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It was this in the u
s e often we heard.
DOUBLE ACROSTIC. [For one week only, and by special request, we devote a portion of our space
No. 48. to “ The Exchange," now a popular feature in the Queen and so
I THINK that we should hardly stand, many of our contemporarios.]
In this extremely favoured land,
Strange persecutions such as theso. 1.- No advertisement must exceed sixteen columns, and for each advertisement :
The ruler's difficult to please, three postage stamps must be forwarded to the Chancellor of the Esobequor (endorsed " unpaid income tax”), or to some other charitable institution.
For papers find, in any case, 2.-The envelope enclosing the object for exchange must be stamped, and the
The truth will end in dire disgrace, name of the writer and of tbe person for whom it is intended, must be clearly
And fines and prison; so I guess written inside, not as a guarantee of good faith, but necessarily for publication.
We're luoky in our English press. 3.-Elephants, twelve-roomed houses and freehold estates must not be sent through the post. They must be sent directly to their destination, and not through the medium of Pun. Any attempt to ovade this rule will lead to the confiscation of the trifles. 4.--No advertisements offering an exchange of eye-teeth, back-hair, complexions,
"Tis pleasant at night, or hippocampi majores, whether new or old, will be inserted.
And at earliest mora, SONGs.--I have all CLARIBEL's songs, which I should be glad to get
We shouldn't do right rid of. I should like a little music as a change.--CLARA.
This liquor to soom. BABOON.-I have a very large and mischievous baboon, with a green noge. What will anyone give me in exchange for him ?,
We know, since our boyhood with Latin began, Jewellery preferred.-A. P. E.
The character given to a famous black swan. DAUGHTERS.-I have six grown-up daughters. Four are fair and two
It was this in the world, a most curious bird, dark at present. Last year four were dark and two fair. Should
Of whick in our childhood so often we heard. prefer a house and grounds, but am open to offers.--PATBRFAMILIAS.
Coins.—I have two very bad half-crowng. I should be happy to take five ordinary shillings for them.--HARD-UP.
*** Saddled and bridled, and booted rode he," HEADACHE.—I have had, ever since last night, a tremendous head
But he never came back, they might fairly foresea. ache, which I would gladly exchange for a miniature brougham, an
Hard lines for this swell of the old ballad lore, atmospberic churn, a silver-spangled Poland cock, a dormouse, or a
When he went to do this, and came back never more. hard-boiled egg.-CRACKY.
WASTE PAPER.-I have T*pp*r's complete works, 7,000 pages, large octavo. Would exchange them for an equal number of blank sheets of
Wo've heard of a council held here, cream-laid note.
Or old in great Christian times. Cow. My pa's got a cow. I'll take a cannon, or a box of ninepins,
You'd say of a girl that was dear, or a trumpet for it.-JUVENIS.
This word in the neatest of rhymes.
I take my walks, like DOCTOR WATTS,
and often this I see distemper, be very gentle, and whistle two or three popular airs oor
Disgrace his owner, and yet that's rectly. Anyone wishing to part with surh a snake may rely on his
What doesn't trouble me. having a good home, and must name whit ho wants in exchange.-
“Sir, I think it rather hard, SHARBG.--I have for exchange a few shares in the Blankdon, Blank
When I've chosen such a card, ham, and Blanker Railway. I would take a brass farthing for them.
You should know that card at once ; BUBBLES.
Really I'm not such a dunce DIAMOXD8.-I am anxious to get a set of diamonds worth about
As not quickly to have guess'd twenty thousand pounds. I have many things to offer in exchange,
You by this have reached my breast.” music, stamps, crests, etc., and a pair of fantail pigeons.- NOODLEDUM.
Coin.-I am in want of a little coin, and have for exchange a slip of paper with my own autograph, and that of a friend. Old masters,
ANSWAR TO Acrostic No. 46. wine, and cigars declined. -KYTE.
B Bivouas CONCERTINA.“I want a concertina in good condition, a whistling
Uvula oyster, or a centipede that can play on the piano and read music at
R Rates sight.' For any of the above I will try to meet the wishes of others.-Q.
K Kite BIRDS. -I have the lower wing of a fowl, and the devilled drumstick
Electricity Y of a turkey for exchange.--A good cellar of wine preferred, but am
SOLUTIONS OF A OROSTIO No. 46, RECEIVED 297 JANUARY :-Lisa and Boppe; open to offers.-GREEDY.
