Town Talk.

BY THE SAUNTERER IN SOCIETY.

WAS a little doubtful of the good news from Abyssinia the other day when I wrote, but I didn't like to seem a croaker. However, it appears the report of the release of the captives is not confirmedbut rather the reverse. It's a bad job, for I don't think we shall get honour or credit by the expedi

tion.

THE Yankees are a wonderful people! Amid all their home difficulties and squabbles they can find time to make a difficulty with us about the Alabama and a hundred other similar matters. LORD STANLEY has conducted his correspondence with SEWARD admirably, and I trust he will carry his point, and bring matters to an amicable settlement. I am the more hopeful, because I think it likely that SEWARD is only working the oracle for his own purposes. No doubt his hectoring with England is a good move for electioneering purposes, and he may have a deep game in view of which few suspect him.

THE John T. Ford, attempting to follow the suit of the Red, White, and Blue, got wrecked the other day-and no one will be astonished to hear it. She was not built on lifeboat principles, and does not seem to have been well handled. It is to be hoped this will put a stop to such rash ventures. I should be glad to see another style of navigation knocked on the head-I mean the use of the so-called canoe. The owner of the Rob Roy has much to answer for. He has set a lot of imitative noodles running after a novelty, and until some serious accidents have happened the "fad" will be persisted in. It has none of the merits of rowing, and more than its dangers. It is neither skilful nor graceful work-put one of your canoe-men into the real Indian craft, with the single paddle, and see what he would do! I hope that boating men will set their faces against the novelty, and exclude it from regattas and races; and that it will be discouraged at Eton, our great rowing school.

THE French Exhibition, from all accounts, is likely to be a big failure; the Imperial Commission could not have managed matters much worse if it had been composed of COLES and DILKES. The unseemly row about the chairs was almost worthy of our commission. The number of visitors is falling off, the shows in the grounds don't pay, the theatre is closed by bankruptcy, and, altogether, the affair is in a poor way. It is likely to be the last of those big bazaars which went by the pretentious name of "International Exhibitions"-which were to aid peace and commerce, but which never hindered a war, and damaged as many tradesmen as they benefited. We know all about them over here, having held several, and the result is that, according to the papers, the show in the English departmant is very poor indeed -because the British tradesman did not care to go over and advertise on such exorbitant terms !

The Argosy this month is more than ordinarily good. "Lieutenant Foozy" is capital; so is "Grumpibus and the Cereus ;" and there are other good papers. The verse, too, is better than usual. The Sunday Magazine is strong in its illustrations, and the principal story keeps up its interest well. The rest is up to the accustomed standard of this periodical. Good Words is well illustrated this month, but though there's a new story begun by GEORGE MACDONALD, and a pleasant paper on "La Belle France" by JOHN HALIFAX, the thing for which the number will be best known is an article on "Our Discharged Convicts," from the able pen of DR. W. GILBERT. It contains some surprising revelations, which may be relied on, however, as they come from a writer who does not mix facts and sensation. I should recommend every one who takes an interest in social questions to get this month's Good Words. Routledge's Magazine for Boys keeps well up to the mark. The Gardener's Magazine contains much seasonable advice for this critical period of the year; and Le Follet will no doubt afford employment and meditation for the fair, who have plenty of time on their hands just now.

A dramatic star that has long shone steadily in the light of popular favour has just retired. PAUL BEDFORD has left the stage. I was present the other day when he made his first appearance in a new character (or, rather, an old one resumed) as a vocalist at the Hall by the Sea. The veteran had a hearty reception, and deserved it, for he

sang capitally in the good old style. He will, I suppose, have a benefit, which I trust will be a bumper; but let us hope that his long connexion with the Adelphi does not entail banishment to Maybury. FAIR play is a jewel! The opposition tubs managed, the other day, it being the dull season, to set off a paragraph about the Albert Victor, which was an absurd exaggeration. I was not on board, but one who was tells me she merely grated twice on the sort of foundation wall of the Boulogne pier. Any one who has seen CAPTAIN MARTIN take the boat-a long one, too-through the Pool will trust his seamanship anywhere. It is quite cheerful to see the way in which she overhauls the opposition boats, though they start half-an-hour before her. It is to be hoped, in the interest of the public, whose comfort is thoroughly attended to on board her, that the combination will not succeed in running her off.

