His people-twenty-three in sum-
They played the eloquent tum-tum
And lived on scalps served up in rum-
The only sauce they knew.
When first good Bishop Peter came
(For Peter was that bishop's name),
To humour them, he did the same
As they of Rum-ti-foo.

His flock, I've often heard him tell,
(His name was Peter) loved him well,
And summoned by the sound of bell,
In crowds together came.
"Oh, massa, why you go away?
"Oh, Massa Peter, please to stay!"
(They called him Peter people say,
Because it was his name.)

He told them all good boys to be,
And sailed away across the sea,
At London Bridge that Bishop he

Arrived one Tuesday night

And as that night he homeward strode
To his Pan-Anglican abode
He passed along the Borough Road
And saw a gruesome sight.

He saw a crowd assembled round
A person dancing on the ground,

Who straight began to leap and bound

With all his might and main.

To see that dancing man he stopped,

Who twirled and wriggled, skipped and hopped, Then down incontinently dropped

And then sprang up again.

The Bishop chuckled at the sight, "This style of dancing would delight A simple Rum-ti-foozleite,

I'll learn it if I can,

To please the tribe when I get back." He begged the man to teach his knack, 66 Right Reverend Sir, in half a crack!" Replied that dancing man.

The dancing man he worked away
And taught the Bishop every day-
The dancer skipped like any fay-

Good PETER did the same.
The Bishop buckled to his task
With battements, cuts, and pas de basque
(I'll tell you, if you care to ask,
That PETER was his name.)

Bal

A

"We now proceed to something new-
Dance as the PAYNES and LAURIS do,
Like this-one, two-one, two-one, two!"
The Bishop never proud,

But in an overwhelming heat
(His name was PETER, I repeat)
Performed the PAYNE and LAURI feat,
And puffed his thanks aloud.
Another game the dancer planned-
"Just take your ankle in your hand,
And try, my lord, if you can stand-
Your body stiff and stark.

If, when revisiting your see,
You learnt to hop on shore-like me—
The novelty would striking be,
And must attract remark."

·Bab

"No," said the worthy Bishop, "no; That is a length to which, I trow, Colonial Bishops cannot go.

You may express surprise

At finding Bishops deal in pride-
But, if that trick I ever tried,
I should appear undignified
In Rum-ti-foozle's eyes.
"The inhabitants of Rum-ti-foo
Are well-conducted persons, who
Approve a joke as much as you,

And laugh at it as such;
But if they saw their Bishop land,
His leg supported in his hand,

The joke they wouldn't understand"Twould pain them very much!"

Melancholy!

A CORRESPONDENT wishes us to tell him what sort of salad a merman and mermaid hugging each other would be taking. Then, without waiting for an answer, he says, "water-c(a)resses." To aggravate the insult he adds that he is an old soldier himself at dry humour, but sends this to FUN because the latter is a wetter-'un.

A KINGLY CAREER.

WERE I but monarch for a day-
For just one day-of these dominions,
I'd make reforms in such a way,

That there could be no two opinions!
I'd do away with party strife,

Whip Liberal hounds off Tory haunches; And prune with an unsparing knife

Each Government Department's branches.

The poor should be employed and paid,
The workhouse be a home for beadles,
And all the slopsellers be made

To find their workers food-and needles!
Reviewers all should speak the truth,

And pen and ink be locked from fools; And Government should find our youth At once in playgrounds and in schools. Lawyers should really earn their fees,

And doctors keep us well-not ill; And those, who liked, should have their teas, And those, who liked, their beer should swill;

And all religions should be viewed

With rev'rence, tolerance, and fairness;

And Bigotry should ne'er intrude,

And Charity should lose its rareness.

I'd teach each man in that one day

To fear his God and love his neighbour,

I'd all abuses sweep away;

And when night came, to end my labour, And I once more, for great and small,

The Golden Age's dance had led off

I should not feel surprised at all

If they turned round and cut my head off!

Our Sore.

A FEW months ago the RAJAH OF MYSORE spent between seven and ten thousand pounds in celebrating his birthday, and, last summer, a still larger sum on the occasion of his adopting a son. Now, he applies for a grant of thirty thousand to celebrate his investiture with the Star of India. If he goes on in this way he can hardly be surprised if we decline any longer to recognise so extravagant a prince as a MYSORE-ly RAJAH.

