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First awful little quiz (totally unaware of the proximity of little Binks) :-"DON'T YOU KNOW THE ONE I MEAN? THAT ODIOUS LITTLE WRETCH WITH THE PUG NOSE AND EYEGLASS!" Second ditto, ditto, ditto :-"OH, I KNOW NOW! YOU MEAN THAT HORRID, SMOKE-DRIED, LITTLE SHRIMP, THAT POSES HIMSELF AT THE END OF THE PIER WITH HIS GLASS IN HIS EYE, AS IF HE WERE LOOKING FOR HIS NURSE. WE CALL HIM THE TADPOLE!"

FROM OUR STALL.

AN actor of great American celebrity, MR. JOHN S. CLARKE, is now playing at the St. James's Theatre in a new edition of MR. STIRLING COYNE'S Everybody's Friend. The piece is not a great piece-in fact, it is rather the reverse; but MR. SOTHERN and MR. JEFFERSON have already proved that the success of an individual performer (if the performer happens to be a fine one) depends very little on the merits of the play in which he makes his appearance. We certainly cannot speak well of A Widow Hunt; it is tediously conversational. Of MR. CLARKE, however, we can speak in high terms. He has a splendidly expressive countenance, which he works to perfection: his voice is like JOHN PARRY's, and has JOHN PARRY's funny and pleasant lisp. The American accent is hardly discernible. We are anxious to see MR. CLARKE in a better piece than A Widow Hunt. MESSRS. IRVING and BLAKE support the leading comedian creditably; the female parts are played by MISSES ADA CAVENDISH, BUFTON, and SOPHIE LARKINof whom the last is the cleverest, though the first is clever, and the second cleverer. The comedy is nicely put upon the stage, with MR. FREDERICK FENTON's scenery, and on the night of the first performance the house was pretty full and enthusiastic.

A newly-adapted farce by MR. MADDISON MORTON has been produced at the Olympic, under the title of The Two Puddifoots. MR. WIGAN does all that he can with it, and so does MR. ADDISON. A MR. ROBSON also takes part in the trifle; he is not like the other MR. ROBSON in anything but the name. MISS FARREN and MISS MARIA HARRIS have little to do, but they do it very well. By the way, it is nearly time for the Olympic to change its bills a little. People who admire CHARLES MATHEWS (and their name is Legion, for they are many) will have no objection to see him play some of his old Lyceum parts again.

The Polytechnic has altered its programme, and is well worth going

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WE are rather alarmed over here in England at the state of things revealed by the late Fenian outrage at Manchester. What should we do if we lived in Ireland? We have just read in Saunders's News Letter an announcement which fills us with apprehension. It would seem that the most terrible excesses pass unnoticed in Dublin on account of their frequency. Murder must reckon for little where flaying-even of women-is a common practice, and that it is so we gather from the advertisement of a large furrier, who winds up his notice about the mounting and trimming of furs with this blood-chilling sentence:"Ladies may depend on getting their own skins back."

Epigram.

"A LADY robbed recently in Westminster Abbey, complained of her loss to the verger, who merely said, 'Oh, that is very likely; ladies should not carry purses in places like this.""-Vide Papers.

A Pan-Anglican Synod again should assemble

The Establishment's honour to clear from this smirch; Pious ladies-small wonder!-will learn with a tremble "They'll be robbed if they carry a purse into church."

ALL THE DIFFERENCE.-Port wine leaves its mark on the nose; water-on a Bank note.

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MRS. BROWN IN AMERICA. HER IMPRESSIONS OF NEW YORK.

I DON'T think as ever I were more thankful in my life than when I found myself safe and sound in a comfortable room in a decent house; but I says to JoE, "My dear boy, wherever is your wife and children?" "Oh," he says, "Mother, many miles away from this."