THE theatres are opening, so that I suppose town is filling. It has not been so empty, by the way, that it could not fill the Strand so well as to induce MR. and Mrs. HOWARD PAUL to continue their entertainment for another week or so.

Of science, only trash

Sensational, to make folks buy that journal.

Do we, whene'er we pass,

Breathe deleterious gas,

That hurts the wind-pipe at the Gower-street station?
And in the tunnels drear
Is fearful fire-damp near,

To whelm us in a general conflagration ?

True, an old lady died.

With pains in chest and side,

From trav'lling where the sempiternal night is;
But you may safely swear,
She would have died elsewhere,

For why? She had a very bad bronchitis.
Though LANKESTER still prates,
And says the line he hates,
A coroner who talks too much at randem;
Yet thousands love that way
Of travelling: you can say

De gustibus, sir, non est disputandum.

Though sulphur hangs about, Not pleasant there, no doubt, It isn't in a quantity alarming.

And yellow gas you burn,
Gives dim light that will turn
An ancient lady to a maiden charming.
That writer I opine,

Who raved about the line,
And talked of choke-damp and of poisonous gases;
Of chemistry knew nought
As certainly he ought;
We'll leave him in the catalogue of asses.

We'll throng the station door,
Although the CH,

Be round about us as that scribe supposes;
Serene, unmoved are we
Although some CO,

May tickle his most sensitive of noses.

Therefore be of good cheer,
FENTON, through all the year,
High dividends shall glad thy sage directors,
In spite of foolish men,
Who wield a feeble pen,
Mayhaps of rival lines the wild projectors.
Still until "Dust to dust"
Is read o'er me, I'll trust

Myself with comfort to the Metropoli-
Tar, for I always find
There comès a pleasant wind,
And in it locomotion's very jolly.

WHY is a widow's costume like a field of turnips ?-Because it's (s) wedes!

SPORTING INTELLIGENCE.

A VOICE FROM NICHOLAS at Sea.

A BOTTLE has been forwarded to our office. The bottle is not precisely empty, inasmuch as it contains what purports to be a communication from our eccentric contributor, NICHOLAS. In every other respect, however, it is as empty as a bottle could possibly be. The label on it bears the legend "Sherry Wine." We hasten to lay this remarkable document before our readers.

THE ATLANTIC OCEAN, IN THE MIDST OF THE
EQUALNOXIOUS GALES.

MY DEAR YOUNG FRIEND,-If, by any possibility, this bottle should meet the eye of MR. FRANK BUCKLAND, than whom a more vivacious man of science, nor yet a more truly rural ostreacultural ostreaculturalist, though a little gay-and when I say "meet his eye," NICHOLAS do not suppose as he will be out bathing and diving, and that this peculiar medium of postal communication will bob right up against his optic just as he emerges for to have a sort of a blow-and when I 66 say a sort of a blow," the Old Man does not mean as the bottle should hit him, but more after the manner of a whale,-MR. B. will, perhaps, be so good enough for to send it to the Office of FUN, and which he knows where it is.

The Prophet, Sir, had been wallowing in the lapses of luxury to such an extent that he had pretty well nigh forgotten the necessity of predicting the winner of the St. Leger. This morning, for instance, there was me and REGINALD DE COURCY and little SPIFFINS set out from Ventnor for a day's sea-fishing. SPIFFINS-which his father made his money in retail trade, and accordingly SPIFF. calls every man a "cad" which is hard-up, as I may have been myself, Sir-was only too proud, nevertheless, for to come out along of a territorial swell like REGINALD, and a literary celebrity like me; and so, for to amuse him, we let him pay the expenses, and likewise bring worms for bait.

LOG.

10.30 a.m.-Wind, Sou'ard-by-West-Westerly. Chorus, Far, far upon the sea. Sentiment, The Memory of the late LORD NELSON. Toast, Here's the Wind that blows, and the Ship that goes, and the Lass that loves a sailor! Pushed off. Set sail.

