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A LAND OF AMAZONS.
I'm staying in a wondrous land,

A grove of myrtle and of laurel.
There's comfort in the noisy Strand,

But here the women shout and quarrel.
It's very well to praise the sex,

But poets were but fools who sung them,
And if you care your mind to vex,

Just live in Devonshire among them.
A mile outside of Plymouth Hoe

No man with common sense will wander,
They know that Devon's girls are slow,

And hate the trash that mothors squander.
If thoughts of comfort they possess,

And wish to throw off melancholy,
They'll leave this land of loveliness

To rear its Amazons and folly.
I don't know what infects the air,

Or what can taint the country's waters,
But come now—tell me-is it fair,
That every house should teom with daughters ?
I'm not a rank misogynist,

But why should cruel fate debar Bons ;
A pretty girl I love, but list,

in Devon their papas are parsons.
I talk not in a bilious mood,

I've had no worries to upset me,
I simply talk for Devon's good-

I'll quote example if you'll let me.
To test my accuracy try,

Away and hear them sneer and snivel,
Attend a tête of archery,

And then, my friend, go home and drivel.

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Three Throws & Penny, Wise and Pound

Foolish. We hear that a certain noble lord has, from long practice, acquired the skill of hurling missiles at the head of Aunt SALLY with such fatal precision, that he hus obtained the soubriquet of “The Enterprising Impress-SAIREY-Oh!”

MAKING HIMSELF QUITE A DOME.

SCENE.—Oxford-street,
Little Billy Jenkins : "I SAY, PAPBRS, 'ERE'S A GO! VICH 18 THE VAY
TO Canson STREET? BLEST IF I AIN'T BIN AND Los' MYSELF IN St. Paul's
CHURCHYARD !"

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FROM OUR STALL.

in a manner that brought the house down repeatedly, and procured

both young ladies several recalls. Miss Fanny and M188 CARLOTTA In his new melodrama, Nobody's Child, Mr. Watt8 Phillips hos Andisoy were creditably supported by Messrs. Montague, STUART, out-Surried the Surrey. Such an olla podrida of thoroughfaced WIGAN, and JOYCB. The performance of Gaylove, by a gentleman rascality and spo:less innocence-fraudulent postmasters, intellectual whom we do not remember to have seen before, was an event. idiots, real stage-coaches, unreal precipices, practicable huntsmen, MR. AND Mrs. Howard Paul have secured the help of Mr88 LOUISA alarm-bells, and hair-dressing without the assistance of machinery Moore, who has joined them for the last few nights in a brisk farce, has rarely been dished up, we imagine, even on the south side of the called "The Old Fulks. The object of this lively trifle is to give the bridges. Mr. PullLiP8, however, cannot be blamed for giving his performers every possible opportunity of changing their dresses. M188 hungry, customers the food they evidently relish. The piece was L. Mooke makes a delightful old woman, and Mrs. Paul a charming received enthusiastically on its first night, and the author called before

young man. This evening, we believe, is the last one of the Paul the curtain to be looked at; so that Nobody's Child seems in a fair way performances at the strand Theatre, which house will re-open with a to draw money. For our own private palate, it is a little too highly new burlesque by Mr. Byron. spiced. We should bave been contented with less wickedness; nearly everybody in the play repels us. The hero, who is little better than a gibbering idiot in the early scenes, is rendered partially reasonable by

THE DULL SEASON. having some of his hair cut off. It is a pity that the coy damsel who performs this operation for him should not have improved on it by

Dass and drat each daily journalshaving his head, the cure might then have been total. MR. CRESWICK

There is really nothing in 'em! is effective in the character of this forlorn outcast, but his voice is

Those advertisements eternal too old for Joe. You expect a piping treble to issue from amongst the

End 'em-just as they begin 'em. poor lad's unkempt locks, and out comes a portentous basso profondo.

