Page images
PDF
EPUB
[graphic][merged small][merged small][merged small]

The notion that the law allows
Old Bumble of the brazen brows
To drive and starve without remorse
The Pauper—and the Workhouse Horse

a

[ocr errors]

THE WORKHOUSE HORSE. “ HOLIDAY FOR WORKHOUSE Horse.—The Visiting Committee recommended that the workhouse horse be sent to grass for six weeks. It appeared that not only had the poor horse been over worked, but there was reason for believing it had be-n deprived of its proper amount of food. The recommendation was adopted.” - Vide Marylebone Mercury.

The Visiting Committee kind
Have borne a quadruped in mind.
The animal had been o'erworked-
Had had, too, his allowance sbirked.
The Visiting Committee vowed
Such doings should not be allowed,
And so six weeks of grass and gorse
They ordered for the Workhouse Horse
The Visiting Committee might
On other questions throw a light.
Who was it that kept back the feed
And starved the uncomplaining steed ?
Who was it overworked the nag,
And made his weary sinews flag?
Let the Committee name the source
Of all the wrongs of Workhouse Horse !
For why? That man the same would do
By four-legged animals and two;
Would deal short rations forth toke-
Think water'd skilly but a joke
And extra hours at stones and oakum
Extort for skillium et tokum-
In short, adopt the self-same course
With pauper as with Workhouse Horse !
Let the Committee then enforce-
(Public opinion will endorse) —
A punishment which shall divorce
From the official mind so coarse

Rhyme—and Reason? That admirable paper, the Clerkenwell News, has relieved our mind of a terrible weight. Taking a retrospect of the literature of the past year, we were shocked to discover that nothing worthy of the name of poetry had appeared in the last twelve months. We had just come to the conclusion that the Muses had deserted England, when, happening to take up our C. N., as we invariably do when we need some new and thrilling sensation, we had our attention arrested, not to say forcibly taken into custody, by this startling announcement :

RHYME! RHYME! RHYME! To Lovers and others.-- Verses (original), on any subject, composed and forwarded by post on receipt of as many stamps as lines required.

Squibs and Trade Circulars at reasonable charges. “Poeta," etc. The true poet reveals himself in the first few words. How exhaustive is the appeal "To Lovers and others !” Of course, all who are not “loversare merely "others.” Long may they remain so! Loog may every votary of CUPID be able to say to the contemner of the passion, “Sir, you are an-other!” And then how business-like, and therefore poetical, is the plain Saxon promise of poems at a penoy-a-line. Squibs at reasonable charges, indeed! We don't know what is the proper charge for exploding a squib; but we protest against the use of the word “squib" to describe the coruscations of mind, the iridescence of intellect, the gyrations of genius to which we look forward when "Poeta" "shall return us the quid pro quo for our sixpenn'orth of QUEEN's heads!

[ocr errors]

Not by Hook. We are in a position to state that in commemoration of the late Pan-Anglican Sy-nod'8-as-good-as-a-wink, the episcopal palace on the banks of the Thames will in future be known as Crook-haven.

[graphic][ocr errors][merged small][ocr errors][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small]
[ocr errors]
[ocr errors]

W

was

sure

me

[ocr errors]

says, “Why ever did they let her flounder, as couldn't have knowed MRS. BROWN IN IN AMERICA.

’ow to swim proper.” “Åh,” he says, “it were a iceberg." I says, How SHE CAME TO GO THERE.

“Why not get out of the way po' He says, “ Bless you, they're as big (Continued from our last.)

as Great Britain, and is miles under water, and in a fog you're on 'em

in a instant." 'AD no patience with While he was a-talkin', it were a-gettin' rather foggy, as made me that party as 'ad feel queer for the instant; but he went on a-talkin' about all dangers took my bed, for, of the sea till at last I says, “It's no use you're a-goin' on like that, bless you, she'd eat for it won't keep off no dangers, and p'rhaps make 'em worse, if they 'ot ducks and pickles should come.” I should have been werry dull but for some of the with onions and fried hofficers as were that pleasant through bein' beknown to BROWN; and 'am, to say nothink I must say as they made me a drink as did more for to get over seaof fruit and wege- sickness than anythink; and one or two of 'em was sweet pretty tables, and all in 'er singers, and would sing of a night like the birds on the trees, though berth; and when she 'ard work, through a thick fog with the whistle a-yellin' every come on deck, want- min'it. I don't think as ever I were more glad for anythink than ed every one for to when they said as we should be in next day, though the missionary wait on 'er.

said as there was great risks ; “But," ho says, “my mind is I ain't got nothink made up.". to say agin that "Well,” I says, “I don't know nothink about your mind; but your steamer in fine wea- body's well prowided with food let come what may;" for that man ther; and as to the downright gorged at every meal, and brought such lots of wittles to capting, he were con- his wife, a ugly-lookin' thing, that it's a wonder she wasn't sick even stant smiles, and on dry land. when I asked 'im if We hadn't been none on us werry sociable all the woyage, but the there was any dan- last mornin' we was all like brothers and sisters, and I'm sure lots was gers, only said as he that civil, a-sayin' as they'd be proud for to see me in 'Merryker. It

of fine certingly is a noble spot that 'Merryker, and the way as they brought weather with that big steamer 'longside the wharf was wonderful; but it was dreadaboard; but, bless ful work gettin' ashore, and as I were a-goin' to 'urry down the ’is 'art, he were gangway, as they calls it, and if they didn't say to me, "Stand out of wrong,

