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In a fortnight? So early as that!
Remember that care killed a cat!
Of anxious and harassing thought ?
But not look so wildly distraught.
To tell it will lighten your care.
It shall not be breathed I declare.
About her perfections, my FRED!
Or anything else on that head?
That raises the bloom on her cheek?
To which your soft nothings you speak ? Do you question her taste-temper-trousseau
The settlement Jones is to draw ?
Oppressive as mothers-in-law ?
'Mid guesses so crafty as these ? Well, owning my mind's destitution,
I beg you'll enlighten me, please!
But SLEEVEBORD has written to say,
You can't have your clothes on the day!
NICHOLAS Down UPON HIS LUCK.
HORSELAYDOWN. HONOURED AND RESPECTED SIR,—Considerable surprise have been expressed at the absence of NICHOLAS from your columns in the last number of the New Serious, and which I have no doubt but what such must have inflicted a bitter pang of disappointment on many thousands of the public breasts.
Considerable surprise have also been expressed, in the commercial circles of Belgravia, at the absence of NICHOLAS from his home for a protracted period, during which all attempts to extort money from the Old Man, no matter how ingenious the plea or plausible the pretext, have been, and will be so, entirely futile that it is the odds of the National Debt to a midshipman's half-pay, as they will not get a single sixpence out of NICHOLAS until his circumstances are very, very different.
You may remember, dear Sir, that the Prophet vaticinated the victory of Cambridge over Oxford in the aquatical computation on the Thames ;-in fact, as you probably lost money by backing my selection, it is more than likely, as the fact may still be vividly impressed upon your mind—a mind, Sir, than which I may truly say none more cultivated and vivacious, if so much so.
It may also, dear Sir, be within your affable recollection that Nicholas prophesied Plaudit for the Two Thousand, and stuck to him with a consistency which he do not often exhibit such with regard to any public animal whatever.
Nor, my dear and venerated benefactor, is it likely as you have for gotten that, several weeks ago, I unhesitatingly declared that the Chester Cup would be won by the game little Lecturer.
Perhaps, as it is highly desirable we should arrive at some clear and definito understanding, I had better put the matter into a tabular form,
and if such causes any additional trouble to your worthy printers,
THE TAILORS' STRIKE. MESSR8 JUDD and Glass, than whom I am sure, if so much so.
INFLUENTIAL MEETING OP AMALGAMATED CUSTOMERS.
An influential meeting of Amalgamated Customers was held in the
Arcade of the Albany, Piccadilly, on Monday last, CH. CHARLBY, Esq.,
in the chair.
After an appropriate anthem, “ Socius est, lepidissima capita!” Oxford and Cambridge Cambridge. Oxford.
The CHAIRMAN remarked he wasn't going to stand this sort of thing Two Thousand Guineas Plaudit.
any longer. Haw. To paraphrase (hoar, hear!) MR. Sam WBLLER, Chester Cup.. Lecturer. Beeswing. battledore and shuttlecock was a very good game when you were not
the shuttlecock, and master tailors and journeymen the battledores. If some of your contemporaries, Sir, would act with equal candour, Haw. He begged to propose a scheme by which amalgamated cus. it might be good for the public, though bad for the prophets.
tomers might place themselves entirely beyond the influence of tailors' Well, no man can stand three such facers in such quick succession. strikes. Haw. His notion was, to discontinue the use of male costume After hovering aboutespecially at Sheerness, which I will say a word altogether, and to substitute for it the garments hitherto considered or two
about it presently I came back into the old neighbourhood of to be peculiarly the property of the female sex. Haw. (Hear.) He meant Bermondsey. MRS. CRIPPS, would,
I daresay, have been delighted, in short, bonnets and frocks, and petticoats, and, haw, that sort of thing. for many reasons, to behold her once-loved lodger
; but, as one of those (Henr, hear.) He, for one, intended to act upon his own suggestion. many reasons is that there is still a little pecuniary trifle outstand. He had ordered a costume from a fashionable milliner's, which he being between us, I have curbed my natural anxiety for to visit her. lieved was, haw, the right thing. It consisted of a red velvet frock, Horselaydown, however, is in the immediate vicinity; besides being a merino bonnet with a rep feather, gauze boots, guipure gloves, á near the River Thames, so that by taking a wherry I could quickly green silk shawl, a pair of Valenciennes cross from one county to another, if a set of malignant creditors should
MR. SPURGEON here rose to order. really push the prophet hard. Besides, I shall be in a favourable The CHAIRMAN, without noticing the interruption, continued-stockposition for picking up aquatic intelligence, to which I feel that you ings and book muslin stays. te begged to suggest that every have not hitherto done justice in your otherwise well-conducted periodi- member present should pledge himself to adopt a similar costume cal publication.
