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On a certain Lord's Letter.
It clearly appears that the fault of the Whig,
Is doing too little, and talking too big;
And whatever the veteran Earl may have meant,
There is nothing at all in the letter he's sent-

Letter be's sent

Letter he's sent-
“Nothing times nothing times nothing per cent !"

Coat and Breeches. Thx ingenuity which ROBINSON CRUSOB displayed in clothing himself has been outstripped by the reporter who supplied the account of CAPTAIN Vivian's speech which appeared in the Western Morning News the other day: CRUSOB made his coats from goats, but the reporter uses boats, and as for his continuations, there seems to be a-bridge-ment. We quote the paragraph :- *****

“Mr. Gladstone, with a frankness and courage which is all praiseworthy, avowed at the beginning of the session that he would stand or fall by his bill; that he bad burned his coats, destroyed his breeches, and did not mean to recross the river." We suppose our friend uges Taylor's system of shorthand.

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The Irish car-drivers hare a reputation for wit. One of their jokes is, when they get two pretty girls on their cars, to offer the seat between them to eligible young gentlemen for—"ON'Y TUPPENCE, YER HONOUR; A SATB WORTH ANY MONEY !" Young O' Feargus, whose future father and mother-in-law are just behind him, thinks the joku "confoundedly stupid.”

An Ex-train-eous Growth.

Literary Note. If the Cork Examiner reports correctly, Train in a “lecture"—to The fact that TENXY8ON is about to issue a “standard” edition of use the term by which he dignifies his uneducated rant-read some his works is not to be taken as a proof that the sale of previous editions poetical epistle, “intended,” says the Examiner, " to be satirical,” which is “flagging." His popularity is greater than ever, and it is quite time he had sent to Fun, but which, it alleges, had not been allowed to he should set up his own standard when so many small versifiers appear. It is hardly worth our while to notice the nonsense of a man have copied what the late CHARLES Kran would have called his who is scarcely a responsible being, but we may say that we have " banner.” received no such epistle. That we should have printed it if we had received it, is, we own, improbable, for the poor fellow's versification, like his grammar, is scarcely up to the mark. To judge from this

Good News for Light Blue. flight of imagination, Train when he is tired of lecturing, might make EVERY admirer of pluck and perseverance must have read with his déb&t on the stage in the character of Jack Wilding in The Liar. pleasure that Cambridge, nothing daunted, will again moet Oxford in Trne, with all his faults of exaggeration Jack Wilding is a gentleman. that wonderful exhibition of skill and endurance, “ The University Still, if we may believe the Cork Weekly Herald, Train has "con- Boat Race.” For some years past, hard lines, rough weather, and rudo siderable mimetic powers."

buffeting have fallen to the Cantab's frail boat, but we all know that

after a Storm comes a Cam, and look forward to the eventful day WHAT SHAPE SHOULD A TEA-BOARD BE ?-A Tea-tray-hedron. prepared to see the nose of her boat just in front at the finish.

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them airs, with a long curl down 'er back, and a pink dress gored to

the figger with wandy kes all round the bottom, and a bad foot with CHRISTMAS AND New YEAR.

fancy boots, a light blue, as don't go well with a bunion.

Whatever that old beast of a fellow FLINTORN meant by a-stoppin' at It's all werry fine to talk about a Merry Christmas, but law bless you l'ome all day, as wasn't

'is place, but kep' a-eatin' and swillin' away all the 'Merryking don't seem for to understand it except the Irish as ’ave the time, and not the money to pay 'is board, as ’ave lost three sitiva, been bred and born to it, for I'm sure MR8. SKIDMORE 'adn't no more tions thro' bein' turned out for fingerin' the till, as I'm sure 'ad idea of a plum puddin' than a child unborn, as the sayin' is, as I told thoughts of robbin' me, as found 'im myself in my room us he said 'er if not stirred proper would be as raw as beef in the middle as said he'd mistook the door, and always shall believe as he'd some 'and in it were only my English

prejudice, so in course I let per 'ave?er my new silk umbreller as were took out of the stand in the passage. way as proved a lump of dough in the middle of that puddin' accordin'

Well we was all ready before ten, and I must say everythink looked to my words, and then to turn on me and say it was only English

trash, that elegant

as we might 'ave all been goin' to be married. and fit for 'ogs as put my temper up and I says “not bein' a 'og cannot

