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NE day on high Olympus, forging thunderbolts and fuming,

Sat Jove, by gods surrounded, sipping nectar, as we're told,
And he drew out from his pocket just a poster unassuming,

Printed bright in fiery letters, on a double sheet of gold ;
Then said JUPITER to MERCURY, who happened to be boarding

In Olympus with his brother gods and goddesses a night,
" Paste the poster, trusty messenger, on wall and corner hoarding,
That the deities who run may read, and running, read aright.'

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Swift few the glad intelligence, how JUPITER intended

To ask each witty god and wily goddess to compete
For a mighty prize he'd offered, on which fortunes he'd expended,

For breaking women's hearts, and bringing lovers to their feet.
“Seek me out a jolly pastime, game, amusement, if you like it,

Wherein mortal men and women," said the king of gods, can join.
When the iron, of the heart, is hot 1 dearly love to strike it,

Though some bachelors are needy, and some women roll in coin.'


Pan and Bacchus came together, with a double sort of notion,

Of picnics on the river, sunny girls, and iced champagne,
With a dream of woods, forget-me-nots, a boat's delicious motion,

Songs and sentiments, and happiness—bar Pluvius and rain ;
And they told how opportunities were advertised for strolling,

And of couples who have lost themselves—pretended to, at least, -
Of ferny banks, and attitudes, and rugs, and lazy lolling,

Lobster salad, wine in tumblers, and a very awkward feast.
To Jove's throne, in exultation, young TERPSICHORE came dancing,

She had notions of excitement running strangely in her head,
And in vivid colours painted, lights, and flowers, bright eyes glancing,

And the waltzes which have little loves to Hymen's altar led ;
And she told of sweet flirtations, over lemon-water ices,

And of sweeter assignations when the cloaks are wrapt around;
Hinting strongly, how a trois-temps has led boobies to a crisis,

And ihə comfort of conservatories mothers oft have found.


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Then with horsey slang and laughter, came Diana in a canter,

Shouting loudly to the loungers to get out and clear the way;
And with noisy volubility propounded she instanter,

How she'd tame the wildest chesnut and the most pugnacious bav;
Then she raved of hounds and hunting, meets, and horses tame and vicious,

And the “go-ahead, well-plucked ones," "snobs in scarlet who disturb;"
And she hinted how men's tempers, like their horses, are capricious,

And how dainty women's fingers are the lightest on the curb.


Then APOLLO, the far-darter, came with arrows in his quiver,

And was loud in exultation of the lesson of the bow;
But the deities all shouted, “ With your quiver to the river !"

And protested how that archery, and archers too, were slow.
When he tried a mild suggestion of toxophilites and parties,
- Where for shooting and flirtation men and women oft are brought,
“Down at Plymouth,” said old NEPTUNE, "when they shoot, you know, my

For a dozen married women I have very vainly sought."


Little CUPID, for a minute, had escaped from APHRODITE,

Very plump and very hearty, as all honest love should be,
And he said, “I've found a game out, never slow and never flighty,

And it's capable of skill as well as spooning, as you'll see.”
Then he sang a song of croquet, of its present and hereafter,

With such exquisite persuasion, and such mischief in his eyes,
That the deities, delighted, shook Olympus with their laughter,

And to CUPID was awarded, for his cheekiness, the prize!

A Hint.

Quite So. WHEREFORE this rage for sauces? Literature is paling before con- " An advocate of fair play" writes to protest against the outcry diments, and the “Chef" sauce is advertised almost as extensively as which certain railway shareholders are making about the failure of a the Broadway. The hoardings of London at the present moment must gigantic contracting firm. He says—with some show of reason—that be a source of irritation to a hungry man. “The” sauce fights for a man deserves to lose his money if he places it in the hands of a firm the mastery with the “Chef,” so ably recommended for dyspepsia ; which is practically Peto—and bets ! while the " Mancunium" insists upon stepping in with another claim for recognition, and a reminder that hitherto we have not been posted in the classical name for Manchester. But what have these piccalilly

Dog French. merchants been at not to have hit upon the one great title for gherkins A VETERINARY surgeon of our acquaintance, who has just returned which would delicately combine fact with fancy? Think of the from the French Exhibition with a smattering of the language, has flaring announcement on the walls, “Try our MANSFIRLD Curry," or given to one ward in his “Hospital for Dogs" what he calls the appro“For irritable patients there is no remedy like JBBYIS' Pickles ! priate title of the salle à manger.


