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Achievement ..

The Hermit ..........

Julius ................ A BOTTLE has been forwarded to our office. The bottle is not pre

..................... 3 cisely empty, inasmuch as it contains what purports to be a communi. I solemnly commit this bottle to the deep. Time will show whether cation from our eccentric contributor, NICHOLAS. In every other the Vision which came to me whilst Slumbering on the Ocean was, or respcet, however, it is as empty as a bottle could possibly be. The was not, Fallacious.

NICHOLAS. label on it bears the legend “Sherry Wine.” We hasten to lay this remarkable document before our readers.


No. 28.
MY DEAR YOUNG FRIEND, If, by any possibility, this bottle should REPORTS in the papers speak terrible truth,
meet the eye of MR. FRANK BUCKLAND, than whom a more vivacious

And unwilling informers stand up without ruth, man of science, nor yet a more truly rural ostreacultural ostreacul

To tell of such deeds as should make every cheek turalist, though a little gay-and when I say “meet his eye," Hot with shame, when we think that one language we speak, NICHOLAS do not suppose as he will be out bathing and diving, and With the men who came forward in these Christian times that this peculiar medium of postal communication will bob right up To glory in outrage and murderous crimes. against his optic just as he emerges for to have a sort of a blow-and when I say " a sort of a blow," the Old Man does not mean as the bottle should hit him, but more after the manner of a whale,-MR. B.

Her bonnet strings she tied beneath a chin will, perbaps, be so good enough for to send it to the Office of Fun, and which he knows where it is.

So soft, that when a tress was twined therein :

I would not for the world the chance have miss'd The Prophet, Sir, had been wallowing in the lapses of luxury to such an extent that he had pretty well nigh forgotten the necessity of

She gave me when my hand released the twist. predicting the winner of the St. Leger. This morning, for instance, there was me and REGINALD DE COURCY and little SPIPFINS set out

A letter Plato and those swells of old from Ventnor for a day's sea-fishing. Spiffing, which his father

Used when of Greek philosophy they told. made his money in retail trade, and accordingly SPIFF. calls every man a "cad” which is hard-up, as I may have been myself, Sir-was only too proud, nevertheless, for to come out along of a territorial

We take it whenever we happen to get it swell like REGINALD, and a literary celebrity like me; and so, for to

From savings, and sometimes we live to regret it; amuse him, we let him pay the expenses, and likewise bring worms for

For often we find that it goes like a shot-it bait.

We took so serenely, with that which begot it.

10.30 a.m.-Wind, Sou'ard-by-West-Westerly. Chorus, Far, far
upon the sea. Sentiment, The Memory of the late LORD Nelson.

On “Tamise ripe" as erst old LBLAND said, Toast, Here's the Wind that blowe, and the Ship that goes, and the

They glide in this past many an osier bed. Lass that loves a sailor! Pushed off. Set sail.

5. 10.35.-Made an observation. Reading of it taken by REGINALD, as

Her lover used her in a shabby way, follows:-"SPIFF., hand over a corkscrew, and look after the worms,

She must have been, I think, an aggravater : will you ?”

And she forgave him in the end ; we may, 11.3.—The stormy winds did blow, did blow, and the stormy winds

I think, declare she had a noble “natur." do blow! Spiff. engaged in fixing the bait on the lines. REGINALD and me was a-smoking, so for to speak.

6. 11.10.-Opened a bottle of sherry wine. Told SPIFF. as he might

These of strawberries in summer-time, have some, if so be as he insisted upon it, but which he had much

Asked the poet. But a yule-log splinter, better attend to the worms. Memorandum.--SPIFF. ain't much of a

Good ghost stories, and a classic rhyme,' good sailor, when all's said and done.

He demanded for the nights of winter. 11.30.-Began for to fish. Me and REGINALD took it easy, so for to speak, and let little Spipp. attend to the lines. What beautiful lines, for instance, were those made by DR. WATTS: “How doth the busy

It rested 'neath my feet, it braved the tide, little Spiff. Improve each shining minute! He goes a-fishing in a

And very properly got plump and wide, skiff, Ri fol do rol de rol!” Sriff. ain't much of a good sailor,

And then, ah! hapless fate, it calmly died. though,

11.35.-Say what they will, the rolling motion of a small sailingboat is much more adapted for a stupid young fool like SPIFF., or for a

WILLIAM, of Deloraine, good at need, robust member of the territorirorial aristocracy like REGINALD, than

Rode over this on his trusty steed; what it is for a man of literary genius, meaning me. They were very

Well they rode in those days of old, good to me, both of 'em; and which I am afraid as it was partly my

Often on this in death they rolled. own fault, the Prophet having imprudently said as he was fond of a short chopping sea, like what there is around me at the present

ANSWER TO ACROSTIC No. 26. moment-oh LORD, oh LORD!

