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MRS. BROWN IN AMERICA.
little steamer, as 'ad come to see us off, begun a-wavin' their ’ats and
cheerin', I did feel a little choky, a-thinkin' as I was a-bein' committed How SHE CAME TO GO THERE.
to the deep, as the sayin' is.
It's all werry well for to call 'em “state rooms” where you sleeps, HAT!" I says to BROWN,
| for a nice stats the one was in as I were a-goin' to 'ave, and Brown “go off to 'Merryker the
he'd been and give up'is bed-place to a woman, for lady I won't call 'er, same as that fellow Man
thro' 'er behaviour, as were reg'lar low-life, for I'd been and took the DERS, in the middle of the
| underneath þed, as is one atop of another like shelves, and that narrer night, in debt down to the
as turn you can't, not to save your life; and while my back was turned milkman, as were over
if that creature didn't get into my bed, and when i went down agin three pounds, and him
was a-snorin' like a 'og. So I says, “ Mum, you'll excuse me, but this with a sick wife and seven
is my bed.” “Oh!” she says, “I'm that awful bad I can't be moved.” hinfants ; as is a country
So I calls the stewardess, as says, '“ P'raps, Mum, you wouldn't mind I don't 'old with, where
a-takin' the upper berth.” I says, “Me climb up there!" I says, they're all a-runnin'
“Never!” “Law," she says, “it's nothink for a springy figger like about in nothink but beads and a few feathers,
Well, the wessel were a-beginnin' to roll, and the way as I as ain't common decent;
were pitched about in that cabin, a.comin' sich cracks agin the sides a-yellin' of their war
on it, so I turned that giddy as I says, “Get to bed I must!" but law, one and Aourishin about the work it were to get me into that place, as I says, “You may well their Tommy 'awks, as is
call it a berth, as 'll be the death of me!” and so I thought it would, certain death, as I well
for many a day (Brown, he couldn't come for to see me, thro' that remembers that pictur' of
party as were underneath a-sayin' she were & single woman, and one myself as did need to couldn't be seen by no he creeturs), and I don't think as ever I did 'ang over the dinin’-room
pass sich a five days, a-takin' next to nothink, and should'аve perished mantelpiece in my fust
but for that stewardess, as were a mother to me, and don't think, if place, a-settin' on 'is
she hadn't persuaded me, I ever should ’ave come to light agin, as I 'aunches a-watchin' the
did at last, tho' I must say, when I got on deck and soe nothink but a dyin' agonies of GENERAL
world of waters, it give me a dreadful turn, and a lot of passengers Wolfe, no doubt a-wait.
a-walkin' about, and some a-sittin' on chairs, and me that figger, for in' to dewour 'im afore
in my 'urry to get out of that cabin I'd been and forgot to put on he breath were out of 'is body, like a ragin' wultur', and a savage
my 'air. beast as killed CAPTING Cook when 'is back were turned, as is a
I must say the meals is wonderful regʻlar, and that plentiful as cowardly act, and would have done for ROBI'SON CRUSOE, all but for
five times a day is too many for me, tho' parties says as you require it
at sea, but don't seem natural to me. 'Owever they can wash the FRIDAY; but what can you expect from a' uninabited island ? as it
things up I can't think, tho' in course 'avin' the ocean that 'andy is a wasn't no better than when fust discovered, long afore steam were in
convenience. vented, as is a long time to look forurd to, but nothink when it's gone,
(To So Brown, he says, “Do 'old your as is only a wapour arter all.”
continued in our next.) clack, for I'm blest if you won't drive me into the Diworce Court, or Bedlam, or somewheres.” “Well," I says, “MR. Brown, there's your betters as ’ave come to Bedlam through inflictions as is calamaties
LINES, a-overtakin' 'em, but as to the Diworce Court, never, for I scorns your
By 1 CONTRIBUTOR WITH A COLD. words, as 'ave never laboured under no sich amputations as could bring a blush in a' 'onest woman's cheek ;” and I was that 'urt as I walked
“ You are waiting for copy of mine," out of the room in a 'uff, with my feelin's 'urt, and didn't see nothink
So you write, MR. Editor-pish! you . more on 'im till supper; as when it were over, he says to me, “I
Must know that I can't write a line wasn't a-jokin' about 'Merryker, as I'm a-goin' to." So I says
When I're got such a horrid-a-tischew ! nothink, but I bu'sts into tearg. He says, “Hallo! What's up with you ?" So I says, “Brown, I've got a 'art and not a stone in my
Though you know I am suffering so, bussim, as can't think of bein' deserted in the evenin' of my days, and
Yet you'd drive me, you cold blooded fish, you, left behind the same as that wagabone TITTERTON as left 'er with
To write—but I'd have you to know eight.” “ Well,” says Brown, “any'ow, I can't leave you with eight,
I consider your conduct-a-tischew old gal.” I says, “Brown, it's 'ard to jest when the 'art's a-breakin'.”
