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CHEZ MOI.
I al sickened of boulders and beauty

Of streamlets that shimmer and bend;
I have done my delights as a duty,

And fought like a fiend with a friend.
Wet, weary, and wayworn with walking

O'er plains full of puddles and pools,
I have tired out ten tongues trying talking

The folly that's fed on by fools.
I have dawdled in dens full of danger,

And risen to rocks like a roe;
I have argued an angel to anger,

And taken a tourist in tow.
They may talk of Cathay and its cycle,

Where laureate lovers bave been ;
I have sat in the chair of Sr. MICHAEL,

And drunk of the well of St. KEYNE.
I have dined like a duke and a dustman,

And fed on red mullets and hake;
If tinless you travel you must, man,

The foibles of fashion forsake.
Don't you know, tho' the proverb is musty,

When in Rome you must live as in Rome;
And, between you and me, I've been crusty,

But now I am happy at home. Hurrah! for the glare and the glitter,

And gaudiness gilded in gas; Hurrah ! for the blessings of bitter,

Its brightness in beakers of Bass!
Hurrah ! for the roar and the rattle

I had left for the lull of the land ;
I would barter contentment and cattle

For the scream and the song of the Strand !
My brains must be beaten to bear it,

Though the pace may be killing at last;
I am longing for gossip to tear it,

And a fiftieth visit to Caste.
Never caring who bates or adores me,

I can mingle the “up” with the "down";
In the country there's plenty that bores me,

I can live when I'm tied to the town.

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Brooding.
The real home brew'dThe Family Circle.

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The Latest Mag.

Answers to Correspondents. A FRIEND, on seeing the title of MR. TROLLOPE's new magazine, St. Paul's, said that it would be better to call it Ball and Cross, as MR. [We cannot return rejected MSS. or Sketches unless they are accompanied T.'s novels always turn on Society and the Clergy.

by a stamped and directed envelope. We can take no notice of communica

ons with illegible signatures or monograms.) A Shameful Act.

H. C. (Sheffield) writes :-"I am constantly travelling, and have a

little joke to lay before you, which is, being at Manchester a few days ago, An incendiary has maliciously set fire to the national school-house seeing a lot of bricklayers at work in thin jackets. A now jacket is proposed of Trainboy, near Raphoe, in the county of Donegal. Surely, if a to be made for the poor workmen for the ensuing winter.". We really can't school be needed anywhero, it must be at Train-boy!

see the joke. Perhaps H. C. is concealing a strait waistcoat under his
jacket. The joke seems less cracked than he does.

X, 42.–Forte tu ex-in dog Latin.
Berry Likely!

A. B. (Lee) should show more A-B-Lee-T, if desircus of appearing in An Italian poet has, we are informed, written a poem of 900 lines on our columns. strawberries. We sbould not like to give berry much for what is not, NEPAS.-Nefandum ! perhaps, worth a straw.

A. LONGFELLOW must be cut short.
The author of "A Dry Joke" wants us to insert it "to give a chap a

little encouragement.' He doesn't want encouragement. "A chap” who The Health of London.

has sufficient courage to put "fellow" as a rhyme for "umbrella," is above The cabmen say that after the first of November there will be a

that! considerable reduction in the diseases of London, as the new Metro- rhyme almost as bad as the sketches.

HIRAM (Birmingham):—We're sorry, Hiram, we don't admire 'em-a politan Act will on that day abolish the tizzy-c they have been so long

W. J. M. (Ware.)–Our answer has appeared already, if your signature afflicted with.

was legible. An Elaborate One.

Declined with thanks :-R. M., Bristol ; C. H., Neleon-square; Tizim,

Liverpool; H. W., Worcester; Cornelius Crab; E. M., Runcorn; B. B., Why are the two children of parents who frequently visit their off- Beresford-street; R. D. N., Newcastle; T. C., Arlington-square; Mrs.P., spring like children without father or mother ?-Because they see them Hyde Park; W. H., Fenchurch-street; J. N., Manchester; T. 'D., Peckorphan and orphan.

ham; W. W.; W.' G.; Ot-in-Tot; F. H. L., North_Brixton; T. R.,

Nazan; “Labor Omnia Vincit;' T. B., Poultry; B. H., Bedford ; Coward; Step It!

G. R., Camden-square; F. H., Manchester ; Cantab, Wimbledon ; Simple DANCING, in connection with comic singing, is so alarmingly on the A. B.'c. D. 'E. K., Crystal Palace ; Boots ; J. H., Hastings; Lorenzo

Simon; D. M., Glasgow ; J. W., Newcastle; J. C., Praed-street; Asinus ; increase in the theatres and music-hals, that it will soon become Honey; A. H., Donningion; T. D., Peckham; T. Ó., Clapham; E. C.; necessary to insert the proviso in the programmes" Wind permitting." G.S.; Constant Reader.