without delay. (Cheers.) And now I am going, Sir, for to have a friendly word or two along The proposal was duly seconded and carried unanimously. of The East Kent Advertiser, and Sheerness, Sittingbourne, and Faversham After another appropriate anthem (Carolus Campanus est nomen Guardian, which his title is ever so much more dignified than that of meum) Fun, and I respect him accordingly. Sir, he seems to be a very well
The meeting separated. conducted paper, and he has a leading article about the Luxembourg question, which it is very much in my own style when he says:
To be taken in Water. "Even this would be little to fight abont, but for the old motives of ambition, The floods near Windsor have been so great that at one time it was national jealousy, lust of territory, and the desire to be the stronger against future believed that the town of Eton was likely
to be swallowed as well. quarrels shall arise, which it is foreseen that not even developed nationalities will avert while States are aggregations of human nature."
Seen in a New Light. But the Old Man, Sir, would have let him alone-the Old Man being peaceable—if he had not ventured to begin the straggle. He Legislative body had passed a resolution abolishing imprisonment for
The prisoners of Clichy illuminated the prison on learning that the on his own head, and which I wash my hands off of it! Tremble, ye debt. Of course, they could make light of a gaol under such circumEast Kent Advertiser, and Sheerness, Sittingbourne, and Faversham
stances, Guardian !
An Old One. The E. K. A., a. 8., S., a. F. G., says as follows :
The journals of Montpensier report the death of an inhabitant of " We were amused only this week to see a reference made to Sheerness in a popular comio periodicals in which, after other things of a non-complimentary that place, MADAME Bouquet by name, at the very advanced age of Character, the writers urges on the friend to whom he writes, dating from Sheer- 103. Her friends must have thought she was a bouquet of everlastness, - P.S. The sherry wine here is beastly. You might send me some down. ings. Whether the public trade of Sheerness will see the “Fund of this observation, we cannot say, but there it is in print, and this is but a fair specimen of the light in which shoerness, and not only its Sherry, but everything else here is viered by a
Snswers to Correspondents. bery large section of our fellow-countrymen at a distance. The same writer, we presumes, ironically mentions Sheerness as this happy village.' " Evidently his notions of it are drawn from Ireland's History of Kent, or some other standard
PICKLES.-Preserve us ! topographical authority of some fifty years ago. He doubtless only visits Sheerness ENQUIRER.-Try a dictionary, in imagination, and, like many other travellers of greater pretension, takes his J. H. WHITBY, doesn't seem to a wit be. observations from the very remote stand-point of some Grub-street lodging?" DONKEY.Perhaps you can explain how "a background corroborates an Now, Sir, if this provincial writer, than whom
idea." EDITORIAL Note. The remainder of the Prophet's commentary is,
ANCHOR. Must be dropt. we regret to say, unfit for publication. Ed. Fun.
R. S., Everton, wishes us to point out "where he comes short of our standard of merit.” Somewhere about the foot of the scale.
RODBRICK Duy. That joke about Robbin' Hood is Roderick in-Dhu
bitably old. SONGS.
T. W. G., Burton.- What do you think?
M. W.-See what we've done for you and be happy!
PHILOPXBGMON.--Over people's heads rather, isn't it?
H. W. L. We fear not.
I. B. D., Walham Groen.--Under consideration.
G. D. S., New Wandsworth, is referred to the notice at the head of this
department. į. I cannot sing the new songs,
F. J.A., Lonsdale-square, might have had better taste than to try to jest They are such awful trash.
hon mach a subject.
O. D. V.-That joke is brand(i)ed by the hand of time.
SCRATCH.-Not up to the mark.
BBER-We don't see the p'int.