Poor JUDGE PAYNE, and Abyssinia, The make-up and pantomime aro very artistic. Mr. Edoar is a

Unionism and its crimeses, charming scoundrel, and MR. VOLLAIRE a delicious old rascal. The

British clerks intent on dinn-iahacting of Miss Pauncefort is graceful; she cuts Joe's hair with a

This the theme for Tel. or Times is dexterity worihy of a better wig. There is some elaborate scenery in

Nulla dies sine linea, the piece, which we will take (goodness knows why!) as an atonement

And what rubbish all these rhymes is ! for the rather dull dialogue. Decidedly the writing of Nobody's Child is much beneath MR. PHILLIPS's standard. A new farce precedes the melodrama; of that farce--as we cannot speak with Christian for

A Tale for the Marines. bearance-we will not speak at all.

A CORRESPONDENT writes to inquire what is the subject of narration Mr. Addison took a benefit at the Olympic last Wednesday, on when a vessel leaves port with its crew all told. The story of Can. which occasion his daughters played Julia and Helen in The Hunchback nING'S “Knife-Grinder," of courge.

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ULTIMA THULE.

LAND'S END, SEPTEMBER, 1967.
My lungs inflated with ozone,

My head with thoughts romantic,
I place my back against a stone

And face the blue Atlantic.
I've reached the land's extremity,

The past and present mingle,
I hold sweet converse with the sea,

And chatter with the shingle.
Land's End! There's something in the name

Most strangely fascinating,
Which leads me on to thoughts of fame,

And back to tricks of hating.
I've travelled some three hundred miles,

And now my journey's ended,
And shall I reap salt tears from smiles,

Or will the past be mended ?
Will duns consent to hide their horns,

Or mercilessly sue me?
Will care come trampling on my corns ?

Or MISTRESS FORTUNE woo me?
When I return to London's grind,

It's sweetness and vexation,
A fairer future shall I find

Or plunge in dissipation ?
Will MR. WEBSTER's scenery

Still hang in rags and tatters?
Good plays shall I be led to see,

Or stuff-insane as hatters ?
Will managers show taste and tact?

The pace be slow or killing?
Will cabby love or hate the Act ?

Blaspheme-or take his shilling?
Ah! little hand fast-locked in mine,

Wee fingers jewel-laden,
"Tis time--you say—that we should dino,

Most unromantic maiden!
Come, here's my stick, and here's a hand,

Long miles away to-morrow,
You'll boast you've touched the end of land,

And I---the end of sorrow!

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HERE THEY SPIKE THE ENGLISH.
Garçon :-“WIZ CREAM, SARB ?”.
Briton (desirous of airing his French) :—“PARLY FRONSY DONG !”
Garçon :-"YES, SARE! I VILL SEND ZE ENGLEES WAITARE !”

How do babies that are fed with BROWN AND Polson's Corn, Flour feel ?-Filled with a-maize.

Worthy of “Le Sport.”

Ønswers to Correspondents. Wg read in the Times of the 29th August :"At the Meggarnie Castle shootings in Glen Lyon above 900 brace of grouse were [We cannot return rejected MSS. or Sketches unless they are accompanied shot by Mr. Smithes and party during six days' sport, besides wild duck, snipe, by a stamped and directed envelope. We can take no notice of communicaptarmigan, golden plover, hares, rabbits, roe deer, salmon and black game." tions with illegible signatures or monograms.]

Had we not the authority of the "leading journal,” we should never have believed that an Ěnglish sportsman would increase his bag enclosed is one shilling." 'We should consider it'dear at the half of a forty

T. E. B. (Notting-bill) sends a contribution, stating the price of the in the Highlands by shooting salmon. Such being Mr. SMITHES idea of eighth of that sum. sport, what on earth-or rather in water—may we ask, must Mr. JENNY WREN.–Very creditable under the circumstances, but we JENKINS do when he visits his Highland estate? But the thought is Jenay-Wren-ly require something better. too doop for contemplation at the present reading of the thermometer. WERG commences his lines with the quotation, " Lend me your ears."

Does he take us for an ass ?

A SUG-JBSTER is thanked. The paper has nothing to do with the elub. A Likely Case-ley.

He will probably find his other wishes satisfied ero long.

