Page images
PDF
EPUB

DOUBLE ACROSTIC.

No. 50. My first meets my second with trembling and dread, For deeds will be criticized, hard words be said, And a leader will try with a smile on his face, To soften opponents and stick to his place.

[graphic]

1.
Often we know it accompanies tea,
Haply they prattle of you and of me.

2.
Serene upon the castle wall

She stood a winsome bride,
She watched his crest among them all,
And by an arrow died.

3.
In the forest's most umbrageous ways,

There it lay for many nights and days,
• All men shunned it, till one bolder grew,
Took a stick and cut it clean in two.

4.
We greet it thankfully, of any size,
For oh ! how scrumptious is it, put in pies.

6. My French has of late years como sadly to grief, But this word would come in for roast horse or roast beef.

6.
Och ! darlin', let's hope she's potatoes galore,
And strong shoes and stockings, and lovers a score ;
And, since a girl ne'er had a prettier name,
I hope ne'er a lover has Fenian fame.

7.
MR. BOUNCEB we know,
When we read long ago,
“Verdant Green,” had a name
For an elderly dame.

8.
Bring oil, let the vinegar mix and combine
With the onion flavour so dearly divine
Nor let this be wanting to give to the whole
The colour and form of the mass in the bowl.

9.
He caught just the glimpse of a curl,
And thought her a beautiful girl ;
Alas, ere the very next morn,
She was hidden away with hair shorn.

10.
Immortal NICHOLAS was once, he said,
Called this; the old man's good and gifted head
Was raised so high above an envious world,
That gibes and sneers at his great mind were hurl'd.

A FACT. Fussy and disagreeable old lady (coughing) :-“ OwH00! Ow! Wow! OH DBAR! I'M SURE YOU CAN'T BE IGNORANT, SIR, THAT SMOKING IS PROHIBITED. I XUST INSIST ON YOUR PUTTING OUT THAT CIGAR !"

Fellow-traveller (coolly) :—"MY DEAR MADAM, THERE IS NOT THE SLIGHTEST CAUSE FOR ANY DISCOMFORT. THIS 18 NOT A CIGAR—IT'S A TOOTHPICK !”

In Black and White. IN Aunt Judy's Magazine appear, from the pen of a negro boy aged ten, some short essays, which were sent from the Barbadoes to the Editor. In one of them we find it stated that the late Prince Consort

errected a Mossoleeum at Kenzington, London, for the grate MR. COAL, where you may Learn art and sighence, and Buy ginger Beer and bath Buns, which is a grate Blessing to the subjex of Her grashious Madjisty."

We trust no one will over again question the mental powers of the negro. This boy has described MR. COLE and his mission, "art, sighence, ginger Beer, and bath Buns," with an epigrammatic vigour that is quite surprising. It must be flattering to the autocrat of the Boilers to think that he is spoken of as “grate COAL" in the Barbadoes even, where, owing to the climate, fires and fuel are almost unknown.

[merged small][ocr errors]

Lowering his Jib. THB humorist who described the horse banquet for the benefit of the readers of the Times, stated that the guests went through the bill of fare conscientiously, and that “there was very little gibbing.” We presume he intended to say "jibbing," in facetious reference to a refractory quadruped; bụt a donkey even would know how to spell the word one would fancy. Perhaps he thought “gibbing" was more taking.

A MARRIAGE FOR MONEY.
A few rhymes to the ceremony which is-

Impiety;
First, society,
Then, satiety
Next, anxiety-

Insobriety,

Impropriety, Last the Divorce Court, which means Notoriety!

A Disrespectator. Tas Spectator on several occasions of late has done things which make peoplo suspect that Mrs. MALAPROP is a member of the staff, but perhaps the funniest thing which that witty journal has given us of late will be found in a paragraph relating to the Buckhurst Hill case. The Spectator says: “ Matilda Griggs, labourer's daughter, was stabbed by a lover to whom she had borne & child in thirteen places" etc. Shade of ADDISON, is the revered title of Spectator to be allowed to a paper where such vulgar blunders flourish

VOL. VI.

[graphic]

to the “Three S's"-Safety, Signals, and Civility. It has been Town Talk.

gravely objected that "Civility" does not begin with an S; but surely

that fact only makes the “Three S's" more like the “Three R's” BY THE SAUNTERER IN SOCIETY.

which no doubt MR. FENTON meant to parody. For the matter of that URING the last

there's only one R really in Reading, Writing, and Arithmetic."