I must say as I felt 'urt at it's not bein' Joe's own 'ome, though not a comfortable place, and a old black womana-cookin', as give us some tea; but law bless you the rum things as they 'ad along with tea, for there was oysters and fried taters, and love-apples, and coweumbers, and all manner, let alone lamb chops and beef steaks as was cut werry odd. I 'adn't no much appetite, and the place seemed to turn me round and I was werry nigh upset the first thing when I got into the room, for he says, "Set down 'ere, mother," and I set down, and if the chair didn't give way back'ards with me, as proved to be its nater thro' bein' a rockin' chair. I give sich a scream, for my 'eels flew up, and even JOE couldn't help laughing. It was a many days afore I could get used to their ways and wittles. They eats a lot of what they calls corn, as ain't a bit like any corn as ever I see, tho' I did used once to keep fowls, and rubbits too, as used to feed on it. I don't 'old with their tea, and as to the cold water they're a drinkin' constant, if I was to give in to it I should soon be brought to a watery grave. But no wonder they drinks, for of all the 'eat as ever I did feel; it beat ovens 'oller; and as to the gnats they're as ferocious as tigers, adewourin' you, as is the reason they calls 'em muskeeters, no doubt, as was always desperate characters, we all know, as they tries to ketch with nets over the bed; as is downright foolishness, for I'm sure there was lots on 'em inside the net as were round my bed, and not one on 'em was ketched, and you never see sich a figger as I went down to breakfast, reg'lar bunged-up, and that irritatin' as made me scratch myself raw. The old nigger woman she told me as there was papers for smokin' 'em out of the beds, so I says to 'er, "I knows what will settle 'em, the same as I've 'eard say in England, as is a little gunpowder," as she said she could get me easy, and so she did, as I made up into a little lump with water and kep it agin night. I did not feel up to much goin' about, so I went to bed early, and there was them muskeeters a-flyin' about, and a lot inside the net as was 'angin' over the bed. So I gets into bed, with my little bit of gunpowder in a saucer. I'd got a lucifer, as I struck a light with it and put it agin the powder, as were damped; but law bless you, I never did; it flared up like mad, knocked me backwards in the bed, and set that there net in a blaze. I hollered fire, and rolled out of bed, a-draggin' that net along with me, and if BROWN and JOE 'adn't come up I must 'ave been brought to a fiery grave, as the sayin' is. What with the shock as it give me, and the eat as upset me, I was werry bad for three days, and little thought as ever I should 'ave come to be nursed by a blackamoor, as was that kind through givin' me a turn atween the lights, and standin' by my bedside and me a-wakin' up sudden after dosin' off through a bad night, and the sun a-settin' that sudden, no doubt through so much water bein about, as put 'im out easy. I don't think as ever I was so jolted up and down as I were in one of them 'buses as runs up Broadway with no conductor behind for to let you in. As I 'ailed one myself a-'oldin' my umbreller, but it's all werry fine for to stop 'em, but 'owever to get in I did not see, for the steps is that 'igh that I couldn't 'ardly reach 'em, and that narrer as there were not no 'old for the foot; and just as I got in at the door if the feller didn't drive on, and I must 'ave pitched back'ard out if I 'adn't pitched for'ard and come with my 'ead fall butt agin the end of the 'bus as would 'ave stunned me if I'd come with my full force, as I were prewented doin', thro' the door a-shettin' with my foot in it as 'eld me back and broke the shock, but pretty nigh broke my ankle too. The way them 'buses dawdles up that street is enough to drive you mad; not as they can get along any faster, for of all the crowdin' and pushin' as ever you see, all a-runnin' one agin another, and nobody couldn't never cross but for the police, as is that perlite a-'andin' you over, with their straw 'ats and nice white gloves.

Of all the ways for to pay your fare in them 'buses it's the most sing'ler, for you 'as to put the money thro' a little 'ole in the top of the 'bus, a-ringing of a bell, as I'm sure they wouldn't never find answer in London, where I've seed parties myself try and cheat the conductor afore 'is werry face, and what they'd do with 'is back turned, goodness knows. There was a party in that 'bus worry civil, as offered for to 'and up my money, but I says, "You must escuse me, but bein' a stranger, I must keep my weather heye up" as made 'im

look rather foolish.

