THE Visiting Committee kind Have borne a quadruped in mind. The Visiting Committee might For why? That man the same would do In short, adopt the self-same course Let the Committee then enforce- The notion that the law allows Old Bumble of the brazen brows Rhyme-and Reason? THAT admirable paper, the Clerkenwell News, has relieved our mind of a terrible weight. Taking a retrospect of the literature of the past year, we were shocked to discover that nothing worthy of the name of poetry had appeared in the last twelve months. We had just come to the conclusion that the Muses had deserted England, when, happening to take up our C. N., as we invariably do when we need some new and thrilling sensation, we had our attention arrested, not to say forcibly taken into custody, by this startling announcement: RHYME! RHYME! RHYME! TO Lovers and others.-Verses (original), on any subject, composed and forwarded by post on receipt of as many stamps as lines required. Squibs and Trade Circulars at reasonable charges. "Poeta," etc. The true poet reveals himself in the first few words. How exhaustive is the appeal "To Lovers and others!" Of course, all who are not "lovers are merely "others." Long may they remain so! Long may every votary of CUPID be able to say to the contemner of the passion, "Sir, you are an-other!" And then how business-like, and therefore poetical, is the plain Saxon promise of poems at a penny-a-line. Squibs at reasonable charges, indeed! We don't know what is the proper charge for exploding a squib; but we protest against the use of the word "squib" to describe the coruscations of mind, the iridescence of intellect, the gyrations of genius to which we look forward when "Poeta" shall return us the quid pro quo for our sixpenn'orth of QUEEN's heads! Not by Hook. We are in a position to state that in commemoration of the late Pan-Anglican Sy-nod's-as-good-as-a-wink, the episcopal palace on the banks of the Thames will in future be known as Crook-haven. 'AD no patience with I ain't got nothink to say agin that steamer in fine weather; and as to the capting, he were constant smiles, and when I asked 'im if there was any dangers, only said as he was sure of fine weather with me aboard; but, bless 'is 'art, he were wrong, for that werry night it took to blowin' like mad, and if that underneath woman didn't 'owl like a lunatic, a-sayin' as we should be blowed into hice and perish, or be lost in a fog, as sure enough it did come on werry thick, and they were a-blowin' a whistle like mad nearly all night, as is fearful for to 'ear, and at last I couldn't stand it no longer, so thought as I'd get out of bed and see what was a-goin' on. I 'ung on as well as I could with my arms, a-kickin' about my feet for to rest 'em on the side of the under bed. Well, jest then the wessel give a lurch as sent me nearly a-flyin, but I 'eld on and put my foot down with all my force as come agin something soft as proved to be that woman's face as were a-layin' close agin the hedge of the berth for fresh air. She give sich a shriek as made me let go, and sent me a-flyin' out of the door agin the stewardess as were a-comin' in to see what was up, as I took for some one else, and in my fright 'ollers "Fire!" thro' 'avin' been told as it is safest to call, as brings every one to the spot, as p'raps "Murder" might keep away. It certingly did bring 'em all out of their berths in a jiffey, and you never see sich a sight, and the way as they made a downright thoro'fare of me, as were laying in the passage, as were that narrer as pass they couldn't. If you'd 'eard the names as them passengers called me, as stupid old fool was nothink to, you'd 'ave said as I did, that if there was real fire you'd never give no alarm. I was most 'urt at BROWN as never took it up, though a party come up on deck the next day and says to' im, with me a-sittin' by, "Did you hear the row as some old ass of a woman kicked up last night with a alarm of fire ?" and if BROWN, though he know'd 'twas me as 'ad done it, never took it up, but I was a-goin' to, only jest then they was a 'eavin' of the log as they calls it, and the capting were a-lookin' through a thing as looked like a bit broke off a wheel. I says to a party, "What is he up to?" "A-taking 'is observations," says he. I says, "Oh, indeed," and see 'im a-lookin' 'ard at me. So I says, "I'ope he won't make none of his obserwations to me, as 'ave 'ad quite enough of 'em as is werry uncalled for, I considers." Law! it was dull work aboard that wessel, as I says to one lady, "I wonder they don't stop somewheres on the way, as would break the monotony. "Ah," she says, "there's always danger along the coast of goin' ashore. "Owin," I says, "no doubt to them sailors, as when they gets ashore will get a-drinkin' in low company, but," I says, you might trust me ashore or any steady character." 