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THE GRAND VOLUNTEER BALL.

was in state, though I should have thought 'the sword-bearer would

have been with him. It would have been great fun to have seen him Miss Bertha Green to Miss Peplum Brown.

dancing in uniform, though I don't think it could have been much

CLAPHAM, SATURDAY. more ridiculous than some of the ladies, and a good deal more modest ! My Dearest Peppy, I went: and how shall I ever be able to tell For I declare dear, I was quite ashamed of some of them, they were so you all about it? I quite dread to-morrow, for I can't get it all out of very dècolletée, and I made Charles take me away to have some my head, the lights, and the music, and the flowers, and the chandeliers supper. Oh, such a great supper-room, where they had laid out a

- it was like Aladdin's cave after he'd rubbed the lamp, you know, splendid supper for goodness knows how many people-thousands, I dear, except that it's all gas, and wherever you went there was a should think, and there were so very few people to eat it, that we looking-glass, and whenever you looked in it there was a blaze like had every luxury, dear, I assure you, and CHARLES went and spoke millions of Koh-i-noors; and ices all the evening-at least I had, to Mr. Hann himself about some grouse and iced champagne. though whether he paid for them or not I don't know. For of course I think I wanted my supper, for I didn't mind the shameful imI went with him, dear. We managed it so nicely, or I never should propriety of the persons who dressed in that way so much afterwards, have been allowed to leave the house. They all thought I was going to but still, how they can do so is astounding to me. I thought it would the Orotorio, and as they don't read the supplement to the Times, they be crowded; but it was very select, or else of course the LokD MAYOR didn't know that that was the next night, so I went to Aunt Pinger's would not have come in state. I was surprised to see so few uniforms at Camden Town, and she knows I'm engaged to Charles, and thinks there, but some of them were so very pretty, Charles wore his; but bim a very seriously disposed young man. She was quite agreeable 10 he had the collar turned back and lined with green moiré, and wore a our going to the Oratorio, poor old dear, and went off to bed quite white necktie and a turn-over collar with his 1unic. It was such a comfortable, leaving the girl to sit up for me till half-past eleven. contrast to see the bright scarlet coats round the Lokd Mayor, and CHARLES arranged all that, and it was a quarter past four when I there was such an immense alderman on the dais that I wonder the slipt into bed with oh! such a head-ache, and all my best dress torn Messrs. Derkies didn't light him up so that we might see him all at out of the gathers because a stupid cavalry officer- at least he was once, for nothing seems too big for them to light, and no place too di essed like one-would dance in spurs. I shall want a new breadth ugly for them to make pretty. I couldn't believe that it was the to put into the skirt, for I was completely trampled upon by a crowd same place where we went to the cattle show, and now it's all over, that stood round to see a sheriff, a vice-admir:1, a citizen of honour and the lovely flowers are to be taken down, and the chandelier will and renown like John GILPIN, and the Lokd Mayor himself dance a be sold, and I nust never whisper a word about the l'all till I'm quadrille. Oh, it was such fun, especially the vice-admiral. You married. It's to be in April, dear. - Yours till then, B. GREEN. should have seen him steer his partner about in ladies chain, and then when, as Charles said, he got headway, he completely bore down

Police Intelligence. upon the Lord MAYOR. His Lordship himself was the greatest fun of all, though, for be was dressed in a Court suit, quite tight-I mean the

It has been observed that the detective force of the country, for the suit was, you know, dear, and with black what-do-you-calls and silk past ten days, bas been looking very lack-a-Deady-KELLY. stockings; and when he stood with his arm akimbo on the raised dais, he looked as though he didn't know whether he was a member of the

How is “the rough" most frequently disguised ?- In liquor. Royal Family, or part of an acting charade or a waxwork. I fancy, do you know, that he'd studied the figure of WASHINGTON at MADAME NOTICE.- Now ready, the Twelfth Half-Yearly Volume of FUN, being Tussaud's, and got up his deportment on that model; but wasn't it

THE FIFTH VOLUME OF THE NEW SERIES. good-natured of the old dear to come in state--at least I suppose it Magenta cloth, 4s. 6d.; post free, 58. Cases for binding, 1s. 6d. cach.

“ To HOPLEY PORTER go,

Your fare I will afford youDeal him a deadly blow

And blessings shall reward you. “But stay—I do not like

Undue assassination, And so, before you strike,

Make this communication : “ I'll give him this one chance

If he'll more gaily bear him, Play croquet, smoke, and dance,

I willingly will spare him." They went, those Minions two,

To Assesmilk-cum-Worter, And told their errand to

The REVEREND HOPLEY PORTER.