I HAVE just made the acquaintance of the Labour Circular, and the week we have Association which publishes it--the " Labour Registration Institute." had fighting in Its object is to provide employers of labour with servants, and to find Cork, between

employment for workers. The list of patrons contains names which the police and

are never lent idly or without inquiry, and the whole scheme seems
the mob; lives carefully devised, and honestly carried out. In the present number of
have been lost, the Circular is an article on the Dorsetshire agricultural labourer,
and the peace- which gives a clear and fair statement of the position of one of the
fully - inclined most underpaid and worst looked-after class in all our rustic population.
have been
living in a state
of terror. I do

HEART HEART
not hesitate to
attribute the “Dr. H. R. Smith, of Louisville, claims to have

established the truth of the riot to the in a trace of the optic

nerve, but are also destitute of the sense of hearing.”theory that animals found in the Mammoth Caves of Kentucky are not only without fluence of American Paper. TRAIN.. He promised on his

In old Kentucky's Mammoth Caves, liberation from

All things that owe their birth and rearing jaill not to

To those recesses, dark as graves,

Are born without the sense of hearing.
preach sedition,
but I imagine

With such strange sounds one's ears are torn,

I sometimes think it had been lucky, no one ex

Had I within your shade been born, peeted him to

Oh, Mammoth Caverns of Kentucky! keep his word; and his "lectures," as he calls them, are eminently calculated to excite his hearers to riot. I should recommend his

When men on politica declaim, C70 prompt expulsion from the country. It may seem to be honouring his

And yet know caught at all about 'em, blatant balderdash too highly to notice it at all; but in the disturbed

And prose for hours in language tame, state of Irish feeling just now, ignorant and intemperate rant even is

Or, having strong opinions, shout 'em. dangerous, In a powder magazine, as much harm may be done by

When at all Governments on earth the unsavoury snuff of a farthing dip as by a veritable firebrand.

They rush in manner run-a-mucky, The American Magazines The Atlantic Monthly and Oun Young Folks

I wish

that you had given me birth, (MESARE. TRUBNER) are to hand, as they say in trade. In the former

Oh, Mammoth Caverns of Kentucky! DICKENS gives us a very brief instalment of "George Silverman,'

At concerts where the public's pets while his “Holiday Romance” is absent from the latter, owing to a

Sing CLARIBEL's unmeaning twaddle, delay in the illustrating department. But in both cases the numbers

Or where shrill schoolgirls shriek duets are strong enough. I don't quite agree with the sweeping condemna

In tones that pierce the thickest noddle, tion which the author of "Does it pay to smoke? Passes on the

Or when a solo on the horn kindly herb, but perhaps in America smoking,

not to say chewing, is

Some youth attempts, less skilled than plucky, carried to excess. “The Characteristics of Genius" is an interesting

I wish I had in you been born, paper. The children's magazine contains some capital matter-just

Oh, Mammoth Caverns of Kentucky!
the sort of thing for the young folks. It is to my mind the model of
what such a magazine should be.

And when my better-half begins
In the Times the other day there was a report of several deaths, pro- And makes the measure of my sins stoma

Her catalogue of wrongs domestic,
duced by the bad water in a cistern. The gentleman who wrote the
account mentioned that a pipe in the cistern communicated with the oth I love you well, my precious wife,

Acatalectic anapestic ; sewers, -as if it were an exceptional thing. Why, every cistern has a waste pipe that communicates with the sewers and brings up foul

But sometimes I do wish, my ducky, gases which combine with the water, and are not to be removed by

That I could say I first saw life

Sago filtration ! DR. LETHEBY, it is true, has lately declared that disease is

In Mammoth Caverns of Kentucky ! not produced by drinking bad water, but then, as I have read in a late

So many sounds one's hearing vex, number of the Queen a notice of Dr. LETHEBY'S “Cantor Lecture," I

Loud, long, lugubrious, deep, or shrilly, don't feel inclined to think him a great authority. On the other handed And with discordant noise perplex PROFESSOR FRANKLAND and other eminent men of science have pretty

One's brains, until they drive one silly, plainly proved the case against the water companies. PROFESSOR That oft I cry, “How blest is he, FRANKLAND reported the other day that in the districts whose supply

How far beyond his fellows lucky, is taken from the Thames the water was last month “ totally unfit for W Who boasts his natal spot to be domestic use." I can vouch for the truth of this myself, for I lives and The Mammoth Caverns of Kentucky!” under the benign sway of the Lambeth Waterworks and the fluid they have supplied me for some two months, and up to the present time, is root a sort of skyblue, only the cloudy liquid is more noxious than London