Yerrup; Snip and Dodger; Cigarette; Sillow Bros,; Bray Tront; T. D. H.; Cock.-I have a cook who can play BEETHOVEN's Sonatas. Would
Demetrius; Pipehop, a Long and a Short Clay; O. K., Brighton; Poor Ida; Inky; be invaluable to anyone who never has anything that wants cooking. 10 to 4: A. B., No. 2; Elton; Nemo; A Ginger Trio ; Anti-Penian; Council of I would take a scent bottle or an ostrich feather for her.Housewive. / ThreeRuby; Sidney H.; Varney the V.; Romanelli; A. Pump; G. 1. E.; VARIOUS. I have for exchange a brown wig, a black and tan terrier,
Charlie Bo’; Exchequor; Merryman; Ball; J. G. L.; Hallal and Putsy. two mangles, a racehorse, a cream cheeee, four ounces of tin taoks, & returned dead letter, the stuffing of a horsehair footstool, three blind
An Obvious Error. mice, an autograph of my tailor, a bottle of pickles, an odd slipper, the A PARAGRAPH appears in some of the literary journals, speaking of stump of a cigar, a hollow tooth, the handle of the milk jug, a latoh- a new book by Dr. G. W. LEITNER, a work in four vols., treating of key, à mole on my right elbow, and a button off my collar. I am open the traces and languages of Dardistan, a province discovered by Dr. to offers.-P. O. G.
LEITNER in 1866. Of course, any one can see at a glance that the
learned doctor's initials have not been given rightly. His name, it is A Show-Up.
plain, should be N. LEITNER. The Saturday Review, commenting on affairs in Abyssinia, says :
That is the Question, “We get on in a meddle and muddle' sort of way, with a wild confusion of ! mules and camels, and Shohoes, who, as one intelligent Correspondent explains in The John Bull states that the first edition of the QUEEN's Diary half a column, are not all so very much Shohoes, as about three-quarters Shohoes, consisted of one hundred and fifty thousand copies, which were nearly and a quarter something else undistinguishable from Shohoes.”
all sold immediately after publication, and realised a net profit of Does not the Saturday in this sentence fall into the very prolixity of £10.000 at least. Is it treason to ask what is going to be done with which it complains? It would have simplified matters to say that the that sum ? It might be added to some of Miss BORDETT COUTTS'S intelligent Correspondent described the shoboes as three-parts Shohoes, donations for the benefit of the poor. It might-but we hope it won't and one part autre Shohoes, as the French say.
-be given to the Royal Literary Fund. In short, there are plenty of
ways of disposing of it, and we trust that ere long loyal journals will • A. P. E. having omitted to gom carefully the envelope containing this, it has have the pleasure of recording that it has been bestowed in a manner got out, and is running about the office. If somebody will but give A. P. E. what she wants in exchange for it, we will throw in two copies of the next number of
worthy of the QUEEN OF ENGLAND, which is more than our truthfulness Fux, on condition of the immediate removal of them-and the baboon.--ED. will allow our loyalty to say that the book itself is.
0, Roederer than the Cherry!
To be Stamped Out. SWEBT Bissextile ! Fourth and fairest year, that allowest an addi. On January the First, all Germany, including the North, the South, tional day to the month of St. Valentine. Shall it not henceforth be and Austria, adopted the groschen postage for letters under half an ordained in thy honour, and in discountenance of the heresy which ounce in weight. This change has been adopted as a delicate compli. gives precedence to dry wines, that, throughout thy gentle sovereignty, ment to the philatelists who find the collecting of stamps so all-enladies' champagne alone is to be permitted to pop ?
groschen an employment.
W. read in the Queen that “MR. F. AUGUSTUS LEWIS, the author of the • Widowed Queen Hymn,' etc. has been honoured by receiving her Majesty's Royalthanks for an acrostic on the Fenians which appeared in several papers." We should like to know what this really means. Does it mean—as it implies — that the Queen reading the acrostic in the papers was so charmed with it that she wrote to thank its author ? Or, does it mean that the author forwarded a copy of his precious acrostic to the palace, and gives out the acknowledgment of its receipt as the “royal thanks ?” A respectable journal like the Queen should be careful about the insertion of paragraphs of this sort; it might lead the ignorant to suppose that the English court was the patron of English literature-or that MR. F. A. LEWIS is the representative of English literature.
THB Westminster Gazette is very severe on “Aliquis,” the author of a let. ter in the Times, which advocated severity as the right treatment for Ireland. In allusion to the measures he proposes, the Gazette remarks “As we trust ‘Aliquis' will never have his swing, we at least will secure him his say." This is not exactly what the Gazetie means, we fancy. To judge from the vigour with which it condemos him, we should say it would not mind his having his “swing”-and “plenty of rope," too.
Cur, why. A MUSICAL DOG in New Albany, Indiana, plays on the piano and howls. We have had rather too many musical “jolly dogs" in England, and yet there are plenty of puppies who might be worse employed than in singing-or howl. ing — and playing on the piano. Only, they mustn't expect us to become dogs also, out of compli. ment to them-in short to be “tarriers” when they sing.
