. VINCENT seems better adapted for the display of passion and incident than for the rather at sea in a part which is unworthy of him. The writing of laborious representation of inanimate things. In a manager's eyes the Olympic Games is not very conscientious in point of rhyme or smoothdramatic author appears little more useful than the gentleman in MR. BURNAND should not only mind his p's and q's, but his r's white kid gloves who points out the beauties of Paris by night, or as well. Here be dainty jingles :lectures on the varieties of the Overland Route, and the horrors of the
Alarm earthquake at Lisbon. But the public will have it so, and the mana
Fervour Law Marauder Calm gers are wise in their generation. And now-after due admiration of
This is cultivating the R's celare artem with a vengeance; surely the pretty pictures-let us give MR. HALLIDAY's play a word or two of prose or blank verse would be better than rhyme which is not rhyme. praise. It is well suited to its purpose, and its many phases of Cockney life are skilfully delineated. The interest of the plot centres in a
Guit-ar-long with Ye! young and pretty governess, who finds herself unprotected in London, and her father, an escaped convict. The villain of the piece is a liber
TOMPKINS, on hearing that the first Lyre bird ever brought to Europe tine, a forger, and a Member of Parliament. (Let us hope that the has just
been presented to the Zoological Society, writes to ask if the wretch is an Adullamite !) The story is exciting as far as the com- Lyre bird is the same thing as the Harpy of the ancients. mencement of the last act; but a slight anti-climax occurs towards the end of it, thanks to the fatal necessity for a concluding tableau. The
The Fourth Estate. play is well acted, especially by Messrs. CowPER, MACINTYRE, and MR. GLADSTONE is to take the chair at the Newspaper Press Fund İRVING; M188 Madge ROBERTSON, and M188 LE THIBRE. MR. VILLIERS Dinner on the 29th of June. The newspaper managers have taken was rather conventional as a Jew, and somebody else was outrageously care to secure a good leader for their next issue. extravagant as an Honourable Mr. Dawlish. MR. WM. BROUGH's Pygmalion (at the Strand) is neatly written, and
Apropos of Recruiting. full of fun. The actors and actresses of this theatre are a little too “ RANK” POISON :-The cat-o'-nine-tails.
amateurish sketches. London Society whould show better if the first Town Talk.
illustration had been better engraved, and the second (by the late Paul BY THE SAUNTERER IN SOCIETY.
Gray) better printed. The best part of “Playing for High Stakes”
is SMALL's illustration, which is charming. The worst part of “A OME into the garden, Maud, for the Strange Courtship,” I am inclined to think, after long deliberation, is
black bat, night has flown--as MR. the cut that is supposed to illustrate it. Of T. B., Argosy, and
No. 9. in my opinion, to take the taste of
There is weeping in the city, the BURNE JONESES out of one's
There is mourning in the hall,
Just as when stout hearts took pity
On the slain, at Roncesvalle.
With the spring-time and the salad
Comes the worst of human ills,
And the burden of my ballad
Is those fearful tailor's bills.
The heralds came out strong we're told, wish his figures were less spectral and flimsy. The picture which perhaps catches hold of the memory most is HUNT'S “ November 11th,
And wore them stiff with braid of gold. One o'clock, P.M.” In the younger society, the like is done by CARL
2. Werner's “Thebes," with its group of "Majestic Silences," as the
'Twas a glorious bite, philosopher of Cheyne Walk would call them, seated round a quiet
And he took it, and stutter'd, Nile pool; one of them bending forward as if to see more clearly the
From morning to night, reflection of its own decay. HINE, SHALDERS, VACHER, BACH, CAT
Every word that he utter'd. TERMOLE, Hayes, and MOGFORD, sustain the rising repute of the
3. Institute, and LINTON, the latest addition to the list of members,
A blood-red torrent in the ancient time, vindicates the justice of his election. Moreover, one or two of the ladies contribute worthy work-I can't say so much for the female
It rolled sonorous through the poet's rhyme. Associates of the Old Water Colour.
4. TNE French Gallery has a better display than I ever remember toile I know not what it presages, have seen. The finest thing in the Gallery is a landscape by TROFON,That I am filled with dole: like one of TURNER's best. Vibert and ALMA TADEMA also show to A tale of the olden ages advantage; and there is, " on the premises," a splendid pioture of
Is heavy on my soul. * King Candaules," by Gerome, which is truly glorious.
The air is cool and darkles, THE National Portrait Exhibition is open. I have not yet visited
And calmly flows the Rhineit ; but I trust it is better managed than that of last year. Our well
The peak of the mountain sparkles, beloved Cole” has done enough for one year in the selection of works
In evening sunset shine. which he has made to discredit English Art at the Paris Exhibition.
5. I hope he has not found time to "manage” the portrait show, too! I= and several members of the Royal Family-were at the Prince
The poet bid its knees be wrapt in fern, of Wales's Theatre on Saturday week, and we enjoyed the performance
Would you know more, then to his pages turned of Caste greatly. It is one of the best-written and most evenly-acted
6. pieces it has been my good fortune to see. MR. YOUNGE, to my mind, The people of England were camped on the lea, makes a very decided step in his impersonation of the hero, a part And a deed was done there that made Englishmen free. which at first sight seems to be out of his line. Eccles is a character fall of dangerous temptation, which Mr. Honey is not always able to
ANSWER TO ACROSTIC No. 7. resist. Sam Gerridge is a slight part, which the genius of MR. HARE endows with vitality and prominence. Altogether, the performance is
R Rum M a rare treat. It is, perhaps, as well to add, that I have not (as the
V Vivien No papers state that a member of the Royal Family has) "enjoyed the
I Iceland D performance of the great VANCE" lately. When I do, I will take
E Elba A care to admit the fact in large type. At present, I regret to say, I see no probability of my taste coineiding with that displayed, in this in
W Wednesday Y stance, in high quarters.
CORRECT SOLUTIONS OF ACROSTIO No. 7, RECEIVED MAY IST.-Tooting ; Monaline; The magazines are to hand. The illustrations to Corukil are fair Carriglen ; Hamish; Mamie ; P. H.;'Snip; Brymer; E. J. D.; A. T.; A. Gowk
Fanny and Kate; Cab; Lazybones ; Stick in the Mud ; Carver and Gilder this month, especially that to "Stone Edge," in which, however, the Dot; Brick Court ;' Hermit; Xarifa; Ridagisas; Beiatica; Frank and Maria contemplative damsel might have been spared a little more arm. J. 8. ; Query; Curly Green; D. E. H.; The Six Balls; Doep T ought: Hallie; Contents; heavy-ish--but
an article on blank verse valuable. I can't Gad; H. E. V. D.; Sheernasty; Ginger; ? yrtæus; Monks; A. do M, Three Sprats say so much for some Notes of Swiss Travel, enlivened (?) by very | P.T.G. W.; Attempt.
Schneider; Emma; R. A. C.; Fosco; Byngs; Bumblepuppy; J. W.; Leohnza