Bato

THE RIVAL CURATES.

WIST while the poet trolls

Of Mr. CLAYTON HOOPER,
Who had a cure of souls

At Spiffton-extra-Sooper.
He lived on curds and whey,

And daily sang their praises,
And then he'd go and play

With buttercups and daisies.
Wild croquet HOOPER banned,

And all the sports of Mammon,
He warred with cribbage, and

He exorcised backgammon.
His helmet was a glance

That spoke of holy gladness;
A saintly smile his lance,

His shield a tear of sadness.
His Vicar smiled to see

This armour on him buckled :
With pardonable gleo

He blessed himself and chuckled.
“In mildness to abound

My curate's sole design is,
In all the country round

There's none so mild as mine is!”
And HOOPBR, disinclined

His trumpot to be blowing,
Yet didn't think you'd find

A milder curate going.
A friend arrived one day

At Spiffton-extra-Sooper,
And in this shameful way

He spoke to Mr. Hooper:
“You think your fanious name

For mildness can't be shaken,
That none can blot your fame-

But, HOOPER, you're mistaken!
“ Your mind is not as blank

As that of HOPLEY PORTER
Who holds a curate's rank

At Assesmilk-cum-Worter.
He plays the airy flute,

And looks depressed and blighted,
Doves round about him “toot,'

And lambkins dance delighted.

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“For years I've longed for some

Excuse for this revulsion: Now that excuse has come

I do it on compulsion!!!” He smoked and winked away

This REVEREND HOPLEY POKTERThe deuce there was to pay

At Assesmilk-cum-Worter. And HOOPER holds his ground,

In mildness daily growingThey think him, all around,

The mildest curate going.

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BABINGTON WHITE.

(Air, Allan-a-Dale.)
BABINGTON WHITE has no thought of up-turning;
BABINGTON White for renown has no yearning;
BABINGTON White has no gift for plot-spinning;
But BABINGTON White likes red gold for the winning!
Come read ye the novel; come list to the bite;
And tell me the craft of bold BABINGTON WHITE.
Oh, the authors of England may prance in their pride
If of copyright treaties they keep the safe side;
Oh, French plays for the net—and French fictions for

game,
And “new and original,” too, just the same.
Oh, the dramas and stories that foreigners write
Are free prey for Tom Taylor and BABINGTON WHITE.
BABINGTON WHITE, oh, he shuns human ken,
Though his copy is plenty, and cursive his pen";
BABINGTON White he is not Dumas père,
But many French authors must write him their share,
And the best of them, Balzac, must aid to indite
The chef d'auvre inconnu of our BABINGTON WHITE.
BABINGTON WHite to reviewing has come;
The Pall Mall has taxed him with theft-he is dumb.
“You may call me a pirate," says he, “if you will ;
My line is to keep very dark and be still."
Oh, the critics they asked of the author a sight,
“Don't you wish you may get it?" said BABINGTON

WHITE.
From FBUILLET to steal, and from BALZAC to bone,
Is rather too strong when the debt you don't own!
But vain altogether the hue and the cry,
He laughs and refers to the green in his eye.
But the public still asks, though in accents polite,
“ When the truth will be known about BABINGTON

WHITE ?"

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A la Carte ! A SPECIAL department of the police-office at Moscow is to be established for the collection of photographs cf individuals and objects useful to the officers of the law in pursuit of criminals. The Russians have taken the hint from our police van and are about to establish a police carte.

his money.

Town Talk.

the smallest possible outlay. Well, he is undoubtedly right. He ought to be able to get a sufficiency of food, good and well cooked,

for about half what he gives now. To judge from the success of cheap BY THE SAUNTERER IN SOCIETY.

eating-houses in Glasgow and elsewhere, he might be fed at about eightSome people are never satisfied. MR. ERNEST JONES seems to be one

pence a head, not including the potables. Unluckily, however—as it of that class. At the commencement of the Fenian trials at Man

seems to me—both he and his purveyor want too much for their money. chester he talked a lot of perilous bunkum, tried to interfere with the Purveyor wishes to deal in that politico-economical virtue, but socially course of justice and bully the bench, and then with a final bluster detestable crime—the buying of his meat in the cheapest (and nastiest) threw up his brief, to the damage of the clients who had trusted their market, and the selling of it at the dearest rate. On the other hand, case to him—the damage being not the withdrawal of his advocacy, Clerk wants to be more than fed for fivepenco-he would like clean but the leaving of them without any advocacy at all

, be it understood table-napkins, an immaculate cloth, a toothpick, and silver forks for For all this he was let off more leniently than he deserved by the

Of course there is a rush for the popular remedy press. But he wasn't happy even then; so he wrote what I dare say and salt.

of the day.