10.35.-Made an observation. Reading of it taken by REGINALD, as follows:-"SPIFF., hand over a corkscrew, and look after the worms, will you?"

11.3.-The stormy winds did blow, did blow, and the stormy winds do blow! SPIFF. engaged in fixing the bait on the lines. REGINALD and me was a-smoking, so for to speak.

11.10.-Opened a bottle of sherry wine. Told SPIFF. as he might have some, if so be as he insisted upon it, but which he had much better attend to the worms. Memorandum.-SPIFF. ain't much of a good sailor, when all's said and done.

11.30.-Began for to fish. Me and REGINALD took it easy, so for to speak, and let little SPIFF. attend to the lines. What beautiful lines, for instance, were those made by DR. WATTS: "How doth the busy little SPIFF. Improve each shining minute! He goes a-fishing in a skiff, Ri fol de rol de rol!" SPIFF. ain't much of a good sailor, though.

11.35. Say what they will, the rolling motion of a small sailingboat is much more adapted for a stupid young fool like SPIFF., or for a robust member of the territorirorial aristocracy like REGINALD, than what it is for a man of literary genius, meaning me. They were very good to me, both of 'em; and which I am afraid as it was partly my own fault, the Prophet having imprudently said as he was fond of a short chopping sea, like what there is around me at the present moment-oh LORD, oh LORD!

11.40. They say it does you good, though.

11.45.-It may be doing me good. I dare say as it is. I will humbly endeavour for to believe so. But I wish as it would not do me

good in this here particular way.

12.0 Noon, at Meridium.-There are worse fellows in the world than little SPIFF., likewise than REGINALD. They have put things over me; and they have likewise put things into me, so for to speak. Cognac. Sherry-wine. Bottled Beer. Sherry-wine. Bottled Beer. Cognac. Old Man 'll have a sleep.

POST MERIDIUM.

If, by any possibility, this bottle should meet the eye of MR. FRANK BUCKLAND--and which perhaps I may as well clean it out first of all, by partaking of the sherry-wine which it contains-let him tell the Editor as I was constant to my duties up to the very last. I am miserably, hopelessly, and desperately ill. I do not think as I shall ever live for to get ashore. I am certain that, if I should, no earthly power will ever again induce me for to venture on the watery deep. But, if even this Prophecy should prove my last, I will tell my dear young Friend and the general public, of whom I don't think much, that the following is the

We take it whenever we happen to get it
From savings, and sometimes we live to regret it;
For often we find that it goes like a shot-it
We took so serenely, with that which begot it.
4.

On "Tamise ripe" as erst old LELAND said,
They glide in this past many an osier bed.
5.

Her lover used her in a shabby way,

She must have been, I think, an aggravater:
And she forgave him in the end; we may,
I think, declare she had a noble "natur."
6.

These of strawberries in summer-time,
Asked the poet. But a yule-log splinter,
"Good ghost stories, and a classic rhyme,"
He demanded for the nights of winter.

CORRECT SOLUTIONS OF ACROSTIC No. 26, RECEIVED SEPT. 12TH :-Copper-Coloured Billy; Alick and Vic.; Pat and Pop; O. K., Brighton; Philofun; two Clapham Contortionists; Peri; Constance; Cairnton; Froggy; Deeside; Triumvirate; Two Boiled Owls; Nanny's Pet; Merry Andrew; Pat; Gyp; Breakside and Hamish; Little A to Bouncing B; H. L. J.; Dio dell'or; Sir B. Chickenbone; Mashed Turnips; Annie G. J.; Xarifa; Gill-sucker; Bow Wow; Timber; Varney the V.; Tiny Ditton; Harrow Weald; The Sixty-Eighth; Bondellis B. B.; Bryn Sype.

Not Quite Plain.

A CONTEMPORARY states, somewhat curtly, that "it is intended by the Halifax Corporation to apply to Parliament next session for increased water powers." This statement is a little obscure in meaning. Is Halifax desirous of obtaining an increased representation, or does it think the House of Commons the right place to go to for pumps?

"AFTER YOU, SIR!"

A VERY FREE VERSION OF MR. STOREY'S PICTURE.