So no copy from a will you get, He says, “I 'adn't no thoughts of leavin' you behind, old gal, if
Though the wint of it thoroughly dish you ;you've the pluck to come.” “Well,” I says, “I did 'ope to 'ave died
'Tis useless to fume and to fret, in a Christsbin country, and been berried in my own natural symmetry,
I don't care a single-a-tischew ! as the sayin' is; but," I says, “if you're a-goin' over there I'll foller,
Such a cold as I have in my head if it's to death's door, as the sayin' is.” “Well," he says, “I thought
'Twould be really cruel to wish you :as you'd come, if it was only to see Joe.” “What!" I says, “ Are
So I won't be a brute, but, instead, you a-goin' near him? Then I'll go too."
I will wish you-a-tischew-A-TISCHEW! “Well," he says, “there's the sea to be thought on, as is a trial, partic'ler at your age.” “Well," I says, “ as to age, I'm younger than a many as ’ave gone, for look at Mrs. WHEELER, as were over eighty, and went reg'lar to Margate erery year." "Ah!” he says,
Literary Note. “you don't know what the sea ig." I says, '“ Don't I, tho'?” as
A new organ of Irish opinions has been started in London, under certinly is not a life I should ever 'ave took to, tho' females 'as been the title of the Gael. Weil! we know Pat is not averse from "a known to go for sailors, but in general thro' disappointed love, the breeze," so it may blow the proprie
breeze," so it may blow the proprietors some good. same as that young gal in William Taylor,' as must have looked werry foolish when diecovered by the Capting afore all the crew." So Brown he says, “ Well, you may go for a sailor if you like, but
Fishy. I don't think as it would suit you.” Í says, “None of your jeers, but It may interest our country readers to learn that Holborn 19 do talk serious," and so he did, and if he wasn't a-goin' to start that recently been partially gutted-in fact, has lost its Row. wery Saturday next as were a-comin', and me not a thing ready, and here was Saturday night. 'Owever I did get ready I don't know, but
Musical and Legal. ready I was by ihat Friday, as put Mrs. CHALLin out, me a-stariin’
The gentlemen of the legal profession are not, we believe, very much on a Friday, as I says “Rubbish!” and off we goes to Liverpool.
given to vocal or instrumental composition, but we suppose that were It certingly did give me a turn when we was bein' took aboard the
a lawyer to compose “ a piece," he would write it in 6-8 time. steamer in a little one as were that crowded it's a mercy we didn't go far in it or upset we should 'ave been. When we got aboard the big steamer it certinly were wonderful for size, and I says to Brown as I
A Query for Mr. Halli-well. didn't believe as she could be moved ; but law bless you! the bell SHAKESPEARE says, “ All's well that ends well.” Must we not con. rung, and we was off like nothink; ard when the parties aboard the sider Han-well and Bride-well exceptions to this rulo ?
The First Lord's Daughter.
“ Twelve years blackhole, I say,
Where daylight never flashes; And always twice a day
Five hundred thousand lashes !” But Joseph had å mate,
A sailor stout and lusty, A man of low estate,
But singularly trusty.
TAR but poorly prized
Long, shambling, and unsightly, Tbrashed, bullied, and despised,"
Was wretched Joe GOLIGHTLY. He bore a workhouse brand,
No pa or ma had claimed
The Beadle found him, and
A beggar p'raps his mother!
I rather think the other.
He loved the salt sea-water ;
ter. The First Lord's daughter proud, Snubbed earls and viscourt's
nightlyShe sneered at barts aloud, And spurned poor Joe Go
LIGHTLY. Whene'er he sailed afar
Upon a Channel cruise, he Unpacked his light guitar
And sang this ballad (Boosey).
Willow! But though y sigh and sob and cry, No Lady Jane for me,
Says he, “Cheer hup, young Jue!"
I'll tell you what I'm arter, To that Füst Lord I'll go
And ax him for his darter. “To that Fust Lord I'll go
And say you love her dearly." And Joe said (weeping low),
“I wish you would, sincerely!" That sailor to that Lord
Went, soon as he had landed, And of his own accord
An interview demanded. Says he, with seaman's roll,
"My Captain (wot's a Tartar), Guv Joe twelve years' black hole,
For lovering your darter. “ He loves Miss LADY JANE
(I own she is his betters), But if you'll jine them twain,
They'll free him from his fetters. “ And if so be as how
You'll let her come a-boardship, I'll take her with me now”
“Get out!” remarked his Lordship.
