MRS. BROWN IN AMERICA.

How SHE CAME TO GO THERE.

HAT!" I says to BROWN,
"go off to Merryker the
same as that fellow MAN-
DERS, in the middle of the
night, in debt down to the
milkman, as were over
three pounds, and him
with a sick wife and seven
hinfants; as is a country
I don't 'old with, where
they're all a-runnin'
about in nothink but
beads and a few feathers,
as ain't common decent;
a-yellin' of their
'oops, and flourishin' about
their Tommy 'awks, as is
certain death, as I well
remembers that pictur' of
one myself, as did used to
'ang over the dinin'-room
mantelpiece in my fust
place, a-settin'

on

war

'is

little steamer, as 'ad come to see us off, begun a-wavin' their 'ats and cheerin', I did feel a little choky, a-thinkin' as I was a-bein' committed to the deep, as the sayin' is.

It's all werry well for to call 'em "state rooms" where you sleeps, for a nice stats the one was in as I were a-goin' to 'ave, and BROWN he'd been and give up 'is bed-place to a woman, for lady I won't call 'er, thro' 'er behaviour, as were reg'lar low-life, for I'd been and took the underneath bed, as is one atop of another like shelves, and that narrer as turn you can't, not to save your life; and while my back was turned if that creature didn't get into my bed, and when I went down agin was a-snorin' like a 'og. So I says, "Mum, you'll excuse me, but this is my bed." "Oh!" she says, "I'm that awful bad I can't be moved." a-takin' the upper berth." So I calls the stewardess, as says, "P'raps, Mum, you wouldn't mind I says, "Me climb up there!" I says, "Never!" "Law," she says, "it's nothink for a springy figger like yourn."

I must say the meals is wonderful reg'lar, and that plentiful as five times a day is too many for me, tho' parties says as you require it 'Owever they can wash the at sea, but don't seem natural to me. things up I can't think, tho' in course 'avin' the ocean that 'andy is a continued in our next.)

Well, the wessel were a-beginnin' to roll, and the way as I were pitched about in that cabin, a comin' sich cracks agin the sides on it, so I turned that giddy as I says, "Get to bed I must!" but law, the work it were to get me into that place, as I says, "You may well call it a berth, as 'll be the death of me!" and so I thought it would, for many a day (BROWN, he couldn't come for to see me, thro' that party as were underneath a-sayin' she were a single woman, and couldn't be seen by no he creeturs), and I don't think as ever' I did pass sich a five days, a-takin' next to nothink, and should 'ave perished but for that stewardess, as were a mother to me, and don't think, if she hadn't persuaded me, I ever should 'ave come to light agin, as I aunches a-watchin' the did at last, tho' I must say, when I got on deck and see nothink but a dyin' agonies of GENERAL World of waters, it give me a dreadful turn, and a lot of passengers WOLFE, no doubt a-wait-a-walkin' about, and some a-sittin' on chairs, and me that figger, for in' to dewour 'im afore in my 'urry to get out of that cabin I'd been and forgot to put on he breath were out of 'is body, like a ragin' wultur', and a savage my 'air. beast as killed CAPTING Cook when 'is back were turned, as is a cowardly act, and would have done for ROBI'SON CRUSOE, all but for FRIDAY; but what can you expect from a' uninabited island? as it wasn't no better than when fust discovered, long afore steam were invented, as is a long time to look forurd to, but nothink when it's gone, as is only a wapour arter all." So BROWN, he says, "Do 'old your clack, for I'm blest if you won't drive me into the Diworce Court, or Bedlam, or somewheres." "Well," I says, "MR. BROWN, there's your betters as 'ave come to Bedlam through inflictions as is calamaties a-overtakin' 'em, but as to the Diworce Court, never, for I scorns your words, as 'ave never laboured under no sich amputations as could bring a blush in a' 'onest woman's cheek;" and I was that 'urt as I walked out of the room in a 'uff, with my feelin's 'urt, and didn't see nothink more on 'im till supper; as when it were over, he says to me, "I wasn't a-jokin' about 'Merryker, as I'm a-goin' to." So I says nothink, but I bu'sts into tears. He says, "Hallo! What's up with you?" So I says, "BROWN, I've got a 'art and not a stone in my bussim, as can't think of bein' deserted in the evenin' of my days, and left behind the same as that wagabone TITTERTON as left 'er with eight." "Well," says BROWN, "any'ow, I can't leave you with eight, old gal." I says, "BROWN, it's 'ard to jest when the 'art's a-breakin'."

He says, "I 'adn't no thoughts of leavin' you behind, old gal, if you've the pluck to come." "Well," I says, "I did 'ope to 'ave died in a Christshin country, and been berried in my own natural symmetry, as the sayin' is; but," I says, "if you're a-goin' over there I'll foller, if it's to death's door, as the sayin' is." "Well," he says, "I thought "What!" I says, as you'd come, if it was only to see JOE." you a-goin' near him? Then I'll go too."

"Are

"Well," he says, "there's the sea to be thought on, as is a trial, partic'ler at your age." "Well," I says, "as to age, I'm younger than a many as 'ave gone, for look at MRS. WHEELER, as were over eighty, and went reg'lar to Margate every year." "Ah!" he says, "you don't know what the sea is." I says, "Don't I, tho'?" as certinly is not a life I should ever 'ave took to, tho' females 'as been known to go for sailors, but in general thro' disappointed love, the same as that young gal in 'William Taylor,' as must have looked werry foolish when discovered by the Capting afore all the crew."

So BROWN he says, "Well, you may go for a sailor if you like, but I don't think as it would suit you." I says, "None of your jeers, but do talk serious," and so he did, and if he wasn't a-goin' to start that werry Saturday next as were a-comin', and me not a thing ready, and here was Saturday night. 'Owever I did get ready I don't know, but ready I was by that Friday, as put MRS. CHALLIN out, me a-startin' on a Friday, as I says "Rubbish!" and off we goes to Liverpool. It certingly did give me a turn when we was bein' took aboard the steamer in a little one as were that crowded it's a mercy we didn't go far in it or upset we should 'ave been. When we got aboard the big steamer it certinly were wonderful for size, and I says to BROWN as I didn't believe as she could be moved; but law bless you! the bell rung, and we was off like nothink; and when the parties aboard the

convenience.

(To

LINES,

CONTRIBUTOR WITH A COLD.

"You are waiting for copy of mine,"
So you write, MR. EDITOR-pish! you
Must know that I can't write a line
When I've got such a horrid-a-tischew!

Though you know I am suffering so,

Yet you'd drive me, you cold-blooded fish, you,
To write-but I'd have you to know

I consider your conduct-a-tischew

So no copy from will you get,

Though the wt of it thoroughly dish you ;'Tis useless to fume and to fret,

I don't care a single-a-tischew!

Such a cold as I have in my head
"Twould be really cruel to wish you :-
So I won't be a brute, but, instead,

I will wish you-a-tischew-A-TISCHEW!