SFL

-

ing their ideas. He is a man whom you can't possibly insult—if yol MEN WE MEET.

could, he would have ceased to haunt studios ages ago. He rummage

among your life studies, brushes his BY THE COMIC PHYSIOGNOMIST.

coat over your colours, expectorates over

your parquet flooring, chaffs your models, CONCERNING SOME Bores.

criticises your work in a strain of

offensive candour, pokes at you, aster
HE C. P. has devoted some attention to the manner of a fencer, with his cane,

the discovery of a neat and epigram leaving you to defend yourself with your
matic classification of the different maulstick, and generally plays the very
descriptions of Bores, and he has deuce with everything. The C. P. has
arrived at a conclusion which he hopes said that he is a man you can't insult,
and believes will be considered as but a little judicious tact will rid you of
nearly satisfactory as possible. He is him, nevertheless. The C. P. remembers
much too good a philosopher to be once being bored with one of these
guilty of the imprudence of habitually nuisances, who being in the habit of
committing himself to a definition-his keeping it up late every night, was
custom is to state his case, and leave it usually extremely sleepy by the time
to his disciples to draw the inference. that he paid the C. P. his customary
In almost every instance of an epi- | visit at three in the afternoon. He spat,
grammatic definition which has come and stretched himself, and yawned about
under his notice, he has found that its the place in a manner which irritated
ad captandum crispness is almost the the philosopher beyond all bounds.
only quality to recommend it. Take (Nothing, by the way, is so grossly v
the case of the late Mr. THACKERAY'S irritating to a busy man as to see a s
definition of a Snob-one who meanly fellow yawn.) At length, the philo-
imitates mean things. This is adınir sopher caught his Bore in the attitude
able in its way; but does it go far represented in the margin, and ex-
enough? Is not he also a Snob who claimed, “My dear fellow, just keep that pose for five-and-twenty
meanly imitates things that are not minutes, while I sketch it—it's the very thing for The Awakening
mean? Is not even he a Snob who of Rip Van Winkle.'” He stood to the Č. P. (for most Bores
grandly imitates grand things ? Is not

| are good-natured in their way), and the philosopher
an imitator of every description a Snob, in one sense of the word : has never seen him since.
The C. P. has intentionally taken as an illustration one of the best. Here is a blatant political Bore, who will hold
pieces of epigram ever penned, by (the C. P. ventures to think) the forth, hour after hour, on matters which wouldn't
most accomplished master of epigram of the century, because when the possess the smallest earthly interest for any living
C. P. does express an opinion, he sticks to it like wax, and does not soul, if LORD DERBY or MR. GLADSTONE were to
allow any consideration whatever to overawe him in doing so.

undertake their exposition. A peculiarity of this Notwithstanding that the impossibility of framing an unimpeachable shallow-pated nuisance is, that in the course of his epigrammatic definition is fully before his eyes, yet, being this morn arguments he contrives to convert and pervert himing in a rather reckless mood, and being in the habit of purposely self over and over again. He will start with a proallowing himself to be influenced by the mood in which he finds him position, and talk it over in his slip-slop way until self when he writes these papers, he goes the following cropper :

he convinces himself that his original view was Bores are of four kinds :

utterly wrong, and goes on to defend his new con1. Those who neither amuse nor instruct.

til he ends by returning to the opinion 2. Those who amuse without instructing.

with which he started. He is a literary critic in 3. Those who instruct without amusing.

his way; that is to say, he reads the reviews on 4. Those who profess to combine amusement with instruction. new books, and expresses, as his own, the opinions