C. H.-No. Set a thief to catch a thief-or foil a thief. In other words, employ a burglar to invent a burglar-proof safe. It is stated that CASELEY, R. (Liverpool).—You R not of any service to us.

JOB. - Under consideration. during his enforced stay at Freemantle, in Western Australia, has

NECB8BITARIAN.–Try Notes and Queries. We don't undertake to invented such a safe, and has sent a model to the joweller, for break

answer such questions. ing into whose premises he was sentenced, as some compensation for

J. C. (Plaistow.)

The answer is “Billet Doux.” the loss of the robbery.” To which paragraph we reply, in the name E. R. (Durham Villas, Lower Norwood.)-We disagree with your of the jeweller in question-WALKER!

opinion entirely.

WILLY (Lancaster).-Read Browning's "A Light Woman," and then A New Formation.

do it if you can.

AN OCCASIONAL CONTRIBUTOR. --No, you are not ! The Court Ciroular, in speaking of the deceased french poet, Beau- DUNN BROWN.-Poor Duan Brown ! DELAIRE, describes his forehead as "formed in long grey hair.” We Declined with thanks :--J. T. H., Walsall; Pietro Aretino; J. Mcl., don't quite understand the meaning of the expression; we cannot Glasgow; Kensington ; H. L. G., P. O.; M. B., Long-acre ; E. G., understand how hair can form a forehead, though we could point out Brompton-road; E. B. Westbourne-park; J. N. K., Shalford; 'J. P. T. many men who owe the appearance of a nobly intellectual and lofty 1. w.d.; Ben; W. B.;

A. G. s., Maida-hill; J. W. T. Ap. Eve forehead to the absence of hair on the fore-cranium.

R. P., Belvidere; C. R. O; L. H., Carnarvon ; Walker ; E. A. M., East

Sheen ; _B. F. H., Manchester; J. W., Camden-road; H. J. H., WanTHE FOREIGN“ OFFICE.”Keep your powder dry !

stead ; Ryde-ing on a Cob; One in a Milky Way; Sazon-in-Cornwall.

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WAITING FOR THE WINNER.

Look at some of the reg'lar tip-top bookmakers, what their histories

was, and see 'em now down at Farringdon-street, or in the Park, or COMMUNICATED OUTSIDE BY A MEMBER OF THE TURF.

at one or two o' the pubs round the corner, as affable as you please, Ax' why not? If I chooses to call myself so, there ain't no law with a willa and their horse and shay, and champagne every day for agin it that I knows on. My master-he's a butcher, he is-ain't got dinner, and livin' like fightin' cocks. Why, I shouldn't wonder if no sperret in him, and as I says, a butcher without sport's like biled some on 'em don't keep fightin' cocks. They don't come outside here, mutton without the trimmin's. Lor, I couldn't live without it myself. them sort don't; nor yet I don't mean to, arter a bit. I shall go to Afore I was thirteen I'd put sevenpence on the favourite, and now I'm Tatr'salL's when I've got a pair of new cords and my green cutaway nigh three year older I should say I was pretty well up. I've staked coat, and then with a white hat, and yaller gloves, an' a flower in my a tidy lot o'coal in my time, I can tell ycu, and though I was pinched button-hole, I shull be one o' the same swim. They are a rough lot outthrough takin' a false tip from a cove as calls hisself a prophet, but in side here, and the perlice is always sbovin' of us about so, but that's becos my opinion didn't know no more o' stable secrets than I do myself, the general public ain't no idea o' sport; they ain't got the pluck for I've got over the Sun Ledger. I'm to be seen most days when there's it, no more ain't ’arf o' these fellers, bless yer. They're costers, some a big event, outside of Bell's Life or else the Sportin'. There was a on 'em, and broken-down postboys and omnibus cads, and there's even pictur', as come out some time ago: and what a precious sight on' em one or two publicans as have gone to the bad, and chaps as have come there are. I take in half a dozen penny numbers myself, all about boys up from Liverpool and such places, to "look about 'em,” as they call as has raised theirselves through their own exertions to be piruts an it They don't look far, do they? A-standin' about here half their highwaymen, and bold smugglers, and sich like, as there ain't much time; but they're down upon the welchers like a cartload o' bricks, are feelin' for nowadays: but the one I mean was a pictur' called “Wait- these coves from the north. They're tolerable leary, too, mind you, in' for the Werdick.” What I say is, that there ought to be another and you'll often see one on 'em with a black eye, as you may be safe done by some artisk as should be called “Waitin' for the Winner." he's give change for. Oh, I know how to take care o' myself; but There's a title! Why, I'm blest if it wouldn't do for a reg'lar mealy- this ain't my game. I mean to put a handful on the next ewent, and ! drama, if you was only to put another line underneath, like they then we shall see whether I can't rise to heminence. I'm too confined always do in the penny numbers and on playbills ;- Waiting for the in my present business; butcherin' don't suit me, and so my mind's Werdick; ; or, the Wicked Wiles o' the Wenomous Welcher. Now, then, made up. What if I should lose on this? Well, I don't ezactly know where are you a-shovin' on, stupid? You want a prop in the eye, what I mightn't do in that case; but I think I should borrow the don't you? Do you think as you're to have the pavement when the money - temporary-of master. He needn't know it, you know, afore wires is just at work and we're waitin' to see what's fust? Oh, I'm I paid it back, and then of course there'd be no call to tell him. to be heard of here, or in any o' the pubs close handy. Why, bless your weskit, I know a pretty good many o' the tip-top sportsmen ;

