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OUR NATIONAL PORTRAIT GALLERY.-No. 5. BENJAMIN WEBSTER.

Similia Similibus Curantur. An Act has been passed by the Council at Simla declaring all the railway employés to be public servants, and therefore, by the penal code, subject to severe penalties for taking bribes. A mean old screw of our acquaintance says he wishes they would pass a Sim'lar Act in England.

Thereby Hangs a Tail. The Sheffield Telegraph contains a conspicuous advertisement announcing the sale of BROADABAD's carte at a shilling. We would give twenty times the money to see him whipt at its tail.

LITTLE ADDRESSES TO BIG NAMES.

Poon, never mind the Times !
Perhaps your supers are a seedy lot;
(And oh! good gracious, WEBSTER, are they not ?)
Perhaps your scenery has had its day
(And that was rather distant, I should say);
Perhaps your house does want a little scrubbing ;
The critic must be mad who takes to dubbing

Such little matters crimes.
A manager, an author, and an actor ;-

In one só versatile as you, my Ben,
The stage has got a triple benefactor-

And, if you lose your temper now and then
When critically lectured or admonished,
Of course we're sorry, but we're not astonished.

But where is Paul ?-
Not singing, surely, at a inusic-hall ?

I hear he goes
About the country chanting “Jolly Nose!”

And CLARKE and TOOLE ?-
We're not so flush of talent, as a rule,

That we can bear
To waste its sweetness on provincial air.
You've built at Maybury an actor's college,

And paved it, probably, with good intentions.
The act was noble; but, you must acknowledge,

The money for our poor old players' pensions
Might easily be made by better means
Than those improper Crystal Palace Scenes.

Irish News. We see it reported that recently the usual celebrations commemorating the raising of the siege of Derry were held, and in a fitting and Hibernian manner-by the singing of “ Derry Down !

Photographic. M. ADOLPHE BEAU has just published tho first part of the Court Album. Of course it contains portraits of members of the Beau monde only.

Q. E. D. PEOPLE seem surprised at the recent Fenian outrages. But, considering the numbers of Centres and Circles, it is only natural their conduct should sometimes be out-radius.

Backwards or Forwards. A CORRESPONDENT, who is, he says, a little backward, feels shy about asking for his Fun. He can ask for it a little backward and he will still be all right, for he will get A-nur for his money either way!

VERY LIKE SENDING Coals to NEWCASTLE.-Sending Bass's Beer to Malt-a.

When Found, Make a £500 Note of. The escaped Fenians Kelly and Deasy.

Town Talk.

TRIPLE ACROSTIC.*

No. 31.
By Th) SAUNTERER IN SOCIETY.

ENGLISH-born and English-bred :
UST now the Fenian conspiracy

Raise them from their lowly bed!
is becoming a real danger-

Bare-oh, bare the supple knife; but only in as far as it places

Yet, if wiso, you'll spare the life! deadly weapons in the hands

If you love them truly, you
of the ignorant and brutal, and

Will lament they are so few.
renders it possible that any of
us may at any moment be shot

1.
down by a ruffian who fixes
a quarrel on us. The authorities

If you wish to acquiesce

This will do instead of "yes."
have a difficult task before
them ; they must punish

2.
promptly and severely, but they

This means acquiescence too-
must be careful not to seem

This instead of "yes" will do.
dealing in the penalties which
Panic pronounces! As regards

3.
the Manchester case, there can

Now female novelists prevail, be no difficulty, however, as

And give us many à harrowing tale ;
regards the principal culprit.

From “ Dennis Donne" and "Birds of Prey,"
ALLEN shot down a policeman,

How pleasant 'tis to turn away,
who was simply doing his

To "Felix Holt” and “ Adam Bede". duty; and whether he shot him

They're works of intellect indeed : to liberate COLONBL KELLY

Creations of George Eliot's brain or simple Bill Sukes, hanged he must be for a cowardly murderer.

We read again-and yet again; And although I think all should be sentenced to death, the punish

This character is one of those ment might be commuted to penal servitude in the cases of those not

The world to that great writer owes. proved to have been seen armed with revolvers.

4. The War Office has already opened its campaign of blunders in connection with the Abyssinian expedition. Four officers have been If you find a dead body the course to pursue with it sent to Constantinople to purchase mules - they might as well have Is to call for an inquest-and then this you do with it. gone to the Eddystone Lighthouse for an elephant! This is the first

6. time the Department has been called upon to do any work of this sort since it was supposed to be entirely re-organised and reformed after

He came and shook his head the Crimean war. At present the bungling is only comical, but when

And very wisely said, the campaign commencos, it is to be feared it will assume its old tragic

It was staggers and the case was so extreme aspect. I verily believe that we should save money as well as prestige

That the only proper course if we got our Public Office work done by private enterprise on com

If you wished to save the horse mission. Meanwhile, the mild clerk who sent those officers out on

Was to bleed it and at once produced a fleam. the fools-or mule's—errand is doubtless saying, "Bless my soul ! I

6. was under the impression-Ah!” while his fellow-clerks chaff him, and the authorities pen a minute about him, which he need not read

I live in it-you live in itunless he likes.