Having advised you of our arrival, I shall expect to hear daily

reports of the warehouse. Please state when the expected consignment A DOMESTIC DRAMA SET FORTH IN A FEW FAMILIAR EPISTLES.

of Bath bricks arrives from Bristol.

Your obedient servant, [From Miss Julia Loblolly, Broadstairs, to Miss Aminta Jipkittle, Nor.


(To be continued.) MY DEAR MINTY,-as I promised, when I left Athene Lodge, and “the almost motherly care of the Misses NIPPER (N.B. French, dancing, and music extra),” I write to tell you that a most important

DOUBLE ACROSTIC. event in my life seems to be looming in the distance. Since I quitted the Academy I have, as you know, been living with my uncle Čaleb,

No. 27. who is, alas, an oil and Italian warehouseman, having inherited the

“Come unto these yellow sands' business from my grandfather, while my late pa deviated into the

And make a circle, joining hands, artistic branch of it by painting in oils, and having a picture once in

Dance round and round, the Royal Academy. Although at his death, owing to the mere solid

And skip and dounb. advantages of trade over the fame of the painter's profession (and the

In brisk aquatio sarabands! picture was noticed in one of the papers, though hung somewhere near the ceiling), I have been compelled to reside with my uncle; I trust I have a soul above pickles and salad oil, and have ever sighed for some

1. loftier sphere, who would have the manners of a gentleman, and the

Famous old THACKERAYmeans of something above the common.

Foe to all quackeryI believe my aunt, who is a woman without any mind, and doesn't

Gave him this nick-nameknow it two minutes together, is thinking of me for one of my cousins,

A likely-to-stick name ! only she can't quite decide which. GEORGE is the eldest, and is a pre

2. destined oil-and-Italian, so that I dismiss him at once. WILLIAM is at the London University, or some such place, studying to be a natural

Just bake-not too fiercely-your greens or your meat, philosopher, or something of the kind, only he reminds me so dreadfully

First closing the oven-door well : of the Polytechnic and Miss Jane Nipper's lectures on Natural Science, Then the first man of science call in from the street, that I can't bear him. The rest of the family are young, my aunt

And he'll give you this name for the smell. apparently couldn't make up her mind for six years or so whether she

3. would have any more children after George, WILLIAM, and MatiLDA (such a guy, MINTY !), and then made up for lost time with twins, and

Of this classical tar

The journeyings are one every year since. My uncle destines me for his manager, Mr. PIPPINGS—a short, pale

Recorded in metrical lore. man, with freckles and red hair. A coronet would be dear at such a

Like our tar of to-day pricema possible partnership in a pickle trade impossible !

He'd a fleece, by the way, We have been down here a week. It's a delightful and very little

Awaiting his coming ashore. place, with a little bay, George says it's 80 small, its only a bay bay

4. -all to itself. It is more select, and less numerous than Ramsgate and At the pipe, and the cup, and the woolly peruque, Margate, and very quiet. The pier is so small, GEORGB says it's only

Don't be shy, sirs! Allow me the aunt of a duke! a courtesy title, and there are only about a dozen bathing machines. There's a cliff and a promenade, with a place George calls "the

5. gardens of Gull"-a grass-plat with eight or ten tame seagulls walking They mean title on these things conferringabout. They seem to belong to an old lady who keeps the usual sea- They're neither fish, flesh, fowl, nor good red-herring. side shell-and-alabaster stall. George calls her “the old gu(r)l”-ho's

6. always making his stupid jokes, and trying to be agreeable. But all this is not what I meant by looining in the future. I have

