A POSER. Facetious Gent:-"I SAY, LANDLORD; WHY WOULD IT BE IMPOSSIBLE TO PUT THIS STOUT INTO A WHITE HAT, A BUFF VEST, AND A BLUE COAT WITH BRASS BUTTONS? GIVE IT UP? BECAUSE IT HAS NEITHER BODY NOR HEAD!" BONES.-Wasn't it? POMPEY.-Certainly not, Bones. BONES.-Den it is now. POMPEY.-Come, come, Bones; you will not refuse, I am sure, to give me your dogmatic and categorical opinion respecting the recent legislative measure for the extension of the franchise. BONES.-Won't I? Dem's de bery animals what I'm gwine to keep till somebody bids me too much for 'em. POMPEY.-Well, then, Bones; if you are determined on withholding your judgment respecting the recent legislative measure for the extension of the franchise, I hope you will favour me with your views with regard to the general aspect of the political horizon. BONES.-H'yah, yah, yah! De political rising? It's been put down. POMPEY.-Put down, Bones? BONES.-Yes; by SIR RICHARD MAYNE. POMPEY.-Put down by SIR RICHARD MAYNE, Bones? BONES.-Either him or de special constables, or de Home Secret'y, or de Horse Guards, or MR. BEALES, or LORD DERBY, or GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN, OF JOHN BRIGHT, or de LORD MAYOR, or de Common Council, or de Beadle of Westminster Abbey. POMPEY.-Bones, I'm afraid you don't know what you're talking RHYMES OF THE RED BOOK. A RHYME to the eye is a sound uttered dumbly, I lie on my back where the boughs over-arch banks, Old Witch who would give me a rhyme for CADOGAN; And lately I learn what increases the ills I endure from the discord the Red Book that fills, A DREADFUL CRUX. "AUGUSTUS, love, when you depart To work, and oysters, desk and playtime Your SOPHONISBA's sick at heart And weak and frightened all the daytime. You've talked of Fenian fire and spies, Plots, counterplots, and rowdy raving, Outside our door with these own eyes I saw three crosses on the paving." "Cease, pretty one, these wild alarms I can't be here all day to watch you, But now, love, rush into these arms, Your special constable will catch you, Your spouse his labour never shirks, And ready is to walk his beat up, The crosses! Oh! Some Board of Works Intends, I think, to take our street up." Pipe and Tabor. TENDER-HEARTED NELLIE's bosom is torn with the pangs of jealousy. Thinking of one very dear to her, far, far away in Abyssinia, she exclaims, with a flood of tears, "Suppose he were to fall in love with that horrid, odious, DEB-O-RA-H TABOR!" NELLIE's ideas of Abyssinia are evidently about as foggy as those of the public generally, from the War Office authorities, downwards. about. The subject of politics demands very serious attention, Bones, especially at the present time. We are on the eve, Bones, of a crisis which will need all the strength of the Government. Sagacity and Fenianism, Bones. Look at the Irish Question as a whole, Bones. Look firmness will be required, Bones, in a very high degree. Look at full measure, Bones, in his dealings with Parliament and the Ministry, at the rights and the wrongs of the working-man, Bones. Has he got on the question of Reform? Answer me, Bones, if you can. BONES.-H'yah, yah, yah! Whew! POMPEY.-That reply, Bones, is of a character to induce the belief you fail to understand my meaning. that BONES.-Quite possible! You see, my dear Pompey, your language is so utterly destitute of anything like logical arrangement that, I confess, there is some difficulty in following you from one sentence to another. No sooner have you said "Look at Fenianism"-which is not a pretty object, I will allow-than you ask me to look at something else "as a whole," though even a tenth part of it would require a deal of looking at, to see plainly and to note practically. Then, before I have quite begun to look at this gigantic and complicated business, "as a whole," you cry out again, "Oh, look there! See if there isn't a working-man just gone by with all his rights and wrongs in a basket!" isn't it very wrong that he should have any wrongs at all? Let us are his rights and which are his wrongs? Are his rights all right, and keep to one thing at a time, my confused, but in all other respects estimable, Pompey. When I rattle the symphonies to any of your charming songs, I don't interpolate solo passages for the bones from the works of BEETHOVEN, HANDEL, OFFENBACH, MOZART, FRED GODFREY, and DR. ARNE. Which POMPEY.-I'll meet thee at the lane, love, when the clock strikes nine. where else, a long way off, eb'ry night you're gwine dat way. BONES.-No, you don't. I've a bery particular engagement some Et omnes cantant. rinted by JUDD & GLASS, Phoenix Works, St. Andrew's Hill, Doctors' Commons, and Published (for the Proprietor) by THOMAS BAKER at 80, Fleet-utreet E.C.LONDON: February 22, 1868. 