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COOL.
Jones :-"BRIDGET, I TOLD YOU T5 LET MB HAVB MY HOT WATER THE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING."
Bridget :-"SURE, AND DIDN'T I BRING IT UP AND LAVB IT AT THE DURE LAST NIGHT, 80 AS TO BE IN TIME, SIR!"

THE SONG.

Comic Casualties.

WHEN the managers of the Polytechnic, which professes to combine In the garden lay a lute

instruction with amusement for the special gratification of the Where some careless hand had flung it,

juveniles, pitched upon the gory “Head of the Decapitated" as a One who saw it lying mute,

comical sight for the youngsters, we were inclined to question their Took it up and strung it

judgment. They, however, no doubt, are enabled by their long Made a song of flowers and fruit

experience to decide these points better than we are. Still, we cannot Made a song and sung it.

help thinking there is a little cruelty in the character of their All the winds were hushed to hear,

exhibitions. We clip the following announcement from a daily All the garden silent round him,

paper:-All the songbirds that were near

THE new and exquisitely-funny VENTRILOQUIAL ENTERTAINMENT, by By his music found him.

1 Malle. CAVALHO, who will introduce an INFANTILE BATTLE of PRAGUE, Said the monarch with a sneer

with the Cries of the Wounded; and plenty of other Pun.-ROYAL POLY

TECHNIC. “Bother and confound him."

The cries of London may be comical, but the cries of the wounded
Myrmidons what court doth lack ?

strike us as somewhat too screaming fun.
Twenty creatures quickly sped off,
Caught our poet in a crack,

Posted-up.
Where bis strain he led off-
Laid the lute about his back-

HISTORY-we ought perhaps to be particular and say Irish History-
Took and cut his head off.

tells us of a king "none of whose predecessors survived to succeed him

on the throne." A remote ancestor of his must have been born since, Why thus off bis head they cut

however, and is engaged on the staff of tbe Morning Fost. We think What the rhymes were he was stringing

we detect his style in a paragraph about the late explosion at ClerkenWhy the King upon his nut

well. The passage runs thus :Was such curses bringing

“Not a single foot of the portion of the wall blown down was left standing." These I know not, knowing but That he left off singing!

AN APT ANAGRAM.

E&NIAN RIOTs-Stain of Erin.
Legal.
If possession is nine points of the law, what is the tenth 2-Disap-

Why do stewed chickens resemble firearms ?-Because they are point-ment, and it's as big as the ether nine put together, and much fowl-in-pieces. more common.

| The Dread-Norant.—No effects at your bankers.

1868.

OUR LIBRARY TABLE.
The author of The History of Perrypetts (SAUNDERS and OTLEY),

Old Time has given us the slip has taken some pains to cater for the amusement of his young readers.

And turned again his glass, The story is full of the wildest' extravagances-perbaps a trifle too full,

The goblet sparkles at the lipfor they are not of the old fairy-tale type, which always had an

Well let the old year pass— inherent grace, and almost always a sub-current of meaning. The

There's someone knocking-go and see strange things related here are strange and quaint enough, but there is

Throw open wide the gate an evident straining after the grotesque and novel :- the machinery

A Bumper, friends, with three times three creaks at times. Nevertheless the young people will, no doubt, read it

A health to Sixty-Eight! with wonder and merriment; and it is none the worse because they won't get any “instruction” out of it, for we disapprove heartily of

Who croons about forgotten years ?

What hearts refuse to sing? the too common attempt to pass off the silvered pills of knowledge as

, the combts of amusement. The story is one which affords ample scope

Let grief lie buried in the cheers

For him we're welooming. for the artist, and MR. WIEGAND has lavished humour and invention

Our dead old friend has leit a will plentiful upon it. His illustrations give us most welcome peeps into Elfdom, for he has not contented himself with merely reproducing the

“God rost distress and hate." bare events of the history, he has thrown in little details of their

Hurrah! why here's a codicil surroundings which betray a thorough knowledge of Fairyland. We

“ A health to Sixty-Eight! cannot wish any fairy tale better fortune than tho retention of Ma.

