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OLD PRICE

my 'air.

MRS. BROWN IN AMERICA.

little steamer, as 'ad come to see us off, begun a-wavin' their ’ats and

cheerin', I did feel a little choky, a-thinkin' as I was a-bein' committed How She CAME TO GO THERE.

to the deep, as the sayin' is.

It's all werry well for to call 'em “state rooms” where you sleeps, HAT!" I to BROWN,

for a nice stats the one was in as I were a-goin' to 'ave, and Brown "go off to Merryker the he'd been and give up 'is bed-place to a woman, for lady I won't call'er

, same as that fellow MAN

thro' 'er behaviour, as were reg'lar low-life, for I'd been and took the DERS, in the middle of the underneath bed, as is one atop of another like shelves, and that narrer night, in debt down to the

as turn you can't, not to save your life ; and while my back was turned milkman, as

if that creature didn't get into my bed, and when i went down agin three pounds, and him

was a-snorin' like a 'og. So I says, “ Mum, you'll excuse me, but this with a sick wife and seven

is my bed.” “Oh!” she says, “I'm that awful bad I can't be moved.” hinfants ; as is a country

So I calls the stewardess, as sayg, “ P'raps, Mum, you wouldn't mind I don't 'old with, where

a-takin' the upper berth." I says, “Me climb up there!I says,

a-runnin' they're all

"Never!” Law,” she says, "it's nothink for å springy figger like about in nothink but yourn.” beads and a few feathers,

Well, the wessel were a-beginnin' to roll, and the way as I as ain't common decent;

were pitched about in that cabin, a.comin' sich cracks agin the sides a-yellin' of their

on it, so I turned that giddy as I says, "Get to bed I must!” but law, Oops, and flourishin' about the work it were to get me into that place, as I says, “ You may well their Tommy 'awks, as is call it a berth, as 'll be the death of me!” 'and so I thought it would,

for certain death, as I well

many a day (Brown, he couldn't come for to see me, thro' that remembers that pictur' of party as were underneath a-sayin' she were a single woman, and one myself, as did used to

couldn't be seen by no he creeturs), and I don't think as ever I did 'ang over the dinin’-room pass sich a five days, a-takin' next to nothink, and should'ave perished mantelpiece in my fust but for that stewardess, as were a mother to me, and don't think, if place, a-settin'

she hadn't persuaded me, I ever should ’ave come to light agin, as I aunches a-watchin' the did at last, tho' I must say, when I got on deck and sve nothink but a dyin' agonies of General world of waters, it give me a dreadful turn, and a lot of passengers Wolfe, no doubt a-wait- a-walkin' about, and some a-sittin' on chairs, and me that figger, for

in' to dewour 'im afore in my.'urry to get out of that cabin I'd been and forgot to put on he breath were out of 'is body, like a ragin' wultur', and a savage beast as killed CAPTING Cook when 'is back were turned, as is a

I must say the meals is wonderful regʻlar, and that plentiful as cowardly act, and would have done for Robi'son Crusoe, all' but for five times a day is too many for me, tho' parties says as you require it Friday; but what can you expect from a' uninabited island ? as it at sea, but don't seem natural to me. 'Owever they can wash the wasn't no better than when fust discovered, long afore steam were in- things up I can't think, tho’ in course 'avin' the ocean that 'andy is a

convenience. vented, as is a long time to look forurd to, but nothink when it's gone, as is only a wapour arter all.” So Brown, he says, “Do 'old your

(TO continued in our next.) clack, for I'm blest if you won't drive me into the Diworce Court, or Bedlam, or somewheres.” “Well," I says, “MR. Brown, there's your betters as ’ave come to Bedlam through inflictions as is calamaties

LINES, å overtakin' 'em, but as to the Diworce Court, never, for I scorns your

BY CONTRIBUTOR WITH A COLD. words, as ’ave never laboured under no sich amputations as could bring a blush in a' 'onest woman's cheek;" and I was that 'urt as I walked

“ You are waiting for copy of mine,” out of the room in a 'uff, with my feelin's 'urt, and didn't see nothink

So you write, Mr. Editor-pish! you more on 'im till supper; as when it were over, he says to me, “I

Must know that I can't write a line wasn't a-jokin' about 'Merryker, as I'm a-goin' to.”