I can't say as I thought much of the parties as come to call as I say but I'm sure 'ogs would turn up their noses at some of your says to MRS. SKIDNORE," If I was you I'd ’ave something laid down Merrykin dishes as is filth,” and for to see old MBAD as boards along over the carpets as them beastly dirty shoes will ruin." with Mrs. SKIDMORE eat 'is breakfast it's enough to turn your stomach I spoke to 'er on the quiet, while a party as 'ad come in were aas will eat tripe by the plateful with fried "taters and buttered toast swillin' away with that 'ere FLINTHORN in the baok room, as took of fried cakes as he eats a-swimmin' in treacle as they laps up like insultin Merrykin Citizens. and fried pork and beefsteak

and top up with platefuls upon platefuls and turned on me a-sayin' in is broken gibberish, as I weren't no lady gravy with their knives, and 'is lazy beast of a wife as is as fat as butter a-layin' in bed and eatin' twice as much as 'er 'usband with

So I says, " You little dirty Datch umbug, you-shet up your talk."

Well he was a little bit on and was a-bein' that insultin' when everything a-swimmin' in grease as must be bad for anyone as is bilious. MRS. SKIDMORB she says, “ Now if you can't keep your head shet, Certingly a fine bit of roastin' beef, tho' not cut proper, they give Mr. FLINTHORN, you'd

jest better elear out as aint wanted at ’ome." us on Christmas Day, and the mince meat werry good, but nothin' but Up comes Mrs. FunThorn a-sayin' if he went she'd

go too. cold water goes agin' me for drink, and then 'Merrykins a-jumpin' up with the dinner in their throats, and not a-settin' round the fire much, but p'raps you'll settle for your last week's board afore you goes.

Well,” says Mas. SKIDMORE, "if you was both to go, I shouldn't miss comfortable for a-bit of chat, as is a restless lot, and well they mayn't drink nothing with their meals for they goes a-drinkin' without end then in come Mxs. SKIDMORE's two brothers, as is in the public line,

That little Dutch feller he capered about the room for rage, and jest at them bars, and will come one that gone in liquor by six in the but calls theirselves a liquor storo, and I should say 'ad 'ad their evenin', as set up in their chairs they cannot, and bed is the best place whack, as the sayiag is. They asks what were the matter. I didn't for 'em, tho' not sich a wretch as that Ms. Miles as has the opposite say nothink, but Mrs. SKIDMORE she said as she didn't want no Dutch room to us, and comes 'ome a-reelin' the old year out and the new

mon a-stoppin' at 'one New Year's Day; and if them two brothers of year in, as the sayin' is, and turned 'is poor wife out of 'er bed on to 'ern didn't take and turn 'im out then and there. the landia' with the door locked a-shiverin' to death and 'im a swearin'

He screamed and clawed like a cat, but they 'ad 'im out, but he went as he'd 'ave 'er life, thro' delirous trimmings, tho' not a bad 'usband and sneaked in agin at the basement door, but never showed 'is face when sober, but whatever is diamond ear-rings when in your grave, no more, but went to 'is bed-room along with 'is wife, and jest in as she will be ; and then to be a-receivin', as they calls it, New Year's time, for I'm sure he was werry far gone in liquor, and she'd took too Day, as is downright rubbish all dressed out like ball-rooms, a-swimmin' much. in 'ot whiskey punch, with a low dress and short sleeves, with the We had a snack of dinner like off that there table, and the people butcher and the milk-man a-comin' in quite on the same footin', and a

as come in was dewouring locusts for appetites as rez'lar stuffed up turnin' the place into

a public ’ouse with their beastly muddy boots everythink, and kep a-drinkin' till two of them Jimmy Johns of all over the carpets, as I says to MRS. SKID.Xong, as were that grand, whiskey, as they calls 'em, was emptied in no time, with a wreath of roses round 'er 'ead, by nine in the mornin', as 'ad I don't think as ever I were more tired of wishin' 'Appy New Years, 'urried thro'

breakfast, and 'ad a table set out in the back parlour, with takin' a drop of somethink, and my 'ead was gettin' quite conwith cold 'am and pies and a turkey and chickens and cakes of all fused, when in come a party in the name of Macarthy, as begun sort, with jellies and sweets, and lots of wine and whiskey with lemons a-talkin' politics, as is a thing as I can't abear, partickler in them as for punch, and almonds and raisins. I never see sich a spread in my | 'ave been takin' a drop. life, except Miss WITTLES' weddin', and MR8. SKIDMORE she says to Well, he didn't get down oppersite me and keep on a-larfin', and me over night, “ You'll be dressed to morrer in good time, Yas. Brown, said I was a reglar old Britisher. I says, “ In course I am, as is my for to 'elp me receive ?"