A Meat-ing. and they know me and don't mind taking me in 'arf-a-crowns. It'll be sovs afore long. Do you sao that elderly party there as is leanin'

The journeymen butchers of London have held a meeting in Lamagin the window? Weil, he's been ruined four or five times by the beth with a view to improving their position, and to diminish their Turf, and all becos he never was bold enough; that's what he told me Sunday extra hours of labour. We hope the butchers will get on hisself. He looks a seedy old cove, don't he?' And he says he never

first chop! had 'arf a nerve on him when it come to the time to put the pot on, and so he never did no good, even arter he'd made a heap by luck! NOTICE.— Now ready, the Twelfth Half-Yearly Volume of FUN, being He's goin' to put me up to a good thing or two, when I've got enough THE FIFTH VOLUME OF THE NEW SERIES. to beck my luck; for you see there's some is lucky, and I'm one of 'em. Magenta cloch, 43. 6d.; post free, 6s. Cases for binding, 1s. 6d. cach. LONDON : Printed by JUDD & GLASS, Phønis Works, St. Andrews Al, Doctors' Commons, and Published (for the Propriotor) by W. ALDER, at 80, Fleet-stroen, E.C.

September 28, 1867.

was

THE FOLLY OF BROWN.

BY A GENERAL AGENT.
KNEW a boor-a clownish card,

(His only friends were pigs ånd cows and
The poultry of a small farmyard)

Who came into two hundred thousand. Good fortune worked no change in BROWN,

Though she's a mighty social chymist;
He was a clown--and by a clown

I do not mean a pantomimist.
It left him quiet, calm, and cool,

Though hardly knowing what a crown
You can't imagine what a fool

Poor rich uneducated RO was ! He scouted all who wished to come

And give him monetary schooling ; And I propose to give you some

Idea of his insensate fooling. I formed a Company or two

(Of course I don't know what the rest meant, I formed them solely with a view

To help him to a sound investment.) Their objects were—their only cares —

To justify their Boards in showing A handsome dividend on shares

And keep their good promoter going. But no—the lout sticks to his brass

Though shares at par I freely proffer: Yes—will it be believed ?—the ass

Declines, with thanks, my well-meant offer

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PROSPECTUS

60 Perleri,

But no—the clown my prospects blights

(The worth of birth it surely teaches !) “Why should I want to spend my nights

In Parliament, a-making speeches ? “I haven't never been to school

I ain't had not no eddicationAnd I should surely be a fool

To publish that to all the nation!” I offered him a trotting horse

No hack had ever trotted fasterI also offered him, of course,

A rare and curious “old master." I offered to procure him weeds—

Wines fit for one in his positionBut, though an ass in all his deeds,

He'd learnt the meaning of "commission." He called me “thief” the other day,

And daily from his door he thrusts me; Much more of this, and soon I may

Begin to think that Brown mistrusts me. So deaf to all sound Reason's rule

This poor uneducated clown was, You cannot fancy whát a fool

Poor rich uneducated BROWN was !

