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Printed by JUDD & GLASS, Phænis Works, St. Andrew's Hill, Doctors' Commons, and Published (for the Proprietor) by THOMAS BAKER, Mp0, Moot-stroot, B.C.

London : January 4, 1868.

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01 ban Y rick it and record

risk it, and record my profound conviction that pantomimes are not Town Talk

what they were when I was a boy. Then, clowns didn't talk much.

Now, they are always making bad jokes, and explaining advertising BY THE SAUNTERER IN SOCIETY.

“tricks." They don't sing "Tippety Witchet," or "Hot Codling

nowadays—they're too refined, and they use the red-hot poker as if it SOME highfalut were a stick of barley sugar. The flapping, slapping, thievish,

ing journalists grimacing clown of early pantomime has disappeared, and with him have, I under the good old physical force a comic business” which old and young stand, been alike enjoyed. The clown "writes” the comic business still, but sneering at the instead of designing assaults on pantaloon, police, and society at large, efforts of other he produces prettinesses, and patents, « silver rains" and ghost effects; journalists to ballets of children, drawing-room skaters, and puffs for enterprising stir up a little tradesmen. It is all very well to talk about originality and the necesChristmas cha-sity for novelty—but let originality and novelty be in keeping with the rity for the essence of pantomime. It would be a novelty to introduce a real squib poor and needy. in the second volume of a novel, and original to make the LORD MAYOR I'm sorry to black his face and sing a nigger melody to the accompaniment of a hear it! The banio on the 9th of November. But the innovation would be respecpower of a word | tively alarming to MR. MUDIE and unpleasant to the Corporation. Let papers

clowns strike out new ideas by all means, but let them be of the right to evoke a flow sort, and until they can hit upon anything fresh, let us have still the of money for a heated poker, the bullied constable, and the shower of vegetables.

They are more appropriate than performing dogs, scientific surprises, is known to be and wheel-skates. great; and any I HAVE received a slip from a Yorkshire paper, in which there is the man who sees report of a curious case : anything of the

On Thursday last William Radcliffe, a butcher, of Cowcliffe, was summoned before poor struggling the Hudde

the Huddersfield bench for cruelty to a gander. It appeared that he had made a bet

of a sovereign with a farmer named Simeon as to the weight of their respective - who has eyes

ganders. Radcliffe's gander proving the heaviest, Simeon not only paid the sove

reign, but purchased the bird, which died the next day. On opening it, it was in his head and

discovered that Radcliffe had won his wager by administering to the wretched gander THE COOD FAIRY'S STORES

a heart in his two pounds of small shot. The Huddersfield magistrates assessed this act of brutality

breast-and, at 10s., which Radcliffe at once paid, so that the rufflan netted 10s. by the cruel fraud. who, moreover, has the power of saying that word-must and will say I wonder whether the butcherly knave has read Mark Twain's it, in spite of sneers, as long as our system of relief remains as defec- Jumping Frog? If not the case is another proof that fiction is not tive as it is. There's no trick in any Christmas pantomime that is half stranger than fact. as good, to my mind, as that trick of the pen that turns a good dinner into an empty stomach. And in proof of the fact that I act up to my principle, let me say a word on behalf of one or two admirable

Not Generally knowncharities to those who have superfluous coin. I think, my dear reader, It has been well said that the game idea may occur at once to two you said ten pounds for the Children's Hospital ? Address Mr. 8. great men. PROFESSOR TYNDALL is very fairly credited with his share WHITEFORD, 49, Ormond-street. Another five for the National Life- of fame for the publication of his erudite treatise on “Heat Considered boat Institution? Send it to MR. R. LEWIS, 14, John-street, Adelphi. as a Means of Motion.” It must not be forgotten, however, that his And you have still a little to spare ? Send it to a humble but deserv- theory was anticipated by the practical experiment of the first Clown ing charity—the Pimlico and Westminster Institute for the Diseases of who applied the red-hot poker to his aged friend, Pantaloon. Women and Children. Address the Secretary, 9, Lupus-street. Hav. ing done that, sir, shake hands with yourself, and consider that you

Wants Sending Therehave begun the New Year well.

THE laudator temporis acti has been gibbetted often enough-and most A CORRESPONDENT who inquires what relation PEEPING Tom of especially when the tempus actum refers to the drama. Nevertheless, I'll | Coventry was to the humorously-renowned Dyk-WYNKYN.

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n’VE had for fays in every phase,
Since childhood's very early days,

A most romantic passion ;
For fairies black, and white, and grey-
In short, for every sort of fay

In every sort of fashion.
When dandled in my nurse's lap,
And just too old to care for pap,

But not for pretty new shoes ;
I lost my heart, oh, many a time,
To fairies named in nursery rhyme

Bo-peep and Goody Two-shoes.
And when I'd grown a little more
I fell a captive (@tat four),

And loved a little fairy;
She was, though-if to fact it comes-
A mortal maid, loved sugar-plums,

And bore the name of Mary.
But older yet, and older grown,
I had a theatre, my own!

A company compacted
With cardboard, tinsel, scissors, paste,
Paint-everything, in short, but taste ;-

And fairy pieces acted.
Should I to paint the love I felt
For characters by PARK and SKELT

Now strive, you'd call me dullard !
But, oh, my heart I lost again
To fairies -price one penny plain,

And only twopence coloured !
Then came at last the golden prime,
When opera and pantomime,

With ballet-nymphs enchanted.
I never doubted cheeks or lips,
Believed that mirth induced their skips-

Ay, took it all for granted !
I loved those fairies—all and each-
Until it was my fate to reach

The age described as “certain " ;
And then I learnt that they were not
As lovely as they painted. What

A peep behind the curtain !
Now up to rouge, and every ruse
Those fascinating fairies use,

I safely plant ’mid snares foot.
Through crow's feet mark my parblind eye,
It still is clear enough to spy

Their cheeks are touched with hare's foot




SCENES 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20 and 21.