The Man for Galway.

LE FOLLET.

We are a little puzzled to see the object of this advertisement :MATRIMONY.-A Gentleman of Independence, aged 25, who can trace, and satisfactorily prove, descent on both sides trom A.D. 1305, desires to meet a Young Lady of moderate fortune, to be retained in her own right; honour strictly observed. Address for one week, , care of, Galway.

How can this very independent gentleman trace his descent on both sides from A.D. 1305? There must be two years-not necessarily long years-one for each side! Then, does he never stir outside his house? If he does, he can hardly walk far without meeting a young lady of more or less moderate fortune. And, since all he wishes to do is to meet her-he does not express a wish to speak to her, even-surely there need be no such great stress on the fact that she will retain her fortune, unless he wishes to indulge in a little highway robbery. We are surprised he only gives the "address for one week;" one would have fancied he intended it for any number of weaks!

A Word and a Blow.

QUOTH TOMKINS "This gale has now lasted a week,
Yet is still high as ever, thinks I!"
Quoth Jones "You've not far for the reason to seek-
It's blown so, of course, 'twill be high!"

Butcher-Surgeons.

THE butchers have held a meeting at Northampton to discuss the necessity of bleeding calves to death. We wish the London butchers would reflect for a moment on the prices they are charging, and hold a meeting to discuss the necessity of bleeding their customers so severely.

"SWEET are the uses of adversity."-What matters it to the man with an empty pocket how high the price of butcher's meat may be ?

Answers to Correspondents.

[We cannot return rejected MSS. or Sketches unless they are accompanied by a stamped and directed envelope. We can take no notice of communications with illegible signatures or monograms.]

H. C. L. (Hoddesdon.)-We do not require acrostics.

strike us as particularly comic subjects. C. H. S.-We don't discuss questions of religious belief; they don't

W. W. N. (Warwick) is "persuaded that a mild joke he sends us is good enough for our columns. He should not suffer himself to be persuaded so readily. W. G. (Llandudno.)-Not of sufficient general interest.

X.-The rumour had been contradicted, so the joke wouldn't do as it stood. SAUCY.-We can see how a wise man wounded might be, classically, a sage saucius. But "sausage" and "sore sage" are too Cockneyfied! S.-We fear you'll never master the rudiments of verse.

E. W. F. (5, Duke-street, Portland-place.)-Go to hear the Christy's Minstrels by all means, but don't send us their jokes as if they were your

own.

F. B. W. C. O.-It is a little too good of you to send us "Mrs. Brown at Oxford." Just turn to your dictionary and look up the word "Plagiarist." P. Y. (Cambridge.)-"A Bright Idea" has occurred to five hundred people before it dawned on you!

B. C. (Paddington.)-Artists will caricature their editor at times!
OLD SAILOR.-Right you star-we mean, are!

MONGOOSE.-That depends on the quantity. Certainly, if it's worth it. Declined with thanks:-Pro Bono Pimlico; T. E. C. C., High Holborn; Nobbs; Observer; T. D., Peckham; R. H. Y., Hampstead; S. D.; Fudge; G. B., Canonbury Park; C. E. Y., Isle of Wight; C. F. S., Birmingham; W. C. S., Waterloo; T. S.; R. W. C. B.; Truth; W. S. Manchester; E. A. K.; D. A. S. H.; W. R. H., Bayswater; A. S., McL., Chelsea; Betrayal'; H. N.; A. H., Donnington; T. H.; S. B. D., Gravesend; J. P. T., Holloway; M. H., Brighton; A. J. B., Alfredplace; L. C., Liverpool; F. M.; an illegible L. L. D. of Dublin; G. F. N., Sevenoaks; H. N., Kew; R. S., Kidderminster; A. C., Georgeyard, Lombard-street.

66

COMMUNICATED.

We have great pleasure in inserting the following letter, signed Penny-a-liner." Our correspondent belongs to a hard-working and intelligent class of men, who are for ever made the butt of small wits. Better, say we, the "devouring element" of the penny-a-liner than the condensed fog of those who, like the writer of the advertisement quoted below, sacrifice sense to brevity. If the former expands the word "fire" into six syllables to turn his penny, 'tis an honest artifice; but, in order to try to save a little on an advertisement, the latter misleads the whole world. It is mean!

II.