She says, “ 'Twere folly quite,
Willotu! for me to wed a wight,
Ho gave him many a rating,
From thus expostulating:
What's come to that young man, Joe? Belay !-'vast heaving you !
Do kindly stop that banjo !” “I wish, I do-oh, lor!
You'd shipped aboard a trader : Are you a sailor, or
A negro serenader ?”. But still the stricken cad,
Aloft or on his pillow, Howled forth in accents sad
His aggravating “ Willow !" Stern love of duty bad
Been Joyce's chiefest beautySays he, “I love that lad,
But duty, damme! duty!”
That honest tar repaired
To Joe, upon the billow, And told him how he'd fared :
Joe only whispered, “Willow !" And for that dreadful crime
(Young sailors learn to shun it) He's working out his time:
In ten years he'll have done it.
Of streamlets that shimmer and bend;
And fought like a fiend with a friend.
O'er plains full of puddles and pools,
The folly that's fed on by fools.
And risen to rocks like a roe;
And taken a tourist in tow.
Where laureate lovers have been ;
And drunk of the well of St. KEYNE.
And fed on red mullets and hako;
The foibles of fashion forsake.
When in Rome you must live as in Rome ;
But now I am happy at home. Hurrah! for the glare and the glitter,
And gaudiness gilded in gas; Hurrah! for the blessings of bitter,
Its brightness in beakers of Bass!
I had left for the lull of the land ;
For the scream and the song of the Strand !
Though the pace may be killing at last;
And a fiftieth visit to Caste.
I can mingle the “up” with the "down";
I can live when I'm tied to the town.
RIGHT ON THAT HEAD.
Cabby :-“YES, YER LOOKED AS IF YER WANTED that.”
The Latest Mag.
Answers to Correspondents. A FRIEND, on seeing the title of Mr. TROLLOPE's new magazine, St. Pauls, said that it would be better to call it Ball and Cross, as MR. [We cannot return rejected MSS. or Sketches unless they are accompanied T.'s novels always turn on Society and the Clergy.
by a stamped and directed envelope. We can take no notice of communica
ons with illegible signatures or monograms. ] A Shameful Act.
H. C. (Sheffield) writes :-“I am constantly travelling, and have a
little joke to lay before you, which is, being at Manchester a few days ago, An incendiary has maliciously set fire to the national school-house seeing a lot of bricklayers at work in thin jackets. A new jacket is proposed of Trainboy, near Raphoe, in the county of Donegal. Surely, if a | to be made for the poor workmen for tbe ensuing winter." We really can't school be needed anywhero, it must be at Train-boy!
see the joke. Perhaps H. C. is concealing a strait Waistcoat under his
X, 42.-Forte tu ex-in dog Latin.
A. B. (Lee) should show more A-B-Lee-T, if desircus of appearing in An Italian poet has, we are informed, written a poem of 900 lines on our columns. strawberries. We should not like to give berry much for what is not,
NEPAS.-Nefandum ! perhaps, worth a strav.
A. LONGFELLOW must be cut short.
The author of “A Dry Joke” wants us to insert it “ to give a chap a
little encouragement.” He doesn't want encouragement. “A chap” who The Health of London.
has sufficient courage to put “fellow" as a rhyme for “ umbrella," is above The cabmen say that after the first of November there will be a that! considerable reduction in the diseases of London, as the new Metro HIRAM (Birmingham);-We're sorry, Hiram, we don't admire 'em-a politan Act will on that day abolish the tizzy-c they have been so long
rhyme almost as bad as the sketches. afflicted with.
W. J. M. (Ware.)–Our answer has appeared already, if your signature was legible.
Declined with thanks :-R. M., Bristol; C. H., Nelson-square; Tizim, An Elaborate One.
Liverpool; H. W., Worcester; Cornelius Crab; É, M., Runcorn; B. B., Why are the two children of parents who frequently visit their off. Beresford-street; R. D. N., Newcastle; T. C., Arlington-square; Mrs. P.; spring like children without father or mother_Because they see them | Hyde Park; W. H., Fenchurch-street; J. N.. Manchester ; T. D., Peckorphan and orphan.
ham; W. W.; W.' G.; Ot-in-Tot; F. H. L., North Brixton ; T. R.,
Nazan; “Labor Omnia Vincit;" T. B., Poultry; B. H., Bedford ; Coward; Step It!