nature to." “Well,” I says, “that depends on what you're a-goin' to receive, as

“Ain't you glad to be out of that busted up, rotten old I hopes may be what you're truly thankful for.”

place ?" I says, “What are you a-illudin' to ?” a-thinking, naturally, "Oh,” she says, “all my gentlemen friends will come and see me, and SKIDMORE he'll go round for to pay calls.”

as he were a-speakin' of my 'ome, as though not a new 'ouse, ain't

by no means rotten. Why," be says, “ that 'ere old England!” So I says, “Oh, indeed.”

“Oh!” I says, “ I'm a-goin' back as it's quite good enough for me." She says, “Won't your good gentleman go round along with SKIDMORE?" as I said I would mention to Brown, as reg’lar snapped my old blatheread.”

“Well," he says, “I should say it were, as looks like a prejediced nose off in a instant, a-asking me if I took 'im for a darned fool, as is 'Merrykin for bad langwidge, as he've picked up werty quick.

“Now," I says, “you've been a-drinkin' so I don't take no notice of

your words, but you're gross insultin,' and I was a-goin' out of the So I says to 'im, “Mr. Buown," I says, “ if all as you've learnt from room, but he jumps up and says, “ Don't go," and ketched 'old on me, being with foreigners is their low-lived ways, I don't want to talk to “ Now," I says, “paws off, and let me go out of the room.” “No," you," and did not say another syllabus to 'im on the subjec'.

he says, “stop and take a friendly glass.” Of all the days as ever come from the 'evins it were that New Year's

“I don't want no more, and I'm sure you don't." If the Day! as was a mask of slush over your ankles, and rain and sleet fellow, as 'ad got a glass in 'is 'and, didn't try for to force it to my lips. a-drivin' in your face.

I give 'im a wiolent shove, and away he went slap on to the table BROWN he went off quite 'uffy for to see a friend, he said, as were where the wittles was, and knocked it over with a crash as were that busy over some steam-engine. So after breakfast was over I took and tremendous as it brought the neighbours in a-thinkin' as the 'ouse 'ad dressed myself elegant as is a blue barege, with a 'andsome lace collar, fell. I was that dreadful terrified as I took to my 'eels, a-meanin' to go and my cap trimmed with scarlet, as looks warm for the time of year. upstairs, but in my confusion opened the back door as goes into the But law bless you, I was knocked silly when I see Mas. SKIDMORE'S gardin with a high fight of stops as I slipped down like lightning. I two cousins as 'ad come to 'elp'er with her company as was dressed screamed murder and they all come a-rushin' out and come down the to death, as the sayin' is, with hamber silks and bugles round the whole lot on 'em, and it's a mercy as I were not-smashed lat, as no bottom, and long trains, and one on 'em in sky-blue, with a squint, doubt I should 'ave been but for the snow as were that deep as made and 'er arm in a sling thro' pitchin' down the sloop, as is what they a soft bed for me but werry nigh give me my death, thro' bein' that calls the steps, and well she

might, with everything froze as slippy as penetratin' as obligated to go to bed I were, but heard say as people glass, and no keepin' your feet, and not the presence of mind for to kep a-comin' to cal till near two in the mornin', and I'm sure it's lucky throw down no ashes.

as new year only comes once a year or ruin must be the consequencies, Well, they was all that dressed, as I didn't feel nowheres, and there for them "Merrykins would eat one another up. Thank goodness, Jos was Mrs. Flintorn, as is of the Dutch persuasion, as boards along with and 'is family' is a-comin' at last, or else I do believe as I must go Mrs. SKIDMORE, too, along with 'er 'usband, as in my opinion is a 'Ebrer l'ome if I 'ad to walk there. Jew, and 'is third wife, as I've 'eard a many things about, as the last didn't come by 'er end thro' fair play, and married this one within three months, as is only nineteen, and no doubt glad too for to make a match, as got 'er livin' a-gummin' up pocket-books, and gives herself

A COBBE-NUT.-" Ireland for the Irish."

He says,

I says,


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