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ALL IS NOT GOLD (OR SILVER) THAT GLITTERS. out of the winder. The young cupple bids, and one of the others
Mr. Fun, SIR.-I am that there young man from the country bids, and then I looks hard at the auctioneer, and winks, as much as was made so much game of because of my sayin' that nobody as to say “I'm awake!" and he says, “Did you bid for this?” wouldn't get over me." No more they didn't, except them there “Yes," I says, “I'll bid seventeen shillin's." And then he laughs, music-hall chaps; but I've been regular done, Sir, a-coming along | and says, “ The gentleman there with the lady's offered a pound upon to your office from the Temperance Hotel, where I puts up, at | the sale." Just then in comes another party, and directly he was the back of Cheapside-as I takes my own licker in a wicker bottle inside they draws a curtain that shut us all in, for there was a crowd and drinks in the bedroom after meals. I was ekonymising along of round the door, and before I knew what was being done the lot was having promised my missis (for the best of us is got over by them that knocked down to the new comer. “Come," says I, “that game won't we loves, honours,' and obeys.) to take her home a somethin' from do with me. You'll put that lot up again, for mine was the last bid London, as her wishes took the form of electro-plate for to stand on
of a guinea ;" and the party, as was evidently a gentleman, saya, the sideboard along with our best cbaney. As I say, I was on my
“I've no objection, if there's any dispute.” So away we goes again, way to your office when what should I see in a shop winder but just and the young man, as had been a-consultin' with his wife, says, “I sech an article as would suit to a T, or I should say to a tea, which is mean to have 'em if I can, for I've bought the spoons to match ;" and a jocorous remark suited to your perioddicle. For if it warn’t a sugar I says, “Well, if I don't buy 'em over your head at the price as is basin, a milk-pot, a coffee biggin, a teapot and all to match, as bright
being asked some of these chaps will; you ain't up to 'em, but they as the new shillin's that I'd drawed from the bank that very morning.
don't get over me;" and then there was a lot of bids all at once, and I was a-goin' in to ask the price when I hears somebody a-talking the goods was knocked down. “Would you like to pay for them at loud inside, and a chap at the door says, “The sale closes to-day, and once ?” says the auctioneer to the young feller; but the man as had there's some bargains going, I can tell you.” Now, thinks Í, he come in says, “I beg your pardon, if they belong to anybody they're don't know who I am, and he thinks to get over me; so I winks to
the property of this gentleman (meaning me) as have offered five-andmyself and walks in. There was two or three women there, and half
thirty." There was a regular row, but I sticks to my text, and the a dozen men, three of 'em I was down upon in a minute. I know'd
stranger sticks to me; and out I walks triumphant, a-winkin' to my'em by their hookey noses and by the look out of the corners of their
self, with the goods under my arm in a silk handkercher. eyes, and I winks to myself again, for they was a-takin' in two of the
Well, Sir, I write this from home, which I reached by the night women, and a pale, silly-lookin' feller like one o'clock, a-selling 'em
train. When I opens my handkercher and shows the things to my all sorts o'rubbish. Sometimes they bought a lot themselves, and wife she was upcommonly pleased to be sure, for she thought they was the way they did it was worth looking at, I can tell you. A-pretend. real silver, and they looked it, too; for I forgot to say as they'd been ing'to quarrel who should have it, and a-payin' for it always in even kept spick and span new in that winder under a glass shade. money-half sovereigns or sovereigns, as they handed over to the
How we did laugh, my wife and me, at the way as I'd got over that chap that brought the things round on a waiter. That didn't get over
set at the Mock Auction; for bless you, Sir, I was up to it from the me, though, for, says I to myself, “The money's only Brummagem
very first, and we pictered to ourselves their rage at being done out of counters, or else out of the common till."
their show lot. Sir, let me out with it at once. In the mornin', while There was two or three real han’some things, too, I can tell, and
I was a-shavin', I heard my wife give a scream, and nearly cut my some as I could see bad done duty before and not been cleaned after
chin off. Down I goes, and if the silver service hadn't all turned wards. Thinks I, “dimond cut dimond.” I see now what them
black in the night, as was only zinc and quicksilver. I see it all now. gorgous tea-services is for, and if I don't have my bid and see whether That pale young cupple was in the gang, and they'd got over me, and I can't nick one of them show lots I ain't what I was five or six year
| I don't know as I shall ever come to London any more, but remain ago. So I waits, and presently sure enough in comes the tea-things
A Young MAN IN THE COUNTRY.
Now when they reached the whaling ground,
The Homøopath says he,
Ed, at what you soon shall seo!”
In the midst of a "school" of whales :
Came albof thom dead as nails!
And started for home express ;
Each rushed away to invest
Those warning words of wisdom hear.