Tall Telegraphy: milk even. But even if one had good water supplied that would not At the risk of being accused of cynicism, we will candidly exposturemedy the gases from the waste-pipe. That evil must be met in other late with our clever contemporary, the Daily Telegraph, not on its ways, the best to my knowledge being "Bishop's Sanitary Valve," being "impulsive,"

but on the peculiar tone of its impulsiveness. A which is as simple as it is efficacious. A hollow ball rests on the top little mortified by the sneers of the worldlings, the artless moralist of of the waste pipe, connected by a rod with a valve. When the cistern Peterborough Court, “thanks goodness" that the quality " which is so full as to float this ball, the rod raises the valve and the water the cynics call gushing' is not dead yet, or MATILDA GRIGgs might rushes down--and no gas can escape.

have rotted in Chelmsford gaol.” Is it really cynical to protest against I have received the first number of the Illustrated Photographer, and the false sentiment of such exaggerated phraseology as this ? Rotting a capital first number it is, though the illustrations are Graphotype. in Chelmsford gaol, forsooth! How long would a prisoner have to They are the best specimens of the process I have seen, but they lie in a gaol ere he rot ? Chelmsford must have been sadly overlooked show very clearly its faults and failures. The literary portion, though by the inspectors of prisons if Miss Griggs, or any other captive intended for the photographer, will be found interesting enough for there, has been in danger of incurring a disease which is mostly conthe general public. Dumas père has just started a new paper in fined to sheep. It is the merest "rot” to rave and rant after the Paris, which he names D'Artagnan, after the hero of his most popular fashion sometimes affected by the Telegraph. novel. The Atlas has just taken a new lease of life, with a change of mon size and arrangement which is a decided improvement. Mr. Myles Fenton has been considerably chaffed for saying the

A PUN, BY OUR PARISIAN. other day that the servants of the Metropolitan Railway should attend The Huile of Life :-O-live oil. Det

[graphic]
[graphic][subsumed][ocr errors][subsumed][ocr errors]

THE ROMAN QUESTION.
Aspiring Amateur :-“ HERE, I say, Moses, I WANT A ROMAN DRESS TO PLAY BRUTUS IN!”
Matter-of-fact Costumier :-“ AHEM! Don't YOU THINK YOU'D BETTER HAVB A ROMAN NOBE AS WELL ? "

THE SONG OF ST. STEPHEN'S.

BY AN M.P.
Once more we've come up for the Session,

Our duties unable to shirk,
And politics prove a profession,

Involving a good deal of work. Our labour there's nobody pities,

And many a critic condemns, While we slave upon stupid

committees, In rooms by malodorous Thames. Last year all was turned topsy-turvy,

The Tory veer'd round to the Rad. The squires thought their treatment was scurvy,

And vowed we were gone to the bad. But Dizzy has told us strange stories

Since that, and in Edinburgh said It was just education the Tories

Had need of, to go where he led. Again will the voice of the Speaker,

Be heard 'mid the din of debate, When members once snubb'd have grown meeker

And vanish'd to dinner at eight.
And most men will follow their party,

Whatever that party may be,
With faith that's unreasoning and hearty-

The boast of a British M.P.
Our Dizzy will come with his figures,

And GLADSTONE with classical sneers;
And MILL who's such nuts upon niggers,

And BRIGHT 80 disdainful of peers.

Again will our OSBORNE be witty,

Our NEWDEGATE heavy and dry; And GOACHEN will come from the City,

And WALPOLE from piping his eye. And CRANBORNB will still be sarcastic,

And Latin come glibly from Lowe; Conservative views will be plastic,

And change in the face of the foe. Again THB O'DONOGHUB's chatter

Will tell of Hibernian wrongs; And the House, scarcely meaning to flatter,

Will call on its WHALLBY.for songs. Again will each partisan journal

Give all of us merited rubs, And still in a dribble diurnal

Will come all the chat the clubs. Again will the lobby be busy,

While White sits serene at the door ; Neath the reign of our Derby and Dizzy

The Session's upon us once more.

[ocr errors]

To be seen Through at a Glance. SAY what you will, we question if there is anything that will make a more lasting impression on woman's heart than a handsome Valentine -we saw one the other day that had positively made a hole in a sovereign.

SHAKESPBARE'S IDEA OF ECONOMY. A Tanner will last you some nine year !!.

Hamlet, Act iv. Scene 1.

[graphic][subsumed][ocr errors][merged small][merged small]

Mr. D******i to Mrs. Britannia :-"I PROMISE YOU, MA’AM, IF YOU WILL CONTINUE TO GIVE US YOUR CUSTOM, AND WILL ONLY GIVE YOUR ORDERS AND PAY IN CASH, WE WILL SUPPLY YOU WITH EVERYTHING YOU WANT ON AS LOW TERMS AS ANY OTHER PARTY, LEAGUE, CO-OPERATION SOCIETY, OR WHATEVER THEY MAY PLEASE TO CALL THEMSELVES.”

« PreviousContinue »