66 The German who wrote this drama has found a delightful hero in the FROM OUR STALL. The Prince of Wales's Theatre-MR. T. W. ROBERTSON's especial field of fame-adds another monosyllabic title to his list of successes. There is in Play one unpardonable fault, and that is an utter want of attractiveness in the characters. Not a soul in the story appears to us worth an atom of interest. The people are not pleasant enough to excite the least sympathy nor unpleasant enough to provoke a lively antipathy. There are millions of such people in the world, but it is not to these colourless natures that the dramatist should hold the mirror up. Even the lovers in Play are young folks that we cannot care about;-Frank Price is a brave youth but a spooney," and Rosy is a little darling but a goose. It is only as vehicles for the conveyance of quaint and crisp dialogue that the characters in this comedy entertain us: not what they do, but what they say, is interesting. In his talk the author is as brilliant and effective as ever; we could quote a dozen happy things that are entirely in the Robert-picturesque. MR. JORDAN has little to do beyond sporting his fine sonian vein and could scarcely have come from any other pen. An audience kept on the qui vive by the anticipation of these epigrams can readily forgive some little shortcomings in the story. Taken as a whole, we should place MR. ROBERTSON's latest production above Society but below Ours and Caste. The piece is admirably played. MR. BANCROFT, whose make-up is capital, shews us that he only wants good parts to be a good actor. MR. HARE has not much to do, but his finished manner and clear delivery make a deal of a little. MR. BLAKELEY has toned himself down considerably and is all the better for it: MR. H. J. MONTAGUE plays with spirit. The ladies are all that can be wished-MISS MARIE WILTON all grace and liveliness; MISS LYDIA FOOTE all sweetness and sentiment; MRS. LEIGH MURRAY all care and polish in a very ungrateful part. The scenery of MR. HAWES CRAVEN is highly effective. The play of Narcisse, produced at the Lyceum the other evening, has a "booky" flavour about it that is agreeable. Cultivated folks will take pleasure in seeing such persons as DIDEROT, D'HOLBACH, GRIMM, and MADAME D'EPINAY brought before them; though the conversation of that famous clique may turn out a little disappointing. MR. STIRLING COYNE's new comedy, The Woman of the World, is lively in itself and made more lively by MR. CHARLES MATHEWS, MRS. STIRLING, MISS LOUISA MOORE, and Miss E. FARREN. The other performers have little to do: MR. ASHLEY gave effect to a not very original character. Keep your Whip Still! THE public bite so charmingly at the gorge-us fly thrown out at the Langham Hotel Banquet, that we venture to suggest that the next re-union of hippophagists should be held at the Gnat Langham Hotel. 254 EDUCATION. AIR,-pitched in a Lowe key. THE famous "good time" seems a-coming at last, There's a talk of great things for the whole populationA boon for the million-a benefit vast: And that's Education--and that's Education! The popular mind will no longer be waste, 'Twill soon reap the fruit of this great innovation And WHALLEY learn reason, and all-concentration; The verdicts of juries will always be sense, And coroner's law will not need explanation, And Jews will not haggle for ha'pence and pence- Oh, the fools will feel wise! And the wise will feel fools! They will pull down the prisons for sites for the schools- Town Talk. BY THE SAUNTERER IN SOCIETY. FUN. HY is it that the Dud- have an exhibition of theirown in Conduitstreet, which should be supported by the mur winds dosex and especially home by those who can paint fairly. Most Did of the ladies who cut but a poor figure in Piccadilly would "stick fiery off inalodeed" at their own gallery. The authorities of the Dudley Gallery err from excessive gallantry, I have no doubt; but they lay themselves open to a charge of admitting inferior works to heighten the effect of their own pictures, and exclude those rivals. The exhibiDAYntion is a good one, however; the best since the first-it might, possibly, have equalled that famous display had a little more judgment been shown in excluding the weaker vessels. This may seem severe on a sex we all admire; but the truth is that, though the ladies can do almost anything, they cannot be firstrate artists without a sound art education; and that they have not had the chance of obtaining. In the next generation this will be rectified, for Female Schools of Art are becoming plentiful. I ought to add that I have not forgotten that in MISS EDWARDS and some other ladyartists we have brilliant exceptions, proving the rule that I have laid down. of I WONDER whether the new Parliament will do anything to amend the law of copyright. It wants reforming sadly. It is very capable of improvement, but it needs most of all to be made clear, definite, and final. At present it is a legal muddle, which not seldom assists the rogue instead of the honest man ;-a thing which vague legislation is prone to do, in the most topsy-turvy fashion. What is worse still, perhaps, is that interested people give their own views of the law, which are swallowed whole by those affected with the general ignorance of the statutes. My attention was attracted the other day to an article in Beeton's Journal, headed "Copyrights and Copywrongs "-that title being plagiarised, by the way, from the well-known series of letters on Copyright by THOMAS HOOD. In the article I find d-propos