Who's moaning for the time that's lost, WIEGAND as its illustrator. His style is individual and original, and

And counting beads of pain ? yet has that soupçon of the Germanesque which is necessary for the

A thaw must follow after frost, weird and elf-like. The book is well turned-out as regards type, print,

So set to work again? and paper, and the engraver has done the artist the justioe to reproduce

The master whispers to his man his work honestly. We can safely recommend the book to those wise

The workman to his mate, people who like to give the little folk real fairy-stories.

“A race ! and let him win who can, The new edition of Men of the Times (MESSRS. ROUTLEDGE and

We'll start for Sixty-Eight." Sons) has been carefully revised and corrected by MR. TOWNSEND, who seems to have spared do possible pains to make it what it scarcely was

Who's sighing for a maiden's heart before-a biographical dictionary that may be safely relied on for

And weeping broken toys? accuracy. We have tested it on some half dozen points, and it has

Drag out young Cupid's poison'd dartcome out of the trial well. There goes an anecdote that the editor of

Plague take those wilful boysa similar publication, having quarrelled with the publishers for whom

The goddess Venus from her shell he compiled it, took an odd way of avenging his wrongs, real or sup

Is making eyes at Fate posed. Being the London correspondent of several provincial papers,

And May, or MLAUDE, or (BABBL he made it a rule, on the death of any one of eminence, to remark

Will sweeten Sixty-Eight! apropos-"I have consulted "- People of the Period, say—"and find it

Come, comrades, pass the loving cnp ! incorrect, as usual.” As far as we can judge, no such charge can with

A Bumper let it be, fairness be brought against the new edition of Men of the Times, which

The toast we'll honour, springing up is, furthermore, well printed, and altogether well turned ont.

With mad bilarity.
So charge! and drinking take the time !

Let none procrastinate!
£10,000 PER ANNUM.

Our heart-strings harmonize the rhyme

We sing to Sixty Eight!
IF I had ten thousand a year

I think I could manage to spend it;
Could squander the half, very bear,

Answers to Torrespondents.
And, as for the rest, I could lend it."
Could squander the half, I should say,

[We can take no notice of communioations with illogible signatures or On folly, on vice, and on sorrow,

monograms. Correspondents will do well to send their real names and On dreary debauches to-day.

addressos as guarantees. We cannot undertake to return unaccepted M88. Repentance and headache to-morrow.

or Sketches, ronless they are acoompanied by a stamped and directed envelope;

but we cannot enter into correspondence regarding them, nor do we hold Could purehase with half of my wealth,

ounsalves responsible for loss.] Or less, if I cared to diminish,

PECULIAR (Bayswater).---To speak literally-N. O.! P.-Q.-liar does Bad morals, bad conscionce, bad bealth,

not succeed in R.-S.-ting our attention. And a bad-ish look-out at the finish.

ROTTEN RAGDE wishes to kpow how to pronounce “Balmoral" After

mature consideration, we would suggest that he should pronounce it as it is And the rest of my gold I could lend

written! The friend who in want had stood by me,

F. G. (Aberdeen) sends us a scrap, and arks for a remittance. Our And lose both my money and friend

answer is “declined with thanks," and we can't remit that sentence. For thenceforward for ever he'd shy me!

G. B. (Maida Hill), but he can't make a joke for all that!

J. W. dates from Vaughan Road, Cold Harbour Lane. He must hail If I bad ten thousand a year, •

from some cool port to have the audecity to send us i hat " head-scentar " joke. The sentiment may noem clap-trappy,

B. G. G. (Stockton-on-Tees) should pot tende us with old jokes.
I'm blest if I think it's so cloar

THE Author of “My Snuff-Box" has made a mull of it.
I should not be sick and unhappy.

%:-Not quite-too laboured ; in fact, couldn't appear. You will ses Y

on reflection. At present I've friends-very dear

A COMMENCER (Bow).-We don't say “Bow” to him, 'mwen no ho Health and comfort, as long as I'm thrifty,

deserves it. So I don't want ten thousand a year,

THE HERMIT.-Deserves to be sentenced to solitary confinement for sunda I'm content with my hundred and fifty.

a bad joke.

JACOBUS FUSTUR-is not Jacobus Prime-us.

G. E. C. (Solby).--We understand your drift, but do not soe your An Observation.

« designs."