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He added, with a bumpkin's grin,

(A weakly intellect denoting) He'd rather not invest it in

A company of my promoting. "You have two hundred 'thou' or more,"

Said I, “You'll waste it, lose it, lend itCome, take my furnished second floor,

I'll gladly show you how to spend it!” But will it be believed that he,

With grin upon his face of poppy, Declined my aid, while thanking me

For what he called my “philanthroppy.” Some blind, suspicious fools rejoice

In doubting friends who wouldn't harm them : They will not hear the charmer's voice,

However wisely he may charm them!
I showed him that his coat, all dust,

Top boots and cords provoked compassion ;
And proved that men of station must

Conform to the degrees of fashion.

An-e Difference. A CONTEMPORARY, speaking of submarine telegraphy, states that a cable is projected from San Francisco to the Sandwich Islands, and thence to China and Japan. It adds :

“Such a cable might in time be profitable, and in time the necessity therefore will be sorely felt.” If our friend does not mean, antiquely speaking (not to say antically), “therefor” bis remarks are somewhat sarcastic, for the “sore want of such cable-seo prospectus of future company–will be the “ therefore " which follows the “because " of profits.

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Town Talk.

can

holders say? Of course the Government will refuse to return the money-and very rightly.

I have just received from ME88RS. BARNARD of Oxford a set of BY THE SAUNTERER IN SOCIETY.

magic-lantern slides which are reproductions of "Fun's Illustrated Edition of the Poets,” published in the almanac of last year. They

are cleverly copied, and, being printed by a patent enamel process, can HERARD be produced in numbers which bring the price down to a very reasonable OSBORNE

figure. reports the

The magazines are so plentiful nowadays, one never seems to get reparation of through them all in the month. The third number of Tinsley's is a the cable of very marked improvement. A paper on " Yachting" is capital, and 1866. One

“Somebody's Bag” is good. “Dr. Brady” progresees admirably, and of the earliest

80 does “ The Rock Ahead "- but why will Mr. Yates introduce so bits of news

many real people, under very transparent disguises, into all his stories ? it will have Walt WHITMAN'S “ Carol" is not the best thing which that eccentric to flash under genius has written, but there is some poetry and not much "barbaric the Atlantic

yaup " in it. Belgravia has copied Tinsley's in one department, and to our Ameri. bids for the favour of the ladies with an article on Paris Fashions. By cousins

the way, the editor has been represented as horrified to find that will be star- “MR. BABINGTON WHITR" has cribbed “Circe" from Octave tling enough FEUILLET, and desirous to return us all our shillings! What would even to peo- she say if she knew that Balzac has also been laid under contribution ple who are for that same novel? Who can this mysterious being with the very not

averse melodramatic name and the hazy ideas of literary honesty be? I had from im always been under the impression that it was only a nom de plume of peaching Miss BRADDON’S. Cassell's Magazine seems to improve. But for a their

own

very twaddlesome and shallow paper on omnibuses by DR. WYNTBB, it President. would be almost faultless, as far as the editorial and literary department There will be is concerned. The printing and the cuts are still susceptible of im. more stir provement. The Quiver is full of its usual arrows, 1 bough some of created in ihem are a little too "goody" for my taste. Many of the illustrations, America

notably those of Watson, are good, but I think the coloured frontisfancy by the piece a mistake. While I am on literary inatters I may just say how. news of Gas glad I am to see that we are shortly to have "The Lite and Times of RIBADI'S ar

QUBEN ANNB" from MR. HANNAY. It will be, I dare prophesy, a rare rest than treat to all who love to read of that glorious age. there has been in Eng. land. WO