This sort of follow troubles very greatly
In distant lands
The travller knowing
Where this is growing,
Some one has written reams about him,
But though renowned for piety,
And tricks in great variety.
OUR LIBRARY TABLE. We have rocaived from MESSES. ROUTLEDGE a batch of books, which we may take as the avant coumør søf the great flood of Christmas literature about to be launched on the devoted heads of the reviewers. Every Boy's Annual, a handsome and attractive volume, may claim to be the first. It abounds in interesting papers on sports as well as science, and there are someudmirable short sketches and stories. Of the longer tales we fike *The Boy Cavaliers" best. “The Orville College Boys” is by Mrs. HENRY Wood, who does not seem to know much about either boys or colleges. We can fancy how many hearty laughs there will be over the passage in which she talks of a master's trencher cap Lhaving two tassels, one over the other," and makes one of hersschoolboys catch up a master's cap in mistake for his own! The majority of the illustrations are excellant, especially the coloured natural history cuts, and the pictures belonging to the burlesques. MR. BURNAND, the author of those burlesques, should have furbished up his Latin a bit before he aired it in the presence of boys fresh from their Latin grammars. It is hardly correct to say « Lictores, amove!” Moreover, Dominus is not a vocative, nor is ferre the imperative of foro. Another capital boy's book is Barford Bridge, by the Rev. H. C. ADAMS, in which boat-races, football, fighting, and cricket take their proper place and interest, and the moral is not too obtrusively displayed. For the smaller folks we find The Multiplication Table in Verse, an attempt to make that nauseous draught palatable, The Old Courtier, the ballad on whose lines “The Fine Old English Gentleman" was built, and Old King Cole, “with which is incorporated" that very old and well-beloved story of the Queen of Hearts and the Tarts. This last is, perhaps, the best as well as most brilliantly illustrated. Original Poems, illustrated, is prettily turned out. Some of the pictures are very charming, but we do not (with all deference to the author of the Family Pen) care about the poems." They are only for children” we shall be told, but that is all the more reason in our opinion that they should be good. It is most important that the child's ear should be trained to an appreciation of verse by faultless rhythm and careful rhyme, and in neither of these respects do Original Poems shine. Last, but not least, in the batch comes a book for us old fogies a cheap edition of the immortal Tristram Shandy. The edition is unmutilated by that judicious editing which in cutting out the naughty passages generally contrives to snip away & great deal of the good with them. We commend the Shandean volume to those who are not acquainted with it, if only that they may perceive, when they have read it, how very much our modern humourists are indebted to STERNR.
According to Pliny,
Who was not a ninny,
But then of the tribes
That Pliny describes,
A drinking-horn ancient, of curious shape
Oft in classical pictures you'll view it,
In the bottom, and used to flow through it
Just try with a funnel to do it!
Writers of weight upon Hindoo mythology,
With this of the universe mete the duration
If I can give yon no more information.
ANSWER TO ACROSTIC No. 31.
T BS A As HORACE, had he lived in this day, would have undoubtedly been
I N T E R one of our honoured contributors, we venture, on behalf of that deceased poet and his latest translator, DR. SMITH, to point out a slip
E RT which the Atheneum has made. The then@um does make slips at times. Recently, when noticing a mention of tubular bridges in a
CORRECT SOLUTIONS or ACROSTIC No. 31, RECEIVED 1677 OCTOBER:-C.R. H.;
Amicus; Returns 54; Froggy; Betsy H.; Merry Andrew; Ruby; Valentine; novel, it spoke as if STEPHENSON'A were the only tubular bridges, quite
D. P. H.: E. D. J. M.; Long Jack; Holdfast; F. R.; 4 Boobies ; M. D. S.; Julia forgetting BRUNEL's. In this instance, the critic says that Dr. SMITH Bunnie P.; A la mode'; Etihw; H. C.; Parkhurst; Varney the V.; Garry; The
Roman: 3 Carshalton Fools; Neptune 22: Ned; Long Firm ; 2 Barnacles; Katie; has mistaken the meaning of “Heu, quoties fidem
Nanny's Pet; The Chichester Cockles; Kate c. H.; Pedro; Gyp; A Gowk; Mutatosque deos flebit,"
Anna L.; C. C. B.; Keg Meg; Rose and Kittie; Head of the Family ; Skelmorhe;
E. M. H.; Borva; Drum; Pal o' Mine; Constance; Muokle Pickle; Exon, Oxon; when he translates it as
«I'm sure I'N Try"Vampyre; Snuff box; Two Clapham Contortionists; " How oft, alack,
Engineers Out of Work: Brick-court; A. B.; Breakside and Hamish; T. S.C.: He'll mourn her troth and gods invoked forsaken."