We was a-bumpin' along enough for to loosen every tooth in your 'ead, and a werry nice young gal got in as were that pretty, as certingly most of the 'Merrykens is, I will say, and there was a old feller in the 'bus as I didn't fancy, thro' a-seein' as he'd been and 'ad 'is 'air dyed a deep black, as looks werry ghastly. I see 'im a-heyin' that young gal the same as he'd been a-lookin' at me afore she got in, as kep' 'im at 'is distance with one of my looks. Well, he was a-settin'

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oppersite to that young gal and me, and I see as she were uncasy, and 'im a fidgettin' about 'is feet, and presently he put 'is foot with all 'is force on my tenderest corn, as is a thing I can't abear touched, so I up with the umbreller and I give him a hot one across 'is shins. He says, "What do you mean by that?" "Why," I says, "jest what I've done, and I'll do it agin, you ole waggerbone, as ave been annoyin' this young gal with your feet as I've been a-watchin' you!" He said as he adn't, but the young gal said as he 'ad, so I says, "If you dares to molest either 'er or me I'll call that perliceman as I sees about." Bless you, he was out of the 'bus in a crack, as give me a turn, for they are sich people for to get in and out while the 'bus is movin'; and the young gal told me as there was a good many wagabones as was up to them games in 'buses, so I says, "Let me ketch 'em at it with me, and see if I don't settle 'em pretty quick." As led to a werry unpleasant mistake two days arter; bein' in a 'bus and a old feller oppersite a-movin' his feet about, and me a-thinkin' he was annoyin' the young gal as set next 'im, I give him a wiolent prog on the toe with my umbreller, as proved to be 'is_gouty foot, and the young woman 'is own daughter, and a nice row I got into!

Joy he'd a lot of business as would keep 'im for a week or more, so he says to me, "You'd better go and see some of the sights in New York." I says, "Law, JOE, I don't want to see no sights, as I'm sure them shops up Broadway is sight enough for any one," and would be a lovely street only it don't seem to 'ave no shady side like Cheapside; but a bridge across, as is downright necessary, for it's that dangerous. So JoE he says to me, "Mother, don't you bother with nobody." BROWN he says, "I should like to see your mother not poke 'er nose into other people's business."

I says, "MR. BROWN, I knows my way about, and as to pokin' my nose, never you mind so long as it ain't yourn." "Well," he says, "if you gets into a mess Jos must 'elp you out.'

I says, "JOE is one as 'll succour 'is father and mother, as is 'is duty;" but little did I think of the trouble as I were a-goin' to get into, and all for a trifle, for whatever is six cents, as they calls 'em, and ain't more than a penny as I'ad to pay for a ride in one of them street cars as runs all over the place like a railway without nó engine? I got into one for to go and see a aunt of Joe's wife, as were that friendly as she asked me to spend the day with 'er, and me a-startin' early.

That there nigger woman put me on the car, as wouldn't 'ardly stop for me to get in. I set down, tho' there wasn't 'ardly a seat thro' a lot gettin' in jest arter me, as collared the seats pretty quick. I know'd it was their ways to pay the conductor as walks up and down a-collectin' the money. I 'ad my money ready in my 'and, as were ten cents. Well, a man come along and stood in front of me as I took for the conductor. So I give 'm a dollar-leastways, a bit of s'iled paper as acts for one, thro' their 'avin' used all their gold and silver in the war, a-makin' bullets on it, I suppose, as I considers shameful waste myself, the same as a party I've eard tell about as made sandwiches of bank-notes, as did ought to 'ave been whipped, a 'ussy; Well, this man he didn't say nothink, but takes the money, walks out of the other end, as their cars is open both ends, as makes 'em werry drafty, and must be awful in cold weather. I set there a-waitin' for my change, when up comes another chap, and asks werry rough for my money. I'ad changed my seat once or twice in that car; thro' the draft, one time, and another time 'cos a party were a-spectoratin' that free as I didn't care about it. So I says to the feller, "I paid you-leastways, I give a dollar, and wants my change." "Oh," he says, "I reckon you think as I'm a young 'oss." I says, "You'd better reckon what change you've got to give me out of a dollar, and give it me pretty quick." He says, "I never see your dollar." "Well," says, "I give it to the other." "What other ?'"' says he. "Why," I says, "the other as come and stood afore me." got nothink to do with it; besides," he says, "where's he got to ?" I says, "'Ow should I know? for you're all like a lot of wild beastes, a-'oppin' up and down off the thing afore it stops." He says, "You pay your fare or come out of the ear." I says "I won't." "You must," says he, "for here we stops and turns back." I says, "You're a gang of thieves." "Come out," says he, and pulls at me. I'ollered "Help!" and up come a perliceman, as says, "Pay your fare." I says, "I've paid, and will 'ave my change." Says the conductor, "She's a reg'lar beat; she got on the car and has been a-dodgin' me all about."