+ Hilt 11.40.—They say it does you good, though.

0 Othello 11.45.-It may be doing me good. I dare say as it is. I will

L Landau humbly endeavour for to believe so. But I wish as it would not do me

I Idler good in this here particular way.

D Donizetti 12.0 Noon, at Meridium. There are worse fellows in the world than

A Alas little Spirr., likewise tban REGINALD. They have put things over me; and they have likewise put things into me, so for to speak. Cognac. Sherry-wine. Bottled Beer. Sherry-wine. Bottled Beer.


Billy: Alick and Vic.; Pat and Pop; O. K., Brighton; Philofun; iwo Clapham Cognac. Old Man 'll have a sleep.

Contortionists : Peri; Constance; Cairnton; Froggy; Deeside; Triumvirate : Two Post MERIDIUM.

Boiled Owls : Nanny's Pet; Merry Andrew; Pat; Gyp; Breakside and Hamish :

Little A to Bouncing B; H. L. J.; Dio dell'or; Sir B. Chickenbone : Mashed If, by any possibility, this bottle should meet the eye of MR. FRANK

Turnips : Annie G. J.; Xarifa; Gill-sucker; Bow Wow; Timber; Varney the V.: BUCKLAND-and which perhaps I may as well clean it out first of all, | Tiny Ditton ; Harrow Weald; The Sixty-Eighth ; Bondellis B. B.; Bryn Sype. by partaking of the sherry-wine which it contains—let him tell the Editor as I was constant to my duties up to the very last. I am miserably, hopelessly, and desperately ill. I do not think as I shall

Not Quite Plain. ever live for to get ashore. I am certain that, if I should, no earthly A CONTEMPORARY states, somewhat curtly, that “it is intended by power will ever again induce me for to venture on the watery deep. | the Halifax Corporation to apply to Parliament next session for inBut, if even this Prophecy should prove my last, I will tell my dear creased water powers." This statement is a little obscure in meaning. young Friend and the general public, of whom I don't think much, Is Halifax desirous of obtaining an increased representation, or does that the following is the

| it think the House of Commons the right place to go to for pumps ?



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I want an hour of PEGABUS to-day

To trot me through a short and sweet epistlo;
APOLLO, bring a lyre and put away

My penny whistle.
I ride about the slowest back in town

(Perhaps a little slower than its rider)—
My share of Helicon would hardly drown

A thirsty spider.
The fount is dry, and Pegasus is out ;

Perchance young ALGERNON—the far from proper-
Has borrowed him; and ALGERNON no doubt

Will come a “cropper."

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A beggar put on horseback, people say,

Will gallop off to regions not the upper ;
I trust they've not lent Pegasus to-day

BROWNING may take him if he wants a run,

Because he knows the pace to ride to glory at;
I'd scarcely trust another bard-save one,
And that's the Laureate.
Why is the Laureate idle

When Pegasus waits at his door,
Ready with saddle and bridle

Either for mountain or moor?
Let him, for love or for glory,

(What has a poet to do ?)
Give us a song or a story,

Give us an idyll or two.
Singers enough we have that sing,
And players that play on a single string;
Society-bards to chant the loves
Of handsome fribbles in white kid gloves ;

“Here they Speak the English.” No wonder that the present generation is grossly ignorant of English grammar. A book is announced as “The Joys and Sorrows of a Schoolmaster; by One of Themselves." One of the joys, or one of the sorrows, we wonder? Of course the blunderer meant, "by a schoolmaster”-very much abroad !

Nation and Natation. The Swedish fleet has been cruising off the coast of Finland, and some of its officers have been fêted at Helsingfors. COUNT VALLEN, the Governor of the province, made a long speech about the prosperity of the country. He might have epitomized it with advantage. It would have been enough to say that the Fins get on swimmingly.