HIBERNICUS.--We should say, judging from your language, that LowOur well-regulated contemporary, The Observer, in its chronicle of bernicus would have been a better nom de plume. those interesting ovents, “ Births," dividos them into two classes, FULWELL should bave noticed the day on which the number appeared, « Of Sons," and “ Of Daughters." We feel sure that if the idea were not that for which it was dated. Perhaps be would do better not to trouble carried a step farther, and under the head “Married," information were

himself about dates-thistles are Gtter fruit for him. afforded the public whether the alliance was contracted “For Money,"

Declined with thanks :--S. D. Shand; H. T. H. R.; W. 1., Dublins; “For Title," "For Beauty," "For Position,” “For. Convenience," or

H. C.; Percy F.; H. J. W.; M. A. V., Islington, K. J. ; Y.O.S.; put it in small capg" FOR LOVE,"

H. H., New Bond Street; Á. M. D., Lee; W. M. C, Fenchurok Street;

The Observer must speedily J. BT. Brixton: D. B., Liverpool; T. H., Durban, Poge; AFUN-RY bencome " the obeerred of all obbervers."

Fellow; T. S., St. Luke's; H., Glasgow; Sigma, Bristol, Madawa

R. O. Y., L'pool; T. J. L., Bouligne; D'Noir, Jersey; Query) Tbtton Dien beat weapon for duak-shooting green pea ride.

ham; Veritas ; M. B., Carlisle; C. T., Saffron Waldun; J. W., Edimburgo

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THE SEASON IN SHOREDITCH. the old Standard in Sawditch, and beats all the West-Enders into fits,
By Our Own PURVEYOR.

| as is much on the model of the Ryle Op'ra, with sech a drop scene and

sech a welwet curtain, as must ha' took all Spittlefields to perduce." I ARSK your pardon, Sir, but when I wrote to you last, as was in | Law, if you gents more westerly was only just to have a threepenoy consequence of the Street Reggilation Act, little did I think as I should 'bus down to the Great-Eastern station and come in, you'd never know ha' been able to date from purfeshunal life. Wot with us costers bein' but what you was in Covink Gardin, which the house is that decorous moved off and then moved on again, and bein' allowed and then not with white and gildin', and a shindyleer as 'ud fill a saloon omnibus, bein' allowed, our hearts was a'most broke, and you literary gents as is and a dress circle, mind you, where op'ra cloaks and op'ra glasses is all mostly in the comic line, was p'raps the only parties as made a tidy the go, and a bar jest what a bar ought to be for you fash'nables, with thing out on us; as you turns everythink to chaff which it was no all sorts o' liquors, foreign and otherwise. Mind you, the Standard's laughin' matter to them as was wot's called under the survillanies of a place as never give in to no low ways. Why, I've heard Sims REEVES the police. Wen we was all a-wonderin' wot could be done with hisself there, an' MR. KEAN, as I think but little on in comparison to peppermunt rock an' baked chesnuts, which a cove can set up prettý them as I could name; but that's neither here nor there, for my motter tidy in them for a couple o' shillin's, down comes the snow as no street is, “Live and let live," and “a feller feelin' makes us wonderas kind," reggilations nor Acts o' Parlyment can't put a stopper on, and I should which is wot I've found out since I've been in the purfession, thanks like to know-me and my mates would-whether the overseers an' the to Joe, as has got me a reg'lar engagement while the pantomime lasts, hoards o' guardians an' the westries is brought up afore SIR RICHARD with real live animals on the stage, besides a false helefunt as large as Mayne for not clearin' of the streets. Anyways I was reg'lar down on | life which he takes four men to hold him down and perwent his goin my back afore Christmas, and the collector å-callin' for the rent and up like a hair balloon. There's somethink, too, in the title of the piece me an' my wife down to bread and drippin', and precious little o' that, as is a comfort to a man no was once in the purweyin' line; Oranges and when wot should I do but meet with Joe, as is my brother in law, Lemons ; or, The Bells of St. Clements is what I call a-pealin' to all leastways my missises brother. Well I says to him, “ How have you classes, Sir (I thought I should get at a purfeshudal joke afore long), been a doin'? I did hear as you'd got a can an' opened in the tater and all classes responds too, for we're a-playin' to full houses every · line or else the kidney puddens."