A Nibble. A VEGETARIAN ACquaintance of ours carries out his principles so thoroughly that he indites the whole of his correspondence – with Cocoa Nibbs.
It's All Very
Fine. Op all tradesmen, grocers are perhaps least distinguished for elegance of lan. guage-they commonly term even their “refined" sugar “lump."
A Flaw in the
Title. We notice in a list of new works “The Governor's Daughter.” It would have been in better taste, we think, had the author' entitled his work “My Sister," or “My Sister-inLaw," as the case might be.
The Hon. A. F.:-"HERE—I BAY! BAI JAWvB! HERE! HELP! POLICE!”
THE SONG OF THE JAVA SPARROW :—“Oh, I doat on the millet
DROP IT!—The Rock ahead should have been dedicated to the members of the Gun Club.
Light Duet.—The Feast of Lanterns.
A "BCREW LOOSE." -A vacant situation.
MRS. BROWN IN AMERICA.
They one and all says, “Oh dear no! we never touches no alkyol ON THE RAIL.
I says, “Oh, indeed!” not a-knowin' exactually what they meant WELL, there we was stuck as fast in that snow like a skewer in a
by a-callin on it them foreign names, as is only thcir hairs I marrer bone, as the sayin' is. So they comes and tells us as there I didn't say nothink, but took a little drop, and then I lays down wasn't no 'opes of gettin' no further that night, and we could be for a bit of a nap. took in at that fum - 'ouse, as there was a cart for to take the ladies
les I 'adn't not been asleep not any time when I 'eard a groan werry with the wh ls both off'; 'owever they 'oisted me into it I can't think, loud as woke me up. I says, “ What's amiss ?" as were as lpless as a infant thro' a netted petticoat as fitted me that tight as go '2p-stairs I couldn't, with my limbs reg'lar benumbed, as
The party in the next bod to me says, “ Oh! the agony." were dragged into the 'ouse like a sack of sawdust, as no doubt was
I says “ Where?”
«On!” she says, “it's what I'm dreadful subject to as bends me well meant by that young man, as was that kind-'arted thro' bein'
| double." Irish, but set me down that near the stove as might 'ave roasted me"
“Oh!" I says, “ the spaving, as, I 'ad a haunt as were & martyr ta, alive, only I felt myself a-scorchin' as would ’ave been all in flames if
and nothink wouldn't straighten but'ot ginger tea, and bags of red 'oti a musling gownd.
salt.” I managed for to get up to my room and get out of that there petti
“Oh!” she says again, “I'm sure I'm a dyin'."
I says, “I'ope not, but," I says, “ I don't know what to give yor, coat, and by the time as I'd pulled myself together a little bit supper was ready, as were a odd mixture with pork and beans baked in a ovon,
as a drop of brandy is the most nat'ralost things you won't 'ear the
name on.' as was that rich, and pork chop as they eats with treaalo and fried
“Oh!" she says, "ag medicine it makes all the difference." taters, with nothink to drink but tea and water, and for that matter the tea ain't nothink more than water bewitched and tea begrudged, as
"Well, then," I says, "take a drop," and 'ands 'er the bottle to
old while I cot up to get a light and the tumbler, but when I'd the sayin' is, and don't suit me.. Nor more don't their mutton chops, as is stringy rubbish, and not a knife as 'll cut anythink 'arder than
struck a light she was a-takin' a pull out of the bottle andlangrennin',
and then took such another swig at it that I says, “Excuse me, but if butter, with meat that tough ag sets the 'uman tooth at defiance. But it don't do for to be too partikler, so I made the best on it, and
you ain't used to it you'd better take a little and often." Well, she dida't was glad to get up to bed; but, law! there wasn't no gettin' to sleep,
offer not to give up the bottle so I takes it out of 'er 'and, and she
gives a terrible croan a-puttin' 'er 'and on 'on chest, so I pours a good for two or three parties as were along with me in the room kop' on a- 1 drop out in the tumbler, and if she didn't take and whip it out of my jabberin', till at last I says, "For mussy sake, let's sleep while we can."
'and and tops it off 'afore you could say Jack Robilson. They says, “Whatever's the use; we shall be woke up, as there's no tallin when they may get the train thro' the snow, as may molt « Oh, what a awful smell of alkyole; enough for to poison any one in
Well, just then, the lady in the other bed she wakes up, and says, any moment." I says, “It certainly may, as I've knowed it myself in a sudden
their aloep." thaw, all gone in a single night, and the water pipes a-bustin' all over
I says, “Mum, it ain't no poisonin' alkyol, but the best French the place, but," I says, “ not with a frost like this," as the winders
brandy, as is a fine thing for any one as is took sudden as this good was icebergs, as they calls 'em.
lady were.” If that good for nothink crentur" didn't declare as she
'adn't 'ad a drop.. Sa they said as they should keep awake to watch; but, law! was soon a-soorin? like 'ogs.