With horn and wingmade the acquaintance of such a dear duck of a handsome creature. He

A weird-like thing is quite le militaire, and his name is Acier, and such a duck of a mous

A ghoul-a ghost- a phantom I'm! tache, and such boots, and he is so clever, and knows everybody. He

And you'll be vext came down in the same boat with us to Margate, and we made quite

At Christmas next friends. He pointed me out Mr. C#*RL*8 DECK*X8 here on the beach

Unless I'm in the pantomime. yesterday-not at all like his photographs, for he is about six feet high,

7. stout in proportion, no whiskers, and bald. He knows ALOERNON (that

If from the yoke this wight be not soon freod, is that dear Mr. ACIER's name), quite well, and bowed to him when be

I fear 'twill chicken-hearted preve, indeed!
was walking with me!
There ! but I must conclude, for it is just post-time. More in my next.
Your loying


P.S.- I don't sign my surname in full, because-but as you so often

H Honolulu said, no girl can help her surname, it is her duty to try and select &

Air better.

M Miami P.S.S.-WILLIAM, the natural philosopher, is endeavouring to solve

Erato the problem why all the doors at seaside lodgings never shut properly,


Echini and can only be opened by turning the handle in exactly the opposite direction to the ordinary.


N Nay [Mr. Caleb Loblolly, Broadstairs, to Mr. Pippings, Oil and Italian Ware- side)Mashed Turnips; Jerry Ditton; '0. K. (Brighton); Vinnie; Holdfast ;

CORRECT SOLUTIONS OF ACROSTIC No. 25, RECEIVED 4TH SEPTEMBER :-Bob (Deehouse, Lower Curboy-street, City.] DEAR SIR,—This family, consigned per steamboat to Margate, and on by conveyance, as arranged before leaving London, was duly deli

An Interesting Mem. vered en the afternoon of Monday last. No damages in transit, with

In olden times the student or man of letters was frequently accused the exception of a flask of best oil broken in Mrs. Li's box. ! We find the situation airy and salubrious, with a fine

opening for the of dealing in magic. How little

have things changed in this respect for ordinary scouring purposes, being of an inferior sort, and rather rary literature, we are compelled to come to the conclusion that the coarse. Mr. George went out fishing two days ago. His alleged in majority of writers of the present day might be convictod out of their tention was to catch sprats with a view to discovering if they are the

own writings of "and-which"-craft! sardines of commerce in a state of nature; but whether the idea was

Turf Nomenclature. prompted by a spirit of fun, or an eye to business, I cannot say, for, as you know, I regret to say the future head of the business displays a FLYING SCUD.--This horse has been re-named and will uture be levity quite inconsistent with the oil and Italian interests.

known as the Bouci Colt.


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with politiks I think it's high time as the Queen come and looked To LETITIA-ANN AT MARGATE FROM MATILDA-JANE IN LONDON. into it, afore she goes away to France where I do hear she's invited

Dear LTTY,-Now that you are amongst the fashionables as have next October. But law, there; if you're enjoying yourself at Margate, gone out of town, I think I must say that it's you as should write to and I don't say but what the srimps is a pleasure, and so's the jetty mo; at least such is what I always heard was the case in the Family when the wind ain't that high as gives you no control

, I don't envy Herald Etiket Book, that it is the superior as first takes notice, and you, for me and Sam we've got High-park pretty well to ourselves now that makes good the old sayin', "Don't speak till you're spoke to." there ain't no rough meetings; and if September's the best month in I haven't no patience with them newspapers, which all of 'em say as