of contributions to the periodicals the following paragraph : None can reproduce these articles without the permission of the proprietor of the magazine, or of the proprietor of the article. If no arrangement to the contrary has been made, the right remains with the proprietor of the periodical, and he can reproduce them in what form he pleases. Can he? Unfortunately, the law is, that if no arrangement has been "You I FORGOT to mention, in noticing the revivification of the Atlas, the very able résumé of topics of the week, modestly headed "Notes," which is the best feature of the new paper. The writer of "Notes," however, should talk to his friend the author of the second leader of the issue for the 14th February. That gentleman having come down on a Pall Mall article for " errors in style" should have abstained from penning such a sentence as "The REV. C. SPURGEON or MR. MARTIN TUPPER might come out as our intellectual ANAKIN." The Rev. C. S. and MR. M. T. might come out as ANAKIM, but neither could-even though he were "two single gentlemen rolled into one -come out as the plural of a noun signifying a giant. "Or," in short, is a disjunctive, not a copulative, conjunction. THE election of Associates at the Royal Academy is satisfactory-and yet unsatisfactory. Every one is glad to see MR. THOMAS LANDEBER elected. He has done noble work with the graver in his time, and had he not devoted himself to the reproduction of his brother's pictures on steel might have done notable things on canvas himself. MR. LESLIE is an able painter, and the son of a distinguished father. And MR. ORCHARDSON is so good that it is strange that his election did not precede that of MR. PETTIE, a painter of the same school. Yetsomehow-one doesn't know why-there is a feeling that some names have been passed over which ought to be enrolled in the list of R.A.'s. It is always invidious to mention those who have not been elected, even though they are unfairly passed over, so I will not speak of certain painters whose pictures speak for them. But MR. POYNTER last year at the opening of the exhibition, when his " Israel in Egypt" appeared, was stated to have been made an Associate on the spot. It is a pity he was not the distinction would be best conferred thus, and he most decidedly deserved it. The Latest from the Press-room. We learn from the London, Provincial, and Colonial Press News that a new "guillotine" paper-cutting machine has been introduced. It is obtainable at a Printing-Material Manufactory, most appropriately chop. We observe it is advertised as suited for demies. A TEMPTING OFFER. TO THE EDITOR OF FUN. SIB,-Having a large stock of hilarions material on hand, chiefly in a raw state, and being disposed to part with the same at a figure considerably below the market quotations, I take the liberty of addressing you, as a possible purchaser. If you do not care to take the whole of my unmanufactured jocularity, or any portion, in parcels, at a very low price, I shall be exceedingly obliged by your informning me where I can get it made up, and on what terms. A great quantity of the stuff would, I think, be useful at the present time to any professional punster, as it relates to horseflesh. Among the jokes are some which are advanced a stage or two toward completion, They turn principally on the words, filly, tit, bit, course, hoof, saddle, curry, tail, trotter, manger, collar, hock, whip, chestnut, and carte. I particularly call your attention to a sample which I have marked o o, and which consists of Boiled Withers. This, as you may perhaps remember, was one of the dishes at the Langham Hotel banquet; and I am strongly of opinion that it contains in a very marked degree the elements of comicality. Boiled withers, you know. might be boiled to rags. When people boilbrags, for the purpose of olansing them, they wring the rags to get the water out. What can be more obvious than that a joke might hence be made by using Hamlet's expression (see the well-known dramatic piece, Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, Act iii, Scene 2) "Our withers are unwrung" Further than this, Sir, I have very little doubt that, by careful pressure of the same sample, additional fun might be extracted. The phrase "done to rags" will readily suggest "Tattersall," a name of world-wide celebrity in connection with that noble animal the horse. From "Tatters-all," by inversion, we get at the compound word “whole-some"; and thus we proceed to the question" Are these same withers, being done to tatters all, wholesome" This would perhaps lead up to a very good opening for the words" wither away." I have as much of this rough raaterial as might fill, when cut into shape and finished, an extra number of Fox, if you should think it worth while to give special and separate prominence to the subject of hippophagy. Perhaps you will kindly oblige me with your opinion of an idea for a burlesque scene, in which, after supper, on the night preceding the Battle of Bosworth Field, the tyrant and usurper, King Richard the Third, should start up with the cry, “Give me another horse." References to the popular plays