Some years ago, the popular panacea was brandy he thought a dignified letter to the Telegraph the other day, “drawing

A short time since it was chlorodyne. Now it is coattention to the fact that prisoners," &c., &c., &c.— as if his own absură operation, and a Co-operative Clerks' Dining-room is the proposed conduct had not attracted attention enough to the matter. However, heal-all. It remains to be seen whether Clericus Britannicus is a only one writer condescended to notice the epistle. I am opposed tó gregarious bird. I think not! The Duke of Blankshire will join a Trades' Unionism, and to that form of it which was described in company in which ever so many plain Blanks, Esquires, are shareCassell's Magazine the other day as Professional Trades' Unionism;

holders; but whether Clericus with $120 per ann. will consent to cut but I think it is to be regretted that the rules of the Bar cannot visit his tablecloth to suit the measure of Clericus with £50 is a matter of with censure such a freak as that of MR. Jones at Manchester—a freak

dubiety. that I can only explain by supposing that he fancied a bit of claptrap

Parliament, it is rumoured, will assemble early in November. Well

, was not a bad line of policy with a view to standing for somewhere it has plenty to do, so the sooner it meets the better. At present town under the new Reform Bill. I hope and believe that he will prove to continues empty, and the new lamps in Hyde-park can

throw no light be mistaken if this is his idea, and that the new electors will not be so upon anything or anybody. easily led.

Railways and railway literature have an interest for everybody now, The Middlesex Sessions have begun again, and I regret to see that and accordingly I found myself the other day reading the directors

' “JUDGE Payne,” as he is styled (just as people used to talk of the report on a certain branch in connection with the Great Eastern. I Chief Baron” of the Coal Hole), is still allowed to dispense justice. I have seldom met with so amusing, so lugubrious, so candid a publication. fancied the Augusta Mitchell case would be the tailpiece"-to “Your directors regret to announce that they have little of a cheering borrow one of his own terms-of his active judicial career. The British Clerk has been making himself heard this recess. He norrible tale," disclosing how the unsatisfactory position" of the

nature to lay before the present meeting "—and then they unfold 2 proclaims with the tongues of a Hydra that he wants a good dinner at I Great Eastern has kept the branch's traffic in nearly a stationary

66

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position. Poor thing, fancy the anomaly of a stationary traffic! The next

DOUBLE ACROSTIC. bit of comfort is that nearly five hundred and fifty pounds must be got

No. 32. somehow to pay the G. E. Co.; that the branch company, having been pressed by creditors, has had a receiver appointed, and that the deben- Who wrote it's the question we all of us ask, ture interest has not been met "& circumstance which the directors Though the author's been terribly taken to task. very much regret!" The remedy proposed is to try to induce the Have savage reviewers been wasting their blamo, G. E. Co. to“ better develop" the traffic—the returns of which On a shadowy person with only a name? cheeringly show an improvement in the last month or so. Finally, the Though we own that it's shameful so often to trench company has spent nothing for the past half-year-chiefly, it is just For our novels and plays on our neighbours the French possible, because it is “now totally without funds; the capital account, Therefore, remains with very little variation since last report”-with the

1. variation only of zero, that is, I suppose. Such a document is enough

Where the river flows, to sicken people of railway speculation.

'Mid the flow'rs and grasses, To clear off the mags. :- London Society has some very good pictures

With her scarlet hose this month—but with some very poor ones to keep up the average.

Emmelinda passes. “ Thumbnail Studies" are good, but want better printing. One of the best of the small engravings is that to "Mr. Felix in the Stubble,"

Something comes that way,

And on ferns and mosses, by MR. GODDARD, who should put his initials plainly to his work, lest

It, alack-a-day,
G. B., who tries to draw similar subjects, should get the credit of it.

Emmelinda tosses.
Good Words is up to the mark this month, in literature and art.
Especially good is ZWECKER'S “ Reindeer and Sledge," an admirable

2. bit of "tint" engraving. Very charming, too, is the girl's attitude in

The fair KUNIGUNDA HOCHSWILLER, PINWELL'8 illustration to “ Guild Court." The Argosy comes without

We read, had both learning and art, a cut, and is scarcely as good as usual. There is a smack of amateurish

And, better, she boasted some siller, ness about some of the papers that I regret to see-as an instance, take

But still quite untouched was her heart. “Something About a Carousel,” in which the writer says, "Merely

A most egotistioal lady knocked the ring, causing the same to drop on the ground, and an

She was, though a beautiful miss, oath to drop from the equestrian's lips, if he happened to have that

And each lover's prospects were shady's weakness." What weakness ? Lips? The Sunday Magazine com.