the country it's a good deal better in London. Why, if you want everybody's in the country, and that there's nobody left in London and fresh air, just go out for a stroll round St. Paul's Churchyard at about such like, as I consider insulting to us that's compelled for to stay here, dusk and you'll have plenty of it I'll be bound, as well I know as and as the Flanure in the Morning Star said only last week, as there have bad that best umbrella o' mine torn to ribbons, as Sam and me was the Editor of the Times and Mr. Top-HBATLY (whoever can he be was on our ways to the pendy boat. Becos, don't you think us people with such a funny name), and Mr. Tom TAYLOR, and the Flanure here insinificant as they may be don't take their pleasures ; I can tell hisself and a good many other important people still in London, so I you I've been regʻlar holiday makin' ever since you left; and what says ditto to Mr. Flanure which wherever he can have got such a name should we do-me and Sam-the other evening but go for a escursion from I can't make out, as always reminds me of underclothing, as we up the river. Such a splendid sight, and the water quite fresh to what shall soon be wanting to take to again if the weather gets much cooler. it used to be, and the bridges and the grand public buildings beautiful But as I was a-gayin', however the papers can pretend as everybody is on the shore, as is soon to be laid out as a promenard, all stone and gone to the seaside-for I cao tell you not even you ain't everybody, marvellous. Well

, we had such a tea at a place quite close to the LETITIA-passes my judgment when there's no ockilar difference in the Lowther Arcade by an Itallian name of GATTI, and then where do crowds of people in Cheapside, and when we know that not a sixth you think we went? Why, to the Covent Garden Theatre, wherepart of the people in our spere of life, nor yet a tenth of the lower There, don't talk of no other concerts! Why, it was just the same orders, if even a twentieth, gets more than a breath of country for as that night when we went to JULLIEN's when me and Sam was above a day or so from year's end to year's end, and what's more, a-courtin', only there's two masters of the ceremonies now-nobody don't want it; for, as I often say, there's nothink like London after hasn't been able to support the fatigue as poor Jullien did, a-flourish. all, as I'd rather stay at home with my comforts around me in the hot ing that stick about, and keeping the others up to the scratch-regʻlar weather, than be stived up in a frumpy lodgin' by the seaside, where slave-driving, I call it. But lor, they do play beautiful; and the them as is used to a good bedstead that's regʻlar cleaned three times a place that full and yet not at all incommosive. The second conductor, year and not a vestige of a animalachi, can't get over the sort o'

one by the name of Straws—which what queer names these foreigners company as they find. Why, there's Southend, as the journey is do give themselves—it's wonderful to see him, how he goes at it; and certainly not dear at half-a-crown both ways. You never catch me every now and then a-snatchin' up his fiddle and tearing away on it, a-goin' there to sit down on the grass in the ornymental garden again, to show the rest how to keep the pot a-bilin'. The singing, too, was which

the grass is that invested in feas, that your things is reg'lar beautiful, and the ladies-though perhaps they do dress that low as lined with 'em. No, there's more stays in London by half than goes wouldn't suit the mother of a family-quite picters for the

fashions, as comfortable, I don't see why you as goes away should give yourself got up on the orkstrer; but let me tell you we didn't go till we'd had such airs as to say you're everybody, but Sam says as that's what's

a somethink.

Yours, called representation by the minority, and if it's got anythink to do

MATILDA JANE TROTTLE. Lepdop : Priated by JUDD & GLASS, Phænis Works, St. Andrew's skill, Doctors' Commons, and Published (for the Proprietor) by W. ALDER, at 80, F oct-streek, B.C.

Septomber 14, 1867.

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And if you don't, my lord "

He here stood bolt upright, And tapped a tailor's sword

Come out, you cad, and fight!”


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TROUBADOUR he played

Without a castle wall,
Within, a hapless maid

Responded to his call.
“Oh, willow, woe is me!

Alack and well-a-day!
If I were only free

I'd hie me far away!”
Unknown her face and name,

But this he knew right well,
The maiden's wailing came

From out a dungeon cell.
A hapless woman lay

Within that dungeon grim-
That fact, I've heard him say,

Was quite enough for him. “I will not sit or lie,

Or eat or drink, I vow,
Till thou art free as I,

Or I as pent as thou!”
Her tears then ceased to flow,

Her wails no longer rang, And tuneful in her woe

The prisoned maidun sang: “Oh, stranger, as you play

I recognise your touch;
And all that I can say
Is thank you very much !