PAT.-Doesn't come 80.
*A. E. B.-To quote your own words, " rather impossible."
R. M. B., Upper Norwood. Subject not as good as sketch.
Declined with thanks,–J. K., Kilbarn; H. E. V. D.; A Reader;
LM, N.; W. M.; W. L. G.; H. G., Liverpool ;) A. L., Barnstaple; Ac1 The E. K. A., a. S., S., a. F. G., is very good to say so.
worth, J.M.; H. P. H.; Pet; J. R.; Notes; Initial; T. of. D. H.; : So you are, my dear and honoured sir !
Quaker ; Omicron; A. H.'.G.; H.; J. T. F. ; Archipelago; A. M.; Meaning me, NICHOLAS.
Clifton; A. S., Bedford-row; D. M. Sittingbourne; J.J.L; P.J., WinIf he calls me, NICHOLAS, "a very large section of our fellow.countrymen at a canton, E. P. R.; Allen; H. B. H., Notting-hill; R. Á. B., Upper distance," he must be sather of his head. 5 "We presume!" Yes: you do.
Norwood; A. Constant Subscriber, Coventry; R. R., Upper Holloway; Bloss you, my dear E. F. A., a B., &, a. R. G., I never saw the book in my life. Flower Star; A. B. C.; J. O., Kentish Town Road; C. B.; C. H. 3.'; 7. Not Grub-street, my friend; Hormlaydown. This little touch shows the true Dionysius Dryasdust; B. G.; L. W.Q., Liverpool ; R. B.; F. B., Southgentleman and man of letters.
THE BRITISH MUSEUM.
word of hope while concealed from the gaze of the world by the bulky The Natural History Collection at the British Museum must be portmantean on four posts which does duty for an elephant in the looked to for amusement rather than instruction. The student will
neighbourhood of Russell-square. not gain much information from creatures stuffed like a pet lapdog Museum to the parents of refractory children. There are one or two
We can also recommend the Natural History Department of the beyond recognition. But the philosopher will find food for smiles in cheerful crocodiles and some other specimens which, properly managed, the beasts, which may be described as ex-straw-dinarily well stuffed will frighten a naughty boy into fits. In the Entomological Division without any departure from truth,
for they generally overflow with there are some nice hairy spiders that will make anybody feel very unloth to deprive thousands (at an average of twenty weekly) of the comfortable, and may be applied, morally, to the backs of die
obedient daughters with great effect. harmless amusement of laughing at the monstrosities, that PROFESSOR OWEN, a knowin' professor, does not take steps to replace them with something more like the real animals. The hippopotami are set up in
THE HERMIT. such an extraordinary manner, and are 80 unlike the real article, that we can scarcely wonder at the broad grin in which each specimen in
O SOLITARY Eremite, dulges. They, in common with the elephants, tapirs, and other thick
Thy cell is low and dim; skinned animals, have had their hides obtrusively mended in so many
And yet that glance so merry might places, that we have met with students of natural history and fre
Approve a jestive whim. quenters of the British Museum, who believed this order of mammals
But, no! thine eye belieth thee, to have been called "patch-yderms" on this very account. Poor
Thou art a solemn wight, Pachyderms, they have need to be thick-skinned when their rags and
And fast or penance tristh thee tatters are made such an open exhibition !
By day and eke by night. Altogether owing to the 80-so way in which the sutures have been made in the process of stuffing, the animals bear small resemblance to
This grot, how still and lone it is, the living creatures to be seen at Regent's-park:--their seaming, in
It must be very dull! short, is anything but lifelike.
Thy sole companion bone it is— Rumours have been set afloat from time to time that the Natural
A brown and fleshless skull. History Collection is to be removed to other quarters, but the report is
“ It's nothing of the sort, you hum!" generally contradicted. We are inclined to think that it will stop
Said he, with cheerful tone, where it is, as it seems to be stationary, if not retrograde, in character.