for that the way for the males!” I says, “ I always thought it were manners werry night it took to let ladies go fust; but never mind!” but they shoved me on one side, to blowin' like mad, and rushed ashore with a lot of bags as were the letters. I was that and if that under- scrouged on that deck that I watched my opportunity, and tho' I was neath woman didn't reg'lar loaded with two bags and a bandbox, I made a rush for to get 'owl like a lunatic, down that plank, and some one come behind me with a large sack and a-sayin' as we should sent me a-flyin' down it, and if a man 'adn't ketched me I should 'ave be blowed into hice pitched 'ead foremost on to 'Merryker, and a nice dirty place, too, with and perish, or be coal dust over your ankles, and me dressed genteel for landin' in a nice lost in a fog, as sure barege, a light blue with a pink stripe, and a white silk shawl as ’ad enough it did come cleaned. equal to now. I'adn't 'ardly got on my feet when a party on werry thick, and stops me and says, "Don't come here-go back.” So I did, but I says, they were a-blowin', “Let me put down my parcels," and jest as I was a-speakin' I got a

a whistle like mad blow from behind as sent me a-kneelin' on my bandbox and reg'lar nearly, all night, as is fearful for to 'ear, and at last I couldn't squashed it. So I says “'Elp!” and if another thing didn't come stand it no longer, so thought as I'd get out of bed and see what was slap on my back! Says a man, “What are you standin' 'ere for, jest a-goin' on. I 'ung on as well as I could with my arms, a-kickin' in the way of the luggage?" and up he pulls me, and sure enough I about my feet for to rest 'em on the side of the under bed. Well, was a-standin' at the bottom of a slidin' plank as they was a-slippin' jest then the wessel give a lurch as sent me nearly a-flyin, but I 'eld everythink down. I've felt 'eat in my time, thro' 'avin' often and on and put my foot down with all my force as come agin something often stood a whole day ironin' in July, let alone preservin', as is 'ot soft as proved to be that woman's face as were a-layin' close agin the work ; but never did I feel anythink like 'Merryker for 'eat, hedge of the berth for fresh air. She give sich a shriek as made me and no wonder so many on 'em 'ave turned black, as must be reg'lar let go, and sent me a-flyin' out of the door agin the stewardess as burnt up. were a-comin' in to see what was up, as I took for some one else, and If I set one minit on a packin’-case, a-runnin' down with 'eat jest in my fright 'ollers Fire!" thro' 'avin' been told as it is safest to call, agin a steam-engine as were like a furnace to my back, I must 'avo as brings every one to the spot, as p'raps “Murder" might keep set there two 'ours a-waiting for Brown, as come at last, and blowed away.

me up for bein' in such a 'urry to get ashore, as 'ad stopped and 'ad It certingly did bring 'em all out of their berths in a jiffey, and you 'is lunch there in comfort, and me a-droppin' for somethink. I didn't never see sich a sight, and the way as they made a downright thoro' fare see no 'Merrykins about, but only all English, as were werry perlite ; of me, as were laying in the passage, as were that narrer as pass they so I says to Brown, "Where is the natives ?”. " Why,” he says, couldn't. If you'd 'eard the names as them passengers called me, as “all round you, to be sure." “What!” I says, “ain't they wild stupid old fool was nothink to, you'd 'ave said as I did, that if there Injins ?” He says, “ No, not all; but here's a savage as says he was real fire you'd never give no alarm. I was most 'urt at Brown as knows you." And I turned round, and if there wasn't my Joe as I never took it up, though a party come up on deck the next day and says know'd in a-instant, tho' grown stout. I see the tears in his eyes as to' im, with me a-sittin' by, “Did you hear the row as some old ass of a he said, “Mother, I never thought to see you here.” _I says, "Thank woman kicked up last night with a alarm of fire ?" and if BROWN, God as I've lived to see you again, my boy.” He says, “Come though he know'd 'twas me as ’ad done it, never took it up, but I was along," he says, and he leads me away, and I couldn't 'elp a few a-goin' to, only jest then they was a 'eavin' of the log as they calls it, tears at meetin' that dear boy agin. and the capting were a-lookin' through a thing as looked like a bit broke off a wheel. I says to a party, "What is he up to?" "A-taking 'is obserwations," says he. I says, “Oh, indeed," and see 'im a-lookin'

News of the World–For the World. 'ard at me. So I says, “I'ope he won't make none of his obserwations

Fame, it is only too well known, is not warranted to last for ever; to me, as ’ave 'ad quite enough of 'em as is werry uncalled for, I considerg."

We

but twenty years or so is a very short lease of immortality. Law! it was dull work aboard that wessel, as I says to one lady, Sighs” might have counted on being remembered for at least twice that

should have been inclined to think that the author of the “Bridge of “I wonder they don't stop somewheres on the way, as would break the term. Imagine our surprise, then, to meet with the following paragraph monotony. “Ah,” she says, " there's always danger along the coast in the leading article of The News of the World !of goin' ashore. "Owin," I says, " no doubt to them sailors, as when they gets ashore will get a-drinkin' in low company, but," I says, having the finger of suspicion directed against him; therefore take him up tenderly,

“The man in your custody is simply an unfortunate person, unfortunate in "you might trust me ashore or any steady character.”

as the poet Longfellow sinceth, and treat him (as another authority adviseth We was a-chattin' away when her 'usband come up as were some anglers with regard to the fish upon their hook) as though you loved him.” sert of missionary, and says, “It's about this werry spot as the Sarah Won't some enterprising publisher engage the editor of the N. of the W. Ann is supposed to 'ave foundered, and every soul aboard perished.” I to superintend the production of a new edition of the Poets ?

[graphic]
[ocr errors]
[ocr errors]

66

[ocr errors]
[merged small][merged small][merged small][graphic][merged small][merged small][merged small][merged small][graphic][subsumed][ocr errors][subsumed][merged small][ocr errors][merged small][merged small][merged small][graphic][ocr errors][merged small]
« PreviousContinue »