These scenes are introduced to allow time to set a Magic Drinking
DANTOMIMES are said, by envious Fountain, or an Æthereal Washhand Basin, or a Chromatic Pump, or

cavillers, to derive their princi- a Lime-Lit Tub, or any other elaborate “property ” which the
pal attractions from magnificent Management may think fit to introduce into the story at the last
dresses and romantic scenery. moment.
There is no good reason why

SCENES 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29 and 30.
Pantomime writers should suffer Have no reference to the plot, but allow time to strike" elaborate
under such imputations. A tale property aforesaid.
of love need not be the less
stirring because its surroundings

SCENE 31.-- Doors of Pendleton Church. (Gates.) are of nineteenth-century date, Enter Fairy Pewopener, meeting Black Beadle, Black Beadle inas the subjoined précis of Our timates that he will never give in ; and Fairy Pewopener mentions Own Pantomime will testify: her intention of transferring everybody to her Blissful Home. Black HARLEQUIN WILKINSON : Beadle much enraged at this, and gives vent to his emotion in a


The fairy pewopener, and the | In which the words “No Lamps" will frequently occur ; “ Not for

Vicar of Pendelton-cum-Turniptop | Joe" will form the refrain of every verse.
Scene 1.- Vaults beneath Pendleton Church.

Scene 32.— The Peaceful Pewopener's Ritual Realms. The Black Beadle of Pendleton discovered surrounded by his ndleton, discovered surrounded by his

In this scene the novel effect

(In this scene the novel effect of Five Hundred Peaceful Pewopeners familiars. He informs them that it is high time that their Vicar was married, and suggests that Matilda, the only daughter of old Watkins,

opening Five Hundred Real Pews to an Organ Voluntary will be in.

troduced.) the village attorney, would make him a fitting helpmate. Familiars

The Fairy Pewopener expresses her intention of (somehow) putting express approbation, and pledge themselves to assist Black Beadle in

| an end to all strife by changing carrying out his designs.

Wilkinson into Harlequin,
SCENE 2.-The Fairy Peuropener's second-fioor.

Matilda into Columbine,
The Fairy Pewopener appears, and summons her Attendant Throngs.

Watkins into Pantaloon, and She explains that Matilda Watkins loves Wilkinson, a local printer

The Vicar of Pendleton into Clown. a person every way undesirable, being poor, uneducated, and depraved. She also announces the plot that Black Beadle has concocted, to unite her to the Vicar of Pendleton-a gentleman of the highest respectability, and in every way worthy of her. The Attendant Throngs express indignation at Black Beadle's unromantic designs, and pledge themselves to defeat his schemes, if possible. This determination is celebrated by a grand


SCENE 3.-Attorney Watkins's Office. Comic clerks discovered, taking out writs of ne exeat regno against every body. The cheers of an excited populace without stimulate them to increased exertions. Enter Mr. Watkins. He signifies that as on next Tuesday three weeks ho will be within a month of sixty-one, all his clerks may take a holiday. They throw their arms up in token of their joy, and go off.

Enter the Vicar of Pendleton. He expresses a wish to be united to Matilda. Watkins immediately consents. Duet and comic dance,

Rally. suggestive of Mutual Satisfaction.

SCENE 33.-Doctors' Commons. Harlequin and Columbine attempt a

trip," but not being used to it fail, and go off'abashed. Enter Clown and Pantaloon. They seem very much ashamed of their new condition. Enter a Costermonger with carrots --Clown does not steal any. Enter an Invalid on crutches-nobody throws him down. A small boy intimates to Clown that he wants to be shaved. Clown refers him to a barber. Enter a man with advertising placard, “No Lamps.-A Meeting To-night.” He stands in the centre of stage -nobody slaps his board, so he goes off. Enter a Policeman with practicable head to come off. Clown looks on ruefully. Exit Policeman with practicable head to come off. Enter an Old Lady who asks Clown the way to Hicks's Hall. Clown politely informs her. He does not steal her reticule. A small boy enters and tells Clown that the police are coming. Clown remarks that it concerns him in no way. Enter the Police. Exeunt the Police. Enter the Archbishop of Can. terbury with Sir John Phillimore and the Dean of Arches. Clown, overcome with confusion, rushes into shop and purchases overcoats and

umbrellas for himself and Pantaloon, with which they disguise themSCENE 4.—Back-yard of Printing Office of the Pendleton-cum-Turniptop


Prompter, at wing, “Now then-Cascade-Come !" Clown, "We ONE-O'CLOCK DANCE OF PRINTER'S DEVILS.

do not know how to do a Cascade! Spare us!” Enter Printer Wilkinson. He expresses in pantomime his love for Merciful Prompter “rings down." Matilda-his expectation of finding her here—and his disappointment at her absence. He consoles himself with an old file of the “Denouncer.Airy Music. Enter Matilda, dancing. The lovers embrace. Chord. Matilda tells William of her father's design of uniting her to the Vicar of Pendleton. Wilkinson's despair. Slow music. Appearance of the Fairy Pewopener. Astonishment of Lovers. Chord. She tells them not to despair (twiddling music through all this), as she is determined to thwart the Old Attorney's laudable design. The Lovers embrace more than ever. Enter Mr. Watkins, led by Black Beadle. Mr. Watkins mildly reprovos Matilda. But Matilda don't care. Eventually, with assistance of Black Beadle, he carries her off. Printer vows that he will dismember Mr. Watkins at an early opportunity. Tableau. Wilkinson pretending to dismember Watkins,






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