night, fash'nables in the dress circle and a reg'lar good gallery and "No," he says, “Not for JOSEPH. I've got a trick worth two o' that, West-End prices, and serve us right, too. And so, Sir, if you like to and gives my evenin's perfeshunal now at the theayter, me and the come over and have a look at us, you can leave your card at the stage moke, too, as I must ha' sold otherways as times is so bad. Little did door and inquire for me, and I shall be proud for to give the office, I think, Sam (them was his words), as when I bought that animal for which I will say that for MR. DOUGLAS our manager, he's the sort of half a sufria' as ever he'd turn out to be a performin' quadroopied, but man as has'a proper regard for talent, and the way as I can manay: Auch is the ways o' the world, and I think there's a openin'," he says, that blessed moke with the orchestrey a-poundin' away and the gas at “ for you to come on with that little grey pony as is drove in a White- the wings--- But there, it ain't for me to holler too loud now I'm chapel broom down the Approach-road o' Sundays, as is a animal not not under the Act. to be trifled with."

I says, “What, at Drury Lane, where I knowd a purfeshunal gent as went on nightly with a 'apsom cab an' drove over Westminster

Am I Right, or Hahne-(other)-mann ? bridge on the stage with a young gal as 'ad been circumwented into “THE HAHNEMANN," we read in the Bombay Times, is being fitted for goin' in evening dress for to meet a party as was nothink but a ticket the second batch of elephants for the Abyssinian campaign, numbering o leave ?"

about twenty-six. How can we hope to bring THEODORR to his senses “No," says Joe, “but a bran new house as is built on the hashes of' by such homopathic doses as this?

Printed by JUDD & GLASS, Phænix Works, St. Andrew's Hill, Doctors' Commods, and Published (for the Proprietor) by THOMAS BAKER, RT 80, Fleet-street, B.C.

London : January 18, 1868.

THE SEASONS.

BY AN INVALID.
I love the Spring

It seems to bring
Fresh breezes from the Adriatic:-

(The wind, at least,

Is from the East,
And gives me agonies rheumatic !)

When Summer's here,

I hold it dear,-
Of flowery wealth a gracious giver :-

(Although I've got,

Whene'er it's hot,
Some touches of a sluggish liver.)

When Autumn hints

With beauteous tints
That Summer's song has its cadenzi,

I love it well :

(Though truth to tell, I know it brings me influenza!)

And Winter's snow

I love also-
For snow a seasonable sight is :-

(Although there are,

Cough, cold, catarrh,
Diphtheria, phthisis and bronchitis !)

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CRUDELIS AMOR.
I know they talk of Hymen's flame

Or else bis lighted torch
In valentines, but all the same

Why should my mutton scorch?
Why should my humble piece of steak

Be blackened as a shoe ?
Why glass and china daily break ?

Then! what am I to do?
Why poison me with greasy soup

Or floury melted butter?
A man must be a nincompoop

Who can't his feelings utter.
Untasted dinners daily go :-

Just through the railings, look
There's been a murder down below,

Young Cupid's shot my Cook!

THERE'S (S)NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT.
Sportive youth (little guessing that it is A 299 sheltering from the storm,
within hail of his accustomed area) :-“HOLLER, BOYS! HERE'S A JOLLY
SNOW MAN TO SHY AT!”

FROM OUR STALL.

whole pantomime by MR. E. T. SMITH-produces rather too intricate The little two-act piece, Old Salt, is written by a gentleman who a p

on who a plot for young brains to unravel. lives in Hindoostan and calls himself John DALY. There is a staleness

We have been twice to Drury-lane, but we have found it so crammed about the materials of the comedietta and an old-fashioned smack

| on each occasion that we have mildly but firmly refused to do our about its dialogue which lead us to believe the author must have been

critical duty at the cost of personal convenience. On every side we absent from London for a considerable time. He makes his unedu

hear good accounts of Jack the Giant Killer. cated old sailor describe a shipwreck in such language as KINGSLEY or

Once and only once have we crossed the river since Boxing-night. CHARLES Reade might employ; and the granddaughter of this old

Our visit was to the Victoria, from which house we came away sailor, a girl who comes from a workhouse, invents comic answers to

exceedingly gratified. The great feature of the pantomime is the scientific questions with as much wit as ROBERTSON or Dion BOUCICAULT.