I says, “Whatever are, you ardayin', as is enough for to bring a Well, some'ow that tea and cold water 'ad made me feel all shivery
judgment on you?". like, 80 I thought as I'd take the least drop out of my flask-bottle
She says, “ You, only give me water, and 'ave drunk the brandy as I 'adn't hardly touched, and held very near a pint, and if I 'adn't
yourself.” A-speakin' that thick with a glazy eye, as showed as she been and loft it in my redicule down in the room where we'd 'ad
were in liquor, as well as she might be, for she'd beon and pretty nigh: supper. I remembered as I'd 'ung it over the back of my chair, and
emptiod that flask-bottle, for I'm sure it wasn't more than a table knowed where to lay my 'and on it. So I slips on my shoes, and puts
spoonful as were left, as I poured into the tumbler and drunk off my shawk over my shoulders, as 'adn't took my things off, and down
and blowed out the light for to get a little sleep; but that woman's I goes, with a lamp as they'd left us, and didn't ’ardly give no light
snores was that loud as sleep I couldn't, and when a-droppin' off thro' bein' nothink but glycerin', or some rubbish, as the least puff
were roused up by a knockin' at the door to say as it were day-light,
and we should be goin' on in 'arf 'a-'our, which, tho' glad to 'ear, Í would blow ont in a instant.
didn't much relish at turnin' out, tho' just day-light at past seven So down I goes on tiptoes, not a-wishin' to disturb nobody, and
| o'clock; and that awful cold as clothes, didn't seem no use to you. The jest as I gets down into the passage I gives a sneeze as blowed out the lamp, and there I was a-fumblin' about for the 'andle of the door, as
work we 'ad to wake that party as 'ad made free with my brandy, as at last I got 'old on, and opens it a-thinkin' as then I could find my
said, “Oh! my 'ead," and 'er wile temper a-sayin' as 'er'ead were redicule by the fire-light; but, law! them stores is that shot up as
ready to split, and no wonder, when you think of the brandy as she'd they don't give no light, and I hadn't 'ardly got into the room when
been and took, as is a fine medicine, but did not ought to be tampered my foot ketched, and I pitched forard, and come squash on somethink
| with wholesale, neat like that; and 'ex to dare to say that it was the
smell of what I was takin' 'ad give it 'er. as proved to be a 'uman body. I give'd a wiolent struggle for to get on my feet agin, when a party seizes me by the throat and yells out
When we come to start cextingly, they did not charge us much con, "'Elp!” “Murder!” "'shieves !” Law! there was sich a uproar,
siderin', but that'Ebrew Jew there wasn't no satisfyin', tho' I'm sure ke and in comes a man with a light, and if I hadn't been and come into
| did not ought to 'ave begrudged payin' for I never see & party entia the wrong room, where they'd made up beds on the floor for a lot
'artier supper than 'im, off that pork and treacle, as them Merrykens of men.
calls molasses, but is pork, for all that, as is a singlor lot and don't
know the English for a good many things, and that obstinate as won't Well, I was that bewildered as I didn't ’ardly know what I was
be told when you tries to bet 'em tight, as is always the way with about. « Come up," says a man, a-pullin' of me wiolent, "you're a-settin' on
them as knows no better.
A POETS PEN AND INK.
Fats forces me to write with pens and ink;
I can't insult compositors with pencils. pigeon's egg, and kep' a-sayin' as it was me as 'ad done it.
And yet, whenever I attempt to think, I says, “It's false, as could not 'avo 'it you that blow and not feel
I'm always finding fault with my utensils. it myself ;" but when I begun to think it may ’ave been the lamp as
You'll own that mine's a most unbappy lot, flewed out of my 'and, and he certainly was all over that there
Supposing even that my head be foggy; glyoerin'.
For, when my wits are sharp my pons are not, So when I come to explain as I only wanted my redicnle, they begam
And when my braid is clear my ink is elegey. for to make fun of me, and one on 'em says, “Don't mind the redicule at this time of night.” I says, “It's not the redicule as I minds, but what's in it; 'and
Sas per Coll. 'ave it I must."
Ax Irish journal states that search is still being made in Drogheda So they shows me the room where we 'ad supper, and there, sure for one of the most dangerous of the Fenian leaders of last year, who enough, was the redicule a-hangin' jest where I'd left it.
is supposed to be obstinately hanging about that part of the country." So up-stairs I goes, and told them ladies what 'ad 'appened. As I If he's (s)cotched, but not killed, he may congratulate himself on the were a-goin' to take a little somethink I nat'rally offers 'em a drop, perversity of the English Government, which objects to his “hang: not a-wishin' to seem 'oggish in my drinks.
| ing" about that part of the country in spite of his obstinaoy.