!" He seized his clarion straight,

And blew thereat, until A warden oped the gate,

Oh, what might be your will I" “I've come, sir knave, to see

The master of these balls: A maid unwillingly

Lies prisoned in their walls." With barely stifled sigh

That porter drooped his head, With teardrops in his eye,

"A many, sir,” he said. He stayed to hear no niore,

But pushed that porter by, And shortly stood before

SIR HUGH DE PECKHAM Rye. Sir Hugh he darkly frowned,

“What would you, sir, with me?” The troubadour he downed

Upon his bended knee.

Sir Hugh he called-and ran

The arden from the gate : “Go, show this gentleman

The maid in forty-eight.” By many a cell they past

And stopped at length before A portal, bolted fast:

The man unlocked the door. He called inside the gate

With coarse and brutal shout, " Come, step it, forty-eight !"

And forty-eight stepped out.

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“They gets it precious hot,

The maidens wot we cotchTwo years this lady's got

For collaring a wotch.” “Oh, ah !-indeed -I see".

The troubadour exclaimed “If I may make so free,

How is this castle named ?" The warden's eyelids fill,

And sighing, he replied, Of gloomy Pentonville

This is the Female Side!The minstrel did not wait

The warden stout to thank, But recollected straight

He'd business at the Bank !

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come, DE PECKHAM Rre,

To do a Christian task,
You ask me what would I ?

It is not much I ask. “Release these maidens, sir,

Whom you dominion o'erParticularly her

Upon the second floor!"


Tempora mutantur.

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Town Talk.

sang capitally in the good old style. He will, I suppose, have a benefit, which I trust will be a bumper ; but let us hope that his long

connexion with the Adelphi does not entail banishment to Maybury. * BY THE SAUNTERER IN SOCIETY.

Fair play is a jewel! The opposition tubs managed, the other day, it being the dull season, to set off a paragraph about the Albert Victor,

which was an absurd exaggeration. I was not on board, but one who WAS a little doubtful of the good was tells me she merely grated twice on the sort of foundation wall of news from Abyssinia the other the Boulogne pier. Any one who has seen CAPTAIN Martin take the day when I wrote, but I didn't boat-a long one, too-through the Pool will trust his seamanship like to seem a croaker. However, anywhere. It is quite cheerful to see the way in which she overhauls it appears the report of the release the opposition boats, though they start half-an-hour before her. It is of the captives is not confirmed to be hoped, in the interest of the public, whose comfort is thoroughly but rather the reverse. It's a bad attended to on board her, that the combination will not succeed in job, for I don't think we shall get running her off. honour or credit by the expedi- The theatres are opening, so that I suppose town is filling. It has tion.

not been so empty, by the way, that it could not fill the Strand so well The Yankees are a wonderful

as to induce Mr. and Mng. HOWARD PAUL to continue their enterpeople! Amid all their home dif- tainment for another week or so. ficulties and squabbles they can find time to make a difficulty with us about the Alabama and a hun

THE METROPOLITAN. dred other similar matters. LORD

AN ODE TO MYLES FENTON, ESQUIRE. STANLEY has conducted his correspondence with SEWARD admirably,

Oy, MR. FENTON, say, and I trust he will carry his point,

If thousands, day by day, and bring matters to an amicable Must hurt their lungs in your sub-ways infernal ? 区 settlement. I am the more hope

Or was the Globe's queer hash ful, because I think it likely that

Of science, only trash SEWARD is only working the oracle Sensational, to make folks buy that journal. for his own purposes. No doubt his hectoring with England is a good

Do we, whene'er we pass, move for electioneering purposes, and he may have a deep game in

Breathe deleterious gas, view of which few suspect him.