G. R., Camden-square; F. H., Manchester ; Cantab, Wimbledon ; Simplé DANCING, in connection with comic singing, is so alarmingly on the
| Simon; D. M., Glasgow; J. W., Newcastle; J. C., Praed-street; Asinus; increase in the theatres and music-hals, that it will soon become Honey; A. H., Donnington; T. D., Peckham; T. Ó., Clapham; E. C.;
comic singing, 18 so alarmingly, on the A. B. C. D. E. K., Crystal Palace ; Boots ; J. H., Hastings; Lorenzo necessary to insert the proviso in the programmes-“ Wind permitting." G.S.; Constant Reader.
THE GRAND VOLUNTEER BALL.
| was in state, though I should have thought 'the sword-bearer would
have been with him. It would have been great fun to have seen him Miss Bertha Green to Miss Peplum Brown.
dancing in uniform, though I don't think it could have been much
CLAPHAM, SATURDAY. more ridiculous than some of the ladies, and a good deal more modest ! MY DEAREST PEPPY,- I went: and how shall I ever be able to tell For I declare dear, I was quite ashamed of some of them, they were so you all about it? I quite dread to-morrow, for I can't get it all out of very dècolletée, and I made CHARLES take me away to have some my head, the lights, and the music, and the flowers, and the chandeliers supper. Oh, such a great supper-room, where they had laid out a -it was like ALADDIN's cave after he'd rubbed the lamp, you know, splendid supper for goodness knows how many people— thousands, I dear, except that it's all gas, and wherever you went there was a should think, and there were so very few people to eat it, that we looking-glass, and whenever you looked in it there was a blaze like had every luxury, dear, I assure you, and CHARLES went and spoke millions of Koh-i-noors; and ices all the evening-at least I had, to Mr. Hand himself about some grouse and iced champagne. though whether he paid for them or not I don't know. For of course I think I wanted my supper, for I didn't mind the shameful imI went with him, dear. We managed it so nicely, or I never should propriety of the persons who dressed in that way so much afterwards, have been allowed to leave the house. They all thought I was going to but still, how they can do so is astounding to me. I thought it would the Orotorio, and as they don't read the supplement to the Times, they be crowded; but it was very select, or else of course the LORD MAYOR didn't know that that was the next night, so I went to AUNT PIDGER'S would not have come in state. I was surprised to see so few uniforms at Camden Town, and she knows I'm engaged to CHARLES, and thinks there, but some of them were so very pretty. CHARLES wore his; but him a very seriously disposed young man. She was quite agreeable to he had the collar turned back and lined with green moiré, and wore a our going to the Oratorio, poor old dear, and went off to bed quite white necktie and a turn-over collar with his tunic. It was such a comfortable, leaving the girl to sit up for me till half-past eleven, contrast to see the bright scarlet coats round the LORD Mayor, and CHARLES arranged all that, and it was a quarter past four when I there was such an immense alderman on the dais that I wonder the slipt into bed with oh! such a head-ache, and all my best dress torn Messrs. DETKIES didn't light him up so that we might see him all at out of the gathers because a stupid cavalry officer- at least he was once, for nothing seems too big for them to light, and no place too diessed like one-would dance in spurs. I shall want a new breadth ugly for them to make pretty. I couldn't believe that it was the to put into the skirt, for I was completely trampled upon by a crowd same place where we went to the cattle show, and now it's all over, that stood round to see a sheriff, a vice-admirl, a citizen of honour and the lovely flowers are to be taken down, and the chandelier will and renown like John GILPIN, and the Lokd Mayor himself dance a be sold, and I must never whisper a word about the ball till I'm quadrille. Oh, it was such fun, especially the vice-admiral. You married. It's to be in April, dear.-Yours till then, B. GREEN. should have seen him steer his partner about in ladies chain, and then when, as CHARLES said, he got headway, he completely bore down
Police Intelligence. upon the LORD MAYOR. His Lordship himself was the greatest fun of all, though, for be was dressed in a Court suit, quite tight-I mean the
It has been observed that the detective force of the country, for the suit was, you know, dear, and with black what-do-you-calls and silk
past ten days, has been looking very lack-a-DBABY-KELLY, stockings; and when he stood with his arm akimbo on the raised dais, he looked as though he didn't know whether he was a member of the
How is “the rough” most frequently disguised ?— In liquor. Royal Family, or part of an acting charade or a waxwork. I fancy,
TOTICE-N do you know, that he'd studied the figure of WASHINGTON at MADAME NOTICI Tussaud's, and got up his deportment on that model; but wasn't it
THE FIFTH VOLUME OF THE NEW SERIES. good-natured of the old dear to come in state-- at least I suppose it. Magenta cloth, 4s. 6d.; post free, 5s, Cases for binding, 18. 6d. each.