of the Immortal Bard (I mean, of course, the Swan of Avon, Nature's Child) will materially assist the working-up of these jocular notions. "Jockey-lar," by the bye, occurs to me as a pun, never before printed. A physiological reason for the horse's not fattening, like other beasts of The Field, or of Land and Water, is, that he has no gall. Never mind whether he has or has not. It sounds quite scientific to say that he has no gall, and that by consequence there is very little adipose deposit im his tissues. By assuming that horses have no gall, we can ask facetiously how it is that the galled jade has been said to wince. Awaiting your reply, not to this concluding query, but to the general substance of my communication-I am, Sir, your obedient servant, G. O. DOBBIN. IMPROMPTU. [Written in a week or so, for a friend who was requested to find a rhyme for "hyacinth."] Ir with the substantive hyacinth A Remonstrance. THE Whitburn fishermen in consequence of an unfounded rumour that false lights were exhibited on their part of the coast, have declared they will not launch their lifeboat again until the charge is investigated. Now all that could be done to prove their innocence has been done, and it is unreasonable of them to say they will allow people to perish who have had nothing to do with a libel that has been practically disproved. FUN hopes therefore that they will think better of it, and not lose their wits, or allow us to lose our Whitburns, from the list of the gallant rescuers of life, published annually by the National Lifeboat Institution. The report of a false charge must not deafen them to the roar of "the minute gun at sea." Phil O'Logical. A STUDENT of Trinity, Dublin, who has been recently taking a tour in France, is engaged on a treatise intended to prove that the French provinces are colonies of Dublin. One of the proofs of their Irish WHERE should our Fishery Inspectors exercise the utmost vigilance? extraction is to be found, he alleges, in the fact that they call a brogue -In Leister-shire. & Pat-ois. On a certain Lord's Letter. A LIGHT THROWN BY CANNING'S SHADE. Ir clearly appears that the fault of the Whig, And whatever the veteran Earl may have meant, Letter he's sent "Nothing times nothing times nothing per cent!" Coat and Breeches. THE ingenuity which ROBINSON CRUSOE displayed in clothing himself has been outstripped by the reporter who supplied the account of CAPTAIN VIVIAN's speech which appeared in the Western Morning News the other day. CRUSOE made his coats from goats, but the reporter uses boats, and as for his continuations, there seems to be a-bridge-ment. We quote the paragraph:-wwd "Mr. Gladstone, with a frankness and courage which is all praiseworthy, avowed at the beginning of the session that he would stand or fall by his bill; that he had burned his coats, destroyed his breeches, and did not mean to recross the river." We suppose our friend uses TAYLOR's system of shorthand. The Irish car-drivers have a reputation for wit. One of their jokes is, when they get two pretty girls on their cars, to offer the seat between them to eligible young gentlemen for-"ON'Y TUPPENCE, YER HONOUR; A SATE WORTH ANY MONEY!" Young O' Feargus, whose future father and mother-in-law are just behind him, thinks the ioke "confoundedly stupid." An Ex-train-eous Growth. Ir the Cork Examiner reports correctly, TRAIN in a "lecture"-to use the term by which he dignifies his uneducated rant-read some poetical epistle, "intended," says the Examiner, "to be satirical," which he had sent to FUN, but which, it alleges, had not been allowed to appear. It is hardly worth our while to notice the nonsense of a man who is scarcely a responsible being, but we may say that we have received no such epistle. That we should have printed it if we had received it, is, we own, improbable, for the poor fellow's versification, like his grammar, is scarcely up to the mark. To judge from this flight of imagination, TRAIN when he is tired of lecturing, might make his début on the stage in the character of Jack Wilding in The Liar. True, with all his faults of exaggeration Jack Wilding is a gentleman. Still, if we may believe the Cork Weekly Herald, TRAIN has "considerable mimetic powers." WHAT SHAPE SHOULD A TEA-BOARD BE ?-A Tea-tray-hedron. Literary Note. THE fact that TENNYSON is about to issue a "standard" edition of his works is not to be taken as a proof that the sale of previous editions is "flagging." His popularity is greater than ever, and it is quite time he should set up his own standard when so many small versifiers have copied what the late CHARLES KEAN would have called his "banner." Good News for Light Blue. EVERY admirer of pluck and perseverance must have read with pleasure that Cambridge, nothing daunted, will again meet Oxford in that wonderful exhibition of skill and endurance, "The University Boat Race." For some years past, hard lines, rough weather, and rude buffeting have fallen to the Cantab's frail boat-but we all know that after a Storm comes a Cam, and look forward to the eventful day prepared to see the nose of her boat just in front at the finish.. |