“ My only caput mortuum, One of the advantages of the Natural History Collection at the British Museum is to be found in the opportunities it offers for young
A hogshead—is of Beaune!” people to conduct their courtships. Many a happy swain can date his folicity from the fortunate moment when he stole his first kiss from the
Another New Fashion. object of his worship, having carefuily put the hippopotamus between We see it stated in the Lady's Own Paper that “a new fashion in himself and her parents. Offers have been made and accepted under ladies' bonnets has made its appearance-the long ribbons which dethe shadow of the abnormally elongated hat-stand known to the pend from them down the back being fitted at the ends with little custodians of the collection as the giraffe. An intimate friend assures gold bells.". This is a tolerably broad hint on the part of the ladies. us that his present wife, then a wealthy widow, to whom he offered They wish those who are after them to know that they have no settled consolation in exchange for Consols, first found courage to give him a objection to a ring.
London : Printed by JUDD & GLASS, Phønix Works, St. Andew's Hill, Doctors' Commons, and I ublished (for the Propriotor) by W. ALDER, at 80, Fleet-street, E.C.
May 11, 1867.
ENCORE CROQUET I
I'm in luck's way for a change, MR. EDITOR,
Now I am out of your sight and away,
Offered me “tick," to be started in May.
I could have ventured to answer the call
Given a sky which wears nothing but blue,
Given a morning with nothing to do;
Given a well-weighted mallet and ball :
For croquet we started at Heatherleigh Hall?
Plenty of peplums both silky and satiny,
Boots over tassles and half up the Stop!
Are these not subjects t'were better to drop ?
For fair and for dark and for short and for tall,
Were attractive as ever at Heatherleigh Hall.
That is, you know, by the rules of the game,
Stealing its fair and legitimate aim.
Really the game is worth nothing at all,
But that's not the croquet at Heatherleigh Hall.
MILLICENT ask with the eyes and the hair,
If they think personal spooning is fair !
Judge by the eyelids just raised ere they fall-
Or come down to croquet at Heatherleigh Hall.
Customer :-"PLAIN-HUMPH! Some of 'BM WERB DOWNRIGHT UGLY!"
FROM OUR STALL.
accompany the action of the drama. But, in spite of its accessories,
A Wild Goose is very tiresome; and the sooner MR. BUCKSTONE'S We have been bitterly disappointed in the last Haymarket comedy, company returns to its speciality, old comedy, the better. We cannot 4. Wild Goose : the name of Dion BoUCICAULT led us to expect some- leave the Haymarket without a sigh of regret for the charming face of thing of a far different character. He only edits the piece, it is true; Miss NELLY MOORE. but his editorship makes him responsible for a very dreary and conventional play. The fourth act closes with a tolerably effective situation—the recovery of a stolen heir from gipsies by the aid of the
A DAY FOR WISHING. military : this incident is worth keeping awake to see. The remainder of the piece—as far as regards plot—is only worth falling asleep to
(By a Bard with a wishy-washy mind.) avoid. Some broadly farcical business between a comic squire and a
I CANNOT mind my wheel to-daycoquettish old frump of a housekeeper has been introduced, we imagine,
The weather is as hot as blazes ; as a graceful relief to the melodramatic part of the story. In our own
I wish that I could get away. critical bosom it aroused feelings of inexpressible sadness. The gallery
To anywhere you like, and play. shrieked with delight when Mr. Buckstone came out of a cupboard
Among the buttercups and daisies. with an unnecessary quantity of jam upon his cheeks ; when the comic squire came rushing into the gipsy encampment with a large pistol,
I wish I had a silly book and very nearly spoilt the artistic effect of a tableau, the gallery shrieked
(Most easily fulilled of wisbes) again. Well, well; the piece is capitally mounted, and the view of a
To read beside a crystal brookruined abbey by moonlight is admirable. MR. SOTHERN, as the dare
Or else a rod, a line, a hook, devil hero, plays with plenty of spirit, but reminds us now and then of
And lots of gentles for the fishes. Lord Dundreary by a pensive way of uttering things that signify nothing in particular. MR. BUCKSTONE does his best for a very weak
I wish that I were lying, prone part; and Mr. Rogers makes a sullen and ferocious chief of the gipsies.