Since said handle was a crook shape, I hope you soon will get it back again

By hook or by crook; and if not a-taking of too much latitude, Shall be happy to communicate, if agreeable, in less than a crack again,

As often as you like, 'on the very same terms-expecting one pound with much gratitude.

Would you believe it, sir, the gent has never taken the least notice of my sympathetic communication, in spite of his inviting such and offering the same ?-Yours, PENNY-A-LINER.

Food for Laughter.

THE following delicious bit occurs in a letter published in the Times of the 30th ult:

SIR,-The Times having taken up the subject of cheap food, it is now in everybody's mouth.

What is in everybody's mouth-the Times? or cheap food? For the sake of the digestion of the public we hope not the former, and in the interest of humanity we fear not the latter. Could we but believe the fact it would be the best clap of thunder we have heard for a long time-it would, by JOVE!

(Tele)graphic Language.

SINCE the hoax about the Fenian rising at Reepham, the Daily Telegraph appears to have been very much on its guard, and is determined not to make another mistake. As a proof of the excessive care it exercises to prevent error, we may quote from a recent article on the SHAW and LOMAX cases. The D. T. stated that the former person was committed, with hard labour, for brutality to "a young female servant girl." It was determined there should be no mistake about the sex.

FROM OUR STALL.

A FARCICAL Comedy in two acts, Kind to a Fault, has been highly successful at the Strand; it runs upon the difficulties incurred by a rich and amiable gentleman through giving way to the impulses of a good nature. Out of these difficulties, MR. WILLIAM BROUGH has built a very ingenious and bustling plot. The dialogue, though a little diffuse in the middle of the second act, is brisk; and everybody seems to go out and come in exactly at the right moment. MR. BELFORD has a part which fits him to a hair; he is genial, inconsequent, full of heart and utterly destitute of thought. He looks and acts as though he had never felt for an instant the responsibility of having a purpose. M188 FANNY GWYNNE plays with singular grace and earnestness, and MR. PARSELLE makes a character out of the jealous husband. MR. D. JAMES and MISS ELIZA JOHNSTONE are lively as a pair of comic domestics. Actors and author were loudly called for at the end of the first performance.

The revival of MORTON's comedy, The Way to Get Married, is not likely to do the coffers of the Olympic much good; the piece is utterly unworthy of its author's reputation. Even the small measure of success that attends its re-production is due to the performers, who exert themselves manfully to keep it on its legs. MR. CHARLES MATHEWS, with all his liveliness, has hard work in making the character of Tangent seem real. MR. HENRY NEVILLE pleasantly astonishes us by his ease and vivacity as Dashall; this gentleman's high-comedy light has for some time been carefully hidden under a melo-dramatic bushel. His acting in MORTON's play is charmingly gay and impertinent. Miss E. FARREN'S Clementina Allspice is the best thing in the piece-the very perfection of snobbery and heartlessness. Clementina is one of the most loathsome females in comic drama; MISS FARREN gives the boarding-school curtsey-the dollish simper-the avaricious toadyism of talk-admirably. In short, she makes Miss Allspice as contemptible as the drawbacks of a pretty face and figure will permit. We saw some performing Arabs at the Egyptian Hall a few days

A NOVELTY.

SCATTER broadcast scraps of Latin,
Sentences of grammar Greek,

French-of course, if you are pat in

Make your yellow lady speak.

Make your hero wild and frantic,

Let him on iced pudding sup

Hang society pedantic

"As a flow'r it cometh up."

Coin a heroine exotic,

Make her blasphemous-you canTalking nonsense idiotic

For an ordinary man.

In rich palaces and hovels
This will MR. MUDIE sell;
Yes the public naughty novels,
Loves-"Not wisely but too well."

ago. Let us hope, for the sake of the dyspeptic, that the fascinating creatures are not going to exhibit in public. One of them has a habit of eating wine-glasses, another eats only snakes, a third is fond of balancing himself by the bare feet on the edge of a sword, and a fourth has the genial knack of taking his eye out and putting it back again. The entertainment is accompanied by Arab music, which appears to have a particularly stimulating effect upon the native listener. We are not the native listener, and we didn't like it. Let us not omit the pleasing child of Araby who ties a cord round his waist and allows people to tug the ends until the middle of his body assumes a circumference of about one inch and a half. This performance of itself is enough to drive the strongest spectator to brandy-and-water.