Oliver Cromwell of Mr. Cave, the manager, who sings, dances, In spite of these defeets, however, the piece proves entertaining; it is

fights, and bullies his Puritans in true burlesque style. Miss BURETTE capitally acted. MR. EMERY plays the marine grandfather in a way

sings some of the Grande Duchesse music very nicely. The opening that would be perfect if it were not for a certain hardness which he

which is of the pantomime, by MR. ROBERT SOUTAR, is full of fun and exhibits has never quite succeeded in conquering. MR. D. JAMES, as a simple- a pa

a patriotic reverence for the History of England. minded lover, surprises his audience by two or three touches of genuine sentiment; and MR. BELFORD is extravagant but very funny

An Anecdote. in the part of a Guppyish lawyer's-clerk. M188 NELLY MOORE—what

As LORD POLONIUS, M.P., and Gold-stick-in-Waiting, was passing the an age it is since we last saw the lady !-represented the affectionate

other day through one of the corridors of the Palace of Westminster, Party with all her usual grace and sweetness; M183 FANNY GWYNNE

he came upon a stout gentleman who was engaged in daubing the looked ladylike, but had little else to do.

walls with rude illustrations of history. “What do you paint,” said The scenery of the Covent Garden pantomime is really delicious, his lordship in the conciliatory tone he was in the habit of adopting and Messrs. MORGAN AND CRAVEN must spend a vast amount of time towards PRINCE HAMLET. “Wards-Wards-Wards !” was the apt reply. in waiting at the wing to be called before the footlights. The company The old nobleman sighed and went on his way. is particularly strong just at present; in addition to the PAYNES—who are monarchs of all they survey in the realm of pantomime-we

Off ! have MESSRS. CLARKE AND STOYLE, who both play in their

MR. JAMES FINLEN“having lost his employment," — why has he funniest manner, and Misses AMY SHERIDAN, MARIA and NELLY HARRIS,

never told us what it was?—"and his prospects being thereby blighted," and POLLY MARSHALL. This cast for the opening, and the two younger

(to borrow the words of a circular on the subject) is to have a testi. Paynes in the harlequinade, qught to satisfy the greediest.

monial. He “has come to the determination” we are further told “ of The Lyceum pantomime is particularly strong in the dancing making America his future home,”-a determination for which Engdepartment. The ballets are admirably arranged and performed. The land will perhaps be more grateful than America. Why does not opening scenes, by Mr. W. S. GILBERT are neatly written, but the Government come forward and do something? It has given infinitely conglomeration of stories, or perhaps the “reconstruction" of the less deserving persons a free passage to the colonies before now !

VOL. VI.

Town. Talk.

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Whimsies. If he had edited himself with a trifle more severity, to the exclusion of a few pieces not up to the general standard of the rest, it would have been better. Written, as the author says, “on the road,

the rail, and the river," the modest little book may well beguile an BY THE SAUNTERER IN SOCIETY:

hour on “the river, the rail, and the road."

I HAVE received from MESSRS. FULLER AND Co., of Mortimer House,
A OR all practical : Wells-street (whose efforts for the employment of women on illuminat-

purposes the ing I have had occasion to mention before), some examples of outlines
year 18 fairly for illumination, in which chromo-lithography supplies the place of
launched now; photography. The latter has always seemed to me out of place in
and just as illuminations, and the former, in my opinion, is exactly suited for
Trade takes its them. The designs are graceful and effective, and should be popular
stock of the among lovers of the delightful art.
past atthe close I see with regret the death of MR. DOYLE, who, as “ H. B.," did so
of the twelve- mnch to elevate political caricature, and divest it of the grossness and
month, Specu- vulgarity that it had acquired at the hands of GILRAY and his com-
lation (they 'peers. The pencil of “H. B.,' ever keen and caustic, never descended to
tell me Trade the level above which the earlier caricaturists seldom soared : and if
and Specula- for that fact alone, his death should be recorded with regret by
tion are very journals which owe much to his teaching and example.
convertible
terms) takes
stock' of the
future at the

DOUBLE ACROSTIC.
beginning. We

No. 46.
are starting on
a new track

BARRISTERS with solemn faces,
under novel

Rise and quote ne'er-ending cases;
circumstances.