And idle, where the trees are shadyOf the other gentlemen we can only say that they would probably be
Contemplative and quite alone, more interesting if the author had given them the chance. Miss
Or talking in an undertone MINNIE SIDNEY gives much pathos to the character of a gipsy girl;
To some beloved and lovely lady. the quiet simplicity of her acting makes it singularly effective. Mrs. CHIPPENDALE is a picture of geniality, Miss Ione Burke is alternately
But, though I feel to-day a call vivacious and sentimental, and Miss CAROLINE Hill looks as pretty
For reading silly books, or fishing, and piquante as usual. The "waits” are commendably short, and the
Or idling where the trees are tall, music which fills them is well selected and well played. Mr. Wal
Or making love-yet, most of all, LERSTEIN has composed, by the way, some very picturesque music to
I wish I knew the good of wishing.
and beauties of creation, and I am proud to think that as MR. BARKAS
declares my little par. has set the scheme going. I may conBY THE SAUNTERER IN SOCIETY.
gratulate that gentleman on the excellent judgment he displays in
refusing to give prizes for collections of birds' eggs on the ground that ICTORES PRIORES this week, if you
it is desirable to discourage the destruction of small birds. please. And they deserve an immediate this month. I wish the editor had told us, though, whether the paper
To finish up the magazines :- Temple Bar is quite up to the mark and warm recognition, for they have in the last number about the lion's mode of hunting was founded on made this year's Exhibition of the Royal fact, or merely a bit of gammon. What it relates is quite posstble, it Academy a truly excellent one. SIR EDWIN has done some good work this instinct of the brute creation. The Argosy is a fair number. Belgraria
appears to me, who have a profound reverence for what some call the year, but I can't say I admire his great I haven't yet seen, so I won't criticise it. The London I have seen, so picture, which has the place of honour I will. The wrapper is like an advertisement block, and the first cut -a portrait of " Her Majesty at Bal. is terribly feeble, in the worst London Society style. The literature is moral in 1866”—the date must be a misprint, for the Queen looks scarcely expect, if one had not long since abandoned all belief in prospectuses.
not startlingas the wording of the prospectus would have led one to thirty. John Brown, the three dogs; The railway story turning on the late strike, and describing how a and the horse, are all in mourning too! driver tried to smash a train, is objectionable. Playing at class-libel is Poynter's “Israel in Egypt ” is a
not pretty. Cassell's Magazine is very much improved. splendid picture. It realizes the scene to
I see MESSRS. ROUTLEDGE are publishing a Natural History of Man, perfection, and there's capital compo- which I suppose is a sort of continuation of that of animals already sition and sound figure-drawing in it. published by them. It is illustrated by WOLF, Zweckes, and others, Leighton's “Venus,” with the flesh and I can recommend the engravings to those sage critics who comcompounded of honey and milk, as the plained of the scratchy style of the Messrs. Dalziel last Christmas. flesh of The Immortals should be, is a
There is some tint-cutting in these pictures which proves they can glorious creation, and is half an excuse handle drawings in any way that is best suited for them. The black, that it is not calculated to awake the muse of SWINBURNE, which is glossy skins of the Kaifirs in the first number are most truthfully given satisfactory. The “ Bathers,” by WALKER, is another notable bit of I would suggest to the publishers that as this new issue is a companion
in simple tint. It would puzzle the graphotype to render such work. nude drawing, of the most masterly description. MILLAIS atones for to their excellent Natural History, it is undesirable to introduce cuts “Jephthah” by "Sleeping" and "The Minuet.” Paton's "Fairy Raid” of animals from the last-named book into the present volumes. The is full of exquisite fancy and rare colour. Pettil's “Treason" tains some wonderful studies of expression and a better one of colour. publication will be most interesting. ORCHARDSON's “Talbot and the Countess of Auvergne”, is capitally, Animals will not overlook the clause in the new Metropolitan Im
I SINCERELY trust that the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to conceived, lifelike and vigorous. In “Kiss and make it up again Mr. Nicol, hitherto famed for his humour, shows that he can touch provement Act, by which the police are directed to take possession the tender side as a true humourist should, and Fast, in his Blind takes jolly dogs" into custody, and I fear the four-footed canines