J. A. W.: The Monaline Lynx: Bundle; 89th; Polar; Bampton Beck; Bravo, Surely our Athenaic friend must see an implied comma after “in- Ned; J. R.; D. E. H.; P. and C. S.; W. S.; Salterns; 3' Bluebottles ; Greensleeve. voked !” Hemforsaken-will mourn her troth and the gods he invoked. If he were not forsaken, he would have no reason to lament either the
Another Suffering Manager! invoked gods or her troth. Oh, classical criticism, what nonsense is MR. WEBSTER is not the only ill-used manager. We have it on the perpetrated in thy name! A scholar would have seen that “mutatos" best authority that MR. WEBSTER's neighbour, the Manager of the applied both to “deos” and to "fidem,” and that Dr. SMITH, by giving Lyceum, is being shamefully used. We are assured that poor MR. the effect of those changes on the mourner, met the difficulty in FECHTER, having engaged a "scratch” company, is Clawed nightly in the best possible manner admitted by our English construction. his own theatre.
ON THE PIER. First awful little quiz (totally unaware of the proximity of little Binks) :-“ DON'T YOU KNOW THE ONE I MEAN? THAT ODIOUS LITTLE WRETCH WITH THE PUG NOSE AND BYEGLASS !”
Second ditto, ditto, ditto :-“Oh, I KNOW NOW! YOU MBAN THAT HORRID, SMOKE-DRIED, LITTLE SHRIMP, THAT POSES HIMSELF AT THE END OF THE PIER WITH HIS GLASS IN HIS EYE, AS IF HE WBRE LOOKING FOR HIS NURSB. WE CALL HIM THE TADPOLE !".
[Binks feels ecstatic.
FROM OUR STALL.
to. PROFESSOR PEPPER, in a lecture on the Paris Exhibition, tells us An actor of great American celebrity, Mr. John S. CLARKE, is now
that jewellery is now made by machinery at less than half the former playing at the St. James's Theatre in a new edition of Mr. STIRLING
cost.We shall yet live to see gold bracelets and earrings voted CoYNE's Everybody's Friend. The piece is not a great piece-in fact,
common and vulgar. An effectively painted Rhenish panorama, it is rather the reverse; but Mr. SOTHERN and MR. JEFFERSON have
Lurley by name, is included in the Polytechnic's list of entertainalready proved that the success of an individual performer (if the
ments. performer happens to be a fine one) depends very little on the merits of the play in which he makes his appearance. We certainly cannot
The State of Ireland. speak well of A Widow Hunt; it is tediously conversational. Of MR. We are rather alarmed over here in England at the state of things CLARKE, however, we can speak in high terms. He has a splendidly revealed by the late Fenian outrage at Manchester. What should we expressive countenance, which he works to perfection: his voice is do if we lived in Ireland ? We have just read in Saunders's News Letter like JOHN PARRY's, and has John PARRY's funny and pleasant lisp. an announcement which fills us with apprehension. It would seem The American accent is hardly discernible. We are anxious to see that the most terrible excesses pass unnoticed in Dublin on account of MR. CLARKE in a better piece than A Widow Hunt. Messrs. IRVING their frequency. Murder must reckon for little where flaying-even and BLAKE support the leading comedian creditably; the female parts of women-is a common practice, and that it is so we gather from the are played by Misses ADA CAVENDISH, BUFton, and SOPHIE LARKIN— advertisement of a large furrier, who winds up his notice about the of whom the last is the cleverest, though the first is clever, and the mounting and trimming of furs with this blood-chilling sentence :second cleverer. The comedy is nicely put upon the stage, with MR.
“Ladies may depend on getting their own skins back." FREDERICK FENTON's scenery, and on the night of the first performance the house was pretty full and enthusiastic. A newly-adapted farce by MR. MADDIBON MORTON has been produced
Epigram. at the Olympic, under the title of The Two Puddifoots. MR. WIGAN “A LADY robbed recently in Westminster Abbey, complained of her loss to the does all that he can with it, and so does MR. ADDISON. A MR. ROBSON verger, who merely said, 'Oh, that is very likely; ladies should not carry purses in
| places like this.'"-Vide Papers. also takes part in the trifle; he is not like the other Mr. Robson in anything but the name. M188 FARREN and Miss MARIA HARRIS have
A Pan-Anglican Synod again should assemble little to do, but they do it very well. By the way, it is nearly time
The Establishment's honour to clear from this smirch; for the Olympic to change its bills a little. People who admire
Pious ladies—small wonder !- will learn with a tremble CHARLES MATHEWS (and their name is Legion, for they are many)
“They'll be robbed if they carry a purse into church.” will have no objection to see him play some of his old Lyceum parts again.
ALL THE DIFFERENCE.—Port wine leaves its mark on the nose; The Polytechnic has altered its programme, and is well worth going water-on a Bank note.