It will be objected that these four classes comprehend every intel. he derives from them — although he was never lectual and unintellectual variety of the human race, and that the known to read a book through in his life. He inference that the C. P. wishes his readers to draw is, that All Men has ready-made views on every subject you are Bores. But this is not so. A careful analysis of the four different like to start, and don't hesitate to express heads under which the philosopher has classified the genus Bore, will them, as though they were the result of the satisfy the discriminating reader that one very important class has study of a lifetime. He has a profound conbeen excluded—those who unintentionally combine instruction with tempt for everything that is amusing, and an amusement. The C. P. will not enter at greater length into the equally profound admiration for everything that matter, for fear that his definitions should, on closer inspection, meet is solidly dull. the fate of all other definitions, and prove to be utterly untenable. Here are two very opposite forms of Bores. The one on the left is Ho throws them out

a statistican, with a devout belief in per-centages, and an utter confor the consideration

tempt for units. He is always on the look-out to nail somebody who of his disciples, to be

will weakly listen to him and when he has got taken for what they

him, he will pour into his unhappy victim's ear such are worth.

a tirade of decimals as will have the effect of conHere is a specimen

vincing him of the truth of any proposition his of a loafing Bore who

tormentor chooses to is to be met in great

start. It is impossible force about this time,

to beat him in arguin the studios of in

ment—he has figures tending Royal Aca

for everything in his demy exhibitors. He

red, shining, knobby has no ostensible oc

skull — you might as cupation of his own,

well attempt to punch and the object of his

the head of a knight in life appears to be to

complete armour. The interfere with every

other, on the right, is body who has. He

one of those amiable talks very loudly

young fools who haunt about matters that

stage-doors and theatri. he don't understand,

cal taverns, and who and expresses a great

are the pride and glory contempt for the

of small actors, and the technical expressions B

unspeakable pest of in which artists are a

2 great ones. He is very in the habit of cloth. S

7 harmless in his way, Bab

--

--

FREE EXHIBITIONS OF LONDON:-BOW STREET. ing the torso of a dirty HERCULES through the rents of a shirt so tat.

This interesting place of entertainment is situated in the immediate tered that it is a wonder it holds together at all. He has been induced
neighbourhood of the New Opera House and Old Drury. The pro- to take a part in the Bow-street entertainment, because having been
pinguity of Covent-garden lends it an air of rural innocence, which is refused a penn'orth of beer at a public house, he demolished a sheet of
slightly counterbalanced by the close contiguity of the purlieus of plate-glass, and then, running to a neighbouring cabstand, took a
Drury-lane. The dimensions of the Bow-street Police Court, com- horse by, its forelegs and set its

| horse by its forelegs and set its hoofs on his shoulders (a fact)! Like
pared with the accommodation of the two theatres just named, might all people of genius, he is so modest that it required the persuasive
be gtuled small. But a paternal Government when arranging this | powers of four policemen to prevail on him to appear in public.
place of amusement, probably took into consideration very wisely that The near neighbourhood of Covent-garden is productive of variety
as the exhibition would be a free one, it would seldom be overcrowded. in the entertainments produced. MR8. Pomona O'FLAUBRTY, who
The auditorium is calculated to contain comfortably-as far as we could

sells apples, having fallen out with Miss FLORA O'RAPFERTY, who
ascertain from the courteous usher and the acute members of the Force

vends flowers, has flown at that lady, torn her bonnet, and aspersed
connected with it, who kindly gave us the fullest statistics—exactly her character. Miss FLORA is loud in her desire that MR8. O'F.
about twice as many as double the moiety of the sum total; especially

should “prove her words"—meaning, of course (the lady is Irish),
as there are no seats, and there is therefore plenty of standing room. exactly the reverse-i.e., show her inability to prove her words. Mrs.
As standing is rather fatiguing work, our reader, if he visits the court,

O'F. is discursive and aggressive, and the dialogue would (if it passed
will do well to obtain admittance to some other part than the audito- | the Lord Chamberlain) make the fortune-or otherwise-of a drama-
rium, there being numbers of seats in the other divisions. There are tist in these realistic days.
two ways of obtaining admittance. He can either pick a pocket or