of stray dogs. Your constable is not the mildest of men whon he Man at the Gate,” gives us something worthy of the painter of "The will fare still worse at his hands.' It is not every one who can lay Mitherless Bairn,” and that is something. Cooke's skeleton of “A hand on a strange dog. One must be thoroughly acquainted with Whale at Pevensey,” is very good, and so is his “Venetian View." dog-language and dog-physiognomy to do it—and with dog-etiquette YEAMES' " Dawn of the Reformation,” WYNFIELD'S “Deathbed of too. I foresee an immense amount of needless brutality and cruelty Cromwell,” and LESLIE'S" Willow," are good, and Mark: makes from this provision, and hope it will be struck out by some humane much of “Falstaff's Own,” while CALDERON fully sustains his repu- M.P.-there is no representative for Barking, I fear. "I should be untation in “ Home after Victory;" Hodgson's “Evensong has a fine grateful to the memory of many a four-footed friend-of tried fidelity devotional feeling
about it. Whistler seems to have been rather and unswerving affection—if I did not do my best, by noting this, to cruelly treated. His “Symphony in White; No. III.” is evidently save the race from unmerited suffering. part of a harmonious series, which cannot be properly judged by itself, though it is a fine tour de force. A. MOORE, who paints in a somewhat similar key, exhibits an admirable picture entitled “Musicians,” extremely delicate in colour and clever in drawing. PRINSEP shows up
A ROUND OF DISSIPATION. to better advantage than usual this year, but is heavy and clayey still in some parts. LEGROS, the much-praised, imitates the tone of the
My country cousins, EMMA JANE,
And Asx Eliza Brown, Old Masters tolerably successfully, but I don't altogether believe in the Old Masters (heresy that, I take it !), and don't believe at all in
Have just begun to think again
Of coming up to town. copying them. Nasoy, another fashionable painter, has improved ;
Their letter says that “ Cousin BOB his girl this year has left off driving geese, and has turned her atten
Most eagerly, no doubt, tion to donkeys and sheep. Of the old favourites, such as GOODALL,
Will undertake the little job Sant, CRESWICK, STANFIELD, ELMORE, Wells, and ANSDELL, I need
Of leading them about.” say no more than that they are well represented. Maclise is not altogether happy. Frith is welcome, and so is HERBERT—both have
Miss Esma Jane is thirty-three, been shy exhibitors of late years. Hart is not welcome; his
Her sister thirty-five; “ Barbarossa" is one of the largest tea-boards I ever saw, and occupies
And (out-of-town) they seem to me too much valuable space. WARD is stagey to the last degree.
The nicest girls alive. ARMITAGE is Academic and conventional to the verge of absurdity
They're very plump and very brown, please observe Savonarola's hand! A. Hughes's “Cissy so tall is
And always on the grin; quite unworthy of him. Hook is delightful. Two small unfinished
I'll show them ev'rything in town-pictures of Phillips will not do justice to his memory; the public will
But where shall we begin? not see they want a last painting-on. Melby exhibits one of his
The Polytechnic is a treat, clever seas, and Dix (a son of the General) a spirited coast scene, and
And country folks should go Vicat Cole gives us some splendid breakers-a new line for him.
To contemplate in Baker-street, But the palm for marine painting is carried off by Brett; if you love
The figures of Tussaud. the sea as I do, I'll defy you to do that picture in less than a quarter
They'll wish, of course, to see the parks of an hour. Of the younger men there is a good show. MARCUS Stone, TOURRIER, ARCHER, WAT:on, Boughton, Houghton, Hall,
(Just nicely out in flow'r)
And make historical remarks Davis, BRENNAN, HARDY, Dicer, and G. Saxt, are to the fore with capital work. And now I think I have pretty well exhausted the list
While studying the Tower. of the best pictures-or shall have done so when I notice that LEADER
The Bank, the Abbey, and St. Paul's, and Mignot have sent exquisite landscapes to the exhibiton.
Are surely things to see; I am greatly pleased to see, from this month's number of that ex
And Richmond's worth a dozen calls, . cellent publication, Hardwicke's Science Gossip, that a hint I threw out
And Greenwich two or three. some time since has been acted on. Mr. BARKAs of Newcastle has
But, when my cousins come to town, offered prizes for the best collections of natural objects made by young
My first and foremost care people of Northumberland and Durham. These juvenile museums
Shall be to take the Misses Brown will spread a love of Natural History and appreciation of the marvels
To see Trafalgar Square.