All return, alack, to it; The Cornhill this month is welcome for its charming drawings by

We tread it under foot each minute, WALKER— now, alas, far too seldom met with on the wood. M188

But origin trace back to it! Edwards's picture is charming, and the number, on the whole, less ponderous than usual. "Our Rosalinds" will, I fear, scarcely per

ANSWER TO ACROSTIC No. 29. suade the public to the belief its writer holds of Mrs. Scott-SIDDONS'S

P Puff

F powers. The new magazine, St. Paul's, is very unattractive quoad

A Amo wrapper, but the contents seem good, of the Curnhill class. Belgravia

Youthful is good, though some of the pictures are very poor—"Lusignan” is a

N

Nail clever Doresque bit, though. C. S. C. (the initials are well enough

*

Eastry known to be those of Mr. CalverLEY) contributes some smart vers de societe ; Mr. THORNRURY, MR. Sala, and Mu. MORTIMER COLLins are

CORRECT SOLUTIONS OF ACROSTIC No. 29, RECEIVED 2ND OCTOBER :- Ada M.; The pleasant reading. Mr. SCOFFERN'S "Memoir of Faraday" is inferior. Bo!; Cigarette ; Uçterlimmage ; 'Dignali; Sparkie; Four Brokers; K. P.; Boxleyi

Sixty-Eight; Happy Isle; Ruby; Trotty F., Sebrach ; Fanny B.; "For John C."; A propos of the mags., i see that Cassell's announces a new novel with Breakride and 11.; F. H.; J. D. P.; Old Trafford ; Two B. C.; V. J. R.; Chumpkin; a very telling title—" Poor Humanity.'

A. A.; Tosh ; Painfully; M. B. P.; Betsy H.; Valentine; Tiny Ditton; D. M. Y.; I am sorry to see the name of Messrs. METZLER AND Co. to a

Pal o' Mine; Timber; Mike; S. and K.; Bunnie P.; C. N. W.; Dot; The Don;

Coombes; Erin go Bragh; Brummagem B.; Little B.; Doodles; N. N. N.; Varney collection of comic songs, of the most worthless Music Hall style, and the V.; Elton; Canterbury; Hedvehog; W. E. W.; 'E. M. H.'; Nemo; Ġwallia; called (no, I shall not advertise her gratis) “Miss

-'s Comic A Clever Boy;' A 'Cute Youth ; Froggy; Cecil ; Neprune 22; D. E. H.; Nobody's Sung Book.” I believe the respectable publishers I name were not aware

Cbild; Engineers Out of Work; Holdfast; W. a. T.; Epton; Gyp Amicus ; 2 Moreton Owls; Fanny: W. A. W.; B.; Scantine;

A Little D.; Ánda L.; Jaion; of the improper practices resorted to in the book. In the first place, a Chang; Juwhit; Bowa; J. R. W. L.; E. S. K.; Edgely ; R. O. Y.; T. M. H.; puffing preface is signed G. A. S, with the obvious intention of leading Scarle, A. G.; E. L. O.; Keg Meg ; A Dark-F.yed Hussy; Effigy; Bondellis B. B.; people to suppose it is by a well-known writer. In the second place, lonkey w. Long J.; C. M.'s.; F. W. ; Polar Knurr and spell; Little Woman Beveral pages are devoted to quotations of the opinions of the press on 0. K.; Blinkbonry; A. J. R.; H. T.; Joyful Bufums; Darling Fluffy; Lolliquer the singer-and if Mr. HOLLINGSHEAD wants anything to give dramatic L; Two Clapham Contortionists; Philofun. criticisms a knock-down blow, I commend these pages to him. Among these notices appears the following :

Readers-and Rea ers. HALL BY THE SEA, MARGATE.-If Madrmoiselle wishes to cultivate a fascinating style of singing, she should imitate .... Miss --"-Fun.

LOOKING over the daily and weekly journals, a sub-editor of our This contains two misrepresentations. First of all, by heading the be, they most of them were in dire need of one reader more-the

acquaintance was led to remark that, whatever their circulation might paragraph Hall by the Sea," as the others are headed “Weston's," printer's reader ! &c., it implies that Miss

hus sung at the Hall, which she has not. And finally, the sentence quoted in a garbled form originally

Right He Was ! ran, “should imitate Madame LEMMENS SHERRINGTON rather than M188 .” If this way of getting a favourable criticism is

An old Indian officer, on hearing that European as well as native honest, I should like to know

what is dishonest. I am not an opponent troops would be employed in the Abyssinian expedition, exclaimed, of the Music Hall, which I believe to be capable of good ; " but the * 0, si Sikh omnia !" sooner it gets rid of that awful thing, “the Comic Songstress,” the better for it and the sex.

• In Triple Acrostics three words have to be discovered, the second being shown by the middle letters of the words, whose initials

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