In German she chatter'd of this. mences a new volume with great promise. An improved wrapper and

3. a greater number of illustrations are among some of the fresh features. The “Seaboard Parish" is charmingly illustrated. A paper on "The

He holds a potent station, Flight of Birds," by the Duke of ARGYLL, is most interesting, though

In many a congregation. the style is a little jerky at times. “Musings in a Yorkshire Valley

4. is in very bad taste as far as concerns the mention of the Brontes, but "goodypeople don't consider taste a Christian grace, I fancy. “On

Useful in case of a Fenian uprising, Fire about it, by the Rev. W. ARNot, is not, as might appear at

This of a Yankee's ingenious devising:

Very effective in case of a riot, first sight, an article on Arnor's stoves. The Gardener's Magazine and Le Follet appeal to their respective publics as admirably as usual,

If the marauders declined to be quiet. and Routledge's Magazine for Boys maintains its position as the best boys'

5. magazine published.

Since the time that it pluckily gallop'd away, I have received a letter from MessRS. METZLER touching the “Comic

There was ne'er a more wonderful sight: Song Book” I noticed last week. They wish me to state that they

And yet though it's dead, there are wise men who say, knew nothing of its contents, and that their imprint appeared on it

It was seen for some hours t'other night. without their consent. Altogether, the book appears to be one of the most impudent things of the day. I noticed some very charming verses in this month's Belgravia with

ANSWER TO ACROSTIC No. 30. the signature C. S.C., and conjectured that they were by MR.

G Galignani I CALVERLEY. It was a bad shot, for they are the initials of a littératur

Eat of longer standing, MR. CHARLES SMITH CHELTNAM.

N Nina

Earl

Ristori
Something Like a Dedication!

Alma

L Loan Some people are fortunate indeed, and if the dedication we quote below means what it says, the Registrar-General ought to be as happy

CORRECT SOLUTIONS OF ACROSTIC No. 30, RRORIVED OCTOBER 9TH :-Laura G.

Valentine ; Merry Andrew; D. E, H.; Polar; Gyp; Row, Ruby; Xarifa ; Crathes ; as a king:

St. Leonard's; Peri; Peminer.
MAJOR GEORGE GRA I AM,

Boning an Appointment.
BIRTHA,

K188ING goes by favour, and even our civic dignitaries are not abov.

copying the mild jobbery which used to be the chief charm of Governe Cþe, British Empirt,

ment appointments. In old days it was not impossible for a child to be made a superannuated postman (and receive the pension of the office) in his cradle. Some of the Common Council want to perpetrate some

thing of the same sort. The respected keeper of Guildhall being VERY RESPECTFULLY DEDICATED,

about to retire, his office should in all justice and propriety pass to his

second in command, MR. HARLAND, who has for the last eleven years HIS MOST OBEDIENT,

been practically the resident keeper in MR. TEMPLE'S absence. But

the post (with the salary attached) has set the mouths of some of the FAITH YUL BERTANT, CHARLES A. COKE.

Council watering for it, and they are trying to carry it away from MR. We don't know whether Mr. Coke is related to KING COLE of Ken promotion of other officials under him. Fortunately, the standing

HARLAND, and prerent his well-earned promotion, and the consequent sington. If he is, we are less surprised at his regal munificence, for orders, which forbid a member of the Court to be a candidate for one our South Kensington sovereign has for a long time been accustomed of the Courts' offices, ought to disqualify the principal applicant. It to do as he chooses with the national property.

remains to be seen whether the Council will descend to the job, and by

evading the orders proclaim their adherence to the maxim, nil nisi To be Digested at Leisure.

Bone-um. One of those foolhardy freaks, in which people who ought to know better will occasionally indulge, occurred the other evening. A gen

Too Good to be True. tleman, before retiring to rest, had the imprudence to swallow a nightcap. “It's an ill wind that blows nobody good.” If we may credit an On inquiring at his residence we learn that he is as well as-indeed, informant, the wintry blasts we have lately experienced have made the better than might have been expected.

very teeth of the unfortunate inmates of the Dumb Asylum-chatter.

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TO

REGISTRAR-GENERAL

01
DBATH8, AND MARRIAGB8,
FOR ENOLAND AND WALKS.

WITH ITS COLOXIES AND POREION POSSESSIONS

(COMPILED ZA0M OYTICIAL RETURNS),

BY

AND

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