When I've got such a horrid—a-tischew ! nothink, but I bu'sts into tears. He says, “Hallo! What's up with you ?" So I says, "Brown, I've got a 'art and not a stone in my

Though you know I am suffering so, bussim, as can't think of bein' deserted in the evenin' of my days, and

Yet you'd drive me, you cold-blooded fish, you, left behind the same as that wagabone TITTERTON as left 'er with

To write—but I'd have you to know eight." ." "Well,” says Brown, "any'ow, I can't leave you with eight,

I consider your conduct-a-tischew old gal.” I says,

Brown, it's 'ard to jest when the 'art's a-breakin'.”

So no copy from a will you get, He says, “I 'adn't no thoughts of leavin' you behind, old gal, if

Though the wait of it thoroughly dish you ;you've the pluck to come.” “Well,” I says, "I did 'ope to ’ave died

'Tis useless to fume and to fret, in a Christshin country, and been berried in my own natural symmetry,

I don't care a single-a-tischew ! as the sayin' is; but," I says, “ if you're a-goin' over there I'll foller, if it's to death's door, as the sayin' is.". « Well," he says,

“I thought

Such a cold as I have in my head as you'd come, if it was only to see Joe.”

" What!” I says,

'Twould be really cruel to wish you :

So I won't be a brute, but, instead, you a-goin' near him? Then I'll go too." “ Well," he says, " there's the sea to be thought on, as is a trial,

I will wish you-a-tischew-A-TISCHEW! partic'ler at your age.” “Well," I says, “as to age, I'm younger than a many as ’ave gone, for look at Mrs. WHEELER, os were over eighty, and went reg'lar to Margate erery year.

"Ah!" he says,

Literary Note. "you don't know what the sea is." I says, “ Don't I, tho'?” as

A NEW organ of Irish opinions has been started in London, under certinly is not a life I should ever 'ave took to, tho' females 'as been the title of the Gael. Well! we know Pat is not averse from "a known to go for sailors, but in general thro' disappointed love, the breeze," so it may blow the proprietors some good.

as that young gal in 'William Taylor,' as must have looked werty foolish when diecovered by the Capting afore all the crew." So Brown he says, " Well, you may go for a sailor if you like, but

Fishy. I don't think as it would suit you.” I says, “None of your jeers, but It may interest our country readers to learn that Holborn do talk serious," and 80 he did, and if he wasn't a-goin' to start that recently been partially gutted—in fact, has lost its Row. wery Saturday next as were a-comin', and me not a thing ready, and here was Saturday night. 'Owever I did get ready I don't know, but

Musical and Legal. ready I was by that Friday, as put Mrs. CHALLin out, me a-startin'

The gentlemen of the legal profession are not, we believe, very much on a Friday, as I says “Rubbish!" and off we goes to Liverpool. It certingly did give me a turn when we was bein' took aboard the given to vocal or instrumental composition, but we suppose that were

a lawyer to compose a piece," he would write it in 6-8 time. steamer in a little one as were that crowded it's a mercy we didn't go far in it or upset we should 'ave been. When we got aboard the big steamer it certinly were wonderful for size, and I says to Brown as I

A Query for Mr. Halli-well. didn't beliere as she could be moved; but law bless you! the bell SHAKESPEARE says, “ All's well that ends well.” Must we not con. rung, and we was off like nothink; and when the parties aboard the sider Han-well and Bride-well exceptions to this rule ?

So I says

" Are

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“ Twelve years blackhole, I say,

Where daylight never flashes; And always twice a day

Five hundred thousand lashes !” But Joseph had à mate,

A sailor stout and lusty, A man of low estate,

But singularly trusty.