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don't on no account ’ave no bleedin'; stick to ippicacuapner, as will

do wonders," and off I goes; and as I was a-goin' down the steps a It was the week afore we was goin' to move as Mrs. PADWICK's stout party were a-standin' at the airy gate next door, as looked like daughter came over to see me, a-luggin' of that infant of 'ern thro' the cook. She says to a female as were down in the airy, “She looks the brilin' sun as is enough to make both mother and child ill I should like one as don't fancy a pig-tub," and bust out a-larfin'. say, and glad tho' I was to see 'er were sorry to find things 'adn't I says to 'er, “If you are illudin' to me, I do not like pig-tubs, and gone well with 'er since marrying that greengrocer, as I never did you must be a dirty drab to keep one, and more fools them as lets you fancy the match myself through 'im being a widower, and the prices arbour yonr filth under their noses.” as he'd charge for things was downright ħidjous, leastways to them as

She says, “ You're a good judge of filth, I should say." dealt with 'im for credit, as was only a bit of a place down the Mews,

“ Yes," I says, “ you're right; I can spot it in a instant. I know'd with keeping a wan for goods removed, as 'is were. Parties as wants

you the moment I set eyes on you." She says, “I'll use the mop to credit does wrong, in my opinion, in dealin' at them third-rate places,

you if you don't go on." as always charges enormous and never supplies you with anythink but I says, “Dare to, that's all.” She opens the airy gate, and gives a what's inferior. No, if you are goin' to get into debt, as you are shove at me with the mop, a-makin' believe, but I walks up to the quite sure you can pay them, run tick at a first-rate shop.

front door and I give a peal at the bell as woke 'em up. Out come a Well, as I were &-sayin', 'LIZA, as is MRS. PADWICK's daughter's | man servant in one of them striped jackets as were waitin' at break. name, she told me as they'd been sold up thro' MARTINS—as is 'er fast, and says, “ What does this mean?" 'usband-puttin' 'is name to a bill.

A old gent, with a face as red as a turkey cock and a white 'ead, I says, “ You don't mean to say as they've took the bed from under

come to the parlor winder and says, “What the devil do you mean by you?' 'She says, “They 'ave."

ringin' the bell like that?" I says, “Wherever are you livin'?” “Oh,” she says, “I've got a

I says, “Your cook, as is in liquor I should say, is insultin' parties house to take care on close to Portman-square thro' the family bein' I' with 'er mop.” He says, “I'll send for a perliceman.” away.”

l I says, “I would if I was you, and I'd send 'er off pig-tub and She says, “ We was stoppin' for a bit with mother, but she's got 'er all, as is a reg'lar nuisance to the neighbourhood." 'ouse fut now; besides, MARTINS made 'igself werry disagreeable

I do think as that old feller was werry nigh droppin' with rage; he many ways, partick'ler with 'is pipe, as led to words; so, 'earin' about couldn't get 'is words out, as were, p'raps, owin' to 'is 'avin' 'is mouth this 'ouse to take care on, I went arter it and got it, as will give us a 1 full of 'is breakfast. He says. “WILKINS, go for the police.” ponse till November, and by that time MARTINS will 'ave got somethin' I was a-turnin' to go away, and he 'ollers out, “Detain that fieldto do.”

male," to a man as were passin' by, as only says to 'im, “Detain 'er “Well,” I says, “I'opes he may," but 'ad my own opinion about

yourself.” 'im, as is too fond of the public 'ouse for me, and talks about bettin' The policeman come back with the servant, and as soon as he 'eard and sporting' a deal too free for only a greengrocer; as is werry well

my story, he says to the old gentleman, as 'ad come to the door, “Do for them as ’ave mony to throw away.

you mean to give this party in charge P." The old gentleman he says Poor 'Liza were werry thankful for some old things as I looked up nothink, so I only says, “ Let 'im dare and he'll rue it;” and so I for 'er, for really I see as she 'adn't'ardly a second thing to stand up

says, “ Good day,” and off I walks. right in, as did used to be dressed up to the nines, as the sayin' is; But sich a lark it turned out about that pig-tub, for if that cook and when she went away I see 'er into a 'bus, and she promised to let

wasn't a reg'lar thief, and the old man in the donkey-cart a receiver, me koow when she got 'ome, as 'ad 'er 'ands full, what with the babby and the things as she cleared out of that 'ouse was wonderful, for it and the bundle.

come to a trial, and that cook got two years and the donkey-cart I didn't 'ear of 'er for more than three weeks, and then got a note to eighteen months, and 'Liza told me it was all found out through me say as 'er child were a-dyin', and off I sets at once for to go and | a-callin' that old feller's attention to that pig-tub, as was a reg'lar see 'er.