I

He says,

"He ain't

Well, there was a crowd, and they come all round, so I thought as I'd give 'em the slip on the quiet, and was a-walkin' off, when that conductor fellow says, "Pay me, or you goes straight off to the station'ouse," as give me a frightful turn, a-knowin' as I might be there for life, and nobody to get me out. So I was a-goin' to pay over agin, when who should I see but my JOE. I'ollers "Jon" as loud as I could scream, and over he comes, and glad I was, as he walked me off, tho' I was aggrawated with 'im for not a-stoppin' to tell them as I were respectable, for their remarks was werry free about me, partik'lar the boys, as seem to me to 'ave as much cheek as if they was bred and born English, as we all knows is dreadful bad-mannered when not kep' in their proper place, as young people did ought to be.

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IN all the towns and cities fair

On Merry England's broad expanse,
No swordsman ever could compare

With THOMAS WINTERBOTTOM HANCE.

The dauntless lad could fairly hew
A silken handkerchief in twain,

Divide a leg of mutton too

And this without unwholesome strain.

On whole half-sheep, with cunning trick,
His sabre sometimes he'd employ-

No bar of lead, however thick,

Had terrors for the stalwart boy.

At Dover daily he'd prepare

To hew and slash, behind, before-
Which aggravated MONSIEUR PIERRE,

Who watched him from the Calais shore.

It caused good PIERRE to swear and dance,
The sight annoyed and vexed him so;

He was the bravest man in France-
He said so, and he ought to know.
"Regardez, donc, ce cochon gros-
Ce polisson! Oh, sacré bleu !
Son sabre, son plomb, et ses gigots!
Comme cela m'ennuye, enfin, mon Dieu

"Il sait que les foulards de soie
Give no retaliating whack-

Les gigots morts n'ont pas de quoi-
Le plomb don't ever hit you back!"

But every day the headstrong lad

Cut lead and mutton more and more,
And every day, poor PIERRE, half mad,
Shrieked loud defiance from his shore.
HANCE had a mother, poor and old,
A simple, harmless, village dame,
Who crowed and clapped as people told
Of WINTERBOTTOM's rising fame.

She said, "I'll be upon the spot
To see my TOMMY's sabre-play;"
And so she left her leafy cot,

And walked to Dover in a day.
PIERRE had a doting mother, who
Had heard of his defiant rage:
His ma was nearly ninety-two,
And rather dressy for her age.

At HANCE's doings every morn,

With sheer delight his mother cried;

And MONSIEUR PIERRE's contemptuous scorn,
Filled his mamma with proper pride.

But HANCE's powers began to fail-
His constitution was not strong-

And PIERRE, who once was stout and hale,
Grew thin from shouting all day long.

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Bal

Their mothers saw them pale and wan, Maternal anguish tore each breast, And so they met to find a plan

To set their offsprings' mind at rest.

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Said MRS. HANCE, "Of course I shrinks
From bloodshed, ma'am, as you're aware,
But still they'd better meet, I thinks."
"Assurèment!" said MADAME PIERRE.

A sunny spot in sunny France

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Was hit upon for this affair; The ground was picked by MRS. HANCE, The stakes were pitched by MADAME PIERRE. Said MRS. H., " Your work you seeGo in my noble boy, and win," "En garde, mon fils!" said MADAME P. "Allons!" "Go on!" "En garde !" "Begin!"

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