That hurts the wind-pipe at the Gower-street station ? The John T. Ford, attempting to follow the suit of the Red, White,

And in the tunnels drear and Blue, got wrecked the other day-and no one will be astonished

Is fearful fire-damp near, to hear it. She was not built on lifeboat principles, and does not seem To whelm us in a gonoral conflagration ? to have been well handled. It is to be hoped this will put a stop to such rash ventures. I should be glad to see another style of naviga

True, an old lady died. tion knocked on the head-I mean the use of the so-called canoe. The

With pains in chest and side, owner of the Rob Roy has much to answer for. He has set a lot of From trav'lling where tho sempiternal night is ; imitative noodles running after a novelty, and until some serious acci.

But you may safely swear, dents have happened the "fad” will be persisted in. It has none of

She would have died elsewhere, the merits of rowing, and more than its dangers. It is neither skilful For why? She had a very bad bronchitis. nor graceful work-put one of your canoe-men into the real Indian

Though LANKESTER still prates, craft, with the single paddle, and see what he would do! I hope that

And says the line he hates, boating men will set their faces against the novelty, and exclude it

A coroner who talks too much at randem; from regattas and races; and that it will be discouraged at Eton, our

Yet thousands love that way great rowing school.

Of travelling: you can say The French Exhibition, from all accounts, is likely to be a big

De gustibus, sir, non est disputandum. failure; the Imperial Commission could not have managed matters much worse if it had been composed of Coles and Dilkes. The un

Though sulphur hangs about, seemly row about the chairs was almost worthy of our commission.

Not pleasant thero, no doubt, The number of visitors is falling off, the shows in the grounds don't It isn't in a quantity alarming. pay, the theatre is closed by bankruptcy, and, altogether, the affair is

And yellow gas you burn, in a poor way. It is likely to be the last of those big bazaars which

Gives dim light that will turn went by the pretentious name of "International Exhibitions” – which An ancient lady to a maiden charming. were to aid peace and commerce, but which never hindered a war, and

That writer I opine, damaged as many tradesmen as they benefited. We know all about

Who raved about the line, them over here, having held several, and the result is that, according to the papers, the show in the English departmant is very poor indeed

And talked of choke-damp and of poisonous gases ;

Of chemistry knew nought -because the British tradesman did not care to go over and advertise

As certainly he ought; on such exorbitant terms!

We'll leave him in the catalogue of asses.
The Argosy this month is more than ordinarily good. “Lieutenant
Foozy” is capital ; so is “Grumpibus and the Cereus ;” and there are

We'll throng the station door, other good papers. The verse, too, is better than usual. The Sunday

Although the Co, Magazine is strong in its illustrations, and the principal story keeps up

Be round about us as that scribe supposes; its interest well. The rest is up to the accustomed standard of this

Serene, uninoved are we periodical. Good Words is well illustrated this month, but though

Although some CO, there's a new story begun by GEORGE MACDONALD, and a pleasant May tickle his most sensitive of noses. paper on "La Belle France" by John HALIFAX, the thing for which

Therefore be of good cheer, the number will be best known is an article on “Our Discharged

FENTON, through all the year, Convicts," from the able pen of Dr. W. GILBERT. It contains

High dividends shall glad thy sage directors, some surprising revelations, which may be relied on, however, as they

In spite of foolish men, come from a writer who does not mix facts and sensation. I should

Who wield a feeble pen, recommend every one who takes an interest in social questions to get Mayhaps of rival lines the wild projectors. this month's Good Words. Routledge's Magazine for Boys keeps well up to the mark. The Gardener's Magazine contains much seasonable

Still until “ Dust to dust" advice for this critical period of the year; and Le Follet will no doubt

Is read o'er nie, I'll trust afford employment and meditation for the fair, who have plenty of

Myself with comfort to the Metropolitime on their hands just now.

Tar, for I always find A dramatic star that has long shone steadily in the light of popular

There comes a pleasant wind, favour has just retired. PAUL BEDFORD has left the stage. I was

And in it locomotion's very jolly. present the other day when he made his first appearance in a new character (or, rather, an old one resumed) as a vocalist at the Hall by Why is a widow's costume like a field of turnips — Because it's the Sea. The veteran had a hearty reception, and deserved it, for he (s) wedes !

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