deep-laid plant as that cook thought would be kep' in ambush down in It was a werry nice 'ouse as she were a-takin' care off, with the that airy and no suspicions, but 'ow any one could set in the front 'ousekeeper's rooms and the kitchen, and a bedroom the top of the 'ouse | parler and bear it I can't think, as the dustholes is bad enough as you to live in.

can't keep the lobster shells out on, nor yet other refuse, and the conShe was that pleased to see me, and said as the child 'ad 'ad two

sequences is bluebottles as big as donkeys and a stiflin' smell; but attacks of croup as 'ad worry nigh been its last.

where to put 'em is the puzzle, for them dustmen is as proud as dukes, I says, “ I've seen many a child look wuss than that as 'ave lived

and won't look at your dusthole under twopence, as is their duty to thro' it and grow'd to manhood.” I says, “It's the food as is killin'

remove reg'lar; but law, they do as they please all over the worldthat child.” “Oh," she says, “I gives it baked flour, like the Royal leastwise I can speak for South Lambeth and the West End. family.”

I says, “ Bother the Royal family; what suits their stomicks mayn't snit your child. Take my advice, and stick to tops and bottoms." "Oh," she says, “she can't keep 'em on her stomach."

THE SEA-SIDE. Iays, “I dare say not, jest done like poultice and forced down her

How sweet-how ineffably jolly, ah me, throat." I says, “I'll show you 'ow to do 'em," and so I did, and the

To be taking a holiday down by the sea !! child seemed to thrive from that wery 'our.

To chase--and to fly when in turn it pursues I was able to stop with 'er a bit, as we was jest settled, and BROWN

The wave that is lavish in filling your shoes; was gone to Brummagem for a few days, so I slep' at MRS. PADWICK'S,

To scribble your name in a bold running hand, and was with poor 'Liza a good deal, and made 'er and 'er mother

Or write, “My Amelia," at large on the sand. friends, as 'ad got quarrelin' abont MARTINS. As I says to Mrs. PAD,

To.chivy the crab from his bladder-weed haunts, WICK, “Ain't it right as she should stick to 'er 'usband?" so they was

And mock at his gait with unscrupulous taunts all right, but MRS. PADWICK would not speak to MARTINS all the same

To hunt up the sand-worm's select Agapemonethro' not forgivin' of 'im a-speakin' of 'er as a toothless old mummy,

Or feed with cigar-lights a hungry anemone. as is not respectful I must allow.

The limpet to catch when he's not on his guard, 'Liza and me did used to sit werry often at the parlor winder of a

And send with a tap flying-full half a yard. evenin', as the air seemed to do that child good, but there come a most

The mild periwinkle to plague for his sins, | unpleasant smell as were quite sickenin'. 'LizA says, “I can't make

And murder his peace with suggestions of pins. out what it is."

To try--ah, how vainly-to capture the shrimp, I says, “Can't you ? then I can.” I says, “It's a pig-tub as is

Or the dim, ghostlike prawn, who's as smart as an impkep' so mewhere abouts.” “Oh," she says, “nobody wouldn't keep such

Or to chase on the sands little jumpers so hoppya beast ly thing as a pig-tub in respectable 'ouses like these."

Oh, isn't it better than grinding at copy ! I says, “ You never can tell what games some cooks is up to.”

It so 'appened as the werry next mornin' I come round to 'Liza about eight, thro' being a lovely mornin', and 'er mother wantin' to

Changes. send 'er some new-laid eggs as 'ad come from the country in a basket, when what should I see a-standin' at the werry next door but a donkey A GREAT Promotion has fallen on the turnip. A little while since its cart with a old man and a dog, as 'ad come to fetch away the pig-wash destiny was to furnish lantern-heads for ghosts. Now it is to supplant as were kep' down in a cellar in that front airy, as stunk the werry the pineapple. Some ingenious Parisian confectioner has devised a place out. It quite turned my stomick and made me turn agin', and syrup which changes the ordinary turnip into a pine! What next? 1 says to 'Liza, as come to the door, “It's enough to breed a fever," We shall have apples turned into apricots and potatoes into plums. and glad I was to get indoors.

This comes of the democratic tendencies of the age! If we can mak e stopped for a bit with 'LIZA as I wore a-going 'ome that arternoon, | baronets out of WENTWORTH DILkes and C.B.'s out of COLES, why not 101 says to 'er, “Now mind that child of yourn, if croups set in, pineapples out of turnips ?

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