No pa

OR,
The first Lord's Daughter.

TAR but poorly prized

Long, shambling, and unsightly, Thrashed, bullied, and despised,

Was wretched Joe GOLIGHTLY. He bore a workhouse brand,

or ma had claimed

him,
The Beadle found him, and
The Board of Guardians named

him.
P'raps some princess's son-

A beggar p'raps his mother !
He rather thought the one,

I rather think the other.
He liked his ship at sea,

He loved the salt sea-water;
He worshipped junk, and he
Adored the First Lord's daugh-

ter.
The First Lord's daughter proud,
Snubbed earls and viscourt's

nightly-
She sneered at barts aloud,

And spurned poor Joe Go

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LIGHTLY.

Whene'er he sailed afar

Upon a Channel cruise, he Unpacked his light guitar

And sang this ballad (Boogey).

BALLID.
The moon is on the sea,

Willow !
The wind blows towards the lee,

Willow ! But though y sigh and sob and cry, No Lady Vane for me,

Qatillow !

Says he, “ Cheer hup, young Jue!'

I'll tell you what I'm arter, To that Fust Lord I'll go

And ax him for his darter. " To that Fust Lord I'll go

And say you love her dearly." And Joe said (weeping low),

“I wish you would, sincerely !" That sailor to that Lord

Went, soon as he had landed, And of his own accord

An interview demanded. Says he, with seaman's roll,

"My Captain (wot's a Tartar), Guv Joe twelve years' black hole,

For lovering your darter. " He loves Miss LADY JANE

(I own she is his betters), But if you'll jine them twain,

They'll free him from his fetters. " And if so be as how

You'll let her come a-boardship, I'll take her with me now”

“ Get out!” remarked his Lordship.

She says,
'Twere folly quite,

delillots!
For me to wed a wight,

ad illow!
ül hose lot is cast before the mast :"
And possibly she's right,

Willow!
His Skipper (CAPTAIN JOYCE)

Ho gave liim many a rating,
And almost lost his voice

From thus expostulating:
“ Lay out, you lubber, do!

What's come to that young man, Joe? Belay !-'vast heaving! you !

Do kindly stop that banjo !” “I wish, I do-oh, lor!

You'd shipped aboard a trader : Are you a sailor, or

A negro serenader ?” But still the stricken cad,

Aloft or on his pillow, Howled forth in accents sad

His aggravating " Willow !" Stern love of duty bad

Been Joyce's chiefest beautySays he, “I love that lad,

But duty, damme! duty!”

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CHEZ MOI.
I A sickened of boulders and beauty

Of streamlets that shimmer and bend;
I have done my delights as a duty,

And fought like a fiend with a friend.
Wet, weary, and wayworn with walking

O'er plains full of puddles and pools,
I have tired out ten tongues trying talking

The folly that's fed on by fools.
I have dawdled in dens full of danger,

And risen to rocks like a roe;
I have argued an angel to anger,

Add taken a tourist in tow.
They may talk of Cathay and its cycle,

Where laureate lovers have been ;
I have sat in the chair of Sr. MICHAEL,

And drunk of the well of St. KEYNE.
I have dined like a duke and a dustman,

And fed on red mullets and hake;
If tinless you travel you must, man,

The foibles of fashion forsake.
Don't you know, tho' the proverb is musty,

When in Rome you must live as in Rome;
And, between you and me, I've been crusty,

But now I am happy at home. Hurrah! for the glare and the glitter,

And gaudiness gilded in gas; Hurrah ! for the blessings of bitter,

Its brightness in beakers of Bass!
Hurrah ! for the roar and the rattle

I had left for the lull of the land ;
I would barter contentment and cattle

For the scream and the song of the Strand !
My brains must be beaten to bear it,

Though the pace may be killing at last;
I am longing for gossip to tear it,

And a fiftieth visit to Caste.
Never caring who hates or adores me,

I can mingle the “up” with the "down";
In the country there's plenty that bores me,
I can live when I'm tied to the town.