They the magistrates discernment
The year 1868

Puzzle, and there comes adjournment. is rather a startler for those veterans who like to talk of what was,

Talk of Clerkenwell disaster “ Consule Planco"-which a friend freely translates as “when LORD

Doesn't make the case go faster; LLANOVER was in office! (a subtle jest, that requires a good di-jestion).

Nought avails the strong denial, Well, to take stock of '98, we have a Conservative Government, re

Two men now are sent for trial. markable for democratic measures ; a commercial stagnation, with plenty of actual cash in the country; a railway system, which is

1. running to-everywhere, practically at a standstill; and literary

'Twas the January breeze prosperity, though magazines and periodicals glut the market. This

Moan'd (as usual) through the trees, last feature, by the way, is curious-it seems to threaten that the

As we slept beneath their shadows all the night; people will educate themselves—ill, well, or indifferently-before

But I had a pocket flask, Government has quite made up its mind how it ought to teach them

What was in it do you ask, the A B C. Don't let me be too sanguine, however, there must be a

Just a trifle of pale brandy,—was I right? “bust-up” here and there before long among the weaker in the race. “ Beaten,” will be the verdict often enough in cases where publishers —and especially editing-publishers—will prove that they know more

No matter what physic was used, so he said, about “composition" than the English language.

It hurt him when waking or lying in bed ; Apropos of the English language, I dropt into my suburban book

And gave him at times a most terrible cough, seller's the other day, and looking over the mags. etc., on the counter,

So there at the doctor's he had it cut off. discovered that he had sold all the Christmas Annuals exoept “ Nine

It bothered him then for a day and a night, of Us.” I had prudently refrained from buying the annual, but I

But heal'd ;-and since that he's been perfectly right. took it up and glanced at it. I found in it a silly paragraph, in

3. which the editor accuses Fun of plagiarism and imitation. The editor of this annual the other day, in an advertisement about a

We grumble no doubt cookery book, presumed to question our English. As a proof of his

When men call on the day, fitness to criticise, let me quote two passages from his annual:

But we're forced to " shell out,"

Which means, simply, to pay. “We have resolved on stopping in this box for a little holiday-many of us-no, not many—let me see, counting you and I, there are ning of us." Here's an editorial note from the end :

Pleasant no doubt in the days of our youth; "A set of pictures: ... intended for these pages has been excluded in

Pleasant in after-life yet, to tell truth; consequence of the delay in receiving the contribution, and which arose from ill

There comes a day when the interest due, health."

We shall look back on old dealings, and rue. I have received two very handy books for the youngsters, who are

5. still at home for the holidays, and for whose“ idle hands" it is better that parents should find “work to do,” than the gentleman mentioned

Nothing more wonderful :---that you'll allow, by Dr. Watts. The Model Steam Engine, how to buy, how to use, and

Though we're so used to its agency now. how to make it (HOULSTON AND WRIGHT) is a capital book for boys.

That the great wonders we reckon but small, The rising generation is far too well supplied with toys:- if I had my

This can do for us in no time at all.. way I would pass an Act of Parliament for the suppression of that benefactor of the small folk-CREMER JUNIOR. It is my firm belief,

ANSWER TO ACROSTIC No. 44. founded on experience, that youngsters who have little pocket-money, and therefore cannot purchase much, but have to make their own toys,

O Chirp learn to be handy and ingenious. As a boy, I made most of my own

+ Hoplemereuma playthings, even diverging into science so far as to make a diving.bell

R Rosin with a broken wineglass, a bit of sealing wax, and some firewood. To

I Iconoclast. be sure it wouldn't sink-and when it did the three components dis

S Stiacciato

T Tim solved partnership. With such a guide as The Model Steam Engine, I should have worked away pleasantly and successfully. It is a cheap

M. Moroni book which I can safely recommend parents to place in the hands of

A Antietam their boys. A book of similar character is The Magic Lantern, and how

S Safe to use it (HOULSTON AND WRIGHT). The apparatus, once so expensive, SOLUTIONS OF ACROSTIC No. 44, RECEIVED 15TH JANUARY :-None correct. is now easily purchasable; and this little work will teach its use, and be the delight of many an ingenious boy.

MR. WOODIN, the well-known entertainer, has published a volume of Who's Who in county Kerry ?—The O'Doxo-who.

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