66 We was a-chattin' away when her 'usband come up as were some sert of missionary, and says, "It's about this werry spot as the Sarah Ann is supposed to 'ave floundered, and every soul aboard perished." I says, "Why ever did they let her flounder, as couldn't have knowed 'ow to swim proper." "Ah," he says, "it were a iceberg." I says, "Why not get out of the way ?" He says, "Bless you, they're as big as Great Britain, and is miles under water, and in a fog you're on 'em in a instant." While he was a-talkin', it were a-gettin' rather foggy, as made me feel queer for the instant; but he went on a-talkin' about all dangers of the sea till at last I says, "It's no use you're a-goin' on like that, for it won't keep off no dangers, and p'rhaps make 'em worse, if they should come." I should have been werry dull but for some of the hofficers as were that pleasant through bein' beknown to BROWN; and I must say as they made me a drink as did more for to get over seasickness than anythink; and one or two of 'em was sweet pretty singers, and would sing of a night like the birds on the trees, though 'ard work, through a thick fog with the whistle a-yellin' every min'it. I don't think as ever I were more glad for anythink than when they said as we should be in next day, though the missionary said as there was great risks; "But," he says, "my mind is made up." "Well," I says, "I don't know nothink about your mind; but your body's well prowided with food let come what may;" for that man downright gorged at every meal, and brought such lots of wittles to his wife, a ugly-lookin' thing, that it's a wonder she wasn't sick even on dry land. We hadn't been none on us werry sociable all the woyage, but the last mornin' we was all like brothers and sisters, and I'm sure lots was that civil, a-sayin' as they'd be proud for to see me in 'Merryker. It certingly is a noble spot that 'Merryker, and the way as they brought that big steamer 'longside the wharf was wonderful; but it was dreadful work gettin' ashore, and as I were a-goin' to 'urry down the gangway, as they calls it, and if they didn't say to me, "Stand out of the way for the males!" I says, "I always thought it were manners to let ladies go fust; but never mind!" but they shoved me on one side, and rushed ashore with a lot of bags as were the letters. I was that scrouged on that deck that I watched my opportunity, and tho' I was reg'lar loaded with two bags and a bandbox, I made a rush for to get down that plank, and some one come behind me with a large sack and sent me a-flyin' down it, and if a man 'adn't ketched me I should 'ave pitched 'ead foremost on to 'Merryker, and a nice dirty place, too, with coal dust over your ankles, and me dressed genteel for landin' in a nice barege, a light blue with a pink stripe, and a white silk shawl as 'ad cleaned equal to new. I'adn't 'ardly got on my feet when a party stops me and says, "Don't come here-go back." So I did, but I says, "Let me put down my parcels," and jest as I was a-speakin' I got a blow from behind as sent me a-kneelin' on my bandbox and reg'lar squashed it. So I says "'Elp!" and if another thing didn't come slap on my back! Says a man, "What are you standin' 'ere for, jest in the way of the luggage?" and up he pulls me, and sure enough I was a-standin' at the bottom of a slidin' plank as they was a-slippin' everythink down. I've felt 'eat in my time, thro' 'avin' often and often stood a whole day ironin' in July, let alone preservin', as is 'ot work; but never did I feel anythink like 'Merryker for 'eat, and no wonder so many on 'em 'ave turned black, as must be reg'lar burnt up. If I set one minit on a packin'-case, a-runnin' down with 'eat jest agin a steam-engine as were like a furnace to my back, I must 'ave set there two 'ours a-waiting for BROWN, as come at last, and blowed me up for bein' in such a 'urry to get ashore, as 'ad stopped and 'ad 'is lunch there in comfort, and me a-droppin' for somethink. I didn't see no 'Merrykins about, but only all English, as were werry perlite; so I says to BROWN, "Where is the natives?" "Why," he says, "all round you, to be sure." "What!" I says, "ain't they wild Injins ?" He says, "No, not all; but here's a savage as says he knows you." And I turned round, and if there wasn't my JoE as I know'd in a-instant, tho' grown stout. I see the tears in his eyes as he said, "Mother, I never thought to see you here."I says, "Thank GOD as I've lived to see you again, my boy." He says, along," he says, and he leads me away, and I couldn't 'elp a few tears at meetin' that dear boy agin. News of the World-For the World. "Come We FAME, it is only too well known, is not warranted to last for ever; but twenty years or so is a very short lease of immortality. Sighs" might have counted on being remembered for at least twice that should have been inclined to think that the author of the "Bridge of term. Imagine our surprise, then, to meet with the following paragraph in the leading article of The News of the World! having the finger of suspicion directed against him; therefore take him up tenderly, "The man in your custody is simply an unfortunate person, unfortunate in as the poet Longfellow singeth, and treat him (as another authority adviseth anglers with regard to the fish upon their hook) as though you loved him." Won't some enterprising publisher engage the editor of the N. of the W. to superintend the production of a new edition of the Poets? |