AT SKELMORLIE.
have begun

A DREAM OP A SCOTTISH WATERING PLACE.
to give the
General up

O MAIDEN that art on the shores of Skelmorlie, - too hard to solve, and are little surprised at anything he is, does, or

Where grimly the great cliffs look down on the Clyde ;

Where sunsets are golden, and Summer yields sorely suffers. We still admire him, but the admiration is blended with

Her empire to Autumn, who comes in her pride. wonder. At any rate no one can regret that he has been checked with

You must have a name for my verse, this dilemma out any disturbance of the peace, ko necessary for the “solidification' of the Italian kingdom. But at the very best the position is an

Is awkward, a poet can't rhyme to a myth;

So we will, if you please, for the nonce call you Emma, extremely trying one for the king and people, no less than for the noble prisoner.

Your surname? No matter; say Brown, Jones, or SMITH. The mention of the Atlantic Cable reminds one that the scheme for I think that we must have been children together; placing the telegraphs in the hards of the General Post Office seems With faces soap-polish'd to ono school we went; likely to be abandoned. It is to be greatly regretted that the agitation When the toffy and apples in very hot weather should drop, for the telegraph companies want waking up sadly. Would get in our pockets offensively blent. There is no depending upon them at all, and even in a matter of life Your appetite, then, would be very voracious, and death if you urge the immediate transmission of your message Your eyes on your food most devouringly roll'd; upon the clerk, he gives you a lippant and unsatisfactory answer. It While I was an infant, both mild and mendacious, would be an improvement if they would allow you to pay an extra fee And you would be whipped for the crammers I told. to insure promptitude, with damages recoverable.

The Fenian said at Manchester has startled us all considerably. It Sweet days of our childhood ! How pleasing the duty,
is no jesting matter that a handful of armed men should be able to To burst, like a bird, on the theme into song;
rescue prisoners from a police-van almost undirturbed. The whole We grew ; I can safely say I did, in beauty,
thing is incomprehensible; the police were warned, but did not take You'll tell me, I beg, if my facts should be wrong.
sufficient precaution, and the rioters assembled and hung about the And you, when I married your sister, for ever
Hyde-road for hours waiting for the van, and yet no report of the

Became from that time quite the pest of my life;
gathering reached head-quarters. Then, again, it is very encouraging I vow, if I'd known all your tricks I would never
to the conspirators, and most detrimental to the cause of order that the Have taken that creature seraphic to wife.
two rescued prisoners should be still at large. In fact, what with this
rescue, the escape of STEPHENS, and the numerous similar cases (an

This may be a dream from the Ivory Portal, escape was reported only last week), we shall have the people who are

We know that dreams come to disquiet the breast; superstitious believing that bolts and bars and 'prison walls cannot

You may be a vision, no flesh and blood mortal, confine a Fenian. The truth, I fancy, is, that our prison system is as

With hair very crèpé, becomingly dress'd. faulty as our police system; that it serves well enough when it deals

What of that! while the Laureate may rhyme to his lasses, with the ordinary criminal, but fails as soon as it encounters a more

(He names in his verse a round dozen or more) intelligent or a more enterprising villain.

I'll till to your name in the largest of glasses, The London and Brighton Railway, which once seemed to be the

A little hot water,—and whiskey galore! best managed and most prosperous of all the railways, is turning out to be no better than its neighbours. The latest revelation shows that for the sake of appearing wealthy, it has been paying income-tax at

Try our Dillwyn's Mixture." the rate of a hundred thousand a year-upon a loss! If an individual The“ tea-room party,” of which MR. DILlwyn was the spokesman were to get credit by producing his receipts for a tremendous income- the other day, seems to set too much value on the stir created by its tax, he would, I suppose, be indictable for obtaining money under teaspoons. It was but a tempest in a tea-cup; but those concerned false pretences. In a railway company such conduct is considered would do better to wash their dirty tea service, like their dirty clothes, “able financing," I daresay. But what will the unhappy share- at home.

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