The visitor to Bow-street Court may study science as well as
assault a constable, or he can ask for some one connected with the character. He will learn that flat-irons are a very transitory property
court in some capacity or other. The latter method is perhaps the

on account of the peculiar readiness with which they are convertible
preferable of the two, as the attendant constables are more affable into gin. Our artist has selected for his picture a subject of this class.
under the circumstances. Besides, the former mode of proceeding may

The highly respectable female in the dock has swallowed two flat-irons
lead to an interview with the worthy magistrate, which may result in

-in a liquid form—the said flat-irons unfortunately belonging to a
a free admission to some other place of entertainment, liberally pro- neighbour, mother of the small boy whose head scarcely shows over
vided by a paternal Government; and although a glimpse of the the witness-box, and who is chief witness against the scientific lady.
interior of a prison may be interesting, the place is apt to pall slightly The dresses at this place of entertainment are, as a rule, effective,
when one is monotonously confined to it for six months or more with and may owe some of their inspiration to MR. S. May, the well-
out the option of a fine.

known costumier, whose shop is hard by. The mise en scène is simple,
The class of entertainment provided at Bow-street can hardly be | not to say plain, and does not seem to owe its inspiration to the
said to be of a theatrical character, for as a rule it abounds in interest, neighbouring theatres 80 much as to the Adelphi.
is furnished with dialogue of a brisk and picturesque-gometimes too. A visit to Bow-street-in the capacity of a spectator will well
picturesque--nature, and is frequently amusing ; so that it does not repay any man, if only because it is calculated to make him contented
clash much with the general run of plays produced in the present day with his own mode of life, for he is sure to go away blessing his stars
The ruffish swell, sometimes attired in evening costume, and well

that he is not a polico magistrate.
known to a Marlborough-street audience, seldom figures at Bow-street.
Intoxication does not present itself in so refined a form here. It is

NOTICE.—Now ready, the Eleventh Half-Yearly Volume of FUN, being
represented by Mr. Dennis or PATRICK O’SOMETHING, who has been
stimulated by drink to get up a free fight in his alley, or to beat his

THE FOURTH VOLUME OF THE NEW SERIES.
wife and a few policemon. Or its exponent is a gigantic fellow, show- Magenta cloth, 48. 6d.; post free, 58. Cases for binding, 13. 64. cach.

London : Printed by JUDD & GLASS, Phønix Works, St. Andrew's Hill, Doctors' Commons, and Published (for the Proprietor) by W. ALDER, at 80, Fleet-street, E.C.

March 23, 1867.

BERESFORD HOPE.
"Tbore is no truth in the statement that Mr. BERESFORD HOPB
is to be raised to the peerage with the title of LORD B&DG EBUBY."
BEAUTIFUL BERESFORD HOPE, they said,

DERBY the Earl would make a peer;
This, is a coronet—that, his head-

Joining the two would be rather queer ;
Filling the Lords with wonder mild.

Little would yet be changed, I think,
Of the sudden start and the gesture wild,

And the comic voice, and the playful wink!
Is it too soon, then, Beresford Hope?

What, the title was clear in view,
And the Morning Post, in your horoscope,

Seemed to imply the news was true;-
And just because you preferred to sit

For the pottery town of Stoke-on-Trent,
In the House of Commons to show your wit,

You turned aside from the offer sent ?
No—the time will come-at last it will

When, BERESFORD Hope, what use, they will say,
Are you in a House, where you won't sit still,

And will get into CAVENDISH Bentisch's way?
Why you shun the Peerage I can't divine,

If a coronet still awaits your head, .
And when you might do so much, in fine,

In the new House come in the old one's stead!
Was it the title that made you shy?