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RIGHT ON THAT HEAD,

Brooding.
The real home brew'd-The Family Circle.

Mr. Shallowbrain :-"I DON'T WANT TO UNDERPAY YOU, MY MAN !--WHAT I WANT IS A SIMPLE UNDERSTANDING"

Cabby :-“YES, YER LOOKED AS IF YER WANTED that."

The Latest Mag.

Answers to Correspondents. A FRIEND, on seeing the title of Mr. TROLLOPE's new magazine, St. Paul's, said that it would be better to call it Ball and Cross, as MR. [We cannot return rejected MSS. or Sketches unless they are accompanied T.'s novels always turn on Society and the Clergy.

by a stamped and directed envelope. We can take no notice of communica

ons with illegible signatures or monograms. ] A Shameful Act.

H. C. (Sheffield) writes :-“I am constantly travelling, and have a

little joke to lay before you, which is, being at Manchester a few days ago, An incendiary has maliciously set fire to the national school-house seeing a lot of bricklayers at work in thin jackets. A new jacket is proposed of Trainboy, near Raphoe, in the county of Donegal. Surely, if a to be made for the

poor workmen for the ensuing winter." We really can't school be needed anywhero, it must be at Train-boy!

see the joke. Perhaps H. C. is concealing a strait waistcoat under his
jacket. The joke seems less cracked than he does.

X, 42.-Forte tu ex-in dog Latin.
Berry Likely!

A. B. (Lee) should show more A-B-Lee-T, if desircus of appearing in An Italian poet has, we are informed, written a poem of 900 lines on our columns. strawberries. We should not like to give berry much for what is not,

Nepas.-Nefandum ! perhaps, worth a straw.

A. LONGFELLOW must be cut short.
The author of "A Dry Joke" wants us to insert it “to give a chap a

little encouragement.” He doesn't want encouragement. "A chap” who The Health of London.

has sufficient courage to put “fellow" as a rhyme for "umbrella," is above The cabmen say that after the first of November there will be a

that! considerable reduction in the diseases of London, as the new Metro

HIRAM (Birmingham).-We're sorry, Hiram, we don't admire 'em-a politan Act will on that day abolish the tizzy-c they have been so long rhyme almost as bad as the sketches,

W. J. M. (Ware.)-Our answer has appeared already, if your signature was legible.

Declined with thanks :-R. M., Bristol ; C. H., Nelson-square; Tizim, An Elaborate One.

Liverpool; H. W., Worcester; Cornelius Crab; É. M., Runcorn; B. B., Why are the two children of parents who frequently visit their off. Beresford-street; R. D. N., Newcastle ; T. C., Arlington-square;

Mrs. P. spring like children without father or mother ?-Because they see them Hyde Park; W. H., Fenchurch-street; J. N., Manchester ; T. 'D., Peckorphan and orphan.

ham; W. W.; W. G.; Ot-in-Tot; F. H. L., North Brixton ; T. R.,

Nazan; “Labor Omnia Vincit;" T. B., Poultry; B. H., Bedford ; Coward; Step It!

G. R., Camden-square; F. H., Manchester ; Cantab, Wimbledon ; Simple DANCING, in connection with comic singing, is so alarmingly on the A. B.'c. D. 'E. K., Crystal Palace; Boots; J. H., Hastings ; Lorenzo

Simon; D. M., Glasgow; J. W., Newcastle; J. C., Praed-street; Asinus; increase in the theatres and music-haŭs, that it will soon become Honey; A. H., Donningion ; T. D., Peckham; T. Ó., Clapham; E. C.; necessary to insert the proviso in the programmes-“Wind permitting." G.S.; Constant Reader.