“BEDGEBURY" isn't a pretty name,
But you'd find it pleasant when, by-and-bye,

From the Saturday's lips of love it came!
In the House of Lords there are scanty cares,

Little of labour and much of state,
And often the Chancellor, unawares,

Dozes away through a dull debate.
You have lived, we will say, 80 many years-

So many days been abused in the Times-
Greeted so often with dubious cheers-

Chaffod so often in Cockney rhymes ;-—-
Yet one thing, one, in your mind's full scope,

That you still refuse, Sir, puzzles me :-
If you won't be a peer, then, BerESFORD HOPE,

What on earth do you want to be ?

THE BILL NO ONE WILL HONOUR.-A sham Reform Bill.

FROM OUR STALL.

MR. AND MRS. GERMAN Reed have produced a new entertainment

by MR. ROBERTSON, entitled a Dream in Venice. The Dream itself is MORE mines and miners! MR. Watts Phillips's Lost in London good, but the introduction is a little tedious, as must always be the drags us again into the bowels of the earth on an expedition in search

case where the author has at any cost to provide “character illustraof the picturesque. However, the drama was manufactured so long tions" for the performers. It appears to be a sine qua non at the Gallery ago-as the announcements took very good care to tell us—that no of Illustration that all entertainments should open with MR. and body can accuse MR. PHILLIPS of putting forward a second-hand MRS. German Reed travelling in search of novelty; and Mr. ROBERTsensation. The greatest fault of this piece (and of most pieces nowa BON has adhered to the harmless fiction, turning it, indeed, to good days) lies in the comparative weakness of the last act. The situation

account in the nightmare (or night-gondola, or whatever the equivalent at the close of the preceding one is highly effective, and the remainder

may be in a city where there is nothing equine) under which MR. REED of the play comes as an anti-climax. There is a heroine to be disposed la'sours. The scenery is really magnificent. 'MR. O'Connor, of the of, and there is a low-comedy couple to be married. Of course, the Haymarket, has seldom been seen to better advantage, while MR. heroine dies, according to the infallible remedy prescribed by DR. Tellin, perhaps, surpasses all his former successes with a view of the GOLDSMITH for cases in which lovely woman stoops to folly. She Piazza of Saint Mark. John PARRY, inimitable Joux PABRY, winds might as well have died at the end of the second act; in the second up the treat with The Wedding Breakfast at Mrs. Roseleaf's-one of act, also, the low-comedy people might easily have been made man and those things of which we can never tire. wife. What the drama requires-or did require on the night of its production—is a good deal of judicious carving with a large knife and fork. The writing of Lost in London is full of cleverness; Mr. Watts

6 The Times are out of Joint." PHILLIPS never disappoints us in the quality of his dialogue. Here THERE's no accounting for tastes! A young lady, in particular, and there, perhaps, the slightest possible tendency towards clap-trap must be permitted to have odd fancies. Here's an instance :may be discovered; but, after all, the folks in the gallery pay their shil. A YOUNG LADY is desirous of an ENGAGEMENT as Book-keeper in a butcher's lings, and most of the miserable critics are on the free list. The piece is a business.-Apply by letter, etc. well acted, especially in the parts given to MR. HENRY NEVILLE, DIR. We must own that it rather takes our breath a way to read this. “A TOOLE, and MRS. MELLON. MR. ASHLEY shall be included if he will | YOUNG LADY" quite so, bless her—" is desirous of an ENGAGEMENT"only promise to leave off singing, and playing on the pianoforte. To exactly, and matrimonial, of course—but no! an engagement as bookbetray & confiding woman is wicked enough, in all conscience; to keeper to a butcher. We should as soon expect to hear of a duchess make her listen to your songs (if you happen to sing like—some people) wanting to turn dairymaid, or of a countess who would be a cheeseis to add insult to injury. The drama has been well put on the stage; monger. A butcher's business is not exactly a pleasant employment in fact, the scenery surpasses anything that we have seen at the Adelphi for a refined and delicate mind, and we cannot conceive the reason for lately. This may look like extravagant praise to people who never such a choice; unless, indeed, the young lady was on the look out for a visit the Adelphi.

I joint, sure.

VOL. V.