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THE GRAND VOLUNTEER BALL.

was in state, though I should have thought the sword-bearer would

have been with him. It would have been great fun to have seen him Miss Bertha Green to Miss Peplum Brown.

dancing in uniform, though I don't think it could have been much CLAPHAM, SATURDAY.

more ridiculous than some of the ladies, and a good deal more modest ! MY DEAREST PEPPY, I went: and how shall I ever be able to tell For I declare dear, I was quite ashamed of some of them, they were so you all about it? I quite dread to-morrow, for I can't get it all out of very dècolletée, and I made CHARLES take me away to have some my head, the lights, and the music, and the flowers, and the chandeliers supper. Oh, such a great supper-room, where they had laid out a

- it was like ALADDIN's cave after he'd rubbed the lamp, you know, splendid supper for goodness knows how many people—thousands, I dear, except that it's all gas, and wherever you went there was a should think, and there were so very few people to eat it, that we looking-glass, and whenever you looked in it there was a blaze like had every luxury, dear, I assure you, and CHARLES went and spoke millions of Koh-i-noors; and ices all the evening—at least I had, to Mr. Hand himself about some grouse and iced champayne. though whether he paid for them or not I don't know. For of course I think I wanted my supper, for I didn't mind the shameful imI went with him, dear. We managed it so nicely, or I never should propriety of the persons who dressed in that way so much afterwards, have been allowed to leave the house. They all thought I was going to but still, how they can do so is astounding to me. I thought it would the Orotoria, and as they don't read the supplement to the Times, they be crowded; but it was very select, or else of course the LORD MAYOR didn't know that that was the next night, so I went to AUNT Pingere would not have come in state. I was surprised to see so few uniforms at Camden Town, and she knows I'm engaged to Charles, and thinks there, but some of them were so very pretty: CHARLES wore his; but bim a very seriously disposed young man. She was quite agreeable to he had the collar turned back and lined with green moiré, and wore a our going to the Oratorio, poor old dear, and went off to bed quite white necktie and a turn-over collar with his unic. It was such a comfortable, leaving the girl to sit up for me till half-past eleven. contrast to see the bright scarlet coats round the Lord Mayor, and CHARLES arranged all that, and it was a quarter past four when I there was such an immense alderman on the dais that I wonder the slipt into bed with oh! such a head-ache, and all my best dress torn Messrs. Derkjes didn't light him up so that we might see him all at out of the gathers because a stupid cavalry officer-at least he was once, for nothing seems too big for them to light, and no place too dressed like one-would dance in spurs. I shall want a new breadth ugly for them to make pretty. I couldn't believe that it was the to put into the skirt, for I was completely trampled upon by a crowd same place where we went to the cattle show, and now it's all over, that stood round to see a sheriff, a vice-admir:1, a citizen of honour and the lovely flowers are to be taken down, and the chandelier will and renown like John Gupin, and the Lord Mayor himself dance a

be sold, and I must never whisper a word about the l'all till I'm quadrille. Oh, it was such fun, especially the vice-admiral. You married. It's to be in April, dear. - Yours till then, B. GREEN. should have seen him steer his partner about in ladies chain, and then when, as Charles said, he got headway, he completely bore down

Police Intelligence. upon the Loud MAYOR. His Lordship himself was the greatest fun of all, though, for he was dressed in a Court suit, quite tight-I mean the

It has been observed that the detective force of the country, for the suit was, you know, dear, and with black what-do-you-calls and silk past ten days, bas been looking very lack-a-DBaby-Kelly, stockings; and when he stood with his arm akimbo on the raised dais, he looked as though he didn't know whether he was a member of the

How is “the rough" most frequently disguised ?— In liquor. Royal Family, or part of an acting charade or a waxwork. I fancy, do you know, that he'd studied the figure of WASHINGTON at MADAME NOTICE.--Now ready, the Twelfth Half-Yearly Volume of FUN, being Tussaud's, and got up his deportment on that model; but wasn't it

THE FIFTH VOLUME OF THE NEW SERIES, good-natured of the old dear to come in state--at least I suppose it Magenta cloth, 4s. 6d.; post free, 5s, Cases for binding, 18. 6d. each.

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